THE FORUMS

July 17th, 2018
30-Day Natural Game Challenge
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Roark101

Roark101

Senior Member

Join Date: 11/19/2010 | Posts: 99

What’s up, RSD Nation?

OK, I’m psyched. And nervous. But mostly psyched. Tonight, I begin the vaunted, legendary, skin-thickening, palm-dampening 30-Day Challenge of Glory. But first, a quick story:

I live in New York City, where the hottie-to-chode ratio is higher than a party at Tiger Woods’ place. Many months ago, I’m sitting in a Starbucks when I see… her. My personal 10, sitting by herself, some five feet away. Her: A leggy brunette in a denim mini-skirt. She was five-car-pileup pretty. She looked like Katie Holmes, before Tom Cruise lobotomized her. The dream-girl next door. There was an empty chair next to her. She looked bored, pecking away on her phone. I wanted to approach her to say something. Anything! But try as I might, I couldn’t… get… my … legs… to… move. I felt paralyzed.

I couldn’t do it. Why? The best word to describe what stops me from approaching beautiful women is “fog.” It’s as if a dense, soupy cloud has rolled in, obscuring the clarity of right action: see girl, chat up girl, repeat. Instead, in this case, I read her mind, anticipated negative responses, worried about what the couple at the table next to us might think, blah, blah, blah. After 5 foggy minutes of that kind of inner chatter, Katie got up and marched her beautiful, milky legs out the door and out of my life.

I felt low. I felt small. So I signed up for a boot-camp. Several, actually. In fact, I’m kind of a strange case. I’ve become a bit boot-camp dependent in 2010. I’ve boot-camped it with Ryan, Brad/Owen, Ozzie, Jeffy, and Alex. I’m kinda like the cheerleader who’s making her way through the football team. An RSD slut, that’s me.

And my progress has been amazing, thanks to these fantastic, insightful coaches. I’ve pulled a few times, had several mind-blowing epiphanies, and learned a lot about myself. I highly recommend a BC with any of these guys.

But still, boot-camps can only take you so far. I still need work, which brings me to the 30-Day Challenge. I’m 39. I never dated in high school. I dated a bit in college. I spent the last 20 years passively accepting the perceived reality that beautiful women wouldn’t want me. I’m not rich or great-looking, and I was never on the football team. Me, I’m nice and funny. And we know how often nice guys get girls.

My sticking point now is so basic it’s embarrassing to admit, but here it is: I rarely go out. With all this incredible access to the world’s brightest self-development and dating minds (both in BCs and on this site), I STILL find myself saying, “Sure, I COULD stand in long lines and pay $11 for an Amstel Light and deal with toolish guys, OR I could stay home and watch ‘The Hangover.’ ” I was naïve. I thought boot-camps alone would transform me into the sex-worthy guy who’d effortlessly tear up the clubs. It hasn’t happened. It takes work. I still internet date. But that’s lazy. Taking all these bootcamps and NOT going out is like studying at Le Cordon Bleu and making mac-and-cheese every night.

As Owen said during World Summit, “If you don’t go out, all is lost.” So, it’s time I man up and hit the town. New York. The city that never sleeps and rarely bathes. Thirty straight days!

As for the structure, in my London boot-camp, Ozzie taught me a valuable lesson about simplicity and attainable goals. So my 30-Day Natural Game Challenge is clear-cut: Every day for a month, I will do a MINIMUM of three approaches of attractive women, holding each conversation for at least two minutes.

That’s all. Three approaches may not sound like much, but that’s my absolute minimum. I figure by month’s end I’ll have approached at least 100 gorgeous girls, likely many more. What percentage of straight, single men approach 100 hotties a month? One or 2 percent, max? Many nights (or days) I’ll approach more, but I want a nice, low bar to start. This is my anti-burnout firewall.

Why the two-minute minimum? Glad you asked. To paraphrase Ozzie: That’s how long it takes for anxiety/awkwardness to subside when chatting up a HB. After two minutes, your heart rate will have returned to normal. You become comfortable. Plus: If you’re going to hook the girl, it’ll probably happen by the two-minute mark. And if she isn’t into me, hell… two minutes goes fast. I can stick. You can hold your breath for two minutes. Or do sit-ups for two minutes. Or listen to Rick Springfield’s Greatest Hits in all of two minutes.

Also, to further push myself, each day will include a special mission, designed to help me overcome a specific pickup-based fear. Maybe lifting the girl within two minutes, which freaks me the fuck out. Or doing at least one chode opener (“Hey, is this club the best club?”) to show that the “pickup line” doesn’t really matter. And before my month is over, I want to borrow Alex’s innovation and try my own Chode’s Night Out. I still battle approach anxiety, and embracing my Inner Chode – right down to my pleated khaki pants – sounds like a blast and an education, both.

Speaking of Alex -- who put on a KILLER Geneva boot-camp -- I’ll end with this. He has coined a term that sums up who I want to become: A positive-dominant man of action. That’s my goal -- to evolve not into a player or pickup artist… but a positive-dominant man of action. Shit yeah!

And when I get there, no Starbucks hottie will be safe.

Thanks for reading. I’ll be back tomorrow – and every day for the next month – with a field report, and, I hope, some good insights and tips that will add to your own RSD experience.

Peace out!
__________________
 "A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for." --Grace Murray Hooper
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#1
Master Milo

Master Milo

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/09/2009 | Posts: 387

 30 day challenges are the shit. Have fun, and let us know how it goes. 
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"Don't dream it, be it." (Dr Frank N Furter)
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#2
Roark101

Roark101

Senior Member

Join Date: 11/19/2010 | Posts: 99

DAY ONE REPORT

Hey, RSD Nation. I’m one day into my 30-Day Natural Game Challenge. (And thanks for the encouraging words, Master Milo and Dave7... I appreciate it.) Here’s my Day One field report, some random thoughts, and a special guest appearance by none other than (wait for it, wait for it…) Owen Cook!

I’ve been in contact with Owen since we did a couple sets together in Vegas at World Summit. One night in Vegas I was feeling yuck and out-of-state, and he grabs me, points to a girl, and says, “Go up and yell, ‘Oy! Oy! Oy! I’m from Australia!’ ” My vibe and energy instantly hooked her. Boom. That’s Natural Game, in my book. I ended up pulling another girl -- a young Julianne Moore with hipster tattoos. Awesome.

Anyway, I called Owen before Night One to ask his advice about how to structure the 30-Day Challenge. He stressed the importance of routine, good sleep, eating well, and keeping the booze to a minimum. I asked for an anti-stifling technique for between approaches, which is when I get stuck in my head. “Actually, when I’m out, my goal is to never be out of set for more 30 seconds.” Whoa! I’m not ready for that, but maybe I will be by month’s end.

Onto the field report. Here’s my rating system for girls, which I basically stole from Alex, with my own tweaks. It’s a HB scale of * to ***** and based solely on looks.

*: Fatties, first cousins, and dudes. Thanks, but no thanks.
**: Plain Janes. Good for chatting and social-calibration but I’m not pulling.
***: Cute, if not smokin' hot. Worth pulling. They pass this simple test: “If she was naked in my bed, would that be a good thing?”
****: Your basic hottie. For me, a Jennifer Aniston-type. But to each his own.
*****: The turbos. Your Minka Kellys and Scarlet Johanssons and Jessica Rabbits. Girls who are so hot, it almost makes you angry.

APPROACH NO. 1
My three buddies and I hit a dark, cavernous bar in the East Village. I was in a yuck state, not having cold-approached in a month. I put off approaching for a while, and it only got worse. Procrastination is one of the world’s great evils, right up there with Kim Jong Il, BP, and country music. I finally said, “Fuck it!” and approached a **** brunette with dark skin and a slender body. “Hey, what’s up? I’m NAME. I had to say hi.” “Hi, I’m Janelle.” Super cute. I love verbal game. It pumps my state. “You’re cute but way too tan for me,” I told her. “I need a girl who’s as pale as me, so we can have invisible kids.” She laughed. She touched my arm. Very receptive. I used tattoos on her arms and shoulders as reason to touch. A beefy, thick-necked chode in a short-sleeve plaid shirt moved in. “Hey, you hittin’ on my girlfriend?” She whispered, “He’s not my boyfriend. I just met him.” We chatted for about five minutes. I ejected because my friends wanted to hit another spot. I hadn’t shown enough intent to get her number, or so I told myself. Maybe a minor puss-out, but it felt great to get back in the game and begin my 30-Day Challenge.
LESSONS
Ignore so-called “boyfriends” until the girl confirms it. Often, they’re just insecure chodes tooling you. I welcome that kind of reaction, because it lowers his value in her eyes, making him seem insecure. In retrospect, I should have pulled her over to the bar and isolated her, but I just hadn’t worked up the balls to do that yet at that point in the evening. Still, I approached feeling very out of state and I walked away with a great, in-state buzz. Maybe Owen’s right. Maybe it’s EASIER to always be in-set, because that’s where you find state/presence.

APPROACH NO.S 2-4
Nothing memorable. I chatted up a couple of *** girls, just being friendly and a little flirty. I kept hearing Alex’s voice from my Geneva boot-camp: “Use the first half of the night to get socially calibrated.” I also battled chodely thoughts that sprang up like evil spirits. At one point, I saw a tall, handsome guy doing well with a **** girl and heard that little voice say, “You’re not as good-looking or as cool as him.” Man, it’s amazing how those limiting thoughts sprout like weeds. In “Nine Ball,” Jeffy writes about having to constantly monitor against those thoughts. I guess that’s 20 years of chodely existence rearing its head.
LESSONS
Not every set has to lead to a massive make-out. It’s OK just to chat, have fun, tease, flirt, and offer value to others. Also, here’s a potent mantra when those limiting beliefs creep in, straight from Alex: “You are enough.”

APPROACH NO. 5
On the dance floor at a NYC bar called Pianos, I approached a cute, tiny Israeli girl named May. I simply waved at her and said, “Hey! Come here.” A *** girl. I dig short girls, and May is barely 5-feet, if that. We danced, I grabbed her hand (I heard Brad’s voice from one of my many boot-camps: “Lead, lead, lead!”) and led her to the couch. We thumb-wrestled. I smelled her neck. I did the claw, which Ozzie explains in his book “The Physical Game.” She’s 22, and I’m 39, so she gave me a couple of congruence tests about my being too old for her. I told her, “You’re just jealous that I look younger than you.” She laughed. Make-out. She was mine for the night. We left the club, grabbed pizza with her two friends, but logistics were a problem for a pull. She had to take her friend home. I could have tried harder to pull, but I simply didn’t want to jump through a lot of hoops for a *** girl, sweet as she was. We said good night.
LESSONS/THOUGHTS
Look for congruence tests as opportunities. Again, I quote Alex: “It’s not what you do. It’s what you deal with.”

SPECIAL MISSION
Each day, I’m giving myself one fear-blasting mission. So last night I decided to tell EVERY girl how old I am, to prove that age doesn’t matter. Since I’m 39, and older than most guys in clubs, I used to think younger girls wouldn’t be into me, and would think of me as “the creepy old guy.” Last night, I told every girl my age, and even opened with it: “Hey, didn’t I used to babysit you?” Ha. I have a whole baby-sitting routine now: “Aww, you were SO cute when you were 5. You NEVER went to bed when I told you to. I hope that doesn’t happen tonight.” That’s self-amusing and cheeky as hell. This year, I’ve had success with girls as young as 21. I try to look at the age issue as an opportunity to pass congruence tests, which only creates more attraction.

WRAP-UP
So, one day down, 29 to go! A solid start: I made out with a cute Kewpie doll of a girl, approached several more, and chipped away at a limiting belief about being too old to pimp. I have a long way to go --I need to step up to those **** and ***** girls, to start -- but I’ll take it. I’ll end this post with a killer quote from Albert Camus, who could have been referring to the highs and lows of Natural Game pickup when he wrote:

“There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night. In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”

An invincible summer. What a phrase. I don’t know about you, but it’s getting cold here in NYC. Wherever you are, good luck in finding your invincible summer.
__________________
 "A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for." --Grace Murray Hooper
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#3
Paris Boum Boum

Paris Boum Boum

Trusted Member

Join Date: 04/02/2009 | Posts: 3503

Cool posts. 
Welcome to Adventure Land.
Keep it up. 
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#4
Roark101

Roark101

Senior Member

Join Date: 11/19/2010 | Posts: 99

DAY 2 FIELD REPORT
Welcome back. I'll make this one quick n dirty because a) I'm pretty knackered from going out two LONG NYC nights in a row; b) I gotta go dip my toe in the Day Game Pool.
 
Last night, I went out for the Day 2 of my 30-Day Natural Game Challenge. A quick refresher, for those who have not read my first post. Me: 39, cool dood, recovering chode of 20 long, largely date-free years. I have solid verbal game but with an ongoing fear/anxiety about approaches. I have a TON of theoretical RSD/Nat Game knowledge, thanks to multiple boot-camps and Hot Seats, but I've lacked the motivation to go out enough and employ it. If I could get out of my own way, I have huge potential (or "yuge," as we say in NYC). It's like the line in "Swingers": I'm so money and I don't even know it! Well, at least I KNOW I don't know it, so that's a start. I have two decades of limiting beliefs/social conditioning to hack away at. So I'm going out for a month straight -- three solid approaches per day, minimum -- to "Take an ice axe to the frozen sea within," as Kafka wrote. (That's right, yo. I just dropped Vince Vaugn AND Kafka on yo' asses. Bringin' Da References!)

Last night, I did all my approaches -- just three -- at a buzzing, fun-as-shit club in NYC's Meatpacking District. It's called Griffin. Great vibe. Big chandeliers. Lots of couches. Victoria Secret-caliber go-go dancers. My buddy, who I'll call Adam, was with me. Here's wha happah:

APPROACH NO. 1 
I saw a **** girl and her ** friend (see previous post for my ***** rating system). I went in, with nothing in my mind. "Hey, I'm blah blah, nice to meet you." They were both as chilly as a Snoopy Sno-Cone. The hottie actually turned her back to me, which pissed me off a bit, because, come on, be a PERSON at least. Not cool. The not-hottie was a BIT more personable. I heard Ozzie's voice from my London boot-camp (HIGHLY recommended, by the way): "Just do two minutes. Two minutes is your yardstick of success." So I stuck in, asking chode questions to make my mark. The Not Hottie asnwered in short, brusque sentences. "No, I'm not from New York... yes, nice place." They're Brazillian girls. Looooong silence. I finally said, "I'm standing here for two minutes whether you talk to me or not..." though I said it with a smile. More blah blah blah. Finally... DING!... the 2-minute timer went off and I excused myself. "Nice to meet you," I said to the civil one. The **** girl finally turned around. I said, "Hey, nice meeting your shoulder blades." Kinda dickish? Maybe. But I believe in being cool to people, and she was rude. That's not for me, I don't care what you look like.
LESSON
Some people are just unfriendly/unreceptive. Don't take it personally. Just stick for two minutes and move on.

APPROACH NO. 2
Next, my buddy Adam and I played the 30-Second Game, with a monetary twist. Works like so: Count down from 30, and you must approach before your buddy reaches 1. But not only can you slug the other guy in the arm if he wusses out, but the coward must also fork over $20 right then and there. Youch. Said fear of humiliation, broken blood-vessels and cold, hard Andrew Jacksons is sufficient motivation to approach. "Go!" he said. "Thirty, 29, 28..."

I found a 3-set: a **** African-American girl (think young Lisa Bonet), some dude, and a lanky *** girl. I said hi to all, then focused on Young Lisa Bonet: "I want to be your sugar daddy." Her: "Oh really?" Me: "Well, I'm not rich, I can be your Splenda daddy." Ha! I crack me up. She giggled: "Wow, I've never heard of that." But I could tell she was more entertained than attracted. The dude moved in and put his arm around her back. Pretty sure they were BF and GF. OK, no problem. I chatted a bit with the *** and went back to my buddy.
LESSON
The 30-Second Game (with the $20 penalty fee) is potent. In my experience, it's about as close to simulating the urgency of boot-camp as you can get. Talking to strangers can seem weird at first, but it's better than getting poor and pummeled.

APPROACH NO. 3
To keep things fun, I told my friend Adam, "OK, boot-camp style. Send me into to ANY set you want, tell me what to say, and I'll do it." He scans the room and points to a ***** stunner in a welded-on black dress, gyrating atop a set of couches, on a raised platform, with five other girls. ALL girls. All hot girls. No guys allowed on the couch-top dance floor. I'm talking 5-feet above the floor. Adam: "That's her! Go. Climb up there and tell her, 'I'm a 40-year-old virgin." I thought he was crazy. Me: "What?! I can't dance. And you want me climb up THERE? I'll fall and kill myself!" Adam: "Come on. You can doooooo eeeeeeet!!! And look at that ass. She's gorgeous." He had a point. She was. I was super shy in my teens and 20s. I basically stayed in and read a lot. But I've gotten more outgoing in my 30s. So I thought, WTF! I take a gulp of Amstel Light (though I was quite sober), knowing that the longer I wait, the more chodely I become. "OK, hold my beer." I march over to the couch, with Owen's former mantra ringing in my mind ("I don't care, and it doesn't matter.") I jumped on the couch and reached the elevated dance-floor where my ***** babe awaited. I didn't know what to do. So I Robot Danced, because a) I'm a child of the 80s, and b) I can't dance, and c) It cracks me up. Me: robot dance, robot dance. Her: Ummm, OK. Me: "Hi, I'm NAME. I had to meet you and tell you that I'm a 40-year-old virgin." Her: "I'm sorry to hear that." Me: "It's not easy. I take out my frustrations with interpretive dance..." Her: nothing. Come on! This is funny shit!

Tap, tap.

Just then, I feel a hand on my ankle. A Sherman Tank in a three-piece suit -- the bouncer -- says, "Down, now. Girls only." Whoops. Me, to hottie: "Nice meeting you," I shake her hand, and hop down. In his defense, the bouncer was totally cool, not a dick at all. Adam walks up to me: "Nice! The important thing is, you took the risk." I felt great, and I was laughing hysterically. It was the ballsiest thing I'd done since my London boot-camp, when Ozzie had me stand atop a stone monument in Leicester Square and give an impromptu public speech to passersby, pretending I'm the President of the World. The idea is to get yourself comfortable doing things that seem ... wrong -- like approaching mega-hot girls, or public speaking.
LESSON
Get out of your comfort zone! Lean into your fear. That's how you grow. It's hard on your own, at least for me. But Adam had my back. I remember something Jeffy said. "In this game, you have to play to win, not NOT to lose." Put another way, the size of your success is directly in proportion to the size of your balls. I'm learning that, though sloooooooowly. I left the club to meet up with a girl from the night before. But she flaked. Ahh well. That's the game.

DEEP THOUGHTS...
It's funny. People think pickup is inherently egotistical and selfish, not to mention sleazy, bottom-feeding, and dishonest. That may be true of many dating companies and peacocking pickup artists. But with Natural Game, as RSD teaches, I see it as the opposite. It's about honesty, integrity, and GIVING value. It's about taking action, acting with honor, living a life of adventure. It's like the Boy Scouts, but instead of getting merit badges, you get laid.

I'll end with a quote from Walt Whitman. In "Song of Myself," Whitman wrote, "I celebrate myself and sing myself,/ And what I assume, you shall assume." Think about that. THAT is Natural Game. Not an ego-based existence but a celebration and expression of YOU. Natural Game is a gesture of humility, not egotism. An egotist sees himself as above others. Whitman wanted to MERGE his self and his soul with humanity, and RSD teaches the same inter-connectedness. That's what I love about what RSD teaches: How to get in touch with a higher, humbler, more connected self. 

Plus, you get laid.  

OK, I'm gonna go do some tired, hungover Day Game, which -- full disclosure -- freaks me out a bit. I'm just not used to it. "That just means you're mentally healthy," Owen told me. You know who DOESN'T get nervous about approaching strangers? Subway psychos who whip out their junk. I'm hard on me. In the past, I've fucking flagellated myself -- think Silas, the self-abusing albino monk in "The Da Vinci Code" -- for wussing out and being so nervous about approaching. Turns out, those feelings just mean I'm healthy.

Besides... compared to climbing on couches and robot-dancing with HB's, I can handle some friendly Barnes & Noble chit-chat.

See you next time.
__________________
 "A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for." --Grace Murray Hooper
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#5
Roark101

Roark101

Senior Member

Join Date: 11/19/2010 | Posts: 99

Oh, and thanks for the comments, fellas. I appreciate it. Just knowing you're reading this is keeping me honest and keeping me motivated to go out.
__________________
 "A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for." --Grace Murray Hooper
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#6
Roark101

Roark101

Senior Member

Join Date: 11/19/2010 | Posts: 99

Ha! Thanks, Dave7. It's kind of a cool feeling, getting a chip on your shoulder when people treat you poorly. I forget who said it, but someone in the RSD world said, "My attitude approaching is that I have a $10,000 check made out to cash" -- that is, your value as a person -- "and if she doesn't want to cash it, SHE's the one with issues."
I'm off to Barnes & Noble. Day Game. I'm gonna start with your straight up, "Just wanted to meet you..." So simple.
Poice!!
 
__________________
 "A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for." --Grace Murray Hooper
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#7
li0n

li0n

Member

Join Date: 11/12/2010 | Posts: 49

Dude.  Your writing style and voice resonate SO MUCH with me.  DO NOT STOP THE MADNESS.

I think I have to do this :)
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#8
Roark101

Roark101

Senior Member

Join Date: 11/19/2010 | Posts: 99

DAY 3 FIELD REPORT
First off, thanks, li0n, for the above comment. Writing about this stuff is almost as fun as "reporting" it. I will NOT stop the madness.

I wish I had something better to report about my half-assed Sunday afternoon Day Game effort. I hit up Barnes & Noble here in NYC and talked to three resonably cute girls. In my last post, I mentioned how success is in proportion to the size of your testicles. Well, today my balls barely even dropped. Mini Me had bigger balls than me. I had to drag myself out of my apartment, and my interactions were low energy. If "She feels what you feel" is true, then what SHE was feeling was, "Man, I'd rather be home watching football." Hardly a recipe for attraction. I was just going through the motions to fulfill the day's mission. Had an OK interaction with a British girl, brunette, ponytail, who was sitting in the poetry section: Me: "Hey, excuse me. I'm trying to get into poetry. What do you recommend?" Her: "I'm not the into poetry." Me: "Oh, yeah, I'm getting into it. Wait. Don't all girls HAVE to like it? Isn't that a girl prerequisite?" Her: "I guess I missed that class." A bit more chit-chat, and I ejected. I repeated a similar patter with two more girls. A Frenchie was cute and sweet, but I simply lacked the energy to push things beyond a couple friendly minutes. 

BIG PICTURE STUFF 
I still deal with "approach anxiety," for lack of a better term. It's not that I get knee-knockingly nervous, with heart-pounding and palm-sweating. It's more like I'm breaking a rule etched on the tablet of my unconsious mind: You can't talk to cute girls you don't know. So when I walk up to those first few sets -- especially during the day -- I feel... wrong. I feel... hot. Literally. Like like I'm under heat lamp. I'm a 2-hour-old Big Mac. I know this is ALL in my head. As Ozzie points out in his BC, you have to ride that "fear hump," and it gets better the longer into the conversation you go. This sticking point makes sense, actually. I think it's a combo of inexperience (I've done VERY little day-gaming), social conditioning, and white-marble limiting beliefs from my dateless youth that, though weakened with age, still stand -- like Roman ruins. 

Shakespeare said, "There is no good or bad, but thinking makes it so." He was a smart mo-fo. It's ALL between the ears.

Anyway, after days like this, I used to beat myself up bad, like Edward Norton in his boss' office in "Fight Club." But hey, even the best in this game feel that little twinge when approaching. Brad told me that he still gets a little weirded out by those first approaches, and this from a guy who went out 1,000 days (!!) over the course of three years. Damn. Time to forgive myself for being human and emotionally healthy.

BIG-SCREEN ROLE MODELS
Oh! Lately I've been watching TV/movies and noticing characters who are archetypal naturals. Total lady killers, with things to teach. Two jump out at me. Hank Moody on "Californication" spits the most amazing verbal game known to man. Very Jeffy-esque. And just a fucking awesome show. Watching a few episodes helps get me into that fun, confident, women-loving vibe. Hell, I stole my Robot Dance from Hank, season one. (As my friend Adam noted, watch how Hank NEVER loses his cool with women. Completely unreactive. Inspiring.) Also, Jason Segel in "I Love You, Man." Bullet-proof game. He's direct, goofy, funny, knows who he is, and dresses expressively (right down to the scarfs). Basically, goes through life with a self-amusing, don't-give-a-shit-what-others-think attitude. 

Until next time... 
__________________
 "A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for." --Grace Murray Hooper
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#9
Roark101

Roark101

Senior Member

Join Date: 11/19/2010 | Posts: 99

It's illuminating being on the flip-side of the Game. To be opened by a girl. To feel strong intent from HER. It reminds you how potent these concepts are.

But I'll get to that in a minute. First, my Day Four report, which is brief.

I was gonna head out after work for a couple hours to do 3-5 sets, but I had to hop a flight for my job. Last-minute emergency. I literally had 30 minutes in JFK Airport to cram some game in before wheels up.  

Mini day-game breakthrough: Have a reason to talk to the girl. Going direct during the day makes me anxious, but having a normal reason to approach settles my nerves. The day before, I'd gone to a Barnes & Noble and very much got in my own head. Why? I was GOING OUT TO APPROACH. And that created extra pressure/anxiety/resistence. Like going to the gym when you SO don't want to. But for Day Four, my airport approaches seemed more organic and situational. I saw a **** (out of 5) brunette in fishnets with her big, slobbery bulldog. They were sitting at a gate. It's her therapy dog, allowed to fly. Sure, she was hot (the girl, not the dog), but I was genuinely interested, too. Me: "Hey, I really want to steal your dog. I've wanted a bull dog for years. Her: "Oh, thanks, her name's yadda yadda..." Me: "More chit-chat..." Normal. Cool.

I'll spare the details, because my approaches were hardly memorable. I was fucking wiped, working an 18-hour day, and just wanted to hit my quota. But making my approaches a "normal" part of my day, and having a situational hook, helped diffuse the Day Game anxiety. LOW impact openers help me in DG. Me, to Italian Cougar at airport bar: "Hey, where you headed?" Nothing fancy. Chode, even. But it's starts things rolling. Within a couple minutes, we were talking about our dream vacations. I want to become unapologetic. To show SERIOUS intent. But I have to small-chunk some of this stuff.

Another great lesson I remind myself over and over: The opening line is ALMOST meaningless. It's your vibe and overall calibration that matter. I was recently opened by a cute, hippie-type girl on the NYC subway. It happened so fast, I didn't realize the pickup tabled had turned. She opened me with, "Hey, did you hear the conductor's voice? He has a Jamaican accent." I was like, "Oh, OK. Cool..." And we had a nice chat. I was NOT thinking, "LAME OPENER," because, let's be honest, that's pretty chode. I was only thinking, "Hey, cute hippie girl is talking to me. This, I like!"

THE RULE OF ONE-THIRD
I'll share an "Aha!" moment from earlier this year, since I'm running low on new stories. I went to the NYC Free Tour. There, Owen shared his Rule of One-Third, which is liberating. He says: When you get good at approaching, about one-third of the girls will love you, one-third will be neutral/open to you, and one-third will have NO interest/want you to fuck off. I'd never heard it broken down like that before. Simple math. God knows why (reading "The Game," maybe?), but I felt like every woman I approached had to give me validation or attraction or else I was doing something wrong. Which is insane, of course. No guy can get ANY girl. That's a myth. Knowing that at LEAST a third of the women (likely many more) won't be into me -- because they have boyfriends, husbands, don't like my "type," whatever -- is wonderfully freeing.  

Still, it's one thing to hear this in a seminar, another to see it in-field. Two nights after the Free Tour, I'm in a great state, LATE on a Saturday night. I approach three 20-something NYU students, all friends, sitting at a bar. My opener: "Hi, I'm NAME. You guys look friendly. Are you friendly?" The ** girl on the right folds her arms and huffs, "I am NOT friendly." And she meant it. Ohhhhh-kay. Appreciate the honesty. (One-third, fuck off). The  *** girl is drunk and kinda loopy: "Yeah, we're friendly, whatever, woooo!" (One-third, neutral.) The **** blonde in the middle makes DEAD eye contact with me -- man, talk about intent -- and says, "YOU are cute." Boom! I went right to her. (One-third, loves me.) The Rule of One-Third, in action.

And the WAY she looked at me with full intent? It was fucking hot. I felt what she felt. State transfer.

Eye-opening to be on the other end of the Game... 
__________________
 "A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for." --Grace Murray Hooper
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#10
Roark101

Roark101

Senior Member

Join Date: 11/19/2010 | Posts: 99

I'm very proud of this "approach," and it has nothing to do with women: 

I just asked my boss for a raise and a new title. It had been bothering me for a while. I do really good work for my company. I bust my ass. And, just as I've struggled with self-belief in the arena of dating, just as I've played NOT to win with women (to paraphrase Jeffy), I've played it safe with my job, too. The economy is as limp as Hugh Hefner without his blue pills, so it's easy to say, "I don't want to rock the boat. I'm just happy to have a job." But why can't I be thankful for my job and still ask for more? So I asked my boss for a meeting to ask for more money and a new title.
 
I'm lucky, because I have a VERY cool boss who likes my work and is, in many ways, my champion. But still, belts are tight, and no raises have come in a few years. Yet I know for a fact that the value I offer my company far outweighs what they pay me. So I used several ideas/concepts that I've gleaned from RSD to ask for more. It "works" on girls. What about my boss?

I was nervous as I slid into the chair across from his desk. This isn't some skirt in a club. He can fire my ass on a whim, if he wants. My heart pounded hard. I accepted it. Resistance is futile! I heard Ozzie's Cuban accent encouraging me, just as he did on boot-camp: "Get through the first two minutes, and you'll get more comfortable." It's true. My nerves settled, and I made my pitch, explaining all the value I bring the company and I how I want to offer even more. All the while, I stayed VERY positive and upbeat. No negativity or ultimatums, which is an easy way to the unemployment line. That's right out of Alex's playbook; he preaches the Gospel of being "positive-dominant," which is my new religion, in AND out of clubs and bars. I talked. He talked. I listened. My boss was impressed that I stepping up, and added, yeah, I can get you more money. You deserve it. As for the new title, I have to "approach" an even bigger boss and jump through some hoops, so I'll give it my best. Take right action. Hey, if you don't try, you'll never know. 

This all goes back to something Ryan said on my very first boot-camp. A girl was giving me a MAJOR test on a NYC rooftop bar, and I didn't know what to do. "What do you WANT to do?" Ryan asked me. "Assert your ideal reality." In other words, size up a situation -- with your job, a girl, whatever -- and assert your ideal reality in every way that you can control, without being attached to the result.

Obviously, RSD's concepts and ideas are killer material for success with women. But the free prize inside the cereal box is that you also have an elegant philosophy by which to live. I'm learning that natural pickup is like life: It takes presence, positivity, courage, clarity, action and freedom from outcome. 

I love -- make that LOOOOOOOOOVE -- women. Their lips, their hips, their laugh, their smell. Last night, I could NOT take stop leering at a young-Cameron-Diaz looking bartender. But pickup is about much more than getting girls. To get good at pickup is to get good at life.
__________________
 "A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for." --Grace Murray Hooper
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