THE FORUMS

July 20th, 2017
Transformation Journal
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LoveHandle*

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

 Night alone - Dj Ben Klock
I had my first beer with dinner.
I had been to the gym and decided upon sausages (beef/lamb) with salad.
That was 8pm.
At 9h30 (after meditation and 20 mins of blueprint) I take the bus to town.
Actually, I'm feeling pretty good.
My first beer out is at 10:20pm. I get it from the bar where it's happy hour. The server (hot chick) recognizes me.
Coffee too.

Drink beer. Share bread with a dude.
I drink water in between. Walking around town. Sussing things out.
took 40 chf out. spend 15 for club entrace. Had come with enough for coffee bread and first beer.
5chf for 2 more pints of beer (in a can)
i spent 10 in the club for a beer later.
4 for the bus ticket home.
5 for a shot in the club. I "found 4 chf on the ground" (went to another club and they gave me money for returning cups.)
2 on coat check.
That means I had 4 beers (+ one at home) and a shot of whiskey.

I did no approaches.
I got approached. I was smiling.
I did some approaches.
I was smiling.
After the first beer i went to another pub.
On the way out met this girlfriend i know who goes there. cool. I touch her stomach.
I had a glass of champagne. It was free from the club. But, it still counted in my "one per hour" drinks limit.
I was smiley.
At 11:30 I drink beer alone by the cathedral. I look up at the stars.
Nothing happens. I am excited with anticipation.
Back in club. I am smiley. Some people come up to me cuz I am sitting laughing alone. They ask what drugs I am on. I act normal.
Some gurls who say I tried to pick up one of thier friends talk with me. I escape to go drink beer. I say it's a rational process. I was truely not feeling good. I wanted to run.
Some dudes want to take picture with me. They ask what drugs I am on. I take picture with them. I look pretty cool.

Music is good. I am feeling vibe.
I am drinking water in between beers. RAS zoning on fucking guys.
I want interactions but I don't want to push it.
It's a grrrr-type moment.
I have a few short M-W intense openers/moments. It's good, but all stale.
I tell myself: "Trust... Trust... Trust."
I need to keep myself between self-amused and chill.
I keep going. Finally it's time for beer in the club. Whole night's process was based on pacing beer.
Feeling fun. Feeling party.
At 3:30 I get a shot and go street beast.
I walk around. BAM an approach. So hot. So good. YES ! YES ! ON teeth
Eeek -- Bus time. I decide bus. And BAM. It's a night.
Bus driver yells at me and I sit to talk to a McDonalds employee.
hahahahahahah. I come home and eat rice and capers. My party bus time arrive at the same as this other thing.. fucking hot bitches... That's what I want.


BEST APPROACH: Last one :-)
It's on. She's like: "Don't stick me". I'm like WTF.... hahaah. love in the night... I want that.

To improve: LESS DRINKING. GO HARD. GET BLOWN OUT HARD.

Two other things I did well: SELF-AMUSE. DRAWING STATE FROM WITHIN...

tounge
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LoveHandle*

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

 wheres my fucking self respect?
I feel like shit.
I just want be cool. I just want to hang out - being awesome.
I feel like i’m going to puke. i HATE THIS shit how it end like this and I have to rationalize everything. WHy can’t shit just go well?
Where are my fucking standard? WHere is my self-esteem? Fuck man. WAKE UP!!
I want the life that I can imagine. Gym body. Sharp mind. Cool vibe and awesome atmosphere.
I know I can create this. But i go to the bar and pace myself with beer. WTF. I know I dream bigger than this. Women like me for me. Why would I need to numb myself anymore. WAKE UP
I’m starting to feel gay. Why do I not get the result? I know noone else who puts this much effort into getting laid... and i still fucking come home alone. Why am I being such a bitch. Do I have to blind myself any longer. BE THE MAN. STEP THE FUCK UP. GO GET THE GIRLS WHO I FUCKING WANT IN MY LIFE. Why is it so fucking complicated? MOVE ON. Fuck the bitch.

Wake up cunt. I know how to do this shit. I still sit here and sulk. Wake up bitch. This is what I focus on. I want to fuck hot chicks. END. 1012011.
Win.
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LoveHandle*

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

 I worked tonight - got payed to party. didnt feel right to approach the clients. but i like the vibe and i know how to party
funny how when all's good --> all's good. not a care in the world; accepting, excited, and alive.
The biggest thing tonight was realizing "I don't need flash game when I can have real game."
I am enough can have real meaning now.
All the right stuff clicks into place. I am centered. I am grounded. I self-amuse and express from the core. Not reaction-seeking.
Clicking into perspective --> none of the "bad" ever mattered. That being said, I did do things like give my self the hand-in-cold-ice-for-20-seconds treatment when I found myself being a bitch. etc.
How could I qualify the groundless ground in any case? GOOD and BAD do not matter. Both are possibilites. Identitifying with either cause a disparity between both.
Flow with what the moment gives me.
Actually I almost didn't go to this job (I was an hour late and took the wrong bus.. that is, after the first bus never even came at all. I had thought about calling it quits)

The night I actually paced myself. Not too much alcohol, but a perfect 1 per hour. Everything went smooth.
I built rapport and communicated via emotional influence to the other bar girls. Spinhug behind the boyfriends back included. nothing vulgar. And leading leading leading (guiding her by showing it is safe to expand her comfort zone).
I am ok as I am. Totally unreactive to my words (on sexual reference)
Thank you teeth
An American waiting for the bus at 7am in rustic Switzerland; drinking coffee and calmy eating a salami sandwhich. Could I have ever imagined thisthumbs up
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LoveHandle*

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

 Club value is not real. Club value IS NOT REAL.
You know what is real ?
Good ol'-fashioned TnA. Tits and ass.
Dude, we're all in this for SEX.
Champagne-this, Cool Parties-that. The girls just want to get laid, Man.
Think about it. How much competition is there between girls?! REALLY.

Jesus Christ, Man. Pull out your dick every once in a while. There may be some fresh awaitsing you tounge
DURRR!

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LoveHandle*

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

 FULL freedom from outcome.
It's nice.
Lauching shit with bitches... 
YES teeth
Let's do this.
BIG WEEK --- MEDITATING.... 
YEAH. sussed.
About to pass out. 
I want to go out 2night.
Gotta keep the balance, Man.
Love
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LoveHandle*

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

TUESDAY NIGHT

went to club alone + of course sober.
many approaches. I cleared that place out.
fucking HOT (Paris) women
some nice blowouts cuz i stepped it fucking hard (HOTTTIIIESSS!)
An ice queen.

//seeing and feeling girl shit test and = qualify to me HARD


ran escalation ladder.
got through trench time
using girls names. 
ADD party chick wall slam. kiss lips.
befriended the room.
dogged persistence. went out.
approached with intent. was MAN to WOMAN.
self-amuse!! smile shades

MOMEMTUM to follow.
Pretty fucking awesome after one week of SILENT meditation. lol today was 24-hour day (4am-4am)
LIFE xx
thumbs up
 
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LoveHandle*

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

 met a chick 6pm for "getting a beer" - i don't drink. we went to the supermarket buy me groceries.
conversation smooth from the get-go. i'm right into it. conversational leading.
she cuts onions (crying) while i talk to my grandmother for 20 mins.
im totally not giving fuck bout her and forget shit (like make black tea when she asked for green, etc..) but i'm quick on my feet and congruent with shit.
she playershit tests me and is not too receptive to physicallity. i kiss her but it's more like escalation ladder kiss -- expression from me...
i'm in a new experience of territory for me. the logical maps i need more time to adjust. experience is king.
i totally switch on the vomiting mouthpiece. really -- i've never seem myself like that. i'm calling her "bitch" -- which is new for me.
i plow and cover like tetris
I'm noticing emotional waves.. and FLOW with it.
Pacing a little bit. saying - "leaving"... etc.
We talk honestly about stuff we like in the first part (I AM NORMAL) and then it's vomit, bitch, self-amuse.
I want to be even more MAN-WOMAN... and I get boner every time i touch her.
After dinner she take off slippers and i reluctantly lead her to play on the bed "it smells delicous in here"
we're getting close i like her body. nice nice.
POOF she leaves. not the first time a chick outed before SEXXX and prob not the last.
I am wondering if she thought I was too high-vaue for her... or if logistics bad cuz her work 2moro... or not ruin relationships cuz i fuked her friend twice... but dono...
i bring her back to logic from nonsense....... 
I WANT TO CLOSE, BRO.
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LoveHandle*

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

 Tonight I actually had a long conversation with ... omg "strangers"..!

I went to a thing where i had to wear a suit and tie .. then went to meet friend after. originally i felt nervious to go out after in the suit etc cuz i was short on time .. but i said FUK IT... and was great.
Earlier I saw a FUCKING HOT BABE. FUCKING HOT. did not approach. FUk!!! then God punished me by making me wait in line, and having me miss the chance to see an art show i wanted... i showed that guy! tounge engaging in conversation with strangers !! in the bar after. then the street. 
question of entitlement ::: how hot the girl is for you to be normal around her. 

i had hit the groove state. that's nice 
street approaches and the stars started to allign. then i ate ice cream and went to an educational movie.
fucking sweet bike ride home Paris midnight, after.


FOCUS ON: being myself.... and expressive about thoughts and emotions not seeming abstruse (when peple can't tell what I feeeeeeeel) EXPRESS. joy happiness, etc , internal emotional state

will meditate. 
much love.
Just LIKE yourself. PEOPLE LIKE YOU FOR YOU
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LoveHandle*

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

 Dinner with a friend -- FRIDAY!!
sober. yo. sharper, cleaner, brighter!
self-amuse, core confidence, being loud.
*street approaches, playful and fun.. expanding the party
*dominant authoritative, playful and smiling -- random girl on metro "sit you buttox down"
*next girl fucking hot: "DAMNN gurl, ur mother dress u like that".... BR tonality, look her up and down... eye contact eyes meet. pause with tension ... tension.   tnsion... after she sits across from me and friend. i'm blatantly checking her out. she gets up to get off at her stop. i'm like "fuk, damn, that gurl is hot....!! grr....." to my firend. the flicks me off from behind as she gets off... HAHAHAHAHAHA makes me so happy. pushing it hard yeah..
*i get off on my stop, see school girls i kno. BAM, neck bite.... lol. so on it's like boner times.
*next girl i kno ... she's like "when i see you?" .. i;m like "when u get home i come on your face bitch"...
hahaha i'm just RUDE. but laughing laughing laughing. i know who i am and how i hold my value
*bus stop. right on it. self-amuse self-amuse. it's a bit of FLASH game.. but when one girl runs away.. i recognize to slow it down and just have a conversation -- ACT NORMAL..... -- so it's more chill.
talking talking. it's no longer CONVEY value. I AM value. my presence is enough... ie: I AM, enough.
*fucking around wutf friend -- all good.
that's the key.... JUST BE HAPPY.... fuck around. have fun. nothing to go GET... fun, expression, present to the moment.
I can talk the TRUTH and still not flinch.
tonight was fun, fucking around. self-amuse. and the dinner itself was DELICIOUS.
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LoveHandle*

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

Quick post all good hard up on girls and chill street approaches. Do it. Do it. Fun
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