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January 17th, 2017
About approach anxiety
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Meritocrat

Member

Join Date: 05/24/2009 | Posts: 57

 Can you guys describe what it means for you ?

I think mine is a bit different than the rest due to me having social anxiety anyway. When I think about approaching a random girl, I don't think so much about the fact that she's going to ignore me or play me down or whatever, but how I'm going to look in the eyes of others around me and her. Basically, the more people there is around, the more I'm anxious. That doesn't mean I don't get anxiety when some girl is alone, but I think this is a bigger problem for me.

What about you, is it like this for your anxiety or is it completely about the girl rejecting you ?
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#1

winandr

Member

Join Date: 02/08/2010 | Posts: 74

Thats a common "anxiety" issue that almost every guy has been through. Don't think, just do it! You're already creating the outcome by thinking.
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#2
Davey Train

Davey Train

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/02/2008 | Posts: 317

 you only experience approach anxiety when you are outcome dependent. Let go of having a desired outcome and you will not experience it. Just be clear in why you are approaching but realize you do not have control over what the outcome may be, you may get blown out immediately, or you may take this girl home, so what. Theres so much randomness that you can not take responsibility for the outcome. your only criteria for success is that you approach, consider the fact that you approach a victory, regardless of what happens,

Dave
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#3

lee-vi®

Member

Join Date: 04/06/2009 | Posts: 75

Well, I hate to break the news to you. But, it looks good to others when you can approach a girl... Even if you get blown out most guys view you as her fuck buddy or friend who might have pissed her off and not just some stranger. Plus, most people really honestly don't give a shit about what happens to a complete stranger. They are either having a good time with their friends and meeting new people or are worrying about the same thing you had mentioned.

Basically dude, "act like you like girls". The only thing you have to worry about is if she can feel your sexual energy enough as you are peircing through her being with lazer intent.

"Cut the shit, time to fuck."

Plus, approach anxiety only exist because someone out there wrote it down on ASF back in the 90s.

The only mindset on repeat you should have is... "You want me".
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#4
Dustin

Dustin

Respected Member

Join Date: 07/04/2009 | Posts: 458

Davey Train wrote:
 you only experience approach anxiety when you are outcome dependent. Let go of having a desired outcome and you will not experience it. Just be clear in why you are approaching but realize you do not have control over what the outcome may be, you may get blown out immediately, or you may take this girl home, so what. Theres so much randomness that you can not take responsibility for the outcome. your only criteria for success is that you approach, consider the fact that you approach a victory, regardless of what happens,

Dave



I don't agree w/ the first part of your post at all. No matter how little you care about an outcome, the anxiety is strongly a result of the subconscious. Re-wiring that is a long process.
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#5

wayofthepua

Junior Member

Join Date: 03/06/2010 | Posts: 14

Mystery said it best... it's in our genes:



Makes sense.
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#6

lee-vi®

Member

Join Date: 04/06/2009 | Posts: 75

Pain/Pleasure. Just get a wing and play the 30 second game. Do you live in a small or big town Meritocrat?

-Levi
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#7

Meritocrat

Member

Join Date: 05/24/2009 | Posts: 57

Dustin wrote:

Davey Train wrote:
 you only experience approach anxiety when you are outcome dependent. Let go of having a desired outcome and you will not experience it. Just be clear in why you are approaching but realize you do not have control over what the outcome may be, you may get blown out immediately, or you may take this girl home, so what. Theres so much randomness that you can not take responsibility for the outcome. your only criteria for success is that you approach, consider the fact that you approach a victory, regardless of what happens,

Dave



I don't agree w/ the first part of your post at all. No matter how little you care about an outcome, the anxiety is strongly a result of the subconscious. Re-wiring that is a long process.
Indeed. I don't give a fuck really, but when I'm in the actual situations - there we go, I feel the anxiety and some sort of 'block' to my actions.
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#8
Dustin

Dustin

Respected Member

Join Date: 07/04/2009 | Posts: 458

Meritocrat wrote:

Dustin wrote:

Davey Train wrote:
 you only experience approach anxiety when you are outcome dependent. Let go of having a desired outcome and you will not experience it. Just be clear in why you are approaching but realize you do not have control over what the outcome may be, you may get blown out immediately, or you may take this girl home, so what. Theres so much randomness that you can not take responsibility for the outcome. your only criteria for success is that you approach, consider the fact that you approach a victory, regardless of what happens,

Dave



I don't agree w/ the first part of your post at all. No matter how little you care about an outcome, the anxiety is strongly a result of the subconscious. Re-wiring that is a long process.
Indeed. I don't give a fuck really, but when I'm in the actual situations - there we go, I feel the anxiety and some sort of 'block' to my actions.
It gets easier each time you do it, it's more of an exposure thing than an inner game issue. Good luck man.
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