THE FORUMS
1/102011 - Monday - Day #27.
Chill day, head to the office, our new intern is already there, conversation going first thing.
My biz partner hits our office later, the team of 4 is chillin, Im talking about the movie I saw the night before, we are bullshiting about NBA too.
Some shit happens during work hours, not much else to mention.
I’m headed home from work, gotta grab a prescription from Walgreens and walk home, hit the gym, cook dinner, then have tea with that chick, S, who I nailed in November (we’ve subsequently hung out one time as friends since she went needy/relationship on me).
Head to the bus stop around the corner from my work. I see some chick there and figure whatever I’ll get some approach in. I ask her if she knows if the 10 bus has gone by yet, she has a long drawn out answer.. feels like interest to me, shes looking at me, shes curious, def a kinda nerdy social chick. Shes got a good looking hip to thinness ratio, good legs, pretty meh face. Shes a 8 body 7 face, she seems interesting though.
I am so chill. Just like, in my head, the whole we’ve known each other for 100 years. We chit chat about how buses are never late, I tease her on being impatient, shes from NYC, differences between here in there, she likes it here more, we chat more, bus shows up, she says “are you going to sit with me on our bus ride?” in a way that is an invitation, I say “yeah yeah we’ll be friends, I’ll grab your contact info”; she ends up working close to me at some cafe, we have some stuff in common with work, she has her phone out and is putting my name in her notes app on her iPhone, I laugh and tell her to add me to her PHONE, text me.
Her name is D, she seems fun. We have a very very chill conversation, a bit of laughing and flirting from my end, more just me handling the situation completely naturally, totally comfortably, leading the conversation through different emotions, types of vibing, jokes and humor and seriousness.
Shes def not holding eye contact because shes nervous, she’ll look over occasionally. Very weird considering how overtly interested she was in me. I end up sharing a fair amount about myself, school, growing up, siblings, job, interests, all on a 10 minute bus ride. Was so fucking chill, jesus.
Put in no effort. So yeah that was insanely solid. Head out of the bus with her contact info, said we should kick it and meet each others friends. Shes probably 2-4 years my senior, but who knows. [Just texted her, got a txt back, cool]
I head to Walgreens to fill my scrip, am waiting there so I leave a vmail for J who doesnt pick up and call my friend JLY (fuck I need to write more names or something) and make plans to grab a drink on Friday (shes chill, hip chick, friend from high school) and chat with my dad about my heart shit, high blood pressure, docs etc.
Head out to my place, throw on my gym shit and destroy the weight room.
3 exercises, 1 set to failure. Leg press, bench press, lat rows. All SLOW. Felt HUGE after.
I am already +5lbs since I last lifted/weighed myself, last Wednesday (was Monday, so thats 4 days off). Gotta love bulking clean, I feel like Im losing fat and I know Im gaining mass, strength.
Love me some more manhandling. Goal weight is 190, was at 178, now 183... next week 187 I hope :)
I head home and EAT A FUCKLOAD yay. 2 chick breasts, peas, mustard greens, half a squash, hot sauce. I later eat 60g of tuna, 3 tortillas, raisins, and hot chocolate, supplements.
I take my first bloodpressure pill (lets see this go from 150/90 to 120/80 please-- so weird I’m 23, almost at a 6 pack of abs, very clean diet, exercise everyday.. so strange, whatever, getting it handled = taking action).
Head home, shower, dont feel at all like hanging out with S, just want to smoke some dro and be done for the day, exhausted, but whatever, I made plans and Im not a flake, not who I am.
She comes over and its chill, I just make us some good tea, pay attention to making it (I have all the traditional chinese tea ceremony pieces and really enjoy the meditative, slow practice of making a good cup, sipping it in small tastes, and really tasting and enjoying the tea and the process). We chat about life, my trip, her new job, her music gigs, tea, personalities, relationships, parents, that stuff.
I give her this compliment: I tell her Ive met a lot of other girls since I saw her (insert her rolling eyes here) and I tell her that all of them are too agreeable, they dont challenge me on my shit, they dont make me question myself. I tell her she does this ALL THE TIME, she is a challenge for me, and I like that, and I qualify it by saying I like it WHEN its appropriate, I like it when you stand up for your own thoughts and make me explain mine.
She is genuinely pleased, cool, I meant this. Not that I dont mind it when girls agree with me to seek approval, although too much is bad, its just that I do like a bit of a challenge. M from Wednesday and Friday was not at all a challenge, she was sucking me off via validating all my ideas/pursuits/goals. Nice but I didnt feel like I had to work much with her, like I had to do shit to get her approval.
Interesting dynamic. I think this is why I really like K. She doesnt test me or challenge me in terms of calling me out, or disagreeing with my logically. Rather she challenges me because shes got a lot of hot cool people around her, shes constantly learning and reading, constantly making art, growing. Implicitly to be with her I want to be up on that shit too, be challenging myself. I value that stuff and because she does it I want to do it more and better.
Likewise when I tell K I really like that she does yoga and is into health, this encourages her to focus on that, to validate herself through the action of doing that stuff, AND through the fact that she knows she gains my approval when she does it too. Same goes with reading and art for her, I let her know I really like that stuff.
Been doing that a lot more and its very cool, people want to be brought up, encouraged to grow. Fucking do it for them.
S bounces at 930ish, I smoke some dro and throw on some music, flirt with M (secretary), K, and J via text. Watch bball highlights, read a bit of this new book “Born to Run” (not really challenging but interesting), finish a book. Been focusing more on art so reading and watching films = good.
Crash after eating my heart out. Was a chill day.
I think I really deserve a day to be bored as fuck, come home early and do nothing. I need a day to just relax and get bored, been so busy these last 43 days since I started this journal, but its good.
Been planing a 30 day review article to post in the main forum once I’m done. Will share lessons and positives, some highlights, some actual stats as far as approaches, numbers, lays, etc, and then just yell at all those fucking idiots who are writing most of their posts in the Main Forums, since they are all retarded pseudo-science fucknuts who dont write FRs. BAHH! Get out there ya noobs.
Another easy fucking day, damn this shit is getting simple. I’m not doing INSANE SHIT and FUCKING TREES I’m working on my personality, my social skills, making friends, meeting women, and having a great time working on the parts of my life I want to improve and grow (bball, art, reading, film, friends, girls, sex, health, psychology, happiness).
Happy times!
Lessons:
- Shit is easy, just be chill, start the conversation.
- Lead through lulls, breaks in conversation, always be the guy that people can turn to when they feel a bit of social tension, the guy that dissolves that instantly.
- Easy = success. Celebrate that shit.
- Almost always worth chilling with someone, I need to just get more comfortable with it being a range, put less pressure on myself to make it “tight” and “awesome” when I don’t want to. Instead I can make it exciting and crazy with X person and chill with them at time T2 and crazy with Y person at T2. Its about chilling, not like “owning it up all the time”. Chill, fun, positive, dominate man.
Positives:
- Easiest number ever. Again.
- Im just fucking happy, it was so chill, so god damn simple to get that number -- IT MADE SO MUCH SENSE TO BOTH OF US. She seemed cool, I am cool, we should hang out. No pressure to make it into something, although I know I can (yay reference experiences); rather it’s just like, yeah, lets kick it, we’ll have fun.
- Dominated the gym, was almost convincing myself I didnt have time but was like fuck that, haha stupid, and went. Killed it, feels great, happy about adding 5lbs of weight in 5ish days. We’ll see how that keeps up!
- Enjoyed S, shes chill, cool to have someone keep me on my feet a bit, although it was funny, just the simple fact of being so chill that day made all her “challenges” come off as just like, funny little feisty behaviors. Was cool though, fun to kick it.
- Didnt feel like I had to prove shit to anyone, including myself. Was very happy with no results for the day, just to show up to my thing w/ S. Didnt overly suck my own cock about getting Ds # either, just like, ah cool, another person. I think the “external validation” game is getting less and less a part of my psychology. It’s nice.
- Happy boy.
Chill day, head to the office, our new intern is already there, conversation going first thing.
My biz partner hits our office later, the team of 4 is chillin, Im talking about the movie I saw the night before, we are bullshiting about NBA too.
Some shit happens during work hours, not much else to mention.
I’m headed home from work, gotta grab a prescription from Walgreens and walk home, hit the gym, cook dinner, then have tea with that chick, S, who I nailed in November (we’ve subsequently hung out one time as friends since she went needy/relationship on me).
Head to the bus stop around the corner from my work. I see some chick there and figure whatever I’ll get some approach in. I ask her if she knows if the 10 bus has gone by yet, she has a long drawn out answer.. feels like interest to me, shes looking at me, shes curious, def a kinda nerdy social chick. Shes got a good looking hip to thinness ratio, good legs, pretty meh face. Shes a 8 body 7 face, she seems interesting though.
I am so chill. Just like, in my head, the whole we’ve known each other for 100 years. We chit chat about how buses are never late, I tease her on being impatient, shes from NYC, differences between here in there, she likes it here more, we chat more, bus shows up, she says “are you going to sit with me on our bus ride?” in a way that is an invitation, I say “yeah yeah we’ll be friends, I’ll grab your contact info”; she ends up working close to me at some cafe, we have some stuff in common with work, she has her phone out and is putting my name in her notes app on her iPhone, I laugh and tell her to add me to her PHONE, text me.
Her name is D, she seems fun. We have a very very chill conversation, a bit of laughing and flirting from my end, more just me handling the situation completely naturally, totally comfortably, leading the conversation through different emotions, types of vibing, jokes and humor and seriousness.
Shes def not holding eye contact because shes nervous, she’ll look over occasionally. Very weird considering how overtly interested she was in me. I end up sharing a fair amount about myself, school, growing up, siblings, job, interests, all on a 10 minute bus ride. Was so fucking chill, jesus.
Put in no effort. So yeah that was insanely solid. Head out of the bus with her contact info, said we should kick it and meet each others friends. Shes probably 2-4 years my senior, but who knows. [Just texted her, got a txt back, cool]
I head to Walgreens to fill my scrip, am waiting there so I leave a vmail for J who doesnt pick up and call my friend JLY (fuck I need to write more names or something) and make plans to grab a drink on Friday (shes chill, hip chick, friend from high school) and chat with my dad about my heart shit, high blood pressure, docs etc.
Head out to my place, throw on my gym shit and destroy the weight room.
3 exercises, 1 set to failure. Leg press, bench press, lat rows. All SLOW. Felt HUGE after.
I am already +5lbs since I last lifted/weighed myself, last Wednesday (was Monday, so thats 4 days off). Gotta love bulking clean, I feel like Im losing fat and I know Im gaining mass, strength.
Love me some more manhandling. Goal weight is 190, was at 178, now 183... next week 187 I hope :)
I head home and EAT A FUCKLOAD yay. 2 chick breasts, peas, mustard greens, half a squash, hot sauce. I later eat 60g of tuna, 3 tortillas, raisins, and hot chocolate, supplements.
I take my first bloodpressure pill (lets see this go from 150/90 to 120/80 please-- so weird I’m 23, almost at a 6 pack of abs, very clean diet, exercise everyday.. so strange, whatever, getting it handled = taking action).
Head home, shower, dont feel at all like hanging out with S, just want to smoke some dro and be done for the day, exhausted, but whatever, I made plans and Im not a flake, not who I am.
She comes over and its chill, I just make us some good tea, pay attention to making it (I have all the traditional chinese tea ceremony pieces and really enjoy the meditative, slow practice of making a good cup, sipping it in small tastes, and really tasting and enjoying the tea and the process). We chat about life, my trip, her new job, her music gigs, tea, personalities, relationships, parents, that stuff.
I give her this compliment: I tell her Ive met a lot of other girls since I saw her (insert her rolling eyes here) and I tell her that all of them are too agreeable, they dont challenge me on my shit, they dont make me question myself. I tell her she does this ALL THE TIME, she is a challenge for me, and I like that, and I qualify it by saying I like it WHEN its appropriate, I like it when you stand up for your own thoughts and make me explain mine.
She is genuinely pleased, cool, I meant this. Not that I dont mind it when girls agree with me to seek approval, although too much is bad, its just that I do like a bit of a challenge. M from Wednesday and Friday was not at all a challenge, she was sucking me off via validating all my ideas/pursuits/goals. Nice but I didnt feel like I had to work much with her, like I had to do shit to get her approval.
Interesting dynamic. I think this is why I really like K. She doesnt test me or challenge me in terms of calling me out, or disagreeing with my logically. Rather she challenges me because shes got a lot of hot cool people around her, shes constantly learning and reading, constantly making art, growing. Implicitly to be with her I want to be up on that shit too, be challenging myself. I value that stuff and because she does it I want to do it more and better.
Likewise when I tell K I really like that she does yoga and is into health, this encourages her to focus on that, to validate herself through the action of doing that stuff, AND through the fact that she knows she gains my approval when she does it too. Same goes with reading and art for her, I let her know I really like that stuff.
Been doing that a lot more and its very cool, people want to be brought up, encouraged to grow. Fucking do it for them.
S bounces at 930ish, I smoke some dro and throw on some music, flirt with M (secretary), K, and J via text. Watch bball highlights, read a bit of this new book “Born to Run” (not really challenging but interesting), finish a book. Been focusing more on art so reading and watching films = good.
Crash after eating my heart out. Was a chill day.
I think I really deserve a day to be bored as fuck, come home early and do nothing. I need a day to just relax and get bored, been so busy these last 43 days since I started this journal, but its good.
Been planing a 30 day review article to post in the main forum once I’m done. Will share lessons and positives, some highlights, some actual stats as far as approaches, numbers, lays, etc, and then just yell at all those fucking idiots who are writing most of their posts in the Main Forums, since they are all retarded pseudo-science fucknuts who dont write FRs. BAHH! Get out there ya noobs.
Another easy fucking day, damn this shit is getting simple. I’m not doing INSANE SHIT and FUCKING TREES I’m working on my personality, my social skills, making friends, meeting women, and having a great time working on the parts of my life I want to improve and grow (bball, art, reading, film, friends, girls, sex, health, psychology, happiness).
Happy times!
Lessons:
- Shit is easy, just be chill, start the conversation.
- Lead through lulls, breaks in conversation, always be the guy that people can turn to when they feel a bit of social tension, the guy that dissolves that instantly.
- Easy = success. Celebrate that shit.
- Almost always worth chilling with someone, I need to just get more comfortable with it being a range, put less pressure on myself to make it “tight” and “awesome” when I don’t want to. Instead I can make it exciting and crazy with X person and chill with them at time T2 and crazy with Y person at T2. Its about chilling, not like “owning it up all the time”. Chill, fun, positive, dominate man.
Positives:
- Easiest number ever. Again.
- Im just fucking happy, it was so chill, so god damn simple to get that number -- IT MADE SO MUCH SENSE TO BOTH OF US. She seemed cool, I am cool, we should hang out. No pressure to make it into something, although I know I can (yay reference experiences); rather it’s just like, yeah, lets kick it, we’ll have fun.
- Dominated the gym, was almost convincing myself I didnt have time but was like fuck that, haha stupid, and went. Killed it, feels great, happy about adding 5lbs of weight in 5ish days. We’ll see how that keeps up!
- Enjoyed S, shes chill, cool to have someone keep me on my feet a bit, although it was funny, just the simple fact of being so chill that day made all her “challenges” come off as just like, funny little feisty behaviors. Was cool though, fun to kick it.
- Didnt feel like I had to prove shit to anyone, including myself. Was very happy with no results for the day, just to show up to my thing w/ S. Didnt overly suck my own cock about getting Ds # either, just like, ah cool, another person. I think the “external validation” game is getting less and less a part of my psychology. It’s nice.
- Happy boy.
__________________
My Field Reports: Cat 3.0 -- "And Then There Was Bootcamp. And It Was Good"
This journal is truely inspirational, time to get off my arse methinks!
Keep it up dude, I wish you all the happiness and fullfilment that you deserve for all this value. :)
Thanks man, I really appreciate those words, and shit it's crazy that I can help you guys out with these stories, I really enjoy writing them, but man THEY GIVE ME SOOO MUCH VALUE.Keep it up dude, I wish you all the happiness and fullfilment that you deserve for all this value. :)
It's an opportunity everyday to reflect on a mission I'm doing, to focus on the positive, on what I'm learning, and to hold myself accountable for my own success and happiness and action.
Def get off your arse man!! Seriously just showing up at a coffee shop and talking to no one, but GETTING OUT OF YOUR HOUSE, for 30 days in a row is going to have a big impact on your own personal happiness and mental / emotional wellbeing. I promise.
Again, thanks for the kind words, it's wonderful.
I LOVE chicks! Go out and love em too!
__________________
My Field Reports: Cat 3.0 -- "And Then There Was Bootcamp. And It Was Good"
1/11/2011 - Tuesday - Day #28.
I’m at work. I get a text from my little sister to grab dinner tonight instead of on Thursday. I say I cant, I have a hiphop class, she should go.
She lols on text and damn guys, just WRITING THIS TO MY LITTLE SISTER made me proud of myself.
Shes like, really where what time?
I hit the link that’s in my google calender, check the site... and its fucking moved. Fuck me. It’s on Saturday at noon, wtf, horrible spot.
I curse FML and secretely am happy I dont have to do it but am cursing myself and everything ever anyway. Fuck. I let her know and am like fuckk and say alright lets hit dinner, do this movie tonight.
Work is good, chill day, still training up the intern. Whateva whateva.
Decide its time to get SURIUS about bball, going to join the YMCA in my city Downtown to play with the big dogs (literally, the 6’4’’ to 6’10’’ dogs) more regularly, get my shit together.
So I head over at 430pm to sign up, fuck me its 2x what I thought it would cost, fuck. I manage to get a 3 day pass for free, cool, I’m just wearing civilian clothes, show up to the court with jeans and a sweater on and practice until 6pm. My little sis drops by and we head out.
I change into a different shirt? maybe and we head to a pho restaurant for dinner. We chat about life, her relationships, her moving to school, school, girls guys, sex drugs, movies. My little sister is much much lower energy than my twin, very very chill, but is also fucking hilarious, she has this really funny side to her. I wish she was unstiffled more, I keep telling her she should be doing standup or be on SNL or some shit (she loves SNL).
We head to my pad and I’m like, fuuuuuuck it I’m crashing here, lets throw on some shit, imma smoke some dro. She “has to drive” and doesnt bond with me via illegal substance abuse. Thats cool.
We netflix some standup, youtube some SNL, chillin at my apt kicking it.
I’m fucking exhausted for whatever reason that day but it is what it is, no excuses.
That’s literally about it, ate a bunch, work, bball, dinner and socializing with my sista, and crashing.
Lessons:
- I didnt learn much this day, which I think is a lesson. It’s pretty obvious why not: I didn’t go out and push it much. Even thought I was on purpose, was getting my social in, took some internal risks showing at the court in my work clothes and hustling like a fucking moron, I still didnt feel like this was enough.
- Sometimes socializing is good, it’s enough for me to feel like “Today is done”. Othertimes its not enough. I think the difference is whether it feels like I’m putting effort in or not. I think that the whole “energizing yourself” definition of introversion vs extroversion (aka do you get energy/emotions/recharged from hanging ALONE or with people) plays a bit to this. Even though I was with my little sis I felt “introverted” like I was getting energy from myself, from chilling. This isn’t good or bad, I just feel like the norm for my 30 day challenge thus far has been to get energy and positive vibes FROM the moment and AFTER THE FACT as I write this shit down. I’m not getting like super pumped up reviewing my Tuesday.
- I don’t let this shit get me down. It’s friday when I’m writing this and I feel goood.
Positives:
- My determination to play bball is huge, to get better, to WIN. Getting in the gym on the court with nothing but the skin on my back is very good. Had a SHIT practice, missing a lot of shots, BUT IT WAS VERY GOOD, I felt good after.
- Realistically, I was talking to my coworkers / intern for the whole day, went out to play bball after work, and then went out to dinner, finishing at 8pm. Looking back to this challenge, I realize that in the early days, I think the feeling of “accomplishment” for me wasnt even that I was asking people what time it is, or approaching chicks, it was actually just BEING OUT AND ABOUT. I think this is why just hitting up a cafe after work that one day, like day 18 or something, that was huge for me. So honestly, just writing this out, I really do feel good on this day. Even though in some ways when I just wrote I didnt feel like this was enough, sure that’s true, but it’s also true that I was OUT AND ABOUT until 8pm, even with low energy. I wasnt pimp of the universe, but I was out there living my life, and PUTTING MYSELF IN SITUATIONS that will enrich my life (through meeting others).
- All the rest of my relationships are dialed, they are good. Feeling good really consistently.
- Happy
I’m at work. I get a text from my little sister to grab dinner tonight instead of on Thursday. I say I cant, I have a hiphop class, she should go.
She lols on text and damn guys, just WRITING THIS TO MY LITTLE SISTER made me proud of myself.
Shes like, really where what time?
I hit the link that’s in my google calender, check the site... and its fucking moved. Fuck me. It’s on Saturday at noon, wtf, horrible spot.
I curse FML and secretely am happy I dont have to do it but am cursing myself and everything ever anyway. Fuck. I let her know and am like fuckk and say alright lets hit dinner, do this movie tonight.
Work is good, chill day, still training up the intern. Whateva whateva.
Decide its time to get SURIUS about bball, going to join the YMCA in my city Downtown to play with the big dogs (literally, the 6’4’’ to 6’10’’ dogs) more regularly, get my shit together.
So I head over at 430pm to sign up, fuck me its 2x what I thought it would cost, fuck. I manage to get a 3 day pass for free, cool, I’m just wearing civilian clothes, show up to the court with jeans and a sweater on and practice until 6pm. My little sis drops by and we head out.
I change into a different shirt? maybe and we head to a pho restaurant for dinner. We chat about life, her relationships, her moving to school, school, girls guys, sex drugs, movies. My little sister is much much lower energy than my twin, very very chill, but is also fucking hilarious, she has this really funny side to her. I wish she was unstiffled more, I keep telling her she should be doing standup or be on SNL or some shit (she loves SNL).
We head to my pad and I’m like, fuuuuuuck it I’m crashing here, lets throw on some shit, imma smoke some dro. She “has to drive” and doesnt bond with me via illegal substance abuse. Thats cool.
We netflix some standup, youtube some SNL, chillin at my apt kicking it.
I’m fucking exhausted for whatever reason that day but it is what it is, no excuses.
That’s literally about it, ate a bunch, work, bball, dinner and socializing with my sista, and crashing.
Lessons:
- I didnt learn much this day, which I think is a lesson. It’s pretty obvious why not: I didn’t go out and push it much. Even thought I was on purpose, was getting my social in, took some internal risks showing at the court in my work clothes and hustling like a fucking moron, I still didnt feel like this was enough.
- Sometimes socializing is good, it’s enough for me to feel like “Today is done”. Othertimes its not enough. I think the difference is whether it feels like I’m putting effort in or not. I think that the whole “energizing yourself” definition of introversion vs extroversion (aka do you get energy/emotions/recharged from hanging ALONE or with people) plays a bit to this. Even though I was with my little sis I felt “introverted” like I was getting energy from myself, from chilling. This isn’t good or bad, I just feel like the norm for my 30 day challenge thus far has been to get energy and positive vibes FROM the moment and AFTER THE FACT as I write this shit down. I’m not getting like super pumped up reviewing my Tuesday.
- I don’t let this shit get me down. It’s friday when I’m writing this and I feel goood.
Positives:
- My determination to play bball is huge, to get better, to WIN. Getting in the gym on the court with nothing but the skin on my back is very good. Had a SHIT practice, missing a lot of shots, BUT IT WAS VERY GOOD, I felt good after.
- Realistically, I was talking to my coworkers / intern for the whole day, went out to play bball after work, and then went out to dinner, finishing at 8pm. Looking back to this challenge, I realize that in the early days, I think the feeling of “accomplishment” for me wasnt even that I was asking people what time it is, or approaching chicks, it was actually just BEING OUT AND ABOUT. I think this is why just hitting up a cafe after work that one day, like day 18 or something, that was huge for me. So honestly, just writing this out, I really do feel good on this day. Even though in some ways when I just wrote I didnt feel like this was enough, sure that’s true, but it’s also true that I was OUT AND ABOUT until 8pm, even with low energy. I wasnt pimp of the universe, but I was out there living my life, and PUTTING MYSELF IN SITUATIONS that will enrich my life (through meeting others).
- All the rest of my relationships are dialed, they are good. Feeling good really consistently.
- Happy
__________________
My Field Reports: Cat 3.0 -- "And Then There Was Bootcamp. And It Was Good"
1/12/2011 - Wednesday - Day #29.
This day was so retarded I’m actually laughing right now writing up this first sentence.
I did not do SHIT in terms of my “30 day challenge” but I did so much good shit, it was an amazing day in a lot of ways.
I woke up, since it had snowed the night before and was fucked, I call my biz partner, say I’m working remotely, and get BLAZED.
I am stoned in my livingroom at 845am.
By 1030am I have brainstormed, drafted, and emailed my partner about our next website startup. Major creative spurt of energy; the idea is a big idea, a lot of money making idea. Creating marketplaces = good.
I smoke more dro and eat lunch. Yes, what a day. I take supplements and eat more. I make an espresso. I take a 4 hour nap. I wake up at 6. I eat more, drink tea, and sit and think about things.
I watch NBA games, read, think about things.
Then I draft ANOTHER startup idea.
This is an intention I’ve been pondering for the last 2 weeks. I know I want to move my online-website-business building skills into SOCIAL ENTREPRENEURSHIP, into creating value for free, for society. I want to be a multiplier of social good, happiness, health, and wellbeing.
I want to do this for myself, and because I know it will grow me as a man.
I realize through my meditations on the topic, just having this intention of moving towards an online business I care a lot about, something I’d be proud of, that for me, that is a big goal, something that would make me grow. And I realize that I want the site to be about ENABLING SOMEONE ELSE TO LEARN.
College fucking changed me, I dont know about you kids who went to huge schools where no one was there to talk about academics with you, but for me, my school was 1200 kids, it was a private liberal arts college, and it was so so so amazing. It was so fucking amazing guys, I challenged myself to grow but my teachers were so right there to help me. I put myself in that environment, forced myself to make appointments with them so I had to know my shit going in to meetings (helped so much with business meetings, jesus), forced myself to take more classes (added responsibility), harder classes (challenge and risk), write more (communication skills). Forced myself to speak in class EVERYDAY (communication skills). To start writing papers two weeks early.
Arbitrary goal for senior year: get a 4.0 for the first time in my life. First semester, 3.9 while taking a senior seminar and writing my thesis. I get invited to an honors program in philosophy, write an honors thesis my second year
I cannot believe how amazing school was for me, college. It was amazing.
So I realize I WANT TO GIVE THAT TO SOMEONE. That’s what I want to inspire. The growth that I had in college. I want to give that to one person.
SO. I realized my social startup idea is simply to figure out how to give ONE student who deserves to go to college the opportunity to go.
This is a huge thing for me. At first I was like, NO FUCK I HAVE TO GET 100 KIDS INTO SCHOOL.
Then I was thinking, holy fuck, seriously? If I could get one kid into school, one kid who wants to go sooooooooooo bad, and do that this year, in 2011, fuck man that would be amazing. I’m only 23. That would be an amazing feat for me to have accomplished.
So that’s what my goal is for this year, my new years resolution. I’m creating a non-profit website whose mission is to get one student who deserves to go to school to actually GO to school, this coming year.
I have no clue how to achieve this step by step but have good ideas, and I created a list of people I know in the tech/biz/social/nonprofit space I can meet and talk to about. All those conversations = actions I can be proud of.
It’s cool. I feel like my path is changing, or the focus is changing. I feel like I’m getting my social life on autopilot, like its getting handled because of the instincts I’m building in myself. I’m on this path, this wide, straight, path, but its like the horizon is changing, not the determination, the strong-will I have, but the .. the long-view destination is changing. It’s pretty amazing.
OKAY, it’s 8pm. I eat more, smoke mo dro, bumping some Das Racist (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsfleEb0ufw). My work is done for the day. 2 startup ideas, very little actual busy work, lots of creative energy spent.
I watch an episode of Dexter, finish up cooking food, cleaning my house up.
Pop 2 xannies (read Xanax kids) that I have left over from my trip at 10pm to make sure I get a full nights sleep. I am grooving to Das Racist in my kitchen dancing, get a call from K.
End up talking for an hour about all sorts of things, a lot of philosophy. She’s at a point in her intellectual development where she’s realizing the totality of her mortality -- she’s actually “understanding” what it means to die, and how finite her life is.
I had this VERY intensely for the last time when I was 13. So I’ve been sort of “enlightened” to that group of ideas for a lot longer than her, and I love it, it really motivates me to live life to the fullest, knowing at any moment I may die, and that life is rich and short. I remember how terrifying it was though, how I was cast into doubt and depression for 6 months.
Then I just decided to convince myself life is good, and rich, and I make that so.
We talk about a lot of things. I like to learn more about how she thinks, what her opinions are. She is clever, and makes good points about complexities, paradoxes, and contradictions of those philosophers she has read or learned about. I feel like, retrospectively, shes sort of qualifying herself w/ the philosophy interest, but really, shes in it for herself, to go through her own thing. I think thats amazing.
I am also stoned and getting hiiiigh on xanny so my side of the conversation oscillates between serious rants, giggles, and just saying nothing, just feeling happy with silence, and having her laugh after a bit.
It’s a good conversation. This girl really impresses me. Shes beautiful. Shes sexual, she loves sex. Shes intelligent. Not only intelligent shes actually read things. She sees art. Makes art. Loves music, sings. She loves all the things in me I work on, and care about. She wrote this text last night: “I find it ironic, convenient, and totally wonderful that a philosophy nerd made his way into my life right when i needed it. not to mention you have a fantastic cock” “And you are handsome, charming and intelligent”.
Fuck me I’m into this chick.
We hang up the phone. I fall asleep, with my phone in my hand, fully clothed, with all the lights on, on top of the sheets of my bed, fucking stoned off Xanax, completely forgetting to set my alarm.
Luckily she texts me at 8am wishing me good luck for my meeting that next morning.
:)
Lessons:
- Man, fuck it. This was a day of progress. At first I wasnt going to count this day since literally I had no social interaction beyond phone conversation. Then I realized, what the fuck, I ROCKED IT on Wednesday, had a day of insane creativity. So fuck it man, I am on the path. This whole shit about being social everyday is amazing, thats what this is about on this thread, but I AM BUILDING MY PALACE. Thats blowing my self esteem UP.
- I feel like I’m getting closer to my path and this is growing my self esteem.
- This is a once in awhile thing. I know that. I do feel like I lost something in not being out and about with people. Definitely this “man-in-cave-thinking-and-creating” mode is best used in intense, short lived bursts.
- Remembering how great it is to find a chick who is amazing (last 3 relationships have been boring/bad).
- Set alarm before ingesting drugs.
Positives:
- Our first startup idea is a multimillion dollar idea we can do quietly and quickly (aka I dont need to be Mark Zuckerberg and will still make a lot of money). Was great to see my partner do 100 immediate “yes”s to my solution to a problem we were having inside our company.
- I got concrete about my intention to create some socially responsible website. I like this as a goal for this year, it feels like a really strong one to me, something that will really give my life a lot of purpose on a day to day level.
- Got my day of boredom and doing nothing done. Realized that with some purpose, I can actually use that environment (cave) to GROW MY SELF ESTEEM. Just cant cast myself away in there. But major positives from that.
- Life is good.
This day was so retarded I’m actually laughing right now writing up this first sentence.
I did not do SHIT in terms of my “30 day challenge” but I did so much good shit, it was an amazing day in a lot of ways.
I woke up, since it had snowed the night before and was fucked, I call my biz partner, say I’m working remotely, and get BLAZED.
I am stoned in my livingroom at 845am.
By 1030am I have brainstormed, drafted, and emailed my partner about our next website startup. Major creative spurt of energy; the idea is a big idea, a lot of money making idea. Creating marketplaces = good.
I smoke more dro and eat lunch. Yes, what a day. I take supplements and eat more. I make an espresso. I take a 4 hour nap. I wake up at 6. I eat more, drink tea, and sit and think about things.
I watch NBA games, read, think about things.
Then I draft ANOTHER startup idea.
This is an intention I’ve been pondering for the last 2 weeks. I know I want to move my online-website-business building skills into SOCIAL ENTREPRENEURSHIP, into creating value for free, for society. I want to be a multiplier of social good, happiness, health, and wellbeing.
I want to do this for myself, and because I know it will grow me as a man.
I realize through my meditations on the topic, just having this intention of moving towards an online business I care a lot about, something I’d be proud of, that for me, that is a big goal, something that would make me grow. And I realize that I want the site to be about ENABLING SOMEONE ELSE TO LEARN.
College fucking changed me, I dont know about you kids who went to huge schools where no one was there to talk about academics with you, but for me, my school was 1200 kids, it was a private liberal arts college, and it was so so so amazing. It was so fucking amazing guys, I challenged myself to grow but my teachers were so right there to help me. I put myself in that environment, forced myself to make appointments with them so I had to know my shit going in to meetings (helped so much with business meetings, jesus), forced myself to take more classes (added responsibility), harder classes (challenge and risk), write more (communication skills). Forced myself to speak in class EVERYDAY (communication skills). To start writing papers two weeks early.
Arbitrary goal for senior year: get a 4.0 for the first time in my life. First semester, 3.9 while taking a senior seminar and writing my thesis. I get invited to an honors program in philosophy, write an honors thesis my second year
I cannot believe how amazing school was for me, college. It was amazing.
So I realize I WANT TO GIVE THAT TO SOMEONE. That’s what I want to inspire. The growth that I had in college. I want to give that to one person.
SO. I realized my social startup idea is simply to figure out how to give ONE student who deserves to go to college the opportunity to go.
This is a huge thing for me. At first I was like, NO FUCK I HAVE TO GET 100 KIDS INTO SCHOOL.
Then I was thinking, holy fuck, seriously? If I could get one kid into school, one kid who wants to go sooooooooooo bad, and do that this year, in 2011, fuck man that would be amazing. I’m only 23. That would be an amazing feat for me to have accomplished.
So that’s what my goal is for this year, my new years resolution. I’m creating a non-profit website whose mission is to get one student who deserves to go to school to actually GO to school, this coming year.
I have no clue how to achieve this step by step but have good ideas, and I created a list of people I know in the tech/biz/social/nonprofit space I can meet and talk to about. All those conversations = actions I can be proud of.
It’s cool. I feel like my path is changing, or the focus is changing. I feel like I’m getting my social life on autopilot, like its getting handled because of the instincts I’m building in myself. I’m on this path, this wide, straight, path, but its like the horizon is changing, not the determination, the strong-will I have, but the .. the long-view destination is changing. It’s pretty amazing.
OKAY, it’s 8pm. I eat more, smoke mo dro, bumping some Das Racist (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsfleEb0ufw). My work is done for the day. 2 startup ideas, very little actual busy work, lots of creative energy spent.
I watch an episode of Dexter, finish up cooking food, cleaning my house up.
Pop 2 xannies (read Xanax kids) that I have left over from my trip at 10pm to make sure I get a full nights sleep. I am grooving to Das Racist in my kitchen dancing, get a call from K.
End up talking for an hour about all sorts of things, a lot of philosophy. She’s at a point in her intellectual development where she’s realizing the totality of her mortality -- she’s actually “understanding” what it means to die, and how finite her life is.
I had this VERY intensely for the last time when I was 13. So I’ve been sort of “enlightened” to that group of ideas for a lot longer than her, and I love it, it really motivates me to live life to the fullest, knowing at any moment I may die, and that life is rich and short. I remember how terrifying it was though, how I was cast into doubt and depression for 6 months.
Then I just decided to convince myself life is good, and rich, and I make that so.
We talk about a lot of things. I like to learn more about how she thinks, what her opinions are. She is clever, and makes good points about complexities, paradoxes, and contradictions of those philosophers she has read or learned about. I feel like, retrospectively, shes sort of qualifying herself w/ the philosophy interest, but really, shes in it for herself, to go through her own thing. I think thats amazing.
I am also stoned and getting hiiiigh on xanny so my side of the conversation oscillates between serious rants, giggles, and just saying nothing, just feeling happy with silence, and having her laugh after a bit.
It’s a good conversation. This girl really impresses me. Shes beautiful. Shes sexual, she loves sex. Shes intelligent. Not only intelligent shes actually read things. She sees art. Makes art. Loves music, sings. She loves all the things in me I work on, and care about. She wrote this text last night: “I find it ironic, convenient, and totally wonderful that a philosophy nerd made his way into my life right when i needed it. not to mention you have a fantastic cock” “And you are handsome, charming and intelligent”.
Fuck me I’m into this chick.
We hang up the phone. I fall asleep, with my phone in my hand, fully clothed, with all the lights on, on top of the sheets of my bed, fucking stoned off Xanax, completely forgetting to set my alarm.
Luckily she texts me at 8am wishing me good luck for my meeting that next morning.
:)
Lessons:
- Man, fuck it. This was a day of progress. At first I wasnt going to count this day since literally I had no social interaction beyond phone conversation. Then I realized, what the fuck, I ROCKED IT on Wednesday, had a day of insane creativity. So fuck it man, I am on the path. This whole shit about being social everyday is amazing, thats what this is about on this thread, but I AM BUILDING MY PALACE. Thats blowing my self esteem UP.
- I feel like I’m getting closer to my path and this is growing my self esteem.
- This is a once in awhile thing. I know that. I do feel like I lost something in not being out and about with people. Definitely this “man-in-cave-thinking-and-creating” mode is best used in intense, short lived bursts.
- Remembering how great it is to find a chick who is amazing (last 3 relationships have been boring/bad).
- Set alarm before ingesting drugs.
Positives:
- Our first startup idea is a multimillion dollar idea we can do quietly and quickly (aka I dont need to be Mark Zuckerberg and will still make a lot of money). Was great to see my partner do 100 immediate “yes”s to my solution to a problem we were having inside our company.
- I got concrete about my intention to create some socially responsible website. I like this as a goal for this year, it feels like a really strong one to me, something that will really give my life a lot of purpose on a day to day level.
- Got my day of boredom and doing nothing done. Realized that with some purpose, I can actually use that environment (cave) to GROW MY SELF ESTEEM. Just cant cast myself away in there. But major positives from that.
- Life is good.
__________________
My Field Reports: Cat 3.0 -- "And Then There Was Bootcamp. And It Was Good"
1/13/2011 - Thursday - Day #30.
Meeting at 10am.
Crushed. Fucking DESTROYED. We’ve grown revenues 155% this month, so yeah, hard to fuck that meeting up. Since its an early meeting we also have another director from our investment group there who gets to sit in on the magic. Again, when the lines go straight up, hard to argue.
I did manage to get some flack for my partner being on jury duty, as I’m the leader of this company, and all issues are my responsibility. I inform my partner and let him know we need to prioritize stupid tasks to show these fools we’re “moving along with projects” even while he’s gone; dumb in some ways, but they are projects worth doing, really it’s how we’re presenting our progress to our board that I need to change.
Meeting destroyed. Hit lunch with the work fam. My partner and I discuss the new startup idea. We decide to prioritize it highly and reach out to another developer to move pace, giving up some equity to get the ball rolling. I’m very excited about this project dudes.
We are all kicking it at the office until 430, I head out to go play bball at the YMCA.
I stay till 730. I play 3 1v1 games with this kid, Richie, probably my age, 3 inches shorter, has a MEAN LEFT SHOULDER in my solarplexis. All 3 games to seven are win by two, he wins first, I win second, he wins third.
Highlights, all of which I’m underemphasizing because these arent pickup highlights, but are baller (heh) none the less: 4 lefty layups, 1 of which was a double pump, booya, 1 lefty jumper which I sank, a tre, a bunch of reverse layups, and some 12-15 foot jumpers. Was really fun to play against a guy to practice instead of shooting alone; this is why I’m joining the Y, because for me I want that experience, want to take it up a level.
Turns out the major pickup games on Mon, Wed, Fridays. I still get a great workout in and have a blast. Richie this kid and I have good rapport, will def hoop with him again.
Head to mi casa and get some foods in me. Make a tea slowly. Shower, read, eat, drink.
Kicking it at my pad, I watch another episode of dexter, it’s chill. I smoke some dro and end up texting K back and forth for a bit, again talking philosophy with randomness mixed in.
I text her this: “If you had a fishbowl in front of you with fish in it right now, how many fish would be in the bowl?”
K: “3”
Cat: “Are they the same size?”
K “Size and shape are not important, it’s the demeanor that matters”
Cat: “Like whos the chatty one, who is emotional and quiet, whos the sadist”
Cat: “Yes, I’d like to purchase that sadistic-looking fish there, yeah perfect”
K: “Just ask for one thats a good listener--i have a lot on my mind these days”
Cat: “But theres three fish. It would be a monastery. Balance. Three parts that compliment each other like black and white and my cock”
K: “hahahhahaha”
I like making it fun, asking random questions, making it creative.
I spend 30 minutes hooking up my Saturday plans w/ C, my hot lebsian friend, and invite this kid S and his friend who I’ve met recently, should be cool, felt natural, cool way to offer value to these kids and also make new friends, bring people together; I’m excited for C’s bday on Saturday, on ze list.
Text K and say “I want to see your face tomorrow, when are you off work”
She writes back “Sounds good I want to see you too”.
Solid, there are my plans for Friday set as well, and I already have a tea/drink date w/ that highschool friend JLY set.
Feeling good, I chill this day out again and head to bed early, around midnight. Feels good.
Lessons:
- Not crazy enough to be my actual last Day 30 entry, but a great day.
- Being on the path isn’t singular. If you are only improving in one aspect of your life, you are not living a balanced life. Remember: black white and my cock, there needs to be alignment.
- Feels good to push myself in something ELSE besides pickup and feel like I’m growing that, so know that I can push that and grow that and it’s about me.
- Dont give up on this social shit. I need to be chilling out of my house more, even though I only had 4 hrs at home, still felt like toooooo long.
- Being creative is really rewarding to me.
Positives:
- Really felt my ball game improve, could FEEL the progress, my new confidence, really learning how to love the game competitively, not make it about beating HIM but about BEING A WINNER. I want to be someone who is willing to take the game winning shot. I grew that today.
- Feeling more and more on purpose w/ work (which has been lacking).
- Seeing all the effort I put in work effortlessly for me via creating social connections. I need to keep this up, esp as I transition into a new mode of relationship-ing with K.
- Effortlessly chatting with everyone I’m seeing, saying Hi. I guess I’m not writing that shit down as much since I’m not noticing it, but like today (friday, while writing this) I did it in the line at lunch, and I wouldn’t remember tomorrow because it’s not a big deal, its not .. anything noticible. It’s good to keep it in mind, to KNOW what the beginner steps are, to affirm that. But I’m not feeling any stress, or mental.. anything about that shit anymore. There’s very little if any gap between having the desire to SPEAK and SPEAKING. I guess that’s called being intentional.
- I’m fucking happy guys. I’ve reached my 30 days but wont stop until I get enough, gonna wrap up my “religiousness” of writing FRs everyday after this saturday, but want to keep on writing. I think as I see my focuses in life change I’ll be reflecting that here, hopefully thats cool with you guys who do read along (if not, oh well, heh, thats how its happening). Will be posting more about creating events, building my social circle, new girls, new contacts, new numbers, new approaches, basketball, work, all of that. So stay tuned ya’ll, this has been an amazing journey for me so far.
- I wrote my first post on this thread on December 3rd. I’d been on my solo approach mission since Nov 30th. This report, my official “Day 30” is on Jan 14th. I’ve been out, socializing, meeting people, making new experiences, for 45 days total. Everyday for 45 days, growing on my path.
I am so fucking proud of myself.
Trust.
Time to get more.
Meeting at 10am.
Crushed. Fucking DESTROYED. We’ve grown revenues 155% this month, so yeah, hard to fuck that meeting up. Since its an early meeting we also have another director from our investment group there who gets to sit in on the magic. Again, when the lines go straight up, hard to argue.
I did manage to get some flack for my partner being on jury duty, as I’m the leader of this company, and all issues are my responsibility. I inform my partner and let him know we need to prioritize stupid tasks to show these fools we’re “moving along with projects” even while he’s gone; dumb in some ways, but they are projects worth doing, really it’s how we’re presenting our progress to our board that I need to change.
Meeting destroyed. Hit lunch with the work fam. My partner and I discuss the new startup idea. We decide to prioritize it highly and reach out to another developer to move pace, giving up some equity to get the ball rolling. I’m very excited about this project dudes.
We are all kicking it at the office until 430, I head out to go play bball at the YMCA.
I stay till 730. I play 3 1v1 games with this kid, Richie, probably my age, 3 inches shorter, has a MEAN LEFT SHOULDER in my solarplexis. All 3 games to seven are win by two, he wins first, I win second, he wins third.
Highlights, all of which I’m underemphasizing because these arent pickup highlights, but are baller (heh) none the less: 4 lefty layups, 1 of which was a double pump, booya, 1 lefty jumper which I sank, a tre, a bunch of reverse layups, and some 12-15 foot jumpers. Was really fun to play against a guy to practice instead of shooting alone; this is why I’m joining the Y, because for me I want that experience, want to take it up a level.
Turns out the major pickup games on Mon, Wed, Fridays. I still get a great workout in and have a blast. Richie this kid and I have good rapport, will def hoop with him again.
Head to mi casa and get some foods in me. Make a tea slowly. Shower, read, eat, drink.
Kicking it at my pad, I watch another episode of dexter, it’s chill. I smoke some dro and end up texting K back and forth for a bit, again talking philosophy with randomness mixed in.
I text her this: “If you had a fishbowl in front of you with fish in it right now, how many fish would be in the bowl?”
K: “3”
Cat: “Are they the same size?”
K “Size and shape are not important, it’s the demeanor that matters”
Cat: “Like whos the chatty one, who is emotional and quiet, whos the sadist”
Cat: “Yes, I’d like to purchase that sadistic-looking fish there, yeah perfect”
K: “Just ask for one thats a good listener--i have a lot on my mind these days”
Cat: “But theres three fish. It would be a monastery. Balance. Three parts that compliment each other like black and white and my cock”
K: “hahahhahaha”
I like making it fun, asking random questions, making it creative.
I spend 30 minutes hooking up my Saturday plans w/ C, my hot lebsian friend, and invite this kid S and his friend who I’ve met recently, should be cool, felt natural, cool way to offer value to these kids and also make new friends, bring people together; I’m excited for C’s bday on Saturday, on ze list.
Text K and say “I want to see your face tomorrow, when are you off work”
She writes back “Sounds good I want to see you too”.
Solid, there are my plans for Friday set as well, and I already have a tea/drink date w/ that highschool friend JLY set.
Feeling good, I chill this day out again and head to bed early, around midnight. Feels good.
Lessons:
- Not crazy enough to be my actual last Day 30 entry, but a great day.
- Being on the path isn’t singular. If you are only improving in one aspect of your life, you are not living a balanced life. Remember: black white and my cock, there needs to be alignment.
- Feels good to push myself in something ELSE besides pickup and feel like I’m growing that, so know that I can push that and grow that and it’s about me.
- Dont give up on this social shit. I need to be chilling out of my house more, even though I only had 4 hrs at home, still felt like toooooo long.
- Being creative is really rewarding to me.
Positives:
- Really felt my ball game improve, could FEEL the progress, my new confidence, really learning how to love the game competitively, not make it about beating HIM but about BEING A WINNER. I want to be someone who is willing to take the game winning shot. I grew that today.
- Feeling more and more on purpose w/ work (which has been lacking).
- Seeing all the effort I put in work effortlessly for me via creating social connections. I need to keep this up, esp as I transition into a new mode of relationship-ing with K.
- Effortlessly chatting with everyone I’m seeing, saying Hi. I guess I’m not writing that shit down as much since I’m not noticing it, but like today (friday, while writing this) I did it in the line at lunch, and I wouldn’t remember tomorrow because it’s not a big deal, its not .. anything noticible. It’s good to keep it in mind, to KNOW what the beginner steps are, to affirm that. But I’m not feeling any stress, or mental.. anything about that shit anymore. There’s very little if any gap between having the desire to SPEAK and SPEAKING. I guess that’s called being intentional.
- I’m fucking happy guys. I’ve reached my 30 days but wont stop until I get enough, gonna wrap up my “religiousness” of writing FRs everyday after this saturday, but want to keep on writing. I think as I see my focuses in life change I’ll be reflecting that here, hopefully thats cool with you guys who do read along (if not, oh well, heh, thats how its happening). Will be posting more about creating events, building my social circle, new girls, new contacts, new numbers, new approaches, basketball, work, all of that. So stay tuned ya’ll, this has been an amazing journey for me so far.
- I wrote my first post on this thread on December 3rd. I’d been on my solo approach mission since Nov 30th. This report, my official “Day 30” is on Jan 14th. I’ve been out, socializing, meeting people, making new experiences, for 45 days total. Everyday for 45 days, growing on my path.
I am so fucking proud of myself.
Trust.
Time to get more.
__________________
My Field Reports: Cat 3.0 -- "And Then There Was Bootcamp. And It Was Good"
Cat please don't take this the wrong way but your posts are too fucking good. Like, I can't read them. I start to hate myself for not being as awesome as you. I'll read like 2/3's and be like, "Shit, he's still more awesome than me" then I go out determined to be as awesome as you one day. You balance work, going solo, juggling chicks, newbie hurdles, focus and consistency.... I'll get there, I'm already making progress, but you don't know how badass this journal is. You have to keep it going all the way until you're chillin in the Pimp Circle of Power
Haha thanks Synergist I <3 reading your shit too man, ANYONE WHO IS CONSISTENT IS A KING in my book. It's not IF, it's simply WHEN.We shall see a shift in ze game too, in and out of relationships, all that.. but yeah man, I really really really appreciate the kind words.
And about being more awesome than whoever, man fuck that, you are awesome! It sounds retarded but like "BELIEVE IN YOURSELF" aka TRUST.
Keep getting it, I'm tuned in on your shit man (and would love to read more detail if you can muster it). Peace
EDIT:
TODAY IS DAY 31.
My evening plans before K just canceled on me. TIME TO GET SOME SHIT TOGETHERRRR
__________________
My Field Reports: Cat 3.0 -- "And Then There Was Bootcamp. And It Was Good"
1/14/2011 - Friday - Day #31.
K so work day is good, we are working heavily on the new startup, going over plans to further automate our current business (which is owning, but no longer takes much time.. good problem).
Some shit happens during the day. I forget specific details, I believe I talked to some chick at lunch for a minute, just vibing the scene. We grab food w/ my partner’s friend, its chill.
OK, work day ends, I’m in a flirty mood, not sure whats up but I want to blow off some vibe, so I head up to our receptionists and chat her for 50 minutes. Shes in love with me, even though she is in love with her boyfriend. I create more excitement, desire, sexuality with her in that moment. I comment on how one of the assistants is FINE, shes 30s married, I KNOW the receptionist chick tells her because of the looks I’m getting. As we’ve vibing receptionist blows up, the 30s something pops out thinking receptionist is laughing at herself, very loudly. I just eye contact the 30s something and like, damn, she becomes a 15 year old little girl, so bashful, wanting to be taken.
Damn that was great ya’ll, love my “powers” to communicate on a sexual, man to woman level without saying shit. Not what you say, its who you are and how you are expressed outwardly.
K I’m out of that joint at like 6pm, head home and ask the time on the way home, heh. On the bus ride home I’m texting EREBODY in my phone to meet up before I kick it w/ K at 11/12ish. DUURRRR NO BODY PICK UP. My plans I made on .. what tuesday?.. had flaked on me, JLY, shes flaky, good to know.
Im at home kicking it fuck all vibing with myself BY LAUGHING OUT LOUD AT NOTHING BECAUSE I FEEL GOOD.
I am doing that shit soo much more, I remember when I forced myself to sing to myself while headed out to that art walk on Day 4. Shit is on autopilot, I am a crazy person with highly calibrated social skills.
Bonobo times I’m still chillin, get word from my boy they are planning to chill at his house, smoke dro, play videogames on a projector, and drink. THAT IS THE OLD ME.
BUT, since I’ve got nothing else going on, and I want to be doing SOMETHANG I say yeahh lets do it up yo.
That shit falls through, luckily. They cant get a projector or something. I say fuck thats LETS GO DRINK AT A BAR LIKE PICK UP ARTISTS, wtf hah.
Yay, I get my boy to head over at 910pm we slam a PBR tallboy and head the fuck out to ze bar, play 3 games of pool (cutthroat) with my other friend. It’s mad chill. I’m LOUDLY TELLING MY RECENT FOIBLES about that highschool chick, K, and Vietnam.
It’s glorious, we are all having a blast mang, just the 3 of us boys shooting the shit, drinking beers and laughing our assess off. DAMN I LIKE IT. Known these cats for 10+ years, they are my close friends, even though I’ve really “grown” past them, if that makes sense -- I am super into personal development, and now I’m really in this new playing field. YET I LOVE THESE KIDS THEY ARE MY BROTHERS.
It was awesome, because I didnt CREATE that distance, which I have in the past. Sometimes you have to let go of PEOPLE WHEN YOU EVOLVE. Well, yes. But man, I can keep these kids, they are my boys, just keep them in a different way.
We head to bar #2 and order our 3rd round (I’m at 5 pints at this point and I’m a very lean 175/185 @ 6’ = feeling good). By this point I’ve told K to meet us up there.
We are outside the bar kicking it on the picnick table being LOUD AS SHIT ABOUT RETARDED BULLSHIT. Talking about MIDGET HORSE PORN. Not pony porn, no, midget horses, with like gigantic arms and big foreheads, fucking like a midget.. but a horse.
I am so creative.
K shows up, I see her down the street approaching, I’m smiling, shes got a damn beautiful smile and already I’m all over it. I stand up and intro my boys who are totally fucking chode sweethearts when it comes to meeting new people, totally like “Oh.. hi! I’m B..” all fucking sweet about it like they are 13 year old girls.
I find it endearing, thats my frame. In my mind at this point heres what’s going on:
Pole A: My friends suck at social game, K is so hot, shes surrounded by alpha males, models.
Pole B: My friends are GOOD FUCKING PEOPLE. I bring them up, bring up the vide, and everyone catches that. K can see the good in anyone and will love them no matter how nerdy and lame they appear.
I PICK POLE B, FUCK THAT OTHER SHIT.
I bring her into MY REALITY. And I CHOOSE MY REALITY TO BE OF LOVING MY HOMIES EVEN IF THEY ARE SOCIALLY AWKWARD. They my boys.
We all have such a blast.
K: “I love your friends they are so adorable”.
Haha. Yes girl.
I walk K and I into bar #2, to the bar. I order two beers that are 10% ABV, and then say “She’s got this one, she’s my sugga momma for the night”. Insert shit eating grin here. She hits me and laughs and pays for the drinks.
We head back out to the table, we are all fucking around, it is SO fun, just my boys and I shooting the shit, K watching getting to see me enjoy my old good friends, she’ll interject every once in awhile with a cute story, adorable girl.
Shes sooo not a PDA chick when we are together with other friends, as I’ve known since makeout one, and tonight is no different. I tell her that her pussy is mine into her neck, that she smells good and that her pussy is mine (again). Laugh.
We bounce to bar #3, a chilled out little hole in the wall. The boys are outside, I order K and I a shot of whiskey. This is drink #7, yes, drunk now. On the walk over she sarcastically says “Am I going to pay for this one too??” haha, I cant recall if I laughed, ignored it, threaded, whatever, hard to recall normal, non-meta conversation (aka I’m not thinking about the pick up, I’m doing it). Funny.
Drain some Jack, head outside to vibe, I unknowingly/naturally isolate K from my two friends, we’re chatting face to face, shes got a beer in hand and has gotten me a water (awww girl).
Drinks finished, we part paths.
On the walk home I stop her a block from my house and have my hands down her pants, up in her pussy, kissing her, the two of us alone surrounded by tall trees, a city light shining down on us, everything is still and quiet and we are hot and she is wet.
AMAZING SEX.
Lovely pillow talk. I tell her about my resolution to get a kid into school in 2011. She listens intently. She falls in love with me even more for this, for having so much passion and purpose. We fall asleep together, I sleep horribly, but I get to look at her sleeping, and jesus, jesus guys she is so beautiful.
Lessons:
- VALUE IS WHAT I MAKE IT. I MAKE YOU A PIMP. I make you lovely. I make you beautiful. I make you a hater, a killer, a lover. WHAT I SEE YOU AS IS WHAT YOU ARE. I saw my friends as wonderful guys, guys who are great, who are there for me and who I’m there for, all of this is so true, and thats what it was.
- I AM A LEADER. I lead the value, who looks at who, the smiles. I lead the conversation by letting it be led by someone else, by laughing, by blowing it up, by taking it over. I lead by taking her.
- Be fun.
Positives:
- Happiness.
So much happiness.
K so work day is good, we are working heavily on the new startup, going over plans to further automate our current business (which is owning, but no longer takes much time.. good problem).
Some shit happens during the day. I forget specific details, I believe I talked to some chick at lunch for a minute, just vibing the scene. We grab food w/ my partner’s friend, its chill.
OK, work day ends, I’m in a flirty mood, not sure whats up but I want to blow off some vibe, so I head up to our receptionists and chat her for 50 minutes. Shes in love with me, even though she is in love with her boyfriend. I create more excitement, desire, sexuality with her in that moment. I comment on how one of the assistants is FINE, shes 30s married, I KNOW the receptionist chick tells her because of the looks I’m getting. As we’ve vibing receptionist blows up, the 30s something pops out thinking receptionist is laughing at herself, very loudly. I just eye contact the 30s something and like, damn, she becomes a 15 year old little girl, so bashful, wanting to be taken.
Damn that was great ya’ll, love my “powers” to communicate on a sexual, man to woman level without saying shit. Not what you say, its who you are and how you are expressed outwardly.
K I’m out of that joint at like 6pm, head home and ask the time on the way home, heh. On the bus ride home I’m texting EREBODY in my phone to meet up before I kick it w/ K at 11/12ish. DUURRRR NO BODY PICK UP. My plans I made on .. what tuesday?.. had flaked on me, JLY, shes flaky, good to know.
Im at home kicking it fuck all vibing with myself BY LAUGHING OUT LOUD AT NOTHING BECAUSE I FEEL GOOD.
I am doing that shit soo much more, I remember when I forced myself to sing to myself while headed out to that art walk on Day 4. Shit is on autopilot, I am a crazy person with highly calibrated social skills.
Bonobo times I’m still chillin, get word from my boy they are planning to chill at his house, smoke dro, play videogames on a projector, and drink. THAT IS THE OLD ME.
BUT, since I’ve got nothing else going on, and I want to be doing SOMETHANG I say yeahh lets do it up yo.
That shit falls through, luckily. They cant get a projector or something. I say fuck thats LETS GO DRINK AT A BAR LIKE PICK UP ARTISTS, wtf hah.
Yay, I get my boy to head over at 910pm we slam a PBR tallboy and head the fuck out to ze bar, play 3 games of pool (cutthroat) with my other friend. It’s mad chill. I’m LOUDLY TELLING MY RECENT FOIBLES about that highschool chick, K, and Vietnam.
It’s glorious, we are all having a blast mang, just the 3 of us boys shooting the shit, drinking beers and laughing our assess off. DAMN I LIKE IT. Known these cats for 10+ years, they are my close friends, even though I’ve really “grown” past them, if that makes sense -- I am super into personal development, and now I’m really in this new playing field. YET I LOVE THESE KIDS THEY ARE MY BROTHERS.
It was awesome, because I didnt CREATE that distance, which I have in the past. Sometimes you have to let go of PEOPLE WHEN YOU EVOLVE. Well, yes. But man, I can keep these kids, they are my boys, just keep them in a different way.
We head to bar #2 and order our 3rd round (I’m at 5 pints at this point and I’m a very lean 175/185 @ 6’ = feeling good). By this point I’ve told K to meet us up there.
We are outside the bar kicking it on the picnick table being LOUD AS SHIT ABOUT RETARDED BULLSHIT. Talking about MIDGET HORSE PORN. Not pony porn, no, midget horses, with like gigantic arms and big foreheads, fucking like a midget.. but a horse.
I am so creative.
K shows up, I see her down the street approaching, I’m smiling, shes got a damn beautiful smile and already I’m all over it. I stand up and intro my boys who are totally fucking chode sweethearts when it comes to meeting new people, totally like “Oh.. hi! I’m B..” all fucking sweet about it like they are 13 year old girls.
I find it endearing, thats my frame. In my mind at this point heres what’s going on:
Pole A: My friends suck at social game, K is so hot, shes surrounded by alpha males, models.
Pole B: My friends are GOOD FUCKING PEOPLE. I bring them up, bring up the vide, and everyone catches that. K can see the good in anyone and will love them no matter how nerdy and lame they appear.
I PICK POLE B, FUCK THAT OTHER SHIT.
I bring her into MY REALITY. And I CHOOSE MY REALITY TO BE OF LOVING MY HOMIES EVEN IF THEY ARE SOCIALLY AWKWARD. They my boys.
We all have such a blast.
K: “I love your friends they are so adorable”.
Haha. Yes girl.
I walk K and I into bar #2, to the bar. I order two beers that are 10% ABV, and then say “She’s got this one, she’s my sugga momma for the night”. Insert shit eating grin here. She hits me and laughs and pays for the drinks.
We head back out to the table, we are all fucking around, it is SO fun, just my boys and I shooting the shit, K watching getting to see me enjoy my old good friends, she’ll interject every once in awhile with a cute story, adorable girl.
Shes sooo not a PDA chick when we are together with other friends, as I’ve known since makeout one, and tonight is no different. I tell her that her pussy is mine into her neck, that she smells good and that her pussy is mine (again). Laugh.
We bounce to bar #3, a chilled out little hole in the wall. The boys are outside, I order K and I a shot of whiskey. This is drink #7, yes, drunk now. On the walk over she sarcastically says “Am I going to pay for this one too??” haha, I cant recall if I laughed, ignored it, threaded, whatever, hard to recall normal, non-meta conversation (aka I’m not thinking about the pick up, I’m doing it). Funny.
Drain some Jack, head outside to vibe, I unknowingly/naturally isolate K from my two friends, we’re chatting face to face, shes got a beer in hand and has gotten me a water (awww girl).
Drinks finished, we part paths.
On the walk home I stop her a block from my house and have my hands down her pants, up in her pussy, kissing her, the two of us alone surrounded by tall trees, a city light shining down on us, everything is still and quiet and we are hot and she is wet.
AMAZING SEX.
Lovely pillow talk. I tell her about my resolution to get a kid into school in 2011. She listens intently. She falls in love with me even more for this, for having so much passion and purpose. We fall asleep together, I sleep horribly, but I get to look at her sleeping, and jesus, jesus guys she is so beautiful.
Lessons:
- VALUE IS WHAT I MAKE IT. I MAKE YOU A PIMP. I make you lovely. I make you beautiful. I make you a hater, a killer, a lover. WHAT I SEE YOU AS IS WHAT YOU ARE. I saw my friends as wonderful guys, guys who are great, who are there for me and who I’m there for, all of this is so true, and thats what it was.
- I AM A LEADER. I lead the value, who looks at who, the smiles. I lead the conversation by letting it be led by someone else, by laughing, by blowing it up, by taking it over. I lead by taking her.
- Be fun.
Positives:
- Happiness.
So much happiness.
__________________
My Field Reports: Cat 3.0 -- "And Then There Was Bootcamp. And It Was Good"
1/15/2011 - Saturday - Day #32.
I wake up with K’s head resting against my shoulder. She is fuckin gorgeous yo.
We fuck. I’m on my side shes on her back, I tell her to rub her pussy, she comes, I come.
“Goodmorning :)”
She hops in the shower, I throw on some coffee and start cooking up some onions w/ cinnamon and 4 eggs (I’m now eating 6 eggs a day) for breakfast. She compliments me on how good they taste; I like to cook -- it’s all about spices and timing.
I forget the details of the day for the most part, we just spend the morning together, drinking tea, talking, kissing.
She takes off, I do laundry I think, some other shit, I’m hanging out at my house.
Oh yeah I had tea with my mom, she heads over at like 3 we grab tea and go grocery shopping. Woot, gotta love not having to talk my groceries home.
Cool she bounces, I cook up some food, and am chilling at my pad watching NBA and organizing my Saturday.
Plan is my friend C’s bday party at some club/bar, bringing a dude along who I met at the NYC party and then again at the Art Walk last week; he seems chill as fuck, first time us just chilling together, kinda like my first day2 with a dude, haha. Whatever, I’m treating it like its totally chill, hes got some buddy to come with too so that’ll take off any pressure, I can play into their dynamic and control my own easily.
Waiting to hear from him for a long time. Until like 10pm. We supposed to be there at 11pm. Finally get a call back, his friends not going, he’s headed over, he’s got a good chunk of Jim Beam and I’ve got ice & soda = glory.
He shows up and this dude is CHILL and fuck yo, first thing out of his mouth is like yeah my boy cant be here but hes banging right now, been with 6 new girls in the last 4 months or something.
AWWW YEAH FINALLY ANOTHER DUDE WHO WANT TO DO THIS SHIT.
Immediately we are bullshiting girl stuff, talking about pick ups, relationships and shit. He’s got some chick he’s dating, me too, thats chill. He knows the girl who I banged a few weeks previous from our highshool and gives me props cause shes fine as fuck. We kill some Beam and head out at like 12 midnight.
We show up at the club and wtf they want me to pay since I’m not on the “all night list” OH FUCK YOU BITCH. I eye-contact that ho but am pissed and it doesnt work, I pay both our cover since my boy just got me nice and tips at my house.
We find C who is FADEDDDDDDD. Holy hell, shes wasted. I randomly grab her tit, which makes her nipple hard under my hand. Shes got great feeling breasts, firm, yum. (She is lesbian so I’m treating this like I’m a gay guy and shes a straight chick kinda dynamic). Gets a laugh from my friend. By the way this is the second time I’ve hung out with this chick. The first time was also written in this journal. I cold approached this chick at Costco and got her number. Yay cold approach!
She says fuck you you cant grab my tits and grabs my cock. I just look at her and smile. She moves her hand up and down rubbing my cock. We are at the bar, btw, waiting to order 3 shots. My friend, S, is laughing. I’m laughing. She’s wasted and kinda making it sexy, its pretty funny.
If her nipple hadnt gotten hard it wouldn’t have been sexual but it did and I got some rock down there and it made her touching it fantastic. Gotta love physical contact yo; this cock follows a communist ideology, ITS UP FOR GRABS BITCH. I suppose it’s really more meritocratic in nature since I’m not letting an ugly possess my happy rod.
3 shots of Grey Goose later we’re headed in the dance floor area and fuck me there are NO WHITE PEOPLE OR ANYONE ELSE BUT ASIANS IN THIS BITCH.
I’ve got my smile on like it aint no bodys business and dudes, this is the best out-alpha-ing shit ever. EVERY OTHER DUDE AT A CLUB IS TRYING TO BE ALL SERIOUS LIKE JAMES BOND.
They GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY when they see me smiling like “I’m home, yo”. They just move, its hilarious, I part the seas of douchebags and meet C’s friends. They are all asian and fat. Lame.
Whatever I’m out to have a great night so we are just vibing, dancing around, I’m grinding up against fatties with my ass like I’m a male stripper, some try to grind on me and I’m NEXTing them, too much to hold on to, I don’t know where to start.
Some other shit happens, I’m just LAUGHING A LOT and YELLING. Pumping my state yo, getting my boy going up with me, and the whole group. I feel like this is making me the life of the party, thinking back, but really, I’m just doing it for me, cause fuck guys, I just want to have fun in this ridiculous venue; club’s are so .. out of normal life.. its hilarious.
ANYWAY theres this fucking gay guy there who is ALL OVER MY SHIT IN LOVE WITH ME. He intros me to all his fat asian girlfriends and I’m like air-licking them like I’m a lesbian about to get at their pussy and screaming I LOVE YOU WE WENT TO KINDERGARDEN TOGETHER DIDNT WE at all of them, trying to find out who took naked baths with me when I was younger.
This dude EXPLICITLY STATES that my SMILE lets me get away with anything. He somehow knew I had a girl, I guess I told him cause I’m genuine (or to cockblock myself from the onslaught of 250lb+ women). Anyway that dude is hilarious and I get HIS number because he controls all those bitches and obviously goes out. He can tell easily I’m straight as an arrow via my masculine presence, eye contact, all that shit.
Was a big confidence boost honestly, having him so explicitly state that my SMILE is my SNIPER SHOT. Ahhh yeah bitch.
We head back to the bar cause my boy S is buying him and I shots. Theres something approachable in front of us. I approach, blah blah blha she seems like a 7, shes into it though so we’re vibing and having fun. We discuss tricks to get drinks faster and she mentions breasts. I look at hers and she looks at me like what the fuck. I dont know what I do, IGNORE HER?, but I transition out of this easily, with zero bump in the interaction. I wasnt being a dick, I was checking her out, and then I was done doing it and talked.
We swap names and as shes leaving I tell her we’re gonna be friends in real life and I’ll find you later.
Cool we grab two shots of tequila and he grabs a beer. At this point I am toasty.
We head back into the dance club part and I’m screaming like a 19 year old blond on some reality TV show, bahhahaha.
Some shit happens I see that chick from before, Kelsey (whatever, I give up with acronyms), walking by.
Hi, arm around back in to me, her hand on my chest, “Oh hi Cat” “Hi” “Hi” “Hi. :)”
She has to go to the bathroom I let her go, bust my ass up against some asian-lard-buckets like there is no tomorrow. She heads back out and I grab her this time hard and some stuff is said, NO CLUE, eventually I can tell her friend is entering set cause I see this HUGE (we’re talking 6’4’’) eastern european chick with like, a gigantic fucking forehead, soo sooo ugly, brutish, like .. unevolved human.. make eye contact with her as shes approaching on my right.
“Hey! I’m Cat you must be Kelsey’s friend!!”
Her: “Umm....”
Me: *Turn to Kelsey* “Hey I dont think your friend likes me, so Im getting your facebook right now before she drags you away and we never meet again, like in a sad tragedy”.
Load facebook on iphone, she finds herself and adds herself, she checks her phone and his confirm. I hug her and say some stuff, let her go.
Bye bye! Checked her FB, shes def a 6/7 and damn, has no hot friends = no high self esteem = no fast sex = no sexual experience = sad times.
Def screened out that therapist receptionist chick for the same reasons, although shes an 8, with a 9 face. I can tell from text shes inexperienced with flirting, shy, and conservative. Not worth the mindfuck and emotional baggage.
Cool she leaves, I did an approach and it was solid, Im like yay but more like AHHHHHHH HAHHAHAHAHAH CLUB RIDICULOUS BULLSHIT.
S, who is Sam, my friend wants to see me approach (giving me props from earlier) so he walks us over to some other part of the floor. I am a douche and dont approach 3 girls on the dancefloor who are watching me. Gay, whatever.
He bounces to go fuck his girl hes dating, I take off after getting that gay dudes number so I can meet new people / social hub him. Trying to collect people who I know can and will invite 10+ people to any events I host, since this is my new evolution in social dynamics: growing my social circle and organizing events/parties.
Coolio yo, I head home and smoke some dro, do some drunken and stoned hip hop dancing until 4am and crashhh.
Lessons:
- Yell, be physical, to pump my own state.
- That + eye contact dominance = making the party.
- Approach on the dancefloor next time, pussy.
Positives:
- I can tell Sam is going to be a great dude friend. Clearly intelligent but very fucking chill, down to earth, and into talking pick up. Not sure if he’s community, dunno if I want to get into that with him, he smells like it, but whatever. Cool.
- Got some ugly’s facebook, was so easy. Makes me realize how NATURAL my physical escalation is. I dont think about that shit, I just am on their body, its so .. natural in that environment. Bars are no different, although clubs are louder, makes it even easier.
- Had a hilarious and fun night, was a blast.
- I’m loving going out. Really want to save my Friday and Saturday nights for awesome events every weekend, none of this staying in or watching a movie with some friends BS. No, out with random hotties checking out girls and getting checked out, even if I’m with K. That shit will make her so wet, her seeing all the women in the room react to me. Love it.
- So much fun.
I wake up with K’s head resting against my shoulder. She is fuckin gorgeous yo.
We fuck. I’m on my side shes on her back, I tell her to rub her pussy, she comes, I come.
“Goodmorning :)”
She hops in the shower, I throw on some coffee and start cooking up some onions w/ cinnamon and 4 eggs (I’m now eating 6 eggs a day) for breakfast. She compliments me on how good they taste; I like to cook -- it’s all about spices and timing.
I forget the details of the day for the most part, we just spend the morning together, drinking tea, talking, kissing.
She takes off, I do laundry I think, some other shit, I’m hanging out at my house.
Oh yeah I had tea with my mom, she heads over at like 3 we grab tea and go grocery shopping. Woot, gotta love not having to talk my groceries home.
Cool she bounces, I cook up some food, and am chilling at my pad watching NBA and organizing my Saturday.
Plan is my friend C’s bday party at some club/bar, bringing a dude along who I met at the NYC party and then again at the Art Walk last week; he seems chill as fuck, first time us just chilling together, kinda like my first day2 with a dude, haha. Whatever, I’m treating it like its totally chill, hes got some buddy to come with too so that’ll take off any pressure, I can play into their dynamic and control my own easily.
Waiting to hear from him for a long time. Until like 10pm. We supposed to be there at 11pm. Finally get a call back, his friends not going, he’s headed over, he’s got a good chunk of Jim Beam and I’ve got ice & soda = glory.
He shows up and this dude is CHILL and fuck yo, first thing out of his mouth is like yeah my boy cant be here but hes banging right now, been with 6 new girls in the last 4 months or something.
AWWW YEAH FINALLY ANOTHER DUDE WHO WANT TO DO THIS SHIT.
Immediately we are bullshiting girl stuff, talking about pick ups, relationships and shit. He’s got some chick he’s dating, me too, thats chill. He knows the girl who I banged a few weeks previous from our highshool and gives me props cause shes fine as fuck. We kill some Beam and head out at like 12 midnight.
We show up at the club and wtf they want me to pay since I’m not on the “all night list” OH FUCK YOU BITCH. I eye-contact that ho but am pissed and it doesnt work, I pay both our cover since my boy just got me nice and tips at my house.
We find C who is FADEDDDDDDD. Holy hell, shes wasted. I randomly grab her tit, which makes her nipple hard under my hand. Shes got great feeling breasts, firm, yum. (She is lesbian so I’m treating this like I’m a gay guy and shes a straight chick kinda dynamic). Gets a laugh from my friend. By the way this is the second time I’ve hung out with this chick. The first time was also written in this journal. I cold approached this chick at Costco and got her number. Yay cold approach!
She says fuck you you cant grab my tits and grabs my cock. I just look at her and smile. She moves her hand up and down rubbing my cock. We are at the bar, btw, waiting to order 3 shots. My friend, S, is laughing. I’m laughing. She’s wasted and kinda making it sexy, its pretty funny.
If her nipple hadnt gotten hard it wouldn’t have been sexual but it did and I got some rock down there and it made her touching it fantastic. Gotta love physical contact yo; this cock follows a communist ideology, ITS UP FOR GRABS BITCH. I suppose it’s really more meritocratic in nature since I’m not letting an ugly possess my happy rod.
3 shots of Grey Goose later we’re headed in the dance floor area and fuck me there are NO WHITE PEOPLE OR ANYONE ELSE BUT ASIANS IN THIS BITCH.
I’ve got my smile on like it aint no bodys business and dudes, this is the best out-alpha-ing shit ever. EVERY OTHER DUDE AT A CLUB IS TRYING TO BE ALL SERIOUS LIKE JAMES BOND.
They GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY when they see me smiling like “I’m home, yo”. They just move, its hilarious, I part the seas of douchebags and meet C’s friends. They are all asian and fat. Lame.
Whatever I’m out to have a great night so we are just vibing, dancing around, I’m grinding up against fatties with my ass like I’m a male stripper, some try to grind on me and I’m NEXTing them, too much to hold on to, I don’t know where to start.
Some other shit happens, I’m just LAUGHING A LOT and YELLING. Pumping my state yo, getting my boy going up with me, and the whole group. I feel like this is making me the life of the party, thinking back, but really, I’m just doing it for me, cause fuck guys, I just want to have fun in this ridiculous venue; club’s are so .. out of normal life.. its hilarious.
ANYWAY theres this fucking gay guy there who is ALL OVER MY SHIT IN LOVE WITH ME. He intros me to all his fat asian girlfriends and I’m like air-licking them like I’m a lesbian about to get at their pussy and screaming I LOVE YOU WE WENT TO KINDERGARDEN TOGETHER DIDNT WE at all of them, trying to find out who took naked baths with me when I was younger.
This dude EXPLICITLY STATES that my SMILE lets me get away with anything. He somehow knew I had a girl, I guess I told him cause I’m genuine (or to cockblock myself from the onslaught of 250lb+ women). Anyway that dude is hilarious and I get HIS number because he controls all those bitches and obviously goes out. He can tell easily I’m straight as an arrow via my masculine presence, eye contact, all that shit.
Was a big confidence boost honestly, having him so explicitly state that my SMILE is my SNIPER SHOT. Ahhh yeah bitch.
We head back to the bar cause my boy S is buying him and I shots. Theres something approachable in front of us. I approach, blah blah blha she seems like a 7, shes into it though so we’re vibing and having fun. We discuss tricks to get drinks faster and she mentions breasts. I look at hers and she looks at me like what the fuck. I dont know what I do, IGNORE HER?, but I transition out of this easily, with zero bump in the interaction. I wasnt being a dick, I was checking her out, and then I was done doing it and talked.
We swap names and as shes leaving I tell her we’re gonna be friends in real life and I’ll find you later.
Cool we grab two shots of tequila and he grabs a beer. At this point I am toasty.
We head back into the dance club part and I’m screaming like a 19 year old blond on some reality TV show, bahhahaha.
Some shit happens I see that chick from before, Kelsey (whatever, I give up with acronyms), walking by.
Hi, arm around back in to me, her hand on my chest, “Oh hi Cat” “Hi” “Hi” “Hi. :)”
She has to go to the bathroom I let her go, bust my ass up against some asian-lard-buckets like there is no tomorrow. She heads back out and I grab her this time hard and some stuff is said, NO CLUE, eventually I can tell her friend is entering set cause I see this HUGE (we’re talking 6’4’’) eastern european chick with like, a gigantic fucking forehead, soo sooo ugly, brutish, like .. unevolved human.. make eye contact with her as shes approaching on my right.
“Hey! I’m Cat you must be Kelsey’s friend!!”
Her: “Umm....”
Me: *Turn to Kelsey* “Hey I dont think your friend likes me, so Im getting your facebook right now before she drags you away and we never meet again, like in a sad tragedy”.
Load facebook on iphone, she finds herself and adds herself, she checks her phone and his confirm. I hug her and say some stuff, let her go.
Bye bye! Checked her FB, shes def a 6/7 and damn, has no hot friends = no high self esteem = no fast sex = no sexual experience = sad times.
Def screened out that therapist receptionist chick for the same reasons, although shes an 8, with a 9 face. I can tell from text shes inexperienced with flirting, shy, and conservative. Not worth the mindfuck and emotional baggage.
Cool she leaves, I did an approach and it was solid, Im like yay but more like AHHHHHHH HAHHAHAHAHAH CLUB RIDICULOUS BULLSHIT.
S, who is Sam, my friend wants to see me approach (giving me props from earlier) so he walks us over to some other part of the floor. I am a douche and dont approach 3 girls on the dancefloor who are watching me. Gay, whatever.
He bounces to go fuck his girl hes dating, I take off after getting that gay dudes number so I can meet new people / social hub him. Trying to collect people who I know can and will invite 10+ people to any events I host, since this is my new evolution in social dynamics: growing my social circle and organizing events/parties.
Coolio yo, I head home and smoke some dro, do some drunken and stoned hip hop dancing until 4am and crashhh.
Lessons:
- Yell, be physical, to pump my own state.
- That + eye contact dominance = making the party.
- Approach on the dancefloor next time, pussy.
Positives:
- I can tell Sam is going to be a great dude friend. Clearly intelligent but very fucking chill, down to earth, and into talking pick up. Not sure if he’s community, dunno if I want to get into that with him, he smells like it, but whatever. Cool.
- Got some ugly’s facebook, was so easy. Makes me realize how NATURAL my physical escalation is. I dont think about that shit, I just am on their body, its so .. natural in that environment. Bars are no different, although clubs are louder, makes it even easier.
- Had a hilarious and fun night, was a blast.
- I’m loving going out. Really want to save my Friday and Saturday nights for awesome events every weekend, none of this staying in or watching a movie with some friends BS. No, out with random hotties checking out girls and getting checked out, even if I’m with K. That shit will make her so wet, her seeing all the women in the room react to me. Love it.
- So much fun.
__________________
My Field Reports: Cat 3.0 -- "And Then There Was Bootcamp. And It Was Good"
1/16/2011 - Sunday - Day #33.
Wake up at 10am with a text from K saying she’s glad I don’t like football (since shes up, hung over from her night out, clearly not wanting to be awake). Cool, me too, I go back to sleep until 2pm.
I wake up and go grab Dim Sum with my biz partner and 2 of our past interns who are awesome, we all have great rapport. Was EXCELLENT. Couldn’t have imagined a better way to spend an hour and half, just chilling bullshitting with these guys.
I grab some Lee-Mountain Winter-Flush Oolong tea on my way out of China town, yeah I be into the tea scene.
Head out to go shoot hoops at 5, wtf the YMCA I want to join isnt open on Sundays? Okay I go to the weight room and DESTROY IT YET AGAIN.
Holy fuck I love overeating. As long as you eat the right shit (aka protein and fat, low low carb) I’m not seeing much if any fat gain. Adding weight to my lifts every time and actually increased my bench with weights and reps, hahahahhah mauhahaa.
Leg press, bench press, high to low rows, bi curls, forearm curls. I am +3 lbs since last time. Woot.
Go home trim my beard, take a bath, read more of “Born to Run” (turning out to be pretty good, got through another 50 pages last night). Head out to grab K, make it to her friends place I grab her.
Plan is to go see Black Swan together since I’ve heard nothing but great reviews from people I respect (other film dorks like me). We hit the theatre and it begins. HOLY FUCK.
If you haven’t seen it yet, you should. Unless you are a retarded frat boy who has no sense of aesthetics. Even then you might like it, although you’re still a dumbass.
She loved it, I loved it, I loved the small nuance, I talk to her about little details, my favorite shots (damn that repeated shot of her face in the black window of the subway, so haunting). She falls more in love with me because of this.
We head out and we’re both starving, its like 1030pm and shes had breakfast and Ive only had a protein shake post work out and a big thing of water.
We try to find some places, one place just closed, finally I’m like “I know a place we’re going” and lead. Awesome. Take us to this great restaurant/bar that I had done that approach on like.. idk day 10ish? with my sister, asking if they wanted to eat with us. Anyway the place is awesome, we sit at the bar, the barman loves us, we are kissing, clearly enamored.
Theres a figure on the wall and I lead her and I to make up his story. We call him Bernard Wilkins, and we make up his story. He had two wives but leaves the first, even thought its passionate, I ask her why, she says its because its too intense, I say how so, she says that the first wife is too alpha, too dominate. And I look K in the eyes and I say “And so thats why he fell for the second wife, because she was submissive, she wanted to be taken over and over, and he wanted to take her” K looks me right in the eyes, knowing we are talking about each other, that she is the second wife, and she says yes, like “yes i want you to take me over and over”.
Was really cool.
I like how creative I am with her, how creative she is back.
I tell K I really fucking like her, I adore that chick, love spending time with her, and that, regarding us, our relationship, and shit, that I dont want her to get the wrong idea, that I am really all about her right now, and her exclusively. She says yeah shes not seeing or interested in anyone else and that she cares a lot about me too and that as far as the relationship goes and stuff (sorta leading into declaring boyfriend girlfriend) shes not there yet, something like that, that she is worried about that, not because she doesnt like me but because its intense, and its already intense for us.
It was intense to do this, to have that conversation, to be staring at each other the whole time, and then me letting it sit there, letting us both sit and feel that feeling of like, yeah, yeah we really really do like each other, this is amazing, and .. amazingly fast. She giggled a lot and didnt know what to say and I just soaked it up, finally I threaded to something else.
Get to my place, sex, I cum in her while she rides me reverse doggystyle, my favorite, damn I love to watch that pussy.
As we’re lying there in bed she looks at me. Shes never looked at me that way before. Shes not smiling, shes not sad, shes not upset.. she looks really really.. vulnerable, but very strong with it, it was so intense, and she was communicating “I love you” with her eyes.
It was so intense and unexpected for me that I looked away. I looked off and kissed her shoulder.
I say “Ah so you finally gave me that look I always give you huh?”
K: “Yeah, and you looked away.”
Me: “Yeah. Yeah I did. That was really really intense”.
K “It is intense”.
[Note: Before this I do that look to her, although not as intense, damn, heh, and she constantly looks off, saying dont look at me like that, laughing, taken by my intensity of liking her. I had said maybe someday she’ll look at me that way, she said ‘yeah and make you look off’ and i respond ‘yeah right’. Well she did it that night and it was so intense i looked off].
That moment right there solidified everything for me, about her and I. I have absolutely no doubt, no question, no hesitation in saying that we are quickly going down a path of having a beautiful, very loving relationship. Something serious, where we both grow a lot.
I am so happy about this guys. I love hitting on hotties, that girl energy, wont give that up, but god damn I’m excited to be with this quality girl, this girl who I can actually really really really like, really respect, who pushes me, who looks up to me, who sees me as a guide, as a rock, a mountain, and who I can see as a beautiful river, a whisp of wind, a rock falling down my side.
I don’t give a fuck, really. This is what I want, and I’m getting it.
Still on the path. Still loving life. Now I’ve got a girl I’m seeing.
Lessons:
- Always have a default place to go to after, always have an idea of a venue change. I really don’t like being lead around by K or any girls, just for my internal self esteem. Always have a place to go.
- I love art, go to more art shows, films, creative events.
- Be genuine even if it means being a chode, or being confused. Being genuine with strength through AMBIGUITY is still being a man, even if the path is complex and uncertain.
Positives:
- Watched an amazing film.
- Ate an amazing meal.
- Made up an amazing story.
- Slept with an amazing girl.
- Saw her love pour out of her eyes into mine.
Wake up at 10am with a text from K saying she’s glad I don’t like football (since shes up, hung over from her night out, clearly not wanting to be awake). Cool, me too, I go back to sleep until 2pm.
I wake up and go grab Dim Sum with my biz partner and 2 of our past interns who are awesome, we all have great rapport. Was EXCELLENT. Couldn’t have imagined a better way to spend an hour and half, just chilling bullshitting with these guys.
I grab some Lee-Mountain Winter-Flush Oolong tea on my way out of China town, yeah I be into the tea scene.
Head out to go shoot hoops at 5, wtf the YMCA I want to join isnt open on Sundays? Okay I go to the weight room and DESTROY IT YET AGAIN.
Holy fuck I love overeating. As long as you eat the right shit (aka protein and fat, low low carb) I’m not seeing much if any fat gain. Adding weight to my lifts every time and actually increased my bench with weights and reps, hahahahhah mauhahaa.
Leg press, bench press, high to low rows, bi curls, forearm curls. I am +3 lbs since last time. Woot.
Go home trim my beard, take a bath, read more of “Born to Run” (turning out to be pretty good, got through another 50 pages last night). Head out to grab K, make it to her friends place I grab her.
Plan is to go see Black Swan together since I’ve heard nothing but great reviews from people I respect (other film dorks like me). We hit the theatre and it begins. HOLY FUCK.
If you haven’t seen it yet, you should. Unless you are a retarded frat boy who has no sense of aesthetics. Even then you might like it, although you’re still a dumbass.
She loved it, I loved it, I loved the small nuance, I talk to her about little details, my favorite shots (damn that repeated shot of her face in the black window of the subway, so haunting). She falls more in love with me because of this.
We head out and we’re both starving, its like 1030pm and shes had breakfast and Ive only had a protein shake post work out and a big thing of water.
We try to find some places, one place just closed, finally I’m like “I know a place we’re going” and lead. Awesome. Take us to this great restaurant/bar that I had done that approach on like.. idk day 10ish? with my sister, asking if they wanted to eat with us. Anyway the place is awesome, we sit at the bar, the barman loves us, we are kissing, clearly enamored.
Theres a figure on the wall and I lead her and I to make up his story. We call him Bernard Wilkins, and we make up his story. He had two wives but leaves the first, even thought its passionate, I ask her why, she says its because its too intense, I say how so, she says that the first wife is too alpha, too dominate. And I look K in the eyes and I say “And so thats why he fell for the second wife, because she was submissive, she wanted to be taken over and over, and he wanted to take her” K looks me right in the eyes, knowing we are talking about each other, that she is the second wife, and she says yes, like “yes i want you to take me over and over”.
Was really cool.
I like how creative I am with her, how creative she is back.
I tell K I really fucking like her, I adore that chick, love spending time with her, and that, regarding us, our relationship, and shit, that I dont want her to get the wrong idea, that I am really all about her right now, and her exclusively. She says yeah shes not seeing or interested in anyone else and that she cares a lot about me too and that as far as the relationship goes and stuff (sorta leading into declaring boyfriend girlfriend) shes not there yet, something like that, that she is worried about that, not because she doesnt like me but because its intense, and its already intense for us.
It was intense to do this, to have that conversation, to be staring at each other the whole time, and then me letting it sit there, letting us both sit and feel that feeling of like, yeah, yeah we really really do like each other, this is amazing, and .. amazingly fast. She giggled a lot and didnt know what to say and I just soaked it up, finally I threaded to something else.
Get to my place, sex, I cum in her while she rides me reverse doggystyle, my favorite, damn I love to watch that pussy.
As we’re lying there in bed she looks at me. Shes never looked at me that way before. Shes not smiling, shes not sad, shes not upset.. she looks really really.. vulnerable, but very strong with it, it was so intense, and she was communicating “I love you” with her eyes.
It was so intense and unexpected for me that I looked away. I looked off and kissed her shoulder.
I say “Ah so you finally gave me that look I always give you huh?”
K: “Yeah, and you looked away.”
Me: “Yeah. Yeah I did. That was really really intense”.
K “It is intense”.
[Note: Before this I do that look to her, although not as intense, damn, heh, and she constantly looks off, saying dont look at me like that, laughing, taken by my intensity of liking her. I had said maybe someday she’ll look at me that way, she said ‘yeah and make you look off’ and i respond ‘yeah right’. Well she did it that night and it was so intense i looked off].
That moment right there solidified everything for me, about her and I. I have absolutely no doubt, no question, no hesitation in saying that we are quickly going down a path of having a beautiful, very loving relationship. Something serious, where we both grow a lot.
I am so happy about this guys. I love hitting on hotties, that girl energy, wont give that up, but god damn I’m excited to be with this quality girl, this girl who I can actually really really really like, really respect, who pushes me, who looks up to me, who sees me as a guide, as a rock, a mountain, and who I can see as a beautiful river, a whisp of wind, a rock falling down my side.
I don’t give a fuck, really. This is what I want, and I’m getting it.
Still on the path. Still loving life. Now I’ve got a girl I’m seeing.
Lessons:
- Always have a default place to go to after, always have an idea of a venue change. I really don’t like being lead around by K or any girls, just for my internal self esteem. Always have a place to go.
- I love art, go to more art shows, films, creative events.
- Be genuine even if it means being a chode, or being confused. Being genuine with strength through AMBIGUITY is still being a man, even if the path is complex and uncertain.
Positives:
- Watched an amazing film.
- Ate an amazing meal.
- Made up an amazing story.
- Slept with an amazing girl.
- Saw her love pour out of her eyes into mine.
__________________
My Field Reports: Cat 3.0 -- "And Then There Was Bootcamp. And It Was Good"
Rhythm_T
Senior Member
Join Date: 03/06/2009 | Posts: 133
Keep it up dude, I wish you all the happiness and fullfilment that you deserve for all this value. :)