THE FORUMS

Hi. My name is Matt, and I'm a perfectionist.

This was just one, of probably hundreds of epiphanies, learnings, “a-ha” moments, extreme lows and euphoric highs I had on boot camp. Having been a student of “game” for some time, and a practitioner for a little while, I had grown confused, frustrated and dejected about why I would have good nights and bad nights, with little idea of what was happening in between to produce these results and outcomes. Boot camp removed my “amber colour” glasses, but it also removed the fog and confusion that came with them.

At the end of the weekend, Ozzie suggested we write up our bootcamp experience to keep as a record and reference to what we had gone through. He also said that if we sent it to him, he'd make any comments or point out if we'd missed anything. I did this on Monday. I couldn't stop writing for about 8 hours as I relived the weekend in it's entirety. I went to University for 3 years and struggled to write a 10,000 word thesis. I spent 3 days with Ozzie, and had to stop myself at 15,000 words. He suggested I post this up. It is a long post, so it might take a while to read, but I encourage you to keep with it. You won't fully understand everything if you just read the first half. If you're lazy, then let me put it simply, like every other boot camp alumn: thinking about taking a boot camp? Just do it.

Credit to Raeven~. I took some of the things he wrote in his report here and put them in mine because I liked the way he articulated one or two things.

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Boot camp Weekend – London, 12th – 14th February, 2010

Before boot camp

I booked my boot camp in late November 2009, when I decided that enough was enough and that I need to start taking immediate action. I had thought about taking a boot camp for some time, but the reason I finally booked it was when I went out for a birthday meal with my two friends and their girlfriends. Their girlfriends were nice enough girls, not particularly attractive, just plain, normal girls. That’s alright for some, but I didn’t want to settle for that. I wanted more than that. I could easily have chosen that route. Opted for the first average girl that wanted me, but I didn’t want that. I wanted choice and I wanted the best. The reason why I didn’t have this though, was my consistent lack of action. As I identified on the first night of boot camp, throughout my life I have avoided taking action in so many areas of my life, often meaning I missed out on some great opportunities. I have always been someone that enjoys something after the event, rarely before, and normally not during. To provide context, I enjoy running, but often the thought of running does not interest me. The fact that I will have to put on my sports gear, go outside in the wet and cold with the knowledge that it will be tough, that I will get hot and sweaty, and out of breath, and it might be painful makes me want to avoid this. If I don’t go for a run, I don’t have to feel these things in my body, but ultimately I don’t feel good about it. I feel bad for copping out. I don’t get fit, and I get stuck in an avoidance pattern, which becomes difficult to break out of. When I do go for a run, it is all of the above, but it is also great fun. I challenge myself; I put the negative aspects of it out of my head, and just get on with it. Normally after I finish, I feel absolutely fantastic about it. For having pushed myself, for having taken action, for having done something with my day and for having fulfilled a commitment to myself to go for a run. In many ways, this can relate to “pick-up”, and many of the concepts I learned over the weekend went far beyond the realms of pick up and applied to everyday life.
Fear had been something that I had almost identified myself with throughout my life. I say “almost” because I am not a coward, and I love the challenge of something difficult and applying myself to it. Unfortunately it was often the fear that stopped me from tackling those challenges, which meant I would get stuck in an avoidance pattern. It provided short term relief. It meant I didn’t have to confront these fears, but in the longer term I felt I was letting myself down. I wasn’t applying myself, and it actually compounded the fears; indeed twisted them to some extents which caused them to take different forms and identities, which when rationalised, were ridiculous.

In the week running up to boot camp I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster. I would have times when I was feeling calm, happy and excited about what was going to happen in those three days. Then within seconds those feelings would drain out of me, I would be overcome with anxiety, uncertainty and fear. And I had no way of controlling this. I could not rationalise why I had such massive emotional swings. I would go from thinking “yes, this is going to be an amazing weekend and I will learn so much about myself” to moments of complete doubt and insecurity, fantasising about scenarios where I could get out of this commitment I was making to myself, and thus seek short term relief from these feelings. The thing with “fear” prior to boot camp is that it was easy to logically think about them. Having read most recent boot camp reviews, I had a pretty good idea about what I would be asked to do that weekend. The crazy social pressure drills, making myself look stupid, confronting my worst fears, being rejected. And I would keep saying to myself, “it’s only 3 days, it’s not that bad, I am not the first person to go through this process, there are plenty of other guys who have been in worse situations to mine and thrived”. So why was I scared? Well I had no way of recognising what this fear was, or how to combat it. As I learnt throughout the weekend, fear is my ally, not my enemy. I cannot remove it from my life, but I can learn to live with it, understand how it surfaces, understand how it influences my life, and importantly how to work with it. But before I learnt this, I was on my emotional rollercoaster with no control, and with no end in sight.

Ultimately I consigned myself to my fate. I had signed myself up for my boot camp, no-one else. On the surface level it was I who decided I needed to take this action, to get this handled, and obviously this was a deep rooted feeling because I chose to make that investment in myself. I didn’t do this on a whim. It took me a long time to finally sign up for boot camp. I analysed every situation, I asked myself every conceivable question about why I was signing up for it, but throughout those three days, there was probably only one or two times that I actually questioned why I had signed up, and this was my ego asking these questions. As we later found out, when you confront your fears head on, they are rarely as bad as you think they will be, and consequently I thrived in the uncomfortable. I learnt about myself, I learnt why I feel the way I do, how to deal with my fears, and also the type of learning behaviours I adopt to this type of thing. By understanding, acknowledging and confronting these things, I have the skills, goals and understanding to take this consistent action, not just in picking up girls, but in all areas of my life, and for that, I am truly thankful. So, on to boot camp…

FRIDAY – DAY ONE
As described, I was feeling a whole cocktail of emotions prior to arriving for the first night. There was excitement, anxiety and pure fear. Having waited a long time for my boot camp to come around, I now just wanted to jump into the pool and get wet, even if it was really cold, and was going to be unpleasant. I just wanted to get it done with.

I arrived just before 7pm and introduced myself to the other boot camp students. It was quite reassuring to have these guys on program with me, and I think we created an awesome energy throughout the weekend, which created a fun filled vibe, even when we were doing some of the more extreme drills. Because of this energy, we spurred each other on. Whilst this journey is inevitably a personal one, it is nice to be able to share the personal experience with someone in a similar situation, who no doubt has the same thoughts and emotions going through their body as you.

Our instructor for the weekend – Ozzie – showed up promptly and before we had a chance to psyche ourselves out, we were thrown into the seminar portion of the weekend. Ozzie kicked things off by laying down a few rules for the weekend and expectations – what he expected from us, and what we should expect from him. At this point he gave us the opportunity to leave, no questions asked, and receive a full refund. I’ll be honest, at this point the thought flashed through my mind. Did I want that short term relief at the expense of longer term disappointment, anger and sadness at the fact that I had let myself down and not taken the action I had committed myself to? I had certainly done this in the past. But no, I knew I could do this, and I was willing to put myself through this. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Ozzie’s Friday night seminar was centred on the concept of fear. His view is that ‘game’ is 90% fear and 10% skills/understanding of what you have to do. A similar percentage is probably applicable to many areas of life, but for “pick up” I thought it was very apt. It was also quite reassuring to learn this, because it simplifies things to a basic, logical level. Prior to boot camp I had felt overwhelmed by the amount of information in this area, and most of it is total nonsense and unhelpful. As Ozzie kept drilling into us over the weekend, game is simple, just not easy. I would learn this first hand on Saturday night.
Ozzie’s model of fear is best described in diagrammatic form;



I could instantly relate to this model. Social situations did create fear in me to the extent I would avoid them in order to gain that short term relief. Inevitably though, it left me feeling angry, disappointed, frustrated in myself, and this became a self perpetuating cycle. By continually avoiding the fear, I was relieving myself of those feelings in the short term, but ultimately the cycle would just repeat and I was not growing as a person. This concept hit me hard, and was something I kept thinking to myself over the weekend, about the many situations I had found myself in life where I had avoided this fear for that relief. Now that I had this understanding of why I had this fear, where it had come from, I knew how to push pass this invisible wall. I learnt that I should acknowledge fear and use it as my ally, rather than think of it as my enemy and something that I should constantly avoid. This was a concept Ozzie continually repeated, and one which I found incredibly powerful. Fear will always be present, but it should be your guide not something that prohibits or restricts you.

Following this, Ozzie had us write down our top infield fears. Mine were;
1) Being rejected, humiliated or being made to look stupid by beautiful, hot girls
2) Approaching mixed sets with beautiful girls in them and being humiliated, rejected or made to look stupid by either the guys or girls

We then discussed these fears and some of the rationalisations behind them and how they relate to thinking errors which perpetuate these fears themselves through the model of fear. Ozzie then had us draw a simple graph of our top fears in life, from 1 to 100, outside of “game”. I stated that my top fear in life was my parents dying, marked on the scale at 100, with my lesser fear of rollercoasters being marked at 1. He then had us mark our top infield fears on this scale. My scale ultimately looked like the following;



The point of this simple exercise was to logically, put into context, and rationalise fears related to other parts of our life. It essentially showed, that in the bigger scheme of things, our “pick up” fears were pretty trivial and fairly ridiculous when compared to something like parents dying. And this was an important point that Ozzie made. I have to remember the bigger picture of all of this. It is all too easy to be sucked into looking at the minutiae of every interaction or rejection but ultimately, the feeling associated with that rejection, by someone that does not know me, really isn’t that big of a deal when put into context into the bigger things in life. This was an important lesson, and a good way to openly discuss our fears and thoughts relating to these.

Ozzie then went on to discuss thinking errors in greater detail, which was a theme that he continually drilled into us, and asked us to explain to him at many different points of the weekend. He also explained that thinking errors can change and evolve. Thinking errors do not necessarily go away, but by recognising them, you can squash them and not let them effect you, but conversely, as you deal with one, others may appear. The thinking errors that I related to were;
1) All or nothing
This could be best described by my need to see every set succeed or I would be discouraged. This thinking error in turn opened a whole lot of other thinking errors.
2) Mind reading
Often whilst in set I will be looking for reactions, signals, and generally trying to read the minds of the girls I am interacting with. This could be “will they think I’m weird if I start escalating?” etc
3) Fortune telling
This normally pops up when I get rejected over and over and is tied into my all or nothing mindset. I predict that I will get rejected by the next set, so why even bother approaching? It is also evident when I see mixed sets and guys and girls. I fortune tell that they are boyfriend/girlfriend, so I will be wasting my time to approach them

These thinking errors provided an understanding of avoidance patterns. Avoidance patterns are essentially just ways in which you avoid fear and thus seek short term relief. If I go into every set with the thought that it needs to go perfect, and then find out that that is simply not possible, I am going to be discouraged, fear will re-emerge and I will seek that short term relief. What thinking errors essentially are though, are errors. As human beings we cannot mind read what another person is thinking about, nor can we forsee the future. Furthermore, as humans our emotions are dictated by thousands of different factors. How can every interaction be perfect when there are so many external factors that I cannot influence, that no one can influence? Human interactions do not follow a linear structure, so therefore you cannot expect to go from A to B in a simple step every single time. As I was to learn later in the night, my all or nothing thinking error was a result of my dependence on outcome.

Ozzie related these thinking errors to two core pillars that feed fear and cause these manifestations;
1) Unrealistic expectations of others – you expect people to have high expectations of you as a person, that what you say must be of a high standard and in doing so, set yourself unattainable targets to hit, which in turn puts pressure on you, and you feel the need to perform, which ultimately means you are trapped in a downward spiral, and ultimately causes you not to take action.
2) Negative self-perceptions – This is where you perceive yourself not to be good enough, or enough of a person to interact on the same level as someone else. You are stuck in a negative thought process where you think you are not smart enough, not good looking enough, or don’t have enough stories and this in turn causes fear, which stops you taking from action because you believe everyone has the same negative self-perceptions about you, that you have of yourself.

The philosophy behind this seminar is that fear is okay. It is not an enemy, but rather it should be your ally. Fear can never be totally removed, so it is best to accept and confront it, rather than avoid it. The only way to lessen fear is through constant exposure to it. If you are consumed by fear, your comfort levels fall, and as a result you become stifled, and at the extreme end, paralysed by fear. By confronting fear head on, and challenging it, you realise that fear itself is not bad, and that there are no negative repercussions, that people do not have unrealistic or high expectations of you, nor do they even really care about what you’re doing. Essentially, the model of fear works in this manner: through exposure to fear, by putting yourself in these challenging situations, your fear goes down, comfort levels go up and you become un-stifled and more fluent and social in your surroundings. When you realise that there is no danger, no repercussions, and the fears are in your head, you become free of the fear that stopped you previously. This was extremely profound and I took a lot of value and understanding from it.

With this ringing in our minds, it was time to begin the infamous drills. Ozzie said that he wanted us to measure our comfort levels throughout the weekend as a gauge of fear and to see where and when to push us. This was a great idea, because rather than look to the surroundings to guide you, you look internally to see where you are with things. Fear as an ally can help guide you and help you feel your way.

Having read a few boot camp reports I knew to expect some drill-like activities. Indeed, prior to the evening, I couldn’t decide if I was more scared of the drills or of the infield stuff in the club later. Before heading out into the street Ozzie had us talk about ourselves for 2 minutes. This became an important principle of the weekend in the way we structure our goals. Our goals need to be independent of “game” and pickup. So the simple goal of having to hit a 2 minute mark meant that we were not focused on any sort of outcome other than to open and hit those 2 minutes. If we were given more later on, that was a bonus, but we should always aim to hit our 2 minutes.

After practicing just talking for 2 minutes we hit the streets to expose us to social pressure. Social pressure is essentially about confronting people’s expectations of you. Prior to the weekend, I was all too guilty of caring about what other people thought of me, or the image I was portraying. It felt like everyone was watching me, as if I was on TV all the time. Essentially I had an unrealistic expectation of others, and thought that I had to be a certain way or do things in a certain manner to gain approval or not to offend. These social pressure drills involved us speaking about ourselves for 2 minutes standing across the street from each other whilst people walked in and around us, some stopping and watching, a few gave disapproving looks, but the major epiphanies were that most people generally just don’t care. In fact, they just didn’t seem to notice. They were so absorbed in their own lives that they did not care about some guys standing about 5 meters from each other shouting about their interests and passions in life. Before we started these exercises, I think my comfort level was about a 5. I thought that people would be bothered, that they would mind what we were doing. I had labelled myself as being perceived as weird by absolute strangers. However, I also knew from experience, that nothing was likely to happen. However, by having Ozzie push me into these exercises where I couldn’t back down, I was exposed to the fear and gained real life experience.

Ozzie exposed us to these social pressure drills gradually, so rather than dropping us in at the deep end, he allowed us to get in the shallows and paddle about, and when we were more confident - essentially comfort levels had increased - he intensified the drills. Initially we just stood in a fairly quiet road, with just a few people milling about and cars going by. When we realised that there was no danger or repercussions to what we were doing, our fear levels went down, and comfort levels went up. I think I went from 5 before doing the drill to 7-8 afterwards, thus showing, if you expose yourself to fear, or at least challenge yourself to face the fear, comfort will go up. If you fail to do this, comfort levels remain low and fear takes a grip of your mind and body.

As we became more comfortable Ozzie moved us into the busier area of Piccadilly Circus, increasing the distances we were speaking with each other from. As that became more comfortable we moved onto platforms next to large groups of people, so we were literally shouting over them to be heard by Ozzie. Again, no repercussions, no danger, most people didn’t notice, and those that did thought we were just having a bit of fun. As we realised that there was no danger, comfort levels again soared.

It was now time to challenge negative self-perceptions. This drill involved walking backwards through a busy crowd of people, so essentially walking against the direction of most people. This would mean that we might bump into people; they might get angry, annoyed and confused and think that we were weird. Honestly, by this stage, my comfort levels were pretty good. I think I was on about 8, and my fear associated with walking backwards through a crowd of people was more associated with my getting hurt, than the negative self-perceptions it might breed. As it was, I got a few funny looks, one or two people grumbled, but again, most people did not care. They were walking through life in a daze and this in itself was an epiphany. If absolute strangers do not care what I am doing, even if it could be construed as weird, why should I care what they think? Even if they do perceive it as negative, there are no repercussions on my core being. What they think does not change me as a human being. How could it, I don’t know what they’re thinking?

With this drill complete, Ozzie decided to amp things up. We headed into the busy Piccadilly Circus tube station. First up we had to talk about ourselves whilst standing at the bottom of the steps, speaking up to the guys at the top. All this with people rushing past us getting on with their lives and going about their own business. Again we had a few people stop and stare, ask what we were doing, but no one was cross, more bemused, but ultimately unaffected. As we continued these drills, it continued to solidify these concepts in our heads. Obviously this was just the street, but the learnings can be applied to “pick up” so easily, and effectively;
- I will escalate on a girl because I want to, and have no idea what she is thinking. I cannot mind read
- Some people are going to accept or reject me for my actions and for who I am. I cannot control this, and therefore I should never try to hide or lie about who I am
- You can do some pretty extreme stuff and people don’t really mind (more on this later)

After everyone had realised that the best way to raise comfort levels is to confront fear, Ozzie decided to turn it up a notch yet again. We headed down into the tube station for the first of several escalator drills. First up we had to join the escalator, go down, and wait for people to join behind us. We would then have to speak upwards to the guys at the top as we all moved down, with a sea of faces looking down on us. By this point, and because we had been gradually exposed to social pressure, it was much easier than I had thought it would be. Again, we got a few odd looks, but the tube at that time of night is busy and chaotic, and to be honest, I’ve seen people shouting about the escalators before, so 3 guys doing it, didn’t faze most people, let alone us. Comfort levels were riding high at this point, and as we were continually exposed to more and more social pressure, despite the perceived outcomes or consequences, we grew to get comfortable in the uncomfortable. This was a theme that would re-emerge at several points throughout the weekend.

Ozzie then decided to mix up the drills a bit and we started the “mission impossible” drills. The drill itself involved riding an escalator upwards, opening with an opener that went nowhere, changing the subject immediately and trying to hit our two minute mark. The point of this drill was to learn about how to become indifferent to outcome, because at the top of the escalator the interaction was over. It was also good practice to hit our 2 minute mark and focus on talking about ourselves. It also helped teach us recovery from a crappy opener. We couldn’t expect to ride out the whole journey on just that single opener. The opener themselves were pretty hilarious – is Leicester Square really a square, is Trafalgar Square really a square, where is Leicester Square station – when we were actually in Leicester Square station…! Ozzie would point out the girls and we would go. This was actually a lot of fun, not only because some girls didn’t seem to get the joke behind the opener, but also it tested our resolve to get the topic of conversation changed. At first our comfort levels were probably a little lower with the expectation of a negative outcome. My comfort level was probably around a 6, so on the first couple of sets I was stifled and found it difficult to get the topic of conversation changed and consequently it made for an uncomfortable ride up the escalator. Again this was about getting comfortable in the uncomfortable. As I continued to expose myself to these fears and realised nothing bad was happening, it became easier, more fun, my comfort levels rose, I became un-stifled, became more fluent and had some fun interactions, with many different people.

After continuing this for some time we went and grabbed a slice of pizza where we discussed things a bit more and to apply the model of fear to the learnings and experience we had just gained. We then grabbed a taxi and off we went to the club.

FRIDAY NIGHT - CLUB

When we arrived Ozzie got us to do two exercises. The first was to walk around the club with a loser mentality and spot the thinking errors. This was pretty uncomfortable for us all. I had entered the club on a high, looking forward to the challenge ahead, with my comfort levels at around a 7 because I had a fear of the unknown. As we walked around with our loser body language we had to spot the thinking errors and come back and discuss them with Ozzie. The ones I picked up on were mind reading, thinking that everyone must think I was a weird guy on my own in the club, which put a lot of pressure on me actually. The other was labelling and how I was labelling myself as if I did not belong here and the venue was overwhelming me, and everyone else was having fun except for me. All in all, not a particularly pleasant experience – it made me feel pretty low and sad for some reason. We had to repeat the drill, but this time with a winner mentality and body language, again spotting for thinking errors. This time it felt pretty great. The thinking errors were there, but perhaps not as strong as previously. I still spotted mind-reading, particularly as I was doing laps of the room, and it felt like people were thinking “who is that weird guy on his own walking around?” On reflection, no one even noticed, let alone cared.

We discussed these between ourselves, and then it was time to start approaching. Just before this, Ozzie gives us our one goal of the night – just to be friendly and hit our 2 minute mark. We were not to worry about anything else. If we wanted to get physical we could, but we just had to be social and hit those 2 minutes. This was like a massive weight off my shoulders. I suddenly didn’t feel any pressure to perform. There were no outcomes associated with this. I knew I could do this, and because I felt this way, most of my interactions were really strong. We saw Ozzie do a demo set, but to be honest, I think we all just wanted to dive in and show that we could do what Ozzie had asked of us.

Set 1
With Ozzie still doing his demo set I turned around and walked up to a 3-set of girls. I focused in on one and the other two girls left. I was just being sociable, having a good time, laughing and joking around. The girl was pretty receptive, and I had clearly hooked the set as she was asking questions about me and generally we were just having a light-hearted conversation. A nice warm up set, and I easily hit my 2 minute mark. I was probably in this set for about 10 minutes. I could have stuck in it for longer, and moved her about a bit, probably to the dance floor, but she wasn’t particularly attractive, and I also wanted to get more practice in.

Set 2
I went up to the bar area and saw a girl buying a drink, so went up and said hello. Initially she was a bit cold and not overly receptive, but I plowed for a bit and the tests she threw at me were pretty weak so there was no problem with these. What I did really well here was I just stuck it out. We stood at the bar for a bit vibing and joking around. Occasionally the bar guy would come over and try and engage her. In the past I would probably have ejected at this stage, as it was feeling a little uncomfortable. However, tonight I wanted to see where it would go – get comfortable in the uncomfortable. Importantly, I didn’t overplay this bit. I knew the bar guy was working, and would have to serve people, so knew that I wouldn’t lose the attention of this girl for too long. When the guy came back I engaged him and we all started talking so that way he did not zone in on the girl and leave me out in the cold. Once it was clear that the guy was not going to give up, I decided to move things about a bit.

I moved the girl to the sofas to isolate her. Soon after, her friends came over and I introduced myself to them. They were actually super cool, bought me a drink and were just happy that their friend had found someone who was a cool guy – me! So after a bit of girl chat, presumably discussing logistics and other things, the friends disappeared leaving us isolated again. This all seemed pretty easy, but I was content to go with the flow and build solid attraction. Soon after Ozzie comes over and tells me to get her to the dancefloor. Ok, I can do that. I grab her hand, tell her we’re going to dance, and lead her down the stairs. We got dancing, bit of grinding, just messing around and having a good time. I went for the make out but got the cheek. This didn’t perturb me too much. Whilst I would normally give up at this stage, I twirled her a few times and tried again. Cheek again, but this created a massive attraction spike which was pretty clear to see. Unfortunately she wasn’t feeling particularly well and wanted to sit down again. I suppose I could have kept her on the dancefloor for longer, but I felt like the set had longevity. As Ozzie reminded me through the weekend, I have no idea where the sets are going. I can’t mind read, so I may as well go with the flow and see where it leads me.

I lead her back up the stairs to the sofa and we get close. In debrief later in the night, it was clear that this was not close enough, and my physicality should have been stronger. A good reference point. We continued to talk and I went for the make out again and got a quick make out. As became clear when we discussed physical game the next day, things did start to stale though. Total time with this girl was 45mins to an hour I think, and towards the end I was just getting bored. The girl would keep re-engaging or I would just talk some nonsense, but the lack of physicality meant that things staled towards the end of the interaction meaning things ultimately felt a little awkward.

The girl and her friends were leaving so I grabbed her number and went back to Ozzie for debrief.

n debrief, Ozzie said that I did well to isolate and hit the 2 minute mark, but I need to close everything. Although the girl was not the most attractive one in the club I need the practice of at least attempting to close, either practicing to extract out of a venue, or get a bathroom pull. Again, get into that mindset of tackling fear. Get comfortable in the uncomfortable. It’s a fear of rejection that is stopping me from pulling that trigger, which is bred through thinking errors such as all or nothing and mind-reading. Ok, lesson learnt.
So far the night was going well. Too well. I knew it and Ozzie knew it. CHALLENGE TIME!! As Ozzie had explained previously, confidence is developed through challenges, and by doing those challenges, that confidence is real and strong. These challenges can range from approaching the hottest sets in the club, approaching mixed sets, or breaking up couples who are making out. The confidence isn’t bred from the result or outcome of doing these things, it is from the challenge itself; saying to myself “I am going to approach the hottest set in here” and then doing it. This works in other ways as well. Ozzie believes that it is best to approach the perceived “hardest” set in the venue first of all. That way, every other set will be easy thereafter. Again by challenging the fear, fear goes down and comfort levels rise, so even if you get blown out or rejected in that first set, the next set straight after is much easier.

The challenges themselves involved an array of humiliating activities. The method to this madness was confronting my worst infield fear – that of being rejected, humiliated and made to look stupid. Ozzie was determined that I confront this. It was time to shake my ass, like I’d never shaken it before…

CHALLENGES

Ozzie points to a group of girls dancing in a circle and tells me to get into the middle of them and shake my ass at them until they spank it. Without thinking I just jumped into the middle of them and went to it. I felt pretty stupid and it hurt me at my core, but as I sat in the uncomfortable, shaking my arse, I realised that it’s actually not too bad. The girls actually seemed to find it pretty funny. I associated no outcome with it, other than to face my fear. It’s not a nice feeling, but as we were reminded, as you continue to expose yourself the fear reduces. As we discussed over the next few days, this is something that I will continually have to work on.

Ozzie points at another group. This time around it was a mixed-set, with some beautiful girls in it. Right - time to challenge my second major infield fear – being made to look stupid in front of girls by guys. I jump in and just go for it. The guys didn’t know what was happening at first, the girls just seemed to enjoy it. As the guys realised what was going on, they started getting a bit more defensive, trying to tool with me. I stayed high energy and friendly, and I was then gently pushed out of the circle by one of the guys. No harm done, but the girls clearly enjoyed it more than the orbiters dancing in front of them. An epiphany in itself.

Before we started the challenges my comfort level was about an 8 or 9 following my long-set. When Ozzie explained what I would have to do, they plummeted to a 4. After the first two rounds of challenges that had risen to 7 or 8 and I thought Ozzie was surely done with me. I was wrong. Just when I thought things couldn’t get more humiliating, Ozzie grabs me by my forearm and drags me from set to set, as if I was his gimp, telling everyone that I was his boyfriend and that I needed my arse slapped. This, in retrospect was hilarious. Pure self amusement and continued exposure to that fear. Everyone seemed to find it funny. Those that didn’t were inevitably freaked out but this was in turn, hilarious.
As Ozzie had explained, when you expose yourself to fear and take on these challenges you effectively reset your comfort levels as you grow real confidence. Once we had finished, my comfort levels were up at 8 or so, and it was just so easy and fluid to walk into the next set.

Set 3
I think my final set of the evening was a mixed set, 2 girls and a guy. Neither of the girls was attractive but I thought I’d just hit my 2 minutes and see what happened. This set blew open. I was offering a lot of value, not concerned by any sort of outcome, and was just vibing and having a good time. This was a really fun interaction and showed how opening and hooking is pretty simple for me. What I need to focus on is pushing the comfort zone. I need to use fear as my guide in my interactions and that way I push the sets longer and harder. In this case, neither of the girls was attractive, and one I interacted with was married, but I ended up getting her phone number just for the sheer practice of it. What was nice was that she said she was having a pretty crap evening until I went over and said hello, so it’s an awesome feeling to be able to give that value and show how well it can be received.
With that done, it was time for debrief and we headed off to McDonald’s to discuss the nights events.

Ozzie asked us to identify what we had learned, which other than the above, could be summarised as follows;
- Fear is your ally, not enemy
- Avoidance of fear might provide short term relief, but in the longer term will do greater damage and cause the cycle of fear to perpetuate
- By challenging fear you grow your confidence
- Fear can be turned into a positive energy in this way. My comfort level went from 4 to 9 just by jumping into the middle of a group of girls and shaking my ass at them
- I must focus on defeating the fear of being uncomfortable. This is achieved by putting myself in extreme, and uncomfortable situations and by challenging myself.
- There is no growth without challenge
- Constantly exposing yourself to fear serves the purpose of ultimately reducing the level of fear, which in turn causes comfort levels to rise. As comfort levels rise, you become much more socially calibrated and become un-stifled
- People’s expectations of you as a person are far lower than you expect
- It is important to set goals outside of “pick up”. For example, I will attempt to hit my 2 minute mark in every interaction, or, I will get physical under a minute
- On this point, I should rate my “performance” based on these metrics. My performance should not be measured on whether I got laid or not
- Outcome dependence is a killer in game. It puts pressure on performance. If this happens, performance suffers, fear remains and inevitably outcomes do not occur. Because I am an Obsessive and perfectionist, I need to work on eliminating this from my game. This is also linked to thinking errors. Ultimately I do not have any control on the outcome of, say, getting laid. I can attempt to extract a girl, but ultimately she needs to make that choice. If I am trying to fortune tell or mind-read it is going to create additional pressure and fear and ultimately this will cause me to continually fail
- As a perfectionist I do not want to fail or be rejected. I want to win in every set. Game is not perfect. There is no perfect set. Game is messy. I need to understand this and accept it. I cannot win in every set. I cannot make-out with every girl. I cannot have sex with every girl. I have to lose a lot of girls to have sex with a lot of girls.
- There are no bad results or outcomes to interactions. If I fortune tell that this will be the case this is a thinking error, and in itself something that breeds avoidance
- I cannot eliminate thinking errors entirely, but I can learn to spot them and realise what they are and how to combat them. I should be aware that thinking errors can pop up at different points of my growth
- Approaching and opening strangers can be quite scary. The prospect creates fear, but actually it is not that bad as people have lower expectations that you expect. By keeping the conversation going for 2 minutes people will open up and overcome the initial shock they experience from having a “stranger” walk up to them and start talking. Most people will be impressed that you did this, or will just not care about it

With debrief over we parted ways shortly after 3am and agreed to meet at 3pm the next day. At the end of the first night, I knew I had made the right decision to take a boot camp. As was explained in our welcome email, at times the information provided to us felt like trying to drink water from a fire hose. But as we applied the principles of the seminar, both through our social pressure drills, and then infield, the pieces started fitting together and the concepts started to make a lot of sense. With that said, there was something at the back of my mind at the end of that first night. It was probably my ego. Friday night was simple. I can do the social thing. I’ve done it before, and have no problem with it. Did I really push myself to learn those lessens I was striving to achieve from boot camp? Was I better at this “game” than I thought I was? It didn’t seem like I did too much and had a good night. I felt good with myself, but was I growing? I shouldn’t have worried. As Ozzie said at the end of Saturday night, “there is always tomorrow”. He was right. Friday night the club was a stroll in the park. On Saturday I was about to learn just how uncomfortable you can feel, and what being rejected over and over is really like. Getting comfortable in the uncomfortable. Growth was coming and I had the knowledge on how best to achieve it.

SATURDAY – DAY TWO
It took me about two hours to get to sleep following the events of Friday night. I had a pretty disturbed sleep, as my mind kept racing, replaying the events of the night, and I simply had no way to turn it off. Being an analytical thinker, I tend to analyse ever interaction, situation and outcome and it’s difficult to disengage from that at times. I feel this is something I need to learn to deal with as I grow, because I need to realise that there is always “tomorrow night” and that I will have good or bad nights and ultimately these may be out of my control.

So after about four hours sleep it was time to get back in the field. We met at 3pm and Ozzie had us straight into drills. We repeated most of the drills of Friday night, though obviously this time in broad daylight. I thought initially I would feel more social pressure in this environment because it was light and everyone would see me, but actually after having gone through it the night before, and realising that there was no danger, my comfort levels were strong at 7-8 and fear levels were manageable. The only drill that was slightly different today was where we had to stand holding onto a lamp-post in the middle of the road, striking a gay pose. This was actually pretty funny, not only because of what we were doing, but it seemed like no one noticed at all, and if they did, they really didn’t seem to acknowledge us. It was like we were having a private conversation between the traffic and the people walking through us. Again, this was reinforcing the point that people have far lower expectations than we perceive and generally just don’t care. It was great to get this firsthand experience and really hammer home that point, because social pressure is something I have always been concerned with, particularly with relation to what other people think about me.

We did some more escalator drills, and ended up in Trafalgar Square for some day game. I enjoyed this aspect of the afternoon. It was pretty chilled out, there was a good vibe and we were told to just be social. We were again given an opener – Is Trafalgar Square really a square? – and told to concentrate on hitting our 2 minutes, with anything extra being a bonus. I think I did one set here with a couple of Irish girls. The task involved drawing their attention away from a big screen that had been set up in the square. I was able to do this, and we had a fun filled conversation for about 10 minutes about all sorts of different things. Neither was particularly attractive but it was good to go in again with no outcome in mind, other than to hit my 2 minutes and then just go with the flow of the conversation. Ozzie mentioned that they could have been pulled on a mini-date and this would have been possible had we not be on boot camp.

We then proceeded back to the hotel for the seminar portion of the day. We recapped a bit on the previous night with a few additional pointers to think about. These were mainly that we should be looking to do the things that are uncomfortable and that it is the ego that doesn’t want to be rejected. Ultimately deep down, I know that being rejected isn’t that bad. If some random girl in a club does not want to speak to me or learn about my life, then I don’t have a problem with that. However, it’s my ego that is screaming at me that it needs validation, attention and needs to be liked. The feeling of rejection is my ego being hurt, not me as a person. I am still the same guy come rain or shine. I have a full and interesting life and am happy to share that with anyone. But my ego holds me back and stops me from doing that. As a perfectionist, Ozzie told me that I will need to put myself in situations where I continually get rejected so as to squash this ego, for this is how I will grow.

Our seminar today was based on physical game.

RULES OF PHYSICAL GAME

Ozzie laid down the 3 rules to physical game;
1) ASSUME ATTRACTION
2) CUT THE SPACE. GET CLOSE.
3) DO IT STRAIGHT AWAY (WITHIN A MINUTE)

Physical game is an area that I need to work on and is based on the previously described thinking errors. I have a tendency to mind-read – she thinks I’m weird for touching her given that we just met, or I would fortune tell, I am going to get rejected for touching her so early on into an interaction. Ozzie explained that with physical game, you have the same odds of being rejected as you do with verbal game. This is reassuring to know, but I have a greater fear with getting physical right off the bat – it is outside my comfort zone – therefore I knew I was going to have to put myself in these situations.

He continued to explain that cutting the space and thus physical game can be excused on the basis so you can speak into her ear without having to shout. These were wise words given the noise level in the club. But it is easier said than done. Ozzie explained that physical game is the express lane to sex, and that not getting physical is the price of avoidance, meaning sets will stale, and your odds of getting laid reduce. Furthermore, it needs to be done from the beginning because it gets even more weird if you try and amp it up later on in the set.

Ozzie explained that with physical game it has to look “on”. By this, he means, that if you go in with confidence, and it looks natural, others around you will assume that you are a couple and mostly leave you to it. If it looks weird and unnatural, inevitably friends will drag her away from you. As words of encouragement in this area, we were told that the only way to grow is through challenges. Physical game is a challenge, and if you want to grow, you must accept that and confront it. Ozzie also pointed out that being rejected a lot shows you are getting closer. His mantra is that you have to lose a lot of girls to fuck a lot of girls.

We watched some videos and saw some photos on what we should be trying to achieve. There are multiple ways to run physical game. These could be;
1. The claw
2. Pick up the girl and walk away
3. Pick up the girl and spin around
4. High five
5. Hold hands
6. Dancing
7. Spin and pull (dance move where you spin the girl and then pull her in close to you)
8. Fore-arm claw
9. Grab girl and pull into you as she is walking past

The key to remember is that you need to get physical as soon as possible! The longer you wait the weirder it gets and the more you will be looking for signs. It is good to get physical in under a minute, but it is best to do it from the start. When starting to do this it will feel weird and awkward, this is initial resistance from yourself because you’re not used to it. As you keep exposing yourself to this fear, it will become natural and will feel more congruent, therefore people will start to respond differently than the first time you do it. Importantly, don’t give up. Persistence is key with this. It is too easy to let a girl get away from you as she is being dragged off by her friends. You need to hold your frame, your reality and keep going. Do not give up.

We were told to be aware of thinking errors from the get-go as they were more likely to surface with physical game. Essentially we would have no idea where things were going to go, so we may as well plow through the uncomfortable and just pull them back if things started to wane. Again, it is these thinking areas, particularly fortune telling and mind reading that need to be spotted and dealt with, to grow this aspect of my game.

Ozzie concluded the seminar portion with the words that the way to destroy big fear is through big challenges. Consequently we were going to have to take risks to grow and to see results. Gulp!

We then split up to get some rest and food, and were to meet at 10.30pm.

SATURDAY NIGHT

We reconvened and Ozzie had us in drills again. He said that we needed to get warmed up, so again, through gradual exposure he increased the intensity of social pressure. First up we had to tell him a simple embarrassing story. Mine involved stalking a PA at my previous job, being really into her, and thinking I might get a chance to be her boyfriend. I had decided that the next time we were out to ask her out on a date. When that time came around, she couldn’t remember my name, or who I really was and it left me feeling pretty gutted. Ozzie then had us repeat that down the stairwell in the tube station as people were entering and leaving, whilst actively listening. My comfort levels at this stage were at about a 4. After the drill they were about a 7. For some reason, before the evening I was feeling nervous, more so than the night before. As Ozzie explained later, this was because we had been given outcomes rather than simple goals, and as such I was feeling pressure to perform! Ozzie realised this, and so to make us all feel more comfortable told us to just be friendly, and concentrate on hitting our two minute mark.
We walked across the road to a pub and got straight into set.

Set 1
We didn’t wait for Ozzie to push us into set; we just got down to business. I approached 2 girls. Neither was particularly receptive straight off the bat, but I opened it, and hit my 2 minute mark. With this done, I figured I’d stay in set, as after-all, this was the bonus that I had been given. These girls were hard work. Neither was giving much away, there were tests everywhere some I avoided, some I fell over. But I figured I’d practice plowing. It was uncomfortable. I was getting comfortable in the uncomfortable. After a while with the set going nowhere I ejected, but I must have been in it for about 5-10 minutes so was proud that I did not eject prematurely and hit my 2-minute mark.

Set 2
Between this and the first set, I kind of walked around searching for sets. I was hitting an avoidance pattern which was to resurface later on in the night, and I realised by the end of the night how crippling this really is. I walked up to a mixed set, 2 girls and a guy with a chilled social vibe, and just asked them how their night was going. I wasn’t pushing anything here, or doing anything exceptional. I guess one of the things I learnt over the weekend, is that you don’t have to do or say anything incredible. I am a normal guy, leading a normal life just out being social. The guy and other girl left, and I just ended up having a pretty standard conversation with the remaining girl. I hit my 2 minutes and as the set staled I ejected to find another.

Set 3
I thought to myself that I’m going to get back into the uncomfortable, so I reopened the pair of girls from the first set. When I asked what they were called, they wouldn’t give me their names, so I simply called them South Africa #1 and South Africa #2. Vibed a bit off of that and we had a bit of banter, but the girls just weren’t receptive and it was boring. My comfort levels were falling a bit here and I was getting a bit stifled. I was just firing questions at them which in retrospect I should have just spoken about myself. However, I again hit the 2 minute mark plus a few minutes after that, so was happy with that.

Set 4
I walked around a bit again, looking for the “perfect set”. Again my avoidance pattern appeared with thinking errors looming large. I spotted a two set of blonde girls, so headed over and opened them. The set blew open and we were all having a good time chatting and having fun. It was a great interaction and I easily hit my 2 minute mark. I stayed with them until we left, and got one of their numbers before we left to headed to the club.

CLUB
Feeling pretty warmed up and in a social state it was time to hit the club. I knew it was going to be tough tonight, but I don’t think I realised how tough. It was about ten times busier and louder than Friday night and the energy was about 100 times higher than the night before. The girls were hotter too, which was not a bad thing!

We get into the club and Ozzie gets us to repeat the drill from the previous night where we walked around the club in a loser and winner mentality, spotting thinking errors as we moved. Again this was an interesting exercise with different errors presenting themselves as I walked about. I wasn’t feeling quite right though. I didn’t feel as if I was “in state”. I felt nervous, a bit scared. It wasn’t about having to approach. It was a fear of rejection, but mainly a fear of performance. It felt like I had to perform tonight, to show that I could do what we had been asked to. This in turn put big pressure on me and caused my performance to suffer.

SETS
There were a lot. Things started off pretty hard, with nothing really hooking. Girls were fairly receptive but things were not going as smoothly as the night before. I would bounce from one set to the next trying to get some momentum going. At the beginning of the evening, getting into set wasn’t too difficult. I was approaching well and just going through the motions. Towards the beginning of the night I approached and clawed straight off the bat. The girl I clawed didn’t try and squirm out of it. In fact she didn’t seem overly bothered by it, but it was at this point that I started feeling uncomfortable. It didn’t feel natural to have clawed a girl I had just met, and this is where my thinking errors started popping up. I started mind reading and thinking that she thought it was weird. Because of this I didn’t have the confidence or conviction to start moving her about with it. I held it for as long as possible, but ultimately buckled. She walked off, and I was left with her ugly friend and some other girl who showed up.

I was then tested like hell with the hotter girl throwing out all sorts of shit. I got a bit stifled at this point and just became confused. Comfort levels started falling and fear started to creep in. I didn’t acknowledge it at the time, but I did remain in this set for 2 minutes, and probably stuck in it for 5-10 minutes, and I was also physical straight away. But this was uncomfortable, and I am going to have to keep exposing myself to this until I get comfortable.

I ejected from this set and bounced through a few others. I wasn’t being rejected per se, things just weren’t going smoothly. My perfectionist mindset, and importantly ego, was finding this difficult. No one told me to “fuck off” but girls were not opening in the same way as the night before. They would either be totally unreceptive or just move away after a bit of time.

I approached a 2-set at a bar and started talking to one of them about my interests in travelling. This actually opened up quite nicely from an initially bad start. She threw a test at me, which I seemed to pass and she slowly opened up and we just chatted about bits and pieces. Eventually her friend dragged her to the bar but I did my 2 minutes and was at least happy with that.

There were one or two notable sets in between. I saw a 5-set of girls with one girl on her phone. I walk up and say “Hi – you look fun”. Although she was texting she seemed pretty receptive and open and so I plowed on through. Her friends though were dragging her away. Ok, time to get physical. I grab her arm and told her to stay. Meanwhile her friends were giving me dirty looks. Comfort levels started dropping. How long do I keep pulling her back for? In retrospect, I gave up to easy, but I pulled this girl pretty hard. She probably had bruises on her arm the next day. And she didn’t seem to mind too much. In the end the friend won.

On reflection, a few days after the night itself, it was actually not as bad as I remember. I certainly struggled to get things going at times. This caused me to start fortune telling. Because sets weren’t really opening or hooking I started to predict that all sets would be like that, and consequently, my all or nothing thinking error re-emerged which meant I just stopped approaching for a bit. I started to get stifled by the fear. I didn’t want to be there. I believed that every single girl in the venue wouldn’t open, based on a handful of interactions that had gone that way. What I should have done, is focus on those thinking errors, take a step back and realise that this simply was not the case. Unfortunately I got caught in an avoidance pattern, which coupled with the fortune telling thinking error meant I just stopped approaching for a bit.
Ozzie soon reappeared and realised immediately what was going on. Challenge time!

CHALLENGE TIME
Challenges took on a whole new dimension tonight. If Friday night was bizarre – shaking my ass at a group of people – being told to open couples making out was an alien concept to me. But again, there was method to this madness. I had no outcome dependence in opening a couple making out. I was doing it to challenge my fear, that this would result in a negative outcome or something catastrophic would happen. Ozzie also later pointed out that this is pure self amusement, and that self amusement is doing things not to care. Before we started this, Ozzie asked me my comfort level. I think I said it was 3. Certainly at this point it was the lowest of the whole weekend. I had been struggling to open and hook sets, I had been stuck in an avoidance pattern, and I was fast developing a ridiculous victim mentality that it was all too difficult. What a pussy. Remember the bigger picture Matt…
So Ozzie opens the first couple making out, to show how it was done. This was actually really interesting to see. He went in super friendly, high energy, just being social and fun. There was no malice or negativity. He was doing the unexpected. The set opens up and the guy just looked bemused. The girl had a funny grin on her face and when she told Ozzie that they just hooked up Ozzie said: “so I have a chance with you?” Hilarious. The guy was confused, the girl was in a sexual state, and as he explained later on, it is more than possible to drag the girl from the guy at this stage and transfer that sexual state onto you.

Now it was my turn. Ozzie pointed out the set and I rock up, big smile on my face, feeling the full extent of fear in my body. I tap the couple on the shoulders, and say hi. They look at me; the girl freaks the hell out and runs through the crowd to escape. The guy looks at me completely bewildered with a grin on his face, surprised by what had just happened, and confused as to where his girl had gone. I don’t think I hit 2 minutes, but it was funny as hell to see it happen.

I high-five Ozzie, but he wasn’t finished with me. We looked for another couple, but alas there were none. So we went back to ass shaking times. We clambered through the crowd and Ozzie pointed out a bunch of girls. I shake my ass at them. They don’t look particularly amused. Ok, well I stick it out and keep going. Nothing. It was time to see Ozzie again. This time, we do it he picks up a girl and spins her. Ok, let’s see how this works. I jump in the middle, do my thing, get my ass slapped, high-five the girl, and then just grab her and spin her. There were zero repercussions. She didn’t want me to, but I just did it. She was having fun, so was I. She was laughing her head off when we left her.

Ozzie asks me what my comfort level is. It’s rocketed up to an 8. He points out my next set, a few girls sitting down, and in I go. Conversation starts off a bit rocky, with one of the girls saying she’s about to leave. But I hold my ground and focus on hitting my two minutes. The girl was not attractive and she had hurt her foot, so we were bound to the sofas but the interaction was solid and we had a good conversation, but it was very much comfort zone. Ozzie realises this is the case a little while later, and I am dragged downstairs with the other guys for more challenges. This time Ozzie had me sing the national anthem whilst I held my hands in the air. I sang it twice. I sang it loud. People stopped and stared. No one cared though. Comfort levels were riding well now so Ozzie had me open another couple making out. Again, more bemused looks and general confusion. They really were boyfriend and girlfriend. I don’t think I hit my 2 minutes, so need to try and remember this as a principle I apply to every approach regardless of how uncomfortable it is. Again, Ozzie explained the importance of opening these impossible sets. Because of my perfectionist mentality, I need to learn that game is not perfect and that I have to become indifferent to outcome. These sets also make you confront fear and force you to find comfort in the uncomfortable. This was the most extreme stuff of the weekend, and realistically it wasn’t that bad. Nothing bad happened, it didn’t affect me in a negative way and it reset my comfort levels. As an obsessive and perfectionist, Ozzie explained to me later on Sunday that I would continually need to gain exposure to rejection, doing things wrong and looking stupid. Otherwise I would get stuck in avoidance patterns and ultimately stop taking action.

Your confidence should come from the challenge, never your performance. If you keep challenging yourself you will grow and gain confidence. If you attach confidence to your performance it will crumble the moment it looks like it is going badly.

How can I challenge myself?
1. Open the hottest girls ASAP
2. Try to get rejected by the hottest girl in the club
3. Open boy/girl making out
4. Open with embarrassing things
5. Run around all over the place
6. Sing the national anthem whilst striking a stupid pose
7. Just screaming and shouting in the middle of the club

By challenging myself, other things will look easy and I will become more confident. By being more confident I become more charming and authentic.

I need to open with things I don’t want to talk about and this will make me realize that it is no big deal. This will also builds congruency. Whatever I do, don’t lie. Don’t mention things unless they are relevant. Do not impress.

Just when I thought Ozzie was done with me, he pointed out one of the top-5 hottest girls in the club. Opposite her is, we presume, her boyfriend, looking fucking hard. Ozzie starts messing with me, saying that he is going to beat me up, that he probably has a knife and is going to attack me. Oh well. May as well approach then? I head in, the hot girl acknowledges me as does the boyfriend. She then proceeds to straddle her boyfriend so I just open the girl next to her and do my 2 minutes. Make sure I get it done, then get out of there.

Comfort levels were now riding at 8-9. I started to feel good about all the crap I was going through earlier. As I realised that really it wasn’t that bad a night, Ozzie told me to get into set again. I approached a blonde who couldn’t speak English. Ok, she is with her friend who is pretty hot so I speak to her. Do my 2 minutes, but the girl was a bit stressed out by her friend, so the set didn’t really go anywhere.

I then get told to go and wing one of A’s sets. Both girls were receptive and we blew the set open. We had a fun, friendly conversation with teasing and banter. It kind of relieved all the stress of the night and just made things feel so much better than they had been about an hour before. It was at this point that I had a major epiphany. It only takes one set to turn a night around. One set to get a number, to get a make out, to get laid. You can battle through rejections, un-reactive girls, hard sets, uncomfortable stuff and fear and you just need that one set to make it all good. I might have nights where I have a crap night, and this is why Ozzie stressed the need for goals outside of pick up so they aren’t related to the emotions of the night. But that belief, that trust, that you just need one set to make it all good, is enough to make battling through all the bad stuff so much more worth it. It meant that I ended the night on a real high. The set ultimately didn’t go anywhere, but to have some fun and vibe and offer value just gave me such a great feeling after the plummeting comfort levels I had felt just an hour before. And with that, the night was over. We joined the coat queue and just chatted about the night in general.

As we were queuing I locked eyes with a tall blonde walking down the stairs, and just grabbed her and said hello. Loads of intensity, loads of attraction just off the laser eyes. She had to go downstairs, but I should have just grabbed her and gone physical. Something to remember. As Ozzie said afterwards, “don’t worry about it, there is always tomorrow night. A new day, a new approach.”

We got our coats and went to debrief in McDonald’s. The night as a whole was the hardest we had, but also where I learnt more about myself than perhaps any other night in my life. I went through extreme lows and euphoric highs. I pushed myself; I hit the wall, and then hit it again, several times. I did crazy stuff that none of my friends would ever do, that no one would really do. I approached a lot. I was not perfect but I kept going. I didn’t give up, I plowed and kept going. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to give up, but I am proud that I stuck with it, and that I did exactly what I was told. I felt I learnt so much, and had such major epiphanies as a result. Friday night was easy. Saturday night was simple in terms of what we were doing, but it was far more challenging. My problem wasn’t approaching; it was fear and how to deal with it. If I continue to challenge myself, and realise my obsessive learning tendencies and how to deal with them, growth is inevitable. I was in one of the hardest, loudest clubs in London. There were so many areas to fail, and I did, but I also got up and got on with it. And as a competitive person, that was where my victory was. I faced the challenges, I didn’t always like it, but ultimately my confidence, my real confidence, was built through doing this. The challenge now is to keep this up week after week.

At debrief, Ozzie again asked us what we learnt from the day and night. This can be summarised as below;
- It only takes one set to turn a night around, to get a number, to get a make out, to get laid
- Game is not perfect. You cannot win every time
- I fear rejection, therefore I must be rejected
- I can destroy big fear through big challenges
- I have to take risks to see growth
- I am a perfectionist/obsessive. I need to constantly expose myself to rejection, to do things wrong, to look stupid, and to lose a lot of girls
- Social skills are stiffly by fear. If you reduce fear, comfort levels go up and social skills improve
- Physical game is out of my comfort zone. It is uncomfortable. I need to challenge myself in this area – get physical within a minute
- Even doing the perceived most extreme things in the club have little to no negative outcomes. You can break up couples making out and nothing will happen
- I cannot get every girl
- I’ve got to do things without expectation or outcome dependence
- I need to do the hard sets not the easy stuff
- If I want the hottest girls I just have to keep approaching them with that abundance mindset. I will fail, but if I approach enough things will start falling into place
- I need to trust in the process and principles
- I must challenge myself to do things where I don’t perceive outcome, e.g. breaking up a couple making out. There is no perceived outcome here, but I could grab the girl away from the guy. I need to practice this
- It will never be perfect. There is no perfection. I just need to do challenges to show that there are no negative perceptions
- Rejection is good. It can be looked at positively. If I am rejected enough I know that I am on the right track
- I must put myself in the most challenging places and push my comfort zone
- If I challenge myself my comfort levels will increase and fear subsides. The next sets often go better and allows me to break out of the paralysis of fear and the un-stifle myself. It breaks me out of my avoidance patterns. Approaching hot girls is easy once you’ve done something crazy like shake your ass at a group of girls or break a couple making out
- It is not important to get a girl to like me. I do not need to care what they think. Reference: Ozzie explained that many of the girls he laid did not like him. This stems from not being a reaction seeker
- Your confidence should come from the challenge, never your performance. If you keep challenging yourself you will grow and gain confidence. If you attach confidence to your performance it will crumble the moment it looks like it is going badly
- My avoidance pattern is based on my fear of looking stupid, being humiliated, being rejected
- 70% of getting girls is simply approaching, but to get the best girls, to grow and to build real confidence, I must challenge myself and not avoid fear
- If you learn in the toughest places, the toughest clubs, everything will be easy and you will blow those places up like terrorists
- There is no reason not to bounce to another bar after warming up and doing the extreme shit in the extremely tough club
- I was in set by myself pretty much all night. There is no reason and nothing to fear by going out on my own and doing this
- If I find myself in an avoidance pattern, I need to challenge myself
- Avoid a victim mentality. This game is hard, it is tiring, but that is the cost of growth

With that, debrief was over and we went our separate ways. It had been an emotionally draining night, but I felt positive. I couldn’t remember the negatives, they were a blur, what shone out were the positives, that I had gone through a hard time and come out bigger and better for it. I had challenged myself and remained standing. I had plunged to extreme lows and soared to the highest heights. And I had a good time. It was a fun night, and I learnt an incredible amount, about myself.

SUNDAY – DAY THREE
It took me about an hour to drift off again, whilst the day and night’s events replayed themselves through my mind. I slept solidly for about 9 hours and awoke to get ready for my final day. I woke with a weird feeling in my body. I was calm, I was relieved, but I was also sad and anxious. Sad that boot camp was coming to an end. That the energy that had been created over the last two days and nights would soon end and that we would have to part ways. I was anxious because now the real work was about to start. Whether I succeed or fail is down to me. No one else. I either execute on what I have learnt over the weekend and continue to grow, or I don’t and regress to where I was. I’ve regressed before, and I suppose, going into boot camp this was one of my biggest fears. I am scared that I will not grow, and that I will not take the action. However, thinking about it now, a few days after, all I have to do is show up and continue with the principles of game. Ozzie told us in the final seminar that 70% of getting girls is just showing up. I can show up. And if I show up I have the skills and knowledge to know what I am doing. I have nothing to fear, I just need to trust in the process and apply the principles that I learnt in those three days.

We met again at 2.30pm at the designated spot. As I looked at the other guys I knew we had all been on an emotional rollercoaster over the last few days. We’d had our ups and downs and been pushed hard, but we were happy and content. Ozzie arrived and began the drills again. Similar to the previous days, we had to stand in the middle of Leicester Square as Ozzie continued to increase the social pressure on us. We had to stand in a star-shape in the middle of a busy, bustling crowd and talk about ourselves and hit our 2 minute mark. After the night before none of us found this difficult and comfort levels remained at high through much of the afternoon. It was at this point that the major epiphanies were occurring and just small things were growing within us. As we had exposed ourselves to more social pressure and more fear, and realised that there was no danger in what we were doing, we had effectively squashed that fear. Through challenging ourselves our confidence had grown, so by Sunday, the drills that Ozzie threw at us were par for the course. They had become our comfort zone. We had learned to get comfortable in the uncomfortable.

We continued with the drills. We again had to stand in the middle of the road hanging off of a lamp post as people stopped and stared. We then had to stand on top of a pillar and shout out to London how we would change London if we became mayor which led to some hilarious campaign speeches, particularly from our Belgian friend – “the FOOD!”

It was then time for a bit of day game. Again Ozzie had us use the “impossible” opener, which by this point wasn’t that impossible, and was quite easy to transition from into hitting our 2 minute mark. Given the extreme pressure and fear and rejection I had gone through the night before I didn’t even think about approaching nor have any fear in my body when Ozzie pointed out the sets and told us to get in them. The first set was a couple of Belgian girls, I opened with: Is Trafalgar Square really a square? and it was simple enough to change the conversation and hit my 2 minute mark. Again this was just a fun-filled and social conversation which went on for about 10 minutes. Eventually some of their friends turned up so I ejected.

Ozzie pointed out a lone girl sitting on some steps. I bounded over with a smile of my face and she lit up when I start speaking to her. Just through being social and offering a good vibe and value and you can make a complete strangers day. It turned out the girl was from Colombia so we chatted about that and travelling for a bit and just bits and pieces. A nice light hearted conversation and we must have spoken for 15-20 minutes. Ozzie came over, screamed at me to get her number, so I obliged and I headed back to the guys for the beginning of the final seminar.

THE FINAL SEMINAR
We headed back to the hotel and began the final seminar of the weekend. The end was drawing nearer. We spent some time discussing the previous night and then began recapping the major themes of the weekend. We went over the model of fear again and explained that no matter what happens I am going to continue to have avoidance. As human beings this is normal, but the idea is to identify fear and learn how to cope with it, not to see relief from it through avoidance.

Ozzie then went into detail on the two core pillars of fear and how these feed fear itself;
1) Unrealistic expectations of others
2) Negative self-perceptions, defined through;
- I am incompetent, weird, boring, not interesting
- If they knew me, they wouldn’t really like me
- I must do everything perfectly

This last point was crucial in itself given my perfectionist tendencies. As a perfectionist I will be overly self critical. I will believe that everything has to be perfect and nothing will be ever be good enough. I will either have great nights or shit nights, but nothing in between, and my performance will either be amazing or totally shit.

Ozzie explained that the way to combat this type of learning model is to continually challenge myself; to break up make-outs happening in a club, and to do things for absolutely no reason. As a perfectionist I will be more serious and analytical of things, and I need to break out of this by repeatedly challenging myself in these ways in order to get my comfort levels up and grow my confidence. Over the weekend, in every set Ozzie demoed, he was high energy, friendly and happy; without expectation, not looking for reaction or validation. He was just there having a fun time and enjoying himself. He had let go. As he identified, I am concerned about outcome and by doing the above, by doing things without expectation or outcome dependence I will tackle this.

We then went on to discuss how to get rid of negative self-perceptions. These can be eliminated in the following ways;
1) Gather evidence against my belief. This could be done in the following ways;
- gather evidence that I do not need to be perfect
- make mistakes on purpose
- continually expose myself to rejection
- continually challenge the belief that things need to be done perfectly
- find evidence against perfection
- However, none of this works without exposure. I must expose myself to evidence
2) Challenging questions
- I need to continually ask myself “is it 100% true?” or “Am I 100% sure that…?”
- For example: “If I tell them I like astronomy they won’t like me?”
- By questioning things it challenges beliefs and builds experience
I need to be aware that negative self-perceptions will create the most avoidance, and therefore need to deal with this head-on.

It was then time to start discussing goals and commitments for the next 3 months. Ozzie explained that the only difference between myself and the next guy is that I have goals. He also stressed the importance of measurable goals and we discussed how these should be set up.

MONTH ONE – GOALS
“I want to attempt to make out with 4 girls in the next month”
As Ozzie explained, the only thing you can control in this game is yourself. Ultimately I have no control if I make out with a girl or not. The only thing I can control is myself, and my attempt to make out with her.

MONTH ONE – COMMITMENT
My commitment is a challenge, and it is set in concrete. I will commit to it rain or shine.
“I will go out Friday and Saturday every week, with Thursday as a bonus if I feel like it”

My measurable goals and direction are the only things that separate me from the rest; therefore I must have these goals.

Ozzie explained that I must continue to be a student of game and continue to learn from myself and from my actions. I should document my learnings, epiphanies, findings and reports so that I build my references and experiences and these in turn will help challenge my fears.

These goals should only be evaluated at the end of the month, never at the end of the night or even during. If I hit my goals I will celebrate this and create some new ones for the next month. If I do not hit my goals, I will not stop until I achieve them. I will also not change my goals until I achieve them.

We also discussed about changing gears through the night and importance of doing this so as not to burn out or get stuck in the avoidance pattern of fear. Ozzie explained that if it becomes too much to take a step back and then ramp it up. If it becomes too much to get physical straight away, pull it back to just focus on hitting the 2 minute mark. Then, once comfort levels are equalised, ramp it up again. However, the point here is to continually challenge myself. Don’t use this as an excuse to simply rest in the comfort zone. He again reiterated the importance that if you are losing a lot of girls it means that you are pushing the boundaries and this is a good thing. Essentially I need to find a positive meaning to losing a lot of girls. It needs to be a good experience, not something that is negative and makes me depressed or slip into avoidance patterns.

We then discussed the learning profiles that George Leonard defines in Mastery. I identified myself as an Obsessive. As an obsessive I get obsessed by an activity. I spend a lot of time thinking and reading about it, focusing on getting good, fast. The issue with this is that when I don’t get “good” or perfect I quit. Ozzie recommended reading this book to understand our profiles in more detail and learn ways to eliminate the negatives associated with each one. He also pointed out that you can identify with some of the concepts from different profiles, and indeed, have different learning profiles associated with different areas of your life. Much like thinking errors, the point of this is to spot and acknowledge your profile and over time it reduces and goes away.

As an obsessive, Ozzie explained that he too was one, and that I will have to be okay with the results. I cannot judge or evaluate, I just have to accept the night for what it is, and constantly just remember that there is “always tomorrow night”.

Finally, Ozzie reinforced the point that if I really want to improve, if I really want to grow I have to take responsibility for my own learning. He will not be there to challenge me, to make me do the crazy stuff, to break up couples making out. I am responsible for my own growth, and it is only through challenging myself that I will grow. I have to keep grinding and going to the places where it is challenging, accept the hard times, enjoy the good times, but trust in the process that ultimately growth will occur.

With that, the seminar was over, and Ozzie asked us to write down what we had learnt, which is essentially housed within this document. Below is what I wrote in my notebook on that final afternoon as the learnings that were strongest in my mind;
- Avoidance of fear creates short term relief but is damaging in the long term
- I am a perfectionist and need to spot these tendencies in order to grow
- I need to constantly challenge myself in order to grow
- If I challenge myself my fear goes down, comfort levels go up and my social skills improve
- I must do the things I least want to do. Confidence comes in the challenge, not the outcome, and this is real confidence
- It only takes one set
- Tomorrow is a new day
- Evaluate my goals at the end of the period of time, never on the night. I need to learn to be less self-critical and just go with the flow
- I just need to turn up and apply the principles
- If I really want to improve and grow, I have to take responsibility for my own learning. This means doing all of the above
- We are all normal guys, leading normal lives. We are not rockstars with super star stories and adventures. Most of the girls we will approach, will be exactly the same. You do not need to lead a rockstar life to get laid like one
- Train hard, pull easy

The seminar and boot camp were over. We parted ways with Ozzie and it was a little emotional. Ozzie had taught us an incredible amount; we had learned an incredible amount about ourselves. As we went our separate ways it was also a bit anti-climatic. Going into the weekend, I thought it would be one of the toughest things I would ever do. I suppose it was in a strange way, but actually, it was very simple. We learnt what was holding us back. We learnt how to deal with it. And we exposed ourselves to our worst fears. And as a result we had major epiphanies, huge “a-ha” moments and solidified through practice, the concepts that Ozzie hammered into us all weekend. Without wanting to overdo the hyperbole, boot camp was one of the best things I have ever done. Extreme lows, massive highs, but all in all, an incredibly fun time.
The real challenge, and work starts now. But I am prepared for that, and have Ozzie to thank for it.

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So, there you have it. Guys, there are lots of reasons not to take a boot camp. Don't let fear be one of them.

Any comments, questions, or thoughts - send me a PM.

-Matt