January 16th, 2019
Distant Light "Socialite & Spiritual Monk"
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Distant Light

Distant Light

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

War On Failure
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Distant Light

Distant Light

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

Progress Report
I'm not sure how it is I'm able to persist but for the past 2 years I've noticed a consistent "Collapse, Rebuild" cycle of my physical reality...
-  Jan 09 to Mar 09: For the most part I was off the radar with a few random appearances here and there
-  May 09 to July 09: I was also on and off the radar during this time
-  Septh 14th 09 to Apr 14 09: In PMR terms I was dead because I wasn't outside, not even ONCE in terms of actual PMR living
-  June '10 to Aug '10: I was off the radar again with a few random appearances

I'm basically in the same situation again, but this time around I've learnt my lesson. I've offically snapped an gone off on the deep end with this whole "Exploration Of Consciousness" and I no longer care because it's the right thing to do. My problem is my interpretation of the english language an trying to articulate discoveries & breakthroughs from a big truth perspective, it's difficult. Best description would be thomas campbell's quote "Instead of DOING good, be good". In my life, I've been TRYING to do good which if I just be how I want to be, it would handle itself because I only have good intentions.

Keep in mind none of this would be possible if it weren't for all this altered states type of practices that I do. Ever since I've shifted my focus on ONLY growing the quality of my consciousness, I started using every tool and almost all my time focused on this stuff. I'm completely detached from the identity/personality and all the stage/props within that reality, despite enjoying the package. (Family, Friends, and every other being I come in contact with)

Why do you live?
That is the question I'd like to ask people because I've finally reached the threshold of external and internal pressures, while taking a good look at myself and my life. The thing is we do all this irrelevant things when JOY & HAPPINESS can easily be reached without any form of external things, all it takes is a shift in your state of being.

Euphoria is medically recognized as a mental/emotional state defined as a profound sense of well-being. Technically, euphoria is an effect, but the term is often colloquially used to define emotion as an intense state of transcendental happiness combined with an overwhelming sense of contentment. Euphoria is generally considered to be an exaggerated physical and psychological state, sometimes induced by the use of psychoactive drugs and not typically achieved during the normal course of human experience. However, some natural behaviors, such as activities resulting in orgasm or the triumph of an athlete, can induce brief states of euphoria. Euphoria has also been cited during certain religious or spiritual rituals and meditation.

Everyday I'm in a state of "Euphoria" especially when I listen to music or I'm self-amusing. I don't believe in "State" anymore because to me defualt state of being is "Point Of Consciousness" which is a calm, clear, steady state of awareness, it's like a day dream unfolding. At the sametime FEEL GOOD/FANTASY is bullshit, while FUN is actually good mecidine to keep you from getting caught up in the pettiness of life and not taking yourself seriously. This is how I've managed to not SELF-DESTRUCT and I know I'll never reach that point because no matter how shitty my situations internally I'm always the same.

This leads me towards "Why" again, what's the point of living if internally your complete? That is where GROWTH comes in and becoming an opportunity for OTHERS to grow too. What you actually choose to do in life is irrelevant because it's just the stage/props/drama that fuels the growth. It's like "Pokemon" ash has a purpose to catch em all and on his journey his drama unfolds as he experiences, learns, and grows.

The Undeniable Truth Discovered...
Emotions is an imperfect feedback system an I'm now aware of the electric shock I'm getting over and over again. As much as this whole lifestyle host based on ME, it isn't about me at all, it's about what I'm GIVING to the world. It's not that I can't dine out, party or just go get laid because technically I can go do that at this moment. It's the fact that I can't present opportunities through living my lifestyle at this moment and each day that passes is another day of giving lost. What I means is... (Haha, sounded very free-spirit like)

What keeps me wanting to live is presenting those memorable experiences for people. If I had my life/system proactively running then thousands of women would be in an environment that GUARANTEED FUN 100%. This isn't a belief, it's a fact each time I'm out living my life I'm LOVING IT and it rubs off on others around me. The few chicks who make the cut get to enjoy the "Boyfriend Experience" without the downsides, as of right now though I just considered myself as an escort on call if women need to get fucked. At the sametime, dining out, partying, hanging out, etc is all mediums used for creating memorable experiences which is why I always want to take those systems to the next level.

At the end of the day I want people to experience even for a brief moment what I feel almost 24/7. I've seen it many times over BUT I let external things hold me back in many ways. An now for the sake of "The Brand" haha, I'm willing to detach from many things no matter how much I used to enjoy it. If your not GROWING your DYING.

With that said...
-  I sit here in my home as cool chick texts my old shitty phone wanting to know if I'm in the city because she wants to take me for a fine dining experience
-  It's my boy Lprince bday an I can create/produce anything for him to make it more epic than what it probably will be
-  The crew in general I can't leverage any form of access to enhance our experiences
-  Chick I met like 2 weeks ago who wanted to hangout after she comes back from vacation will text only to get no response
-  The chicks I met on sunday N tuesday right when my phone cut off won't even have a chance to experience the service I provide
-  Chick I met back in 09 sent me an invite to her bday get together (She has the eastern euro look!!)

It's one thing when someone doesn't make the cut, it's another thing when the whole system shuts down because of OTHERS. I never used to look at it this way an I now see how important my mission is. Based on how I've seen nightclubs when I'm partying, I know the nightlife industry would benefit HIGHLY from a person like me.

Despite lots of first hand experience to backup everything I've just mentioned, I never had a chance to actually build and see how far it goes. Since I've truly come into my own I've never stayed afloat for longer than about a month and a half. Back when I was in acting school I had like an 8 month stretch which was the best time of my life because I grew immensely. Everytime the system collapsed I had to start from scratch meeting a whole new range of women that would only stay in my life until the system crashed again.

Next time I get back on the bull, I'm staying on and fueling all my energy into this system to maintain it. I see no reason to live if I'm not focusing my physical life on all this because then I could easily shut this down and use all my tools for "Escapism" until I grow old and die. I'd still have an amazing joyful life BUT zero opportunity presented for others, lost potential in what I can give, and waste of a lifetime package.

I guess this is the state of being of a determined person who has a focused effort and in it for the long haul because "fair" is bullshit, it's about what's best for the sake of the system and my path of growth. If I have to cut people off, as much as I enjoy them so be it, if I have to cut off recreational bullshit that is irrelevant then so be it, all that matters is that this whole thing gets going so I can really see how far it can go without any COMMERICAL BREAKS!!!

All in all, I'm assuming all this shit well restart around Nov 1st...

P.S...I should've discovered this stuff earlier because I was aware of that fact that I disliked unreliable I've become and purposely not wanting anyone to contact me because I couldn't produce/manifest/create SHIT at this moment. I refered to myself as having bad credit because back on my 8month or so adventures back in 08 I was ALWAYS READY. I just never had the awareness that I have now back then.
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Join Date: 04/12/2007 | Posts: 1154

some good shit here bro. You're not whole unless your connecting with people. You can be satisfied alone in your room but that's not living. I hope to see you out there.

btw love this quote:

Time an time again I see certain events an think "Wow were selling ourselves short in terms of the experiences we can have".
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Distant Light

Distant Light

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Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

FR: All About Continuity
Didn't plan on going out because I'm on my whole "Rebuild" cycle where I'm currently suppose to be pissed at parents... (Of course, I can't actually get pissed it's almost funny that I'm trying to be mad/negative and I'm cracking up at the fact that it doesn't even work when actually interacting with parents)

However, it's all about there interpretation of my actions which still keeps things consistent. Basically I wake up at 4:49pm, I decided I couldn't miss my boys bday despite being in "Rebuild" mode. So I just got up, got ready an parents was abit thrown off that I was getting ready to go somewhere. They were even more thrown off that I left without asking for any money. In reality, I knew what I was doing was about stupid because I had no actual money to enjoy the food that I was about to eat. (I wanted to blow lots of money on food tonight)

I decide to roll with mix, just to make sure I remember the reality I'm used too, I had no other intention. So for the most part at the start of the night I was just standing around just being me and moving to different EMPTY parts of the club because I didn't want anyone in my area. Finally, mix has his table setup so I go to where he is at for abit and then move to stand on the steps where I can see everything in the club.

Somehow, I'm approached by a chick which I just do my thing for abit, this chick likes me alot and loves when I put my hands on her head, seductively stroking my hands down her face onto her shoulders and over her tits. Things were getting abit phyiscal BUT in reality I can't have sex with this chick she is about 5'5 average looking with nice tits. Turns out she knows mix an at one point when I bump into mix, I see her asking mix where I'm at, I knew this because she did the whole "O nevermind here he is!". I continue to play around with her while every chick just looks, it's funny because I now wonder if these chicks are wondering "Wow, if that is how he is normally, I wonder how he is in bed!"

Overall in my mind I see me doing anything as a waste because there isn't anything productive I can do at this moment. There were lots of tall chicks, lots of chicks looking at me as usual and of course a group of chicks pointing at me who I of course don't even give them the opportunity to meet me. The last few hours I basically was falling asleep on the chair just listening to the music, meanwhile mix was trying to pull this chick that he pinpointed from the start of the night. ("Dude that girl, that's who I want tonight...Got her! Now just need to get fattie occupied...")

Earilier, I was talking to Lprince girl about the whole "Lifestyle Hosting" which she LOVES the idea an was telling me her experiences with a few promoters (She's a model chick who goes to some of the best spots when she does go out) who are generally shady and basically talking about what the dynamics were during her BEST experiences when out with a guy like that.

Ironically, I'm truly starting to see myself as a "High End Escort" who provides the "Boyfriend Experience" without the downsides. I don't give a fuck anymore I just want make money to provide for my lifestyle of partying/dining and at the sametime I'm willing to provide women with a service consisting of a wide range of FUN. I could careless which chicks come or go, at a certain point once there tall, attractive and feminine they all are basically more or less the same phyiscally. Majority of the time I'm willing to make women feel good and sexy regardless if I'm interested, (So longs there actively chasing) chicks I'd fuck I tend to just put sex on the table so if they want to have sex for FUN then I might be down. But, at the end of the day I now only see all this as a service I provide...

This is why my cell phone is most important because the system doesn't move or grow without this TOOL and if your not growing your dying. (My system died for sure haha) Ironically now that I think about it, this is very similar to how my porn star friend and her domantrix friend runs their sex life. The night we were all hanging out an she lost her phone which you could see how devasted she was because all her PETS an way of life revolved on her network of GUYS.

UPDATE: High End Escort "The Boyfriend Experience without the downsides"?
When I was typing this during the morning (Learnt my lesson to type in wordpad an thankfully did because I forgot to actually post this) cool chick buzzed me an we chatted on the phone for an HOUR!!!! Talk about compromising my boundaries, haven't done that since early 08!! I think this interaction was productive, besides her wanting to meetup at 6:30am in the morning, which she wanted to come pick me up 45mins away but I told her not to bother since she might be tired by time she gets here. The productive aspect was that I was breaking her into my reality in terms of how I view her and where she fits in my world... (I haven't done this deep qualification since 08 nor have I ever gone this DEEP, 100% solid so far though)

It's established she is bi-sexual (Strong possibility she likes women more than men) an I know it. I don't want a gf nor ever get married SO given what I do for a living and how I like my sex life setup SHE can be my right hand girl helping me meet tons of tall attractive women. I opened a potential possibility of us having a sub-group of all "Bi-Sexual" women who we can call at anytime to fool around with at her place. She sounded pretty down for this... :)

This is an interesting dynamic because I get ZERO validation from this whole setup, I just see it as a cool potential possibility that I could setup with her which she could then experience being with lots and lots of women. I'm certainly not the main character in this. My thoughts so far in terms of experimenting. Swingers club, we've talked about checking this out and she'd LOVE the idea of going to a strip club that was a european based. Anywho, on the phone...

I kept it 100% honest telling her what I was doing while she was gone, how things got fucked up because of my parents and where I'd like to be in the next six months. I told her about my plants of not hanging with the crew and ONLY meeting with mix if I have atleast 7 chicks coming out guaranteed. I basically told her once I finish this "Rebuild" stage I'm going to be out everyday just meeting more and more woen and how she should talk to any tall gorgeous women she sees in her day to day life. Based on how things are looking this minor setback will pass and due to my ramblings/rants my parents won't drop the ball like this ever again. (Hopefully in the 6 months I have enough income to MOVE!!!)

The main reason for this is because I need to focus on making this whole system/reality run smoothly processes within processes within processes that all become comfortable to me. That's my main reason for putting constraints on my communication with my parents and friends. (Of course from time to time I'll chill with the crew) When everyone gets integrated BACK into my lifestyle then things will be much better/easier, especially since now I have reconnect with my natural cousin who is coming back to NY so that means another GUY that I hangout with haha.

What's interesting about this whole thing is COOL CHICK, she isn't one of the hottest women I've fooled with BUT she does come closest to my ideal type personality wise. SHE FITS THE BRAND almost perfectly as I tend to want chicks to be bi-sexual or bi-curious who are more into women than men. I'd rather the girl be more into girls that way she TRULY enjoys it an I never have to worry about her being clingy.  Also fun factor is through the roof meaning we could have an amazing time 24/7 regardless of the external environment.

What makes it amazing in terms of my lifestyle is that she's a HOT WOMAN!! Nightlife love tall hot women so I basically can go to almost any night venue and get in. She has her own money so she will be able to maintain the lifestyle that I'm moving towards. Dropped 200+ easily in the past so I know I can basically go with her ANYWHERE in terms of restaurants eating amazing foods. Also, she loves to travel so I can go to many different places AND we can meet more chicks together around the world.

She's like the female version of me... (If she ever revealed she was a post op tranny DAMN I'd have to laugh at the irony)
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Distant Light

Distant Light

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Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

Progress Report - "Personal Growth Is Not A Group Activity"
This is just the nature of consciousness, no one can help you it's a personal activity...

I've finally begun to take full responsibility after learning hard lessons that were essential for me to move forward. For the most part I won't talk about "Exploration Of Consciousness" aspect anymore because it's now impossible for me to express because I've fully taken this "M.E Philosophy" to a point where I've created too many concepts, metaphors and analogies to explain indepth. (NOTE: This means no more essays, I'll only explain or go indepth if someone wants me to go more indepth.)

The most important thing...
I'm at a point where I no longer care about being alive and as a result I'm going to expend this lifetime package on exploring this path to see how far it goes. I don't care about anything anymore, I just want to explore, learn and grow from this whole thing. Basically, I was in state of "Euphoria" for days an actually got annoyed about being alive because I felt amazing despite not even living. Why do we even live?

You have to realize I'm in a "Euphoria"-like state 24/7 so being alive for the sake of seeking happiness is not possible and I might as well just setup a program for personal growth and push my life to the edge. Most people's choices are influenced from their ego-based wants/needs/desires and this past few weeks my ego has dissovled considerably.

No more essays right? Right!

I've got about 30-40 years, where I basically see how far this will all go...M.E.S

Memorable Experience (Services)
I've started to mesh together systems that best suited me, most of it were influenced by...
-  Escort-like Services: This was influenced by the porn star chick I know (and her dominatrix friend) after reviewing the systems within her lifestyle, specificially her sex life.
-  Lifestyle Management: This was the byproduct of researching NYs nightlife gurus from promoters, vip hosts, club owners, nightlife companies, and private concierge services.
-  Private Members Clubs Dynamics: This was influenced by concerige services, private-like venues, and social groups

For the rest of my life I shall focus on continually evolving this whole system and seeing how far it goes because the intentions behind are good, they're not influenced by ego, so regardless the outcome their will be growth and opportunities. This whole thing came together after realizing different people live certain aspects of how I'd like my reality to consistently be. However, I no longer care about it in terms of want or desire it's actually because I have such a passion for those aspects that I want to create opportunities for other's and learn within that reality. Majority of the structure was based around porn star chicks lifestyle as I realized how she lives is most similar to me...

Basically, I'll be providing a service mainly to women which they're guranteed ATLEAST fun. Like many concierge services and hosts I'll also provide access to restaurants, nightlife, traveling, events, and experiences. (Basically everything I'm passionate about and highly enjoy) Like a high-end escort I'll provide the "Boyfriend Experience" without the downsides so whether they just want to have fun, get fucked hard or both I'll provide it. Like a private members club or high end night venue their are certain standards and loyalty the determines how much access a specific chick has. Like lifestyle management companies their all about accumulating resources to enhance the experience for they're clients and strategically know their resources.

The thing is I've reached a point where if I'm not growing I become super bored with living and start to feel there is no reason to be alive if I'm not growing. I can literally have a blast alone 24/7 everyday until I die but that to me is like sitting in a mountain meditating for your whole life. As a result, creating opportunities within the programs stated, learning how to enhance the experience and take things to the next level is the only reason for living. In my mind, it's the purpose of helping people consistently hit that "Euphoria" like state... (I ramble talking to my mother an came onto the realization "I am cocaine, I'm a drug people can use for recreational purposes")

This has NOTHING to do with women, I could've always continued going out an just pull regardless of a phone or money. This wasn't profitable to me though because I actually care more about the experience of dining out and partying everyday. The concept of flying around to the party hot spots and dining is so amazing that I'd trade never having sex again just to live like that everyday. After this whole two week or so experience I firmly view myself as an escort who only bangs these chicks for the sake of giving them that experience. I'll end up having more sex than ever due to how my life will be and also "Why" I now have sex. Heck, porn star chick is the perfect example of living an incredible lifestyle while providing a sexual service in the background. (I'll post about this aspect later)

I create opportunities...

P.S...I've dropped all the negativity I had about the past few weeks and my situation, it actually turned out to be a good thing as I learned some hard lessons. The cost was missing halloween weekend an basically the total collapse of my life, but I'm taking the long view I have 30-40 years left so even if it takes 10 years just to get going, I still have plenty of time to grow even more.

P.S.S...While it might seem like I don't care about life anymore, I'm actually just indifferent and willing to expend my life on this mission because I rather risk total destruction than waste my life just feeling good. Yes, I can explore/grow by enhancing methods to feel good even slightly more, but it's not as thrilling or exciting. I currently have about 150-200 female vocal songs all edited on my phone, I listen to it while sleeping an basically create my own music videos.
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Distant Light

Distant Light

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Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

FR: Sloppy Rebellion...
I actually wasn't suppose to go out BUT I got abit pissed as I just watch my lifetime package go to waste. This pissed me off an I decided that I'm going out without a cell phone because whether I can start building my life or not the world needs me. All this sounded good on paper until I was actually out and realized how horrible I was...
-  Boring ass Chill Mode
-  Possible Bad Breath (Think mix pointed that out to me which is why he gave me gum, parents still haven't bought floss after asking for a whole month)
-  Douchey Chode Mode
-  CHASING (Wtf!?!?!?)

I should've known things would turn this way because when I left the house I wasn't that fun animated guy I usually am. Went to chill at lprince's place for an hour and everyone was asking me if I was ok because I was so fucking CHILL. I could've easily used being up since 5-6am as an excuse but I've had times where I was out after being up 36+hrs. By time I went to meet mix I should've known something was up with me because walking through train platform I seen this fiesty looking blond who my Fun animated mind was saying "Lets fuck around with this chick" but I override thinking "No, I want to be alone" and so I walk to the area where no one is standing and chill alone on subway platform.

Meet mix, he's greeting shitload of chicks (people) many who this non-community guy sent his way. I'm being a chill fag, an on the line the two tall russian chicks are standing infront of me. One of them says "You don't remember me?" Shit was hilarious because she's my type 5'10 eastern european and feminine. Despite her being highly attractive I didn't, she implied I must've been drunk, we have a interesting moment where I search for her name and eventually find out she's the russian chick I met 2nd to last time I went out. (1 Month Ago)

This confirmed that as a social fun guy their is no need to build a connection because the connection is that shared experience of fun. She remembered how flirtatious we were with each other, however tonight she'd see the INCONGRUENT ME...
-  First, I'm inside 100% douchey mode as my mind screams "Go crazy!" "Go crazy!" "Wow, your being a bore ass". I stood by our table poured some drinks for the chicks and talked to no one. Tall russian comes (She's with her female friend and a guy) we go back to me figuring out who she is, then they go to the bar to get drinks.
-  Second, as I chill lots of tall chicks are looking at me BUT besides me being on "The Hill" (Table stuck between another table slightly higher than the main ground level) I didn't speak to anyone. The only time I'm ever actually chill is when I'm fucking meditating, other than that my mind is always encouraging me to have fun and be retarded.
-  Third, russian comes BACK an eventually calls me out saying "WTF!?" because it was apparent I was no longer that fascinating man she met a month ago. She couldn't understand why I wasn't having fun like the time she saw me going crazy with all these different women. Instead I was being chill-fag, she left with her friend to get a drink. I speak with the guy who was a normal guy who just liked women. (He'd later end up making out with the other russian and probably pulled. Although he came here with them I have no clue of there relationship prior. Very laid-back)

The nail in the coffin for incongruency was when I started chasing russian chick. There was a moment when I bumped into her again at the dancefloor area. She called me out once again for not being that same social fun guy who was energetic. (It was obivous something was off about me) Eventually, as I stand their everything feels SO TRIED HARD an for some dumbass reason I'm trying to kiss her which she moves and eventually just sits because it's obivous something isn't right about me. I think lap dance, but too crowded an she then brings up boyfriend as I try to kiss again. (I haven't heard that excuse in years an know it was a lie) Then mix shows up, giving me the gum an making me wonder if that was her reason for not making out.

Get my fucking act together!!!!!!!
The whole time I actually had a headache BUT all this sloppiness of chasing, chill-fag, sticking with one girl, etc was pissing me off. I gave myself a slight talk reconfirming my PAST REALITY and like that I opened up. As russian sat an eventually chilled with her female friend and the dude, I started to actually have FUN FUN FUN. This was so fucking apparent because this average chick grabs my hair, I turn she's with a dude and I just start messing with her. Then when I go up the step where the two big tables are I start having my own fun and this other cutie is standing right next to me HOPING I approach but I never did. (This was douche because despite me not liking her she put herself out there)

All of a sudden russian and I look eyes an I laugh at her for sitting there bored out her ass. She comes up to me an I can feel a total different dynamic as if she was saying "Yes, this is the guy I was attracted too a month ago, this is the real him". Things were going great, so much that some chick walking by opened me by punching my thigh (She was shorter, I was slightly up due to step) which cracked me up. Then a drunk guy came in asking if russian was a model and just having fun.

Although she ended up heading out, I'm glad I cameback to normal because I got to see a DIFFERENCE and that was a huge lesson for me...

At this point I had a few cuties eyeing me but my headache was getting more intense so I decided to eventually leave. I know when I actually get back at all this I have alot to implement. I need to make it a boundary that no matter what I NEVER NEVER NEVER fucking chill because that's not me. My mind is always wanting to have a memorable experience. The funny thing is, I saw this 45 year old nightlife guru who basically acts JUST LIKE ME. Dude was giving sparklers to go go dancers, being energetic and just having fun. He's always lighting sparklers for no reason an handing it to groups of girls having fun JUST to create the perception of fun in the room.

Anywho need more rest since I still have headache...
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Distant Light

Distant Light

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Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

FR: I Love Attractive Women...
Friday was a wake up call after hearing the chick basically state TWICE that I was no longer that social fun guy she met a month ago. Saturday I was sorta the same way, I didn't force anything though which might've been a bad thing because internally I'm constantly saying "Be Yourself!! Go Crazy, remember how much fun you have just being retarded!?!?!?!?!?"

Well met up with the crew an dudes is instantly joking as if I'm recovering from rehab because it's obvious I'm not energetic like usual. I roll with mix who ends up bringing out about 35-40 women. It's funny because for a good 30mins I'm just chillin outside almost in a meditative state. Inside I make a ton of drinks for mix's chicks and I notice he brought out THREE TALL RUSSIANS!!!!!! Lets just say these chick's are LOVING ME, I don't even know which one I want because all three of them are HOT. The only thing that kept this going was the fact that I refused to repeat friday where I confused the chick by being a chill-fag SO every so often I'd force myself to just be me. Eventually I crack an I'm on a rampage...
-  Chick #1 was the hottest IMO since she fit my ideal type physical (Slim high fashion body and gorgeous eastern european face) Our dynamic was that she really wanted me and we'd possibly fool around
-  Chick #2 was also gorgeous and very feminine, our dynamic was her being very seductive with me (Her and chick #1 were basically competing for my attention until it was obvious chick #1 peaked my interest more)
-  Chick #3 was stylish and attractive, our dynamic was that secretly I liked her the most

Did I mention they were all 6ft!?!? Anywho, All sorts of shit is going on as I snap at chick #1, chick #2 is trying to grind on me, wrapping one leg around me. At one point chick #1 and #2 has me sandwich an I'm just spinning back and forth as if I can't make a choice. Chick #2 is choking me, I'm grabbing her hair and constantly inches from her lips. Chick #1, I'm chilling on railing she puts her moves on me, as she sits down I'm over her an bend down as if I'm smelling her neck and I start kissing her neck only to instantly get up and grab chick #2. Mix comes into it all an the chicks are grabbing his muscles hahaha. This was in the bag BUT it was so early, mix still had more women showing up. My dumbass left to check the 2nd floor and when I came back they were GONE. Turns out mix only knew 1 of the 3. (I had no phone BUT I would've atleast facebooked these chicks because they were all hot)

This asian chick approaches me for some reason an I started flirting with her briefly. Mix had some of the hottest asians I ever seen and they were taller than your average asian chick. I also grabbed this girl who was with about 5 chicks and started joking with her, turns out she knows mix. At this point though I revert back to CHILL-FAG and I start laughing at how comfy I feel in a club, it's as if its my home. I was about to sit down and sleep BUT instead I just stood still, not moving for about 30mins. I didn't care BUT most would consider it retarded given the ratio of women to male.

About a hour and a half I start actually moving an having fun alone. Then like THAT I just switch on and start acting utterly retarded, I know this because I start screaming an making all sorts of sounds. This causes an asian chick to run up to me and meet me, I joke with her for about 2-3mins and realize mix might like her so I tell her I'd introduce her to my friend when he comes back. He shows up, I introduce him and he #closes. I resume my random antics and shit just start happening...
-  This chick who to most would be considered average size (In my mind I consider glamour models average size) is with her friend. I'm not sure WTF I did but all I know this chick is on me hardcore and I DO NOT WANT. I was being my normal self talking to all women around me BUT she'd just cockblock them and physically spin me back around to her. I tried flirting with her cute friend and she would cockblock her friend, all of a sudden I hear her say some shit to her friend like "Don't touch him!" or basically implying that she got dibbs on me. This chick kissed me which I was worried would happen. In a perfect world (having a cell phone) I would've #closed all those chicks she cockblocked me on. One of the chicks average size chick cockblocked me on was actually one of mix's girl's friend who liked me. I was with her for abit before average size chick showed up again.

-  While acting stupid this next russian chick walks by so I start walking backwards as if I was saying "O shit you must stop I didn't see you all night". I basically just open her by saying hi in russian and she's shocked that I know she's russian. I tell her russian's always trying to fuck me and I find out where she lives. I mess around for a minute an let her walk off.

At this time were heading out but funny enough when I say bye to mix's girl who actually had a cute group of friend's she was sad that I was leaving. The irony is that I automatically started figuring out logistics and was about to just put sex on the table because it sounded like she wanted to go where I was going. However, I just say bye an then bump into russian I say goodbye too...SHE TOO...Is shocked that I'm leaving so I automatically figure out logistics an tell her I might be up for fucking her tonight, I kiss her. The whole thing was like a 30sec "Put Sex On The Table" but unfortunately her friend interupted an I wasn't going to wait nor try to regain the chick's attention so I left.

What I was noticing is that I'm generally ALWAYS being myself when I'm interacting with hotties BUT I notice I neglect all other women. There were tons of cuties some who were european that I'd have no problem fooling around with. Also CHILL-FAG and me being me is like night and day, it only took 5-10mins for all the normal crazy shit to occur. My biggest thing right now is to once again STOP HIDING who I am by being CHILL-FAG.

P.S...I'm not sure how the quality is as I had to convert the files to edit it, that way I just upload one video. First few clips were from friday, I'm standing infront of russian chick (The one who was wondering "Wtf!?" on friday) in the go go dancer bit. One of the older nightlife guru's is the one who is chatting with the go-go dancer...Second club clips is when I was with the 3 russians, one in white is the stylish cutie (Chick #3) while the last one blowing the kiss was the one I was liking. (Chick #2 you most likely can't see )
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Distant Light

Distant Light

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Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

Haha...Man when you left shit was getting intense with me and those russians...

The recording was before we started getting abit wild, croatian (travolta's girl) was watching those 3 chicks in a "Wow, there gorgeous" manner. (Didn't see her for the rest of night though) The russians most likely left due to my dumbass going to check out the 2nd floor because they didn't look like they were leaving anytime soon before I left.

One of the taller asians that was with your group kept coming up to me, she was nice :)

Must say your propaganda is influencing me because those were some attractive 5'6 asians haha. It's pretty funny what that little asian texted you because any chick who comes up to me randomly I ALWAYS think they want me, I just happened to remember you an understood my current circumstances so I knew to pass her off to you. That OTHER chick though who came up to me, did not want at all. (She pecked me on the lips haha)

One of our crew members need to be our designated photographer haha... (Would they get comped if they identified themselves as that?)

I can never record the crazy moments since 9 times out of 10 I'm apart of it. I was thinking about using my cell phone light but always assumed it would blind the shit out of the chicks. I wanted to record all the asian women around us so I could show the crew that you were in POTENTIAL paradise if you so chose to.

I hate saying this over and over BUT this time it really seems like phone will be back this weekend. Reasserting certain habits did the trick since parents see its stupid that I'm out with no phone to even work haha. Also telling them that russian chick on friday hated the fact that I wasn't the guy she met a month ago helped since they associate me being in the house with depression hahaha.

My side of the crusade soon begins as I spread my influence throughout the nightlife world...Eat sleep and S close this life...
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Distant Light

Distant Light

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

Hahaha, its true...

Polish was dressed real sexy that night BUT logisitics are horrible and she's already fooled around with travolta. That's why I love being surrounded by tons of attractive women because they'll understand if I ever give them the opportunity to take me home, they need to make the decision quick or I'll end up leaving with a different chick who might be potentially hotter. The night when I was at P-lounge with champagne chick I had so many options that a chick who I #closed the day before saw me and joked at how I was really enjoying myself. (Meaning I had so much choice that she didn't even bother to come hang with me that night) I bumped into her when going to "Tuesday Baby Tuesday" for the first time and we were all over each other, ended up pulling her.

Which is why army of tall women equals fun, money, sex all in one haha...

It's good your making some money money money...MONEY!! I'm hoping to just be productive all the time since I've now taken responsibility for my situation which is why I actually came out on the weekend. It's like this past month caused a traumatic experience for me which scarred me an now I want to just handle all the current obstacles.

I see a snow ball effect...It's like if we had nights like saturday all the women whether they knew a promoter or not would rather be around us. In the long run it'll have lots of women coming with us instead. For instance that LAish model chick tried coming to friday spot and actually went to saturday spot, both places she knew a promoter but came out because I was telling her too. (She probably just wanted to get fucked though) But I can see that sorta influence happening at the top spots. Put it us close by the model promoters an I'm getting me some models hahaha like that tall gorgeous chick, she was with a promoter and her friend who was escalating on me. (Didn't come close to how hot tall american looking one was)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA at postcards, that would be interesting to do since everyone has cell phones in the world. (besides me haha) I wante to roll to wednesday but doubt it since I have to hang with family. :( Its good timing though since I don't have to see them for awhile again and can focus 100% on my life haha. Cool chick might most likely roll with me so that should make things interesting.
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Distant Light

Distant Light

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 2390

FR: Tests, Challenges, Lessons & Potential Pull?

NOTE: Honestly I can't really break much of this down since I feel like I lack experience to really understand what's what. In the end all I could really do is give you my interpretations and tell you about the facts and dynamics that were going on.

About a week or two ago my mother had ask me to invite CC (Cool chick) to thanksgiving, I didn't want to since that went against my whole viewpoint BUT at the sametime I wasn't even living (Cell Phone Off) so decided why not just for a good laugh. She was down and little did I know the adventures that would unfold...

Enter family place an the social pressure begins as everyone bluntly try to figure out if were bf/gf, if were getting engaged, if the champagne is for us to hold a "special occassion speech", etc. No one could believe that CC and I are just friends!!! This confused them since we were flirting very passionately like we always do. People could see the tension and they're just thinking "Really, just friend's!?!? Friend's do that??" People would ask to take pictures an were kissing or were staring at each other flirtatiously.

Overall, I think she got super caught up in the frames they were trying to set because it almost felt like she wanted to be my girlfriend BUT I am firmly grounded in how my reality and lifestyle is. My family loved her all it took was 5 secs, she loved them and seeing the little kids made her want to have a kid.

Lessons Learned
- I'm learning that women are very nurturing, time and time again CC helps me out or does something for me. She basically made homemade pumpkin pie, bought a bottle of champagne, drove me around, and spent about 150 on me in two days.

- I've realized CC also stays consistent with how I truly am. CC was joking on me as my family joked about her being my gf and me being the next to marry. CC would counter saying "Who this guy!?!? You can't even get him to date seriously". I left her alone for abit an could hear them asking questions and making that sorta "How cute" sound. Based on them asking why I don't date her made me assume she told them we aren't dating because of me and how I am.

Adventure Times
We were suppose to see the christmass tree light up at midnight BUT turned out it was next week so after dropping my mother off I told her lets just go to manhattan and will figure something out. We ended up hitting wall street and taking pictures, this unfolded into one big adventure...

Lots of random pictures, video recording and then we start looking for a specific area. CC can't navigate well an we end up at ground zero, then near brooklyn bridge I decide we "Cross!!". Keep in mind were cracking up because it's actually raining and cold. Eventually we finish walking the bridge, find the street, then head back near her place for some food. She was willing to drive me home but I told her I'll just chill at her place since I was sleeping in the diner and didn't want her to spend 10 dollars. This is where things sorta fucked up...

In her house, she makes a bed on couch but we knew I would actually be sleeping there. However, I didn't know I'd be super tired as I sit on the couch only in my underwear watching orphan. I notice she took a birth control pill right as she comes to sit on couch. She knew sex would go down but I don't continue escalating and start cutting in and out of sleep. First 5mins it would've went down as we were biting each other but I just stopped, samething when I kissed her neck. Heck, when she first sat on the couch my dick was already hard, how we were sitting I couldn't see her so I noticed many times she was looking at my dick. Thing is she was so into the film that I didn't even bother pushing it and fell asleep. Two hours later she leaves to go to her room, NO SEX...

Next day, were on the couch were planning the day, I start escalating and she's all into it but now it's bad timing since it's like 5pm, we had shit to do and so I just put on my cloth. I should've gone home to use the bathroom but instead we hangout at this low key bar for wings and drinks. Turns out she spent 100 dollars on her and I together since she now wanted to get me drunk. Had 2 margarita's, top shelf tequlia shots, lemon drop shot, and liquid cocaine shot. CC tells me she wants to meet these chicks she met online, I'm down. At one point were listening to little mermaid "kiss the girl" and we start dancing in middle of time square. (Of course kiss)

Lessons Learned
- At one point while on wall street, I grabbed her an we madeout hardcore, an we sorta acknowledged that we lick each other. Our dynamic feels like she is trying to win me over in hopes that I'd eventually be willing to "date" her. At the sametime she wants me to hookup with other women and doesn't want me going for her.

- When I was on the couch with her it was obvious she just wanted me to ravish her on that couch. Her acting like she was so interested in the film was her way of playing but I didn't see it like that during the time. I state this because the next day she did the samething but I actually continued escalating.

- My ego was flaring up in a "WTF, she took birth control pill for christ sake, who cares if you were tired..." On a deeper level, I truly didn't care an just decided I'd present the opportunity in the morning. Little did I know I'd have a stomach ache and need to use the bathroom badly. However, anyone who knows me I refuse to use the bathroom in a public places or friend's house. Honestly, I didn't want to have sex with her under both conditions, me tired and then me with a stomach ache. At the sametime I have that dumbass belief that you need to pull as soon as possible, on a deeper level I don't even care so it overrides that retarded thought.

All Downhill From Here
When we met the 2 girl's we bonded easily, they couldn't believe we laugh and have so much fun. I'm already hugging these girl's, flirting, and having fun. There not attractive, but very cool women who we hit the bar with. I have two more drinks which me and 1 of the girl's chug. We leave to hit another bar that has 5 shots for 10 dollars but of course they don't let us in because were done.

Next thing I hear "Sex Shop!" which I give taxi dude address to soho and when we get out of taxi who was pissed at us the girl's are thinking "Wtf this isn't west 4th!!" Were cracking up that we are in the wrong area and hop in another taxi. The one who was chugging with me buys a vibrator, CC is talking about vibrator's since she has alot too and other chick doesn't have any but interested.

I'm super drunk, start approaching randoms on the street which goes well, on train to brooklyn I'm talking to women and being very physical haha. When we reach the venue were like the first people there, eventually it fills up. I was dancing with girl's, talking to other chicks around us and just sitting down due to feeling sick. Other chick who chuged is hugging me, sleeping on my back, so we take her to train station.

CC is being a "ice queen" hot which I love especially since I've never seen her like that. She's telling the girl were with that her italian friend's who showed up are boring. I catch her pouring her drink on some guy at the bar. As I'm chillin she is doing that "Eastern European Bitchy" sway that sorta imples a "Don't even think about apporaching me human!!" Some cool black dude finally shows up, he knows CC from back in college she dated his friend's. (We were going to hang with him earlier) She eventually leaves with him which funny enough she gives me a HANDSHAKE goodbye and then blows me a kiss when he's not looking.

There was abit of women around who were nice hipster girl's but I was sleeping in the bar for like an hour, boucer told me 3 times not to fall asleep, stomach still was hurting and eventually I decided to go home so I could USE THE FUCKING BATHROOM.

Lessons Learned
- In my mind I always interpret every chick getting fucked and despite that guy being her friend and her giving him a massage in the bar I just assume he fucks her. Although I don't care my ego always wonders whether I'm the "Guy who doesn't count" or the provider. Depending on how you look at it I can be slot in either or. When I got home I noticed a message on facebook about me needing to get a damn phone because she most likely wanted to meet up. (Most would think I'd say nothing went down BUT no my mind would just assume she just finished sucking him off and wanted to meet with me. I assume such bizarre things with all women)

- CC and I are amazing together but there is no way I can give up my lifestyle. Only reason this hanging out 1 on 1 stuff is cool is because at the moment I'm not living, when I have a cell phone I can plant seeds. The amount of options, random adventures, no stress, no cares, and zero thought about my sex life is priceless. Looking at the videos I recorded brought back good times but ultimately it's not for me, especially when I look at pictures and videos with other women it's all just so much fun that I'm not willing to ever give it up just to say I'm having sex with a specific girl. (I rather keep her as a friend then TRY to have sex with her)

- When I'm living my life I don't give a fuck. At this moment I try to ponder the possibility that CC is getting fucked, has lots of orbiters (including myself) and possibly is a lesbian instead of bi-curious. (In bar while drunk she states how much she likes me but dislikes dick) All this minor stuff is actually irrelevant when I'm just living my life because I have so many seeds planted that I don't really care who gets to take me home.

P.S...I'm too lazy to edit any videos right now so didn't bother uploading any videos. (Some videos have faces clearly on camera) This is a regular clip of me just being stupid with cool chick.

P.S.S...After writing this post I'm fuming inside because each day I go out reconfirms how much I want to go back to my regular lifestyle of just being a whore. I feel like I'm wasting my life right now, just doing whatever because I have nothing better to do. I want to build this empire an just see how far it can go, I don't give a fuck about anything else anymore. Last two days were fun an all BUT I know I don't want to live my life like that, I don't want a girlfriend, I don't want to ever be married, I don't want to spend so much time with one chick, I just want to live my life and see how far my vision can go.
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