THE FORUMS

July 22nd, 2017
do it again 2010
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nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2302

cant stop wont stop.

my fucking mood has been up and down all fucking week. mad annoying. it all roots from my finances as well. fucking bullshit. i wish i could work 10-15 hour days untill my credit cars are paid off. it would only take me a few week.s im living in the future right now cause i just want this shit to get paid off. ive been living in the future for years, i only realized this somewhat recently. its NO WAY to live. its ALMOST as bad as living in the past....its just as crippling to be honest. both will get you fucking nowhere. it just makes ur mind wander is different pointless directions. and guess what, forget about thinking your enough for a gorgous sexy awesome girl. thats not even in the equation. its no wonder i havent been getting any pussy. i havent wanted it casue its a distraction, but at the same time it wouldnt be so muc of a distraction if i just had my shit together. fucking a. whatever bro im not perfect. but i know what i gotta do and how to be the best person i can be and i havent been doing it. this week totally sucked but it was a pretty good wake up call which i guess we all need from time to time. especally me i tend to get a bit lazy when i hit that comfort zone at work but hey, who the fuck doesnt. gotta keep that shit under control tho. hit the reset button and get back to the fucking basics. clean slate for next week simply because i said so. my one job is going well, its the other one that needs a few tweaks i guess. it sucks that the kids i worth with are fucking morons. the one kid has such a big ego its ridiclious. but i just gota be aware of that which luckily i am, and just get over it, learn to work with it. i gotta end this fucking month with some fucking poise. put my god damn head down and work. fuck the shore, fuck the bars, fuck the parties, fuck girls (literally and figuretivly) money is my main shit right now sadly.

its time to fucking evolve. hit some new fucking levels here. stewit.



i feel like im at war with myself right now. its bad. i think im gunna take this weekend to just work and meditate. no drinking no partying, no girls. sorry katrina i gotta blow u off. i just feel like it wil be easier to do once my money is under control but im not going to use that as an excuse this weekend becasue i have enough to get by.


update: friday night
chillen in my apt after a 4 hour shift at work. i wanted to stay all night but i couldnt. whatever im working all weekend.
also my boss said ill be on a lot next week which is exactly what  i needed. good shit. gotta make that money.
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nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2302

 


working at this new place is definitly the best thing for me right now. i see beautiful women every shift i work and its awesome.

 i dont deserve a girl right now. whether i do or do not, whethere i am already enough is not relevant at this time. I DONT BELIEVE that i deserve a girl at this time in my life. its a shame cuz im lookin good and summer just started but thats the way it goes sometimes. more work is to be done.  its funny cuz this time last year i banged out two girls already. so far this year i havent REALLY hooked up with any girls at all. there was this chick last week that i got pretty physical with but i dont truely consider that a hookup. ive been pretty physical with a few, been close here and there, but i have yet to connect lips with a beautiful woman. fuckin gey.

nonetheless, they are nothing but a distraction at this point so i cant really complain. i basically have the grass is greener syndrom right now. h8 that shit. i want a girl but i dont want a girl. i want a few girls but at the same time i cant be bothered. i deserve a girl but i dont. arhhhhhhhhh. shit maybe im more fucked up then i thought? im calm on the outside but inside i guess i have just have more work to be done then i thought. 



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nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2302

 got my first makeout of the year/summer tonight. shes kind of a but i dont care. i had to work at it and i got it. obviously there is a little more action going on, but i wanted that fucking kiss and i fucking got it. word.



next day updates: so this girl is kind of a big but she has a really nice fucking body. i didnt have any condoms so i didnt push the issue for sechs plus i believe she has a bf. i got a text from a mutual friend after me and this chick dissapeared saying "she has a bf dont be that guy" which is ironic cuz that girl had a bf when i hooked up with her as well. nonetheless i was that guy anyway. bahaha. as u can see i dont like to drop names so it might get a bit confusing. surry. 

anyway i eventually wanna fuck this girl but i think its a bad idea. her body is sooo nice tho. i was feelin her little titties and shit it was fantasssssstic. factor tho. 

whatever. ill enjoy my little disney kiss moment from last night. that makes two weekends in a row now of getting with a good lookin chicka. well played me, well played. the best part is im not even really trying. 
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nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2302

want less give more
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nestea

nestea

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unexpected crazy day yesterday. but pretty sweet. then i had some pretty wild fucking dreams. hiking today then work then provavkly coming back home to get some shit done.

im not gunna set rules formyself this week...but i need to work, not drink or smoke,and chill and watch hbo. thats all i want to do. 
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nestea

nestea

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when someone says HEY DEWD UR SHIRT IS INSIDE OUT. i say YOUR INSIDE OUT and proceed to break out in a dance routine with myself. 
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nestea

nestea

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this whole "no putting effort into girls" continues to move forward>. it is slightly difficult at times, but overall not too bad.

i mean obviously i would love to banging a girl everynight with no strings attatched but thats somewhat out of the question right now. ha. somewhat. i only say somewhat to make it from becoming a limiting belief which it likely already is. but whatever.  it still feels like im still peeling away the layers of bullshit that has been pounded into my brain the past 2 decades. mainly by trying to squash habbits which truely is difficult to do. especally if you LIKE the habbit in the first place, but u just believe that removing that habbit will be even better then being "addicted" do it. i say addicted very losely because were not all truely addicted to our habits if we hav strong enough willpower and intelligence.


i haven really smoked weed in the past week and a half or so but the pst 2 nights i managed to obtain some pretty sweet plants. its been good times. lots of realizations. only been indulging after work hours. except today but i took a nap before my shift. made good money tonight. i will try to do the same tomorrow. the opportunity is there. i should be working al weekend and go to terrace monday. thats prettty much the plan right now. gotta stay out of thesun for a day or two here as well cuz im like really fucking tan and i need to relax for a few days. dont wanna overdew it.

what the fuc else is going on. ive been working. thats about it. it hasnt been too hard either. im ooking at a pretty nice stack of money ight now but its not enough. im happy with what is there but not completly satsified. ha just like girls.



i have resisted buying clothes for a while now. it sucks cuz i wanna just spend like 500 bucks and just build a new epic wardrobe. not a lot of shit but i ef have a few things i want to try out. i will likely never be satisified with my wardrobe either. this could be kind of a good thing but expensive. it will have to wait a little longer. as wil my computers and technology in general. and once i upgrade im never going back again. ever. always forward> thees n fucking reason. im sick of going back and forth. i now know whats good and whats shit. sko.
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nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2302

 feeling pretty good today, but still need a new keyboard. infact i need to upgrade all my electronics. first things first. get out of debt.

anyway i have an overall calmness today. maybe cuz i went out last night, maybe cuz i have enough money for rent and imnot freaking out. idk, but whatever it is i like it. 

gotta keep moving along here. im working tonight and working a double tomorrow. aka, fuckin moneyyy

ive been lifting a lil bit lately. good stuff. gotta keep doin that. my world is kind of a disaster right now but it wont be for long i promise. im trying to just chill and work right now. not pursuing any hobbies, girls, etc. just trying to ground myself a bit here. reach a certain level and then move forward from there. but i want that base foundation. thats what im striving for right now. once my money is right. shit is going DOWN



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nestea

nestea

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electric cigarettes are the shit
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nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2302

 what must be done, will now be done. 




The Wisdom of Allowing Things to Happen
Posted: 29 Jun 2012 09:14 AM PDT
The Master allows things to happen.
She shapes events as they come.
She steps out of the way
and lets the Tao speak for itself.
~The Daodejing
Post written by Leo Babauta.

This has been what I’ve been learning over the past couple of years. Allowing things to happen.
It goes counter to our usual instincts in Western society — we are doers, creators of our destiny, we make things happen … we don’t wait for it to happen! That’s what I was taught from an early age, in school and by every motivational sports movie I ever watched. So allowing things to happen is not my normal way.
I have never been one to be passive, to let things happen instead of making them happen, to let go of control of things.
But here’s what I’ve been learning:
This control we think we have over our lives and our destinies … it’s an illusion. As the guy who had his life turned upside down by a heart attack, the woman who lost her father to death and had to drop everything, the family who lost their home to a hurricane, the entrepreneur that was doing well until the economy collapsed and no one was spending, the hard-working employee who was laid off when the economy tanked, the cyclist who was hit by a car, the car that skid because someone ran onto the road who had been obscured, the mom whose son has autism despite her doing everything right during pregnancy … it happens every day, where we think we’re in control but we’re really not. Do we control all the people around us who affect our lives so intimately? Do we control the overwhelming power of nature? There’s so much out of our control that what we think is control is really an illusion.
To control your cow, give it a bigger pasture. This is a great quote from Zen Master Suzuki Roshi, talking about controlling your mind. I see the cow and her pasture as a form of allowing things to happen — instead of tightly controlling something, you’re opening up, giving it more room, a bigger pasture. The cow will be happier, will roam around, will do as she pleases, and yet your needs will also be met. The same is true of anything else — stepping back and allowing things to happen means things will take care of themselves, and your needs will also be met. And you’ve done no work.
You have less stress, less to worry about. Imagine allowing things to happen naturally, and things work out, and all you did was smile and watch. You don’t have to worry about shaping things, about controlling something that doesn’t want to be controlled. You don’t have to push, and fix leaks, and put out fires. You just let things work on their own. They happen.
Things will surprise you. Let’s say you’re allowing something to happen. You might want it to go a certain way, to a certain outcome. That’s your goal. But what if you let go of this idea? What if you say, “I don’t know what will happen.” (Btw, you really don’t.) What if you say, “Let’s see what happens.” Then things will happen, but not the way you planned. The outcome might be completely different than what you’d hoped for. But it can still be great, just different. It might even be wonderful, and surprising. Surprises are good, if we accept that things always change and that change is good.
You learn how things work. Instead of trying to make things work the way you want them to work, just watch them work. You’ll learn much more about human nature, about the nature of the world, as you see things work without you controlling it. It might change you.
That’s all very good, Leo, you’re thinking. But that won’t put the food on my table.
Maybe you’re right. And so, don’t let me stop you from what you need to do. Carry on. I’ll just sit back and watch.
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