THE FORUMS
You answered your own question. Since you didn't have your priorities straight, you were concentrating on the wrong thing. IOW, you had "2. Get to know her" and "1. Fuck" backwards. Fortunately you realized it and corrected the mistake, reprioritized and got past the LMR. Remember (& I've said this from the beginning) the list isn't defining what you say or do to the exclusion of the other. It's not a script. The list clarifies what your goals and priorities are. You keep the order of those priorities in mind and proceed from there.
Truth was the reason for my failure wasn't so much that I got to know the girl as it was that I wasn't leading enough, and was stalling with escalation too much.
__________________
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The only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything
at the same time, the ones who never yawn
or say a commonplace thing, but
burn, burn, burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding
like spiders ac r o s s the stars.
-Kerouac
The only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything
at the same time, the ones who never yawn
or say a commonplace thing, but
burn, burn, burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding
like spiders ac r o s s the stars.
-Kerouac
edit
__________________
-------
The only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything
at the same time, the ones who never yawn
or say a commonplace thing, but
burn, burn, burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding
like spiders ac r o s s the stars.
-Kerouac
The only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything
at the same time, the ones who never yawn
or say a commonplace thing, but
burn, burn, burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding
like spiders ac r o s s the stars.
-Kerouac
edit
__________________
-------
The only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything
at the same time, the ones who never yawn
or say a commonplace thing, but
burn, burn, burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding
like spiders ac r o s s the stars.
-Kerouac
The only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything
at the same time, the ones who never yawn
or say a commonplace thing, but
burn, burn, burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding
like spiders ac r o s s the stars.
-Kerouac
the question is... do you ever truly know anyone?
*ohmmmmmmmm*
*ohmmmmmmmm*
__________________
Hai!!!
@FB,
Sounds to me, like you recently came to grips with your masculine sexuality and discovered the power of expressing sexual intent. Being able to express your core sexuality is, without a doubt, a big game changer. Maybe the biggest, and it's after this realization that guys will go transform from intermediates and working their ass off for results to being advanced and getting results effortlessly.
However! there is a next level where one carries their sexuality unconciously and the priorities are once again re-arranged. Now, getting laid isn't a concern or a priority at all; The game becomes: 1. Show up 2. Get to know the girl if you're so inclined and 3. The sex magically takes care of itself. Women become the "closers" at this point and this is also the time when most guys will get into a long term relationship.
The original post is accurate but it's relative to where you are in your development.
Dudes aren't understanding. This is a priority list, not a script.
I'm not saying don't get to know her. Of course you need to know how much of a psycho she is, basic info. Which you can do in a couple sentences.
But ask yourself, what is your goal? To find this shit out? Or to bang? Are you with a girl so you can watch Lost and get backstory? Or are you with her because she makes your balls tingle and you want to empty them in her presence? Be honest.
This is not polarizing or standing in contrast to anything I have written before. It cuts directly to the core of what various people have been preaching here for years. I don't expect people to take to it like chocolate cake. It runs counter to the way we've been brought up, the way we typically conduct ourselves and try to model our behavior after what we see in movies, read in the storybooks, etc. It's opposite what we think of as normal, but it's perfectly in alignment with nature. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on this, what worked, what didn't work, what I learned from the best, what was crap.
When I realigned my values in accordance with this natural law, it was a game-changer. When my priority changed from a fairy-tale to the Discovery Channel, I realized that 99% the "dating advice" was window-dressing, and didn't matter at all. All that mattered was my priorities, and keeping those crystal fucking clear: 1. fuck 2. get to know
Sounds to me, like you recently came to grips with your masculine sexuality and discovered the power of expressing sexual intent. Being able to express your core sexuality is, without a doubt, a big game changer. Maybe the biggest, and it's after this realization that guys will go transform from intermediates and working their ass off for results to being advanced and getting results effortlessly.
However! there is a next level where one carries their sexuality unconciously and the priorities are once again re-arranged. Now, getting laid isn't a concern or a priority at all; The game becomes: 1. Show up 2. Get to know the girl if you're so inclined and 3. The sex magically takes care of itself. Women become the "closers" at this point and this is also the time when most guys will get into a long term relationship.
The original post is accurate but it's relative to where you are in your development.
Dudes aren't understanding. This is a priority list, not a script.
I'm not saying don't get to know her. Of course you need to know how much of a psycho she is, basic info. Which you can do in a couple sentences.
But ask yourself, what is your goal? To find this shit out? Or to bang? Are you with a girl so you can watch Lost and get backstory? Or are you with her because she makes your balls tingle and you want to empty them in her presence? Be honest.
This is not polarizing or standing in contrast to anything I have written before. It cuts directly to the core of what various people have been preaching here for years. I don't expect people to take to it like chocolate cake. It runs counter to the way we've been brought up, the way we typically conduct ourselves and try to model our behavior after what we see in movies, read in the storybooks, etc. It's opposite what we think of as normal, but it's perfectly in alignment with nature. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on this, what worked, what didn't work, what I learned from the best, what was crap.
When I realigned my values in accordance with this natural law, it was a game-changer. When my priority changed from a fairy-tale to the Discovery Channel, I realized that 99% the "dating advice" was window-dressing, and didn't matter at all. All that mattered was my priorities, and keeping those crystal fucking clear: 1. fuck 2. get to know
__________________
I have always loved truth so passionately that I have often resorted to lying as a way of introducing it into the minds which were ignorant of its charms.
-Giacomo Casanova-
-Giacomo Casanova-
This all happened about 2 or 3 years ago. I wrote it because I have noticed a LOT of guys, including you "vociferous dissenters" out there, struggling hard with this stuff, and still struggling. The problem has had many names and has been discussed in many forms, so it's not like this is brand new psychological insight here, just my latest take on it. Most big problems persist because of a lack of clear objectives. This post is all about crystal fucking clear objectives. I'm a big believer in getting your priorities straight and letting the rest take care of itself.
Reading back over the replies, about 85% of guys got it, what it means, along with how I presented it. The rest of you are what, annoyed that you didn't have a good idea so you like to just take a dump? I dunno, but it's always been the same story here in storyland as long as I've been here... mostly a good group of guys with a few fucktards that only want to kick sand in everybody's face. If it were my forum, I'd hit the kill switch that winds its way through the InterTubes to your screen and keyboard and sends a motherfuckin electric shock right into your hearts. But hey, I haven't invented that trick yet, and believe you me, assholes, my monkeys are hard at work on it. Meanwhile, may you suffocate yourselves in a fattie's fat roll while she reams your asses with greasy cans of cheez wiz.
(edit: this was too funny to edit out, so it remains)
Reading back over the replies, about 85% of guys got it, what it means, along with how I presented it. The rest of you are what, annoyed that you didn't have a good idea so you like to just take a dump? I dunno, but it's always been the same story here in storyland as long as I've been here... mostly a good group of guys with a few fucktards that only want to kick sand in everybody's face. If it were my forum, I'd hit the kill switch that winds its way through the InterTubes to your screen and keyboard and sends a motherfuckin electric shock right into your hearts. But hey, I haven't invented that trick yet, and believe you me, assholes, my monkeys are hard at work on it. Meanwhile, may you suffocate yourselves in a fattie's fat roll while she reams your asses with greasy cans of cheez wiz.
(edit: this was too funny to edit out, so it remains)
__________________
-------
The only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything
at the same time, the ones who never yawn
or say a commonplace thing, but
burn, burn, burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding
like spiders ac r o s s the stars.
-Kerouac
The only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything
at the same time, the ones who never yawn
or say a commonplace thing, but
burn, burn, burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding
like spiders ac r o s s the stars.
-Kerouac
How I see this, what I get from this:
Often, you feel like it's seperated. Like, on the one hand you have the girl, how she's like, what she's about, how you like her. And on the other hand is "I WANT TO FUCK!!!". And the latter is kind of... well you don't want to bring it up too early because it's disrespecting the girl, who is (from this perspective) seperate from the sex. So you have to care for the girl first, ask who she is, what she does, so that you have permission to continue to the dirty part.
But that's wrong! There is no such difference.
You can "get" what this girl is about, who she really is, by not even talking a word to her. You can connect to her on an intensely deep level by touching, dancing, kissing fucking. Because that's what she is, too. She is not only "the girl who was born in California and who now works as a...". She is also the sexual being right in front of you, and if you bring that out, if you connect with her on that sexual level, if you play with her and fuck her, that's really celebrating her being, too.
That was a real big discovery for me. Not "I have to get to know her, connect to her on many levels, I have to build trust so that she will eventually agree to fuck me". No, I don't have to. And it's good that way, for me and for her. There are moments where it's right to, and moments where it isn't. Because if you have a deep sexual vibe going, that's so much more of a connection and of "honoring who she is" than any sharing of past experiences or future plans could ever do with a girl you just met.
You're doing her a favor! And yourself, too.
Often, you feel like it's seperated. Like, on the one hand you have the girl, how she's like, what she's about, how you like her. And on the other hand is "I WANT TO FUCK!!!". And the latter is kind of... well you don't want to bring it up too early because it's disrespecting the girl, who is (from this perspective) seperate from the sex. So you have to care for the girl first, ask who she is, what she does, so that you have permission to continue to the dirty part.
But that's wrong! There is no such difference.
You can "get" what this girl is about, who she really is, by not even talking a word to her. You can connect to her on an intensely deep level by touching, dancing, kissing fucking. Because that's what she is, too. She is not only "the girl who was born in California and who now works as a...". She is also the sexual being right in front of you, and if you bring that out, if you connect with her on that sexual level, if you play with her and fuck her, that's really celebrating her being, too.
That was a real big discovery for me. Not "I have to get to know her, connect to her on many levels, I have to build trust so that she will eventually agree to fuck me". No, I don't have to. And it's good that way, for me and for her. There are moments where it's right to, and moments where it isn't. Because if you have a deep sexual vibe going, that's so much more of a connection and of "honoring who she is" than any sharing of past experiences or future plans could ever do with a girl you just met.
You're doing her a favor! And yourself, too.
__________________
It's not about more, adding stuff.
It's about less, removing stuff that's holding you back.
It's about less, removing stuff that's holding you back.
I'm sorry I'm not the kind of poster who goes around being like "nice job" "great post" to everyone who has a strong reality and some writing skills.
Foodbuddah~, you have to admit that's a nice complement from Rockavon. Maybe Rockavon is not so humilliated as he sounds if he can say stuff like this.
Not to get off topic here but I will just say this Chaos:
I went from being a guy who constantly had a girlfriend and who had an HB8 on my arm for several years to being a guy who was 27 years old and had lost contact with the majority of his friends (relationship ended up sucking the life out of me and my girl got rid of many of the numbers i had and cut off many of my relationships).
When I went back out there and started meeting new people I was getting far but being shut down. I moved in with a girl who was bisexual and started messing around with her but she left me for her boyfriend. After a pattern started to emerge and I figured there was something wrong.
I found this pickup community and started trying EVERYTHING and doing ANYTHING. I threw a bunch of shit at the wall to see what sticks. So yes there have been many days since this journey started where I have felt humiliated. Many times where my ego has taken huge shots out there. Anyone who cold approaches a lot understands what I'm talking about. Not every day is a bouquet full of roses. I try to just focus on all the successes along the way, continously strive to get better and better, and help guys to avoid the many pitfalls that I have ran into -- because I have ran into every single pitfall there is at least 5 times each and probably more like 10.
No I'm not perfect. Yeah maybe I have some anger or resentment harbored inside of me -- but one thing about me is that I know my shit, I will NEVER quit, and I'm going to speak my mind if I think it's the right thing to do. If I come off humiliated to you because of that, well then somethings probably lost in the text translation.
Lets just let this thread get back on topic eh?
Good stuff. The more painful the more universal. I went from being a guy who constantly had a girlfriend and who had an HB8 on my arm for several years to being a guy who was 27 years old and had lost contact with the majority of his friends (relationship ended up sucking the life out of me and my girl got rid of many of the numbers i had and cut off many of my relationships).
When I went back out there and started meeting new people I was getting far but being shut down. I moved in with a girl who was bisexual and started messing around with her but she left me for her boyfriend. After a pattern started to emerge and I figured there was something wrong.
I found this pickup community and started trying EVERYTHING and doing ANYTHING. I threw a bunch of shit at the wall to see what sticks. So yes there have been many days since this journey started where I have felt humiliated. Many times where my ego has taken huge shots out there. Anyone who cold approaches a lot understands what I'm talking about. Not every day is a bouquet full of roses. I try to just focus on all the successes along the way, continously strive to get better and better, and help guys to avoid the many pitfalls that I have ran into -- because I have ran into every single pitfall there is at least 5 times each and probably more like 10.
No I'm not perfect. Yeah maybe I have some anger or resentment harbored inside of me -- but one thing about me is that I know my shit, I will NEVER quit, and I'm going to speak my mind if I think it's the right thing to do. If I come off humiliated to you because of that, well then somethings probably lost in the text translation.
Lets just let this thread get back on topic eh?
De Reet Sap Ram...
Trusted Member
Join Date: 01/04/2008 | Posts: 1267
Good stuff.