THE FORUMS

taking a step back for a moment or two.

July 9th 2010

so im leaving for Ocean City, Maryland tonight. im going down for a week with my friends Nicole, her brother Bobby whom i used to play roller hockey with. and my friend Matt.

Im at terrance pond all day. hiking. cliff jumping, and just hanging out. i remember being really in the moment. it was an awesome summer day (most days are) and life was solid. I started heading back to my car at 4pm and headed home to grab my things and leave for Ocean City.  i make it to my house about a minute before matt gets there to pick me up. so we go inside to get my shit. im not sure why matt was inside but we go to walk out the door and matt points at my dad whos laying on the floor next the computer. i try to wake him up but hes just laying there with a weird smile, holding his left leg and non responsive to anything i say or do. i try for a few minutes to wake him up so then i call my mom to tell her and then i call 911. i dont know why i chose to call my mom first but shes was on the first aid squad for 10 years so i value her advice on what to do in health situations. it was only a 10 second phone call but it turns out she was down the shore with my sister and some of their friends. things were fine,  and then they were not.


i left for Ocean City later that night. I had  invested a lot of nonrefundable money into the trip so i went.  suprisngly the vacation was pretty cool. met a few really hot women but never hooked up with them. the one chick i met a girl from PA. We were dancing to a band at the Purple Moose Bar, it was pretty sweet. she was so fucking hot that i got nervous and fucked it up.i still remember asking for her number instead of pulling her to the beach. i  texted her later in the night....... no answer. then a month later i texted her again and no answer. it was over lol.

anyway i felt numb about my dad during the vacation and even still to this day  my father was apparently pretty sick for a while (in his head anyway) he had a horrible attitude on life though you wouldn't know it unless you were around him like i was. he was negitive about everything and got mad over the silliest shit. it was horrible to live with to be honest. also he didnt work and didnt give a shit. which is the attitude i have seemed to develop a little bit being on unemployment. these days im doing OK with my money but back then i was in a little worse shape, so i couldnt judge him too much, only that he didnt teach me how to propertly handle money...ever. whatever..... i learned for myself. thanks books.

Fortunally i was smart enough to eventually read some books on money and thanks to this website and it's instructers brilliant articles, and videos. its honestly like free one sided therapy.  what u get on this website is pretty fuckin amazing....and free. that being said i have invested a little money into this company and i will probably invest more in the future. although i bitch about my life sometimes and how "tough" and "dark" it is....its really not.  compared to a lot of others. i do realize this i just tend to be a little dramatic i guess. im working on that haha.

anyway back to my dad. when my mom got to the hospital she was immediately informed that he had a serious stroke and needed brain surgery right away to clear the blood clot, she gave the go ahead for them to preform the surgery.

The stroke affected his entire right side, both his arm and his leg. his speech, swallowing, and the vision in his right eye. After 6 days in intensive care in the hospital, he was moved to Kessler Rehabilitation Center  for acute rehab. He was there for 3 weeks and was then moved to a subacute rehab center at a Health Center . he has been there ever since.

the challenge begins......


less mariujana, 
less alc.
less masturbatin
more excersize
continue good eating habbits

i want to make these things the norm in my life. im going to. starting today.

saw a girl at the bar tonight. she was amazingly hot. i did not have the bawls to "approach" her. she was with a few different guys but did not seem like a slut. i was high and very drunk, therefore i did not feel entitled to having her. nothing new here

i know what i have to do to get these types of girls. will i ever chill the fuck out and stick to my game plan? i think yes, it just make take alittle more time then i expected. which is bullshit. i want to start today. enough with the weed, booze and cigs. if i want the high quality girls, i must be high quality myself. end of story.

im going to be a high quality person. i must do it. i want to do it.

lessons learned: i must stick to my good habbits.

i managed to get a bit of a tan. i instantly feel like a more attractive person. i feel and look healthier. this is also thanks to my diet and teh vitamin D ive been taking for a few months, and krill oil which i just started taking.

i have no time for girls stupid games, i just dont care anymore. i feel free and it feels good. im all about meeting new girls again, but not on some beastmode level, on a more chill level...for now anyway.

i take my life one hour at a time now. dont think too much ahead. its pointless

so im trying on some clothes

i mixed some new shit with some old shit and i have found a few really good new outfits. im pretty excited to wear them in public.

tight jeans are the shit. wow i cant believe i have not been wearing them.



new pickup line: You're adorable, i love you.

update 9/12/11: this pickup line worked on one of the hottest girls ive ever seen and eventually hooked up with. yay.


influenced by JS2