THE FORUMS

April 19th, 2014
How do you deal with assholes in your life?
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zibaroo

Junior Member

Join Date: 06/22/2010 | Posts: 5

It seems to me that assholes have the advantage in todays world,girls are attracted to them,everyone does what they say and they get what the want most of the time.
therefore the number of assholes that im encountering is increasing,we got 2 choices 1.become one of them 2.learn how to deal with them

and the whole "dont react ,let it go,ignore it" only works for a short while,if you encounter these people on a frequent basis in your life(you cant cut out all of them sometimes) you cant go "ignoring it" until you death.

So how do you guys deal with them?
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#1

berlinrsd

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/29/2009 | Posts: 734

think
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#2

berlinrsd

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/29/2009 | Posts: 734

think
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#3
EazyDoesIt

EazyDoesIt

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/24/2009 | Posts: 673

You dont have to become a full-time asshole to get what you want in life. you just need to be able to draw personal boundaries.
And teach people how to treat you properly.

Sometimes, I'm sarcastic. Sometimes, I play along. Sometimes, I flip the script.
In some situations I might ignore shit.

With some people. You can play along. They realize you have a good sense of humor and they don't want to fuck with you anymore.
Some people don't even realize they are an asshole. I've shot somebody a dirty look before and they calibrate immediately.
Some people are trying to push your buttons. So, I'll flip the script on them. And beome the non-reactive one while pushing their buttons and making them flip out creating a complete back fire on their part.

I honestly don't know what makes me choose one method over the other "in the moment" except I have a quick read on the person/ the situation.
And I go with what I think will make them act cool towards me. And not be a dick anymore.
But you should never accept it. You either dismiss it. Deflect it. Flip it. Ignore it. Or handle it.
But you never ever ever accept abuse from somebody else.
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#4
gruenfeld

gruenfeld

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/21/2006 | Posts: 1282

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#5
slothfulpizza

slothfulpizza

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/19/2009 | Posts: 1009

cant say,im one of them.


i win!shades
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#6
semi charmed life

semi charmed life

Senior Member

Join Date: 06/11/2010 | Posts: 111

Depends on the situation. I have field tested many approaches at dealing with people crossing my boundaries over the twenty something years I've been alive. Generally I agree strongly with what EAZYDOESIT has to say on the topic.


Cutting them down without emotional reaction can work: THe other day a busdriver made some snide comment at me about wasting his time, so I very politely turned it around and made his statement look dumb. I did it all without malice or emotional tone. Basically I knew I was right so I had no reason to react emotionally. Also, since I had my girl with me at the time, it would have been inappropriate to either a) just take the shit and be a sucker, or b) start a confrontation. IMO girls look down on emotionally reactive behaviour as well as passiveness. Guys may think its 'tough' to get all up in someones face (omg I nearly said grill) and confrontational, but in reality, its like trying to kill a fly with a machine gun.


Being verbally aggressive isn't cool: A while back some grossly obese chick was hassling me about being 'ugly' which is untrue, but I was angered by her hypocrisy so I began to tear her down. While she deserved this totally and completely, it was not a cool way to handle the situation. I reacted emotionally and made myself look like an immature dick, which weakened the strength of my comments and gave them less punch.


Ignoring the issue isn't cool: I used to try and 'ignore' bullies at high school, because people told me that would make me look more mature. But as a result they just picked on me more because it was so easy to get away with. Usually, what you think is 'aloof ignoring' comes across as passive and helpless, and the fact that you are annoyed or sad is written all over your face. I don't recommend this, unless there is physical danger (ie a gang of thugs are trying to start you at 3am and you have no backup, and a girl to protect). These days, if I am severely outnumbered by a gang, I usually give a dirty look but keep walking to show that I'm not down to fight.


YOu have to recognise too if you are 'asking for it' through your own actions. Once I was leaning on some random guys car, so he came up and was all up in my grill:-P (tried so hard not to say it!) about it. I was a smartass back to him, and a fight nearly started. I ended up apologising, but I should have done this first off, even though he was a fool, I shouldn't have been so cocky and leaning on his car to begin with. My bad. I learned something that day. Another time a mate of mine nearly got attacked by a 6'3" bad tempered bodybuilder because he set off the alarm on his car while drunk. Luckily old mate was 6'8" and 140kg, with very good people skills and a calm demeanour, otherwise he would have been undoubtedly EATEN. Again, it was a confrontation that didn't need to happen.


Criticising the action not the person works and makes you look better. Once I was subjected to a corporate asshole when I was working, he was basically trying to make me look like a fool infront of my father and insulted me, so I basically called him on the comment he made and said he should apologise for it. He back pedalled and started acting more respectful. In this context, it was appropriate to show some controlled emotion but of course keep things professional in nature.
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#7

Jonnyjones

Senior Member

Join Date: 07/25/2008 | Posts: 173

I think u get touched at night
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#8
besserwisser

besserwisser

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/28/2008 | Posts: 3090

Jeffy recommended this book about de-escalation. I think this could be useful. He never gave any tips though.
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#9
Manwhore

Manwhore

Trusted Member

Join Date: 11/08/2006 | Posts: 6638

This is great advice.  I can't precisely explain why I choose my course of action either.  It's a feeling.. a level of calibration.  I throw out the minimum level of effort I think might be necessary, or I read someone's actions and make a judgment.  But in th end what it REALLY comes down to is I have a BROAD range of possibilities to choose from.  I GIVE myself, ALL of these options.  Being unreactive, i.e. in this case passive- doesn't work..?  I say something to show them I'm completely unaffected.  Doesn't work or I can tell its not worth my effort?  I shoot them a look that tells them very clearly I'm not to be fucked with.  This doesn't work..?  I say something cruel and unusual to directly let them know they're treading on dangerous territory and its not worth their effort to continue with their present course.  It can even escalate from there

Many guys face these situations and feel super uncomfortable about shooting a guy a "dirty look" or telling someone to fuck off.  None of that here.  You need to give yourself free realm to handle your life situation.  No one else will give it to you, you will not find it on a forum. 

Do it. 
EazyDoesIt wrote:
You dont have to become a full-time asshole to get what you want in life. you just need to be able to draw personal boundaries.
And teach people how to treat you properly.

Sometimes, I'm sarcastic. Sometimes, I play along. Sometimes, I flip the script.
In some situations I might ignore shit.

With some people. You can play along. They realize you have a good sense of humor and they don't want to fuck with you anymore.
Some people don't even realize they are an asshole. I've shot somebody a dirty look before and they calibrate immediately.
Some people are trying to push your buttons. So, I'll flip the script on them. And beome the non-reactive one while pushing their buttons and making them flip out creating a complete back fire on their part.

I honestly don't know what makes me choose one method over the other "in the moment" except I have a quick read on the person/ the situation.
And I go with what I think will make them act cool towards me. And not be a dick anymore.
But you should never accept it. You either dismiss it. Deflect it. Flip it. Ignore it. Or handle it.
But you never ever ever accept abuse from somebody else.

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Sometimes you win, and sometimes, you win. Pua text game
yo
By Manwhore
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#10
Powerhouse

Powerhouse

Trusted Member

Join Date: 06/22/2009 | Posts: 1754

a high dose of succinylcholine, a cinderblock, and a rope
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