THE FORUMS

LR: Thank You Mark Wahlberg (So I got a Job at a Club)

So I got a job a this club where I live. It is really big and errr has loud music.

Why?

Because I wanted to see what working at a club was like. 

So it is about an hour before work and me n xerxes have just picked up a shit ton of blueberry beer (its 8 percent and taste like blueberry muffins)

Xerxes and I get innappropriately trashed.

So about 45 minutes later I decide it is a fine time to go to work. I am working as one of the door guys tonight. 

I get to work and take shots with xerxes instead of going straight to the door. We become even more stupidly drunk.

I see this shot girl that I apparently work with. I stupid wave at her and then act like I do not see her. This happens like 20 more times through out the night.

Xerxes slaps me so I have him thrown out

I go to the exit door to make sure people do not leave with alcohol. I kinda fall asleep. 

I ask the door boss guy if I can go walk around and actively kick people out instead, he says sure and replaces me at the door.

I go in the bathroom and find minors washing Xs off their hands. I act like a minor too and start pretending to wash my hands. I tell them how FUCKED UP I AM GONNA GET YO. They agree with me and then go to high five me. They notice I am a bouncer. I make fun of them and then throw them out while still making fun of them.

I take more shots

I stumble around the club and wave at the shot girl more. She is laughing

I find a minor who I already threw out and he tries to hide. I go up behind him and whisper in his ear "I know who you are...if you have so much as a sniff of alcohol I am going to fucking rape you" He doesnt say anything and I fade off into the crowd like a ninja

Xerxes manages to get back in and attacks me. The staff is horrified and almost kills him. I explain that xerxes is my friend. Xerxes then goes up to 3 girls, screams incoherent persian shit at them.

15 minutes later

Xerxes leaves with all 3 girls and tells me he does not know where he is

I take more shots

I slap a extremely intoxicated 40+ year old man for trying to slap me when I was making him leave

Daddy shows up...Daddy sees he cannot get free drinks and leaves like a total jew

The bar closes

I kinda wander around

I clock out and see the shot girl who I have been waving at all night in the parking lot. I ask her if she would like to go to happy yogurt because they have amazinnnnnng egg rolls. She says sure (PROPER GAME 101..Girls love egg rolls)

We go to happy yogurt ( AND ACTUALLY EAT FOOD)

I start talking about how I am remembering the lyrics from the AMAZING song good vibrations for karaoke this week. She says she has never heard the song. 

I AM DISGUSTED BY THIS

I go on a 5 minute tirade about how youth in america no longer listens to the good music and the fact that she does not know about Marky Mark and the funky bunch is just to much for me to handle

I tell her we must go to my place to smoke weed and reducate her to be a benefical member of society. (she didnt know what rythm is a dancer is OR take on me was either...WHAT THE FUCK)


We go home. We fuck

I open my lap top and change her life with this video.. Thank You mark wahlberg



I also got promoted to bar backing instead of working the floor as a bouncer...life is fair