THE FORUMS

January 20th, 2017
Why are SMART people SHY, INTROVERTED, and SOCIALLY AWKWARD???!
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#11

PdZ75

Senior Member

Join Date: 07/13/2009 | Posts: 205

DarthVader wrote:
Another aspect of it is pure social conditioning, which starts young and creates a nasty negative feedback loop.  If you're "smart," you're taught to build your identity around being smarter than everyone else--effectively putting up your own wall between them.  You also realize from an early age that it doesn't get you picked in sports, doesn't get you girls, doesn't make you popular, etc.  Those are other skills.  However, rather than be taught how to cultivate those skills, you're given supremely bad advice on how to make friends, then you're encouraged to devote your attentions and focus to rather solitary activities: schoolwork, reading, quiet study, etc.  All of that stuff just makes you more isolated, even more bitter.  You stop wanting to be social and expressive because the rejection and awkwardness just hurts too much.  They're practiced at these things, but you're not.  It's like asking your typical playground basketball player to jump into an NBA game and keep up with the big boys.  You're just out of your league, which makes you doubt yourself, which makes you withdraw into your head even more.
+1

But it still means there is only one direction: Learn the social stuff.
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#12
GreyMatter

GreyMatter

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Join Date: 12/17/2008 | Posts: 408

I think the real question is "why is smartness usually associated to shy, introverted and socially awkward people who do well at science, math, etc.?"

For whatever weird reason, people don't usually associate smartness to cool guys who do well in these subjects.
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#13
Halffull

Halffull

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Join Date: 12/23/2006 | Posts: 3178

Yeah, smart cool guys don't act "intellectual', they don't feel the need to show off their smartness, the more insecure one's actually hide it.
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#14
slothfulpizza

slothfulpizza

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Join Date: 10/19/2009 | Posts: 920

probably because IQ and EQ are two different things.most of them use their IQ to impress others and get validation hence their social skill set is only restricted to intellegence.where as someone who is an extrovert and socially smart may not really need intellegence to sort things out for him always.

what i feel is EQ is independent.and IQ is mostly dependent on EQ.you know how people usually study more,work harder to get a better paying job or a college just so that people could appriciate them and they could feel good about themselves.IQ has a lot to do with rewards which validate the person,EQ is free of this.

tyler talks about this as situational confidence.in situations where they have to show they are mentally awesome they will do well but at a house party i dont fucking think so.his intellegence is no good there!so he feels out of place.and hence withdraws.

a person with a healthy EQ can easily do well in any place.i mean come on,some chicks are so fucking dumb,they still use their social skills to get what they want dont they? Buy me a drink? sound familiar?

but its not like one cant develop their emotional side or their intellegence.
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#15
besserwisser

besserwisser

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Join Date: 07/28/2008 | Posts: 3090

Think about it like this:

While the smart kinds are learning/ working on whatever, the maybe less people are outside socializing.
So, the smart people lack the social experiences while the social people may not be as clever in the end.

It's just how they spent their time.
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#16
jkdballer

jkdballer

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Join Date: 07/08/2009 | Posts: 194

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Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are. - Dale Carnegie
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#17
Tyler

Tyler

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Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 8773

Typically people who lack "reproductive value" will try to build value through themselves by other means -- becoming smarter, wealthier, etc.

Tyler
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#18
Kaleidoscope

Kaleidoscope

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Join Date: 09/20/2006 | Posts: 2063

This has been summed up pretty well so far but....

Yeah, I'm 'smart' but I'm a total dumbarse socially and it took me years to just be normal and reasonably cool. I'd say that CERTAIN high IQ people like myself, throughout our childhood, are used to achievieng EXTERNALLY eg we always did well at school etc so we never had to develop an internal locus of judgement. People who have a worse time in school/achieving goals at a young age are likely to have better coping mechanisms like being more INTERNALLY centred because they have needed to develop this ability and rely on themselves, not others, for validation and judgement. Because of this, they don't give a shit as much about how others rate them, which makes them more socially uninhibited and less affected by 'rejections' or 'people saying they're weird' etc.
Just a theory....a massive generalisation in fact. It won't apply to everyone.
Apart from that I don't think theres any correlation between IQ and social skills/'pickup' as people say.
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#19
fishbulb

fishbulb

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Join Date: 04/27/2007 | Posts: 405

I have no idea. I don't even think I agree with the basic premise

This is interesting en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollonian_and_Dionysian
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#20
Koolaid

Koolaid

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Join Date: 03/02/2007 | Posts: 2245

How about dumb people who are shy, introverted, and socially awkward? They definitely exist too but it's not interesting to ponder about.

The average normal dude has 7 sexual partners or something in a lifetime and usually within the context of a relationship.

People are rarely above average in multiple areas. Which is why you don't see smart and good with girls too often.

Or smart, rich, good-looking, good with girls, can play a musical instrument, tall, ripped, rides a motorcycle, and is a vampire.

Or dumb, poor, ugly, bad with girls, no skills, short, fat, rides the bus, and is a faggot.
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http://www.rsdnation.com/node/138865

Life changing self-esteem article by Tyler
http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=12471

Excellent post about practice and consistency by Ozzie. Really hits home.
http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=13223

Field report thread.
http://rsdnation.com/node/127554
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