THE FORUMS

July 25th, 2017
Dreams+ Girlfriend = Conflict....Who Wins?
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PlayDate

PlayDate

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/01/2009 | Posts: 450

Pretty much answered my own question after just writing the tittle, BUT want to put this out there and I think writing it down will help me.

Cliffs
- Have had a 3 year and1 year realtionship before along with a few 3 month ones along the way. Then went out for a year and as half, got a bunch of lays. ( check my old FR in my sig)
- Started dating a new girl in Augest, shes great, don't need to list the posotives.
- The girl is truely badass, BUT the town I go to school in, is not only not my home town., but also I have NO ties in this town minus her.

- My dreams envlove me moving ( both of them), I can not pursue EITHER of my life goals in my current location.
- This will be taken place in may, about 10 months after meeting this girl.( after I graduate)
- Orginaly I wrote this to ask for advice on what to do about the girl, but realize I HAVE to move, truly staying there is an awfull idea.

IF anyone else out there has been in the same boat, I'd like to hear your side of the store.
What you did, and what should I do if the girl wants to COME ALONG.
I won't even have known her for a year yet, shes 22, and I am 24. Yea, we are kids.

So guys with some life experence under the belt and age on your side....what do you say?

Dream Big
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"At the end of your life what have you've got except memories? That's it. And then poof. You know, we're all just passing through. You really do have to be selfish. You really can't love anybody else unless you're Goddamn in love with yourself. Be delusional. Be really delusional. Consciously, I know I'm not the best looking guy in the world, but when I walk into a room I'm so convinced I'm good-looking that I *will* go home with your girlfriend. " Gene Simmons


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#1
ambiguity

ambiguity

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/28/2009 | Posts: 5330

Playdate mate, what is up?

Bro, the relationship is new. For me, I have always lived by the philosophy that, you got to be willing to lose the girl to keep the girl.

For me, my dreams are bigger then any relationship or holding onto one specific goal. Its not about pick up or "abundance mindset."

Its about living the dream, my dream, and what I want.

Have you been having conflicting dreams/nightmares?

I went through a stint this year of unimaginable success with girls far beyond my natural success.

Its weird though cause, my dreams seem to materialize. Not always but, a lot of the time especially ones with girls.

You have to find that presence and sense of awareness in you.

Truly, girls come and go man. If your in "the game," you must know that.

If she has as much interest level in you as you have for her, she will come along with you. Other wise, she will be left behind or you leave your dreams behind.

Its part of it man. Being tha man isn't always easy but, its part of the process and of living up to your best self.
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#2
PositiveDominance

PositiveDominance

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/02/2009 | Posts: 399

You have only one life and there are soo many girls. Be on your path, even if has to hurt for awhile, you'll grow more, learn more, become better, and you will find even better relationships. I've made a mistake of going back after breaking up after 2 years, then stayed with her for 3 more years... it was bad at the end. And she was super fucking awesome on every angle. But that's 3 years out of my life bro, I don't regret it, but in last 2 years of being single I've made 10000 times more progress in everything in my life compared to the 5 years I was with the chick. 
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"Oh yeah but to be specific, no you don't learn how to pull and fuck hotties by just chilling out." - Tyler

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#3

The Puzzler

Junior Member

Join Date: 12/04/2010 | Posts: 17

So many great options. Choice overload is becoming interesting for the current generations and the ones to come. All the freedom of choice, but having problems with the overload. It's a mind boggling one. Nobody knows the details of your life and situation. That makes it hard to give specific advice. 

Regarding your decision you have to make (or already made). You will always be right and always be wrong. Depending on things like how your personality is, it's your perception what defines the outcome. The funny thing is you will never know how shit will turn out if you choose the other option. Your brain will just make it the right one or the wrong one. Don't know if you're a half full or half empty kind of guy.

About decisions: We all have problems with the stress of the unknown and satisfaction. The stress of maybe being wrong. The stress of 'what will people think of me"' (e.g. nowadays there's pressure to travel and see the world before you settle). It's not about the choice itself, it's the satisfaction what is decreasing if you have too many possibilities. Because you probably don't have too much direction in your life and what you exactly want, your choices are almost endless. When you get older and have a better feeling of who you are and where you want to go, you will still get "impossible choices'. The difference is that you're more of an expert in a way that you are probably more conscious about what you want or don't want. That will limit your subjective right options. Again you will make choices and it's not about that, but you will be more satisfied. You had much less 'other great choices', making yours probably the best.

About the article below: You definitely can't copy paste this article about jam that easy in your story. Far from :D But it will give you some interesting knowledge about processes in your mind. 

http://www.columbia.edu/~ss957/articles/Choice_is_Demotivating.pdf
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#4
Starfox

Starfox

Respected Member

Join Date: 01/05/2010 | Posts: 576

Always follow your dreams. Always.
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#5
Papa

Papa

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 5360

 I had a similar situation and I left the girl to travel. TThen I found a girl that would travel with me and stayed with her.
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#6
PlayDate

PlayDate

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/01/2009 | Posts: 450

ambiguity wrote:



For me, my dreams are bigger then any relationship or holding onto one specific goal. Its not about pick up or "abundance mindset."

Its about living the dream, my dream, and what I want.




Truly, girls come and go man. If your in "the game," you must know that.

If she has as much interest level in you as you have for her, she will come along with you. Other wise, she will be left behind or you leave your dreams behind.

Its part of it man. Being tha man isn't always easy but, its part of the process and of living up to your best self.
"If she has as much interest level in you as you have for her, she will come along with you. Other wise, she will be left behind or you leave your dreams behind."

Amen man Amen, solid way too look it at.

Great advice as always hope all is well for you its been awhile !

I never thought of it this way and I guess your right, when your dating someone and you deem them great, the thought of leaving them still sucks if you leaving and the realtionship is good. Ive never had this problem before, alwasy left when the realtionship turned bad.

I know, and I think she knows that I can never stay there, becasue doing so will cause me to become angry and bitter ever so slowly, and theres no fucking way I'd give up on my dreams even if I had cancer and was laying on my death bed....the shit is still getting done.

Either way, thank god I do have the abudunce mindset, and that I know I can cold approach, hell I met this girl on a night I DIDN"T want to go out at all....went out ALONE, SOBER and made shit happen. Thats what its about.

Cheers man !
__________________
"At the end of your life what have you've got except memories? That's it. And then poof. You know, we're all just passing through. You really do have to be selfish. You really can't love anybody else unless you're Goddamn in love with yourself. Be delusional. Be really delusional. Consciously, I know I'm not the best looking guy in the world, but when I walk into a room I'm so convinced I'm good-looking that I *will* go home with your girlfriend. " Gene Simmons


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#7
PlayDate

PlayDate

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/01/2009 | Posts: 450

The Puzzler wrote:
So many great options. Choice overload is becoming interesting for the current generations and the ones to come. All the freedom of choice, but having problems with the overload. It's a mind boggling one. Nobody knows the details of your life and situation. That makes it hard to give specific advice. 

Regarding your decision you have to make (or already made). You will always be right and always be wrong. Depending on things like how your personality is, it's your perception what defines the outcome. The funny thing is you will never know how shit will turn out if you choose the other option. Your brain will just make it the right one or the wrong one. Don't know if you're a half full or half empty kind of guy.

About decisions: We all have problems with the stress of the unknown and satisfaction. The stress of maybe being wrong. The stress of 'what will people think of me"' (e.g. nowadays there's pressure to travel and see the world before you settle). It's not about the choice itself, it's the satisfaction what is decreasing if you have too many possibilities. Because you probably don't have too much direction in your life and what you exactly want, your choices are almost endless. When you get older and have a better feeling of who you are and where you want to go, you will still get "impossible choices'. The difference is that you're more of an expert in a way that you are probably more conscious about what you want or don't want. That will limit your subjective right options. Again you will make choices and it's not about that, but you will be more satisfied. You had much less 'other great choices', making yours probably the best.

About the article below: You definitely can't copy paste this article about jam that easy in your story. Far from :D But it will give you some interesting knowledge about processes in your mind. 

http://www.columbia.edu/~ss957/articles/Choice_is_Demotivating.pdf








Will read article asap ! great post man...


kinda hard to follow your written words, I think you are just very well written, and my reading isn't as good as I thought.

and you will never know how shit will turn out if you picked one choice or the other......I like that
__________________
"At the end of your life what have you've got except memories? That's it. And then poof. You know, we're all just passing through. You really do have to be selfish. You really can't love anybody else unless you're Goddamn in love with yourself. Be delusional. Be really delusional. Consciously, I know I'm not the best looking guy in the world, but when I walk into a room I'm so convinced I'm good-looking that I *will* go home with your girlfriend. " Gene Simmons


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#8
PlayDate

PlayDate

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/01/2009 | Posts: 450

Papa wrote:
 I had a similar situation and I left the girl to travel. TThen I found a girl that would travel with me and stayed with her.
Wins, thanks papa always good to hear from a soild source....was it hard for you to leave the orginal girl? 
__________________
"At the end of your life what have you've got except memories? That's it. And then poof. You know, we're all just passing through. You really do have to be selfish. You really can't love anybody else unless you're Goddamn in love with yourself. Be delusional. Be really delusional. Consciously, I know I'm not the best looking guy in the world, but when I walk into a room I'm so convinced I'm good-looking that I *will* go home with your girlfriend. " Gene Simmons


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#9
Sketchyyy

Sketchyyy

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/13/2009 | Posts: 592

 Been in a relationship for over a year now, I've learned a lot. This issue, is one I definitely had to overcome.

While you're in the community you tend to become very ambitious, have great goals for yourself, etc. Which, you should. It means you are on the right track. If you have a girl, and you feel as if she may be holding you back (though, she really isnt, its just a feeling which can be diminished if acted upon correctly), the solution is to involve/include her in your goals. 
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#10
UtopiaFive

UtopiaFive

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/16/2008 | Posts: 4960

 Bring her.  Its not always either-or, there is an -and- too.  
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