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December 11th, 2016
Inner Chode Cleansing - 20 Day Challenge
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Thor

Thor

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2010 | Posts: 284

Hello RSD. This is beginner stuff by the way. If you just want to read the glory, skip to other threads.

Im going to attempt exorcising my inner chode via this modest 20 day challenge. I will try to improve my social skills, reduce my social anxiety and break my horrible lifelong procrastination streak. These will be my rules:
 - Talk to five strangers a day (cold approaches)
 - For these mandatory five, never end the conversation or walk away. Keep talking until they leave. If I somehow freeze up and can't say anything, I just stand there and take the pain
 - Play online poker 2 hours a day
 - Get up before 10:00 on weekdays

The last two points are there to remove the sleazy feeling I get when I sleep to 14:00 every day and then do nothing at all. I saw the blueprint almost four months ago, and always thought that some day I would just "pop" and go round talking to everyone, all the time (which I know is the right move for me), but that has not happend. Instead, I have been sitting in front of my computer all day, reading these forums and wishing I was as cool as BonoboTimes or Two Step. So I will have to resort to this 20 day challenge. I have told myself I was going to take the five strangers a day challenge several times, but always procrastinated. However every day I get more and more fed up with my chodely ways, and I get closer and closer to banging my head against that glass wall.

I will try to avoid the attitude "oh no, dreadful challenge. poor me", and instead adopt the "it will be fun to see where this takes me"-attitude.

I hope this thread will be fun for all involved.

Much love,
Thor
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#1
Thor

Thor

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2010 | Posts: 284

To nodobys surprise it didn't work, the whole idea was stupid. The comfort zone is like a rock in the middle of a cold ocean. You either dip a tiny toe over and over again, or dive in. I tried for a middle ground, like dipping a leg or something. I didn't do any of the things basically.

What I will do instead is take a computer-free month (November). This will help me get my thumb out of my ass, and maybe live life a little bit. Just a little bit.

Its painful by the way how socially inhibited I am, even around people I have been around a fair few times. Dive motherfucker dive.
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#2

csrpj

Member

Join Date: 07/09/2010 | Posts: 47

 hey thor,

sorry to hear about this.

maybe there are other things you can do. where are you living? can you possibly change your environment to be more supportive of your goals?

what about health? excercise, nutrition, supplements, etc.
have you ever meditated or listened to brain entrainment?

as far as doing things you set yourself out to do, acountability is a great tool. basically, you give somebody you trust say $100, and if you don't do "x" by such-and-such time, they get to keep your money.

keep us posted.
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#3
Thor

Thor

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2010 | Posts: 284

Thank you dude.

Im not moving very fast. I tell myself there is this thing I need to sort out before I go medieval with this. Maybe theres a point to it, I don't know, doesn't really matter anyway. I will know in a week or so (yes time limits!)

Im a turtle right now. Currently forcing myself into as many social situations as I can, through hobbies, friends, etc. In these social situations Im chode to the bone but it gets slightly better each time. I often know I should go talk to someone but don't because Im waiting for them to fall in my lap. Sometimes they do =)

More importantly Im a time bomb. The ball is in motion. One month ago I used to sit in my room all day, literally, leaving only to do the most necessary stuff. Sometimes drinking with friends on the weekends, and getting my chode on in some club. Now, well. I get my chode on on a regular basis in more differentiated social substrates. Each time I get my socially awkward chode on, I improve slightly. Very slightly =). Here is an isolated fragment of an otherwise nonwritten field report so you can get a feel of where Im at:

Basically it was a teambuilding exercise. I was very quiet for most of the time. At one point we had to intervene to another room, and wait maybe 20 seconds for the speaker to arrive. I go stand beside some boxes, and inspect them. They were beer boxes, so it was not completely uninteresting (I am a big fan of beer). Two girls come up. One of them goes full eye contact and smile (Im very good looking). I do nothing. She finally uses the obvious opener that I should have used (if you were there you would understand). I then proceed to demonstrate my low value to her and she is not interested anymore, speaker grabs attention and curtains down.

Being a chode has to be painful, it can't be comfortable, that is not a healthy dynamic. I expose myself to the pain. Most of the time. There was this one time I knew I should go to a party where I was invited and knew maybe half of the people but I told myself I was too tired, sick or some excuse that was so paper thin it could blow away with the wind. But otherwise I have been doing well. Lacking the balls to force action in social settings the best I can do is repeated exposure. No retreat!
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#4
Rick Grimes

Rick Grimes

Respected Member

Join Date: 07/14/2009 | Posts: 911

hey dude,

getting out of the funk your in isnt going to be easy.it never is,going from 0 to 60 in a day or a week rarely happens.it seems like you may have set your goals to high the first time a round.the more pain you go through the better chance of waking up and realizing your not living your life the way you want to.

the no computer thing for a month is silly.if you keep taking such small baby steps youll be good with women by the time your an old man.understand that moderation is key,too much computer,too much beer,too much food etc. will not benefit you in any way.so get your health (mental and physical) in order first and most importantly.

next as far as pick up goes,

get comfortable speaking with women,by you just being awkward and standing there after saying your opener,your just reinforcing that belief that your a chode when she looks at you funny or walks away.instead why dont you just walk around a mall asking for directions to a particular store?or asking girls there opinion on what store you should go to to buy your sister a shirt (or whoever).once they awncer your question you can say thankyou and leave.after you do this for a week,you will relize that girls are actually very nice.and eventually your gunna want to start going direct with them.

at this point you will be comfortable speaking with girls in public,so now you can introduce yourself to girls and let them know you think theyre cute.

and most importantly here,your not doing yourself a favor constantly telling yourself your a chode.its negative and its bullshit.some people are good at sports,some arent.some people are good with girls,some arent.thats just the way it is.now,are you gonna throw in the towel and be lazy not wanting to put forth the effort,or are you gunna get up and wrok for this skill set?

your smart enough to be able to use a computer,i think your chances of getting good with women are good too,as long as you fight for it and make an effort

zack
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#5
Phred!

Phred!

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/24/2008 | Posts: 620

Alright bro...first off...major props for putting yourself in social situations through groups clubs, etc. You're taking things in the right step for sure.

BUT you gotta stop putting yourself down constantly. None of this chode shit man. If you're gonna keep putting yourself down for every little thing that happens to you, then you're always going to be in the wrong headspace.
Guess what man?! YOURE NOT A CHODE! Do you know why? Because you're putting yourself out there, pushing through your comfort zone, and taking right action to make a difference in your life. Thats fuckin honorable man! So what....so you're gonna fuck things up with girls here and there? Who fuckin cares?! We all fuck up. The most successful people in life are the ones who fucked up the most to get there.
For now on, you can no longer call yourself a chode or any other degrading name in this journal, or I will slap you. Besides the name calling, youre certainly on the right track.
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#6
Thor

Thor

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2010 | Posts: 284

Thank you guys for the insight I had completely overlooked that. There will be no more namecalling. Short account of my weekend:

Friday:
Drunken ballroom dancing. I don't really know any dances but it worked out anyway. Never asked girls if they wanted to dance, just signalled them to give me their hands. Instead of riding my bike home I took the 40 minute walk with a girl from my choir who lives near me so she wouldn't have to walk home alone at 4 am. There were no awkward silences (which I was afraid there would be), which was good I suppose, but I don't think I made her laugh one time. I guess I was too inhibited to self-amuse. I need to work on disinhibiting myself. I mean Im not retarded, and definitely capable of basic socialization (and more). A couple of years back I didn't think I was. Irrelevant. Very nice night overall, altho I should have drank less. On an identical night just a month ago I would definitely have drunk more so progess has been made. In case I had not mentioned it, I have the bad habit of binge drinking to reduce social anxiety.

Saturday:
Sensation white in Copenhagen. First hour or two I walked around being super drunk, trying to work up the courage to put myself on the line and risk rejection. Didn't do it. Then I found my friends and danced some. Kind of bad night I guess. The music and atmosphere in the place were good but it bothered me that I didn't take action.

The plan now is to start doing the things I am afraid of doing (mainly talking to girls), as well as shifting towards a more social lifestyle. I go to University so the latter part is easy, its the first one I have to work on. Break the chains that bind me. I am slowly adapting the paleolithic diet, and Im gonna start working out regularly. I have a sprained ankle and Im not sure it has healed enough yet (still swollen), but I guess I should start doing upper body strength anyway, and avoid running and pressure on the legs for another month or so. Until next time.
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#7
Thor

Thor

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2010 | Posts: 284

Monday: Didn't leave comfort zone

Tuesday: Read through a book called Spartan Health Regime (which is awesome), did not do anything else I feel is worth mentioning.

I need to work on disinhibition, a lot. I don't even care about getting laid much. Just please please let me socialize without little to no inhibtion. So what to do. Write down a list of things I fear the most, and then go expose myself to all of them (maybe starting with the easy ones).

1. Beasting on a scallywag
2. Approaching in front of social circle
3. Approaching where I can't get out of dodge if rejected
4. Approaching in front of audience
5. Approaching and stating intent
6. Appraching women

Those are approximately my worst fears (that I can think of right now) and I am going to face them down in the reverse order. No quarter. Im going to find out for myself if this works.

Start with smaller steps maybe. But what step? I mean this is getting riddiculous. Tomorrow I will approach a woman or kill myself.
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#8

Aj Deluxe

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/15/2010 | Posts: 229

Ah shit...he hasnt updated he must not have approached

R.I.P buddy
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#9

Morgan

Junior Member

Join Date: 11/16/2010 | Posts: 3

Thor wrote:
To nodobys surprise it didn't work, the whole idea was stupid. The comfort zone is like a rock in the middle of a cold ocean. You either dip a tiny toe over and over again, or dive in. I tried for a middle ground, like dipping a leg or something. I didn't do any of the things basically.

What I will do instead is take a computer-free month (November). This will help me get my thumb out of my ass, and maybe live life a little bit. Just a little bit.

Its painful by the way how socially inhibited I am, even around people I have been around a fair few times. Dive motherfucker dive.
hey dude, i'm a fucking beginner too. i've recenty posted my FR on this forum. wish you good luck! i'll be reading your FR to see your little improvements, day by day! hope, i'll have success too ;)
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#10
Thor

Thor

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2010 | Posts: 284

Im in Europe so its only 11 PM. Heres how the day went:
I went to bed at 01:30 the day before. Alarm rang at 10:00, snoozed 2 hours, then I slept 3½ hours more. Then I stayed in bed until 19:30 because I didnt want to get up (last 2 days I got up before 10 AM). During this time I was daydreaming about how awesome it would be when Im super-confident in social situations, and how much better my life would be if I were. Anyway I got up and made some "breakfast". I ran low on groceries so had to go shopping before the stores closed. I waited until the very last minute. As I walked out of the store I had the absolute perfect opportunity to open a girl my age. At first I didn't recognize it as such because well, old conditioning. But then I realized I should talk to her. Turned around, she was still there. But I didn't do it.

But heres the interesting part. I felt no anxiety at all. Im not sure why exactly. In fact, I rarely do. About a month ago I went to a neighbouring city with the intention of just asking someone for the time, and I walked around for 4 hours or something and didnt do it. And I never felt anxious. I could not even honestly consider doing it.

If I can't even ask a stranger in another city (very very probable I will never see them again) for the time, then surely I must be totally incapable of taking action? Well, no. About a month ago I joined a choir where I knew no-one. I was not signed up so no one was expecting me, I just went there. Outside the building I asked a girl if she knew where to go, she did, so I introduced myself to her, stated my purpose and asked who I should talk to. Then I was in, and did some socialization with the peoples there. Before going there I felt a fair bit of anxiety, but I easily got through it. About a year ago I did a similar thing, the anxiety was much worse then (I was in my bed in fetal position the last half hour before going), but willpower got me through it. But I have not once honestly consider approaching a girl to the point where AA makes itself known.

This shit makes absolutely no sense to me. If anyone who is reading this is interested in this kind of stuff, I would very much appreciate if you could share your ideas on why I can do some stuff and not other stuff.

Anyway its midnight now and I didn't approach, so I will have to kill myself. But don't worry I planned on doing that anyway. And not in the conventional sense of the word. I might go into this in detail later. So until next time folks, and thanks for the kind words Morgan. Im sorry I let myself down. But I will keep trying =)
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