THE FORUMS
MARCH 20 2011
1AM SHARP
LISTENING TO: WILLIE MORALS-BEAT THIS
what up. i want to get a few ideas/mindsets/realizations out of my brain and onto this white space i call the internet. aka my journal.
im not really sure how to start, so i will start by saying that i have been feeling extremly insecure. im not sure when it started but its been a long period of time. around 6 months. ive also taken a big hit in my confidence; i havent felt very confident in anything i do for probably close to a year. ive been having trouble with eye contact mainly, but ive also been self conscious about my teeth, my mouth in general, my skin, and my semi long hair all stupid shit. well my bottom teeth are a little fucked up cause i stoped using my retainer (years ago) my skin is pale as shit casue of winter, and my eye contact becasue ive been smoking so much weed that of course my eyes are going to be glossy, cloudy, and squinted.
aka all of this shit i can change.
unfortunally the marijuana has to desist. ive been blazing all day everyday for almost 6 years. there have been periods of time where i dont smoke (4-5 days here, a week maybe 2 ) , and ive had glimpses at greatness, but then i get back into the blazing and all is lost. now i love smoking weed casue it chills me the fuck out, i think up great things, great realizations, but at a certain points u have to put down the pipe, sober up a little but, and take a step forward. man the fuck up. i love all those nights just chillen out listening to some good music, not going out and spending money i dont have, just relaxing and getting lost in my own thoughts, but this cant be the norm. otherwise your just another stoner getting high all the time as life passes by. i do not regret one single day of smoking weed and likely never will, but its time now to clean out my system a little bit. spring is here which means summer is on its way, and i need to continue to get into shape, which is hard to do when you always have the munchies :D
hair. my hair is the longest its ever been. not saying i have hair like axl rose, but its def. a mop top. i like it but i dont like it. and i dont like it more then i like it, which means its fucking with my brain. i am def. more confident with shorter hair. i like the freshness, the sharpess, and the "good boy" vibe shorter hair gives off. longer hair generally says ur kind of sloppy and u dont give a shit. works great for some people but its not working for me at this point in my life. the only reason its so long is becasue i dont have a job therefore i dont have to cut it. i grew it out for winter/experiment. winter is over. experiment is a success. results: shorter hair is the way to go. its a little more work, but on this skull its worth it.
teeth: i never got into the habbit of brushing my teeth as a child. gross i know. ive been trying to get into the habbit for the past 3-4 years. i have been much better since i started trying to get into the habbit but i still dont do it everyday! looks even worse when i type it out. and this is why we have journals folks. gatta keep those bones brushed!
skin: during the winter my face breaks out, skin gets really pale after new years. now this is pretty hard to deal with, and its even worse when i can be tan with clear skin.
so now im pale, with a face thats broken out all the time, with long hair. thats me as i write this. haha. and i wonder why my self confidence is down. but tyler and all them say that this should not matter, it should not mess with your confidence. well guys, it does and is. clearly it has hurt me bcasue i have hooked up with 2 girls so far this entire year. a hot girl but a slut, and another slut that isnt hot. lol. yikes. i remember last september the week before my birthday party being at 46 lounge VIP section and flirting with the waitress. she wanted me. i was dressed sharp, lookin good, fresh hair cut. but i was in a weird mood (im still kinda in that mood) so nothing came of it. i havent had a quality girl like that, look and touch me like that since. its been a crapshoot. its been a sad and dark time of my life these past 4 months it really has. mostly sitting in my room smoking weed. moslty the only good social interactions have been on fb and aim. yikes.
right now all my close friends are out, probably still at the BAR. this is what id like to talk about. im trying to get out of the bar scene. not for good, not 100 percent out, but im tired of spending saturday nights at a fucking bar. as a matter of fact im over the whole drinking thing too. i always drink a lot to where i black out or i just get sleepy. i rarely get to the point of the "perfect buzz" maybe im drinking too much but im not overthinking it casue i dont give a fuck. im done with drinking. im not looking to get drunk all the time, or high all the time, i just need to be SOBER. is that so bad? no. sober=presence IMO. i am much more present when i am stone sober. i think and react to things quicker, i dont fumble my sentences, i can make good eye contact, i dont generally get self concious. its almost silly that im not sober more often come to think of it.
girls. i have decided that any and all girls i know right now in my life are friends. even the ones i want so bad, even the ones ive had and can probably have again, even the ones ive had and want again, even the wants i want and never had. even the ones i met once and if i see them again its probably on. their all in the friends zone. all of them. whoever they hook up with i dont care. i dont want to know but i dont give a shit. have a ball. if they want to hook up with me fine, but from now on i see them all as friends. im going to go after new girls, start from scratch. find a new girl and try to make her my girlfriend. ill have to get to know her, ill have to do some work on her. some of the broads out there might not give me a chance from the very first seconds of our itneraction. that is OK. i will move on. i will take the embarrasment if need be but i doubt i will have any. if i do then so be it. fuck you.
seriously though. if i have met you before, you are a friend. i dont care how hot you are.
whatever i have been doing has failed. i am 23 and have not achieved what i want to achieve when it comes to the department of females. ive come a long way from what i was just a few years ago but its not enough, it cant be enough. ill take what i learned (which isnt much) and move forward. everyday is a new chance to meet a new girl and take it from that point in time. take it sexual if i want. if she dosnet want me to then goodbye. you are clearly not what i thought u were then. if i know you and i think your cool then ill ask you about life, job, car,family, or maybe just ask how your night is. if i saw u last week then ill say hey, smile and move on.all depends on where i am. but im going to avoid bars. i dont feel comfortable in them anymore, its not where i want to be. i want to be outside. if i cant be outside then fine maybe ill bar it up and play some pool. but im not staying all night. same thing with facebook. im limiting the shit out of it. no more status every other day. only the best of the best of my mind will be spilt out into the facebook world. only my most potent thoughts, my best sayings, best pictures.
finally the jerking off thing. its uncomfortable but im going to talk about it right now. i must.
now ive have not kept to my NYR (new years resolution) ive been doing pretty bad with it, but its tough when u have as much free time as i do. so i give myself a little bit of credit. nonetheless there is much room for improvement and it needs to start yesterday.
so i feel very good right now after typing all this out. i dont even want to talk about it for very long casue talking about how good u feel generallys takes the feeling down a notch. try and avoid doing that. anyway i feel like i have already improved my life after getting all of the above out of my system. theres things ive known for some time now. these things will change my life. they are habbits that need to go and some that need to be implimented. this can only be done over time, and i have a lot of that. 19169 days until i am 75 years old. at that time i will consider myself an old man. it dosent mean i will stop living, but it means the bulk of my time on this planet is now over. i have 19169 days to make my life fucking awesome and i dont want to waste one more of those. wow im getting emotional as i type this.
anyway. i want to use these days to keep improving myself, inspire other people to be their best and not be greedy. and i also wanna get laid, eat food and lay on the beach. right now i wouldnt even want a joint or a beer. just me, the ocean and a beautiful girl. thats really all i want. i dont wanna be stoned or drunk all the time, i just want to be in the company of a beautiful girl........ ideally many beautiful girls but hey, one step at a time.
edit: interesting note. my money situation is at its best. i havent had this much money in years. feels good, but hasnt "fixed" me like i thought it would.
probably cuz im not out of debt and still a virgina
1AM SHARP
LISTENING TO: WILLIE MORALS-BEAT THIS
what up. i want to get a few ideas/mindsets/realizations out of my brain and onto this white space i call the internet. aka my journal.
im not really sure how to start, so i will start by saying that i have been feeling extremly insecure. im not sure when it started but its been a long period of time. around 6 months. ive also taken a big hit in my confidence; i havent felt very confident in anything i do for probably close to a year. ive been having trouble with eye contact mainly, but ive also been self conscious about my teeth, my mouth in general, my skin, and my semi long hair all stupid shit. well my bottom teeth are a little fucked up cause i stoped using my retainer (years ago) my skin is pale as shit casue of winter, and my eye contact becasue ive been smoking so much weed that of course my eyes are going to be glossy, cloudy, and squinted.
aka all of this shit i can change.
unfortunally the marijuana has to desist. ive been blazing all day everyday for almost 6 years. there have been periods of time where i dont smoke (4-5 days here, a week maybe 2 ) , and ive had glimpses at greatness, but then i get back into the blazing and all is lost. now i love smoking weed casue it chills me the fuck out, i think up great things, great realizations, but at a certain points u have to put down the pipe, sober up a little but, and take a step forward. man the fuck up. i love all those nights just chillen out listening to some good music, not going out and spending money i dont have, just relaxing and getting lost in my own thoughts, but this cant be the norm. otherwise your just another stoner getting high all the time as life passes by. i do not regret one single day of smoking weed and likely never will, but its time now to clean out my system a little bit. spring is here which means summer is on its way, and i need to continue to get into shape, which is hard to do when you always have the munchies :D
hair. my hair is the longest its ever been. not saying i have hair like axl rose, but its def. a mop top. i like it but i dont like it. and i dont like it more then i like it, which means its fucking with my brain. i am def. more confident with shorter hair. i like the freshness, the sharpess, and the "good boy" vibe shorter hair gives off. longer hair generally says ur kind of sloppy and u dont give a shit. works great for some people but its not working for me at this point in my life. the only reason its so long is becasue i dont have a job therefore i dont have to cut it. i grew it out for winter/experiment. winter is over. experiment is a success. results: shorter hair is the way to go. its a little more work, but on this skull its worth it.
teeth: i never got into the habbit of brushing my teeth as a child. gross i know. ive been trying to get into the habbit for the past 3-4 years. i have been much better since i started trying to get into the habbit but i still dont do it everyday! looks even worse when i type it out. and this is why we have journals folks. gatta keep those bones brushed!
skin: during the winter my face breaks out, skin gets really pale after new years. now this is pretty hard to deal with, and its even worse when i can be tan with clear skin.
so now im pale, with a face thats broken out all the time, with long hair. thats me as i write this. haha. and i wonder why my self confidence is down. but tyler and all them say that this should not matter, it should not mess with your confidence. well guys, it does and is. clearly it has hurt me bcasue i have hooked up with 2 girls so far this entire year. a hot girl but a slut, and another slut that isnt hot. lol. yikes. i remember last september the week before my birthday party being at 46 lounge VIP section and flirting with the waitress. she wanted me. i was dressed sharp, lookin good, fresh hair cut. but i was in a weird mood (im still kinda in that mood) so nothing came of it. i havent had a quality girl like that, look and touch me like that since. its been a crapshoot. its been a sad and dark time of my life these past 4 months it really has. mostly sitting in my room smoking weed. moslty the only good social interactions have been on fb and aim. yikes.
right now all my close friends are out, probably still at the BAR. this is what id like to talk about. im trying to get out of the bar scene. not for good, not 100 percent out, but im tired of spending saturday nights at a fucking bar. as a matter of fact im over the whole drinking thing too. i always drink a lot to where i black out or i just get sleepy. i rarely get to the point of the "perfect buzz" maybe im drinking too much but im not overthinking it casue i dont give a fuck. im done with drinking. im not looking to get drunk all the time, or high all the time, i just need to be SOBER. is that so bad? no. sober=presence IMO. i am much more present when i am stone sober. i think and react to things quicker, i dont fumble my sentences, i can make good eye contact, i dont generally get self concious. its almost silly that im not sober more often come to think of it.
girls. i have decided that any and all girls i know right now in my life are friends. even the ones i want so bad, even the ones ive had and can probably have again, even the ones ive had and want again, even the wants i want and never had. even the ones i met once and if i see them again its probably on. their all in the friends zone. all of them. whoever they hook up with i dont care. i dont want to know but i dont give a shit. have a ball. if they want to hook up with me fine, but from now on i see them all as friends. im going to go after new girls, start from scratch. find a new girl and try to make her my girlfriend. ill have to get to know her, ill have to do some work on her. some of the broads out there might not give me a chance from the very first seconds of our itneraction. that is OK. i will move on. i will take the embarrasment if need be but i doubt i will have any. if i do then so be it. fuck you.
seriously though. if i have met you before, you are a friend. i dont care how hot you are.
whatever i have been doing has failed. i am 23 and have not achieved what i want to achieve when it comes to the department of females. ive come a long way from what i was just a few years ago but its not enough, it cant be enough. ill take what i learned (which isnt much) and move forward. everyday is a new chance to meet a new girl and take it from that point in time. take it sexual if i want. if she dosnet want me to then goodbye. you are clearly not what i thought u were then. if i know you and i think your cool then ill ask you about life, job, car,family, or maybe just ask how your night is. if i saw u last week then ill say hey, smile and move on.all depends on where i am. but im going to avoid bars. i dont feel comfortable in them anymore, its not where i want to be. i want to be outside. if i cant be outside then fine maybe ill bar it up and play some pool. but im not staying all night. same thing with facebook. im limiting the shit out of it. no more status every other day. only the best of the best of my mind will be spilt out into the facebook world. only my most potent thoughts, my best sayings, best pictures.
finally the jerking off thing. its uncomfortable but im going to talk about it right now. i must.
now ive have not kept to my NYR (new years resolution) ive been doing pretty bad with it, but its tough when u have as much free time as i do. so i give myself a little bit of credit. nonetheless there is much room for improvement and it needs to start yesterday.
so i feel very good right now after typing all this out. i dont even want to talk about it for very long casue talking about how good u feel generallys takes the feeling down a notch. try and avoid doing that. anyway i feel like i have already improved my life after getting all of the above out of my system. theres things ive known for some time now. these things will change my life. they are habbits that need to go and some that need to be implimented. this can only be done over time, and i have a lot of that. 19169 days until i am 75 years old. at that time i will consider myself an old man. it dosent mean i will stop living, but it means the bulk of my time on this planet is now over. i have 19169 days to make my life fucking awesome and i dont want to waste one more of those. wow im getting emotional as i type this.
anyway. i want to use these days to keep improving myself, inspire other people to be their best and not be greedy. and i also wanna get laid, eat food and lay on the beach. right now i wouldnt even want a joint or a beer. just me, the ocean and a beautiful girl. thats really all i want. i dont wanna be stoned or drunk all the time, i just want to be in the company of a beautiful girl........ ideally many beautiful girls but hey, one step at a time.
edit: interesting note. my money situation is at its best. i havent had this much money in years. feels good, but hasnt "fixed" me like i thought it would.
probably cuz im not out of debt and still a virgina
__________________
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/147107 < life journal (2010-2012)
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
ME
girls ive already met are in the friend zone
from now on im only looking to hook up with new girls
MUC: well... yea
DUH
ME
yeah ive been doing it wrong for a while
lol
anyway i got back from Atlantic City around 24 hours ago. it was pretty awesome. won about 100 bucks and essentially partied for free. almost hooked up with this girl but she was kinda dirty and shit. she validated me a lot and touched me a lot but she was kind of all over a few other guys from the group. yeah ill pass on that anyday.
girls ive already met are in the friend zone
from now on im only looking to hook up with new girls
MUC: well... yea
DUH
ME
yeah ive been doing it wrong for a while
lol
anyway i got back from Atlantic City around 24 hours ago. it was pretty awesome. won about 100 bucks and essentially partied for free. almost hooked up with this girl but she was kinda dirty and shit. she validated me a lot and touched me a lot but she was kind of all over a few other guys from the group. yeah ill pass on that anyday.
__________________
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/147107 < life journal (2010-2012)
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
confidence has been up lately. still waiting on that warm weather..........
__________________
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/147107 < life journal (2010-2012)
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
feelin weird today. a bit down i guess.
had a crazy couple days. nothing really interesting, met a few girls but nothing came of it really. spent money i wish i didnt spend but whatever no big deal.
i have a full week of work ahead of me, and i have a sweet car to get me there and home. so the next 5 days are going to consist of me working, making money and chillen out at home.
lately ive been getting away from making good choices. ive been eating a lot of crap, drinking a lot, smoking a lot of weed, and whackin it too often.
now sometimes we all have to have these lapses, whatever no big deal, as long as you get back on track right away. starting tomorow im going back to the good habbits.
pushups, fasting, working, read and little or no alc/ maryjane.
gotta get back to it and get some momentium going. working this week will help dramatically with this. i have to get back to this.
if i dont im doomed to be a stupid chode forever
had a crazy couple days. nothing really interesting, met a few girls but nothing came of it really. spent money i wish i didnt spend but whatever no big deal.
i have a full week of work ahead of me, and i have a sweet car to get me there and home. so the next 5 days are going to consist of me working, making money and chillen out at home.
lately ive been getting away from making good choices. ive been eating a lot of crap, drinking a lot, smoking a lot of weed, and whackin it too often.
now sometimes we all have to have these lapses, whatever no big deal, as long as you get back on track right away. starting tomorow im going back to the good habbits.
pushups, fasting, working, read and little or no alc/ maryjane.
gotta get back to it and get some momentium going. working this week will help dramatically with this. i have to get back to this.
if i dont im doomed to be a stupid chode forever
__________________
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/147107 < life journal (2010-2012)
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
dude hygene is important
__________________
"Understand: It is within your power to set your own price. How you carry yourself reflects what you think of yourself. If you ask for a little, shuffle your feet and lower your head, people will assume this reflects your character. But this behavior is not you-it is only how you have chosen to present yourself to other people"
Robert Greene - "The 48 laws of power"
“If you are not yourself, if you surrender your personality, you have nothing left to give the world. You have no pleasure, no use, nothing which will attract and charm me, for by the suppression of your individuality, you lose your distinctive character.”
Edward Wilmot Blyden (1832 – 1912) Liberian statesman
My FR's. Give me feedback gawd damnit
Apupimpin: Round 2
Robert Greene - "The 48 laws of power"
“If you are not yourself, if you surrender your personality, you have nothing left to give the world. You have no pleasure, no use, nothing which will attract and charm me, for by the suppression of your individuality, you lose your distinctive character.”
Edward Wilmot Blyden (1832 – 1912) Liberian statesman
My FR's. Give me feedback gawd damnit
Apupimpin: Round 2
dude hygene is important
yes, yes it is.so anyway i hooked up with this really sexy girl last night. for some reason ive seen her 3 weekends in a row and shes a pretty cool chick, tho ive heard she is a bit of a hewuh.
thats all i feel like writing tonight
__________________
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/147107 < life journal (2010-2012)
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
weather is gorgous today and im in a good mood. rutgersfest this weekend i cant wait
ive also realized im handsome. amazing what a little validation can do once in a while
ive also realized im handsome. amazing what a little validation can do once in a while
__________________
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/147107 < life journal (2010-2012)
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
april 12th 4pm
2011
shitty weather today but im still in a good mood.
im not going out this week becasue i want to try and save some money. im doing pretty good in this area of my life now. i used to be such a dumbass with my money it not even funny, but i learned a lot from my mistakes. the funny part was, when i was broke i was always afraid to go on adventures becasue i knew if i got stuck somewhere id be fucked. i couldnt afford a hotel room for a night and i was 20-21-22 years old. i always had good job and made good money too but ive always been a bit lazy which is why i am not at either job anymore. it wasnt really laziness though, it was more like lack of ambition. they were good jobs but could be very tedius at times....like most jobs. Some of us arent ment to be at the same job our entire lives. i dont want to do the same thing over and over for the rest of my life. thats fucking boring and depressing to think about. you gotta switch it up as often as you can IMO. maybe a few years doing this and a few years doing that. some people like to pursue one thing in life, to me that sounds cool but at the same time theres so much shit to experience that sometimes it can be overwhelming.
for instance i would love to be a professional hockey player. if i could jump in there and play everyday, practice 5-6 hours a day i would be fine with that. but im 23 and never really played in my life, so therefore i will likely never play in the nhl. so whats next. well im very good with computer hardware. computer software skills are slighly less. i would like to own a computer store or 10. first i would need more college clases, but i need my car to be fixed before i go to college, but i need to make money before i fix my car. its a pretty scary place to be in. i do what i can day by day tho. reading books, getting my shit online, selling stuff.
i mean i get money from the state every few weeks but its not really enough.
whatever.
so anyway im sitting here smoking the last of the weed i have. im going to put down the pipe again. i go thru streaks of smoking and not smoking. generally i like not smoking so much and only getting high once in a while. keeps my head clear and my eyes sharp. i need those things to mack the hoes yo. speaking of beasting jeff allens new material is amazing. ive listened to it quite a few times now, esp the 1 hour audio. the other night i was hitting up mad girls at the bar, they didnt really go anywhere but they were pretty good interactions, also i havent done that in months. it felt fun again. hopefully that feeling continues this weekend, but i have a feeling its going to be a quiet weekend. fine with me though. i honestly dont think im going to be going out too much in the near future. but i take my life day by day so who the fuck knows. honestly anything can happen.
anyway this was kind of a weird post, just wanted to get some shit out there.
2011
shitty weather today but im still in a good mood.
im not going out this week becasue i want to try and save some money. im doing pretty good in this area of my life now. i used to be such a dumbass with my money it not even funny, but i learned a lot from my mistakes. the funny part was, when i was broke i was always afraid to go on adventures becasue i knew if i got stuck somewhere id be fucked. i couldnt afford a hotel room for a night and i was 20-21-22 years old. i always had good job and made good money too but ive always been a bit lazy which is why i am not at either job anymore. it wasnt really laziness though, it was more like lack of ambition. they were good jobs but could be very tedius at times....like most jobs. Some of us arent ment to be at the same job our entire lives. i dont want to do the same thing over and over for the rest of my life. thats fucking boring and depressing to think about. you gotta switch it up as often as you can IMO. maybe a few years doing this and a few years doing that. some people like to pursue one thing in life, to me that sounds cool but at the same time theres so much shit to experience that sometimes it can be overwhelming.
for instance i would love to be a professional hockey player. if i could jump in there and play everyday, practice 5-6 hours a day i would be fine with that. but im 23 and never really played in my life, so therefore i will likely never play in the nhl. so whats next. well im very good with computer hardware. computer software skills are slighly less. i would like to own a computer store or 10. first i would need more college clases, but i need my car to be fixed before i go to college, but i need to make money before i fix my car. its a pretty scary place to be in. i do what i can day by day tho. reading books, getting my shit online, selling stuff.
i mean i get money from the state every few weeks but its not really enough.
whatever.
so anyway im sitting here smoking the last of the weed i have. im going to put down the pipe again. i go thru streaks of smoking and not smoking. generally i like not smoking so much and only getting high once in a while. keeps my head clear and my eyes sharp. i need those things to mack the hoes yo. speaking of beasting jeff allens new material is amazing. ive listened to it quite a few times now, esp the 1 hour audio. the other night i was hitting up mad girls at the bar, they didnt really go anywhere but they were pretty good interactions, also i havent done that in months. it felt fun again. hopefully that feeling continues this weekend, but i have a feeling its going to be a quiet weekend. fine with me though. i honestly dont think im going to be going out too much in the near future. but i take my life day by day so who the fuck knows. honestly anything can happen.
anyway this was kind of a weird post, just wanted to get some shit out there.
__________________
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/147107 < life journal (2010-2012)
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
april 16, 2011
had kind of a weird night last night
got blown out hard by two girls i used to know and be friends with. one is kinda beat but the other one is still pretty hot.
not gunna lie i wasnt in the best mood, def. not dressed well ( i was wearing a dark hoodie with a pointy hood) my lips were chapped as fuck, i have a cold, and my hair is still overgrown and out of control hahha. there were many good looking girls at the bar tonight and none of them gave me a second look. i think one or two might of talked to me briefly but to me thats nothing. im kinda pissed off becasue it was a waste of a night. but it was better then staying home no doubt. met a few dudes. no homo.
anyway im still kinda sick. i was gunna hit up motown with a couple female freinds tonight but that is not going to happen. kinda fine with me cuz the weather still sucks dick, im sick like i just mentioned and i would like to save some money since i spent a lot this week.
i actually went on a "date" this week with a girl ive hooked up with before. did i bang her? no. did i pay for the meal? yes. (hooters)
whatever. ill take the experience and move forward. i need to get laid and very soon and im at the point where im willing to spend money to do so. u have to spend money anyway right?
rsd talks alot about coming "full circle"....well i think i have. i feel like i was before i got into the game. fustrated and hopeless (when it comes to girls) on the one hand i have had a lot of succuess since i got into this game shit, but ive had just as much frustration. but i guess that comes with it you know? nothing comes easy. i accept that.
id ratter have the fustration of a bad night like "fuck i didnt get shit tonight"
rather then "tonight sucked and things will probably never change"
well i know things change every second of everyday. like jeffy says...the universe is an absurd place
hmmm what else do i feel like saying today
my friend jess told me on monday that she wanted me to come with her to rutgers last night (friday). i did not hear from her. ok. this isnt the first time shes ditched me. i really dont even bother trying to hang out with her anymore cuz this is the shit she pulls, plus shes in love with my friend. as far as im concerned shes not really a friend anymore. a friend would at least text me and let me know whats going on.
i thought this girl was cool. ive known her for two years and i believe i have seen her complete personality. she can go fuck herself casue im doneski.
this girl that i brought to hooters its kind of a whore. very sexy tho and a really nice pussy. we've been texting a lot and shit and im sure if i keep my cool with her ill be able to hook up with her during the summer. i only met her this past january i will not likely bring her out again unless its with a group of people.
i got a new phone becasue i accidently washed my cell earlier in teh week... so i lost a lot of my contacts (150+)
this means i need to get some fresh new girls in there.
i look forward to the challenge
havent been drinking or smoking weed as uch lately. feel pretty good about that. will continute that trend.
ive been working a lot which is also good. makin that money. i actually have a comfrotable financial cushion for the first time in a long time....still need to fix my honda tho
anyway i have a feeling this weekend is beat. whatever. ill do some reading and sleep a lot fuck it.
had kind of a weird night last night
got blown out hard by two girls i used to know and be friends with. one is kinda beat but the other one is still pretty hot.
not gunna lie i wasnt in the best mood, def. not dressed well ( i was wearing a dark hoodie with a pointy hood) my lips were chapped as fuck, i have a cold, and my hair is still overgrown and out of control hahha. there were many good looking girls at the bar tonight and none of them gave me a second look. i think one or two might of talked to me briefly but to me thats nothing. im kinda pissed off becasue it was a waste of a night. but it was better then staying home no doubt. met a few dudes. no homo.
anyway im still kinda sick. i was gunna hit up motown with a couple female freinds tonight but that is not going to happen. kinda fine with me cuz the weather still sucks dick, im sick like i just mentioned and i would like to save some money since i spent a lot this week.
i actually went on a "date" this week with a girl ive hooked up with before. did i bang her? no. did i pay for the meal? yes. (hooters)
whatever. ill take the experience and move forward. i need to get laid and very soon and im at the point where im willing to spend money to do so. u have to spend money anyway right?
rsd talks alot about coming "full circle"....well i think i have. i feel like i was before i got into the game. fustrated and hopeless (when it comes to girls) on the one hand i have had a lot of succuess since i got into this game shit, but ive had just as much frustration. but i guess that comes with it you know? nothing comes easy. i accept that.
id ratter have the fustration of a bad night like "fuck i didnt get shit tonight"
rather then "tonight sucked and things will probably never change"
well i know things change every second of everyday. like jeffy says...the universe is an absurd place
hmmm what else do i feel like saying today
my friend jess told me on monday that she wanted me to come with her to rutgers last night (friday). i did not hear from her. ok. this isnt the first time shes ditched me. i really dont even bother trying to hang out with her anymore cuz this is the shit she pulls, plus shes in love with my friend. as far as im concerned shes not really a friend anymore. a friend would at least text me and let me know whats going on.
i thought this girl was cool. ive known her for two years and i believe i have seen her complete personality. she can go fuck herself casue im doneski.
this girl that i brought to hooters its kind of a whore. very sexy tho and a really nice pussy. we've been texting a lot and shit and im sure if i keep my cool with her ill be able to hook up with her during the summer. i only met her this past january i will not likely bring her out again unless its with a group of people.
i got a new phone becasue i accidently washed my cell earlier in teh week... so i lost a lot of my contacts (150+)
this means i need to get some fresh new girls in there.
i look forward to the challenge
havent been drinking or smoking weed as uch lately. feel pretty good about that. will continute that trend.
ive been working a lot which is also good. makin that money. i actually have a comfrotable financial cushion for the first time in a long time....still need to fix my honda tho
anyway i have a feeling this weekend is beat. whatever. ill do some reading and sleep a lot fuck it.
__________________
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/147107 < life journal (2010-2012)
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
nestea
Trusted Member
Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2105
i smoked with my dealer about an hour ago so im kinda baked.
listened to the power of now for a few days in a row. changed my life. cant believe i havent done this yet. should of listened to manwhore right from the start but i am at peace with it. its in the past. ive been listening to it for over a week. a few chapters every day.
so i feel really good. ive also been working and making some good money...been driving a car the boss lended to me. thats probably a really big key to why im feeling really good but whatever. its been a great 11ish days.
so ive been working hard and then hanging out at night. went out last night and had a good night. felt good, but went 0-3 in pool so that kinda sucked. god some nice kino and a good little bit of convo with this girl i know at the bar. it wasnt too much but it was still fun.
i also now know what it feels like to be in the moment, and not worry about what other brains are doing/thinking. just go on what you see. what you see right now is all that fucking matters. nothing else. not the guy down the street, not whats in the kitchen. its about what is in front of your fucking face.
if u realize this, you will be a lot more keen in your soical interactions. your right there, in the moment.
for the first time last night, when i was stading next to the girl, my brain felt so clear, and then i asked myself, "how do i make this more fun?" straight out of fucking flawless natural. so i said something to the girl and kind of gave her a couple nudges. and we "kino pinged" lol. how nerdy is that wow.
anyway it led to a later interaction when i was leaving, where we actually got pretty close and shit. its really nothing special but for some reason it just gave me a lot of my confidence back. the past 6-8 months. fuck it more like the past year or so.
i remember back in 08 when i first got into this stuff, i was so excited, pumped, fueld, motivated, confident, saved, relaxed, destresed, like everything was now going to be ok. i felt like i could go into any bar and just find that one girl and shit would go down without question. that led to some tight ass shit. i was getting girls every other weekend. and if i had a journal back then, it would be a shit load more interesting then it is now. damn thats some brutal truth right there.
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies