December 11th, 2018
Distant Light "Socialite & Spiritual Monk"
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Distant Light

Distant Light

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

Fr: Zero Quality Control
I remember a nightlife guru stating that he must work because if he doesn't then people will have no social events to go to. He also makes the comment of "Well, go open a nighclub of your own" to those who have negative views about people in the nightlife industry. Truer words couldn't be spoken as I witnessed for the first time TOTAL SHIT. Basically majority of the club owners, amazing promoters and well known doormen at all the high end clubs are still away from NY in all the jet-set new years eve destinations. (Most exotic is the model promoter who went to Floripa to celebrate NYE at a venue that is owned by a NY club owner)

Mix had problems with the door dude at our regular spot so he basically quit there, so we bounce to a spot we generally go too which is packed outside BUT instantly I mention "Wow, not a single girl comes close to my height, that's not good". It's chaotic an we don't really want to go swindle our way to the front an ask for a favor of letting in TWO guys. (The beauty of being solo is that you can get in anywhere that you have connections to)

100% conviction is key!!
So we end up going to a 3rd venue where the doorman knows us, he lets us in BUT it becomes apparent very quickly that he doesn't run the door. He's actually there just to let in the few normal promoters and regulars who go there. When I walk in I'm already ready to rumble, to the point that this guy checking stamps stops me an I just show my wrist completely unaware that he's looking to see if I had a stamp. THEY ARE CHARGING COVER because the usual management isn't even running the club, it's some one-off party. However, once in I'm yelling/screaming an this chick walking by I grab an pull close to me, kiss her on the cheek and tell her I'll see her later. Right after this I notice the quality is fucking bad...

Imagine going to a venue where you generally see atleast 10-30 women that could come close to your ideal type and then all of a sudden being in a venue that actually has FAT CHICKS. I don't mean to be shallow or anything but fuck when a good doorman and club manages the quality it truly is something amazing. I was literally cracking up as fat chicks bump me an dudes aggresively try to bypass me in order to isolate a chick on the sofa and makeout. There was only ONE chick who had potential but was actually slightly old and lacked female polarity. (Meaning, despite her being tall I wouldn't really notice her at all)

Later in the night I realized I forgot my jacket in mix's car so I go to smoking section to get it. I then remembered I must face the door people again. (Mix didn't have to pay because VIP manager guy noticed them trying to charge him an he stated that mix doesn't need to pay) I mumble that I was already in hear an just show him my hand saying "I've been dancing my mark rubbed off". There is clearly NO MARK AT ALL hahaha, he just accepts it and lets me go.

The Night...
Was fun in the normal sense of me discovering new songs BUT women wise it was shitty. Heck I bumped into an RSD intern that I used to hang with way back and RSD Ryan, they were about to leave early and hit the streets. Early in the night though I somehow had some chick infront of me dancing which I was cracking up since normally I wouldn't even think to flirt with this chick. However, I rather have some spontaneous fun than just stand around so I play with her for about 30secs and just slap her ass. (I notice her ass was actually pretty good in a, thick kind of way BUT I wouldn't actually have sex with her)

By time mix left, I went full bitchy stripper mode which means I stood around dancing, observing male/female interactions and just enjoying the music. While doing this some chick who was with a dude kept dancing infront of me and BLATANTLY trying to get me to approach her. It was actually abit odd because I was real aloof just smiling/smirking/laughing every so often as she moves infront of me or basically puts her body on me. This went on for about 10mins, I did play for about 30secs but I wasn't going to fuck up this guy's night by messing with a chick I'm not even attracted to.

At one point, I got sucked into the music which then caused a chick to approach me and telling me to dance with her friend who happens to be the doorgirl. This ALWAYS goes bad as I come in an the chick has no clue wtf is going on, I'm laughing she plays abit but is nervous. I stop an just tell the chick that her friend is shy.

Eventually I left, an before I go home I always walk near the tops night venues to see what the door looks like. One spot in particular had HORRIBLE quality but it was obvious none of the management was even working that night. Another spot wasn't even open on SATURDAY because all those fuckers are in miami with all there hot ass chicks. I also seen like a 10set which had all UNATTRACTIVE women. Mix told me NYE was also bad quality an a waste also.

My respect for those who work in the high end venues because it truly is a "Premium" nightlife experience they provide. I looked at pictures of one promoter who is down in miami an he has naked chicks, drag queens, interesting decor at the venue. I remember looking at "Victoria Secrets" after party at one venue and DAMN HOTTIES.

P.S...This night actually would've gone over better if we were at the orignal venue since mix had about 10 chicks who he said were ok. Thing is all this would be irrelevant if we actually brought hotties with us an just hung out doing our thing. It's this reason why certain dudes pull hotties exclusively, as one dude who only hangs out with models and refuse to bring out any other women. As a result, he's around models 24/7 so if he wants to have sex the only women he can truly fool around with is the models around him. I personally don't care about actual models, it's just a metaphor for TALL and SLIM. When I say "High Fashion" or "Glamour" model I'm refering to her body since glamour models have better bodies while high fashion are  generally are just tall and slim. So longs a woman is tall, european looking and comes close to a high fashion or glamour model body then I'm open to the possiblity of having sex.
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Distant Light

Distant Light

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Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

Cracking Down On The System... (Yep, more brain dump as I wait like an army wife)
Recently had an experience that made me aware of a huge hole within my system. This caused me to really start cracking down an growing up both internally and externally. Things have reached a point where no one will be able to relate nor can I use the proper words to describe it all, so I won't bother. All I can say is that in the "Exploration Of Consciousness" department I've made so much breakthroughs and it's clearly effecting how I am in general. Anywho, staying on topic with this thread/forum...

I've finally become fully comfortable living in my own reality, meaning I no longer second guess any of the personalized tools that I use because it hel me and also no one will ever know those metephors/symbols/analogies used unless I actually state them. As a result, I'm now just letting the simulation play out as I BE.

Long story short, I've mixed the tools I use in exploration of consciousness to help crackdown on my internal processes. I was expanding my awareness an as a result started noticing lots of cracks within my viewpoint. When I'm fully open an running again, I'm spending the whole year challenging/testing everything that consists within my model of reality.

Although it's a waste to really go indepth, I've notice I have much more clarity in my intentions, I enjoy the elegance of my processes, (And how they come together) I'm becoming more detached from ME. (I'm just a character interacting through unique interpretations & constraints) It's almost like I'm playing with a crash dummy putting in inputs an just letting it go as I experience, learn and grow from it.

Constraints, Constraints, Constraints...
Due to fully understanding that intent is a natural filter, I've started to tighten up onthings because denying the existence of intent naturally filtering out what you don't want means belief-traps can cause you to intend half-assed. Basically, I learnt this when I noticed that generalized intent didn't work in larger reality BUT when I intended clearly everything else deemed irrelevant was blocked out. In normal physical life, which happens more or less with EVERYONE is that gay ass beliefs that are unprofitable and a waste of thought process holds back the CLARITY of your intentions. By now you can probably predict that I've cleaned out all retard BS beliefs that were unprofitable. (Atleast the ones I'm aware of)

So what is left?

Now I'm focused 100% on the women who come closest to my ideal type when it comes to giving a woman the opportunity to potentially have full access to me. If she doesn't make that pre-requiste then at most she'll make a great female friend. (I still flirt with my female friends) It's nothing personal its just the way I am and I feel no need to have to justify my decision.

That doesn't mean chick who comes close to my ideal type automatically wins an can start cheering FUCK THAT. There are many women who come close to my ideal type, there are still thousands turning 18/21 everyday, the chick better come fucking correct an truly win me over because she is indirectly competing with all the other women out there.

Instantly, I noticed my TRUE DOMINANCE was starting to come back as I started going back to 08 era where I'd be thinking "This chick better make the cut or I'm walking away". Also all I think about now when I even think about meeting my ideal type is that she has no idea what she's getting into. She might be hot but that only gives her a chance...

She still must compete for me indirectly (sometimes directly) with other women, she has to be able to handle me and she has to make the cut. I've learnt to  let whatever happen happen while just enjoying the processes fully without tampering it. In time the consistency in my experiences will produce what is fact and what is fiction.

When I reread some of my old experiences during the months that I met macedonian chick (Hottest chick I ever fooled with) I noticed I didn't have certain beliefs I recently noticed I had. So when I went up to the women back then I dominated hardcore by going in screening HARD. I'm talking about, I'd roll up totally mindfucking the chick in a self-amusing and challenging manner. I remember back then 30secs in I'd scream "Wait!! Hold up!! Are you a food lover!? What's your favorite food? 5, 4, 3, 2,1 BARRRMM!!!!!!"

Only time will tell how this all will go down, all I know this year I'll be spending all my time challenging every thought, concept, understanding, etc that makes up my viewpoint. Make confirmations, gain better/deeper understandings, more experiences and discard all the ego, beliefs, fears that I wasn't aware of...

P.S...One of the hardest things in the past month or so was accepting that my life is imbalanced in a rather weird way. Most live too much of a physical life that the lack understanding of the bigger picture whereas I have more experience in bigger picture thoughts than my actual physical life. This was pointed out by the author of MBT who also pointed out that it's a rough way to live because you KNOW, your aware BUT your physical life is lagging behind and could cause you to feel bitter. (Like your wasting lifetime potential) When I heard this it made so much sense since I no longer care about anything in life other than the growth of my consciousness and I now consider myself as a crash dummy that should be used for experimenting only. Each day that goes by I care less an less about physical things an only think "What experiments can I conduct in order to experience something an potentiall learn to grow".

P.S.S...I'm in this whole thing for life, I try to keep it all as understandable as possible which is why I try not to go indepth because the details wouldn't be helpful for anyone. On another note, my mother told me a patient of hers asked her if she's ever had an OBE, she mentioned that I talk about it but she just considers me crazy. Patient chick, told my mother she's wrong an that I should keep doing it because what she's learned is what helped her go through all the shit she had to go through later on in life. The point that really peaked my interest though was the passion she had describing to my mother how amazing the experiences actually are. That sort of passion resembles how amazing I consider the experiences of partying, socializing, dining out, women/sex, acting/film, etc is.
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Distant Light

Distant Light

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

Physical Reality System - The Upgrade
It was just yesterday I stated that I'd be cracking down on all my processes...

It's like everything was effortlessly automated once I focused my intent as today turned out to be the beginning of new processes added to the whole. The reason I think this time around everything was so effortless because of my intention. I'm not doing any of this for ME, it's for the brand and expansion of the overall service provided. From a big picture perspective it's just another avenue of experience, lessons and growth interconnected with the whole system that I call my lifestyle.

To put things in perspective for those reading, I tend to sleep 10 hours a day to prolong my work in "Exploration Of Consciousness" and I orginally planned on focusing on nightlife/hospitality related things 13 hours a day. When my life MAIN aspect of my life comes back into picture I willexperiment with going back to only sleeping (Consciousness-related working) 6 hours a day since I don't sleep for the sake of sleeping anymore nor am I ever actually tired when actually living. Right now I'm trying to see the average time needed to get through these processes...

Male Model Program
Haven't actually attempted to work out since 07 when I thought I was going to join the army and today, I basically rocked it out with no fuss at all. At first the main reason was to improve my flexibility so I don't feel stiff or like my range of motion is limiting me. Eventually as I started evolving the "Homo Erotic" mating dance there would be moments where I'd want to lift up these 5'10 chicks who I'd be messing around with. (I might add I'm never strong enough to actually assist pulling up a chick up on a pillar) An lastly sex in terms of stamina (which for some reason has always been good)

This is abit of irony since back when I had little to no facial hair chick's would assume I was a model. (This was 100% based on my overall look an build as opposed to actually being good looking, I still think I'm an average looking dude despite chicks rating me a 3-4 back in high school.) All my life I was confused as to how I was the same height an weight as male models BUT they looked like huge body builders in my mind. Only to actually realize when standing side by side in real life these dudes aren't big by any means and it's just they actually have some form of muscles.

I've don't want to get big, started becoming abit more open to experimenting with diets for the time being since I lack the actual life to even think about dining out at the moment. I'm not trying to go hard at all, since this aspect isn't a huge focus in the overall picture.

"United Nations" Language Program
I've gone back to learning russian again...

Due to how I view my lifestyle and how all the processes come together I realized I don't want to be FLUENT but just good enough to hold minimal conversation sorta like a foriegn chick who knows english BUT its obvious she isn't that great despite being able to communicate in english. I state this because from the long term view I want to learn...
-  Russian
-  French
-  Spanish
-  German
-  Portuguese
-  Polish
-  Italian
-  Romanian

All within my lifetime, as time goes on I'd naturally learn more and more BUT the main focus is to get an overview of all that way when I travel to different countries yearly I'll be able to HOST events much more easily and communicate with chicks who might not know english. Those languages were picked due to the frequency of girl's I tend to meet from those places and due to the countries that I want to travel to yearly speaking those languages.

"Ideal" Lifestyle Program
For the past month or so I haven't watched tv, don't play videogames and don't really waste time on internet...

Every moment of my waking life I'm thinking about lifestyle related programs and what's even crazier is I discovered another person who basically setup his "Work" in a way where he basically has retreats to Jet-Set locations similar to the model promoter in NY who flew into st tropez with shitloads of models. (Including chick I knew) The only difference is that this guy does it on a much larger scale as it seemed like every month or two he had atleast 1 BIG thing planned. This is very important to me since starting out I need to find ways to make an income that way I can travel yearly outside of NY 4-5 months out of the year while maintaining the same lifestyle of socializing, partying hard, dining out, traveling, extreme sports and champagne...CHAMPAIGN haha. (I'm still interested in acting but that along with other interests are on massive hold and possibly will never get explored)

I'm so focused (or caught up in the "stage & props" that I most enjoy) that each day I wake up now I run through some of my favorite videos. At first it was for me to not forget how I truly am when living life and now it's also a reconfirmation of where I'm headed. On a larger scale, I actually seen a potential opportunity that I could provide and so now I'm pursuing it relentlessly to kinda see what's what. Thankfully, all this social dynamics stuff have taught me how to use those TOOLS and implement it into my life in a way where I don't have to focus on women ever again and can just chill enjoying life.

Memorable "Sexual" Experience
I have ZERO intention of ever having another exclusive relationship nor am I ever getting married...

So I figured why not expand my sexuality and the experience I can give. Most already know I always talk about the only sex that interest me is passionate sex that's full of tension. Past month, I started piecing together things based on my experience and what I had read in order to start exploring once my life is back on track...

However, recently I started noticing something about myself internally. The reason I became addicted to passionate sex was due to the energy that it brought out of me. I generally had good control over it due to "Exploration Of Consciousness" releated things being much more stimulating BUT in terms of physical life this is the most powerful focused energy I've ever experienced. Don't ask me how but I became multi orgasmic for awhile now and so longs I'm sorta in the state of being I could have sex with a chick, cum and have sex 2-3 more times.

When I try to think back on the first time of being aware of this energy, I could only remember the fact that I'd save pictures of chicks that came close to my ideal type in order to gain clarity of what I truly wanted and over time that folder grew. Recently skimming through it I became aware of that same exact energy that I would have when messing around with a chick. (I'm addicted to it, which is why I'm big on passionate sex) I kept skimming through an noticed my body would be saying "Release" but 9 times out of 10 I wouldn't and instead meditate which it would all go away. However, on a subtle level I could feel the stimulation an so I started teasing myself by actually watching videos of people have passionate sex without actually orgasming. (Frankly put giving myself blue balls) The whole session would end by me going to meditate hahaha. Did this for like 5 days straight an my intent was fucking focused regardless if it the themese were sexual based, lifestyle based, etc. Based on what I'm experiencing I think I'm onto something so I decided...

Now most might be thinking I'm on that whole "To jerk or not to jerk" bs, nope because I've experimented to see what happens when I orgasm and for the first time in my life I actually become a sex addict that just wants to orgasm over and over. (This is how I learnt that I was possible multi orgasmic) The reason I can actually attempt this is because I actually feel incredible sensations when I'm in that "default" state. For some reason I become highly aware of physical sensation even when there isn't any actual stimulation.

This would explain my fascination for public sex an why many times I've ALMOST just took my pants off an was down for fucking a chick right where I was at. The irony is that I know it's mainly mental because I'm not actually HORNY since I could stop abruptly and have zero sense of being turned on. Although I can't find the video at the moment (Forgot to bookmark it) I had just saw a video today where a guy was basically ravishing a chick on the chair right by the beach while people were watching and a party is going on 15-20ft away.

EDIT: Larger reality psi at work? Instantly remembered right after posting this that I copied and pasted the link within one of my note files. So anywho perfect example of shit that would happen if I didn't STOP myself in certain situations. This would've happened in central park, time square, nightclubs, elevators, etc. (Of course like this couple there wasn't anyone directly there, although as of late I've been thinking about it while surrounded by other's)

All this might sound very confusing but basically my mission is to tease myself everyday without orgasm and see if I can use that energy to focus my intent more clearly in my day to day life. This isn't as easy as it sounds BUT I wanna see what's what, I'll potentially be open to orgasm if I'm actually having sex although as of late I've been able to just enjoy giving a chick a crazy sexual experience without need of orgasm. (Due to the same experience I describe above which I think is all mental, even the heightened awareness of physical stimulation) Add that to the exploration of actual sexual concepts that I've been coming up with to play around with in the future...

An that's that in terms of the evolution game that I play...
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Distant Light

Distant Light

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Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

FR: Royally Plastered...
This was both stupid and hilarious at the sametime because I would've never remembered anything if I didn't see pictures and video. (Managed to record myself while super drunk with a group of chicks) Unlike other nights where I drank abit, this night I was DRUNK not alittle bit I was ALMOST blackout status. The end of the night resulted in me looking like above on the train while vomit elegantly spills out of my mouth onto the floor.

Before the night even begun I was abit pissed about phone situation and almost shut everything down BUT as fast as I got mad, I ended up talking to my mother and instantly was joking around as I learned that she's actually going to pay it off. (Not in a she just said that sorta way which I no longer believe, she had intention of picking up her check and using it to pay off my bill) While talking to mother I made it clear that it's a good thing she was paying it off because...

The thing is, I had it in my mind to get messed up because I didn't want to live like this anymore so I decided I'd have a sick adventure while totally messed up, in hopes of mistakenly dying. My mother finally understands that I'm serious about not wanting to be alive if I'm not actually living, to me that's a total waste of time/life.

So today I went out, met mix who had his table setup in the lower level of the night venue. Down there is hood as fuck, at first we thought it was a bad decision since all his girl's kept going upstairs. (Dude had a model from hong kong with him) There weren't a huge number of women coming out so I decided to drink, drink, drink.

"Drunken" Social Fun Guy
The biggest irony was the fact that I was aware of everyone around me having an amazing time with me. Generally, I'm just so focused on ME that I'm unaware of just how much these women enjoy being around me. I had left Mix because we saw this 6'2 blond chick walk by who was NICE, I went upstairs to look for her but noticed I couldn't actually execute anything. These 6 girl's were looking at me being a retard and these two hote asians actually approached me but I couldn't do anything. Then I went back downstairs an I'm not sure what exactly happened...

Mix is with a russian, I like her ALOT she keeps looking and smiling but I don't do anything since she's with Mix. Despite being very indifferent with the chick's at mix table at the start of the night, I was actually very very friendly haha. I don't fully know the sequence but while Mix went to get another chick inside the club, Russian chick had cameback an tapped me so I started playing as she is all over me but there was no way I was going to be able to take things further due to my drunken state and by time Mix cameback I just left her with him.

Meanwhile, I walked up to some chick near our table who I didn't know and I think I opened her by seductively scratching her thighs. My normal stripper-like behavior an next thing I know I'm kissing her. Looking at the drunk video I have, I realize this chick wasn't bad and would've been great to bring out to clubs. Then somehow I remember talking to Mix an seeing two of the girl's he brought out making out SO my dumbass wants to play too so I go over there and start making out too. An this is when things started getting crazy...

Somehow, a girl and I are in straight stripper-like mode as she lap dances me, I lap dance her and 5-6 chicks next to us look on. (They would soon grow to hate my wild antics) This wasn't some boring ole lap dance, it was all very theatirical an as the energy built things would get wilder and wilder. At one point she was straddling me as I sit on the couch and just bouncing off my dick basically. Another moment she had one leg wrapped around me as if I was a pole hahaha. Eventually chicks are standing on sofa, were getting super wild which pisses off the 5-6 chicks watching and bouncer has to come to tell the chicks with me to stop grabbing the decor. Eventually, I have the camera rolling as I stand on the sofa I'm interacting with all the women around me and just having a blast. I make two double shots of vodka which didn't help me at all haha. Did I mention I escalated hardcore on almost all the women in that group, we all didn't care it was just out of FUN. At some point I ended up back upstairs an ended up messing with this chick who was all into it but I just stopped and walked away like a drunken fool.

Things went downhill after this, mix had left and the chick I was messing with blacked out so I had to carry her which is hilarious given that I'm not strong at all AND I'm drunk. The 5-6 chicks who were watching me the whole time looked in utter disgust hahaha, earlier in the night something happened an I was trying to say sorry to them and they just kept motioning for me to get away as if I was a dude trying to approach them. Honestly I didn't give a fuck about them, you could tell they wished I was interacting with them but I had no time nor was I even willing. (I did joke with 1-2 of them though) At this point were upstairs an I move her to sit down which wasn't a good idea since house music is playing and I'm acting stupid causing her to act stupid and we actually fall. She sits on sofa, speaks to some dude and starts making out with him. I then move her an she throws up, which I then move her again to find her friend's. They were looking for us the whole time an now trying to get her out of the venue, I'm yelling to make sure she has her coat and pursue.

One of the friend's takes her outside I don't go since bouncer says I can't come back if I leave, I walk back to chat the 3rd friend who is waiting for the 5th and 6th friend who are looking for her stuff downstairs. Were just laughing back an forth about how messed up we actually were and how they were all paranoid looking for her. I tell her I'll be back as I go to help her friend's find the girl's stuff. Funny enough when I cameback saying I didn't see them she said I walked right by her friend when I first left. They were gone...

I on the other hand started feeling like that chick as I felt like blacking out, I didn't want to throw up in the venue since I'll eventually be working there so I somehow made it out and somehow made it home. O I ordered food too somehow, I remember some chick opened me on the street and on the subway I was moaning and groaning like I was sick. I was lying on the seats until eventually I threw up.

It wasn't a productive night, not that it even mattered since I have no cell phone BUT I should've met the 6'2 chick and a few others I saw upstairs. The russian mix met was attractive, she did show me who her friend was who was just as tall and of course I liked the friend as she was russian looking too. The chick I madeout with wasn't my ideal type BUT a cute black chick who back in high school I'd never be able to gmess with. The other chick I madeout with I should've contact closed or something ecause she was good for clubs. As usual manny women wanted to meet me BUT theey wanted to this time because I was 100% plastered which caused me to have much more care-free fun with other's than usual. (Sober I generally interact with people and have fun alone in increments)

P.S...This was a good way to end this whole waiting game as it seems Sunday I'll have a cell phone again so BAM!!!! BAM!!! BAM!!! I'm still abit drunk typing this, only slept 3 hours haha.

P.S.S...Didn't post video since there are parts where I'm actually recording myself too which sober I'd never do. Don't want to have footage of me since it's easy to spot me in these venues.
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Distant Light

Distant Light

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Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

FR: Chode Award Goes To Me...
I haven't been "Closed Off" in awhile but somehow I knew tonight I would do this. I'm not sure exactly why I still do this, I remember my acting teacher back in 08 was the first to point out that I hide my personality and how she could see this amazing person within screaming to come out and express itself. That's how I first started actually being ME. However, I still notice from time to time I revert back to being "Closed Off"...

I was waiting for Mix an I already knew I wasn't going to chat with no one. The goal was to meet some chicks off the street to bring them to the club with me BUT I end up going to one of my old spots and basically standing around. I text mix telling him I doubt I show up since I don't even want to speak to anyone and so I decide that I'll just stay at this venue and chode all night. I bumped into two community dudes, who NEVER seen me just standing
around before and kept asking me to "Wing" or approach with them. I
kindly tell them I don't want to talk to anyone and how I just want to
stand right here.

I'm unsure as to why this happens but for some reason it's as if chick's can sense subtle vibes about me. Atleast 5-6 chicks approached me when all I was doing was standing around. Basically I stood right next to the DJ booth, listening to the music and just looking at people interact with each other. I remember one chick grabbed my hair, another chick tapped me to say hi, two different groups of chicks tried hover dancing around me, chick dancing with a dude is interacting with me while grinding, another group of 4 euro chicks are just looking at me without turning away, 1 chick who was with a group of friend's basically implied that I'm this cool dude who just wants to chill in his corner.

The thing about all this is that at times women make it seem as if I need to ALWAYS be my regular self because they're always looking at me and monitoring me. In my mind I'm thinking "Ah fuck, these chick's all want me to go meet them I don't want to talk to anyone" which I then remind myself that it doesn't matter, if I want to be "Closed Off" then I'll remain that way and forget about what these want. At the sametime it's abit fucked up since I noticed MANY women sorta commenting about me not paying attention to them. The few times I'd walk through the crowd chicks would be fishing for eye contact from me an if I notice them they'd instantly smile as if they expect me to say something BUT I just walk through. (One chick made a comment to her friend implying that I don't want to talk to people)

This is the first time I truly didn't do anything nor did I actually dance much. It's also bad timing for such behavior to come back up because my phone most likely will be back on tomorrow.
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The Duck ✘

The Duck ✘

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Join Date: 12/02/2006 | Posts: 1268

I know this feeling well. It always catches me by surprise when it happens.

Since you're into acting, I wanted to ask if there's any books you would recommend on the topic - more specifically on the kinds of exercises that are found in acting classes etc. I have a couple of friends who are studying acting and it always fascinated me.

A pleasure to go through your FR's my man.
Distant Light wrote:

FR: Chode Award Goes To Me...
I haven't been "Closed Off" in awhile but somehow I knew tonight I would do this. I'm not sure exactly why I still do this, I remember my acting teacher back in 08 was the first to point out that I hide my personality and how she could see this amazing person within screaming to come out and express itself. That's how I first started actually being ME. However, I still notice from time to time I revert back to being "Closed Off"...
Brad '09 BC Alumni ✘ Alexander 3x BC Assistant ✘ Former RSD Intern ✘ Copenhagen, Denmark ✘ SWAG
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Distant Light

Distant Light

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Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

The Duck-: You'll have to get back to me on that way since I can't find the books that I have lying around my house somewhere. For the most part my school didn't really give us many books to read but instead had us do exercises while the camera was rolling to review them. (Exception being our meisner class which you can search online how it goes) It's funny how just talking about it reminds me how much fun it used to be and hopefully in the future I'll be able to do a few acting projects for fun.

Before I actually get into my post I wanted to post a video of a guy I talk to from time to time who lives in Minnesota. He used to read my first ever journal back in 08 which were my glory days and although I didn't know at the time I had influenced him heavily. I remember seeing a post he made back in 08 about his development and at the end he had pictures of a THREESOME which although I know it's highly probable for me to have dozens now, I still never experienced. Well he came out with a video for 2010 which I thought was cool since it actually looks like he has FUN going out.

Soloist Blog

NOTE: As you'll see later in my post, I kinda realized one aspect of me see's sex as WORK or DUTY which is what I think has limited what I expereince day to day since my TRUE INTENTIONS produces wild sexual experiences but PU CULT-ure belief influences me in a way where I'm sorta forcing myself and it's severly holding back what I can experience.

Dropping Bombs Of Insights
Lately, I've been jutting down any small insight that helps explain my reality and making me think about certain things...

This is by far one of my favorite reality shows because minus the lovey-dovey cheesy aspect of it, the social dynamics of the show is amazing. Basically one man is being competed for by 25 different women, he doesn't have to do anything but focusing on having fun and letting things unfold because the women will try to win him over in both subtle and exggerating ways. This is what influenced my concept of living your own "Reality Show"...

Although our bachelor-like show isn't as condensed and direct where we have 25 women in the same house living together, we do have indirect and direct competition. This whole dynamic naturally gives you an abundance mindset, tons of options and YOU as the selector. When you actual select a chick it's very powerful because it's coming from a place of abundance NOT out of scarcity. "I selected her out of the 40-50 other women who want me."

The interesting thing I recently noticed is that the whole show is focused on fun and letting things unfold. All the so called "dates" are generally light (In tv terms, since its not everyday you bungee jump off a bridge and then have 1 on 1 dinner in a private theater) and overall the way the show is setup it creates a rollercoaster of emotions that the women go through without the guy doing anything but BEING. Each chick are like chodes thinking about how to get that specific chick, while the guy just LIVES LIFE.

What I'm noticing is that we seem to be highly unaware of this dynamic due to the aggressive marketing of objectifying women. I remember stumbling upon a diet loss special on tv which featured some playmate chick who got fat after becoming pregnant and you could see clear as day that she wanted her LOOKS again.

Like many women know but rarely express is that their main attractor is their physical looks. They know many of their day to day things stuff are done in hopes of attracting a guy and as they get older it will get harder for them as younger/hotter chicks start turning 18/21. If you really look at it majority of a woman's life is spent on attracting and trying to win over men. Remember high school when girl's would just sit talking about guys? College when the gossip of Mr Big Dick, the player everyone is curious about, the pretty boy who they think is gay, etc. Reason I mention this is because that same playmate chick THOUGHT about getting liposuction and it reminded me of chicks who use some illegal-cheap process to get butt implants.

Looking from a bachelor mindset, all these women have gone beyond the call of duty to try and win you over...

Which brings me to a real life situation...

Women are very sexually frustrated in this day an age, I can only imagine how much women masturbate and the thoughts that go on in their heads. So a pornstar chick I know who's a female friend recently complained about how the last 4 weeks of traveling to three different major cities was misrable for her. Why!? Because she didn't GET ANY DICK and hasn't had AMAZING SEX in 2+ months. She's stated that she loves sex "More than food, clothes and damn near anything that exists" and what she is talking about is AMAZING SEX which she considers "Closest thing to god". So what is she screening for? She wants a man who can party hard (drugs?) fuck hard, (all night long) mild conversationalist who can get to her place faster than dominos. (haha her words)

This actually uncovered something within myself as I noticed the effects COMMUNITY CONDITIONING has had on me without me noticing. For some reason I felt abit bad like it was my fault for not banging her or any of the other sexually frustrated women out there. The actual thought of sex doesn't get me going, I know this BUT still fall in the trap of "I have to fuck these chicks" because PU-Culture says so. Reason I point this distinction out is because I was abit pissed that I didn't fuck cool chick and it had nothing to do with me actually wanting to have sex BUT because PU-Culture says "You have to fuck these chicks". It's fucking retarded...

Realigning With True Intentions...
This doesn't mean I don't like sex it's just the intentions that fuels me towards sexual experiences isn't the norm. When I was partying friday giving/receiving lapdance, making out and just being very stripper-like I felt ZERO HORINESS it was more of just me just having fun giving her those experiences. The samething occured with the German chick I was fingering in the club only thing is I pushed the levels of passion up which caused me to bring out the lustful passion where we needed to have sex. (I wouldn't say I was horny since I had total control, it was more of me tapping into a state of being and providing an experience)

This is the main reason why I'm starting to play with the "Escort Service" analogy and exploring the use of sexual energy to fuel intent. In the normal sense sex doesn't do anything for me due to my intention NOT being influenced by wanting/needing sex. However, when the intention of giving these women an experience is present and I ramp up the passion as a result then it's like I'm the most sexual man alive.

Potential Experiment
I'm going to continue to get familiar with that state of being which makes me feel as if my clarity of intent is at 1000% and at the sametime I'm going to DO NOTHING to get sex. Instead I'm going to remain social/fun, continue to be very stripper-like and just take things too far for the sake of fun because wild sexual things occur when I take the stripper-like ways too far.

This is just another case of dropping retarded PU-Cultural-Beliefs that limits me instead of actually helping me. Although this actual process just started, it's actually very liberating as I no longer feel CONTROLLED/INFLUENCED by sex because whether I have sex or not makes no difference so now when I think about all the stripper-like antics that I produce I can push it further since there is no longer any influence of needing/wanting to fuck her just because PU CULT-ure says to. For me being sexual/flirting is basically another aspect of socializing or dancing, it's all just a fun experience I provide which is why the "Escort Service" analogy is very helpful for me. Lets see where this goes...

This along with seeing how far I can take the "Reality Show" concept are my two favorite things to explore at this moment in terms of social dynamics. The main event is still in the development of my lifestyle but I can already foresee some fun shit going down in the coming months.
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Distant Light

Distant Light

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

365 Day Challenge!?!?! - "So Dry Your Eyes...I'm Back Again!!!"
Last few months have been the most traumatic times ever which I ended up learning huge lessons. I've given up my life, my wants/needs, and basically gone off into the deep end. Finally, I'm given an opportunity to see how far this goes and I'm willing to venture it fearlessly since I no longer care about the results. I'm going in this skeptical and venturing one step at a time gaining mastery over what is there.

This is a 1 year trial run of exploration, my only objective is mapping out the territory through experimentation and just letting the experiences tell the story. Simliar to launching myself into other realities I'm a "Detached Data Taker" where I will not tamper with the experiments and have my ego/fears influence my intentions. I've turned my whole life in to a total crash dummy as I no longer care about fucking it up so I now accept whatever happens as the objective results of the experiment and just let each experimental event be unique without any of my judgment.

The Brand: "This is a movement, a social network and lifestyle..."
While I can't mention the experiments at the moment I can give an overview of this whole year and certain processes...
A.  "I have no personal life" - Like I've stated before I no longer care about my life an I now live and breathe this movement. For the past 2 months I haven't done much of anything that DID NOT help the movement in some way. I've decided average going out 7 days a week, 10 hours a day and spending another 2-4 hours a day planning/researching stuff related to this movement.

B.  Perception Of A "Jet-Set Party" Lifestyle - I'm focused on creating the perception of luxury living and making sexy money off of hospitality programs that fit the overall brand. This is HUGE an still in such a small form which is why I am going in blind with zero expectations because I already know I have no clue what I'm getting myself into in terms of how far this can go.

C.  Social Network - This is the most important tool plain and simple since we start the party, when we show up things will get crazy and we let the world spectate as we live our lives. The main areas of interest of our lifestyle revolves around "High End" nightlife, Luxury Travel, Fine Dining, Fashion, and Acting/Film.

D.  Lifestyle Host - This is my job as I focus on hosting lifestyle events, creating the energy, holding the crowd, and creating an environment for people to celebrat their lives and all that the city has to offer.

E.  Daily Living - This will change drastically as I develop more but basically everyday I'm out during the day and night building the movement. As of now all I'm focused on is during the nighttime working the room tirelessly socializing, connecting and making sure everyone is having a blast.

F.  Reality Show - Similar to the bachelor reality I just let women compete to win me over as I focus on living the lifestyle that excites me. I have zero interest in trying to get women anymore, I don't care who I end up with, (I screen so they all come close to my ideal type anyway) I don't want a gf, I don't go on day2s/dates, etc. Only thing I do is keep women around me an just let this whole process run in the background.

G.  Escort Service - These are the women I actually provide a sexual experience and have access to me sexually. I already know I'll have more options than I can ever handle which is why I will only have "Sexual Relationships" where I am capable of having a consistent sex on a weekly or bi-weekly basis NO MORE. All the other women who might have a one night stand or possibly hookup once a month (or once every six months) is on a "Text For Sex" basis. As an experiment I'm also looking into creating a network of bi-sexual and bi-curious women who will enjoy having orgies.

An here we begin...
This is a blank canvas waiting to be painted step by step with as little influence from my ego/fears as possible. Back in sept when I first got a phone I sorta clinched in fear since this is much larger than I actually was aware of. In a sense it was fear of the unknown and assumptions that were limiting my decision space.

This time around I don't have any result oriented goals, only process-oriented goals and taking on the profitable ones while discarding the unprofitable ones. So longs I'm walking in the general direction I'll eventually gain mastery over everything that is there. However, it's all still a trial run to prove to MYSELF that what I'm getting onto is possible because once I commit my whole life to this, the processes that I'm aware of will basically consume my whole life.

P.S...I have no hangups of this consuming my life since it's not goal-oriented such as focusing on getting laid a shitload or becoming a millionarie. All these processes should lead me to living a jet-set party lifestyle where everyday consists of partying, dining out, and socializing all while making tons of money to support this lifestyle and also to invest in my social circle to make the shared experiences even more epic.
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Distant Light

Distant Light

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

LR: 1min w/ Tattoo Girl
No I won't be making this post short and sweet...

Night started with crew meet up at one of our newest members house, everyone bought some form of alcohol. I had two shots of barcardi, (75 proof)  this drink made by a friend which tasted like dr pepper and CHAMPANGE CAMPAIGN.  We roll out an I'm already buzzing big time, I'm actually hanging with the crew tonight and as we enter the venue I'm just social fun dude.

First group I'm with is a group of fatties with one decent chick in the group, I go through the crowd smiling and just enjoying everything going on. Somehow I end up in one area watching my boy interact with a chick and just having fun with Lprince. I don't even know how I approached these asian chicks but I think I slammed my hand on there table looking to the left then right just smiling. All of a sudden some chick meets me an then says "Come hang with me" and grabs me along with 3 of her friends who she then introuduces me to like a mixed 10 set. (7 girls, 3 guys) When I walk back to Lprince after 5mins with the big group, the asian chick reopens me telling me she got a shot for me which I then take with 4 of her other friends.

Eventually some chick comes along an I'm hardcore douche just dominanting her verbally, physical and screening her hard. This was like textbook BUT I knew she was intimidated since I was so confident and so in control. This sort of demeanor is what the hottest women respond hardcore too, this chick was highly into it BUT there was a subtle disconnect in terms of her thinking she wouldn't make the cut.

Then I somehow ended up winging one of my friend's but in a manner where I was sitting telling the other chick how I'm shocked that her friend is able to keep my friend's attention since he usually gets pissed quick. This was about 10mins of pure self-amusement an similar to the other chick who I was "Hardcore Douche" with. I don't even know why but I facebook close her, turns out she used to be a cheerleader, I don't even give a fuck not interested.

The Big Lesson
For some reason I actually was highly disinterested in sex and as a result the clarity of "Giving sex as a reward" was highly apparent as I dominanted in a highly shameless matter to the point where most would've considered me a douchebag who was highly confident. One chick I approached on the street at the end of the night said some comment about pickup lines and it kinda cracked me up since I had 0 intention of TRYING anything, I was just chatting whoever was within range. Overall, I just entertained myself by dominanting verbally in many ways. I'd also screen hard, put sex on the table and just make it clear that they were trying to win me over. Anywho this whole thing is what caused the last interaction of the night to occur...

Chick had a pink jacket so I just walked by saying "Cool style" I mumbled something else but was actually leaving, she said something so I turned around looking at her and said something. Then I stopped, walked up all douchey doing what I was doing all night and then I just kiss her in less than 30secs. From there I just move her off the corner towards the train station an naturally we end up on the train platform at her stop and in her room. (I wish I could explain this "Hardcore Douche" state of being much better)

Keep in mind I'm still abit drunk an I check to make sure she isn't drunk, she's actually high/drunk and so I decide I'm going to leave BUT she insists that she isn't that bad. By time we hit the train I am KNOCKED OUT we get to her place an we already establish that we aren't fucking as soon as we get home because we both want to sleep badly. When we enter her room she takes off her cloth and top revealing almost her whold body tatted up similiar to above picture. This chick looked sexy as fuck with all her tattoos...

Interesting aspect is that I wasn't actually turned on being in bed with her. (She setup her room in a way where it's sorta like a bunk bed but VERY HIGH up, about 10ft) First 5mins I think I blacked out, then my world was spinning so I actually slept. Woke up maybe an hour later as I now realize I'm cuddling with this chick an all of a sudden my "Create an experience" starts kicking in as I start revving shit up BUT pull back opting to wait when were both actually functioning.

Finally, maybe 3-4 hours later we are both sorta in and out of sleep and I decide to "Create an experience" so I put my hard dick pressed on her ass and start breathing heavily. However, its as if I'm still cutting in and out of sleep until eventually she fucking cracks up because she can feel this big hard dick poking her and she fucking loves it. I start kissing all over her tattoos because DAMN it's a work of art. Like a dumbass my jeans is 10 ft below us so I have to cut the mood for a moment just to get a condom. Surprisingly I didn't eat her out, only fingered and lots of kissing all over her body. After all of that, we actually spoke which of course I was screening and realized WE DO NOT MESH WELL in terms of lifestyle. She is a rebel-artsy chick who doesn't like douchey high end venues.

In a sense I think I kinda let her down since I think she thought I was going to stick around when we actually got up, NOPE I went to go get dress and leave. I did get her # but it was sort of a "Well it's apparent our lifestyle doesn't mesh, I meet tons of women SO maybe I'll hit you up one day". Honestly the whole ending was abit fucked up from my perspective since she clearly would have to be a "Text For Sex" type of chick. (Which I don't even have a phone right now)

Women CRAVE Men
The way I caused things to begin made me notice a real interesting dynamic. While I as basically cuddled with her dick pressed on her I know she felt very good in a "I got this fascinating man, ME, his hard dick is hard because of me and I'm going to get to feel that dick inside of me". This is why she cracked up because we both knew that we both knew what was going on. Think of every woman that goes home alone guyless only to use a dildo or their fingers, they'd love to wake up an feel there is a hard dick pressed on them because they know a MAN that they won over is actually there and he's CHOSEN to have sex with her. I also state this because I didn't chase at all and maintained that line of "This is all just for you" nothing I did was a result of me being horny or wanting/needing to have sex with her.

Daytime Fun!?!?!?!?! Holy Shit!!!
So I'm back in the city an text mix who is hitting the city to pickup some checks. We chill as he goes shopping and were just going back and forth joking around. This is the first time in about a year that I was actually out in the daytime in a clothing store and for some reason we'd end up in interactions with women. When were on the line we ended up chatting up different chicks, I wasn't even doing anything but just joking around with mix. (For the most part)

Then we entered another store where basically I seen a TALL CHICK who was dressed rather nice. She saw me look an my mind interpreted it as "This chick walked all the way over here just for me to notice her, look at how she is looking at me, she wanted to get my attention". Those are the type of women I want around me...Bitchy looking stylish chicks who I just ravish...

Honestly I must say daytime has HUGE potential to meet women who could potentially roll with me. I already know I will end up meeting some women who don't party BUT if I focus on high end shopping districts and just more luxury stores, I'd find more women who are willing to party both weekend and weekday.

P.S...Abit of the dominanting within me came out as a result of watching "winters bone" where the hillbilly guy was telling his wife no and she spoke again which he then replied "I already said no once with my mouth..." I started cracking up because I couldn't believe that's what was said. As a joke I started saying similar stuff and I realized it spilled over in me just dominanting women verbally since they like it and I get a good laugh.
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Distant Light

Distant Light

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

Progress Report: "To Post Or Not To Post?"
For a long time I've asked myself if I should continue with this journal...

At first I kept at it since I saw this as an opportunity for other's to learn an expand there awareness in terms of potential possibilites. However, looking at the inconsistency of my life an being in my current position caused me to take full responsbility for my personal growth. Basically I've gone on the deep end as I've reached a point where I don't care about TRYING to survive and so now I push all experiments full throttle and just seeing what happens. (For example started WORKING OUT with zero fuss and about to play around with a diet for 6 months to see the difference in claraity of consciousness awareness)

Why Bother Continuing...?
I feel like all the processes now are very personal to me an irrelevant towards anyone's growth besides me and even if it was relevant, the amount of explaining an depth would turn this journal into a textbook. I know this because I have SHITLOADS of notes based on "Exploration Of Consciousness" and "Ideal Lifestyle" alone. Nowadays, I just want the opportunity to live again so I can just PUSH THE ENVELOPE... (Learned that opportunities I present is just a byproduct of me being me and I don't need to worry about that stuff anymore)

I'm all for "Crash Dummy" living now and my "Ideal Lifestyle" is the huge experimential project. Once I get my cell phone back on all I want to do is go out 7 days a week exploring my lifestyle and making the whole thing just evolve over time. I'm not looking for a specific outcome, I just want to see what happens to me after the next 40 years. It's funny talking about this because I truly have ZERO INTEREST in normal living where we focus on TRYING to survive and feel good, shit is boring and I only feel alive when I'm actually exploring...

However, the cell phone issue is actually with the phone company as I've finally broke through with PARENTS. Felt like I gave a 2 hour seminar as I told them I have zero interest in being alive and how this huge project is the only reason why I'm alive. Basically I spent about 2 hours showing them writings/plans and about an hour and a half spent showing video clips I've recorded, video clips of people I know of and random videos that I've found. It was productive since it expanded their reality, I think they sorta regret prolonging the inevitable.

Posting Doesn't Seem Proiftable...
I already know most of my posts will be less and less about women because once my cell phone is back on I'm just going to have hundreds of women on a "Text For Sex" basis that way I can focus exclusively on exploring this whole lifestyle. So most of my posts would end up being related to specifics within my lifestyle which I wouldn't want to mention. For example...
-  I don't want to mention how much mix made in 1 night, which is what I told my parents to sorta show them that this is serious AND still just sratching the surface. I was even hesistant to mention the nightlife guy I was hanging with who stated he made 200k last year. Irony is that a handful make 100k-400k a year.
-  I don't do anything interesting to hookup with women anymore and many times I'm not even in the mood so I'll pass up lots of opportunities. So hearing about me pulling is a waste of time since it just consists of me partying and generally saying "Lets go". (With a cell phone I just setup the whole "Text For Sex") Heck meeting tattoo chick was pure look as I was heading home, I just put sex on the table nothing else.

Right now, I have access to a "Model Dinner" that is happening monday's to thursday's for the next THREE MONTHS. The chef is a contestant from "Top Chef" and basically all I have to do is bring out some hot girls with me and enjoy free drinks and food. I also get to meet MORE model-like women and can party with them right after. Unfortunately, I'm not even living life right now so nothing much will be happening with me at this moment until my phone is back on...

However, this is the type of stuff I'm into an I don't feel its that profitable since it's more about my life as opposed to actually getting women. Yes, I will be able to meet an potentially hookup with more model-like women BUT that is such a small picture view. It's a given that I'll meet women since that's just me and it's a given that NYC CREW would potentially have access too. Overall, for anyone on this forum it helps them in no way other than being aware that you can have free dinners and have something in your life to bring women out to. If I wasn't making this post I wouldn't even post the details of the "Model Dinner" because it's all specifics that has to do with my lifestyle.

P.S...Indirectly all this stuff is what made me how I am and made me go about meeting women in the manner that I do. When we talk about rating system of "0s and 1s" why would I bother if I have access to model-like women 4 days out of the week AND it's not even on weekends so I'm still free on those days. This for me is similar first discovering lucid dreaming or out of body experiences because once you've opend the door you can't close it. I'm aware of how much money goes back an forth, the lifestyle many people live and the amount of perks that comes with such a life. For me it's a personal activity of exploring the territory an seeing what is actually there.

P.S.S...I might just make updates here and there, keeping all the insights and notes in my database of notes hahaha. If I think something is profitable I may post about it, but other than that I feel everything "Women" wise that I learned up to this point, has been written already. Any of my posts "women" related just sounds like a repeat of "Have a fucking blast partying and just nonchalantly put sex on the table".
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