THE FORUMS

 Day #15.

Gonna keep this short and sweet, recalling what I can since this was ~17 days ago. This is our firsty day2, wherein we are one on one together.

I made plans with K for 8pm, get a call at like 7 shes gonna be a bit late, cool, instead of being like “oh what time are you gonna be????” I was like “Okay cool, so 9, sounds good.” I really like this whole consciously leading thing, because it makes me feel like I’m making the moves, and she is complying, and I think that makes her feel submissive and sexy and makes me feel dominate and masculine. Cool. (I’m trying to spell this out using logic when in reality the “meaning” of this is in the emotions we’re feeling, thats why its working).

I am looking fresh and clean, tell her to park close to a bar 2 blocks from my house. We meet up close by that bar and I walk up to her and we’re both smiling hard core, really great eye contact holding it the whole time we approach each other, like BEAMING at each other, BIG hug lift her up off the ground, shes laughing, I immediately am on her face trying to kiss her, shes avoiding my kisses laughing, its great. I tell her shes awful (for not kissing me) and squeeze her waist and I start walking us to my first bar, she immediately threads her arm in my arm and we’re off, just vibing and shit on the way down. She asks where are you taking me, and I just point down the street and smile, fun :)

We get to the first bar and I grab us a drink and we head to a spot to sit down, I smile at everyone in the bar. We find a table and I immediately grab the chair from the other side of the table and bring it to her side and shes like what are you doing? and I’m like this isnt going to be some awkward interview where we sit across from each other and talk about our jobs, and she laughs and says something to illicit me to grab her ass violently and she busts up laughing and tells me I am “sooooo physical” and I laugh and say thank you. Side by side is the only way to talk to a girl, ever.

To prove my point during this exchange I move my chair back to the other side and look at her for a second, and shes like, yeah no come back here, and I think thats where I shove my chair/self and hands on her / her ass, and she laughs.

We kick it here for a second and I actually do do some basic interview shit, kinda just get some INFO about her, like what shes into, whats her shit like with her family, siblings, friends, what music she likes, movies, that kind of stuff, stuff I can tell her I like about her later too, although for this girl, my “qualifying” is just looking at her in the eyes being fucking … like fucking adoring this chick, shit hahaha.

During this I tell her I recently shot footage of my mom performing at the most notable art museum in my city and tell her about giving it to her on xmas. This is my reason to go to my house with her, if she asks.

We finish our drinks, I wait about three seconds and say “wait here” and go pay the tab, then I walk up to her and say lets do it, and we take off. She doesnt ask any questions, just gets her jacket on and we take off. Again, I really like just doing and saying what I want us to do. Lesson.

On the way up to the bar I finally pull her into me and kiss her, and look at her in the eyes smiling and she like loves it, tells me “you are so cute”, and looks away and is smiling like mad and we kiss again, and she tells me you are so cute again. It’s awesome, since I actually want this chick for more than just another name on the list.

We start walking up the street to my local bar where I’m more social proofed (sadly my two bartenders arent in since its a tuesday or something). I ask her if she is good at pool, because Im going to kick her ass, she laughs and is like NOOO nooo dont noo. I laugh and just change threads, we show up, we order and tell the bar tender she has this one, and no flinch she pays its cool. I take her back to my spot with the pool tables, kiss again, and now the tone is like, flirt flirt flirt kiss touch touch stare stare smile smile kiss flirt smile strare smile kiss stare kiss smile flirt flirt, vibe. Again, I think because of the way I’m looking at her, I’m building the whole trust/comfort thing, since she feels totally safe and natural in my arms, protected by me, since I am a rock. I am definitely touching her hips, running my hands around her ass, moving my fingers slowly down her neck while I kiss her, seducing her, running my fingers up and down the crease between her legs and her pussy, shes got a hot curvy body. Loving it.

I say we are playing pool and shes like Hahahaha fuckkkk okayyy fine. I go and get the pool balls and attempt to teach her how to play pool, and do the whole, my arms around her holding the pool cue being all over her, totally making fun of it but also like, doing it at the same time, really fun. She is AWFUL and its hilarious and Im laughing. She heads to the bathroom and I quickly hit in 4 of her balls. She comes back and laughs and Im like what???!!!?? haha good times, making it fun. During the game shes grabbing my ass and staring at me when I play, cause I like pool and during my shots I compartmentalize my own flirty emotions for the duration of my turn and she can see that side of me as a man, like I have intent in everything I do, beyond her, and this is so important, shit. Just like, as a fact of my life, without anyone, I need to have intent in everything I do.

Eventually she wins and I’m like okay haha we’re done because its clear that we’re done, haha. I return the pool balls and we keep up the flirting vibing kissing touching. Some other fools show up and whatever we are totally and completely in our own bubble, they get a good tutorial on how to be all over a woman and simultaneously draw her in towards me, and I’m love the whole thing. It was so fun, I really dont want to attach ego to this, I just want, when writing this for myself, to express my own happiness and enjoyment of this process as a reminder of how good it is. It’s really important for me to recognize that K is awesome but THIS IS SOMETHING I CAN DO WITH WHOEVER again in the future, a great sign-post of how much fun I can give myself and others.

We finish our drinks and Im like okay lets go, boom we’re out. I am walking down the street to my house, she asks where are we going? I say we’re going to my house, its cute, I’m going to show you something. She laughs. We show up, I kiss her and push her away from me as Im walking into my kitchen to grab two wine glasses and pop a bottle (haha?). I pour us two glasses of red and turn on my computer and show her footage of some recent stuff I’ve shot (film, a passion), some footage of my mom singing opera, which is awesome for so many reasons, 1) because its badass, my mom is awesome, 2) because it shows I care about my family, 3) because it shows something Im passionate about, and again, awesomeness.

She tells me she is already in love with my mom (haha Ive done this with two girls off cold approached in december now and both times they are like, I LOVE your mom, and that feeling of ‘this is awesome’ is attached to me, cool).

I talk to her about some of what I think about life, drop some philosophy knowledge, enjoy discussing this, shes not offended when I’m talking about norms-offending positions, and so thats cool I like that.

At some point in this I say some intuitions I have about her and shes agreeing and playing off of it, and I say shes this beautiful girl, but shes actually shy and in her head, and she says “yeah im this sort of socially awkward ugly duckling story” and Im laughing and Im like “yeah yeah you are, haha, so am I its great” and shes like “noo no you like, dissolve the social awkwardness” [this is verbatim, obviously with my ‘thinking about this so much’ lifestyle her saying that phrase was amazing]. I laugh and kiss her some more.

Some other stuff happens, just general qualifying kissing stuff.

Yay, I tell her we are watching babies (also a killer, did this with my last day 2 and it was on, lay etc). Shes like what?? I load up netflix and play Babies, a documentary with no talking, just footage of babies, its so awesome, it truely amuses me so so so much, I giggle like a little boy every time, its great.

I also read into it coming from the whole “I make movies” angle because I really really like this idea as a documentary and am talking about this while it’s playing. I like this, and this movie is the perfect shortness to watch for a first date, its like 50 minutes max.

After about 20 minutes we are making out and she is moaning when I’m kissing her neck and her shoulders and digging my thumbs her hips, take off my shirt, kissing her chest her breasts her nipples take off her button down shirt super easily (love you, you girl-pimp, so much more smooth than me pulling your shirt off over your head). I am kissing her stomach and have her on my couch on her back and shes moaning and Im kissing down her pants and take off the first button and keep going down and then move back up to her lips and push her body into the couch and own her. Look at her in the eyes and then start to unzip her pants and smile at her, looking at her in the eyes.

She is smiling back and is like noooooo and giggling haha, zips her jeans back. I smile and proceed to go down on her through her jeans just pushing my face into where I think her clit is and she blows up laughing and then I move back up to her jeans and kiss my way down the sides of her hips close to her pussy and unzip her pants and shes moaning and is very into it, I move back up to her and put my hand down her pants and spread her pussy and rub it and while I do this, we both sponatenously say ‘fuck’ to each other at the same time, millimeters away from each others lips, that was the hottest shit ever man, damn. Totally awesome. I pull her pants off and she laughs at me and then tells me ‘you’re dangerous’ while looking at me like I am going to make her do things she wouldnt normally do and I’m smiling haha shove her back on her back and kiss my way down her pussy and hips and move her panties to the side and attack her happy button with my tongue.

At one point as I stop on her pussy and move back up her body kissing her she says ‘Delicious’.

I pick her up in my arms and carry her to my bed and put her on it and continue doing my business. I want to put it in her, she says nooooo we cant I go down on her again and try again and she says noooooo we cant, i dont push it and she ends up in my bed in my arms moaning pushing her body against me, we basically spend from 12am to 3am touching each other, at this point my cock isnt even hard and I have work at 8 and then leave for vietnam that next night. she bounces. The whole sex thing wasnt a super big deal, its totally clear its on, and the whole time through her saying noooo and not complying the mood is still completely positive, like zero dip into the negative.

She bounces at 330am, we are kissing as she leaves, we are elated, we are looking into each others eyes smiling and laughing constantly.

So fun.

Lessons:
- Lead. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS, MAKE STATEMENTS ABOUT WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
- Have intent in everything I do. This is part of being a fucking man on a path.
- Be very sexually agressive. K repeatedly tells me I am the most aggressive guy shes being with and she loves it. Manhandle her tastefully in public and dominate her completely in private.
- Smile and laugh and look them in the eyes.

Positives:
- After getting her down to her panties and me naked in my bed and fooling around as much as we did I know shes very into sex, and I rike.
- So beautiful. Really.
- I had a great fucking time. I love day 2s. I am usually great at them and they are almost always a bunch of fun, do something cool, often have sex or very very sexual. Awesome.
- A true signpost.

Cheers

 12/31/2010 - Day #17.

This is my new years eve story.

I leave Ho Chi Minh City / Siagon at 3am on the 31st. We travel BACKWARDS a day and so I arrive in my city on the 31st, at 3pm. Total travel time is 36 hours.

I manage to not sleep at all. The day before I leave, the 30th, I get a horrible stomach bug and am shitting water for 24 hours, think “ass faucet”. I get 6 hours of horrible sleep the night before and am feeling like shit all day.

That didnt stop me from going out that day, btw, but I digress.

I arrive at my apt at 5pm. I FLOSS, holy shit, they dont use floss in vietnam, wtf. I shower, clean up, shave, and then try to get some sleep.

A few nights before K has emailed me saying we should meet up. I coordinate plans for my NYE and it looks like this: go to cool party in downtown city area at 930pm with my twin sister (who is awesome and alpha and social), find K at midnight to kiss her, go to a show with her that starts at midnight, and then who knows.

I sleep for 90 minutes -- HORRIFYING NIGHTMARES. FUCK. So fucked up. I wake up and stand up and cannot balance. I’m like ‘FUCK THIS I AM SO FUCKED UP RIGHT NOW’ thinking how the fuck am I going to go out and be social and not be a retard and pull K cause I’m in my head, I feel like a loser, I feel so negative, yadda yadda.

I get in the shower again to just chill out. I start to clap my hands in the shower, talking to myself LOUDLY yelling “FUCK THAT ITS NEW YEARS YOU ARE DOING THIS CAT”.

I seem to regain my balance, somewhat. I eat a chicken breast and drink coffee and use my sun lamp to energize myself. I take a sip of wine and it tastes horrible.

I dress myself and I look good. My sister comes over and we do final touches, vibe and pump each other up (not consciously but just like get LOUD and chatty). I’m yelling shit and doing dance moves and saying how Im going to tell bitches that Im going to fuck their souls.

We head to the party, its tight. The mood is chill at first, everyone is really well dressed, looking fly and sophisticated. I don’t know a single fucking person here, my twin knows these people, I’m invited through her. I meet a few of her friends and grab a glass of wine. It tastes horrible, I ditch it and go for water.

K calls me up and is drunkish and keeps saying my name ‘CAT!’ a lot and asks if I’m having fun and I cant hear shit but its clear she wants to meet up already (its only 10pm). I laugh and tell her I’ll call her when I can hear. We are kicking it more at the party. I throw down some retarded dance moves with my sister who has good dance moves and we’re getting out of our heads and just vibing enjoying the shits.

I meet some random people, don’t remember what happens, a small set for a second, who do know here, yadda yadda.

I see 3 girls I went to highschool with show up, I open them (havent seen them in 6 years) and they love me (wow, I’ve changed a lot since then, hahahah). I am shooting the shit and loving them. I open some random chick close by and her friend, kinda bitch front at first, I stare her down and smile like you’re not gonna get away with that shit with me, she blows up laughing, that runs off somewhere.

At this point people are getting drunk and I’ve now got a beer which tastes okay, so I’m drinking it, first drink of the night, 90 minutes of sleep in the last 44 hours.

I’ve opened 5 people so far, 2 sets, they all go well, its fun, just chatting being social. I bump into the highschool girls again (4 of them total) and chat and then say okay I’m gonna go mingle and they’re like “yeah, gonna go hit on some more girls CAT???!!!” like they were watching from earlier and I go “yeah, hahah” and turn around and approach 3 girls sitting down.

They open up good and we’re vibing for like 20 seconds and then I point to a spot between them on the couch and say I’m sitting right there as I move towards it and they move and I sit down. This was a great move for me, getting locked in with them, totally smooth, natural, the only socially acceptable thing to do (how weird would it be for me to just stand there for 10 minutes, gross). I’m touching the two on my sides and flirting with all of them, two are hot.

One has plaid on and I tell her I was going to ask if you were scottish (she is clearly asian) and what clan you’re from, they bust up laughing. I think that was what I opened with, or said right after I said Hi to them all.

That was great, got all their names, had a fun time. Some other dude shows up that they know and I chat with the one to my right for a few more minutes and then bounce saying Ill see you guys around, head back into the dance floor.

No clue where my sister is now I’m just solo romping.

I walk into the dance floor and see some girl by herself dancing. I approach and immediately we are inches from each others faces, love the “loud environment” excuse to talk to someones ear, damn. It is so fucking totally on with this chick, we are saying nothing, talking interview shit but its like the words are so irrelevant we are really just like in each others space completely. Somehow she figures out I’ve got some girl and is like you’re not supposed to be talking to me!! What the fuck? Haha. I think I said I’m not supposed to be talking to girls, I’m a bad man, and she asked if I had a girl or something, I dunno, I think I smile coy like at that point and yeah. Shes cool, we are vibing, still up in each others shit.

My sister finds me I intro her to this chick M, they vibe for a sec, I realize its late and I gotta run, K has called a few times since saying my name and how shes not drunk whereupon I BLOW UP LAUGHING AT HER and she laughs, pretty great. Its like 1130 so I bounce, start heading to the show.

I see the two rappers heading in dressed in a Tux each, my girl K is good friends with one of them, who I had already cold approached in a bar two months earlier saying I like your shit, anyway. K is at the corner, same as our Day2 we are staring at each other, smiles, big hug, kisses. Its glory times, we are both totally fucking into each other (had been exchanging romantic / hilarious / philosophical emails during my trip from time to time, shes got a head on her).

We get in for free, they countdown to Midnight I kiss her, we are all over each other, its paradise-ical. Cool yay, they start the show, I bring us to the bar to get a drink. We are waiting in line I see K staring at P (the lead singer of the headliner show, her friend). I laugh and say “haha on shit you’re in love” she says “no no hes being a huge ass” and keeps looking back at him and shit, then looks at me and smiles and kisses me and is all over me. In my head I’m like, DAMN, I’m competing with a rising hiphop star, I guess that’s cool.. lol. It’s shaking me a bit but whatever I’m like FUCK THIS IM GONNA HAVE FUN (I had met her at the show with this same guy, who is in a different group as well). So I close my eyes and just hear the music, let it move me, enjoy it. I open them and am smiling and shes watching me and I look at her and shes smiling and I grab her and pull her into me by her ass and kiss her, slide my fingers up her jacket and into her hips kiss her, make out, look at her, that stuff.

We get our drinks, I can tell shes feeling weird about it, with him, like they had some past or theres something now or WHATEVER. I don’t care, and so she says something about it and I laugh and say “look I dont care, I just want us to have fun, we should go back to my party if you’re not enjoying this” she looks at me and sorta communicates she wants to with her eyes and I say “lets finish this drink and head back, the party is awesome”. So we do, meanwhile we dance a bit and shes not as weird about P the guy anymore and we are making out a shit load, feeling her up.

I want to state that during this, I’m almost always disengaging first, pushing her off my lips by her hips, looking at her, then turning to bounce to the music, yelling YEAHHH and shit, move in front of her and touch her pussy with my fingers behind my back, she’ll grab my ass, that shit. But I am not going to FOLLOW HER. I DO NOT DO THAT SHIT. She moves into me, and I do not move because of her. She loves this about me, that I’m a rock that she can hold on to. I know this.

We finish the drinks, grab a cab, she opens the driver and I find that super fucking cute, asks him how he is and shit, he’s great we all have a really nice, happy conversation. I tip him twice the fare, we get out and walk into the party.

Ereybody in there be drunk. I’ve had two drinks for the night and 90 minutes sleep. K is sober enough. I intro K to my sister and my sister is immediately like shes gorgeous in my ear. Yes she is.

We are on the dance floor making out, dancing, for an hour. I don’t remember anyone or anything else, just us smiling at each other, her moving into me, kissing me, doing moves, trying to seduce me with her eyes, kissing me, its so hot. She reaches out to grab my cock, I grab her hands before she does since we’re like two of 6 people on the floor with everyone watching, and I am tasteful, haha. It’s soo soooo on. All the other girls I had chatted to I see looking at me, esp the highschool friends, that was the funniest part. But mostly we were just in our own bubble.

During this my sister comes up and reintroduces herself to K, and I’m like, fuck, she is DRUNK. Shit. Im trying to figure logistics in my head.

Night winds down I say we’re out of here lets go. K is calling up 3 dudes in the area to sleep over (yeah that fucked with my head a bit, but whatever I know she is in love with me, literally. Literally, K is in love with me). I’m trying to sort out how I can get my sister home and me home with K at my house.

We are walking to my car K is like where are we going, I say my house, K says no I should stay here... super smiling giggly laughing all over me I say “okay” totally cool she BUSTS UP LAUGHING (because its almost like, so fucking obvious that theres this game you play where you have to make an excuse to pull the girl and she has to say no and shit, so my saying okay and continuing to walk her to my car ignores it all, hilarious). She then says “you should show me your photos from your trip” and I say “okay lets do it” and we keep walking. She says “noooo nooo I really shouldn’t” and I’m laughing and she is too, and I stop her, turn her around, kiss her, look at her, kiss her, whisper in her ear “I made this movie for you while I was there I have to show you the out-takes” and she says “oh outtakes, i want to see your vietnam trip outtakes” (sounding strangly drunk, kinda weird but whatever) and I’m like cool.

So even though we both are CLEARLY wanting to go to my house and fuck each other silly, and like, it’s so so so obvious thats whats going to happen, and I think because my sister was in the car and she had made plans to spend the night, she needed some pushing (as opposed to the day2 where I was just like we’re going to my house)... so even though its so clear, YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE AN EXCUSE TO BRING A GIRL HOME. That excuse is for HER. SHE NEEDS IT TO TEXT HER FRIENDS. TO TELL HER GUY FRIENDS. Give her that gift.

We get to my house, zero movies, zero anything, making out shirts off, bra off, I walk her into the bedroom she strips naked and lies down for me to take her. I do.

I fuck her for 30 and go down on her again but am so fucking exhausted I lose my hard on and give up on it. Shes disappointed, and I’m like FUCK in my head, but honestly, I really dont actually care that much at this point, I am so fucking tired, so I’m not choding around being like OH SORRY GIRL, it’s like yeah, as you can see by how my body is lying here I am tried.

We flirt for another hour and a half in bed, naked lying together. It’s 3am. She gets on top of me, starts to rub her pussy into my cock and then starts kissing down my neck and chest and in my head I’m like “fuck Im just gonna disappoint and not get it up” but she feels amazing doing it, and she gets me hard, and she proceeds to give me the best blowjob I’ve had in years. She was SO FUCKING HOT. She has amazing lips and was so good and was so fucking into it. I came so much in her mouth for soo sooo long. Jesus.

Was amazing, what a way to welcome the new year.

Lessons:
- It doesn’t matter if you haven’t slept for 48 hours, traveled across the globe, and had a stomach parasite, there is no excuse for not having the time of your life every day. There is never a goog enough excuse for not going out and getting it.
- Don’t let external factors bother me. I let go of the fact that K might actually like P. If she does, that’s fine. I KNOW WHAT I LIKE. I TRUST MYSELF. I trust that she likes me, and actually, I know that she is in love with me. SO WHAT that she has dudes she can spent the night at. That’s not about MY SELF ESTEEM. And it would be a huge disservice to her to make HER LIFE about ME. No. MY LIFE is mine and mine only, and I can invite her into that, but I can’t control her, and I don’t want to. Do not let that external shit matter.
- I have come so far in my life in the last 6 years. Been so “on” with my purpose in most of my life, that actively focusing on pickup is easy.

Positives:
- I had an amazing night, seduced a woman I really really like, and had her fall deeper for me because of it.
- Unreal head. Fucking unreal.

Sitting here in this coffee shop, results in the last 45 minutes:

Open guy in the elevator and just talk about my life, how cold it is here, how I was just in vietnam. Had an actual conversation, was really great. Had that split second moment where i was like okay time to actually open my mouth and talk, dude. Then I did. Love that, makes me feel so proud. Walked out of the elevator wishing him well, feeling like I brightened another soul today, feeling like Okay that's enough.

Ran into a girl co-worker on the way to the bus, we chatted the whole time, super upbeat. I'm getting better and better and better and leading the conversation through the lulls, really being that force that makes socializing super comfortable, the person to look to in the situation. Was great.

Head into walgreens to get an electric shaver (my co-worker is selling me her iphone case cool). At checkout see this super hottie, def a 9, gorgeous. She has two things of coffee creamer and a bag of coffee. I tease her a bunch, and she looks at me immediately laughing. It lasts a minute and she checks out. I should've just pushed it really really hard, been like BLOW ME OUT YOU ARE LEAVING IM STOPING YOU SO YOU CAN BLOW ME OUT. I didn't but it was still a great feeling.

Realized on my walk home after parting ways with my friend/co-worker that I should go to this coffee shop to first go to a new place (and do this regularly, a good practice) and also cause there could be people here. So now I'm on my laptop chillin here drinking a tea, and yeah, I feel great.

Going to grab a drink with my sister at 8pm and then meetup with K at 9ish.

I want to meditate for a bit on what I think is going to happen with me and K, what I need to do to keep growing this muscle that I’m working on.

So what I think is going to happen with K and I:

I don’t want to think about it, think about an outcome, so whatever happens happens. Right now it seems like we’re both in love with each other, in a very new, puppy dog sort of way. She has the qualities in a person (love of books, art, philosophy, thinking, sex, and her own presentation) that I really demand in a girl. I think I’ve got that shit working so well for me that I deserve that, and nothing less.

I dont know whats going to happen, I’m not going to push it into something, we are going to co-evolve it. But whatever does happen, I’m excited; we are having so much fun together.

What I need to do:

I need to keep growing my social muscles. I need to do this for myself. I know that in my head I’m thinking this is also what I have to do to keep K, but I dont want that to be my intent. My intent for building my social muscle is that its growing me. It is not about K. It is about growing my own shit. That means flirting, approaching, socializing a lot.

There are really easy things I can do to make this happen. GO OUT. Approach a stranger everyday. So far I’m still on the path.

To make sure I’m going out and doing cool shit that I want to do (I have a list of cool shit I want to do, and I love moving the items to the done part and reading it over). Two days ago I signed up for a Black and White photography class for the following Saturday. Thats easy, done; and hey Im going to meet cool people at that, duh.

Going to shows, keeping events calenders up and buying tickets, need to do that.

Been making coffee / tea dates with people and have everyday this week booked except Saturday, although Im gonna make plans to do that RIGHT NOW (sending text). It reads: “Rarrrrr I am molesting you via bear hugs this weekend, let’s do it up harry mammal style”.

So yeah thats the easiest hack, just fucking figure out cool events. No excuses about going out with someone to do this shit, fuck that. That idea in my mind, when it comes up, is going to get skipped (LESSON / FOCUS). Fuck that.

Continue to push it with cold approach girls. I want to keep my options open, meet new girls and invite new people into my life.

I need to be socializing everyday. I know that after this 30 days challenge via cold approaches Im going to keep that social proactiveness up, making sure I talk to the dude in the elevator, the clerk at the hotel, etc, but have my criteria be spending time TALKING. I want to be TALKING more, I’m already doing it a lot, shit, my social skills are so so so dialed these days, but I want to keep growing that, push it hard and harder. I want to be able to dominate with my positivity in every situation.

I want to be going to new places every week, trying new restaurants, new bars, new theatres, new clubs, every week. I NEED TO GET INTO THE CLUB, shit.

This is the kind of shit that PUSHES ME HARD and thats awesome. FUCK, this Thursday is the Art walk, Ive got to cancel on my friend. Leaving vmail right now for C, the girl I met LAST MONTH when I went there.

One thing, about this that I’m realizing, is that even though I’m in my head thinking about this shit, at this coffee shop, IM NOT AT MY HOUSE CHODING AROUND BEING A DOUCHEBAG. I AM WITH PEOPLE around me, in a setting where social situations will happen. This is big, I think mentally. JUST BE OUT OF MY OWN HOUSE, FUCK.

Great shit, this is a good session right now writing this shit out, getting my calender full. Just settled plans with a hottie highschool friend for wednesday, art walk on thursday, family shit tomorrow, drinks with two friends on friday and play that shit by ear. I should try this yoga class that next saturday. Adding to calendar.

Just got up to get more water for my tea, resteep it. Just had a GREAT INTERACTION. THE GUY SAYS “Thanks man!” after we chat about tea for a minute. So much positivity. I’m bringing that, esp since Im a closet tea freak (need to find events about this shit!).

How to keep growing this muscle:

Do not stop. ANY ACTION is better than no action. JUST SHOWING UP is almost always all I need to get started. Reaffirming that as my baseline criteria for success: JUST SHOW UP.

Love you fuckers. Comment on my thread if you feel compelled. Going to dinner with my sis in a bit and then gonna eat out my chick. The text that organized that meetup today was “I am horny and want you to be sitting on my face. Fuck work”.

Cheers!

1/2/2011 - Sunday - Day #19.

I had made plans to meet up with K. She said she had a good idea and I didnt ask what, just said we have to be done before 4pm (since Im eating dinner and doing xmas shit w/ my family). I call her at like 1pm and she calls back and tone is awesome, I ask what her timing is she says shes still at her brunch and Im like, okay totally cool im going to go play basketball and she says Im not sure how long Im going to be like 20 minutes, if you want to still meet up.. I’m like, ehhh... I dunno, she says I could suck at estimating time I dont know, I say cool im gonna play basketball no worries maybe ill talk to you sometime in the future... totally laughing at this point cause we are both obviously crazy bout each other (we have to wait until the following weekend when shes back in my city). She is laughing too I say awesome, I’m gonna go kick little kids asses at this shit, I’ll talk to you.

I bike to the gym and FUCKING DOMINATE THE COURT FOR 2 HOURS, totally on fire. I completely think that the break I took from bball while traveling was a big reason why this happened.

I realized a lot of awesome shit about my shot, actually, realizing that I have shots, and they each work differently.. anyway was many moments of epiphany and ownage. Love just practicing basketball so much, gives me so much pleasure, its an easy self-esteem button because even if im not killing it, i know Im getting so so so much better (been playing since last June, so 7 months now and so much improvement, its so fun).

I stay until the court isnt free anymore. I approach the girls who are setting up some event and I laugh at a sign that says “paint your bike!!” and ask them whats up, vibe with them for a minute, and bounce. Cool, approach done.

I head home and clean myself up, head to my family’s to do gifts, dinner. We eat at 7pm, do gifts and all that shit until 11 just hanging out, then I head home, smoke some dro and pass out.

Lessons:
- Been super busy these days since I’ve been back, so I need to SCHEDULE TIME to get my cold approach in. I was lucky today that I found these people and approached.

Positives:
- My approach was totally automatic -- I was simply curious about what was going on. I love this, writing this. Even, on some level I’m thinking “oh I didnt feel any fear because of it so it didnt count”, I know this is actually me simply GETTING BETTER because I didnt feel any fear. My criteria is to show up and get an approach in and I did, totally fucking naturally. Smiles exchanged -- I dont really think about this but this is often how all my interactions go. Often we are both smiling a fair amount, and I’m doing that shit no matter what, heh.