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December 5th, 2016
do it again 2010
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nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2296

    This is a journal about my life, my thoughts, whatever girls come my way, and whatever other random shit comes to my fucked up brain that i want to write down somewhere. maybe i will indirectly help other people from making the same silly mistakes i have, but then again maybe we just need those mistakes to happen. nonethless i will try to add value as often as possible. 
edit 6/3/12

i reside in new jersey, about an hour from new york city.



what this will be: a journal of life events.collection of thoughts, weekly goals, etc.  my life is pretty interesting so i decided i want to document it. I WILL BE COMPLETLY HONEST WITH THIS. no internet ego shit. i promise. i also will add any recent interaction with girls i have to every post
a. so i can remember good times
b. so i can learn from my mistakes
c. so people can give me free advice and vice versa :)

yeah im a little late on making this thread...i wanted to start it february 1st but whatever. anyways...here we go.


2/7/10
1:10pm


what im doing: watching the capitals/penguins game, talking to my friend jess and ryan on AIM. im also updating my music library which is about to reach 5,000 songs. im still kinda drunk from last night.....

......last night...that was interesting.started with my brother (by bond, not blood) matt coming over around 5 and we started drinking. went to the local bar and had another beer. its usually dead and so it was, so we made our way to the other side of town. like 20 minute drive other side of town. get to the bar around 8 and its someones birthday so theres free food. sweet. i eat a little and drink a lot. a few ppl i know are there. tons of girlies. im hammered and listening to the band. i want to go to my friends party so i leave the bar at god knows what time (sometime after the [=rgb(65, 105, 225)][/]game as over) and walk about 2 miles to his house in the freezing cold, drunk off my ass, not really knowing what im doing. the party was pretty good, again, lots of ladies. i could of hooked up with this one girl but her brother was around and i just met him so i dont need him on my bad side. i was too drunk to get her number when it was painfully obvious (even in the moment) that i could of EASILY gotten it AND got at least a makeout. whateva.  i grab my friend jills boob since their really big and for some reason she hit me really hard. even tho she was "asking if i was coming to the party all night" weird eh. and ive always been sexual with the girl, its no secret dick suprise thing.  i called her a and gave her a hug and then we danced. shes weird.  then i locked myself in the hosts parents room and passed out. probably around 3-4am. i washigh, drunk, and tired, esp from that long ass walk rofl. i cant believe i did that. anyway i woek up, found a ride home and i continute to drink. i need to smoke again.

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#1
nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2296

dgvsfd
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#2
nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2296

so i took the above out of my aim info but i just wanted it in there for a few days to instill into my brain that nothing is a big deal anymore. it really isnt. i almost got fired from my job today and i was totally chill about it. the thoughts that went through my head were:
<whatever i can find a new job, i can get hired easily cause ppl love me, even if i dont get a job right away theres unemployment, etc.>

so its thursday night 2.11.10.
the local bar  does dollar beers tonight and thats when a lot of ppl come out, but tonight im not going. i already spent more then i wanted to this week (15 bucks plus gas) so i bought myself a 40 and plan to just stay inside where its warm and play video games/watch tv. i might blaze with jess later but probably not tonight. too cold. i like my warm room. went to the gym today after work  for the first time in almost a week. i was getting ready to get off the treadmill after 1.25 miles when a super hottie with an a-m-a-z-i-n-g   ass got onto the treadmill in front of me. wow. i stayed on the treadmill for another mile just so i could periodically stare at her amazing ass and picture dirty things. all i did was cardio today so after the gym i washed the salt and shit off my car and came home. probably not going to do much this weekend bc of the cold/snow.
plus i just dont feel like spening anymore money even tho tomorrow is payday. so far i have no plans for the weekend. zip.

overall it was an OK week. nothing too exciting....yet
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#3
nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2296

febryrary 18th. 10:53 EST

current fb status: nice try switzerland
current song: Edguy- the pharaoh
watching: Olympics: russia vs china womens hockey ( i love hockey ok?) 1-0 russia in the second

today was a crapy day at work, but i got a ton of validation from some pretty hot customers lol. after work i  got this girls number thru facebook. we know each other and she has my number but i "spit some facebook game" and got her to text me...... kinda lame but whatever. we texted back and forth for a few minutes, no big deal. this week sucked. i jerked off, spent too much money, got wasted and drove home(i folowed my friend)i feel like im doing bad things because im trying to force out old habbits. i know i can control my spending, masturbating, drinking, smoking. but i go through streaks where i do them all to excess so i can "remember the bad feelings" and move away from them. this year ive gone on streaks where i dont spend money, drink on the weekend. i went through a 12 day streak where i didnt jerk off at all,. i think it was even longer then 12 days but i cant remember. i havent done that since i was 17 and im now 22. i  read somewhere once where when ur trying to shift into a new and better identity, you will "relapse" back to old ways, but the strongest people will fight out of it and get back to the good habbits. now im broke, pissed off, and i have no testosterone, i can feel it. no sex drive. i hate being like this. BUT im not freaking out, im actually very calm about this. i know i can handle my life better and im going to get back on track. its all about momentium and i just gotta give it some time.

thats all for now.
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#4
nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2296

easily one of the worst weeks of my life.

and i dont give a shit. am i pissed off? yes. am i gonig to shrug it off? eventually.

the week: 
the negitives: got blown off by 3 girls
spent way too much money on monday and had to close my savings account just to get some money.
a girl i really liked fucked some other guy. they way she described him he sounded like a chode. when he asked her to the movies he wanted to know what she wanted to see, "whatever you want to do" was one of his texts. i saw it.

i  missed a day of work due to snow so i didnt get paid for that day which really hurt me financially.
i found out i have to work the next two mondays which are generally my days off.
i diped back into old habbits that i wasnt supposed to for 2010. very pissed about that.
i made a lot of mistakes at work this week due to a lot of this shit being on my mind.

easily the worst week of the year. lol.

the positives:
i swore to change. and get back on track with my resolutions.  i havent drank, smoked and JOed in a few days and i feel good about that.
i feel like the only way to go from here is up (hopefully), which is great.
i got some nice new clothes and skin products for myself ( winter has done a number on my skin)
i went to the gym 4 times. ran about 7 miles.
i slept well, but i always sleep well

obviously, a lot more negitives.
february=failbruary.
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#5
feet

feet

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Join Date: 09/21/2006 | Posts: 329

 Don't be so hard on yourself. :) what'd u learn from this month? learn the lessons and keep pushing.
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Best dating coach for asskickers! My journal is here Current project; - 4 month going out everynight project with Gsaad (DONE) - Bootcamp sweden with Alex (DONE) - 8 month worldwide trip of glory (DONE) - Lifestyle balance (Beginning) Australia - Melbourne (MELBY) Crew 2010-2011
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#6
nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2296

im feeling good this week. i have decided im not going into the main forum for a while as an experiment. im going to stay out which will be hard to do bc of all the free time i have at work but i need to do this. its almost turning into a crutch, and i need to staaaayyy aawwayyyy! i made a post about it recently. i was very drunk and annoyed bc all the girls in my life are being stupid. i have many female friends, and i swear to god (if there is one) that last week about 5 of them did SOMETHING to piss me off. am i saying what they did was wrong? no. i wont bore anyone (or myself) this with the detials, but i will give u one example.

my one friend katie who ive hooked up with a few times is now dating a scumbag. it sounds harsh but hes really kinda dirty. im OK with the kid but i wont go out of my way to talk to him or anything. he hooked up with this girl who has the HPV virus and now that hes with this girl katie, i dont think i want to hook up with her again unless she gets tested. i really think i would b grossed out at this point. very sad indeed.

nonetheless, im back on track this week. shrugged off last wek and took what i can from it. moving along.



edit : havent really talked to katie since. she added me on facebook again a few weeks ago. i accepted, wrote something on her wall and she never responded so i deleted her like 2 days later. cya.
-4/29/11

at the end of august i believe it was, me and katie go to an incubus concert together, and almost fuck. she was gridning her ass on my dick pretgty much the enitre concert. hehe
-10/27/11
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#7
nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2296

into March we go.


anyway. who knows what this week/month has in store for me. i have a feeling its going to be a good month. im going to give myself a grade every day this month. i wake up with an A, and depending on what i do and dont do the grade changes. aka, jerking off automatically gives me a B for the day, minus whatever else i did.

only As are acceptable to me. but i know there could be "b" and even 'c" days, gotta try to avoid those. and fuck it maybe i will have "a" days everyday.

i wont be doing this for the rest of my life, just a 31 day experiment. it couldnt hurt right?

current fb status: go to hell crosby
listening to: paul van dyk-reflections
tv: entourage




edit: turned out to be a good month. i was fired from my job but in hindsight im glad i was fired. i have a lot more free time now that im going to enjoy. im going back to school as well.
-4/29/11
edit2: reread this tonight. had the exact reaction from my previous edit. in hindsight. it might of been the best month of my life. led me to amazing, amazing things. /tear.
10/27/11
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#8
nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2296

march 7 2010

sunday morning

feeling akward in certain social situations. mostly bars. i feel like if im there im automatically trying ot take value just by being there. i feel like i have to put up this front of being social.  my confidence is low right now, and i dunno why. maybe its from all the mental pain ive been going through lately, and ive been going through a lot.  maybe im just on the wrong side of momentium.

i dont understand why.
im a good looking kid
i have a good job
i go to the gym
ive been eating better and drinking less
i have a nice car
i have nice clothes
i have a lot of friends
i have a lot of toys

some people would kill to be in my position, and i feel like im wasting my life. i havent gotten laid in a long fucking time. years. im 22 im in my prime years and its all getting fucking wasted because of some crazy shit. wtf is wrong with me. i should be able to meet a girl and fuck her in 3 hours or less, yet lately i cant even get the conversation past "whats your name"

i think i just need it to be summer.
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#9
nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2296

feeling good today (my day off)

kinda laghing off the past few weeks of my life. they've been weird no doubt. life goes on..........
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#10
nestea

nestea

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Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2296

last night: talked to many girls. didnt close, but i remember getting pretty physical with a  few of them, no hookups tho. i think my pale ass skin is hurting my game. am i letting it hurt it? yes i am, but its not an easy thing to just ignore.  on one level, it should not matter, but on another level, i know im not looking my best, so its gonig to fuck with me, thats just the type of person i am, always trying to look my best. i gotta learn to control that, but  i  cant.
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