THE FORUMS

 This girl briefly worked as a bartender at my local bar. Her first day immediately bust on her, and tell her she cant handle working at this rowdy bar, and joke about her dodging ashtrays. Then, I pulled my signature scam for newbies: I turn around, call the bar, and pretend Im the owner, and say "Hey Wendy, this is jerry. Is Woodie hanging out today? Oh, he is? Well, I owe him and his roomate a couple shots. Hook them up with whatever they want." (This works EVERY time, btw!) She was pouring our shots, when the owners wife walks in, and the other bartender had to blurt out my whole scam. She brings our shots anyway, and says "I fucking hate you guys" with a smile of course. 

Anyway, she only worked a few shifts there. I got her number, shot her a test one night, and didnt hear back so I forgot about her. I heard she was a part time stripper to pay for her boobjob. I ran into her at a show, and asked her about her schedule at another bar she worked at. The next week, one of my buddies wanted to go to her other bar, when she was working. She seemed really excited to see me. My buddies all left, and I was gaming her. She gave me free drinks and asked me to stay till she closed and she would give me a ride home. I didnt go for too much when she dropped me off. I was drunk and it was 5 AM.  A few days later I asked her about her work schedule so we could "smoke crack and rape chickens together some time."  She replied "Wed and Thur you cute little thing."

So, last night I go to my local hangout. I noticed she had a xmas stocking hung up there with stuff in it, so I texted her to tell her that. The bartender there used to be a stripper and was telling us some funny ass hell stories, and she mentioned her stripper friends. I asked her if they were fucked up in the head, and she said most of them were pretty normal, and she said Wendy was the coolest chick she'd ever met. (She doesnt know about us, so I was stoked on the info.) I subtley asked if  she were normal, and not a whore, and she said, she was not, and she was super cool, and normal. (for whatever thats worth, but I like hearing it)

Anyway, Wendy texts me back, and it gets interesting: (this goes on all night long while Im at the bar talking to other girls, btw.)

EDIT: Something with the colors isnt working right, and I had to fix everything, so no colors for you:
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her   Well, thank you for letting me know. You should send me that bow tie pic you were telling me about for xmas=)"
(I told her about pictures of my dick I used to take with bowties on it, and on plates with silverware, and other wied shit. I used to send them randomly to my ex)


   me   When I get home, I'll take one for you
  her   yay! You're amazing<3
me      Thats premature. You haven't even seen it yet ;)
her     was just practicing for later. I just really like stuff in bow ties

Stolen from Jeffy here:
me  Ur like a baby polar bear sliding down a rainbow into a pot of kittens

her    Adorable?

me    I think I am :)

her     think so too

me     Aww how sweet. Are you going to kick Santas ass?

her   For not wearing a bow tie?

me   m gonna kick his ass cuz you weren't under my tree this morning with nothing but a bow on.

her    haha. you should. I look ridiculously cute in a bow

me     I'll bet you do. You didnt find me under your tree either.  You gonna lay some shmack down?



her   Fuck yea I am xoxo!

me    xoxo to you too. You at work, or am I turning you on at your grammas house or something?

two hours go by
her     Sorry, Im workin at the titty club tonight. just checked my phone. What are you doing?

me   Im at so and so. call me when your off if want, and if your not full of man-hate 

her   haha ok if its not too late I will


later on after I get home:
me   I got an empty house and a book of dvd's and ur invited

her   Still workin  :(    What happens if get off at 5 or something?
me     Call me if you want. If not, no problem.

I take a picture of my cock with a bow tie on it and send it to her, and passed the fuck out. I wake up to :

her    Your bow tie is adorable=)

her   And your cock is awesome too xoxo

In the afternoon I write: 

me    Thanks for the 'cock'liment. Its ur turn for picture time cuteypants!  ( already have her boobs on my phone)

her     or you can just take me out on thursday. Wouldnt you just rather see it in person?

me   wow. this will be a long four days. Better not be teasin!. I still want naughty pics to tide me over though :)

her   'll see what I can do
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I know this is long and a shitload of texts. but I think it worked great. She was working all night, and I was partying, and I got her hot and bothered as hell, and pretty much telling me we're gonna fuck on thursday.

Any feedback or constructive criticism accepted.