THE FORUMS

May 23rd, 2017
Inner Chode Cleansing - 20 Day Challenge
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Thor

Thor

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2010 | Posts: 292

I just had a realization last night. I was reading these "RSDnation guides for newbies" and it said approach 1,000 girls. Thats a solid guide. I want to follow it. I have all the time in the world, literally. I live in a decent city. I could be out all day in parks and shops and streets and train stations and all night in bars and clubs. I would get to 1,000 quite fast. And if I spent 16 hours a day on this I would get good so quick. I already am sort of good at talking to girls. I am at least not as bad as I was when I started this here journal.

Instead of going out I spent the whole day playing online games.



It makes me wonder. And I don't know what to think of myself.
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Thor

Thor

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2010 | Posts: 292

I will start the 1000 girls challenge pretty soon. But not today and not tomorrow! I think on Wednesday.
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Me-vs-Me

Me-vs-Me

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Join Date: 05/18/2010 | Posts: 1312

 Well, I feel bad for you that you did nothing with the girl when she was staying at your place, but as you said, atleast you had an awesome weekend. Also the club thing is good, you said before that you were scared to death to go to clubs, now you atleast went to a club. Good luck on the challenge!
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Thor

Thor

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2010 | Posts: 292

Ahh damn. On wednesday I was walking in a mall and I thought about all the girls there and felt a sense of excitement, I thought about talking to a but ultimately did not have the balls to do anything of the sorts. I got in my head and started judging fat girls for being bitchy without talking to them and finding out. I thought about if someone would ask me if I am crazy, and I would just smile and tell them that yes I am crazy and it would be liberating.

And today I was home all day playing guitar and singing. Its not helping me get laid, but Im getting very good at guitar. I have started putting together a setlist for a gig and Ill try to get a performance at a local bar or club or something. On monday Im going to stay at a new house where I dont have my computer. I can only play guitar, chop wood or eat. Or go outside and downtown and do something scary. Get the girls! I just saw a pic of a girl on facebook. She is fucking amazing. She has a boyfriend and lives in another country but still. Its a good reminder of the things that really matter in life. Which is women. And art!

Peace
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Thor

Thor

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2010 | Posts: 292

Man approaching girls is more scary than I thought. I was downtown with the intention of approaching. Couldnt. I go at it again tomorrow. And start daily updates again.
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Thor

Thor

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2010 | Posts: 292

I am a chode and if you dont like it you can kiss my chode ass.
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Thor

Thor

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2010 | Posts: 292

Man! This shit keeps repeating itself. I sit in my room, watch some video of Tyler or Julien and I go like "YEAH! BREAK OUT OF THE MATRIX! BE THE CHAMP! " but as soon as I get to the shopping mall or downtown or even out of my house I lose this mojo, become the guy who does not take action, go home, say fuck it, get in the bathtub, put on some nice music and drink beer. Then when I get drunk I chat to girls on facebook and "open" them with riddiculous statements. At least that is a good thing - and at least its fun. Getting drunk in the bathtub is also fucking fun, to be honest. At least for now, but maybe I will tire of it after a few more times.

FUCK. THIS. I fucking suck. At taking action. My "game" has improved, and my overall sociability and awkwardness has decreased and I even fucked a girl. Four times! But I suck ass when it comes to taking action.

I have only done 2 even remotely scary things in the last 3 weeks:
1) Go to a pub with a peer group I was not super comfortable with (I also didnt have a valid student id, so had to hustle my way in. it worked :)). It was fucken fun to be honest. Well worth it!
2) Join the local church choir. Is that best I can do really? The biggest action I can take is join the fucking church choir with a bunch of old religious people, wear robes and sing during mass. Like JESUS. What the fuck happened to me? I was pimping it like 1-2 months ago. At least in my head. But I guess I slipped. I let the external stimulus and the "results" get to my head. If I look at how I was taking ACTION, it was actually kind of consistent - a consistent, but maybe slightly increasing, low level. Low fucking level. Like I didn't do anything different to lose my viringity - on that night I was walking around drunk and alone, being fucking bitter that I couldnt take action and that I couldnt get the girl I like and that I couldnt admit that I sucked to anyone, and that I still had to hide myself, and then I stumbled into this other girls vagina. Hardly taking action like a champ.

So for the 3 remaingin weeks of july, I will approach one girl per week. And anything counts, as long as I go out of my way to do it. so checkout girls in grocery stores is a no go :) One girl per week and if I cant do it, - well that is just not an option. This shit has to stop.

But I have so fucking high standards for myself I dont know how to get away from it. I will compare myself to guys who are like the BEST. What I am most afraid of is not the rejection, not the whatever it is that might frighten. But it is when I am not SUPER FUCKING PIMP right off the bat. It is what scares me the most. I dont fucking want to fail. I dont want to do a weak approach. I dont want to be ignored. I dont want to ge the bad result from an interaction. I dont want to have a night with SHITTY RESULTS (even if I took fucking RIGHT ACTION - which should matter the most). Like they say, your actions pump you up - should I do it or not do it - Im doing it - BOOM! - but in that area I dont have a lot going for me. Most of the times I have felt good in the past few weeks its been over some form of validation. LIKE YEEEEEAH VALIDATION. I let the environment dictate how I should feel based on what stimulus Im getting and so I dont want to go and take right action because I will probably get the wrong result one or two times.

I am a validation whore. Like look at the midsummer adventures story - I took super wrong action and instead of feeling bad about that I felt good about the warm and fuzzy feelings I got from the girls as I SUCKED THE VALUE OUT OF THEM LIKE A FUCKING VAMPIRE. Jesus its making me sick. Im fucking going downtown now. I had some reasons in my head as to why not do it right now, stuff like I have to eat, and its raining. Fuck all that. I can eat later. And if its raining it means the girls are already wet ;) That is not a bad start.

P.S I just compared the posts from last summer to now - they are on page 9, there is only 2 of them lol. I am definitely getting somewhere :)
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Thor

Thor

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2010 | Posts: 292

Mhm - I went downtown. It was raining. It takes me like 30 minutes to get downtown. By bike. I had a feeling the rain would stop but I was not sure - I went out in the rain anyway. LIKE A TRUE CHAMP! I was biking downtown and I passed a foreign older lady. I was thinking that every little fear I lean into is a massive windfall. So I thought to myself - I have to sing very loudly as I pass her. I did - I sang a song called The Water is Wide. I proceeded to sing that song - loudly, not screaming, but full voiced and not holding back, as I passed more people and I was feeling like a BOSS. For a while =) and it was really good because a) I was intruding on peoples "sound space" by loud singing b) I was feeling good because of my actions and not the stimulus from others aka DRAW STATE FROM WITHIN. As I got downtown I rode my bike slowly and looked at the girls and groups of people there. I thought about doing something radical, but in the end I just got the supplies I needed and headed back home.

I could be mad or I could be glad. I went out in the rain. I cared. A little bit. I didnt go all the way, but baby steps. Maybe by the end of the week I will "approach" a girl. I hope so - It would be awesome if I could stick my scheduled 1 girl per week.

Its funny - when you strip down the "free stuff" like social circles (almost all of my friends who live in this town are on vacation/somewhere else etc - I have pretty much no one to see, no choir gurls to chat up, no parties to go to) and other people who will throw parties and make you attend, and friends who will take care of you, you see what you are really made of. I see that I suck balls at taking action. Previously I would be like - look at my life, look at the girls in my life man! I spend time with lots of girls, see them socially and even had sex! I cant suck at taking action - I must be at least a little bit good. But thats just not the case. I gotta be real. Today I was being fucking real. I hope tomorrow I can be real aswell - Go downtown, spend a little more time there. Just chill. Lookat the people. Look at the girls. See what happens.
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Me-vs-Me

Me-vs-Me

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Join Date: 05/18/2010 | Posts: 1312

 Hah, the singing in the rain in the middle of people is a good thing, I think it might be even scarier than approaching some hot girl. I watched one video from Tyler that I think was super good, I recommend it to you too. 
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Thor

Thor

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2010 | Posts: 292

I just watched that video its fucking amazing. Aswell as the dude who says "yeah thats me" and then high fives. Big props.

I went to the mall today aswell. On the way there I get crazy with the singing. I pass an older foreign man and a couple of BMX kids at the same time. I sing au fond du temple saint, which is from a french opera, and I am actually decent at singing opera because I worked hard on it for a year. So I sing that song, fucking loud (opera singers perform in big theatres with big orchestras and have no microphones what so ever!), as I am passing them on my bike. But its like, not real, because I just pass by them so quickly so there is no chance for them to really react. But it was cool and it pumped me up a little bit. As I get closer to the mall there are so many people around I dont dare to use my full opera voice anymore. It would simply get too much attention. Like at least in this part of the world, a few people will be quietly humming as they go about their daily business, but casual louder singing is considered somewhat intrusive and is very rare, and opera - forget it! has probably never happened in public. But I still sing a fair bit, especially when I pass by young girls ;). Anyway, I am in the mall and I see a girl sitting down and reading a text or something but I just walk right past her and dont even stop to contemplate. Nothing noteworthy happens. I walk by some dude who talks to 2 girls about throwing a melon and a line i should have said pops into my head but I don't say it, just keep on walking.

I think that my criteria for success is to just show up to any place where there are girls. I know from experience now that if I have a higher criteria for sucess what will happen is that I won't leave the house, ever. So I just go out of my way to get downtown or get to the local mall. And watch the girls. Girlwatching. Im going to watch girls every day ;) Its not a bad thing actually. They are fucking beautiful, most of them. HELL YEAH. Hah. I know I have gotten the advice here to just make my criteria for sucess to just show up, but I didnt fucking listen. I couldnt accept that that was where Im at.
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