THE FORUMS

 today was dogshit. hopefully tomorrow will be awesome.

cant stop wont stop.

my fucking mood has been up and down all fucking week. mad annoying. it all roots from my finances as well. fucking bullshit. i wish i could work 10-15 hour days untill my credit cars are paid off. it would only take me a few week.s im living in the future right now cause i just want this shit to get paid off. ive been living in the future for years, i only realized this somewhat recently. its NO WAY to live. its ALMOST as bad as living in the past....its just as crippling to be honest. both will get you fucking nowhere. it just makes ur mind wander is different pointless directions. and guess what, forget about thinking your enough for a gorgous sexy awesome girl. thats not even in the equation. its no wonder i havent been getting any pussy. i havent wanted it casue its a distraction, but at the same time it wouldnt be so muc of a distraction if i just had my shit together. fucking a. whatever bro im not perfect. but i know what i gotta do and how to be the best person i can be and i havent been doing it. this week totally sucked but it was a pretty good wake up call which i guess we all need from time to time. especally me i tend to get a bit lazy when i hit that comfort zone at work but hey, who the fuck doesnt. gotta keep that shit under control tho. hit the reset button and get back to the fucking basics. clean slate for next week simply because i said so. my one job is going well, its the other one that needs a few tweaks i guess. it sucks that the kids i worth with are fucking morons. the one kid has such a big ego its ridiclious. but i just gota be aware of that which luckily i am, and just get over it, learn to work with it. i gotta end this fucking month with some fucking poise. put my god damn head down and work. fuck the shore, fuck the bars, fuck the parties, fuck girls (literally and figuretivly) money is my main shit right now sadly.

its time to fucking evolve. hit some new fucking levels here. stewit.



i feel like im at war with myself right now. its bad. i think im gunna take this weekend to just work and meditate. no drinking no partying, no girls. sorry katrina i gotta blow u off. i just feel like it wil be easier to do once my money is under control but im not going to use that as an excuse this weekend becasue i have enough to get by.


update: friday night
chillen in my apt after a 4 hour shift at work. i wanted to stay all night but i couldnt. whatever im working all weekend.
also my boss said ill be on a lot next week which is exactly what  i needed. good shit. gotta make that money.

 got my first makeout of the year/summer tonight. shes kind of a slut but i dont care. i had to work at it and i got it. obviously there is a little more action going on, but i wanted that fucking kiss and i fucking got it. word.



next day updates: so this girl is kind of a big slut but she has a really nice fucking body. i didnt have any condoms so i didnt push the issue for sechs plus i believe she has a bf. i got a text from a mutual friend after me and this chick dissapeared saying "she has a bf dont be that guy" which is ironic cuz that girl had a bf when i hooked up with her as well. nonetheless i was that guy anyway. bahaha. as u can see i dont like to drop names so it might get a bit confusing. surry. 

anyway i eventually wanna fuck this girl but i think its a bad idea. her body is sooo nice tho. i was feelin her little titties and shit it was fantasssssstic. slut factor tho. 

whatever. ill enjoy my little disney kiss moment from last night. that makes two weekends in a row now of getting with a good lookin chicka. well played me, well played. the best part is im not even really trying. 

unexpected crazy day yesterday. but pretty sweet. then i had some pretty wild fucking dreams. hiking today then work then provavkly coming back home to get some shit done.

im not gunna set rules formyself this week...but i need to work, not drink or smoke,and chill and watch hbo. thats all i want to do. 

this whole "no putting effort into girls" continues to move forward>. it is slightly difficult at times, but overall not too bad.

i mean obviously i would love to banging a girl everynight with no strings attatched but thats somewhat out of the question right now. ha. somewhat. i only say somewhat to make it from becoming a limiting belief which it likely already is. but whatever.  it still feels like im still peeling away the layers of bullshit that has been pounded into my brain the past 2 decades. mainly by trying to squash habbits which truely is difficult to do. especally if you LIKE the habbit in the first place, but u just believe that removing that habbit will be even better then being "addicted" do it. i say addicted very losely because were not all truely addicted to our habits if we hav strong enough willpower and intelligence.


i haven really smoked weed in the past week and a half or so but the pst 2 nights i managed to obtain some pretty sweet plants. its been good times. lots of realizations. only been indulging after work hours. except today but i took a nap before my shift. made good money tonight. i will try to do the same tomorrow. the opportunity is there. i should be working al weekend and go to terrace monday. thats prettty much the plan right now. gotta stay out of thesun for a day or two here as well cuz im like really fucking tan and i need to relax for a few days. dont wanna overdew it.

what the fuc else is going on. ive been working. thats about it. it hasnt been too hard either. im ooking at a pretty nice stack of money ight now but its not enough. im happy with what is there but not completly satsified. ha just like girls.



i have resisted buying clothes for a while now. it sucks cuz i wanna just spend like 500 bucks and just build a new epic wardrobe. not a lot of shit but i ef have a few things i want to try out. i will likely never be satisified with my wardrobe either. this could be kind of a good thing but expensive. it will have to wait a little longer. as wil my computers and technology in general. and once i upgrade im never going back again. ever. always forward> thees n fucking reason. im sick of going back and forth. i now know whats good and whats shit. sko.