THE FORUMS

September 21st, 2017
I feel out of the vibe
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LifeonLock

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/12/2011 | Posts: 109

writing this quick cause i have to get going shortly

i feel like not able to vibe with people and it ends up with me being the outsider and every one turns "against" me

when i meet someone for the first time, it feels awkward for me, because im not sure how to project myself, will they accept my greeting

like if i get a job and i meet someone do i say hey whatsup im Life!

i feel like ill get to know someone decently well but it goes nowhere, they aren't interested in my and don't really care if i were to not leave....

i understand the problem is with me, my father is like this aswell so, most likely thats why i am the same way, 18 years of negative conditioning

a good video to summarize how it ends up being (vid below)


i end up feeling like the white guy, clearly not vibing well with the others at all, tries to change the subject, gets ignored, and people end up kinda subliminaly kicking you out, letting you know your doing it wrong



to make it short i feel i dont know how to develop strong connections with people, where i am giving value, and they want me to stay

instead ill get to know them alittle, not be able to joing the vibe well enough, and then people say to others when im around "hey do you know that guy life?, he sucks"

and i never did anything to hurt/disrespect any of them, just didnt get the vibe well

i guess im just not sure if they'll accept the value i have to give, if they'll find me funny, accept me,

i dont know how far is to far to push, lets say at work sociaily speaking

that being said RARELY, ike 2% of the time has anyone ever initiated convos with me, its always i dont it or i  dont talk to nobody


it just feels akward introducing myself, asking "whats your name"? isnt that what kids in kindergarten do, thats what it feels like


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#1

LifeonLock

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/12/2011 | Posts: 109

btw, i dont feel like this everyday, most days, today was good id say

definetly not as good as i want it to be
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#2

Full_intent~

Trusted Member

Join Date: 03/28/2009 | Posts: 1263

Make your own vibe, express instead of not trying to ''sink'' in conversations.
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#3

videodrome

Junior Member

Join Date: 11/29/2010 | Posts: 12

 Hey, I feel the same but it needn't last forever. 

It is really difficult to deal with because it seems to affect everything. But it's good because you can identify it as a problem and understand that dealing with it can help you with so much.

I have realised people often don't notice I'm uncomfortable or if they do they think they'd like to make it easier but don't know how to. I've told those closest to me about my issues and they've been great about it. 

I am tackling it in different ways:

1. Taking baby-steps by approaching people in shops and asking them normal questions and also challenging myself when in social situations to just say what I want to. Often my mind goes blank or I know what I want to say but feel wrong to say anything. I've started challenging this a lot and after doing this intensely one day and attempting to incorporate it into my life, I feel a lot better about it. However, this is only the surface-level problem; the real problem lies deep within me. 

You can see that some people feel they have a vibe one day and it goes the next. This is because it is only temporary as they have not dealt with their deeper problems. So:

2. Vipassana meditation. I took the 10 day course and do an hour twice a day and I think it helps me relax so that I'm not bothered about the negative feelings. In the end it is supposed to result in transcending of the ego so that you can just be yourself all the time. The closer I get to that the better I feel. It is a long term thing and is supposed to strip away the layers of pain over time. It takes a lot of will power and I do not know how things will be in the end. But a lot has changed in me which makes me think it is working.

3. Therapy. I took one-to-one therapy and was referred for group therapy. This makes me talk about my problems. The therapists ask me questions to get me to realise for myself what the deeper problems are. It is very difficult but it is real.

Other than this I have a superhealthy diet, exercise a lot, am changing my carrer and see good friends and family. I also hardly watch tv, spend time on the internet (well maybe today) or watch porn, drink alcohol or caffeine. It has taken me ages to get to the stage at which I am happy with these things, and lots of trial and error. I am doing the things I honestly want to do rather than doing things just because I know they're good for me. This keeps me positive and stops me descending into depression. If you escape people then things can get a lot worse. Just take your time making yourself happy and doing things you really like doing and which are good for you. Then you won't have time to do the bad things because there's so much to enjoy in life.

I must admit that I am still scared by some social situations and I do keep away. But I understand which ones I can't stand and which ones I am comfortable with. I make sure I keep on doing what I'm comfortable with and make an effort to do a little of what challenges me. Taking on too much can be traumatic.

My advice:
1. do what you want and what is good
2. try vipassana meditation
3. try therapy, if you haven't already
4. be patient: things take time but any small progress is a great thing. Any set-backs can be learnt from and end up as positive
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#4

LifeonLock

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/12/2011 | Posts: 109

videodrome, thanks for taking the time to write that up dude

i tried meditation for a few days 10-15 minutes at a time, didnt stick with it long enough to see results but will try again

i dont think my "issues" are bad enough for therapy

i mean its pretty much, stood up for myself in school, took ALOT of shit for it

basically i was the ONLY person who would resist the "jocks" who would talk shit, id stand up to em, if the talk shit i would back, throw shit at them, got into a few fights

this was at a young as, first fight 5th grade, 2nd and last fight 8th grade and a few things inbetween

but were it left a lasting impact was how other "pussy" kids 98% of the school, would feel more secure just taking the "jocks" shit instead of stand up for themselves so i was the outsider, the weird one

and i guess this left a lasting impression on my throught the years, damn to this day i remember that and it leaves me feeling uncool to talk to certian kinds of people and certain kinds of girls (hot) ones

because i remember them looking at me when i was resisting and fighting back and they'd just side with the majority, every1 did, even though i was CLEARLY telling the truth

i mean its not that big of a deal, junior high shit, but it left a lasting impression on me, you know but my lifestyle has contributed to thats aswell and idle lifestyle, not in to good of shape etc etc
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#5
GaryBusey

GaryBusey

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/01/2010 | Posts: 945

Vibing is all about feeling good. Reading shit about vibing will most likely not make you feel good.

Therapy is gold. Meditation is golden. The Sedona Method is the best.
__________________

thejourneyisnow.org

"There is no world apart from what you wish, and herein lies your ultimate release.
Change but your mind on what you want to see, and all the world must change accordingly." -  A Course in Miracles
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#6

LifeonLock

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/12/2011 | Posts: 109

GaryBusey wrote:
Vibing is all about feeling good. Reading shit about vibing will most likely not make you feel good.

Therapy is gold. Meditation is golden. The Sedona Method is the best.
ya gary, feeling good is a very interesting thing

you can feel good for the biggest reason and for no reason at all

sometimes i feel good and its for no reason at all...and ill vibe well with people

other times im in my head and just get shat on, but people are pretty forgiving to chodes and dont hold it against you if your not super PIMP, just as long as your not fake and rude

gonna try meditation, its probably mandatory in the age of insta-satisfaction, tv internet
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#7
Paris Boum Boum

Paris Boum Boum

Trusted Member

Join Date: 04/02/2009 | Posts: 3081

When you are in a group of people and you're just watching what's happening, (especially when there are girls) just put the biggest cheesy smile on your face ever and keep it. Just be there and smile big. 
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