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July 25th, 2017
What to do about low social value?
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Farn

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/04/2010 | Posts: 149

In concrete terms, I am a low status man. I'm a virgin, never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl. I have no really close friends, I have a lot of people that I talk to, but none ever invite me to go anywhere or to any parties. When I talk to girls, I feel like I come across as low status, because I don't know how to relate to someone who's sexually active, knows how it feels to have someone attracted to them, and goes out every week. I can fake status by being confident and unreactive, but I feel like that my life experience is going to be so different, it's going to be obvious that I'm a loser. What can I do?
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#1

Farn

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/04/2010 | Posts: 149

I'd like to be able to act how I think I would if I was normal, but I have no idea how to be that way.
VisionsDivine wrote:
Tolle bro. This is where is at.

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#2
lonestar

lonestar

Member

Join Date: 01/28/2010 | Posts: 58

Hey buddy, 
Here's my philosophy on all this stuff, and I have to admit, a lot of it is the same stuff I've read on this and other websites just rehashed, but i've seen major progress!

When you're not confident about yourself, and don't love yourself for who you are as a person, you're going to feel like you've got some holes.  Your mind is going to try to rationalize why you have those feelings of lack, and most of the time, they will misdiagnose what the root cause is.  For me, I really wished I was cool and that I was better looking so people would like me.  I knew that I was awkward with people and that girls weren't interested in me and I thought that the root of the problem was that I just wasn't cool.  So I thought: "I'll get really good at acting cool!"

So I got all these cool hobbys... I figured all cool people had cool hobbies, or were good at sports or something, so I just figured I'd get good at something and people would think I was cool.  I got really good at wakeboarding, snowboarding, playing the guitar, and I listened to really cool music... and I thought I'd just tell people about all the cool things I did and find cool things to say so they'd think I was cool... and well if you've tried any of that you know... it definitely doesn't work that way.  Trying to trick people into thinking your normal will pretty much backfire everytime.

What I finally figured out is that all the holes and the feelings of lack in myself (being awkward with people, being bad with women, not having close friends), all had the same root cause, and that cause was not feeling comfortable in my own skin. 

Once you realize this, it starts a slow but very rewarding journey to real confidence.  You'll slowly feel more comfortable putting your real self out there and you'll see that people respond positively to it, and slowly you put more and more of yourself out there until all of a sudden you've got nothing to hide.  And then you'll already be well on your way to being a mac daddy, and you'll have the best friends you've ever had because you're totally honest with them.

If you think about it, you probably know people with the same "Holes" you think you have, who have managed to be social, cool people.  And your mind will say: yeah, but he's got ____ going on for him.  But look at the real pattern... ask yourself "Is this person for the most part comfortable in their own skin?" and you will find that the answer is yes. 

The illusion of normalcy is BS... everyone's got their quirks and that's the way it should be, in fact people like it.  Your weirdness gives you a different perspective, and since people are social learners, people love different perspectives. 

For me, the first real realization that helped me, is that EVERYONE is uncomfortable in social situations.  Everyone else is uncomfortable and trying to impress you too, so don't stress about it.  Just put yourself out there and you will see progress and you'll make great friends.

Later I realized that not EVERYONE is uncomfortable but it's way below 1% of the population and this makes it even better: the people who are completely comfortable, make everyone around them feel more comfortable, they don't expect you to try and impress them, they just actually want to know about you, or just want to kick it with out you needing to act normal.  The people who reject you WERE JUST TRYING TO IMPRESS YOU.  Now, I laugh and feel honored that they cared about me so much so as to try to make me think they were cool.

So in summary, stop trying to impress, it'll just hold you back.  The real you is all people want anyway.  I'm not saying that it's easy or you can just do it instantly, but start working on it and you'll become much higher status...  and you're definitely in the right place to be figuring all this shit out, so relax, just keep working at it and you'll definitely get this shit handled.
Farn wrote:
I'd like to be able to act how I think I would if I was normal, but I have no idea how to be that way.
VisionsDivine wrote:
Tolle bro. This is where is at.


__________________
 
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#3

BigManOnCampus

Junior Member

Join Date: 10/20/2010 | Posts: 11

Sounds like you need to focus on your social skills first. Being attractive and desired is quite a leap for somebody who doesn't yet posses basic social skills to make friends, acquaintances, etc.
Focus on that.
Whatever acquaintances and friends you have currently. Call them. Invite yourself to hang out w/ them.
But don't push yourself on them. Don't be clingy. But it's okay to be proactive.
Assume the best. Start practicing on a more positive attitude.
On paper. You might not have much to offer.
But I'm sure you have a lot of positive qualities. To be honest. If you're non-needy. smart. posses a positive attitude. honest. loyal and laid back. You're already better than 80% of the guys out there.
You're already somebody people should want to hang out with. And therefore you are high value.
Start viewing yourself as high value and proceed accordingly.
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#4

Farn

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/04/2010 | Posts: 149

There's no one I know that I care about or trust enough to call to hang out with. Or even ask for their numbers. The few people I did trust all went off to different universities.
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#5

the modern

Senior Member

Join Date: 04/21/2010 | Posts: 294

Farn wrote:
There's no one I know that I care about or trust enough to call to hang out with. Or even ask for their numbers. The few people I did trust all went off to different universities.
You just answered your question. You don't want it enough. You might think you do, but you care more about facing rejection than you do about living your life alone. You don't need to trust somebody to hang out with them. You are taking a risk that they will reject you, betray you, or whatever, but the only way to really protect yourself against that is by having so many friends that no one friend can screw you over. Here's the thing though, the worst that's going to happen if you put yourself out there is that you will end up with no friends, which is where you are now.  However, you aren't willing to push yourself outside your comfort zone to improve. Don't ask for help if you aren't willing to take the first step.
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#6
Beast Von Gandi

Beast Von Gandi

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/29/2010 | Posts: 631

Start doing massive amounts of cold approaches. If you live in a big city, you're all set. Otherwise take a few months break and go visit NYC/LA. You can even travel to 5 cities in 5 months or something like that and just do cold approaches and instant dates etc. That'll make you a richer person right away.

Basically balls to the walls change. OTW live in your fucking misery and cry.

__________________
Boners not kino man. My entire crew is basically composed of retards and sex addicts. There's not a whole lot of "thought" going on per se. Just beastmode and dong. Why do we fuck these girls? Because they get our dick hard and it is also a great form of exercise. DURR Never ask. Never narrate. Mumble gibberish and take your dick out. Some girl looked at you this one time at Starbucks HURRAY
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#7

epiphany2010

Junior Member

Join Date: 10/18/2010 | Posts: 13

Consider this, should a girl enquire about whether you have ever had a girlfriend and are a virgin, what would you respond with?.  You have two options to ponder, obviously honesty or dishonesty, however, with entirely different approaches.
Either reply truthfully and be needlessly ashamed or embarressed, which will almost certainly affect your morale / confidence and potentially any possibility of anything with the girl OR reply truthfully without expressing any shame or embarressment while knowing you don't have to explain why.  The girl will instinctively / natually ask why, anticipate this, don't answer negatively, answer positively, which will please / impress the girl.  Such as, you strongly believe that everybody has a soulmate and you haven't discovered yours or I am waiting until I meet the perfect girl.  You could alternatively attempt dishonesty, however, be prepared for further questions which may be difficult to answer, she will also probably realise you were dishonest aswell eventually when you appear reluctant or uncertain either answering or whenever intimate.  Have you also considered that despite her demeanor and apparant confidence with people, that she may have similar thoughts aswell, firstly she may also be a virgin or inexperienced and secondly uncertain about her worthiness.  Appearances are deceiving remember.

I have a habit of typing nonsense, hopefully the above helps.

The extremely short version of the above paragraph is to concentrate completely on the positives only, there aren't any negatives.  Adopt this attitude everywhere aswell.

epiphany2010
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#8
sinan

sinan

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/11/2007 | Posts: 1909

are u fucking stupid...dont tell a girl your a virgin or any other crap...you dont have to tell a girl everything she cant read your mind, be a man dont give everything away. fuck being 100% honest.

also just build your value.slowly and slowly..go out solo, work on inner game, work on your lifestyle, clothes, gym, talk to people in shops, push your comfort zone, meditation, etc etc

a large part of value has to do with believing your the shit then acting that way in fact thats probably about 90%..In fact value is a concept there is no such thing as higher status its all in the mind.
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#9

epiphany2010

Junior Member

Join Date: 10/18/2010 | Posts: 13

The fact that I am a 'Junior' member an admittedly a beginner as opposed to yourself 'sinan' would explain my naivity then by suggesting he be honest, although creatively honest.  Another alternative which 'sinan' would suggest is to deliberately misinterpret any particularly awkward / difficult questions and respond in a manner / fashion which would surprise her.  I recommend you listen more to 'sinan', he is likely able to help you more than I.

epiphany2010
 
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#10
sinan

sinan

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/11/2007 | Posts: 1909

lol im nothing special mate...just wanted to share some info.
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