THE FORUMS
My run last Saturday (1 hr of interval sprints uphill) destroyed my achilles tendons. Then on Sunday I deadlift 245x9, and play 2.5hrs of ball.
I am so fucked up from that shit. Yesterday I hit the YMCA to roll my death-heel out, hit the sauna, steam room, and shower. Feels so so much better today but still not risking ball on it until this weekend; a week off will give the last 4 days of play last week some time to sit and grow more neurological pathways, or some bullshit like that.
Meanwhile Im gonna go head out to do some ILLEGAL POSTERING IN MY CITY TO MAKE ART CAUSE I BE INTO THAT SHIT LIKE A G. Meeting up with my boy I had drinks w/ last Friday, cool cat, doesn't have too many friends but is chill as fuck, so thats great, like the no-judgment attitude from him, zero fronting.
Hopefully I wont have to run from police.
EDIT: Recent text highlights w/ K:
Me: "I own you"
Me: "And you fucking like it"
K: "Love it."
I am so fucked up from that shit. Yesterday I hit the YMCA to roll my death-heel out, hit the sauna, steam room, and shower. Feels so so much better today but still not risking ball on it until this weekend; a week off will give the last 4 days of play last week some time to sit and grow more neurological pathways, or some bullshit like that.
Meanwhile Im gonna go head out to do some ILLEGAL POSTERING IN MY CITY TO MAKE ART CAUSE I BE INTO THAT SHIT LIKE A G. Meeting up with my boy I had drinks w/ last Friday, cool cat, doesn't have too many friends but is chill as fuck, so thats great, like the no-judgment attitude from him, zero fronting.
Hopefully I wont have to run from police.
EDIT: Recent text highlights w/ K:
Me: "I own you"
Me: "And you fucking like it"
K: "Love it."
__________________
My Field Reports: Cat 3.0 -- "And Then There Was Bootcamp. And It Was Good"
Highlight for last night with K, had seeded an experiment with her involving "Usher on repeat" wtf, hah. Really its to use some sort of female masturbation technique for 15 minutes, and I realized it would be super fucking random to go from hooking up and getting down to like.. doing that shit since it requires prep and if we're in the moment I'm just going to want my cock in her mouth. I explain it almost.. scientifically, like fucking a lab project. Breaking rapport voice (which I've been using a lot more, with pauses, to amp attraction on the phone with K, working well, good lessons) say "You down?" Her: "Um, yeah." Pause. Pause.
Both of us blow up, that thread is just sitting there, I literally change subjects to the weather in her town and see going to visit her, since she visits me every weekend and that would make me a nice guy, maybe.
Will let you guys know how that goes, heh.
Been a productive week, that chick J is flirting with me a lot, hard to say no to that.. I'm leading her on.. ehh... anyway, been working on the nonprofit thats going really well, went out last night postering, met two new dudes, facebook them. Meeting a lot of people, I'm pretty good about facebooking them quick on my phone and then being really cool. I know I offer a lot of value based on how these dudes react to me, yet i'm never thinking about that when Im with them (and i do think about that when its with girls.. eggghhh :( work on that.
Weekend should be nuts, not doing the MDMA cause theres not a big enough show to warrant it, will "go with the flow" as K said, aka I lead us through the night on a drunken romp. Really want a public blowjob from her, just realized, will work on that intention until this weekend, we'll see what transpires.
Love
Both of us blow up, that thread is just sitting there, I literally change subjects to the weather in her town and see going to visit her, since she visits me every weekend and that would make me a nice guy, maybe.
Will let you guys know how that goes, heh.
Been a productive week, that chick J is flirting with me a lot, hard to say no to that.. I'm leading her on.. ehh... anyway, been working on the nonprofit thats going really well, went out last night postering, met two new dudes, facebook them. Meeting a lot of people, I'm pretty good about facebooking them quick on my phone and then being really cool. I know I offer a lot of value based on how these dudes react to me, yet i'm never thinking about that when Im with them (and i do think about that when its with girls.. eggghhh :( work on that.
Weekend should be nuts, not doing the MDMA cause theres not a big enough show to warrant it, will "go with the flow" as K said, aka I lead us through the night on a drunken romp. Really want a public blowjob from her, just realized, will work on that intention until this weekend, we'll see what transpires.
Love
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My Field Reports: Cat 3.0 -- "And Then There Was Bootcamp. And It Was Good"
Going to begin another 30 day challenge next Monday, too little going on in my life socially right now, hate sitting at home thinking about K and not having her available; flirting over text and phone doesnt cut it, and we're both sorta playing the "who is gonna initiate contact" game, fucking dumb.
Considering how to call out this shit with her, just be real with her about my feelings, see where shes at, if she feels like she wants to go there, or if shes holding herself back; I want to be able to fall for this chick but right now it seems like we're both playing safe, not opening ourselves fully; I'm done with that, the masculine thing to do is to state the truth: I want her to be the feminine side of my life right now, in a committed, girlfriend boyfriend relationship.
I'll let the chips fall where they may. At least this way I'll get this shit over with if its not gonna work, and start with my day2s during the week again.
30 day challenge 2 starts Monday.
Considering how to call out this shit with her, just be real with her about my feelings, see where shes at, if she feels like she wants to go there, or if shes holding herself back; I want to be able to fall for this chick but right now it seems like we're both playing safe, not opening ourselves fully; I'm done with that, the masculine thing to do is to state the truth: I want her to be the feminine side of my life right now, in a committed, girlfriend boyfriend relationship.
I'll let the chips fall where they may. At least this way I'll get this shit over with if its not gonna work, and start with my day2s during the week again.
30 day challenge 2 starts Monday.
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My Field Reports: Cat 3.0 -- "And Then There Was Bootcamp. And It Was Good"
No more with K.
I am saddened by this, truly.
But I'm glad for how I acted, very very glad.
I was a man, I told her that my feelings were getting stronger, that it was scary. I told her the truth for me, that where I was going internally was into a serious thing, serious feelings.
She said she feels it too, and its so hard because shes been in relationships for the last 4+ years, she hasnt been single for more than 4 months in that time. She said that its so good and its so hard for her to say, looking me in the eyes when she says this, that she doesnt want to do something serious right now.
She asked if I still wanted to hang out. I said yeah, I just told you, you're awesome, I don't want to lose you from my life. She stopped me and said no, you are awesome, you have so much going on its incredible. I laughed it off, being humble. Looking her in the eyes I know she was so serious. Serious about it being hard to stop, she had tears, and serious about me being amazing.
It's a hard thing to do guys, I am sad, I feel sad. Its hard to let it dissolve. But thats what needs to happen, what can I do but respect her feelings?
I'm so fucking proud of myself though. Damn. In the past I would've done something to keep it from stopping, held on in some way, tried some weird manipulation. FUCK THAT I AM A MAN.
I AM A MAN.
AND I DO WHAT IS RIGHT.
Right action, always.
Day 1 of my new 30 day challenge starts right now.
I am saddened by this, truly.
But I'm glad for how I acted, very very glad.
I was a man, I told her that my feelings were getting stronger, that it was scary. I told her the truth for me, that where I was going internally was into a serious thing, serious feelings.
She said she feels it too, and its so hard because shes been in relationships for the last 4+ years, she hasnt been single for more than 4 months in that time. She said that its so good and its so hard for her to say, looking me in the eyes when she says this, that she doesnt want to do something serious right now.
She asked if I still wanted to hang out. I said yeah, I just told you, you're awesome, I don't want to lose you from my life. She stopped me and said no, you are awesome, you have so much going on its incredible. I laughed it off, being humble. Looking her in the eyes I know she was so serious. Serious about it being hard to stop, she had tears, and serious about me being amazing.
It's a hard thing to do guys, I am sad, I feel sad. Its hard to let it dissolve. But thats what needs to happen, what can I do but respect her feelings?
I'm so fucking proud of myself though. Damn. In the past I would've done something to keep it from stopping, held on in some way, tried some weird manipulation. FUCK THAT I AM A MAN.
I AM A MAN.
AND I DO WHAT IS RIGHT.
Right action, always.
Day 1 of my new 30 day challenge starts right now.
__________________
My Field Reports: Cat 3.0 -- "And Then There Was Bootcamp. And It Was Good"
Realized after chatting with a buddy about this for a minute that I need a week off, a week to detox from K, from "wanting to do well with girls", from any validation seeking. Going to make the focus of this week, until next Friday evening, about myself, just easing myself back into that self-validation state. I'm not far away from it, but I know going out tonight with the intention of picking up a chick will be really reactionary, and I don't want to build those habits / beliefs in me, not the guy I want to be.
Plan for tonight is highly social regardless, going to drink wine and have a delicious dinner with my mom, who is awesome, then meet up with my good guy friends, talk shit about women (kidding, I never do this and hate men who do because they are dumb and take no action and thus blame women), and drink whiskey at this whiskey bar. Plan is to head home, smoke dro with my boy, and put up a poster somewhere in my neighborhood at like 3am.
I think this will be totally satisfying to me.
Cheers guys, happy Friday. I'm so lucky to be alive and feel all these feelings that I've shared on this thread; it's seriously a fucking miracle, I am so grateful.
Plan for tonight is highly social regardless, going to drink wine and have a delicious dinner with my mom, who is awesome, then meet up with my good guy friends, talk shit about women (kidding, I never do this and hate men who do because they are dumb and take no action and thus blame women), and drink whiskey at this whiskey bar. Plan is to head home, smoke dro with my boy, and put up a poster somewhere in my neighborhood at like 3am.
I think this will be totally satisfying to me.
Cheers guys, happy Friday. I'm so lucky to be alive and feel all these feelings that I've shared on this thread; it's seriously a fucking miracle, I am so grateful.
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My Field Reports: Cat 3.0 -- "And Then There Was Bootcamp. And It Was Good"
Good luck with all that man. Also consider not getting too drunk, you probably don't want to avoid things right now, it might be a really important time for you to really pay attention, and thus learn about yourself. Hope that makes sense
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DavePower
Draw state from within.
Draw state from within.
Hey cat. Sorry to hear about what happened with K. Seemed like you really wanted a committed relationship.
The same thing happened with me last year when I entered pick up. I met a really awesome beautiful dentist, she actually wanted a long term serious relationship but knew that I was seeing other girls and was goin out to meet other girls. She actually ended it with me when she found a new dude who really wanted her. It hurt man. I had two more girls I was dating after that (prob within 3 weeks) but it wasn't the same at all.
But I'm a MUCH BETTER PERSON FOR IT - and you will be too. I wouldn't go straight back into pick up mode right yet - just take a chill and allow your experiences to soak in and what you've learned. I haven't been following you (just dip in and out cos you seem to have a good outlook) but seems like she was the first girl you "really liked" when doing this. You'll meet even better girls, you'll just have to trust in that. Anyway embrace the pain homey it's part of the journey to becoming the man I know who want to be.
I really like your honesty on this thread. I'm finding with my thread I'm just being totally honest (i've got zero results and doing a TOTAL reworking of my multiple insecurities and limiting beliefs from the ground up - FINALLY understood the Blueprint after about zillion listens ;-)). Anyway I've found, when you're totallly honest about shit it really leaves no room for ego. Ego really is a terrible thing.
Good luck mate ... will be expecting big things from you.
The same thing happened with me last year when I entered pick up. I met a really awesome beautiful dentist, she actually wanted a long term serious relationship but knew that I was seeing other girls and was goin out to meet other girls. She actually ended it with me when she found a new dude who really wanted her. It hurt man. I had two more girls I was dating after that (prob within 3 weeks) but it wasn't the same at all.
But I'm a MUCH BETTER PERSON FOR IT - and you will be too. I wouldn't go straight back into pick up mode right yet - just take a chill and allow your experiences to soak in and what you've learned. I haven't been following you (just dip in and out cos you seem to have a good outlook) but seems like she was the first girl you "really liked" when doing this. You'll meet even better girls, you'll just have to trust in that. Anyway embrace the pain homey it's part of the journey to becoming the man I know who want to be.
I really like your honesty on this thread. I'm finding with my thread I'm just being totally honest (i've got zero results and doing a TOTAL reworking of my multiple insecurities and limiting beliefs from the ground up - FINALLY understood the Blueprint after about zillion listens ;-)). Anyway I've found, when you're totallly honest about shit it really leaves no room for ego. Ego really is a terrible thing.
Good luck mate ... will be expecting big things from you.
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"let the game be beautiful" Ryan~
MY PRE BOOTCAMP JOURNAL - a very honest account of a guy trying to transform this area of his lifehttp://www.rsdnation.com/node/176546
ALEXANDER BOOTCAMP REVIEW - Oslo, September 2011 http://www.rsdnation.com/node/200440
POST BOOTCAMP JOURNAL - holding myself accountable, seeing how far I can go. http://www.rsdnation.com/node/201364
MY PRE BOOTCAMP JOURNAL - a very honest account of a guy trying to transform this area of his lifehttp://www.rsdnation.com/node/176546
ALEXANDER BOOTCAMP REVIEW - Oslo, September 2011 http://www.rsdnation.com/node/200440
POST BOOTCAMP JOURNAL - holding myself accountable, seeing how far I can go. http://www.rsdnation.com/node/201364
You're an inspiration to us all Cat, Keep it up.
I wouldn't have started a 30 day challenge if it wasn't for your kind words of encouragement and from reading your journal and It has made a huge difference in my lifestyle so far.
and I'm not the only one who would agree.
We love you dude ;)
I wouldn't have started a 30 day challenge if it wasn't for your kind words of encouragement and from reading your journal and It has made a huge difference in my lifestyle so far.
and I'm not the only one who would agree.
We love you dude ;)
Cat
Trusted Member
Join Date: 12/03/2010 | Posts: 1954
2) I think that I need to reassess my intentions in the things I do. How I see them when I'm not doing them, what I think their value will be to me during the activity and after.