THE FORUMS
I think I've got an answer to my question.
Why is cheating bad? Because people don't like being cheated on.
But without respect for not crossing that not boundary by default, and the adherance to the golden rule ""Treat other people the way you wanna be treated" , in which .... I am. (it involves cheating). Then I naturally fall into a category of the kind of guy who is going to cross that line. Maybe my values will change one day, I know people much older than I, that cheat on their girlfriends still and all in all its not a big deal, because they dont make it a big deal. They don't make relationships in general a big deal. Cheating on a test at school and cheating on a girlfriend... they are on different levels to MOST people.
Like I said, my epiphany is I'm just going to step up more to know I don't take the relationship, and commitment issues seriously. Some guys are going to agree and learn from this, most guys are going to rage on this- its probably because they don't like getting cheated on themselves (and hence apply the golden rule).
I don't really see anything being contributed now that is of unique content. Its all come down to a "You Decide" situation.
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Why is cheating bad? Because people don't like being cheated on.
But without respect for not crossing that not boundary by default, and the adherance to the golden rule ""Treat other people the way you wanna be treated" , in which .... I am. (it involves cheating). Then I naturally fall into a category of the kind of guy who is going to cross that line. Maybe my values will change one day, I know people much older than I, that cheat on their girlfriends still and all in all its not a big deal, because they dont make it a big deal. They don't make relationships in general a big deal. Cheating on a test at school and cheating on a girlfriend... they are on different levels to MOST people.
Like I said, my epiphany is I'm just going to step up more to know I don't take the relationship, and commitment issues seriously. Some guys are going to agree and learn from this, most guys are going to rage on this- its probably because they don't like getting cheated on themselves (and hence apply the golden rule).
I don't really see anything being contributed now that is of unique content. Its all come down to a "You Decide" situation.
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High value marketing coaching - www.ppc-coach.com
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Kaladyn, I really don't care if it's "right" or "wrong" because it's only an argument over semantics, but what I'm curious about is what your actions are motivated by. In a monogamous relationship there is an unwritten contract you make with a person where you set up rules for each other. If you break those rules, then by definition that is cheating. So why would you want to set up rules that you're going to break in the first place? You realize that you're setting yourself up to be a person that lacks integrity deliberately.
You want the experience of settling down and being "monogamous" while simultaneously wanting the experience of someone who isn't monogamous. And you're absolutely right, she may never know what you're doing behind her back and the same goes vice versa - so why do you bother wasting your time advocating monogamy by pretending to be in one in the first place? Seems like a WASTE of time to me. Is the REAL reason "she doesn't need to know" stem from an insecurity of losing her because you still want a sense of complacency and stability in your life? Even though you have sex with other women you ironically seem to have a scarcity mentality to me.
You want the experience of settling down and being "monogamous" while simultaneously wanting the experience of someone who isn't monogamous. And you're absolutely right, she may never know what you're doing behind her back and the same goes vice versa - so why do you bother wasting your time advocating monogamy by pretending to be in one in the first place? Seems like a WASTE of time to me. Is the REAL reason "she doesn't need to know" stem from an insecurity of losing her because you still want a sense of complacency and stability in your life? Even though you have sex with other women you ironically seem to have a scarcity mentality to me.
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You nailed everything on the head, and if you want an answer, here it is: My actions were motivated to get laid. The number I've fucked is 15ish. My logistics hit a rut, and the club is 2 hours away. I hooked a nympho pretty easy that was local. Had tons of sex, she wanted to date, I went with it, drastically increased my security of fuck skills. Got my logistics taken care of,so I broke up with her because now I'm out on the prowl again. The real reason she didn't get told I started having sex with other girls, is because I wanted to keep the booty call card, greed, or not losing her. I broke up with her and still have the card, so everything is exactly how I want it.
I know how to predict myself, and I figure the trend I'm starting is that if I get into another LTR, I'm not going to change my ways. This last relationship was the only one I've cheated in so far, so I plan on staying single (as I was unhappy from the start about dating, it just seemed like great thing to go with while I was drunk and pulling her panties off), as dating exclusively would be against my goals.
I've been trying to avoid getting my personal life involved in a debate because then it becomes a self-help situational thread, which I roll my eyes at daily.
I know how to predict myself, and I figure the trend I'm starting is that if I get into another LTR, I'm not going to change my ways. This last relationship was the only one I've cheated in so far, so I plan on staying single (as I was unhappy from the start about dating, it just seemed like great thing to go with while I was drunk and pulling her panties off), as dating exclusively would be against my goals.
I've been trying to avoid getting my personal life involved in a debate because then it becomes a self-help situational thread, which I roll my eyes at daily.
__________________
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Internet Marketing forums - www.wickedfire.com
My favorite radio station -- http://www.iheart.com/#/live/4828/
High value marketing coaching - www.ppc-coach.com
My favorite books - The Millionaire Fastlane // Four Hour Work Week // 7 Habits of Highly Effective People // Think and Grow Rich // Power of Now // Sex God Method
Quintessence of RSD -- http://www.rsdnation.com/node/176208/forum
Internet Marketing forums - www.wickedfire.com
My favorite radio station -- http://www.iheart.com/#/live/4828/
High value marketing coaching - www.ppc-coach.com
My favorite books - The Millionaire Fastlane // Four Hour Work Week // 7 Habits of Highly Effective People // Think and Grow Rich // Power of Now // Sex God Method
sooooo, ur opinions are based on you having had ONE fuck buddy type situation in your life.
Something tells me this will not be an issue for you for a long time to cum.
Something tells me this will not be an issue for you for a long time to cum.
__________________
Hai!!!
Why are you basing what's right or wrong on what behaviour you like?
It's not behaviour that I like or dislike. It's universal. I don't understand why this is so difficult for you to grasp. I don't know a single person who would prefer to be around dishonest people, everything else being equal.
Do you?
I am simply saying cheating is dishonest. And people don't like dishonest. Nobody likes dishonest. That's universal. Even immoral criminals get upset when somebody cheats them or lies to them.
The OP's question was, why is cheating bad?
Because it's dishonest. It's pretty simple, really.
I don't understand why the OP doesn't just have "open" relationships? And not committ to BF/ GF status?
It seems like he wants his GF's to be faithful and monogamous. And he doesn't want to be.
Basically, he wants to establish rules that his GF should live by and than ignore those rules he agreed upon. That's called a hypocrite. And just one more reason why cheating is bad.
I don't know anyone who likes hypocrites. Again, universal. Not my personal set of morals. It's universally agreed upon and accepted.
My question is. Why bother establishing the rules?
That's all being a BF/ GF is. It's establishing rules that both of you have agreed to live by.
If you think the rules are stupid. Don't imply you are going to live by them. Or don't agree to them. Again. Simple. But don't agree to them than contradict them. That seems unneccessary.
Be in open relationships. Date girls casually. Be fuck buddies. Be friends with benefits. Don't be her boyfriend.
None of this involves being a hypocrite or dishonest.
I don't understand why this is so difficult?
It's not something I don't grasp, but some things that you or others may find "self-evident" are just things you never really applied critical thinking to.
For instance what about white lies?
Why is it bad to be a hypocrite?
All ideas and principles rely on assumptions. If you believe something it's because you want to believe it, not because of inherent universal values that men of integrity live up to.
DroppingKnowledge do you ever tell others to "just be cool"? lol lol
For instance what about white lies?
Why is it bad to be a hypocrite?
All ideas and principles rely on assumptions. If you believe something it's because you want to believe it, not because of inherent universal values that men of integrity live up to.
DroppingKnowledge do you ever tell others to "just be cool"? lol lol
__________________
Jeffy Bootcamp Alumnus Oct 30-Nov 1, 2009
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/138865
Life changing self-esteem article by Tyler
http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=12471
Excellent post about practice and consistency by Ozzie. Really hits home.
http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=13223
Field report thread.
http://rsdnation.com/node/127554
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/138865
Life changing self-esteem article by Tyler
http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=12471
Excellent post about practice and consistency by Ozzie. Really hits home.
http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=13223
Field report thread.
http://rsdnation.com/node/127554
@ Koolaid
I would say people prefer honesty over dishonesty in the same way people prefer orgasms over somebody jamming a stick in their eye.
It's pretty universal.
Can you find an exception? Sure. I'm sure there is some freak out there that enjoys getting jabbed in the eye with sharp objects. Does that void it from being universal? No.
Why is it bad to be a hypocrite?
Because people naturally don't like it in the same way people naturally don't like migraine headaches.
If somebody told you, "You shouldn't approach that girl over there. She is married and has a bad attitude" And than you saw this same person hitting on the girl he steered you away from.
That's hypocricy and it doesn't sit well. Not because society says it shouldn't sit well. It doesn't sit well because you don't like being manipulated.
Nobody had to teach me that. I naturally don't like being manipulated or lied too.
Are you really trying to make the argument these are "subjective" concepts?
To me dishonesty and hypocricy are pretty static and concrete.
It's not really up for personal interpretation. 99 out of 100 random and nuetrual people would agree dishonesty is bad and honesty is good. That makes it pretty universal.
In the same way, rape or murder isn't up for personal interpretation.
And everyone pretty much agrees upon that.
Are you really unable to accept that?
I would say people prefer honesty over dishonesty in the same way people prefer orgasms over somebody jamming a stick in their eye.
It's pretty universal.
Can you find an exception? Sure. I'm sure there is some freak out there that enjoys getting jabbed in the eye with sharp objects. Does that void it from being universal? No.
Why is it bad to be a hypocrite?
Because people naturally don't like it in the same way people naturally don't like migraine headaches.
If somebody told you, "You shouldn't approach that girl over there. She is married and has a bad attitude" And than you saw this same person hitting on the girl he steered you away from.
That's hypocricy and it doesn't sit well. Not because society says it shouldn't sit well. It doesn't sit well because you don't like being manipulated.
Nobody had to teach me that. I naturally don't like being manipulated or lied too.
Are you really trying to make the argument these are "subjective" concepts?
To me dishonesty and hypocricy are pretty static and concrete.
It's not really up for personal interpretation. 99 out of 100 random and nuetrual people would agree dishonesty is bad and honesty is good. That makes it pretty universal.
In the same way, rape or murder isn't up for personal interpretation.
And everyone pretty much agrees upon that.
Are you really unable to accept that?
hypocrisy is also less mean stuff like your parents telling you to not smoke, and then smoking or something.
Again there's white lies. Or evasive placating lies like you're late to meeting up with someone and you say you got stuck in traffic or whatever. Not super great, but mildly placating if no one finds out.
The reason we don't like the actions you described it is because it's mean, not the inherent value of the act.
Erm and in terms of rape some cultures feel perfectly fine doing so based on the circumstances. Same with the USA and murder too.
Again there's white lies. Or evasive placating lies like you're late to meeting up with someone and you say you got stuck in traffic or whatever. Not super great, but mildly placating if no one finds out.
The reason we don't like the actions you described it is because it's mean, not the inherent value of the act.
Erm and in terms of rape some cultures feel perfectly fine doing so based on the circumstances. Same with the USA and murder too.
__________________
Jeffy Bootcamp Alumnus Oct 30-Nov 1, 2009
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/138865
Life changing self-esteem article by Tyler
http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=12471
Excellent post about practice and consistency by Ozzie. Really hits home.
http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=13223
Field report thread.
http://rsdnation.com/node/127554
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/138865
Life changing self-esteem article by Tyler
http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=12471
Excellent post about practice and consistency by Ozzie. Really hits home.
http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=13223
Field report thread.
http://rsdnation.com/node/127554
LOL!!!
U seriously did not take the time to change ur entire 2nd post in this thread to make it look better.
But hey, who cares anyway...
U seriously did not take the time to change ur entire 2nd post in this thread to make it look better.
But hey, who cares anyway...
__________________
Popsail
Respected Member
Join Date: 08/29/2008 | Posts: 304
For me, if I have a girlfriend and we've promised exclusivity, then there's no way i'm cheating.
Why? because I see my title of 'boyfriend' more highly than an occasional fuck with another girl..
Means that cheating isn't benificial for me, it's against my interest of preserving my view of the word 'boyfriend'.
If you have no value for your agreements, then go cheat..
By the way, if you saw a suitcase with 1mil$ in it.. and in order to get it, you need to kill someone, then assuming you KNOW no one else will ever know - will you kill him?
What if you have to kill some girl you fucked once?
'Doing what's best for me at all times' is ok, but do you really know what's best for you?
Who said physical gratification is better than psychological gratification?
Just my 2 cents.. :)
EDIT: Just to be clear - if you're getting psychological gratification from cheating, this means insecurity -- You get validation that you're still attractive to different girls.
Getting psychological gratification from being authentic and loyal means - I'm in control of myself and live life the way I see fit [also means you're way past the "survival" mode].
Most people here tried to tell you it's wrong cuz you're hurting her.. but some of them miss the point you've mode - you're taking the risk.
I tell you it's wrong cuz of what it does to you. Again, if you honestly see nothing wrong with it, feel good with it and are doing it out of choice and not 'need of validation' - Do it.
Up untill recently, I saw amoralism as the only logical way to live.. Thing is.. ok so you get all these physical stuff, and then what? No point.. So again, living in a cave makes the same sense as being the richest man on earth, fucking 25 women a day and getting paid for it.
When you're past the 'survival' mode, then self-control and living the way you see fit starts to be more gratifying than having the most money and whatnot..
If you are poor though, and almost have nothing to feed on and stuff like that, then you're almost in survival mode so you know what you gotta do in order to get enough money and food..
That's not even amoralism.. It's the moral of putting your own life before others'..
Anyway, getting too deep and to places where different opinions make sense, depending on where you're coming from [angle, not neighberhood :) ].
Hope this helps =P
-Mark Twain.
'Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I am not afraid.'
-Marcus Aurelius.
'Just Do It.'
-NiKE.