THE FORUMS

December 3rd, 2016
4 Months in Hong Kong - Reflections on 3somes, SNLs, SDLs, and adventures
Your rating: None Average: 5 (10 votes)
Bookmark and Share

Crush

Member

Join Date: 06/22/2009 | Posts: 81

I'm an Alex BC alumn, a World Summit alumn, and I hit up World Tour a few times. I guess 2010 was basically my third year in game. Crazy times...

Welcome to the last four months of 2010, spent in Hong Kong, gaming like a freaking madman with every ounce of energy I could find.

By the numbers and game experiences: I went out 3-5 times weekly, generally pushing myself very hard. I pulled every week, I closed every week (some weeks I did 3 closes, one night I did 2 closes). I did two threesomes with girls I introduced, including one SNL-pull-threesome. I did a nutty amount of SNLs including a bathroom-close and sort of an alley-close, and a couple BJs in taxis. I pulled a number of times in under 10 minutes. I managed to avoid married chicks but did girls with boyfriends. I went threesome-sarging with a girl for the first time ... it was a crazy period of life.

Now, ABSOLUTELY I don't list those things to suggest "I'm awesome, listen to me"-- to the contrary, being in Hong Kong was also the MOST HUMBLING period for my game. In fact, I have come to believe there are tons of guys with better game than me who have probably done NONE of that stuff.

I list those things to say this; I pushed hard every single moment to improve my game and develop myself through game, for four months, and below are the lessons from it. :)

Beyond game; I got a tooth punched out, I read some fantastic books, I got in shape, I thoroughly explored Hong Kong, and I got to travel Asia...

And I developed massively as a person. Here's what I can share with you as it relates to game. Enjoy.

<3 Crush

PS I won't be responding to comments here but if you have questions feel free to PM me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------


INTRODUCTION
A. CONCEPTUAL CHANGES
--1. Words Are Bullshit
--2. It's Not a Big Deal
--3 .Ego Blocks Growth
--4. Bring Back the "Me"
--5. Being Happy in the State of Problem Solving

B. INTERNAL CHANGES
--1. Embracing the Player
--2 .Emotional Belief that I Wll Pull
--3. Feeling Abundance
--4. Ego Release, Jealousy Release, and Positivity Gain

C. GAME LESSONS
--1.Patience
--2. "Coming Correct" - Do It Right
--3. Super Direct is Fine
--4. Just Lead. Lead hard.

D. CONCLUSION
---------------------------------

A. CONCEPTUAL CHANGES

My biggest takeaways from Hong Kong were the conceptual changes-- the changes in the way that I thought about "game" and thought about my life more broadly. When I first got into game, I thought about "having game" as a sort of magic switch-- "now that I've read mystery method, I've found the missing piece." Later, I thought of game as a skillset to be honed like guitar or tennis. Now, I think game is largely the expression of who you are inside, augmented by the skillsets you build.

Therefore, I think now that real solid natural game is minimally about what you do and more about who you are on a deep level-- how well do you know yourself? How well can you control yourself? And I think the following conceptualizations reflect this view.

1. Words Are Bullshit

Finess came out to HK for a weekend and we had a chance to hang out two nights. (Let me just say preliminarily that I was astounded by his level and lifestyle, and it was an inspiring experience.) Our second night out, Finess was running a bit late for dinner, so I just stood near the restaurant and started gaming cute passerby chicks. I snagged a cute but 30ish Korean tourist, and pulled her to dinner with us.

As we ate, Finess gave her a considerably long lecture, the point of which was, "words are bullshit." (I was 4 drinks in or so, so Finess feel free to correct me.) He talked about how we can be intimately aware of how other people feel in any situation by being attuned to our feelings, rather than trying to deduce the other person's feelings based on their words (or even actions I suppose). Thus, he said, words are meaningless, learn to be in touch with and trust your emotions.

I pulled and closed the tourist, and she vanished into the past, but what Finess said at dinner kept spinning around in my mind and developed into a bigger realization for me. The idea that "words are bullshit" made so much sense; I guess naturally we try to logically determine what other people are feeling through words, but inside emotionally, we very often already know how they feel. We can read it. Overthinking, ego-driven logic, and social programming often get in the way, and that's why we think we need her words to know how she feels, but when we're centered and present, we have a strikingly accurate ability to read that kind of information, even from strangers.

Countless times in my life, I forced myself to logically read a girl's words or actions as reflect of her feelings, when inside I knew very well how she felt already. Ultimately, my emotions proved true in basically every instance I can think of. Realization: If we pay too much attention to the logical meaning of the words, we can easily confuse ourselves or trick ourselves, and end up misreading the other person completely.

It's in line with the conventional wisdom; they say only 5% of communication is verbal. (I always thought that was a strange thing to asset, I totally get it now.) Tyler says regardless of what you say or do, the true "self is always coming through." Go figure.

But what does this mean for Game? Two basic applications.

One, center yourself, be present with her in your interaction, and trust your feelings.

Two, the big one... I contend this means is that your emotions can never really be hidden (unless you're exceptional at hiding emotions). Since that night, I've been experimenting with something I call "feel game" in my head. When I go into sets, I don't think about what I'll say or do, but rather focus on being in the right emotional zone. When I'm going in, I want my mental state to reflect how I want her to feel about me; I'm the guy who will take you home tonight, I'm the guy who will connect with you, I'm the guy chill enough to just hang out with and witty enough to flirt with, I'm the guy with no expectations but with all the capabilities... etc

I can't say my game is jumped leaps and bounds by employing this, but I can say I see massive potential for my own growth by focusing on "feel game." I see almost 100% correlation with the success of sets and how I "feel" in the set as I go in. I can't yet control my feeling of intimidation by hot girls, but I am now striving towards being able to push those feelings aside entirely.

Bigger implication for life+game: beyond this artificial level of focusing completely on improving my "feel game", I should focus on being someone never intimidated; and I think this has to do with how I live. By fulfilling myself, by taking the risks I want to take, by doing the things I want to do, by being the man I want to be, I don't (and going forward more and more, won't) have to feel intimidated by a silly woman in a tight dress.

I've truly come to think that lack of the right "feeling" is what fucks up game most of the time. This is why I have trouble hitting 8s 9s and 10s because even though my words and actions may be 80% the same, I literally feel different as I go into the set (versus if she was a 5 6 7), and I'm sure she can feel it too. I feel intimidated.

It also makes sense in the context of new guys who can't get at success; they have their body language, tonality, and even words down tight, but their sets continually fail. Why? Because they feel different. When they walk up to a girl in the shopping mall, they don't feel like they are the guy who connect genuinely with her (or perhaps will take her out of the mall and fuck her in a few hours), they feel sheepish or scared or intimidated. The words are bullshit and she doesn't give a fuck; she's just reading you based on her feelings, which may or may not be affected by your words. If she feels you're intimidated, you could have the smoothest words in the world (and even good physicality I bet!) and you'd get rejected.

This has definitely changed the way I concieve of game on the whole, and I'm very thankful to Finess for inspiring that lesson.

2. It's Not a Big Deal
The next two concepts deal with ego, and thus will be hard to swallow for some guys, and may be a "duh" for others. (Ego here meaning the fictitious "you" that your mind builds as a self image.)

I begin with thinking about" accomplishments"-- think of something big you consider your accomplishment. For a sort of egoic person (like I've spent much of my life being), the accomplishments mean a great deal-- they sort of define you. You feel compelled to name drop about yourself and what you've done-- your accomplishments give you value (and I really mean compelled, even when you try not to).

No matter what your biggest accomplishment is, I posit this: it's not a big deal. It's simply not something notable. It's not very significant. It's probably not even relatively cool.

Let's take an example; we could use anything but I personally always thought of "income" as a big accomplishment. So imagine you're a finance guy who makes $300,000 a year-- congrats to you bro. But we can easily conceive of a million ways in which it doesn't mean shit. Consider:
- - Face it, there's a million guys like you.
- - Some junior undergrad girl at Harvard just made $300,000 in one summer trading oil futures. Your salary, in one summer, and the girl is 20 years old.
- - There are guys with the same qualifications as you making more / working less / having more fulfilling lives / fucking hotter girls.
- - And don't forget, there are tons of people younger than you, making more money than you, in jobs they love more than you.
- - Lastly, there are tons of hot chicks who will never give a crap about it--some will probably even disqualify you for working too many hours / being too high class.

What if we put the finance guy next to any of those situations? His accomplishment's value is trashed; the lesson being that there's no objective meaning or value to this (or any) accomplishment. The accomplishment is a title-- just something we label, like "high income earner" or "company leader" or "guy who's slept with lots of girls." And any of these labels/titles might have a guy beneath them who underwent serious personal development to get there-- but maybe not. The title itself is totally worthless. Titles can be earned, but also given freely, stripped, laughed at, or bought... or dimished by the human mind in an instant.

Thus, if you think that your accomplishment or any title is what defines you, or if you get emotional pride from the title, you've defined yourself in a inherently vulnerable way that will always be weak inside you regardless of what others think. Your internal structure will never be solid because its based on an inherently feeble construct. (And like shown above, if you define "you" by your accomplishment, there are people doing what you think makes you "you" much better than you are.)

For those of you with an ego like I had before I began seeing this-- perhaps this is beginning to sting.

Swallowing the realization that accomplishments mean nothing is something of an ego beatdown at first for anyone I think-- it was terribly hard for me to swallow. When something challeneged my awesomeness-by-accomplishment, I would try to fight the ego degrading thoughts off "logic" in my mind, allowing me to still feel superior in some way to the person I compared myself with. "Oh, he's as good as me in regards to XYZ but I'm sure I'm way better at ABC, or he's a total DEFG and I'm not!" I would still feel the need to be better in my mind, and I would find some desparate way to always justify my supposed betterness (or at least the possibility of being better).

For me, my lay count was something I was feeling as an accomplishment was defining me. I was very proud of my number. Utter silliness. It seems ridiculous in hindsight, but I was feeling like big man on the yard because I was about to hit 100 lays. I knew some guys with over 100 but not much over, and I just considered them part of my awesome club. I excluded instructors from my ego domination of the world. My ego was at the max. My degree, my job prospects, and a host of other self-labels were the same.

Then one day, I hung out with a community guy who:
- - Showed me photos of some significantly hotter-than-mine girls he'd been fucking.
- - Explained he had done over 100 lays... this year alone.
- - Implied his pickup buddies (some super young) do similar to (or better than) him.
- - Demonstrated that he still had guys he needed to learn a shitload from.
- - Also showed me his massive career success in a field that I am terrified I will one day fail in.

Needless to say, my ego was mush. Totally destroyed. I felt so negative, a strong poison feeling in myself. (We sarged that night and I could not hit any kind of positive state.) How could I make myself feel good knowing there was a den of dudes sitting around somewhere doing my lifetime worth of lays every year? And then that these guys had guys who even they considered to be way more kickass? My ego tried to counter attack but my natural ego reaction, to make myself "better than him" in some other way in my mind, just totally failed-- he had the career, the girls, the skills... anything I could think of!

I had to accept the ego blow, eat it up.

And it was precisely this moment of ego pain that opened the possibility of releasing my lay count, and all my silly accomplishments that I peg my ego to, and finding a little inner peace. My ego could not battle this man, it collapsed, and when it collapsed, what was left was the following four thoughts in this order...

1) First... my accomplishment is meaningless. What I worked so hard for is simply not a big deal afer all! I suck.

2)Then... but wait, am I happy with my life? Well yes, everyday, I feel grateful... hmm...
Is there something I need to change to get closer to fulfillment? Sure I can do better, but I'm on the path I want to be on. And I'm always improving myself on that path.

3) My next thought was... perhaps I don't need to compete with anyone. In the grand fate of the universe, maybe this guy and all his friends will be more successful than me on every level. All that I can ever do is to be the best me that I possibly can-- it may or may not be better than anyone else... who cares?

4) Finally, I thought... this guy is not magic, he puts his shoes on the same way I do. Nothing he's accomplished is a big deal either. So maybe then, there's nothing that separates that guy from me, and whatever he's capable of, I'm capable of too.

And suddenly, I felt free. My lay count is not a big deal; other guys can school me big time, who cares? If I'm getting laid, its for me. If I'm not getting laid like them, I'm just not. So, what? Suddenly, his lay rate and hotness was not menacing but inspiring. Every guy I saw banging hotties was just an example of what I might be capable of! Or, I saw it as my buddy rocking the world, and I felt happy!

So then I considered; what's holding me back from getting where he is? Why can he so effortlessly walk up to 9s and pull them? Why is he banging mega hotties like it's not a big deal?

The answer really takes us into the next point. It was something I needed all along; he can do it because to him, it's not a big deal. To me it is still a big deal, like omg, wow, he's pulling a hottie... it makes it hard.

Me making it a big deal has been holding me back the whole time. I explain this as follows...

3. Ego Blocks Growth
One thing I see with newer guys is that they think its a big deal to talk to a girl, particularly when fully intending to bang her in an hour if possible. When they do talk to a girl successfully, they put a feather in their ego-cap, and go "woohoo, this makes me awesome." Being happy is good, but they are also sabotaging themselves by continuing to consider the small success a big deal, a "title" to boost themselves with-- their ego thinks its a big deal, and something that's a big deal is something intimidating. And since talking to a girl is intimidating, well then, its hard to do.

Thus having building your ego with your success makes further success more difficult.

At RSD World Summit, Tim suggested to expect success from yourself right away. Expect your results immediately. If you expect that your results will be hard to achieve, then they will. if you don't, they won't. It's that simple, he said. This makes good sense in the paradigm presented in the first paragraph.

Another important way that the ego blocks growth is to prevent you from seeing what's possible. Imagine you want to fuck as many girls as possible; if you think tell yourself "you're the man because you fucked 50 girls this year" then how the hell are you going to get to 100? "The man" can only do 50! It must take some kind of "superman" to do twice as many then, right?

This is totally counterproductive.

For me, I was definitely being held back my ego. I would occassionally bang girls I thought were really hot, and I would prop myself up with it "wow I got a 9! It took me 6 weeks but I got one! That's normal because it's hard to get one, but I'm awesome." And then I'd see guys walking around with a 9s like it was no big deal, and in my head I'd make up some story "oh, he's probably not getting with her" or "he's probably been chasing her for months and it's his only shot" or "he's probably getting lucky" in order to protect my ego. It would be so harsh on my ego to accept the proposition that this was completely easy for these guys, so I blocked it out.

But in doing so, I would just make getting 9s seem like a bigger and bigger deal-- I started making the ego protection thicker, until it got to the point where I'd almost convinced myself that 9s get laid a lot less than 7s, maybe almost never get laid. Funnnnnnnnnny in retrospect; but it makes sense to my ego-- I'm the man, and its hard for me, so it must be hard objectively.

So what was the result? Of course, I was so intimidated by the idea of trying to hook up with a 9, I was having a hard time approaching them. I would feel even more nervous when gaming them. I convinced myself that I was near the best where of where I could be, that I had little room for improvement-- sure I wanted hotter girls, but no one really gets those chicks... right? :P

Ridiculous! But what choice did my ego have? If I admitted that dudes were banging 9s like I was banging 7s (or as it were more than I was banging 7s) I would have had to admit that I sucked in comparison to them. I would rather block out the possibility that those guys are all around me-- if I didn't, my ego would go into severe pain.

My ego couldn't do that, and so I was trapped at that level, unable to see the vast world of possibilities above me. Only as I started to release my ego did it become clear... I have so so so so much to learn, there are so so so so many guys better than me.

In fact, I can probably learn from every one. Game is not a single skillset; as I see it now, its about knowing yourself and being yourself, and its augmented by any wide variety of social tools.
Some guys might get laid less than me but have no fear and do the smoothest approaches; I want to learn that!
Some guys never get laid but can connect emotionally with any woman; I want to learn that!
Some guys are emotionally a wreck and don't know themselves, but have the balls and the audacity to bang hotties nonethless; I want that too!

I was hit but a love of all the guys around me working in pickup; I want to meet them all, learn from them all, and be the best "me" I possibly can be.

And that's it. Be me, nicely into the next point...

4. Bring Back the "Me"
So as I reduced my ego levels (or as they were dashed to pieces in the realizations above), I was left with a bit of a new puzzle--
What the fuck is my life defined by if it's not defined by "titles"? I guess I know I'm pretty cool but... wait, if my degree and my lay count and my threesomes don't matter, what makes me cool?!

Pickup, that was my first answer. Not the "title" of PUA (lolz); but the dedication to the hobby. I've been so dedicated to pickup this year, it's probably the thing I do the very most besides eat and sleep. I went out night after day after night for all but two months of this year. I perhaps went out 150 times this year, probably went on 80 dates, spent a week in Vegas at RSD World Summit, and spend a shit load of time on the forums.

So then I thought... pickup is my life, that feels a bit weird... is there more? What else defines me?

And I was at a loss. I had no answer. All of my other hobbies had sort of fallen by the wayside for pickup. I hadn't beat a single video game, I hadn't read many books, I hadn't been working on my music, I hadn't been doing anything! It had been pickup, pickup, pickup, with some jogging on the side.

And pickup is great if you're doing it because you love it, or if you're doing it because it takes you closer to where you want to be-- but a lot of the "pickup" time that I had spent was just dedicated to getting my dick wet, fucking girls I considered 7s (sometimes worse!), and often fucking girls I didn't care about at all. Why? Mostly, to boost my ego by getting laid I think. I was giving all my freetime to my ego. And my ego had been exhausting me-- I would literally go months with a different girl in my bed every night (not too hard if you keep almost every girl you close and you're closing once or twice a week). And this meant no freetime for hobbies, which meant little sleep, which meant little energy and focus the next day.

Of course there's value to the repitition of closing-- but the point is that's not why I was doing it. I could rationalize "oh, I'm banging 7s for the practice" but at least a lot of the time, I was doing it for my ego. Thus, I had sacrificed my music, my hobbies, my friendships, my travel, my almost-everything for my ego.

Suddently, it all made sense. I had indeed noticed that it was getting harder to talk about random things with girls because I had nothing I was feeling too passionate about-- I had lost touch with the "me" because "me" had been defined by ego. Who was I? What did I love? What did I want to become? What really amused me in life? Outside of "getting chicks" I really didn't have many answers. It felt like a sick joke—my quest to become who I want to become led to a giant ego building excersize.

My ego had made me a bit of a shell of who I used to be. And its not suprising that women are attracted to men, not shells of them. The women in my life who have loved me always loved my rich and passionate life, never my ego. And more importantly of course for myself, I never want to be that shell!

It's sort of easy to mistake the shell and the soul, isn't it? Restated, it's easy to mistake the ego for the man. I once played in a band that had a song on the radio, and at that time I had two fairly hot girlfriends (who were very high quality people in every way that I cared about). When I look back, it's easy to think “she liked me because I was in a popular band-- we had that song on the radio.” But when I think deeply about it, they both fell for me before the band ever meant anything. The band could have been a total failure, it didn't matter. The moves I was making didn't matter (and the result of the moves mattered even less), its the fact that I was making moves. Or perhaps more accurately... its the fact that I was doing the things that move me.

I truly believe my next steps in getting the girls I really want lie largely in rediscovering what I really want from my life and going for it.

The last point is sort of unrelated but nonetheless as a life and game transformation. And it deals with the ego in a difference sense.

5. Being Happy in the State of Problem Solving
To summarize this simple concept but life changing concept: You will never solve all your problems. Therefore, instead of wishing you were in a state of being problem-solved, learn to love the state of constant problem solving...

I suffered pretty serious depression for many years while dealing with normal young-adult social pressure and stress; after my RSD bootcamp this almost completely disappeared when I stopped giving a fuck, started loving myself, and started enjoying life.

However, a certain aimless sorrow still remained at times-- a feeling like I was just never going to succeed in meeting my goals (particularly in game), and that I was a failure because I still had so many problems to solve in my life. And I always looked at the future for hope, feeling like that sorrow would leave me when I met goals XY and Z, or when I solved XYZ problems. The sorrow would come for a week or so and then dissappear for a month. When it came, I really felt like I had been failing at improving my game.

During one particularly bad spell, I thought, "have I really not accomplished all my goals yet? What were my goals in the game when I started?" Upon self investigation, I realized is that I have massively surpassed most of my original goals. For example, I wanted to be able to SNL, but the concept had seemed totally impossible to me when I started. I did maybe 2 SNLs my whole first year gaming and considered it success. I remember, I once calculated that 2 new girls per month would be the most I could handle. Fast-forward to today, in about 4 months, I perhaps did more SNLs than I even did lays in total my first year. I SNL'd a girl-girl threesome with two girls who'd never met eachother, I pulled multiple times in under 5 min, I SNL'd in a bathoom, I SNL'd while leaving a club by grabbing a woman at the door on the way out, etc..

The point is, I really nailed the original SNL goal. So why wasn't I happy? Why did I still feel emotionally as though I was not meeting my goals? Well, now I had new goals of course! I wanted to SNL more consistently, SNL hotter girls, SNL from specific clubs. The new goals had eclipsed the old goals to the point that I couldn't even see the old goals.

What I realized is that everytime you solve one puzzle, two new puzzles arise. Everytime you accomplish one goal, new goals arise. Every opportunity leads to new opportunities. Mastering the basic SNL puzzle opens the true hottie SNL puzzle. It's probably that way with everything in life; being the top 5% in college opens the puzzle of being the top 5% in medical school, which opens the puzzle of being top 5% among the residents, which opens etc.. When you have enough perspective on life, you will see that you'll always have new problems to solve; the state of "having solved the problems" or of "having accomplished XYZ" then loses its emotional signficance because you know that in abstract you'll never reach that imaginary euphoric state where you have "won the game."

So then the "problem solved" state truly doesn't exist. What does exist is the state of "constant probem solving"; that is, diligently working toward being who you want to be. Constant progress, constant presence. You can't control what problems are solved "right now"; the only thing you can control in the "right now" is what problems you're actively solving. The future exists only as an idea based on the now.

The "state of constant problem solving" is thus the best state you can be in. If you are in that state, you're exactly where you want to be. And when you realize and accept this, and put yourself into a mode of constant practice and progress towards your goals, a deep happiness comes. For me, the release of the emotional need to be in a state of "problem solved" felt like heaven. I smiled, and I can feel my sorrow reducing every day. Craziness!


B. INTERNAL CHANGES

Beyond my conceptions of game, I underwent some internal changes that taught me lessons. These reflected a maturity in my "game" as a player, and a maturity in myself as a growing man. I felt new things, and reached new levels of knowing myself. Here are the big ones that affected my game the most.

1. Embracing the Player

I finally felt what it's like to be a "player" and to be totally OK with it. I mean, it's sort of strange that this comes after years of sleeping with just about any cute girl who will give it up-- but I was in denial. I always felt I had to present myself (to myself and others) as not a player but a "good guy," no matter how ridiculous it would seem. If people said "you're just a manwhore who fucks Asian girls" I would get upset. I would push back and fight them, argue logically to convince both them and myself that they were wrong.

In Hong Kong, I did not do this. I was just too tired of the arguing about it. At first it was apathy. If people wanted to think of me as a player, fine whatever, I didn't have energy for haters. Girls would say "you're a player" and I'd go "meh." I remember very specifically this one night I SNL'd, I told the girl how many girls I'd slept with early in the evening, fully expecting her to run away. But she didn't and in fact she came home and banged me without much resistance at all, despite the fact that she was sort of a goodgirl.

That experience flicked a lightswtich in my mind. From there on, I didn't care at all and I was more and more frank about my sex life. In time, I even started telling girls early in sets "I'm a bad guy" or "yeah I'm a fuck-boy type not a boyfriend type" and there were no negative effects that I could see. This also coincided with me drinking a lot consistently for the first time in my life-- so basically, I went from seeing myself as preppy little career boy to being a horny drunk 3 nights a week, not having much money, just out in front of 7-11 looking for a nice young woman to corrupt, occasionally groping passerbys (just kidding... sort of). I thought this would make me feel low value. It did not, I just felt... I felt like "who gives a fuck, fuck the haters, give me more beer" I just accepted whatever state I was in instead of wishing for some other state of being. And I told people honestly what I thought about myself.

Why not? Well, I guess now that I look at it, "I'm a player" or "I'm a degenerate" is just as true of a statement as "I'm not a player" or "I'm a goodguy." They are just labels with no real definition, massive over simplifications of a person. Both have their advantages and disadvantages to all women, and they probably won't make that much of a difference when all is said and done-- one specific girl might react badly to one label, another might react well do it. Given the proper exposure though, she'll be looking past the label to the content of the man. Regardless of what arbitrary label I slap on myself, I am me. I am an attractive man. She'll read me, and know what I'm about. I could never hide that I slept with a lot of women anyway, people always knew.

Looking at this all now in the rearview mirror, I think the lesson is "fuck labels." Don't label yourself a player, don't label yourself a hero. Labels like that are for lazy thinkers-- you are nuanced and deep and complex. Your state of being cannot be reduced to 7 letters.

Don't slap a sticker on yourself-- let people find out whats inside the bottle. They can judge it anyway they want, but any sort of labeling is ultimately just subjective. It's attachment to form. It's lazy. It's counterproductive.

2. Emotional Belief that I Will Pull
For the first time in Hong Kong, I was heading out into the night with an emotional belief that I would pull. This is hard to explain-- but its a belief on a deep "matter of fact" level and it's a very powerful thing.

Do you remember when you first started anticipating positive conversations with girls? It made all the difference. When you'd walk up and say "hi" knowing the girl would smile. It gives you confidence, takes away anxiety, and makes the failures seem insignificant. I started feeling the same thing with pulls-- I started seeing I would pull every week, and so then heading out each night it was not a question of "will I pull" but rather "is this the night I pull this week". With further success, it became "I bet this is one of the nights I pull"-- it would sort of put me in a confident emotional state about pulling.

And sure enough I think it had great effects-- I was not really worried when I asked girls to leave with me. I would sometimes yank them or carry them as needed, and even if they didn't want to go they'd somehow just respect my attempt. Their rejections wouldn't affect my state-- I mean, I knew I'd be pulling soon enough, who cares exactly when or with exactly which girl?

I'm not sure how one could artificially unleash this magic, but let me propose something to those of you who do not yet have this belief (or are teetering on the edge of it); with dilligence, you will get to a level of game where you can pull all the time. You will. Believe it. It might start tonight-- in fact, at worst, its only the dimension of time that stands between you and your superhuman-pulling abilities. At best, its just this belief that stands between you and those abilities... so.... Believe it! Give yourself permission to be the pulling machine emotionally, right now.

I should note one important note of caution; I became attached to pulling as an ego item. I started fearing the not-pull nights because they damaged my self image as a puller. The result? Hesitation, avoidance, bad bad bad. Do not attach yourself to the image or label of being a puller-- even if you had an official title "puller" from the PUA-Federation, if you started acting scared of losing it you'd never pull again.

Being good at this is partially being good at just relaxing, not worrying, and knowing that results will come your way if you unapologetically seek what you desire.

3. Feeling Abundance
"Abundance Mentality"... that phrase had been spinning around in my mind for a long time, thanks to community influence, and I had always understood it in concept but I'd never felt it (sort of like the above point on pulling). Even in my 16-week-21-close power stint, I did not feel abundance. The quality of the girls was not such that I often wanted to keep them around, nor was keeping the girls particularly easy.

In Hong Kong, something changed. Perhaps the going out more enabled me to get a jump on the numbers game? Perhaps my game had just improved? Anyway I was just really banging girls I considered 7+s every week, sometimes 3 new girls per week, once even 3 girls in a week + a new threesome... and they were sticking around. I actually cannot think of a non-tourist close that did not stick around or try to do so.

So... suddenly I felt abundance with 7s. I had so many 7s, I literally was fucking 4-5 regulars per week and going out and doing new closes on the weekends. My rotation of regulars became so high that I was having to schedule seeing them all into 2 week periods, and putting two in one day.

Needless to say, this was outrageous (but awesome but again outrageous) and more than my body could handle, and certainly more than I could handle while having a productive life. So I basically cut it down to 2 regulars and 2 semi-regulars (who'd I see once every 3 weeks or so). This meant I was actively denying sex to girls I was approaching and putting effort into getting just weeks earlier. The upshot was a lonnnnnngggg overdue perspective gain: I realized for a long time now I had been able to get these 7ish girls with ease-- why the fuck was I still ever ever ever feeling desparate or needy with them? Hell, I almost hoped my regulars would dump me so I could fill their spots with new girls.

This made my nervousness around 7s really disappear. I hardly cared at all about their reactions when out, which made me dynamite. I was pulling 3+ nights in a row sometimes.

As cool as this was, I am aware now I should have felt this way all along. I mean, I was eventually going to reach this point (and I was really close to it for a full 8 months prior)-- why had I still been feeling neediness / nervousness around 7s?

I can logically see that this same thing will become true for 8s and 9s, and I am now working on accepting it mentally the same way. I have the abundance already but my ego/negativity won't let me see it.

4. Ego Release, Jealousy Release, and Positivity Gain
Returning to the ego...

Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth is my latest obsession. (I think its fantastic and I feel like it's shaved years off my development into who I want to be. I plan on doing a huge writeup on the book which I will post.) The book is all about the differentiation of the ego from the self. The way I understand it, Tolle conceives of the ego as being yourself image-- a phantom self you create with your thoughts, separate from your actual being. This phantom self is comprised of everything you attach to you-- your name, your job, your accomplishments, your short comings, your possessions, even your body.

What's so undesirable about the ego? It's the source of much of your unhappiness. It's the voice in your head that requires the "you" to be better than the "them"-- its the voice I wrote about above that made me feel bad due to the other lair guy's massive success with women-- and its probably the voice that makes my friend feel negativity still sometimes regardless of his massive success.

This "need to feel better than others" was one of my major revelations of the year; it was like a worm in my heart that I was too weak or too unwise to admit. If another player succeded, I would feel the need to be better-- even though I'd never say it, my ego would say in my head "he's cool but I'm smarter / more successful / happier / have a better life." When I saw a monogamous guy with an unattractive girlfriend, I'd say "heh, chode, what a loser, I'm better." When I saw a monogamous guy with a hot girlfriend, the type I dream about, I'd say "heh, monogamy is for suckers" even though deep in my heart I want to be the husband of a beautiful healthy happy family one day, perhaps more than anything else.

Why did I feel the need to "be better" in some imaginary way? Because the ego can't tolerate it.

Thus distancing me from others and always putting them down, my ego was creating negative and hostile relationships. And again, all just imaginary.

When I began becoming more present and releasing my ego more and more, I was able to see the bigger picture. What do I want from my life? The small picture answer was like, career, hot chicks wanting to bang me, family all loving me, friends there to support me. This made it hard for me to really connect with people; coworkers were potential opponents, chicks were ego validation tools, family was taken for granted, friends even were being used to build some network... how can you ever really give value if you live like that?

But the big picture answer of "what I want" is happiness and fulfillment. And when I look at my life that way, everything is more flexible-- nothing ever needs to be perfect, it just needs to point down the road towards the big picture goals. And when I met people, it was rather simple to give value-- is there someway I can help them get towards happiness and fulfillment? Oftentimes just being a good listener is what people need.

I can say its helped me connect with chicks too. Even if it hasn't helped me "get more pussy", its made my friendships and romantic involvements alike deeper and infinitely more fulfilling.

It's a better way of living, and it's one of the most important internal changes I made. Everyday I work on releasing the ego. And that's all I need :)

C. GAME LESSONS

Here are some plug-and-play game lessons based on my experiences.

A quick preliminary note...you might ask yourself, how can so many guys be so awesome at game, but have totally different styles? I posit (like many others) that it's the confidence inside that really matters. The moves themselves are irrelevant.

But anyway, here are my observations...

1. Patience
I was never a patient kid-- I suppose I come from a background of some priviledge so I never had to be. But when it comes to game, I am learning more and more that patience in set is king.

First of all, my most solid club pulls happened in lengthy sets. Look, time is on your side. The more time you spend with a woman, the more invested she becomes in your relationship. You build trust, you build security just by hanging out with eachother. You increase your chance of pulling as the relationship deepens, and you increase that she's going to feel comfortable with the close.

WAIT-- I don't mean "don't try to pull early"; I say go big or go home!-- the importance of making moves can hardly be overstated. What I mean to say is, stay in. Stay in when in doubt. Keep your state good, don't react to failed escalation attempts. Party hard with her, connect with her, have fun, make moves, enjoy the night. But stay in.

And be patient.

I wonder how many sets I threw away over the years, that I could have pulled, simply because I didn't have the patience to hang out and connect with the girl for a couple hours? How many closes on dates did I throw away because when it didn't close on day 2, 3, or 4 I said "fuck it, she's not into me"-- when really she was just saying, "not yet, I need more time"?

My guess is many, and many high quality girls at that. Patience.

2. "Coming Correct" - Do It Right

I learned the importance of speaking up, speaking directly, and about shyness as a game-killer.

I use the words "coming correct" because I think they capture the essence of what I'm getting at here-- asserting yourself with no shyness. Not being afraid to interrupt people's day, not being afraid to take up space, not being afraid to take up time. If you're going to walk up with something to say, come correct. No half assed bullshit.

It seems like an obvious point, right? Even though I had done lots of (often successful) daygame before, daygame in Hong Kong was a different story. With no public parks, one is relegated to shopping malls and bustling narrow streets. Trying to grab passing girls' attention seemed almost impossible-- I was out there opening like 20 sets daily and hooking 3 or 4. It was ridiculous. To top things off, the really hot girls (I was only seeing a handful per day) would always just walk past when I'd say "hello my name is..."

One day, I got fed up. I was sort of pissed. And I went out doing daygame sort of snapping at girls, "hey! come here!" with a look of seriousness. Naturally they were a bit scared, and my game came off as weird at first... but they were stopping and engaging me. The sets didn't go well, but they were really opening. Wow, so I started bringing the same directed energy like "hey!" but with smiles, and positivity.

I was demanding their attention, assuming they needed to talk to me, not asking for their attention to start a conversation. I was coming correct, and boy did it make a different. I number closed three real hotties in a row.

"Coming correct" became an essential part of my game. I think you can apply this more broadly; do things the right way. You know you're not supposed to act like a chode but you do it anyway and then you wonder why your results suck? Come correct, son.

3. Super Direct is Fine
When you're in the mood to get laid, you're in the mood to get laid. I sort of always hid this but it would seep through and come off as weird. A couple times in Hong Kong though, I started coming super direct with girls-- and a couple times it paid off.

One night (a night in which I did two closes), I stopped a girl who looked fuckable in the street. Far from a model but decent body, decent face, dressed all sexy. I just said "hey sexy girl, come here" or something like that, and she did. A minute or two later we were making out. As we kissed, I told her I wanted to fuck her brains out and all the things I'd do to her, she seemed happy. But it being early in the night, I didn't want to go yet, so I just got her number. I told her I'd call her at the end of the night and fuck her then. Sure enough, at 4am, I called, we hopped into a cab, went to my place, and fucked immediately, and she pulled her panties up and walked out the door within 60 seconds of me finishing. Pure meaningless sex. Terribly unfulfilling but then again... all I wanted was the sex, right? ( :P another thing I learned, that kind of sex leaves me feeling empty)

Another night, I was on a date and towards the end of the night, and I said "let's go back to my place and listen to music", no she said. A bit later I suggested "let's go back to my place and look at photos," no she said. Finally, I said "let's go back to my place and I'll fuck you harder than all your exes combined", and she got excited and said yes, into a cab we went.

I can't think of why this really worked beyond... being authentic is the bomb. People appreciate authenticity. Besides, why pretend you want something you don't want anyway? Plenty of girls are looking for fun sex anyway :)

So when you want to go super direct, do it. It's not bad game per se. Say the things you mean. You might be surprised by the results.

4. Just Lead. Lead Hard.
Leading is sort of another no brainer lesson that I needed to have confirmed for me. Go for what you want, lead the interaction without fear.

One night I was out dancing with this chick and I tried to pull her into the bathroom. "Nooo!!" she screamed and looked at me like I was out of my damn mind. Ok fine, we kept dancing. 10 minutes later I told her I needed to piss so I walked to the bathroom, and lo and behold, she chased me into the stall, closed the door, and got onto her knees. (I then snapped a few photos which I later drunkenly showed her friends... don't do that, side lesson lol.)

Another time, I was sort of low-state after a night of blowouts, but I convinced two nice girls in front of the club to go to breakfast with us. Breakfast was uneventful, we barely talked. After breakfast, I simply told my girl "ok, get in the cab, I'll show you pictures from Singapore." Her friend started laughing because it seemed so absurd-- but the girl perfectly complied, I grabbed her hand and into the cab we went. The friend started screaming but to no avail, back to my place, almost no resistance on the close.

I could tell a dozen more stories like that but the point is-- go for what you want. In life, in game, unapologetically go for what you want and let people react to you. Lil Wayne says "I do what I want, you do what you can about it." Well said Mr. Wayne.

I posit that that is the essence of alpha, of being the actor, not the reactor. If you ask a really passive chode "what do you want", he'll shrug. He doesn't know, or if he does, he's too shy to say it. He'll react to whatever the girl wants.

I like to think that I do what I want, go after what I want, and let people react to me. And I think thats a key piece of how game works.


-----------------------------------------

CONCLUSCION

In conclusion...
This year was such a journey, and Hong Kong specifically was a period of tremendous self discovery. I just feel so lucky to have experienced it all. I did things that amazed me but perhaps more importantly, I saw other people do things that put my own life into context.

I'm really glad I took the opportunity to do something sort of random and go over there for 4 months-- I really encouraged anyone to take those sort of opportunities to just up and leave your life and start from scratch in a challenging new place. And it was challenging-- that's why I grew. On top of the growth, there was just the vivid experience of HK-- learning Chinese, seeing that crazy city, encountering some crazy people, and having countless memories of making love and making partnerships. Just fantastic.

I feel so blessed.

I should say the things I've written here are not things I claim to have mastered, but rather major concepts that I'm solidifying now and understanding more and more as I go on.

Accordingly, please contribute your comments, or observations. I won't be responding HERE but feel free to PM questions.

Thanks for reading!
<3
Crush
__________________
Alex Alumn, Tokyo 09
Login or register to post.
#1
Doge~

Doge~

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/19/2007 | Posts: 3688

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK... Jesus Christ bro, I dunno whether to hate you or love you.

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.  You have no idea how bad this is making me hate my current living situation more than it is...

Plus the fact that you're validating how AWESOME HK is.  I eventually want to game in Asia non stop.  My fucking homeland.  Taiwan, HK, Japan, Korea, Singapore, etc.

Fuck dude.  I'm so pissed right now.

I love this post though.  I'm gonna save it and re-read it when I get a chance.

EDIT

FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
__________________
   Wow.
                   Such game.
Much improve.
                              So amaze.
                 Wow.
Login or register to post.
#2
Steve-0!

Steve-0!

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/08/2008 | Posts: 1579

A few things that resonated deep inside me: 

1. Passions are so important, it gives you something to enjoy the time you have on this earth. While fucking girls is great , other girls don't want to hear about you fucking other girls. Go figure! Mine are rock climbing, traveling, teaching, learning, music, coffee, reading, comedy. They are the shit I talk about. I had a friend who only talked about rock climbing, but the passion he spoke made he seem like a maniac. It was obession, I love climbing I just don't love it.

2. Brad once spoke about "giving yourself permission" to go after what you want. We don't feel entitled to something so we do not pursue it. Thanks Brain, appreciate that one!

3. Tim's words.. if you think it is going to be a struggle, than it will.

4. At some point all the foundation work is put it. You need to start building a house. What kind of house do you want it to be? I know what kind of a house I don't want it to be. I have seen some ugly houses. I know there are parts of some beautiful houses I have seen. It is like a women, the perfect girl is out there. What do you want in a women, if you don't know what you are looking for you will never find her.

Aweomse read. Thanks for posting. You still in Hong Kong? 
__________________
Bootcamp of Champions - Mar' 09! Austin Resurrection Crew !  - Embrace Uncertainty
Ozzie - July '09 - London - your social self and become you.

 "In those moments that most people say I can't,  most people say self preservation, most people say what if?... We say "What if?" the other way. What if you land it? What if it is possible?" - Travis Pastrana - X Games Movie   "i'm not in this world to live you up to your expectations. And your not in this world to live up to mine." - Bruce Lee If you are taking more action than anyone else, why should you care about their opinion?" ~Derek "I want to see the world through my own eyes not in the reflection of others." - "While you standing around looking dumb. I make it happen, taking action over time. Got damn good at it too!" - T.I.
Login or register to post.
#3
Jack-Stripper

Jack-Stripper

Trusted Member

Join Date: 11/07/2006 | Posts: 1086

Solid fucking gold. Your vibe rocks mate.

Haze, you turned into an asian mate!

- Luv Jack-Stripper
Login or register to post.
#4
Lazybones

Lazybones

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/21/2008 | Posts: 385

Value post, gonna take some time to read it properly later.
__________________
Perfection doesn't happen by chance it happens by choice.

"Just be cool bro"


Helsinki
Login or register to post.
#5

403ANDERSON

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/10/2009 | Posts: 283

the jealousy man, i understand. amazing work. felt my ego hurting as i read it.
__________________
"If you speak the truth long enough, your word becomes universal law."
Hindu Saying
Login or register to post.
#6

DutchTornado

Member

Join Date: 10/07/2009 | Posts: 58

nice post man. good to see ur progress.
HK is great. Been there several times. There you'll really see what we mean with 'abundance' here. Tons of hot chicks and parties every night of the week.

keep it up
__________________
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH

The gentle  storm that evolved into an all absorbing Tornado
Login or register to post.
#7

Be.Cool

Respected Member

Join Date: 07/04/2010 | Posts: 711

Wow. I just read the whole thing and this is HUGE.

This is a MUST READ!

THANK YOU for this post man.

I can relate to so many things so well and I had huge realizations from reading it.
You saved me a lot of mistakes on my journey. THANK YOU!
Login or register to post.
#8

PlayerTillIDie

Member

Join Date: 11/20/2009 | Posts: 38

Lots of value in this post and lots of props for pulling all this off, and not to ruin your thread or come across as a hater but here's one more for your ego:

Being white in HK, China, Thailand, Singapore or the Philippines with normal social skills usually gets you laid on its on (like Japan in the 80's and 90's, but not as easy there anymore). I'm a white guy in Shanghai doing similar stuff and I know of MANY community guys and naturals from back home doing all this and more. Similarly I know of alot of other community guys who are much more motivated but a few shades darker in color that dont get half as good results simply because of the way they speak or look. The real test for us guys comes when we go back to our countries and feel the girls dont respond as well as girls in Asia did, and we get a reality shock which alot of times becomes detrimental to our game.

No doubt you've grown and you've talked alot about ego, but my genuine advice would be to not  let your HK experience get to your head. Like truly just consider this a bonus level or spring break, real life begins when you get back to the US.

Again, this is not to hate or sound morally superior, just sharing my own personal experience in my travels across asia and back, and how it messed with my head.
Login or register to post.
#9
Papa

Papa

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 5292

 Great article, bro. I love Hong Kong and really enjoyed your article. Great insights and very well written. Like it so much that I'm going to save it on my laptop with the intention of sharing it with students that are from Asia, who ask me about picking up girls in Asia.
__________________
Join RSD Live by visiting the schedule (http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/schedule/) or get RSD online/live programs by visiting RSD Nation Store (http://www.rsdnation.com/store), and join my youtube channel for RSD Papa (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCu5vCs-tKoYzPBxnVF8FYGQ
Login or register to post.
#10

Finess

Junior Member

Join Date: 07/18/2010 | Posts: 14

Dude, thanks for the kind words.

I think many of us tend to have a "grass is greener" mentality that can fuck us up. When you showed up with that Korean girl, I was like 1) damn, she's pretty cute-- I wish I had pulled a girl like that!, and 2) this guy Crush has ridiculous game, from street to club! I hope I can keep up with him!  Having read your posts (and now having met you in person), I have a pang to think, wow, I hope I measure up to Crush! It was your FRs and BC reports that connected with me, inspired me, and led me to Alex and RSD in the first place. You once told me that you wanted to be like me when you grow up, which confused me, because, damn, bro, I want to be like you! wink  But you have to fight negative emotional shifts with the logical realization that it is just your emotions fucking with you, and really, all you can do is be happy with yourself and have as much fun as you can.

I had two nights in HKG with you. Only one of us got laid, man, and it wasn't me.embarrassed And that girl you had was dynamite. But, yeah, my "results" didn't matter, because 1) I got to meet you and hang out, which was something I've been wanting to do for a long time, and 2) I had a ton of fun, from taking away girls from their guys, to meeting ridiculously hot girls in classy 50-whatever floor skyscraper penthouse lounges, bouncing around Wanchai with a rag-tag assortment of party girls and guys, etc. I just spent two nights out with Alex in Tokyo and he closed very hot girls each night, while all I got was some make-outs, great interactions, a few numbers, a little PG-13 action in the club, and almost an accidental drunken cave-man close with a super hot 180cm/ rail-thin transvestite (Yikes!what chu talking about). You can't get too fixated on the destination when really, it's the journey that's so much fun.thumbs up

You're a brilliant guy, you're young, and you've got massive game. You take ideas and you run with them. That's pretty awesome. You took a few ideas I had in my head and thought about them more deeply than even I had. Clearly one of the attributes that makes you a special guy. You're totally inspirational. Being as smart as you are, especially in the academic sense, is hard, because you naturally over-analyze everything until you get ulcers. Yeah, at some point, you gotta stop when it comes to yourself. Feel the inspiration from others, but don't let it become envy, ego or wounded pride. As much as you're thinking, wow, this guy just did X, Y and Z, he's a fucking super stud, the other guy is probably thinking the same thing about you!thumbs up
__________________
 Alex BC (Japan) February 2010
Login or register to post.