THE FORUMS

met this girl at a party last night. pretty cute girl but id give her a 7. she was sitting on the rock outside, so i asked her if i could sit next to her, then i asked her if i could get closer, then i asked her if i could put my hand on her knee for a second. i asked her if i could get really close and tell her a story followed by a gleaming smile...basically laughting. she said "i barely know this kid but i love him"

at this point i said "baby....i love you too"  and we started making out. then i got her number

but what really happened is she said "i barley know this kid but i love him" and i said "aww thanks".

now why didnt i go with the obviously smoother line in that senerio? idk if i was attracted enough to make the effort. the night was still young and i had other girls on my mind. but looking back i should of went for it reguardless.

currently listening to: lil wayne throw it in the bag

went out last night like i do every saturday night for my entire life. start out at a bar have a few drinks with some buddies. it was actually a decent time, later we went to another place where i met up with my friend dana briefly. honeslty i was more interested in the yankees redsox game more then anything else that night. i like the girl dana kind of, i also like about 10 other girls. my life is kind of weird right now. my dad is now a handicap, i feel old but not really. i just turned 23 last month. i suck at closing.

anyway back to last night. after i diped out early from the one bar dana was at, went to another but it was closing. saw two girls there i know so i smoked them up cuz she had a pipe and i had some weed. and their both hot, ummm i went to hs with them and the one girl always lets me kiss her on the cheek so i assume we're cool. they both have always had boyfriends and their boyfriends are cool so theres a mutual respect even tho i want to bang them both. always have. so we blaze and my ride is headed back to the first bar where i just ate pizza, got drunk and then slept at my friends. i slept with his cat and that was the only pussy i got that night.

dana texted em and told me to come back and chill and that i shouldnt of left so early, but her ex bf was there, also a lot of other dudes that want her shit. as soon as i talked to her i felt one guy already giving me the death stare. i just ignore it but i still find it annoying. there was actually this moment me and dana had when she was talking to me, i gave her the back and forth eye movement thing u do when u really like someone. and for some reason we both started laughing our asses off and it was seriously on. but i feel like im a scumbag for waiting so long to hook up with her. very confusing scenerio for me with this chick. im not sure if i should be a little more peristant in chilling with her. idk man

she did say a while ago that i was cuter then my friend and she let him finger her that night so who the fuck really knows.


thursday night:

went to hoboken via limo with some people. few cute girls, one that i really like but havent seen in months, and a couple of chodes.

i had the hottest one of the girls all over me all night but when i went to kiss her she turned a cheek. said she didnt want to hurt chode A's feelings since he was sitting in the limo with us, but i thought he was passed out idk. i was pretty blasted. i didnt get mad, i actually kind of chuckeled and just sat there and closed my eyes. i texted her the next day and we texted a bit, she kept saying she needs to hang out with her friend so we did not chill friday night
i asked her via text if we could get married and she said yes and then i replied ok but u have to be able to kiss me :* she didnt reply but i didnt really expect her too
then the next next day i texted her at night and asked what she was doing, she said watching said movie with the same girlfriend. im ok with that. i tell her enjoy the movie and ill talk to her later so i guess ill give it a few days and then call her and push for a hangout. im going to be persistant as fuck this time till she tells me to fuck off or ok lets do this.

but at the same tiem im not sure if i want to push it that far.


updates: dana is a bitch and is another lost casue. peace bitch 12/3/10

Friday, October 29th 2010.

life really knows how to test me.

my car is fucked for a while, which means im going to be spending a lot more time at home. this isnt so bad becasue i do save a lot of money. i will have more time to read, catch up on tv shows and sleep. i have a real excuse to be a bum now, casue i dont have a job or go to school right now. people will think im a bum, a mooch, a lazy peice of shit, hell i even feel this way a lot, and its simply not the case. how can i or anyone expect me to be always going, always busy, always productive? its just an illusion. lots of my friends work and school, and drive themselves mad. on their free time they get wasted and then the cycle repeats. sleep for a few hours, work for a lot of hours, and do school shit for even more time.

what would  i rather be doing? im not sure. i love to learn and be productive in life. but i also love getting out of the house an experienceing new things. nothing in my life is stable right now except for the little income i get from the state.


i need to just relax and enjoy my time off. i have nothing but time for the next few months. i just have to have patience and learn to be productive with my time.

Sunday, November 7th 2010.

whats good.


just got home from a porno convention, it was pretty interesting. i talked to a really big porn star briefly...pretty cool. went down with my buddy and a chick. shes a pretty big hoe, but shes got a nice tight little body. we actually got pretty psysical with touching, tickeling etc. clearly she wanted my dick but i couldnt becasue of many reasons, plus i dont want an STD. always nice to get some validation tho.

last night i was at the bar with some people, got pretty blasted, chilled with my two lady friends and i got realllly fucked up. it was kind of weird becasue they were not on my level, but i wasnt even planing on hanging out with them so its really no big deal. but for some reason i went outside to text my mom, when i cam back inside they both asked me who i was talking to and i fucking lied and said it was some udnerage girl that i didnt want to talk to. i did this to make myself look cool, and it backfired. the one girl said i was a bad liar but i just kept pushing the lie forward. im still shaking my head about this. gotta cut that shit out completly, lieing is retarted. bend the truth, but do not straight up lie, its pointless. idk what i was thinking. very stupid. times 10. retarted. i was very pissed at myself when i woke up this morning thats how stupid i was. but i was fucked up so whatever.

i must say tho, overall ive been feeling really good about myself. its a bit hard sometimes esp since i dont have a job and now my car is broken down for a bit. but i still remain strong. havent been smoking weed, or drinking nearly as often as i was. ive cut back a lot which i like to do from time to time to let my body detox a bit. it takes a lot of pateince and self control and i am proving to myself daily that i am not a fuckup. its a great feeling.


thats really all i have to say tonight. trying to keep my sanity one day at a time here and dig myself out of some shit. life has been weird but good. its going to be a long few months but it is what it is.


edit: little did i know that 2 years later i would hook up with her mwhahaha. didnt not fuck due to std possibiities. shes stil hot tho.

its early monday morning on a cold and windy fall day.

i miss my friend jess. i miss her touch, her warm skin, her laugh, her tits, her ass, her voice. im falling for this girl (again) for almost a year ive had feelings for her on and off. i havent had sex with her, just makeouts and heavy touching. it fucking sucks being so attracted to one girl. since i dont have a car i cant see her as much, my fucking car's broken and its going to take some time for me to get money together.

i will not be going out for a while. im going to save my money and get my car fixed up. i have all the time in the world right now. ill keep myself occupied by keeping the house clean, reading, and watching movies and tv.

i feel like i improve daily. my confidence has hit a plateu and theres no going back down, just up. i thought it would be there during the summer, and it was for a while, but it diped back down. there even hit a point where i wouldnt attempt to hook up with any girls. the last hookup i had was a few weeks a ago with the girl i mentioned before. could of hooked up with this girl saturday night but shes kind of a slut and my friend banged her so he might of been upset about it. whatever ill take the validation and move on.

so right now my money situation is OK. not great, not terrible. ive definitly been in much worse spots. hopefully i dotn fuck up and spend it on shit i dont need. i want to fix up my car very nice like. thats where my money will go to. i havent been smoking weed much at all or drinking for that matter. ive really cut down on both which i needed. i was getting addicted to pot cuz i love smoking it so much. but soemtimes u need to take a step back from teh things u love, get by without them for a while....it causes u to grow your personality. gives u perspective on how many fuck ups there really are in this world who cant even stay out of a mcdonalds for more then a few days. ppl my age are starting to let themselves go. i was like that in HS but i have changed.

still changing

maybe more later........