THE FORUMS

December 10th, 2016
ME-VS-ME JOURNAL TO BEING ME
Your rating: None Average: 5 (8 votes)
Bookmark and Share
Me-vs-Me

Me-vs-Me

Trusted Member

Join Date: 05/18/2010 | Posts: 1368

Hey all, I'm not dead.. my account was banned and it took some time to get it back. My post count is -2 now also for some reason.. :D
__________________
My Field Reports Thread Me-vs-Me - New Hope
Let Go!
Focus On Success!
Login or register to post.
Fabrice X

Fabrice X

Member

Join Date: 01/02/2014 | Posts: 30

Nice diary !
__________________
My blog => Diary of a french PUA | May the God of the Game be with you !
Login or register to post.
dave7-

dave7-

Trusted Member

Join Date: 05/14/2012 | Posts: 4297

Why did you get banned??
__________________
Login or register to post.
Me-vs-Me

Me-vs-Me

Trusted Member

Join Date: 05/18/2010 | Posts: 1368

I wanted to try affiliate marketing and put a link in my siganture to my site.. so i got banned - RSD does not fck around with that, insta ban, no emails and ip blocked.
__________________
My Field Reports Thread Me-vs-Me - New Hope
Let Go!
Focus On Success!
Login or register to post.
Me-vs-Me

Me-vs-Me

Trusted Member

Join Date: 05/18/2010 | Posts: 1368

Well, here we are, it's 2014 and as hard as it is to believe it, I am still in RSD nation and thinking about becoming good with women and mentally free. I started this thread 3 years and 1 month ago. I started pick-up 5 years and 7 months ago. As it was told like couple of months ago - I can't actually quit this journal-journey unless I have an amnesia or something like that. I kinda feel I don't have any point in doing any promises here because thus far I have broken them all. What I DO want to say is that 2013 can not happen ever again - in the sence that I don't want to ever waste a whole year from my life like I did in 2013. I achieved NOTHING last year. The best thing that was going for me was that I was consistent with my gym for 7 months.. and then I quit because my body was hurting too much and I saw almost no improvement even though I went to the gym religiously and counted my calories to the T every single day. But enough about the past. 

2014

What are my goals for 2014.. It's funny to write them here as I have done it before and I understand if nobody will believe them or want to read them - I have failed my friends and myself here too many times - you are all my friends who have taken time to comment my thread and motivate me. If I DO happen to succeed then it will be the most epic thread ever showing the struggles of a hardcase for over 3 years minimum, so that's the cool side of the coin I think :)

I want to finally earn enough from internet marketing to move out from my parents house to live on my own. It's a thing I have wanted for over a year and there are several reasons for it but the biggest of it would be the feeling of self-pride of being able to be the boss of my own life.

My second goal would be related to social dynamics as you might guess. I don't have that clear goal for it as there is no point in setting some goal if I don't even approach girls. So, I think THAT would be my goal - to start CONSISTENTLY approaching girls. This first, little step would be HUGE for me, life altering as it would mean that I have actually made some progress. I am so sick and tired of just getting older and stagnating. 

So, what am I going to change that this plan would work?

I try my best to go to sleep between 2-3 AM so I can wake up 10 AM in the morning and work from 11 AM to 6 PM, in the meantime I will take the occasional shit in toilet and eat lunch and make tea - no shitting and eating shall take place at the same time though.. I hope :D

Regarding pick-up. I will try my best to go out on Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays and maybe on Thursdays if there are people. On some year there are a lot of people out on Wednesdays, on some year on Thursdays so I don't know which it will be in 2014.

In order to get me approaching I am trying my best to stop any negative thinking when I catch it, try to see what I can win from doing things. I will repeat affirmations before going out and put a big emphasis on valuing and accepting myself as I am. When I come home I will only write down the things that went well and what I learned I need to focus on. BTW - it will ALL be sober.

These goals seem hard in some way and very easy in other way. I believe that with continual respecting of the plan, 2014 will be a good year.

03/01/2014

It was the first time for over a long time when I went out sober with my pu friend. I don't like the name pu friend but I want to distinguish him from my other friends in the journal. So what happened? I was sober, drank two glasses of orange juice, so was he. When I was walking to town I was trying to boost myself up, I was repeating myself that it's ok to be goofy, it's ok to be me, I don't need to be like others for enjoy life - life has so much more to offer me when I am being myself. This did lighten my mood up a bit.

We went to a pub and I had a quite enjoyable conversation with the barmaid for my standards. Then we sad down with my friend and we talked about stuff, about social dynamics and about embarrassing things from out lives. I was feeling quite good the whole time, not 100% free but 70%.

After that we went to the club. It was horrible in the club but we stayed for a while. Two girls came and asked us dancing. One of the girl was busy getting her hands on my friend -  seemed like she wanted him bad. I danced with her friend who was not that interested in me. I felt quite akward at first and I thought that if I am feeling akward then I might as well make it even more akward to try to loosen myself up. I started doing superweird dance moves.. after which the girl left. I don't know if it was because of me or because she disliked to music, my friend told that she left because of the song. After some time the other girl also left and me and my friend went off the dance floor. We were standing next to the bar but did not approch anybody.

After that we went to another bar-club. I was feeling really out of it then and my friend got together with a girl who he is hooking up with. After some time I left because I was feeling really unconfident and uncomfortably.

Good stuff: I talked to the bar girl a bit more than the usual thanks, I was feeling good in the first half of the night, I tried to loosen myself by doing really akward dance moves in the club.
Things to focus on: think of the things that might happen that are good when I go approach a girl, think with the cup full, affirmations, overall positivism, get excited for the idea of going out - it is a fun thing to enjoy and not a horrible thing to be afraid of.
__________________
My Field Reports Thread Me-vs-Me - New Hope
Let Go!
Focus On Success!
Login or register to post.
dave7-

dave7-

Trusted Member

Join Date: 05/14/2012 | Posts: 4297

If you want to start approaching girls consistently, just make your goal one approach a day on a female. 

Now you're prob coming up with excuses as to why you can't/won't do that. Either because it's too hard or it's too easy. 

Ignore those excuses and just do one a day. 
__________________
Login or register to post.
Me-vs-Me

Me-vs-Me

Trusted Member

Join Date: 05/18/2010 | Posts: 1368

Thank you for your advice dave :)

04/01/2014

I went out with my pu friend again. On the way to downtown and before going out at home I was imaginating on how to approch girls and how it would turn out well and what I would feel like doing it. I was trying to only think about how everything goes well and I was singing a song that was upbeat. It did help me be in a better mood that I usually would be when going out sober, when the weather is shit.

We went to a pub and accidentally his friends were there, two guys and one girl with whom I had talked to before about a month ago. I was feeling nervous a bit and I started the self-amusement. Today the whole theme was that I was self-amusing but still caring a little. A lot more free than usually but still caring. 
I wanted to buy a juice and cracked one joke with the barmaid that was successful. Then some dude said hi to me and we talked a lot, in the end of the conversation I finally recognized who he was. Then I went back to my friend and his friends. I was trying to crack jokes all the time. I was trying to do it as self-amusement but I was nervous at the same time, I had to stand while they were sitting and I had no wall to lean onto also. Also, when we arrived at the bar one girl with really big and pretty eyes was checking me out multiple times. She also had a pretty friend also. They were sitting at the table with some guy but the dude soon left and they were just bored typing with their phones. I regret that I did not go and say hi, I should have done that. 

After leaving the pub I, my pu friend and his friends went to another bar where I ordered a drink and also cracked one joke. The most beautiful girl in the town sat next to me (I have talked about her here before). She kinda looked at my way and I thought it was a warm and good half-look :D OMG, I am writing so mickey mouse things here but I am doing it so I can get reference exp of good thing out of my night, every bit is important. Me and the friend sat down the table and I was trying to self-amuse again. Most of the time everybody laughed but I felt still nervous, not completely free and a bit like: ok, I'm gonna say this because it's funny and a lot of times: I want to self-amuse, is this funny enough? I don't know but I'm gonna say it. 

After some time I left the pub and went to another pub alone. I asked one guy and a girl who were near the tablefootball game if they plan to play it. The girl answered in a way that no and I can go and play.. I just was like, no.. and left. :D

On the street I saw a new place and I asked from the people standing next to it if it's a new place. They told yea and explained how this place looks like. Then I went home.

Good Stuff: I had a semi-confident, semi-good mood today, better than yesterday. I was not really confident and my self-amusement was a bit weird even for my own standards (I added a lot of deliberate akwardness) but I still pushed it and tried to self-amuse myself the whole night, people laughted often. One girl with beautiful eyes had eye-contact with me many times. I asked two groups one question.

Things to focus on: ask myself: how can I make this fun? find a reason why just going talking is as good as asking a question for something (because I am just awesome). Self-amusement is a way to amuse yourself, not a way to get other like you or laugh at your jokes. Self-amusement is for me only.
__________________
My Field Reports Thread Me-vs-Me - New Hope
Let Go!
Focus On Success!
Login or register to post.

GeorgeClooney

Member

Join Date: 01/05/2014 | Posts: 72

awesome FRs
Login or register to post.
Me-vs-Me

Me-vs-Me

Trusted Member

Join Date: 05/18/2010 | Posts: 1368

8/01/2014

I went out sober to meet my friends. They were sitting around a table and my friend had a hot female friend with her. I did not do anyhting because my mind was blank and the only thing running through my head was how to not make myself chase her so I did not talk to her almost at all. :D Another thing to learn, another thing to work on. 

12/01/2014

I went to a b-day party. I drank. I talked to almost all the guys there but only to 1 of my female friends. There were 3 really pretty girls there but they had like 0 interest in me.. After we went to a club-bar where I met with my pu friend and we danced and stuff, I did not talk to any girls if I remember. 

Good stuff: I was sober on wednesday, I talked something with one of the girls while going to the club-bar..so that's something.
Things to focus on: everything works, do not be afraid to ask questions and be boring in order to get the girl talking, I really got to talk to girls, whatever the results are, I can accept failing but I can't accept not trying. Nobody gives a shit.
__________________
My Field Reports Thread Me-vs-Me - New Hope
Let Go!
Focus On Success!
Login or register to post.
Me-vs-Me

Me-vs-Me

Trusted Member

Join Date: 05/18/2010 | Posts: 1368

15/01/2014

Today I went to my friends place (he is visiting his home from Italy where he is working). It was actually a really good evening in the sence that I felt normal. I haven't felt that a long time, I was pretty much sober (6 cl of vodka but they didn't do much). There were around 6-7 of us, they are all my friends but as my self-trust is/has been so fucked up, I don't feel enough even around my friends and don't feel comfortable. Today I was feeling good, not having a need to do something and at the same time participating and feeling adequate. I managed to talk to one of my friends gf totally normally, so that was also nice. What gave me this good mood and feeling of being enough? I am not quite sure but I think it could have been that I was thinking that I am so sick and tired of trying to be something and do something.. and thinking about what is normal, what is me, what others think of me, what is allowed etc.. I just though.. fuck it, when I want to do something then I will just do it, I don't care if it's allowed or not. What is "allowed" anyways, there is a law and then there are some bullshit my own concept of what society thinks is allowed and what is not, and then there are some bullshit fears and bullshit this and just.. bullshit everywhere. I can't carry that much shit with me. So, yea, will see what happens :)
__________________
My Field Reports Thread Me-vs-Me - New Hope
Let Go!
Focus On Success!
Login or register to post.