THE FORUMS

December 5th, 2016
What makes it easy and what makes it hard...and why some guys get it faster.
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Powerhouse

Powerhouse

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Join Date: 06/22/2009 | Posts: 1711

Mindsets and frames....mindsets and frames...

I'm a little faded right now, so please do forgive the rambling nature that this post may take...

I had been thinking about this shit earlier, but after my meetup today I thought I'd bang out some writing regarding my thoughts on why pickup can be so FUCKING EASY and so FUCKING HARD at the same time. I've boiled it down to mindsets and frames. If you have a positive mindset, sooner or later you're just going to get it. If you have a strong frame, it's easy to have a positive mindset and visa versa. 

Why is pickup easy?
Let's go down to the most basic level....
You are a man, she is a woman...you are both literally designed to fit together.
Women like a man to validate their emotions, men often like women for the same reason (whether right or wrong, this is how it often is)

When you meet someone you have chemistry with, it's just fucking effortless. It's like you've known the person forever and you're just catching up. You both like each other and you both want to get to know each other, emotionally and physically. You don't have to try to "pull anything off" because there is nothing to pull off....it's just you being you and her being her... letting the attraction naturally rise...The only thing you need to do is let it happen and when the lights come on and the club is ready to close, all you have to say is, "Let's go", she says, "where to?", you say, "My car/my house/taxi/pizza/fun/yay" and fly off into the night on the wings of love.

Why is it hard?
I liken it to chemistry. 
There's something called "activation energy".
Any given chemical reaction takes a certain amount of energy to initiate it. 
Some things like nitroglycerin ignite at a very light touch. C4 however takes a fairly powerful charge in order to detonate.
Activation energy.
When you step into that club, you don't know what's going to happen. All you know is that you're going to approach, express from the core and show intent.
That is if you're not a anyway.
You might get laid, you might not.
It's the unknown. 

I don't even really like this section, "What makes it hard" because it's just a matter of your attitude and changing your attitude is pretty fucking easy.
Some guys feel like something magical has to happen in order for them to "activate". It's nothing but a mental block. There is NOTHING holding you back from stepping into that club and just rocking the fuck out.

With a weak frame or a negative mindset every blowout is just another reinforcement that you are a chode, that you're going to die old and poor and lonely. cry The rejection is a personal attack against your identity.

With a strong frame or a positive mindset every blowout just means you've filtered out another girl you don't have chemistry with. You know it's not you she rejected, it was your approach. Oh well, that's life, let's go find another!

What is the purpose behind having a negative mindset? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU EVEN GO THERE? Comfort zones... It's not benefitting you to face rejection after rejection, so it's easier to just go home, watch reruns of CSI and settle nicely back into your comfort zone.

Does that sound pleasant to you? Would you rather see the same story about how Grisham solves the crime and saves the day or would you rather blow your load past the tonsils of a hot little 21 year old blonde?

Please...think about this....

Guys, this shit is like going to the gym. Any faggot can go once a week, lift a couple weights, complain about how sore he is, go home, jerk off and eat some In n Out. 
If you push that initial period of discomfort, you'll be like, "Damn, I lost 15 pounds this month...I didn't even really notice".
The progress may be slow and uncomfortable at first, but those who can deal with the discomfort will see the results.
Pain is weakness leaving the body. By pushing past the pain, you realize it was no big deal.

How to cultivate a positive mindset?
The club isn't real.
You are not being rejected. These people don't fucking know you.
They don't know a damn thing about you. They are judging you from an incredibly brief interaction.
If someone doesn't like your witty opener or a compliment to their appearance, does that make you a bad person?
Fuck no.
No everyone is going to like you. If everyone does like you, it probably means that no one is going to love you. You're vanilla.
This shit is STATISTICS guys. Independent events. A blowout from one approach does not guarantee a blowout during the next approach. 
This shit is FUN. You're going out, meeting new people, entertaining yourself, making connections, singing, dancing, laughing.

It's the guys that laugh at the rejections and turn the club into a playground that become the masters.
They're just playing a game, whether they win or lose has no say about who they are as a person.

It's the guys that say, "Oh man, I gotta do my approaches...this is hard work" that don't have fun, end up getting burned out, and return home to drink alone in the darkness.

Which one do you want to be? Only you are responsible for how you feel.

Go out, it's fun.

If you don't get laid, that's life. If you do, that's life too. You can't control the girl's response, all you can do is approach and express, so get the fuck out there and make it happen.
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#1
UtopiaFive

UtopiaFive

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Join Date: 09/16/2008 | Posts: 4956

Powerhouse wrote:

It's the guys that laugh at the rejections and turn the club into a playground that become the masters.
They're just playing a game, whether they win or lose has no say about who they are as a person.

It's the guys that say, "Oh man, I gotta do my approaches...this is hard work" that don't have fun, end up getting burned out, and return home to drink alone in the darkness.

Yeah, these 3 lines might totally be all needed to explain the differences between my "its a drag" nights and "sexy times" nights. 
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#2
McMurphy21

McMurphy21

Member

Join Date: 04/11/2010 | Posts: 68

awesome article Powerhouse

"Pain is weakness leaving the body"

I love that
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"If you are taking more action than anyone else why should you care about their opinion?" ~Derek
"People will never remember what you try to teach them, but they'll always remember how you made them feel." - Richard Sauerman
The idea is you are in the wrong scale. You have to say fuck the socially conditioned value scale. And play by the scale of what makes a “real man”. A man that has integrity and knows his self worth. SO THAT WHEN YOU STEP TO THAT GIRL YOU DON’T GET SCARED BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT PLAYING BY HER SOCIAL CONDITIONED VALUE SYSTEM. BUT YOUR OWN INTERNAL VALUE SYSTEM. -Mr. Mtl Madison
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#3
IvánPérez

IvánPérez

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Join Date: 07/05/2008 | Posts: 1714

5 stars, dude.
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Some principles that have been getting me some success:
- When I'm out: it's me-time. I focus on expressing myself and doing what's fun for me, I don't care about girls. Self-absorbedness.
- 'It's all good, it's going to be fine, I am enough'. No worries or concerns. Let the dynamics work for me.
- Nobody is going to pull girls home for me. Self-image will stop you, take action regardless.
- Focus on finding a girl DTF vs. trying to game/arouse/whatever girl after girl.

IvánPérez.
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#4
Powerhouse

Powerhouse

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Join Date: 06/22/2009 | Posts: 1711

Here's a bit from Derrick that I think is particularly relevant to this thread...

"It took me 6 years of involvement with this and I spent 4 of those years in relationships. In all fairness, these new guys coming into this and the instructors in RSD, I can attest to are elite elite players themselves, they been involved in this for 2 years, 1.5 years, 2 years, and they are VERY VERY GOOD....The common thread in picking that up so quickly is a strong dedication, being around other guys to cut your learning curve...you can learn this extremely quickly, you can get very good results in a couple months, with extreme dedication you could be a truly elite player in a years time...two years max depending on how much time you can dedicate..."
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#5

bags247

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Join Date: 04/13/2010 | Posts: 212

Powerhouse wrote:
Here's a bit from Derrick that I think is particularly relevant to this thread...

"It took me 6 years of involvement with this and I spent 4 of those years in relationships. In all fairness, these new guys coming into this and the instructors in RSD, I can attest to are elite elite players themselves, they been involved in this for 2 years, 1.5 years, 2 years, and they are VERY VERY GOOD....The common thread in picking that up so quickly is a strong dedication, being around other guys to cut your learning curve...you can learn this extremely quickly, you can get very good results in a couple months, with extreme dedication you could be a truly elite player in a years time...two years max depending on how much time you can dedicate..."

Good point, surrounding yourself with people who've gone down the road already is a huge help. The question is, how does one do it? 
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#6
nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2296

great post.

not every girl out there is going to like you. get over it....



and as Jay-Z says "on to the next one"
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http://www.rsdnation.com/node/147107 < self improvement (2010-2012)
the universe shall giveth and the universe shall taketh 
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#7
jaymax

jaymax

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Join Date: 04/22/2010 | Posts: 19

Cool Cool. I need to keep to internalize this stuff. Going on my favorites.
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#8
gman3

gman3

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Join Date: 06/13/2008 | Posts: 250

That's a sick quote. So true. Basically if you are leading yourself in a positive direction, why should you care about the opinion of others?
Which talk is this from?? 
VisionsDivine wrote:



Powerhouse wrote:
Here's a bit from Derrick that I think is particularly relevant to this thread...

"It took me 6 years of involvement with this and I spent 4 of those years in relationships. In all fairness, these new guys coming into this and the instructors in RSD, I can attest to are elite elite players themselves, they been involved in this for 2 years, 1.5 years, 2 years, and they are VERY VERY GOOD....The common thread in picking that up so quickly is a strong dedication, being around other guys to cut your learning curve...you can learn this extremely quickly, you can get very good results in a couple months, with extreme dedication you could be a truly elite player in a years time...two years max depending on how much time you can dedicate..."


That talk he did that day puts you in a different headspace, it does change your way of thinking. My signature comes from it too. I listen to it because is the kind of influence I want to have around me. You can even "know" his frame just by listening to his tonality.
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#9

imthaifool

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Join Date: 02/09/2009 | Posts: 219

Who is Derrick?
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#10

Robinio

Junior Member

Join Date: 02/24/2010 | Posts: 6

Added to favorites shades
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