THE FORUMS

August 20th, 2018
my parents are going to kick me out because of my girlfriend (my life is fucked)
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#51
Radikal

Radikal

Trusted Member

Join Date: 01/29/2008 | Posts: 1235

JFM wrote:

Pirate wrote:
So what your saying is not to emotionally cut myself of from my family. Thing is, is that im not worried about being kicked out of the house, im more worried about the pain it will cause them since they will not let it go.

Imagine how hard it would be to interact with lots of women having fun when "worried about the pain you're causing them because they won't let it go".   Worse....imagine if you handle that situation with "cold" cut off ( like most guys do when they "graduate" from being "worried about others feelings").   The same bullshit is underneath,....and it gets "solved " years and years later when the guy passes it on to HIS kids....just the way his parents are doing it to him.   

This paragraph holds so much value.

Back to girls... they like men, not boys. When we are children we NEED our parents or we'd be dead. The problem arises when our parents fail to teach us to stand on our own feet (because of their own issues). We become grown up boys who seek parents in our relationships to fulfill our needs, and we also foolishly think that we should meet our parents/friends/lovers needs.

It does not mean we should not help each other. We should, but from a place of interdependency and synergy, not neediness.

Boy = needy
Man = independent

A man has needs too. It's just that he knows he is responsible for meeting his needs. IN-DEPENDENT = he solves his dependency internally.
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#52
Robertpulson

Robertpulson

Junior Member

Join Date: 10/31/2009 | Posts: 22

religion is nasty at times especially islam.

Fight club quote " It's only after you have lost everything that your free to do anything"

This girl is just for fucking maybe you do value etc her but your young. Either way if your not religious and don't want a certain colour/relgioned girlfriend then the family you have to wave good bye to.

Very tough situtation and it's if my famiy was that arghh like conidtioned and brought up in some false life believing in some imaginary man... aww i couldn't stand it!
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#53
JFM

JFM

Trusted Member

Join Date: 12/13/2007 | Posts: 2236

Radikal wrote:

The problem arises when our parents fail to teach us to stand on our own feet (because of their own issues). We become grown up boys who seek parents in our relationships to fulfill our needs, and we also foolishly think that we should meet our parents/friends/lovers needs.


A man has needs too. It's just that he knows he is responsible for meeting his needs. IN-DEPENDENT = he solves his dependency internally.
Great sum-up of the core problem with leaving home ( most men die without leaving home).

So there it is...parents could not effect a guy who is meeting his own needs and solves his dependency internally.

The hard part of this is that FORGIVENESS as a process is exactly what stands in the way of that.    That means facing, feeling and owning the pain of NOT GETTING THE ORIGINAL NEEDS MET.  

What do most people do about this?

Protect parents without even realizing it...and just continue on with an oatmeal life, filled with un-owned anger.   Repeating the family story with codependency in work, friends and relationships with women.

Read the thread here...how many guys respond to the MESS of dealing with not having had parents who met their needs with FUCK YOU.
Under ever fuck you is a hurt little boy.

And that's what women smell off of you when you do this...no matter WHATthe logistics are on taking care of the details of "leaving home".    The problem is that women who HATE MEN come running to this energy.

NOT doing the forgiveness has a huge cost in that it ATTRACTS women who will fuck your life.

Feeling the anger and hate....processing it all....forgiving.   It's the only way to leave home.   Physically leaving and taking care of business doesn't even touch the problem.  
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“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.”
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#54

Thisis4am

Respected Member

Join Date: 10/01/2009 | Posts: 388

They said your grades are fucked because of her, so...

#1 - Get better grades, and show them that there is nothing wrong with juggling them

#2 - Do what YOU think is right, but don't let "right" be defined by your parents

#3 - Don't get guilt tripped into anything (my parents try it too)

#4 - Remeber its 2010, you live in a new world, is it really that important if you don't date a "religious girl"? - You decide

Much love, The RSD Nation
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#55
Dinosaur

Dinosaur

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/24/2007 | Posts: 293

YOUR PARENTS ARE FUCKED UP RETARDS



FUCK THEM AND RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY
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#56

Snow_Predator

Junior Member

Join Date: 12/29/2009 | Posts: 2

Turks aren't the only ones that suffer from this prob. I suffer the same with my parents who expect they can plan my life for me (I'm 26, lol) - because they know what's best for me (??wtf? they don't even know who I am!!!). Your parents have NO right to control your life, they have NO right to do things for you and expect you to return the favour by being their puppet. They are trying to live their own lives THROUGH you, and this is wrong! I don't recommend you part ways with your parents though...

cido said: "hey the way i see it is when you decided to have a child you know you have responsibilities for 18 years + so just because they did what parent has to do doesnt make them right to decided who you can and cant meet."

He's totally right! Ideally they should expect nothing in return, BUT - it IS a LOT of hard work and parents get through the hard work of raising a child by envisioning what their child be like when they grow up, and they'll do everything to make you that person THEY want you to be, even if it makes you unhappy. This is a totally dysfunctional and pathological mindset if you ask me, but almost ALL parents from the East have it. Changing this mindset is NO easy feat, but I advise you do what you can to keep them happy without letting them disrupt your progression as a person (if they had it their way, you'd never develop as your own person - they will inadvertently raise you to be a useless moron by providing you with everything you need and telling you what to do).

So I suggest you try to find some sort of compromise - don't let your parents control you, and yet don't break their hearts.
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#57
Neil

Neil

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/29/2009 | Posts: 551

Tell your parents that it's YOUR life, and that you'll live it YOUR way. They got no right to tell you who to date and what religion you should or shouldn't practice. I don't know if you can move out, but that would be the best option for you.
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#58

berlinrsd

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/29/2009 | Posts: 734

I think  parents are the best ally you can have.They help you, but it doesnt mean you like them.

Go find another girl. Or lie to your parents. Or get rid of her.

In a few years, they won;t be able to say a thing, about what you do.

I know it's not cool. "Life isnt fair, deal with it, ha ha ha ha"  Mr Garrison in south park
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