THE FORUMS

December 3rd, 2016
Getting a Social Life Quickly
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Zabka

Zabka

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/15/2007 | Posts: 190

I write all this assuming you have the basics down—dress decently, reasonably fit, no red flags about your physical appearance, good hygiene, and generally pleasant to be around.

Building a social life takes time and you have to apply yourself on different fronts—all of which I’ll step you through.

A few principles:

1. Building a social life is exponentially easier in large, cosmopolitan cities. Big cities have this reputation of “playgrounds for social elites.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Even in a place like LA—which is spread out and cliquish—it’s still much, much easier to make new friends there than in a small city in a fly-over state.

In larger cities, you have more transplants, so they’re eager to meet new people. Smaller towns are typically dominated by people with lower social needs and with preestablished friendships. And lots of married folks as well. Morever, bigger cities are more diverse, so it’s easier to find your niche.

Look hard at your social needs. If you want a lot of social activities—particularly if your work environment doesn’t meet them—then you need to move to a large city.

2. You won’t make any real friends in a dance club. Rather, you’ll become part of a “club circle.” Of course, this is assuming you have access to hot girls, coke, money, or some social status. If you don’t have these things, you won’t become part of the club circle. You’ll be another dude in the club.

3. You can’t game girls then turn around and befriend with them. The whole dynamic of the relationship will be based on sexual tension. Eventually it will either fizzle out or come to a head. When befriending girls I’m simply a funny, positive, and interesting guy. No game. Never complain about anything. Complaining about anything—even if it totally sucks—kills budding friendships more than anything else.

Then I invite them to a party or whatever. One thing I’ve noticed is that I’ll be a “go-to guy” for when girls are going out—like if they’re going to an event they think might suck, they’ll invite me because they know I’m fun regardless. Or I have cool guy friends I can introduce them to.

Community guys will object to this style of befriending girls, and this is precisely why community guys only roll out with dudes.

Where and how you live.
First off, don’t live way out in the suburbs where families live. If you have a house 20 miles away from a strip of bars, you can’t call it Project Hollywood. You call it Project Cock. That’s what it is.

Places you want live:

1) An apartment or condo complex with many young, single people and a pool. These places will often have holidy and summer parties. Great for making friends. You’ll have a mix of college students and young professionals in these places.
2) or, a place within walking distance to cool bars. People will want to come to your house to pre-game and after-party.
3) or, a house with other social roommates. Preferably coed. When looking for roommates, avoid: quiet people who stick to themselves, guys who are p-whipped by a girlfriend, girls who are d-whipped by a boyfriend, or raging alcoholics/drug users. You want normal, outgoing roommates.
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To hammer the point home: unless you’re pushing 40, you should live with cool roommates. If you own a place, then rent out rooms to normal, reliable people. The ideal to strive for is having normal, social roommates in a part of town that is walking distance to cool bars.

Secondly, and this is so huge, when you go to these nearby bars you become a local. A local, not a regular. Regulars are just random people who frequent the bars. Locals have a reason to be there and they get along well with other locals. Locals invite other locals—assuming again they are normal—to housee parties and BBQ’s. After all, they live a few blocks apart, why wouldn’t they?

Tips on improve your place:

Purchases. You don't need to drop a ton of money to have a pimp pad. Aside from it being clean, there are five essentials things about my house that have made it a social hub, they are:
5) A fire pit. Great for parties, BBQ’s, Samores. Chilling.
4) Wii/Rockband. Great for having people over. Great for after parties. Keeps the party vibe going.
3) Have a stock of booze for guests.
2) A Beer Pong Table in my garage. Cost a whopping total of $25 on Craigslist.
1) Location. It's very close to the bars. Less than a ten-dollar cab ride.

Many early community gurus said you needed some really gigantic pad with a big screen projector, a pool, etc. etc. etc. Some still do. You don’t. In reality, most early community gurus were nerds who predicated their identity on being wealthy connected guys—“I’m a rock star! RAWR!”

How to meet people:

I would say your first stop is to go your local lair. I say this because you might actually meet 1 guy out of 400 who is normal and focused on building a social life.

Go to two of the meetings. If the dudes are weird both times, then bail and never go back. Look to befriend the guys who are normal, funny, and who take community advice with a grain of salt. Typically their backstory will be something like, “I used to be decent with girls in college, then…” Befriend these guys.

Avoid the dudes who unload about personal problems, talk about their “journey”, dress weird, don’t smile, talk about theory, have cheat cards in field, compare seduction companies, or use “shock and awe.”

These guys are industrial strength vagina repellant.

This will be your first stop. If you’re lucky, you’ll make one or two new cool friends. If not, move on.

Next, start filling your evening schedule with group activities where it is likely people form real friendships and as opposed to situational friendships. In other words, do they hang out together when the activity is over?

Things to look at:
- Jogging clubs.
- A group fitness class like Crossfit
- Coed, team sport.
- Happy Hour groups
- Meetup.com. I’ve run into a karaoke group at a bar near my house. They seemed normal to me.
- Junior chamber of commerce, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Be funny and outgoing. Not alpha. Get numbers, business cards, emails. Whatever. You’re going to channel them towards your facebook or text them about parties, or just text them to joining up and going bar hopping.

The Game Side of Things
. Doing this, you’ll meet many girls are who are 4 to 7 in the looks category. The occasional 8. But things to consider:
-Many of these girls are still fun to hang out with.
- They typically have hot friends.
- They can be decent wings
- They are just as hot as the girls the best PUA’s pull.

So where are the 9’s and 10’s? Most don’t have normal social lives. They bounce from relationship to relationship or they’re part of the club crowd or a nightlife clique.

What’s the exception? There are certain girls who are 10’s who don’t really dress up at all, or put on makeup, and still look like 8’s. This has happened to me a few times in day-game. When you meet up on a date, they actually dress up and you’re floored by their looks. After a few experiences like that, you can spot these girls. Some 8’s are 8’s. Some 8’s are 10’s. .

Befriending Natruals. In all of these activities, you’ll meet a lot of average, boring dudes. Call them AFC’s or whatever. Be nice to them. Some of these guys will have social hookups or are orbiters around hot girls.

About 1 guy in 10 will be cool enough to hang out with but still can’t consistently game girls or can only pull from his social circle
About 1 guy in 20 will be a natural who is good at straight-up cold approach—typically was an athelete growing up, was in a frat, decent looking and in good shape.

How do you befriend the cold-approach naturals? It’s funny. Most of them are easier to befriend than AFC. Most guys have a lot of social inhibitions or afraid of looking gay trying to befriend another guy. Most cold-approach naturals just take the stance of “Whatever dude. Yeah, let’s go mack on girls.”

Social circle naturals will tend to be more aloof because their options are more limited and they don’t want it screwed up.

Most cold-approach naturals are receptive if you’re on roughly the same level in terms of social value. Like if you’re a 300 lbs virgin, you’ll have a hard time befriending naturals. They don’t care if you lack some social skills because they can take the opening role. But you can’t be weird. That’s why I emphasize getting all of the basics down.

Again, you can products. You can’t buy basics.

The more interests you have in common with them and closer you live nearby, the easier it is to befriend them.

Do you discuss game with them? It's better not to. If you do and can't get girls, it's like a guy who gives tips on basketball and shoots granny shots.  If fact, I'll often talk down my game down a lot. Like, "She is making me so nervous. I think I may wet myself if I talk to her." Then I simply go open.   For whatever reason, it helps met get in state quickly in the club. No ego.  

Anyway, that’s probably overkill for now.
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Zabka
Field-tested, club-hoochie approved.
Game = not being socially retarded + good lifestyle + having balls + dressing decent + sense of humor
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#1
Shit.

Shit.

Trusted Member

Join Date: 01/12/2008 | Posts: 1780

Great post.
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#2
TheHitter!

TheHitter!

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/18/2008 | Posts: 218

Didn't you make a post about fashion ages ago? All the pics were no longer being hosted when I saw it I think - I'd love it if you could update that. This is a great post as well, thanks! 
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#3
TristanLudlow

TristanLudlow

Senior Member

Join Date: 04/06/2010 | Posts: 201

nice post. Its true, finding normal cool dudes is fucking hard. Lots of weird shit out there. Especially dudes that are good with girls.

My social circle sucks... And like you said, I think its mostly due to the fact I live so far out from everything.
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#4
BROner

BROner

Respected Member

Join Date: 01/22/2010 | Posts: 318

Thanks, needed this. Although, a lot of it doesn't apply to me, the basic points still work. :)
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"It's a game filled with little peaks of success and long plateaus.  You go a bit further each time, but more walls lay ahead."-Chance
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#5

Taxo

Member

Join Date: 02/05/2010 | Posts: 92

Thanks, really inspiring

"Social circle naturals will tend to be more aloof because their options are more limited and they don’t want it screwed up."

Didn't get what you mean there.
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#6

imthaifool

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/09/2009 | Posts: 219

A good synthesis of a lot of your previous posts. You speak like you've done all this and it's very vivid to you. Would you say you went from afc to pua? What are your next steps or are you at the top?
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#7

against_all_odds

Senior Member

Join Date: 11/03/2009 | Posts: 143

Nice effort. I liked the ideas on location etc.  But I have to disagree on screening/judging people. Its completely manipulative and asocial thing to do. It seems that your approach is to NOT get better but feed on people who are already better! I don't see any thought about GIVING. Thats the fundamental rule of socializing.
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#8
Zabka

Zabka

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/15/2007 | Posts: 190

Yes, I went from a guy who struggled with basic socializing--let alone getting girls--to doing well.

There will always be next steps. When you get older, it gets harder to balance a night life  vs. real world responsibilities.   There will always be things to work on.   



imthaifool wrote:
A good synthesis of a lot of your previous posts. You speak like you've done all this and it's very vivid to you. Would you say you went from afc to pua? What are your next steps or are you at the top?
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Zabka
Field-tested, club-hoochie approved.
Game = not being socially retarded + good lifestyle + having balls + dressing decent + sense of humor
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#9
AboveAverageJoe

AboveAverageJoe

Member

Join Date: 02/20/2012 | Posts: 84

This is one of the greatest posts I ve ever read about getting a social life, and doing it the right way.
Kudos.
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#10
Torsh

Torsh

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/05/2012 | Posts: 192

 Massive value!

Im about to move to Manila  (big city) and I am probably going to do a lot of the things you are talking about, and I will be making a fr thread on it...

Thanks

Torsh
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