November 21st, 2018
Sexual Guilt and Performance Anxiety (Advanced / Mature / Explicit)
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Senior Member

Join Date: 01/01/2010 | Posts: 153

 The purpose of this post is to help undo two of the greatest 
sources of men's suffering in the context of dating, relationships,
and sexuality. It is intended for spiritually-oriented persons only.

This was originally intended for my own (non-RSD) audience,
but a number of you have asked for this information specifically
in various "forum inbox" requests on the sidelines, and since 
this kind of information is difficult to come by and has the potential
to relieve a lot of suffering, I figured, "Why not." So here it is.


Today's blog post is explicit and intended for mature/integrous adults only.
It is not for the spiritually timid, in that we will be looking at the core of the
ego's function during sex. The reader should be forewarned that unless
they already understand what the ego is, how it arose, and that the ego is
impersonal (it is not who you are), this post could potentially be upsetting.


"I truly want love in my life, and part of that is
to love women, to become a great lover, in the bedroom.
Women want a great lover, and I want to become that. I have
some questions about sexual intimacy:

Do women want a man who can do all sorts of positions? Is
this stuff important to focus on learning? Do they want a
man who is 'loving' and soft? Or do they prefer a guy who
is connected to his animal nature? Do they want all of
these things? I sensed this girl wanted the more
'animal nature' stuff, so that's what I went with.
What's the difference between sex with an integrous woman
and sex with a non-integrous woman? Is there discernment
we can get out of noticing what she's like and what she
likes in the bedroom?

So, the issues, I feel I know where they stem from. I've
got unconscious guilt and loads of desire from the days when
I was learning from the community, where I filled up with
pride. I remember one of the girls I slept with when I was
learning that stuff, and it was awful. I was shaky, sweaty
and couldn't maintain an erection at all. It was horrible.

I've prayed over the past few weeks for this unconscious
guilt to come up, to forgive myself for having the wrong
intention in those days. There have been tears, and I've
felt some healing in that respect. I feel that the issues
come from a long time of having the wrong intention with
women? What's the truth of this?

It's amazing, because, I saw that when I was focused on
innocence and beingness, everything was great, and as soon
as I identified with these thoughts, everything completely
changed. Should I just keep focusing on Love,
and gaining experience? Would you expect this stuff to heal
over time and with practice, by focusing on Love,
beingness and learning to relax more and more around women?


For handling performance anxiety, first of all, don't resist it when it comes up.
If you resist it, all you end up with is an inner war and a flaccid cock. You have
to learn that it's OK to have performance anxiety, and it's OK to stop the sex and
just exist together if you're not feeling 100% comfortable. You're a human being,
and all humans experience anxiety. It's part of the human condition.

The thing is to not view sex as a performance, which stems from the pride of the ego
wanting to show off that it's soooo great in bed. "Look how desirable I am!"

Instead, view sex as a mutual selfless service. You each take turns pleasuring each
other. It's a no-brainer. Sex is so easy that even dogs can manage it.

1. Go down on her, first.
2. She goes down on you, second.
3. F*ck. Enjoy 1, 2, or 3 positions at the very most. Don't overdo the gymnastics of
it because that can take away from the intimacy of it.
4. Decide where you want to cum.
5. Cum in or on the designated area. :)

That takes care of the doingness aspect of sex. It's really that simple, and
simplicity is best. Once you realize sex is simple, now the body stuff is no longer
a source of worry and you can work on making sure the physical stuff is balanced
with the intimacy stuff. Strike a 50-50 balance with intimacy and "animal lust."

Don't worry about how long you last. Even if you last only three minutes, what's
important is you balance the intimacy and lust. That said, try not to last longer
than 20 minutes because pussies are not meant to be plowed for much longer than that,
it hurts their skin if you last too long, plus it makes women worry that you don't
really want them or that they don't excite you enough to get you off.

If you're embarrassed that you only lasted two minutes, realize it's because your
woman excites you so much and that is a very good thing. Tell her this and she will
feel flattered that you "only lasted two minutes." Because this is the truth, it
is powerful and fulfilling. Sometimes you last longer than other times. So what?
The important thing is you're together, Existing.

Porn is misleading because it creates this illusion that "real men" can last up to
30 minutes or more. The main reason porn stars last so long is they are actually
anxious, self-conscious, and thus not fully present. Men who last long are not fully
present. Drugs are also frequently involved in porn.

Don't worry about the size of your cock. A woman's vagina is designed, via elasticity,
to surround and adapt to your cock. If she truly wants and loves you, she will adapt
to you sexually, and you will adapt to her. But if she's conflicted about being with,
as well as resistant to you for whatever reasons, even the porn star schlong won't
satisfy her. It's not about the size, it's about the bigness of your spirit as well as hers.
It's the quality of your intimacy that leads to quality sex, and not the other way around.

So the above should help take care of performance anxiety.


Sexual guilt is at the core of a wide plethora of common issues men have, ranging
from shyness or approach anxiety, to divorce, and to STD's. Guilt automatically seeks
to be punished. Since most men are actually carrying a lot of unconscious sexual
guilt within themselves, they are unconsciously seeking various forms of punishment,
such as attracting "bitchy" or "cheating" partners, socially engineering rejection during
the pickup phase, and much more.

Sexual Guilt stems from the belief that sexuality is merely a physical act. From the
viewpoint of the ego itself, sex really does seem to be a purely physical act, so the
ego cannot be blamed for its inability to comprehend Spiritual Reality.

The ego is also addicted to negativity for its own sake. Specifically, it is addicted to
the so-called "Seven Deadly Sins," such as pride, hatred, sloth, and so on. The only
way an ego can survive within yourself is by clinging to negativity itself. If all you do
is let go of negativity, the ego would come apart and dissolve, and the mind would
eventually become silent, i.e., the condition of Enlightenment. Thus, in a frantic effort
to avoid being dissolved by the silent field of consciousness (Divinity), the ego has a
vested interest in clinging to emotions such as guilt, shame, and hatred. Frequently,
people will actually choose to die rather than let go of, for example, a simple resentment.

Spiritual evolution is the product of letting go of negativity and choosing positivity. You
don't have to program positivity within yourself, all you need to do is let go of negativity.
Positivity (Love) then takes over from there, replacing negativity (non-love). The sun
shines forth when the clouds are removed.

One of the most profound sources of negativity within most humans is Sexual Guilt.
Perhaps the main reason so very few people ever learn how to let go of sexual guilt
is because looking at it directly in the face, so to speak, can be very painful. (It can
be downright excruciating.) The ego is not exactly a composition of our best qualities.

Before opening the "pandora's box" called Sexual Guilt, it's necessary to know that
the ego is not who you are in reality. If the ego was who you were, if your thoughts
were your true self, then obviously you would not be able to Witness or listen/see to
the activities going on within the mind. Something other than the ego has to be the
spectator. I call this aspect of consciousness the Silent Witness.

The ego is addicted to negativity, and it subtly infuses negative energy in most aspects
of daily life including sexuality. Specifically, it infuses the "Seven Deadly Sins" into
sexuality itself, and that is what leads to the accumulation of sexual guilt over great
expanses of time, i.e., over more than just one lifetime.

If porn were not infused with negative energy, no one would watch it. If porn were
based on innocent sexual lovingness and joy, the ego would find it boring. The way
I define "Lust" is that it is sex which has been influenced by or infused with negativity,
e.g., anger/hate, shame/degradation, laziness/carelessness/selfishness, etc. Thus,
it is not really sex that porn addicts are craving, it is actually negativity itself that their
ego craves. If all you could find on were clips of married saints making
innocent love, YouPorn would not be the #50 ranked site in the whole world. The ego
finds love boring, and actually it hates love because love is precisely what dissolves
the ego's delusion that it is sovereign, i.e., separate, plus the source of its own existence.

It's necessary to see that the ego is not who you are, and, from the higher contextual
viewpoint of consciousness/awareness itself, it's necessary to forgive the ego for it is
merely doing what it is supposed to do. The "Seven Deadly Sins" should not be seen
as "evil", they should be seen as animal. Emotions such as jealousy, possessiveness,
and hatred aren't really "evil", they are decidedly animal and therefore innately innocent
and easy to forgive on that basis.

I can remember -- quite vividly, in fact -- getting cheated on by a girlfriend when I was
about seventeen-years-old. We had some kind of petty argument, I forget what it was about.
Anyway, soon after, we were at this house party and I caught her cheating on me with some
"dude." I walked in on them during the act, but they didn't see me. I stood there, shocked,
hurt, jaw-dropped, and very upset, and I actually froze and just watched them "going at it"
while my eyes welled up with tears. After a minute or so, I "snapped out of it" and hastily
left the party. (I went home and cried myself to sleep.)

A few days later, I realized that the memory of seeing them both "going at it" not only
made me feel hurt and jealous, but it also made me feel very sexually aroused. I noted
that my mind had somehow tied the emotion of jealousy with 'horniness' itself. Frankly,
I found this quite disturbing. In those days, I didn't know that I had this "ego", and I didn't
know the ego has a vested interest in tying negativity & sexuality together, and how this
is precisely how the ego "gets off." I thought the ego was who I was, therefore, I thought
there must be something wrong with me. "It's not normal," I thought, "to get
ten-times-more-horny by thinking about painful, hurt-filled, negative memories. Why
am I actually deriving pleasure from this? What's the matter with me? Am I mentally ill?
It's not healthy to 'get off' from thoughts of jealousy."

It was extremely painful, and it led to the creation of loads of Sexual Guilt/Shame. Since
there was no one I felt I could talk to about this "embarrassing stuff," I figured I would have
to do my own research into the inner workings of the human mind, biology, sexuality, etc.,
to resolve this and get some answers.

The ego actually wants, and needs, to tie all kinds of negativity to sex. It feeds off anger,
jealousy, hatred, guilt, etc., and it actually uses those negative thoughts and emotions to
"spice up" sexuality and "get off." And negativity being associated with sexuality is
precisely what creates loads and loads of Sexual Guilt, which in turn leads to shyness,
approach anxiety, sexual disorders, STD's, etc., and their concordant low self-worth. In
many cases, since this ego pattern is so difficult to face (unless you've had intense
spiritual training with a Zen Master or Enlightened Being, or at least with a psychiatrist
who comprehends that the ego is impersonal), most of this Sexual Guilt is repressed
outside of awareness, i.e., unconscious sexual guilt.

Clearly, one of the best things someone can do to elevate their level-of-consciousness,
as well as to enhance their overall social and sexual health is to heal their Sexual Guilt.
The simple awareness that the ego is slyly addicted to infusing sexuality with negative
energies in order to "spice up" the sex and "get off", plus the willingness to forgive this
proclivity and, via self-awareness, to let go of indulging these patterns, great leaps and
bounds can be made in a relatively short period of time. (Awareness of the ego's patterns
is actually what undoes them. Since forgiveness is many times more powerful than
negativity, it has the power to dissolve it.)

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Respected Member

Join Date: 10/10/2007 | Posts: 428

That's some deep shit man.  Where can I find any books about how the ego attaches negativity to sexuality?  Your post was eye-opening and I connected with it...
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Senior Member

Join Date: 08/15/2010 | Posts: 289

Nice read; hope to hear more from you, Mystica.
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Trusted Member

Join Date: 01/11/2009 | Posts: 1032

Same as everyone else has said. Although I do have a question. What exactly is negative in porn movies that we are so attracted to? It seems to me as if we get off on the big booby models, the visual stimulation because that's what human beings are like.
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Respected Member

Join Date: 10/27/2007 | Posts: 354

Mega -awesome. Thanks for this.
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Senior Member

Join Date: 01/01/2010 | Posts: 153

 As for books that talk openly about this, good luck finding any.
Very few people know this kind of information, and fewer still
would ever share it.

What exactly is negative in porn movies that we are so attracted to? It seems to me
as if we get off on the big booby models, the visual stimulation because that's what human beings are like.

It would indeed seem that it's all about the female's beauty, but actually,
the essence of porn is not the same as the appearance of porn, just as
the book is not the cover. No, the essence of porn is seduction, addiction,
violence, rape, hatred, guilt/shame, pride/arrogance, defiance, rebellion,
etc., types of energies that are then attached/associated to sexuality.

Seeing the truth of that requires great courage, because it engenders
a sense of guilt/shame. That is why most people of average consciousness
would avoid seeing the obvious via the mechanism of denial. It's easier
to look at the cover of the book while ignoring the contents.

Is porn really just about beautiful bodies "going at it" and moaning with
pleasure? Or is there really much more going on? Well, don't just look
at the 12-minute clip, but ask yourself what goes on before the camera
is turned on, and what goes on afterwards? Drugs, seduction, coercion,
poverty, desperation, etc., followed by guilt, shame, self-hatred, regret,
denial, more drugs, suicide, and more. Classically, the energy of porn,
or essence of porn would have been called "satanic" (the rejection of
love for lust and killing).

Now be careful when you read the above -- don't be seduced into feeling
guilt or shame. Realize, the ego only sees the cover of the book ("big titties
and beautiful asses"). The ego, unaided, literally can't help itself. No ego,
of its own, could ever discover something as "awesome" as porn and
turn away from it. It's simply too juicy and alluring! The ego is a reservoir
of animal instinctual drives, and porn shouldn't be seen as "evil", it
should simply be seen as animal, as it the ego itself. There's no sense
in feeling guilty/ashamed for watching porn because the real Self is
not even the one who watched it. It's the ego itself, and that is not who
you are. The ego is more like a clever imposter. The voice in our heads,
curiously, sounds almost exactly like our own speaking voice. So of course
we presume, "It must be me." Everyone makes this mistake until they
have had spiritual training and are shown the ultra-obvious Silent Witness.

The ego is addicted to negativity, and not just sex. If sex stood alone,
innocently and free from negativity, it would be considered boring. If
porn videos featured healthy, happy, saintly, innocent couples who
are deeply in love, the ego would quickly lose interest. We might
appreciate those beautiful bodies for a couple of minutes, but something
would be missing for a true porn addiction to occur. And that something
is negativity, e.g., degradation/shame, anger/hate, pride/arrogance/denial,
and much more.

The beauty of realizing that you're the Witness of the ego, and not the
ego itself, is that the realization automatically cancels out guilt and self-blame.
The animal ego is really just innocently doing what it's "supposed to do",
which is to juice negativity or what the religions call "sin." The ego and
sin are one and the same thing, but rather than seeing the ego as "evil"
or as some kind of enemy, it's best to see it as animal. It's an inner pet
that needs to be healed with understanding, forgiveness, and compassion.

Sexual Guilt is one of the major inner blocks that, unless it's faced, owned,
deeply understood, and melted with compassion, one's chances of getting
REALLY good with dating, women, relationships, and sex are slim to none.
In most cases, it's merely suppressed. While there are plenty of guys who
manage to be successful with women regardless of these types of inner
blocks, they are merely successful on an appearance (the cover of the
book) level. Many "top names" actually hate women as well as themselves,
and are using "game" as a cover up to prove to themselves and others
that they are desirable, worthy, and that they love women. The cover is
not the book. We would do well as a society to learn how to detect
personality disorders and mental illness. For example, Narcissistic
Personality Disorder, Defiance Disorder, and Sociopaths are more
common that society realizes, and they often manage to find themselves
in political or teaching roles, for example.

I feel sorry for today's young "porn generation." When I was younger,
"porn" was a VHS videotape that your friends passed around. It featured
two or three women, and the sex was not too hardcore. But today's
13-year-old "men" have seen thousands of ass-to-mouth, gangbang,
and even actual clips, and it is programming their minds and
emotions. Try getting that programming out of your mind -- it can't
really be done. The only way to deprogram this stuff is to reach
enlightenment (to silence the mind forever), which is something that
is far too difficult for most people to realistically achieve. No, the best
ordinary young men can do is to first be willing and courageous
enough to see porn for what it is (sexuality infused with negativity),
give it up, and reprogram the mind with as much positivity as
possible (such as reading good books). Since positivity (love)
is many times more powerful than negativity (fear, hate, guilt, etc.)
it eventually counterbalances and heals all of that negative

Learning to love women is excruciatingly difficult and can take
an entire lifetime or more. Romantic love is actually only a few
hundred years old. In the old days, men merely mated with
women, but they had little in common and didn't bond like they
are attempting to bond today. We wonder why dating, sex, and
relationships are so difficult to learn; well, we're among the very
first generations to "trailblaze" romantic love. Since the ego has
a vested interest in subverting, undermining, and avoiding
love (because love is precisely what undoes its programming
[it eventually silences the ego out of existence]), the ego has
worked very hard to preserve itself and ensure its survival and
continuance. Porn is one of the major ways that the ego has
ensured that it "wins the war" against love. It's far more serious
than we realize. Fifty years ago we had never even heard of
porn, and today most young men have seen thousands of
hours of porn, which poisons the mind and leads our consciousness
away from love and down into the lowest levels of guilt, shame,
and self-blame. Pornographers are catering to men's lowest
animal weaknesses and are managing to seduce countless
young men (and women), literally, into hell, which is not a
place but an inner condition of psychological and spiritual agony.

Whew! You might say the pornographers are pumping you
full of sexual desire, and the "seduction community" then
comes in to give you an outlet to get women to do what you've
seen them doing in those porn clips. The way to discover if
a "teacher" is teaching love or manipulation is very simple.
Just run a search for the key term "love" and see how many
times that word pops up on their site. In most cases, it is zero,
and many even openly denounce love.

There is a wise saying: "Teach only love."

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Trusted Member

Join Date: 01/11/2009 | Posts: 1032

I am not sure what to make of everything you've said to be honest. It makes sense, and I am inclined to agree. But for the purpose of not filling my head with tons and tons of theory/philosophy/ideas, and to keep things simple, I want to know how this tie in with RSD's philosophy? Also, if you've read the book, "The Sex God Method," it talks about the mindset being having mind-blowing sex, and a lot of it is dominating the girl, dirty talk etc.

And yes, we don't see what goes on behind the scenes in Porn production. It's not a good business. There are videos out there made by couples/girlfriend boyfriend. Stuff which is obviously filmed on a small handheld camera and not by any company. This is the type of stuff I get off to lately, and I really don't like the fake scripted crap anymore. I can't help but think of the models as real people, and to imagine what their life must be like that they have to spend hours each day doing this type of thing to get 15 minutes of video.
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Senior Member

Join Date: 01/01/2010 | Posts: 153

 I want to know how this tie in with RSD's philosophy?

That's a complex question that depends on context, specific instructors,
levels-of-consciousness, and especially intention. I can't really answer
on their behalf. 

The capacity for self-honesty, and knowing one's own true motivations, is
actually an anomaly. The ego is clever at self-deception, and most people
are riddled with inner conflicts. I don't think RDS represents sainthood, but
I also don't think they proclaim enlightenment, unconditional love, or
perfection. They seem openly honest to the best of their ability and don't
seem to promise that you'll achieve much more than "getting laid." The
cover of the book and the contents of the book seem to match as far 
as I know. Reliance on simple morality and ethics is usually a reliable
safeguard when it comes to choosing a teacher, as does asking one's
self the all-important question, "Does this teacher obviously/congruently
love women?"
(Discard any teacher who is questionable on that level.)

Most of us are just fallible human beings, and a few of us are trying
to find answers to some of life's most difficult questions. The point I was
trying to make was that the core of Sexual Guilt stems from the ego's
(usually unconscious) tendency to infuse sexuality with negative
energies. Knowledge about the ego's patterns can be very powerful
and leads to inner freedom. Also, knowledge about Performance
Anxiety and how to quickly heal it is something that's of interest
to many readers all over the 'net, yet information concerning these
two very important, fundamental topics is scarcely available. Perhaps
that is because unless Sexual Guilt is significantly healed and removed,
it's not really even possible to discover the deeper truths regarding
advanced (healthy) sexuality, let alone share them with others. It seems
that sex-guilt and performance-anxiety are concordant with each other
in many respects.


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Join Date: 07/24/2007 | Posts: 84

wow amazing post.  what are you doing on rsdnation?  you are not a troll, an insecure narcissistic metro-douche, nor are you a self hating chode... you dont belong here.  ive got a lot to say on this topic but i cant help but feel productive discussions dont belong on this website.  it'd probably just be more appropriate for me to call you a and leave but i'll just say this:  your post is really appreciated and has opened my eyes.  a lot of shit makes sense to me now
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Senior Member

Join Date: 01/01/2010 | Posts: 153

 I'm just trying to be of service to anyone who suffers, and while 
certain "posters" here are decidedly of questionable integrity, there
are indeed some very good people here counterbalancing their
negativity. Also, I'm meditating up to 18 hours a day and 
sometimes I just need a break from closing my eyes and 
processing all thought fragments and emotions out, which is
fucking difficult. :)

I do have my own forums and website, but these kinds of 
advanced posts have scared most of my readership away,
and who can blame them.

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Master Milo

Master Milo

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/09/2009 | Posts: 387

good post man thanks
"Don't dream it, be it." (Dr Frank N Furter)
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