THE FORUMS
Has too much casual sex prevented me from ever getting into a committed relationship?
I have actually hit this mental block like you a short while back.
When you go from a Cherishing frame to being "Mr. sexalot", and then you try to go back to the cherishing frame, its hard.
Firstly, its because you start being very picky and very intolerant of girl's short comings or their little quirks. (She talks too much, she talks too little, she has a weird laugh, she snores, one eyebrow is longer than the other etc etc...) Because you know you can easily replace them like a lightbulb, why bother investing time to improving her when u can find a nicer girl?
Secondly, and this is what you're going through, is that you're just not in the right phase of your life to be getting committed. Casual sex might be getting old, but your mentality towards several girls, as opposed to one girl hasn't really changed. Until you can honestly say that you would rather have 1 girl over many, the feelings and thoughts linger. I'm currently in a semi-long relationship but I can feel the wear and tear of thinking about other girls and the missed opportunities along the way.
You gotta honestly assess if you are in the right phase of your life to be committed, both mentally and emotionally. Its a huge toll, I must say.
When you go from a Cherishing frame to being "Mr. sexalot", and then you try to go back to the cherishing frame, its hard.
Firstly, its because you start being very picky and very intolerant of girl's short comings or their little quirks. (She talks too much, she talks too little, she has a weird laugh, she snores, one eyebrow is longer than the other etc etc...) Because you know you can easily replace them like a lightbulb, why bother investing time to improving her when u can find a nicer girl?
Secondly, and this is what you're going through, is that you're just not in the right phase of your life to be getting committed. Casual sex might be getting old, but your mentality towards several girls, as opposed to one girl hasn't really changed. Until you can honestly say that you would rather have 1 girl over many, the feelings and thoughts linger. I'm currently in a semi-long relationship but I can feel the wear and tear of thinking about other girls and the missed opportunities along the way.
You gotta honestly assess if you are in the right phase of your life to be committed, both mentally and emotionally. Its a huge toll, I must say.
Interesting..this is my main reason why I study men and PUA. Basically: Many would disagree with me because afterall, this is a PUA site. But you have to invest, take time and spend time with one person to get to know them. I'm a firm beleiver in one on one....I beleive in love and trying to make things work.
There are no perfect people. So when you keep looking for the greener pastures......maybe you hit the bullseye a long time ago and the opportunity has now passed.
However, if you ARE thinking about other women and have urges to cheat. Maybe it's still not the right time and you should continue to date. Good luck.
Love Rules! ;)
There are no perfect people. So when you keep looking for the greener pastures......maybe you hit the bullseye a long time ago and the opportunity has now passed.
However, if you ARE thinking about other women and have urges to cheat. Maybe it's still not the right time and you should continue to date. Good luck.
Love Rules! ;)
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"Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it...."
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This question is mainly aimed at guys who have no problems getting women, have been playing the game for quite some time and have gone on to get into a committed relationship.
So here's my story: I got into the game about 5 years ago. I was a complete chode and used to get huge crushes on girls all the time but get nowhere with them. So I started going out regularly, took a bootcamp and long story short, I got good. Meeting and hooking up with women hasn’t been an issue for me for quite some time, I’m generally seeing more girls than I have time for and get laid very regularly.
And here’s the problem: About 6 months ago I started getting tired of casual sex and decided it was time for me to get into something more meaningful. Since then I’ve been doing my best to get to know girls instead of just trying to sleep with them. Of all the girls I’ve met in this time, I’ve been unable to feel anything more than attraction for them. I initially assumed this was because they just weren’t right for me, however I recently (2 months ago) started exclusively dating a girl who ticks every box, both physically and personality wise but I still don’t seem to have any deep feelings forming. When I’m with her it’s good, I enjoy it and I don’t think about other girls, but as soon as I’m away from her I start getting massively tempted by other girls, I start missing the game and have urges to break up with her and start sleeping around!
Am I addicted to the game? Does having an abundance of women make it impossible to ever feel something for just one? Or is 2 months just not enough time for these kinds of feelings to form?
Before you ask, I’m not a psychopath! I have plenty of close friends and get on well with my parents and family. I am however very independent, through RSD and eckharte tolle I’ve become very happy in myself and do not feel a need to rely on others, maybe this is the issue? How do you fall in love with someone if you are perfectly happy the way you are?
Any advice or opinions would be much appreciated!
Lex
Its your life - don't be pressured (BY FRIENDS, FAMILY, RSD, NOBODY) to be one way or the other. Do YOUSo here's my story: I got into the game about 5 years ago. I was a complete chode and used to get huge crushes on girls all the time but get nowhere with them. So I started going out regularly, took a bootcamp and long story short, I got good. Meeting and hooking up with women hasn’t been an issue for me for quite some time, I’m generally seeing more girls than I have time for and get laid very regularly.
And here’s the problem: About 6 months ago I started getting tired of casual sex and decided it was time for me to get into something more meaningful. Since then I’ve been doing my best to get to know girls instead of just trying to sleep with them. Of all the girls I’ve met in this time, I’ve been unable to feel anything more than attraction for them. I initially assumed this was because they just weren’t right for me, however I recently (2 months ago) started exclusively dating a girl who ticks every box, both physically and personality wise but I still don’t seem to have any deep feelings forming. When I’m with her it’s good, I enjoy it and I don’t think about other girls, but as soon as I’m away from her I start getting massively tempted by other girls, I start missing the game and have urges to break up with her and start sleeping around!
Am I addicted to the game? Does having an abundance of women make it impossible to ever feel something for just one? Or is 2 months just not enough time for these kinds of feelings to form?
Before you ask, I’m not a psychopath! I have plenty of close friends and get on well with my parents and family. I am however very independent, through RSD and eckharte tolle I’ve become very happy in myself and do not feel a need to rely on others, maybe this is the issue? How do you fall in love with someone if you are perfectly happy the way you are?
Any advice or opinions would be much appreciated!
Lex
If you want to have casual sex - have casual sex
If you want to your casual sex to turn into something more long term - let it
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Lex
Member
Join Date: 08/23/2006 | Posts: 64
So here's my story: I got into the game about 5 years ago. I was a complete chode and used to get huge crushes on girls all the time but get nowhere with them. So I started going out regularly, took a bootcamp and long story short, I got good. Meeting and hooking up with women hasn’t been an issue for me for quite some time, I’m generally seeing more girls than I have time for and get laid very regularly.
And here’s the problem: About 6 months ago I started getting tired of casual sex and decided it was time for me to get into something more meaningful. Since then I’ve been doing my best to get to know girls instead of just trying to sleep with them. Of all the girls I’ve met in this time, I’ve been unable to feel anything more than attraction for them. I initially assumed this was because they just weren’t right for me, however I recently (2 months ago) started exclusively dating a girl who ticks every box, both physically and personality wise but I still don’t seem to have any deep feelings forming. When I’m with her it’s good, I enjoy it and I don’t think about other girls, but as soon as I’m away from her I start getting massively tempted by other girls, I start missing the game and have urges to break up with her and start sleeping around!
Am I addicted to the game? Does having an abundance of women make it impossible to ever feel something for just one? Or is 2 months just not enough time for these kinds of feelings to form?
Before you ask, I’m not a psychopath! I have plenty of close friends and get on well with my parents and family. I am however very independent, through RSD and eckharte tolle I’ve become very happy in myself and do not feel a need to rely on others, maybe this is the issue? How do you fall in love with someone if you are perfectly happy the way you are?
Any advice or opinions would be much appreciated!
Lex