P.S. I just fed some raw grass fed beef to my cat. Meow.
I was going to Seattle this weekends.
I am single once again. Had an amazing (truly) relationship for a little over 13 months with a really special girl but alas, we had some real stuff that we couldn't come to terms with. Left each other in a pool of tears and I-love-yous. Zero hurt feelings, zero resentment, zero "suffering," just sadness to lose someone so close in a certain way (despite knowing that we'll maintain a wonderful friendship eventually).
Happened last Saturday, today is Tuesday, still raw, still up and down, still sad. If I wasn't, why the fuck would you stay with someone for 13 months of my life. I call that A SUCCESS, feeling sad, literally, a sign of success, a sign of experiencing deep emotions, of actually giving a fuck. Why would you want it any other way?
Still far too soon to know what I want going forward ... but given that I'm posting up on RSDN, perhaps you can guess the direction I'm thinking ;)
I've learned so much about relationships and more importantly, what I need to have a fulfilling relationship, each time I go in and come out. If anything, I learned more about myself in the last year than I could've in game (hard to compare but I'll hedge there).
So here's a quick update on me, what's new, what's old.
-- "passified" my business, running on zero employees, just passive income for me, my biz partner, and our investors
-- have started a new business and am 5 months in -- I can talk process on this, how I found the problem I wanted to solve, how we've gone about handling it, etc later. Am pivoting from a services business to an information product / education business in the coming 6 months. Excited.
-- have gotten deep into powerlifting and nutrition, most recently going from 180 to 215 back to 187. I wrote awhile ago that I had a goal of being 185 shredded. I care less about shredded now but know I'm stronger than ever with lower bodyfat. This isn't an ego thing, it's a powerlifting sport thing (this is what you maximize in powerlifting, strength / body weight).
-- I quit using substances on any regular basis last month and have seriously enjoyed the results. I feel more stable and focused. Smoking weed and watching TV became a regular "hang out" w my old GF, something I realized eventually was pretty shitty. Took my own responsibility and changed.
-- have continued and deepend my own internal journey. Continual focus on presence, inward strength, and warmth. I want everyone who spends time with me to just feel better for no damn reason. It's the best feeling to give this to others, truly. Aim to give, not take, as it selfishly produces the most happiness.
-- have focused on minimalism, removing clutter and things from my life. Am moving to a smaller apartment over the next two weeks, saving a ton of cash which I continue to invest in the Indexes (thank you free money @ 15%)
-- on and off on meditation but keep the practice on occassion. Hit my first isolation float tank a few weeks ago and it was amazing. Have two more sessions paid for and will hit it again in a bit.
-- have spent more time backpacking and hiking in the wilderness of my home state this summer than ever before and loved it. All of these practices are to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN, to go INWARDS AND BREATHE, to EXPERIENCE SLOWER AND DEEPER. Meditation, float tank, reading, powerlifting, all these practices focus me deeply on the activity at hand and produce amazing results in productivity and wellbeing.
-- have focused on spending very little money, again to build up my networth faster, compound my earnings more quickly, with the goal of retiring on 4% of my stock portfolio as soon as possible. I would like to not have to do anything for the sake of money after I'm 35. This frees me to detach what I spend my life doing with what I "need to do to survive". Simultaneously I'm spending (often large) amounts of money on things I know will help me long term: physical therapy, float tank, books, and investing.
-- I've grown closer with my family and realize how important this is to me as a value. Everyone has their own shit but I'm dedicated to staying close with them throughout my life. They provide me with support, fun, and they help me gut-check what I'm doing in my life when others (GFs, friends) might not be as ruthless. I learn so much about myself asking them about me. Cultivate this.
-- I do what I want. I don't answer to anyone. But I support those who ask of me when I can. I coordinate with others and work to support people who support me.
-- I've realized a truth that happens probably in your mid-twenties: some of your friends become really toxic with really unhealthy habits (alcoholism, really deeply negative limiting beliefs) and have learned to let these people go. This has been a process of internal healing for me as much as a wakeup call for them.
-- I've seen amazing live performances, lectures, movies, and speakers. I've studied modern theoretical partical physics (without the math, just concepts), hacking, nutrition, and muscle physiology. I've read amazing books, tried new foods, different diets, and learned and learned and learned.
Today is just one more day in that journey to experience me. I don't fight the feelings I have, the thoughts that arise and fall away, the good and the bad and the ugly.
I'm just me.
Life is absurd. There is no point, there never was, and the only point there will be is the meaing you give to your own life. This fact is neither good nor bad but just fact.
Embrace the chaos, for it is beautiful, devestating, and never under your control.
Always good to read your stuff. Postive vibe ozzes out of it. oh and f you, you're not old... i'm going on 32 now haha.
He is paying for our sins by taking jabs to the face by angry feminists -- and so it was, so it shall be. Praise Tyler, Amen.
What a man can be, he must be. This need we may call self-actualization. —Abraham Maslow
I simply don't even really have the desire to take girls home yet but just want to be out and social
The streaks were fun but I'm looking to up the quality of interpresonal interaction I have in my life and this applies to friends, family, and girls.
I'm not a poster here, but an avid reader, especially your journal I've started reading you page1 a year ago . I've just finished reading it a month ago . At the last page I was kind of sad, because I tought you were away forever .
I wake up this morning and I just realise that you're back! Wow I don't know you but I feel like it's a friend who's coming back haha .
I've started my journal, because yours inspire me so much, I've started my business because yours inspire me so much, I've started reading almost all your book suggestion (currently reading Authentic Happiness), I've started strenght training also. . .
There's almost no advice you gave that I haven't done .
Oh and yeah, DAYGAME . Man daygame for me is a life changing habit, and you're the one behind it who helped me leverage and do it .
Honestly by every pickup product/video I can say that your journal is THE MOST POWERFULL tool I had. And god damn it . . . it's free unbeleivable!
Alright Cat, so those words to say thank you, it's a pleasure reading you, you such an inspiration bro!
Keep it up
P.s. Sorry for my poor english, I'm from Québec ;)