THE FORUMS

hey drama, thanks for your insights and i wish you good luck with ur 30DC and hope ur BC was awesome.

having this deep abundance mindset took a decent amount of time, pain and also happinesss

by pain i mean girls blowing me off, telling me straight up their not interested kicking me out of their life (some to let me back in later which is always a boost)
by happiness i mean getting those hookups that i really wanted, having hot girls (and women) validate my looks(im a good looking guy but deeply insecure) and my brain

time: about 1.5 years. and im actually pretty thankful that it only took that long. if u were to tell me today that it would take me almost 2 years to get at a graspable level of abundance id be fucking furious and probably quit. but if i have learned anything from RSD its that all good and worthwile things TAKE TIME. seriously...whats the rush anyway.....




naturally this is all a lifelong process but im at the point where abundance is at a level that is in my favor. its good enough and it only going to get better and better from here. yay


now that i think i have at least a few followers i might be a little better with my typoz :p

firstly i want to make up for a few bad threads ive created in the MAIN FORURM lately, also, just understand that some threads i make are just ideas in my head that i want to see peoples thoughts about. sometimes i want the validation that its bullshit and that im being a jackass.... so thats why i make threads like the one about my friend which ive since edited becasue it was just really brutal. it didnt seem bad at the time i wrote it, it just seemed like i was kind of ticked off. in real life i wasnt steaming over what had happened that weekend or anything, i was just fustrated and still kind of am, but whatever. i made this as sort of my 1200th post milestone. i never made one for 500, or 1000 or anything.... so 1217th it is.



got into MM summer 08 after reading his book. from his fourms i found RSD in march09.

before i bought mystery's book i was a fucking joke when it came to girls. I remember a few years ago, i want to say early 06 or early 07, i had this super hot girl practically given to me from my friends girlfriend (it was her cousin). big tits, blonde, horney, the only downfall was she never wanted to make out. i was over her house once laying on top of her and she said she only likes to fuck and dosent like to kiss. so, becasue i didnt know how to fuck a girl without kissing her first i never did anything. hell i probably wouldnt of fucked her if she let me kiss her anyway. i left an hour later and called her the next day which was extremly akward. she lasted about 2 weeks. this was basically what i was doing with every girl that came my way my entire life. finding a way to fuck it up before i even get some ass.

i remember sneaking into a bar when i was 20 and having no fucking clue how to get a girl. the only way i would meet girls is through my social circle. i could easily be friends with a girl, but i had absoutly nothing to offer sexually. so this was all happening up untill i turned about 21.


Now im 23 and i feel really good about life. in the past 2 years i have changed dramatically. but im still not getting laid. last time i had "sex" it was with a 39 year old woman and it was just fucking sad. that was 9 months ago. if i got her pregnant i could have a kid right now. to me, this is pathetic.


therefore im going to simplify my life. basic thought patterns, no crazy assumptions about anything. just purely go with the fucking flow.


now a days i wouldnt say im still a joke when it comes to girls/women but i am missing something deep. maybe a few things. the only good thing going for me right now is im making more money then i ever have before. ive nearly doubled my income starting 2 weeks ago. and i have a pretty easy job now. i was previously unemployed since march  this year.

i think having some money will allow me to do a few more things i want to do. i despretly need some winter clothes, i want new bedsheets (im using a sleeping bag as a bedsheet) and i need to fix my main car. just a few examples of some dumb shit i need to do.


so with all that im making a few tweaks in my life starting yesterday. (you can skip this part)

i workout(pushups, pullups,jumpingjacks, stretching) everday i have work (tues-fri) but that dosent mean i wont do it a little on the other days. its just a starting figure. nothings in stone.

i wont be eating when im at work.maybe a few crackers or fruit to keep my stomach from rumbling but thats it. trying to keep an overall healthy lifestyle (primal blueprint / dr. mercola)

girls are no longer my main focus, nor is going out. its too cold out anyway. my main focus is work. its not a hard job but i still need to focus. i dont need to suck up to customers or my bosses. i just need to focus on being efficient. i need to make some money to fix some of the problems in my life. this should be my main and pretty much only focus. but its hard when you know a lot of people and their always asking you to hang out. i digress:

read a little bit at work. ive started Jeffy's 9ball again. after this book maybe ozzie's.

i have been eating healthier and reading health blogs. i will continure this trend probably almost every day.

i dont have to do shit that i dont want to do. but i cant be too lazy

 50%less facebook

watch more movies and tv. relax at home more at least around the holidays and winter time. at the very least hang out at home during the week.


none of this is set in stone, which is important becasue i think we need to be a little flexible with ourselves. ESP when practicing new habbits.



this will be the plan going into 2011. new changes. better living. this is what i like to do every year. analize what ive done to what i have recently done. make the tweaks. see how it works. some are big tweaks some are little tweaks. tweak tweak tweaks. twi'leks.


ive been playing knights of the old republic again. good game.


some last thoughts....

i feel like the best times of my life are still in front of me. i still have many years on this planet hopefully, and i want to make them count for something. i want to inspire people, myself, my friends. i want to be a good person by my own standards. most of peoples standards are retarted. and most of all. i want to fuck girls so good that they are always coming back for more. i belive its in my foreseeable future.

had a shitty night last night.

started out with my friend jess saying for 2 days how badly she wanted to hang out and see me and shit. cool.

she picks me up to go to my buddys house and on the way there she says "your sleeping next to me right?"
naturally i agree, knowing this wont happen.

the night goes on, we get al ittle physical but shes pissing me off here and there, wont go into details cuz it wasnt a big deal, but she was def. acting weird.

fuck that shit.

anyway the nights ends up in dramafest 2010 and i leave.  also apparently i was being a fagget which never happens to me but we all have our nights i guess.i didnt start dramafest but apparently i played a part. fuck it i dont care.

been thinking about jess all morning but its fucking irrelevant and i need to stop giving all this power to this girl. its hard casue shes a very good girl to me, but then she likes to do dumb shit.  fuck it WHATEVER

i say that but im still not in whatever status about her. but im trying. her facebook this morning said "good job jess" which means she fucked up and she knows it but its too late. i cant be putting my emotions into her, or into any girl for that matter at this point in my life. its just foolish.


so anyway im going to nyc with this really really hot girl and some of her friends ( assume guys and girls) so this should be very interesting. im going to meet at her apt around 1 and we are driving down to the mall to get the bus.

maybe ill do it live?

 THIS WEEKEND:

negitive
just pretty much subtly ended my friendship with what i thought was one of the most quality girls in my life. turns out shes just another stupid girl that has come in and now is right back out of my life. i cant tell you how many times this has happened to me, and it hurts equally as bad every time.funny how history repeats itself over and over. even with my new beliefs, mindsets, skills, experience, its still the same ol god damn shit with these broads. un fucking real yo.im not going to go into detail becasue its really just another generic story of boy meets girl, she turns out to be a dumbass, she winds up fucking with his head and hes back where he started except just more pissed off at the female population and writes in his online journal about it. as soon as she comes online im deleting her off my buddy list so i dont have to know if shes online or not. i wont delete her from facebook cause that is unnescarry. i also will not delete her from my phone. im just ging to delete her from where we would talk most. AIM. ive lost my logs from the past year or so but i bet if i added up all the hours me and this girl have together it would be hundreds. over a period of 1.5 years. i met her a few months after joining this community. im pretty upset its come to this but shit happens. nonetheless this is a horrible feeling 


i seriously just feel like ive broken up with a girlfriend, thats how close we were. and yes we were hooking up but not fucking. the not fucking part is what the deal breaker was i believe. this hurts a lot but i will use this pain to push forward and hopefully i learn that in this life, i need to stop kidding myself and realize that i need to stop getting so emotionally involved. from now on, girls are just girls, they are not gonig to make me feel better, i dont want them to, their so fucking unstable that its insane for me to move on thinking any other way. it honeslty makes me sick that i have to change my mindset to this but i can no longer stick with my current belief that girls will treat me perfect. they dont, they never have and clearly they never will.


 positiveS

friday night. a bunch of people and i went party hoping. my friends roommate was up from philly was was hanging out with us. shes super cute and has a slaaaaaamin body. for some reason later in the night i was outside smoking a cig by myself.... straight up chillen, the roommate comes up to me and gives me a hug for some reason. sweet. i then proceeded to place my hand on her ass and it was amazing, she did not care. i dont remember what happened after that but nothing really worth noteing. got lots of validation from girls all night. no hookups. whatver. saturday i could of hooked up with a 6 but my ego got in the way. still a confidence booster. was also eye contact validated by the hottest girl at the party. she was there with faggot boyfriend so nothing would come of it. went 2-2 in pong which sucks but i first went 2-0, and lost 2 more after i had been drinking A LOT. so im not too concerned. i fucking hate it when the last two cups are side by side.

not one of my finer weekends but ive had much worse. hopefully new year brings new and better experiences, esp. with the ladies. i want to start writing lay reports god damnit!