THE FORUMS

December 3rd, 2016
Being nice?
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MyWay

MyWay

Member

Join Date: 11/15/2010 | Posts: 42

I seem to have to forgotten how to do this. Used to be a full on nice guy, and in an attempt to break out of social conditioning I have become an asshole. I don't have the same limiting beliefs I had before.. I have different ones. "People only like me if I don't care about them"  - that's actually how my mind works in social situations...

The other day I had been messing around with some friends, and this girl I had just met who was pretty cute. I stole her hat and wore it, thumb wrestled her and cheated, called her a troublemaker, other random bullshit which involved zero authenticity or offering of value.. it wasn't fun. She was pretty unresponsive and I just forgot about her assuming she was shy.

Some days later I see her and my friend at lunch, ordering food. I get up from my friends, hug and spin my (female!) friend, take the girl's hat and go sit down, expecting them to come sit with us. They go off to a different table. When lunch is over I leave, with the hat, thinking it's hilarious that I still have it. Wear it all day and it actually helps me have fun with other girls I know cause they are giving me shit, in a fun way, for wearing a funny hat, and guys are giving me shit trying to AMOG me, I laugh at them.

I'm on the bus to go home, my friend who knows the girl gets on. Takes the hat off me and says the reason they didn't sit with us at lunch is cause the girl said "I can't be bothered getting bullied by MyWay again"

So now girls actually avoid me. Well it's better than being friendzoned right? I don't want to become 'nice' again, just wanna be cool and not seek approval so much. I want genuine connections instead of being that idiot who takes the piss all the time. Advice please?
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#1
livershop

livershop

Respected Member

Join Date: 10/19/2008 | Posts: 400

Looks like you got fucked my cocky-comedy... Or you fucked cocky-comedy... Why not just be yourself??? If nice was authentically you, then just accept yourself & maybe it won't be such a problem, huh?  
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"I beated my balls blue thinking about Livershop's last post" - Tyler Durden.................'s distant cousin, Bryan Durden

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"We must die to the Roger every day." - Livershop (In a cruel moment of self reflection)
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#2

lowkey

Senior Member

Join Date: 11/09/2010 | Posts: 190

This is a natural stage in evolution

Nice guy chode- Prick asshole chode- Genuine and Authentic (uncool however)- Genuine and Authentic (Alpha)

Look at eckhart tolle and the blueprint, alan watts, osho and meditation.
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#3

Vanderveen89

Junior Member

Join Date: 10/14/2010 | Posts: 3

 What I found was the same thing started to happen to me, as it is to you.  
It's an inner game problem you need to work out.  You're assuming value, which is good, but you're not offering it (I believe this is what's going on here)
Basically you gotta get a habit of offering positive energy more often.  I sound like a freaking hippy....
Read "The Power," its by that chick that wrote "The Secret," but its actually different (even though reading it felt the same, totally different lesson from the book)

Essentially you wanna get into a habit of being able to tease and make fun of the girl,(you got that down-pat) and compliment her, and appreciate her, all at the same time.  (second part is tricky!)
Once I started doing this, the quality of women I've been getting has gone WAY up.  Because all those happy-go-lucky "live-love-laugh" type girls feel more comfortable around me.

Look at it this way.  High quality women don't need to be praised.  They know they're cool.  If you can shoot shit with them like you do, they find it fun.  But you also need to show you like having them around, and most importantly, that you understand who they ARE.  We're about being not doing, and so is she.  Figure out who she's "being" it only takes minutes.  Compliment her on that.

If you don't understand what I'm getting at quite here, PM me, and I can re-articulate it for you, because my brother is having the EXACTLY  same issue as you right now, and I can probably do something.
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#4
MyWay

MyWay

Member

Join Date: 11/15/2010 | Posts: 42

Good advice, I do feel like I should be more authentic and just say what's on my mind without trying to impress people by being rude or cocky... Vanderveen, really liked your post and if you want to elaborate anymore I would love to read it.

Tease and make fun of - I can do this very easily
Compliment her - I used to do this all the time
Appreciate her - same as above.

So I just gotta combine all 3, that makes sense. I guess it's gonna come off as manipulative as I get used to it but I'll try just mixing teasing and compliments to start with... thanks.
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#5
scottsdale

scottsdale

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/23/2007 | Posts: 1542

Well you are still in a phase of TRYING to be something better... Its natural to push the limits in either direction before you can learn the stable center.

Whenever I'm trying anything, if its being an asshole, being nice, being whatwever- as long as I'm TRYING, the results are poor. And trying to be an asshole is like the worst - you're a fake asshole.

So yeah its about being real and authentic... Being an authentic asshole still isn't good though - assholes fucking suck.

Its time for you to pull back and become more natural to your core self - Start believing in yourself more, trusting in your thoughts and feelings, being honest with yourself. Time to be more REAL. No more trying, just being.

Concentrate on Positive Dominance... Instead of being cocky and teasing - try playful and challenging.
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