October 26th, 2016
Transformation Journal
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Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

 Night alone - dj ben klock

The night begins!!!
I almost had to force myself to go out. I seriously considered staying in.
On the metro ride town I started thinking negative thought loop "what is I don't get in?.. blah blah" and so I had to cut that loop and I was able to stay in the moment! victory!

Get in the club free entrance :D
I'm feeling good already. Do a walk around just to start feeling "at home". I DO. I'm shining. People feel it off me.

When the bouncer is not looking i sneak upstairs to the private club, and have fun in the smaller, more cozy environment. my own dancing. right attitude, i'm not self-conscious at all.
warming up the body, which in turn warms up the mind and is able to keep me more and more present.

Get back downstair. I think I talk to a few girls. nothing big. mostly just feeling good, like i'm on vacation or something. no stress, the club is a happy place.
Start dancing a bit. Moving around to different locations. Getting woo. less in head. more and more state.
I wrote down: "if I can see you its because you're attracted to me" = i guess thats a manifestation of delusional confidence mindset. :D
More dancing. walk off dancefloor to chill down and keep state coming from within, not just music based. then more dancing again later, always.. I'm maybe talking to some girls here and there. it's all good. just building up woo, momentum.
It hit's me. this is BIG. yet so simple. ready?

I'm just a normal dude.

That's it. It hit me all the sudden. Huge epiphany. Chode victim? Hah! nope. I'm at slate zero.
I even went so far as to shift perception so it's not a scale of coolness on vertical bars where one can be more high value than another... now it's a horizontal axis of cool. and guys and girls can be anywhere there. one is not better than the other. everyone starts the same.

Then by some sort of magic I hit UBERstate. fucking crazy. just pulsating. I was consciousness. no self to be conscious of. just pure consciousness. crazy. it is a feeling like no other. I did not want or need anything. I could even have chode-crystalled and probably still felt good. of course though, i kept in action.
there comes a fine line when you realize you are in state. because by realizing "i'm in state" you can tend to loose it. You have to really let it be and take its course, while still having the freewill to make choices. fine line where you can go to zero pretty quick.
ok. so that state was insane.

one hour before leaving, enjoying the dancing still. i get the urge to write:
I'm no dancing monkey entertain-her chode. This is me. I am a man, she feels it, and I take what I want.

really the whole night i'm not "doing" anything. this ties into how i'm just a normal dude. i get how chilling down, not worrying, letting the chips fall where they way, will all lead to huge state. you just go get out of your own way. all is good. you're just conscious, and not trying to do anything because you know your game is awesome and you're high value anyways. yea!! still building the momentum.

That was when i started to up the intent. I could feel my penis. then i'm asking it what it wanted. And boom. i still have the state (woo!), all is good, now new with added intent. Bam! BAM! Bam!
Every girl I would consider inserting penis into right then got a lashing. One girl fucking hated me. but i kept at it.. went back a couple times. she was grabbing me, holding me with force, all while yelling "fuck off"... but she wouldn't let go
so wow, i could really see how as long as you are higher value and have those emotions flowing, even the negatives create insane attraction.

but in the end..what happened? i didn't pull.
I could have started intent a bit earlier when i saw the crowd thinning.

Mostly there's an issue with boyfriends I have going on here. After throwaways, there were maybe 4 girls I was attracted to and would consider pulling. 3 of 4 had boyfriends WITH THEM. I know they were boyfriends because I talked to the girls... all of whom were chill btw. just that really they were on a night out with their boyfriends...
Now, just because I can fuck stuff up, and get the girl doesn't mean I should... tonight i didn't.
I'm having a sort of blocker here. The boyfriends were there.. so I didn't mess with it to them or whatever.. key is: I wouldn't want some guy to do that to me. I resolve that if the boyfriend is NOT there then it's fair game = because if shes out and flirty with me something up with their relationship anyway.

On the way home chill and chatted to a chick on bus. yes. good to have some extended verbal game going. it was really chill because over the night I had built up momentum. Logistics for a pull of that girl didn't work either.. no day 2 as she was from out of town and leaving.

*Take it easy. Chill. All comes in it's right time.
*I'm just a normal dude. level zero. I'm not a chode. I'm not a "Pick Up" guy.. NO IDENTITY
*Others can entertain her. I have intent. She can like it or not. But I don't care because it's already on the table.
*All my interactions happen spontaneously, by themselves. They come from a place of expression, of fun and good vibes. (not feeling like i need to try or do something EVER)

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Respected Member

Join Date: 11/09/2006 | Posts: 554

i like this post. you were outside of your head and were totally independant from the outcome. those are actually my favorite kinds of epiphanies -YOU ARE LORD.
- with the boyfriend thing; from my experience a lot of the girls will say that the guy they are with is their bf just so they don't have to worry about other guys coming up to them - it's not always the case - sometimes it may actually be their bf. which case, that doesn't mean you can't still hold the LORDNESS and approach and just be a cool dude. i wasn't there so i can't judge the situ - but make sure you ask yourself deep down, "am i not approaching couple sets because of pre-existing social bullshit I'm following?" - if that's the case, throw those beliefs away; you don't need them. branch out and learn to be comfortable with diff types of social situations.

"no one is taller than me"

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Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

 First night out back in paris. social club. saw: party harders!

didnt really feel like going out... of course
that seems to be a recurring theme.

took a disco nap.
quite nice.
still i had made a commitment to meet friend.
so when i make a commitment i stick.
only when i make a commitment to myself do i (sometimes) not stick to it.

yea its really really really cold out.

first went to this museum.
there was an amusement park deal inside.
theres where we decided to meet.
he was about 30 min late.. so i had my whole run of the place.
there was one set that i should have opened.. just for the fuck of it.
but i didnt.. ah well

i went on swing carousel by myself. pretty cool. got me in the moment.
when joao got there. first we did was handing upsidedown antigravity i dono what.
pretty cool.
it hung u upside-down from the top.

the we did kiddy haunted house lol. getting different emotions pumping.

a little talk about "what is game?"
and "what is the purpose of game?"
... questions in that domain.
nothing huge or epiphany-like came out of that session...

social club!
even in line i feel compelled to start talking to people.
now there is n impulse to get momentum flowing.
i have to just follow what is CLEARLY indicated.
its not that hard.. don't resist.

ok inside.
we start playing imitation game.
yea that pretty good.
im on.. or i think im on. whatever.
its good,
im crawling on floor. ancting like monkey. acting like pigeon..
haha fun stuff.
im so not bothered by this foolishness that it almost bothers me how im not bothered by the insanity i'm producing.
it really doesn't matter.
and it doesn't matter what people think of me.
but its not even a question of that anymore.
so yea i assume momentum is being built.

i cant think of anything HUGE happening.
just good stuff.
mostly dancefloor approaches.
im feeling good.
im being happy.

then THIS.
state, nimbus, woo!
it is a drug
it is a fucking drug.

it makes you god.

thats it.
with state, there is no game.
there is no game
everything is all good.
and you can and DO say whatever the fuck you want.
whatever the fuck you want.
it is a drug.
it's as potent as shit.
i know because i was sober.
1000% sober (since july, not even coffee: no stimulants or intoxicants deal)
not really many words.
just that the state works.
and yes. girls are just cute little puppy on the peripheral edge of your reality.
you feel so good.
you are the happiest.
you are are THE SHIT.
so Nimbus for the win.
it has to be experienced to be believed
it makes "the world" and "my story" or "my problems" OBSOLETE

alright. with nimbus first thing i did was grab a girl.. hehe. and play with my power. dancing.
it was fun.
the girls are helpless. i am just too powerful.
somehow its fun for her when its fun for me. interesting.
i didn't invent these things.

its really is a different perspective. a different paradigm.
a complete fucking shift.
and you'll KNOW when it happens.
it not like "oh?... am i in state???"
nah. EVERYTHING knows you're in state.
its pretty much the best feeling in the world. i feel like a drug addict.

in nimbus there is no time.
because in nimbus everything IS that moment.

it illuminated some of the greater possibiliies of man to me.
it shattered everything ive ever thought about reality.
it makes me question if there is a reality.
in nimbus i felt like everyone and i where characters in a dream
it is insane.
i have this HUGE power now.

everything takes care of it self.
and yes, getting girls IS an afterthought.

i dont feel like talking about all the sets, because there were too many.
by the end i was known.
notorious. and somehow just spreading good vibes.

big keys.
if i feel it (of a girl) and some of me is like "go, you should go"
but the other part doesnt want to get rejected or whatever. i go anyway.
i can think of three occations this happend tonight.
so good.
actually the one i was most scared of gave the best response (damn hottie, sweetness of grinding and kisses)

after i lost nimbus.. thats ok. i kept going still building momentum.
remind yourself: KEEP GOING.
and by the end i was fucking dangerous. not just internally like "mmm.. im dangerous"
im talking really dangerous. everyone knew i was dangerous.
like borderline rape.
any girls i saw who was hot enough would get fucking mauled.
her friends trying to pull her away: I DONT CARE
some chode trying to get in my way: I DONT CARE
one track mind. im here to get the pussy.

i think i overpushed it
(but hey if you dont overstep the boundaries, how do you even know where they are)
or i didnt have 100% belief it would work...

either way i didnt get killed. or even slapped.
close to it. hah

some guys fucking hated me.
fucking pushing me around and stuff..
i just ignored it.
ignore. no reaction. didn't acknowledge into my reality.

i set a boundary
"shut the fuck up. get the fuck out of my way".

alright. in the end. heres what happened. this night.
with best nimbus. with multiple kiss close.
later, huge dangerous intent.
was sooooo insightful.
huge. i am the shit.. if im not the shit it because im playing pretend to not be the shit.
basically, i can't not be the shit.
not being the shit is denying what/who i really am.
reality is awesome. the world is a light place.
with nimbus the world is something so different from how i normally see it. really shift to different paradigm.
im hooked.

didn't close tonight: what the fuck.
i feel like my "work" even though it was all fun (and play) DIDNT PAY OFF.
so its like wtf.

i deserve my ten.
i deserve the girl of my dreams
i deserve the girl to put down her guards and let herself bloom
with us together creating something magical like disneyland all over again.
i want to fuck the shit out of her.
i want my hard dick in her soft, warm vagina.
and i know she wants it too.

i still feel like im "doing" too much. even though i wasnt doing much because it was all fun. and amusing,
huge amounts of self amusing happend tonight.. the whole night was about that.
just a little frustrated that i might have to rethink some things. i want to close.
i desire this. and if anyone in the club. I deserve this.
i am the coolest guy there anyhow.

in the club i feel so good that i dont feel the need to close.
but then on the way home... alone. its like: damn, i should have closed.
i deserve to be able to go to a club. amuse myself and do what i want. have the girls thing be an after thought. not "doing" anything. "doing" makes me sick.
and as a natural outcome to the night just because  of who i am  (social, fun, don't give a fuck) leaving with the most attractive girl (from my eyes) from that club. everytime. 

its not hard. i dont see it as hard.
thanks ozzie: when i was doing the hard core intent stuff. i thought about you. like "go back, run the train, CLOSE!". repeat.
thanks for all the "techniques" guys. theyre really fun when your coming from a state of woo!
really the techniques are more crazy/creative ways to self-amuse. that is all.
techniques aren't getting the girl. the girl likes me for me.

this is not even a complete report but i think i covered the main epiphanies.
there was a really cool prgression to the night. building momentum, hitting state. being state for a while.
having the intensity of state natuarally taper down and the intent build through the roof.

yes i have to "push myself" to get it all done. but really its not at all hard. and it pretty fun.
wheres the close now?

i have to be more serious about the close.
really im frustrated to go through all this shit just for the privelege of putting my dick in some random hole.
fuck i know theres an easier way.

well the path continues.
i dont know anything anymore,
i think something big happened tonight.

just keep going anyway.
burn and keep going.

and remember the nimbus always feel like the "first time" because there is no time (only one [time] is during nimbus).
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Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

Alright. things are good.
I just gotta keep pushing myself and sculpt my game.. piece by piece.
what i was doing tonight i see would have yielded bathroom pulls..
alright so i still feel scared.
but really i just gotta get those "rejections" out of the way quickly.
like right from th start.
no choding around...
no "building momentum" bullshit.
approach.. approach. get them under the belt, then i can chill.
ok so the going out sober thing now is a non-issue.
actually i think it's an advantage... sometimes i forget im sober. and it fucking shocks me.
i get my friend and myself some bona fide backstage passes. fuck yes.
just went in there. lol. and later on asked the guy for bracelets...
somehow it worked out. dono. but was awesome.
back there is not different.
i used to ask: "what do kEwL people talk about?"
lol.. normal shit. probablly even more normal then random self-hating insecure chodes.
cool people just talk authentically.
and oh wait.. I'M COOL TOO.
yes, thats right. i was having some philosophical discourse with my friend back then and every one was feeding up into that reality.
like yea man so i did like have the dominate frame of all the "cool" people in the entire club.. (wow man your so awesome i wish ii could be morel like you :O)
hahahahahaahaha IT'S no BIG deal.
just be yourself.
alright whatevs. yes backstage passes did get me pumped up and state was like *cha-ching* !!!
(which is kinda cool, because it all happened naturally, it didnt feel out of place to be backstage... so it's not like i cheated or tricked my way in there or anything.. like i really deserved to be there.. kinda funny, eh?)
with state i opened some chick by biting her hair from behind.. she was all like "are you crazy?" .. and i just straight out answered "yes." without thinking. i was congruent with it. and she was kinda friggen stalking me for a bit after that.
authenticity is king.
not really much else noteworthy.
i danced around like retarded sociopath = having fun.
yea fun.
then towards the end i went back into the backstage. had an ear and some eyes in the conversation about current world rap/hip-hop dynamics.
drank some apple juice.
went back out to dancefloor.
fucking opened every girl with a fine skinny tight ass body.
like crazy opened. including picked three girls up, ozzie style.. directly going for make outs...
nothing bad happend.
some cock blocks. some ran away. two times amoged.
mostly: i put in physicality.. she pushes back and get away via physicality.
still feel like i was too reaction dependent.
they got away if they needed to. so it's not like times or anything
i could tone it down (or slow it down?) a little bit and add some more intensity.

yea in future i'll just let it happen on its own.. if it comes out, fine. so not push it, push it
hit some pretty good mega-state.. not transcendental and shit like some other times.. but fucking good anyways.
for future nights: before going out,  think of an area i want to focus on
then always @the begining of the night... do my approaches.
and then just chill and play it by ear.
focus on that area i want.
llike set goals or whatever (ex: make out with a blond girl).

ok so tonight i did get a peck with this american chick, cute little one.
mostly i learned that everything comes from within.
i have the power to become who i want.
and that ALL my inhibitions are in my head.

i have to congratulate myself because i did alot of approaches. and that's the only real goal..
not much sustained conversation.. but hey.. big picture goal: i'm out to fuck..  right? lol i can get to know her after.
also i was just having fun walking the path tonight...  no sex in mind, path for the sake of path, twas fun.
(even forgot to take a condom out with me tonight and had jacked off quite a bit in the 36 hours prior)

i think my friend had a good night. he had 2 long sets with hotties. and the second one he was getting all cherishy with... making out on the sofas and stuff. i'm crossing my fingers that he pulled. GO! 
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Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

 Tuesday. vacation in montreal. by myself. bar/club.. ladies night!
the first victory is the fact in itself i actually went out.
because i get that feeling often, where i think.. oh well.. i dont HAVE to go out...
but i do. and i am thankful in retrospect that i have.
rocking the new leather jacket! but i feel scared. i feel alone. and the 3.5km walk to the club is a dreadful one.
i see passing people, having fun, and i feel lacking.
ok well. i get to the club, and at least it looks full. and at least there are girls... and hot ones!
I'm in! bouncers look tough.
upstairs filed through a maze like a cow on his path through the slaughterhouse.
oh damn.. not enough money to get in! i have 5 and the entrance is 7. and asking blatantly for 5 to be enough doesn't advance me.
oh well, back out and to the atm.
ok im in. well at least the coat check is free.
I promise myself to do three sets before i even give the club a walk around, get a water, go to the dancefloor, or hit the bathroom.
fine. I do them. first couple sets just make me feel like im talking outloud to no one. not engaging her.. just talking.
whatever.. that's called warm up...
ok well. the momentum got flowing. and even though over the course of the night i did have to force myself to approach sometimes (like if i had gone to the bathroom and hence hadn't been interacting for 3-4 mins.. later on i even talked to guys in the bathroom), mostly the approaches just came natuarlly. a lot.
In anycase, I hit the dance floor. really not yet calibrated.. really not yet on...
i approach the hottest girl.
shes fucking bitchy. and without me even doing much she's all like: "FUCK off.. i know the bouncer"....
i want to push it.. see if it's a shield or whatever.. and keep dancing there for maybe only a second... and well, i know it's not going anywhere.. so i leave.
I go get a water from the bar. bartender is so nice, so what is even with ice and a lemon in it.
I'm dancing around a bit. more approaches. trying to work on just being chill. i even put my free hand in the pocket to get myself to calm down. hit the smoking patio outside to check it out and further calm back down.
back inside and BOOM, right away.. bouncer. "Come with me"...
um.. ok. what the fuck? anyway. im chill about it... cuz i didn't do anything..
but I'm brought to the back exit.. and told to "wait here"...
well what do you ya know..?! one of the bouncers comes up and is all like "you have to leave.. my friend blah blah.."
so the girl wasn't bullshitting after all. quick to my wits.. i say: "oh shit.. actually i thought it was a friend of mine.. that's i grabbed her arm.. but it turned out she wasn't.. my bad.. no harm done.. sorry man".
phew. i'm past that one.
ok so the night built from there...
still approaching. going out the smoking balcony.. really wanted to work on being chill. being able to have a conversation...
no discriminationg in who i talk to.. but preferably hot girls.. im even talking to guys and fatties tho.. just being social.
no magic, no show... just trying to be me express myself. and mostly just trying to get OUT OF MY HEAD!
then well.. i'd hear a song i like and boom, back to the dancefloor.
one one point i hit some state: just that there is no goal.. you never "get there" and so it's just a process. and at that moment "I am enjoying this; this, that is all there is"...
quite nice and liberating.
So I'm a source of fun, positive energy.. getting myself pumped up and, consequently everyone around me.
sometimes trips to the bathroom... other times back outside. all of which to keep the state at a calm level.
it was fun. i was having fun. eventually i start singing "Happy Birthday.." to myself every 5 mins to keep un-stifled. really.
all is good. i'm even sweating.. so nice.
outside again. now people are asking me questions. becoming notorious. everyone in the fucking club had seen me.
got it? state was flowing.. but i still had my mind. all well.. just trying to keep chill. and then sometimes busting up the dancefloor.
I am alone, remember.. so of course talking to people along the whole way.
now, the club closed in a little more than an hour, and i notice the dancefloor's female population thinning out...
ok, moving around the dancefloor. talk to this other girl.. it's going real good. this is a dancefloor set.. but somehow we hear eachother.. she joins in to sing the happy birthday to myself.. turns out it's her bother's birthday.. haha. i tell him we just sung it together... everyone's disarmed and happy fun people... the girl is into me.. good touching.. it's really on. then the whole group of them leaves.. but i guess im not hooked enough yet for her to stay absolutely with me.... of well.. it's was pretty lovey with her.
ok it's caveman time! caveman mindset. seeing girls curves. i literally just stood somewhere and concentrated on my dick, looking at girls' curves and really get in the mood to have them riding my cock. it litteraly starts looking to me like all the girls are there just cuz they want to fuck.. and they dance like they would while with my dick in them.
ok, i'm ready.
i see a hot girl. boom boom boom. it's on. i am leading deluxe.. she's into me. i take her to the dancefloor. yea. then *poof* she escapes: "my boyfriend's right here"...
alright. some other girl. fucking nice curves. thinking of fucking her, how she's ride me.
bam bam bam i'm in.. then i get "you're too young for me.." damn, knee-jerk makes me go flat... but hey.. what's good is i was putting out the "im here to fuck" vibe, and she didn't find it creepy... actually she tested me, wow.. to see the strength of my reality!! future i should keep pushing it. damn that girl was hot.
ok yea, im on. i see this girl.. we had been having eye contact the whole night. boom i grab her arm. take her the dancefloor. grinding. i feel my self teetering.. dono if i can keep the frame.. pull her ass into my crotch... down down towards the floor... nice. damn i'm digging her groove into me. fucking love her body. time for makeout!
but.. i should have been trying to get myself hard.. because.. even though it was on.. when i went to kiss her.. it caught her off guard, and she went *poof*. our lips had touched.. *CLANK*.. barely.. as she's leaving i catch a glimpse of her braces...
oh well.. more dancefloor. some walking around.. not much...

ok now.
OUT OF NOWHERE. i get GRABBED by TWO bouncers.
fuck, they're not playing.. oh shit.. i'm at the principle exit.
by this time i've already taken out my coat check token.. i know i'm getting kicked out.. for something...?!
i don't know what i did. maybe they thought that my behaviors over the course of the night was too excited..?... just my time to go? i was ready to leave anyway though. so i'll just go. get my coat and go.
"is this him?!!" i hear. oh.. the girl with the braces.
ah fuck it.. "ok ok, i'm sorry".. i'll just leave..
but no, no. i'm not going... fucking angry tone: "Ey, what happened?!"
i answer: "well we were grinding pretty pretty close... so i went for the kiss"..
lol, not ood enougt... i hear: "oh?! u think this is funny"
i'm THINKING: "wtf?! there is not even no much as a smirk on my face.." but rightly i keep quiet...
my mouth speaks.. "no, no. i'm going. i dont think this is funny. i'm just going to get a taxi and go home. i'm sorry."
but i need to get man handled first.
i dont hear or see much.. just i feel the punches. fuck. to the head, in the ribs.. oh yeam fun now he wants me on the ground..
"get down!"
fuck, he grabs my hair and pulls me down, his boot on my head. i'm kicked in the ribs. fucking winded.. and it hurt.
so no i'm like a dog getting abused.. yikes.. nothing to do, i dont want to get knocked out. i dont want to have anthing broken.
so at the next kick i play up the reaction at bit. give it some leg shaking.. some screams.. but seriously it hurts.. and his foot is still on my head.
yikes anyway. coat thrown at floor to my face.
"leave.. get up"/// like going though a washing machine.. the whole night WAS like a slaughterhouse..

and i'm outa there... bruised rib.. that's all. wow, and i REALLY didn't do anything. i guess i had it coming just for the last couple years of retarded shit i've gotten away with..
i just get out though in the street, feeling like fire...
it's raining. and now i feel fucking good. not even angry.. just resolute.
yep, now i'm really on.. like subtle state deluxe. like: "i can get through ANYTHING"
i just KNOW...

so i'm walking back. everyone notices me. i'm radiant.
i get some food. noodles and springrolls.. a $3.5 thing.
even some conscious chit chat with the guy serving food. so it's not just role (chef) vs. (serving role) me (customer).. like stupid weather chit-chat.. but it's meaningful.. we recognize eachother as conscious human individuals.
eating food. and the road home. random girl say: "hi" to me.. damn i must really be on.
that's it.
i get home..
done. filed away.. next... ah well that was an adventure!!! life.
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Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

Alright.. i'm going to make this quick because i'm tired and i have blue balls, so it hurts.. yikes.
saturday. paris. went out to late dinner 10h30pm with parents and grandmother.
done by 12 only, so full stomach of lebanese good to go to club.
i meet up with friend and his friends and we all go to social club.
ahhh.. it's nice to be back in paris.. feels a little more like home :)
yes. get in the door and feelin bouncy... uppity and boppin to the music.
cover. coat check.
i remember turning to my friend saying: "hey dude.. this beggining is the part i hate the most. ah the nervous feeling. meh i wish i could just choose to be a chode tonight.. it would easier haha)
anyway. be dive in.
and boom i'm in set right away. i do three sets before even allowing myself to walk around, get water etc...
this is working well.
no anxiety...
just go go. and didn't feel like a stretch.. as in: it's in my reality.
i had to take a shit.. so i did.
ha, oddly that in itself was out of my comfort zone.
after wahing hand i had to mentally think about needing to do an approach to keep momentum going.
at one point i stops approching and sorta started dancing. but the tim "after 20 mins.. the i'm WOOO! for life" popped up so i forced myself t ocontinue.
it's true.
just keep going. btw i was feeling like SHIT the whole time. sick.. because of dinner and a sore throat
ok so the night was good. i think a approached mostly everyone there... some longer conversations which is good. and about by 2am or maybe before i started getting more sexual.
one girl i danced with go me hard. and i used that... like "it's not me.. i didn't DECIDE to get hard... it happened.. i'm attracted to you.. there's nothing i can do" pointing to my dick and all.. haah. think i even took her hand there to touch it.
a while in, i was all like "ok... i wana go makeout with some chick..."
so i do.
cutie. and yes. i get hard again.. nice.
that doesnt do anyway.
and tonight i'm being persistance deluxe and really noticing that the use of BR keeps peoples attention. yes! (first hand experience under the belt.. let's make this CLICK)
one girl was really into me.. and instead of "trying to look good, and not fucking up..." i went for it.. no outcome came of it.. but damn now i had my answer and could stop wasting time.
another girl turned out to be a lesbian.
one girl wouldent dance with me.. but she wouldnt let go. she was clawing onto my shirt and pulling.. letterally WOULD NOT let go. wow. and i just kept at it and at it. she was still there... so i continues.
well calibrated tonight.
other girls my friend and i went up. total intentions clear. i was persistent and congruent. important: CONGURENT! and she they didnt want to leave, even if they didnt want to dance with me!
ok so theres this blond girl again the i point out dick to.
she sitting. i go talk. it's on. it's ON.
eventully i think enough it's going to happen.. so i go buy a condom.
she's really hot with super tight body.. wow, nice. really.
alright she's here .. but getting drunk. and doesnt believe i'm american.. because my "french is so perfect"...
really she wouldnt make out with me until showed her 2 ID cards.. then she chased me like hell.. wtf?!
(she told me somethign about a french guy tricking into thinking he was american as a tactic to pick her up.. seems to fuck her
then i saw her making out with another guy and i got furious. came straight in and broke it up... that me being the man that i am.
she didnt even speak english .. so most of it was throught pure expression anyway, me telling stories in english .. (words dont amtter for shit)
in the end i but that wall right uo in her face.. all like *get real*.. "i'm serious", "cut the shit".
other chode were hitting on her. but because my aura was so much stronger, they just LEFT. dont have to "deal" with them at all.
she knew really clear what was up. and she would leave the club with me. really. couldnt get foo cuz her firend would trust her or some bullshit...
even tried for the bathroom pull...
nothing. nothing. i was VERY persistent (not creepy) and breaking rapport.
after igot my coat.. i even went BACK and tried again. nope.
sometime it just doesnt work. i think she was maybe 18/19.. so as i did lay out the choice REALLY clearly (ur coming with me.. this is a team thing, us together OR u can stay here. keep getting drunk be validated by makingout with a chode of the dancefloor)...
i've very prout to have been able to speak to her on that level. and i could see a change in her demeanor, something more real and relaxed. she put down the guard for a brief while...
that's it. i was't doign anything. being furious from seeing her with that other guy helped on an emotional intensity level. that's it. i was just social. and the thing was fun. being. living it. that was how "being a player" is. no regrets for not having closed because i went all in on that hand. and the whole night very direct to everyone (especially her). people knew what my deal was. and i was 100% congruent with it.
all you need is one girl. and it might be the one who was bitchy and kicked you off at first. yea i made out with that hot bitchy one by the end. i have to keep remembering the long way i've come! congratulations!
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Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

went to this lounge (Bedroom) with some friends for just a drink. nice table for us. and i notice these two hotties at the table next to us. after 10mins i realize it was this chick i had hit it off with (and spent more than 2-3 hours with) from another night two months ago (where she got way too drunk.. because she was with her friends. and eventually i just left.. without even a number.. but we had really hit it off and shes HOT)
anyway shes at the next table over. so i sorta lean over while my three friends are saying something thats involving only the three of them and look to her with a clearly amused, quizzical expression on my face. at first her body language is all like "omg.. is he looking at me?". I go "Hey!?" with cocky smile (NR/BR). "you're GirlX.." and we reestablish that we know each-other, sub-communicatively. Alright so i'm in still chilling with my friends. after that moment we had she gets up and go to the bar.. still all in my frame of view. im feeling excited cuz i know i'll have to approach soon after she sits back down. i'll wait till i cant take it anymore. hehe :D cuz that's when it's right to go. not even a thought.
(we hadnt even been talking about her and) my friend tells me that she checked me out on the way back to her table. that's always good :)
of course now it's time to go over. i still feel the "exciting feeling inside" but now it's more of an "ok ok i KNOW i HAVE to go over" like i couldn't not go over: this is GOOD!!
so i just approach. that's the success! seriously, i'm not some fucking chode.. chodes DON'T do approach.. geez how many times am i going to have prove it to myself?! wink
and anyway it went well. they were sitting on two chairs facing the room and i sat on table facing them. i know logistics were not best. but that was what worked (becaue i didnt want to sit [only other option] on the outside of one of the chicks.. or the other would feel isolated). it was ok actaully. and kinda had some "BOOM" factor stepping over and sitting on the table. seriously i was pretty comfortable. i didnt feel like my body language was trying for rapport (because the SELF is always coming through). that what's important.

idle chit chat. just rekindling. i was honnest and open and took the frame. talking about my day. saying who i was with and whatever blah blah. not trying.
then i ask for the number. it's totally not smooth haha. like i just direct ask out. in front of friend. but i asked in english and she didnt undetsatand me. so i ask again. in french. a bit of fumbling. BUT IT WORKS. she was all like. "just give me ur number" (but not in a bitchy way)
and i was like "".
somehow she had the idea to take of her phone for me to "give her mine". i took the phone put my number in and called.
subtely her friend is all like "tu t'es fais avoir" ("he got you") with a smirk as if i didnt understand french haha. The chick was really into me. So, that's their PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY (it just happend... he took my phone) that's why i'm leading BIATCH. made sure to save my name up in there with the number. in terms of "kino" thinking back.. just normal and natural. enough. fine, and no thought put into it: natural. i had remembered her name.. and asked for a clarification to remember how to spell it. because i feel like it show some integrity, like i ACTUALLY care. i do.
then, of course, i remember to stay longer after the number close. and actually the interaction got pretty "smotth" if you will. as in I felt very comfortable. i would say something/anything: little anedote bout places i liked to go out or were i went today (two-three sentences) and they would vibe off that. ie: REACTING. eventually i move back over to my friends and i'm seated on a cube halfway between my friends and the girls. my body is facing the same direction as the girls (parallel) now.. rather than facing the girls (sitting on their table). it's more like an over the shoulder thing now (almost).. and its a good transition back into my friends. very smooth i might say :p i'm sure it felt to them like i could pull away at any moment. she was full reacting to me, like a chode.. and shes fucking HOT. bonafide. like what i like. she would react to even the slightest anything i say.. and did. (but i can imagine that she'd pull this away at some point to see if i'd still lead). anyway, then the circumstances lined up correctly, one of my friends had gone down to smoke. another had payed the bill. the third was still sitting there by herself.. i'm talking to my friend now. and with the two-set still intermittently and our group left soon after (of course i gave them kisses, the three cheek things over here in switzerland.. nice i like that!!). fucking perfect. and i was pulsating. but lol i had to act for my friends like everything was normal (cuz THIS is how i am ALL THE TIME.. come on integration. come on internalization. i'm not gonna wait for you guys! ).. and we never even talked about it. good. on the street (walk to a friends place) i was pulsating literally and BOOM there's state. relief. it's nice to BE ON!!! i notice that i tent to be VERY value giving when I'm on. its like "I feel SOOOOO good, why shouldn't everyone feel like this!"
later that night (met her at 10:20.. this was 11:40) I sent her a text: "It was nice to see you". felt like that was right, kept contact going. im not expecting a reply (cuz she was going out for a crzy night of clubbing..  and her phone might be in a clutch where she doesnt see it till after the club... at which point she'd have gotten a lot of validation from the club that night.. so it's not priority to respond to a text.. and at that point i dono what state she'd be in anyhow, thats why i sent the text early) I'm probably over-thinking it... .. but i'll send something else in three days.

Respect. keep going!
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Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

Talked to a really hot girl from school today for like 25 mins from bus stop to metro stop.
She has the frame all asking questions and stuff. all i had to "try" to do was answer in statements and stuff not to get sucked in. but i could feel the tension... and i felt myself getting all weird or whatever. but then things got cool and i loosened up and owned the shit out of her/the conversation. i was expressing myself and we were vibing. i could feel the bubble around us, ie, cut of from "out there" world. and excitement from interchange was rising. (heated debate about old soul vs new soul). no thought, and i noticed that naturally i began to take up more space (foot up on seat). she was interested in what i had to express, that was value i was offering. I wove a string of commonalities for us to bounce off of and between.

for now it's just getting to a point where i feel FULLY comfortable to express myself for who i am. (in every type of imaginable situation, "I" am the constant.. the world reacts to me, my house, my story)

After we parted ways i wrote an iPhone note:

"My awkwardness is not contrived. It's ok. I like myself for who I am; I can relax now. Just push through "the bullshit" and be FREE! Enjoying this"

also i've been trying to end things on a high note. this case did end that way. KEEP IT UP MAN.
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Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

Is it REALLY that hard?
I see normal guys walking around with cute, attractive, affectionate girls.

I'm like WTF?!
The thought loop goes: I'm a "normal guy". I'm even "better than normal"; I have more to offer than "normal".
How do I "get" these girls? Is the cause and effect skewed? What is going on? I REALLY DON'T understand.

It's Paris here. This city is BEAUTIFUL nowadays. And, girls are EVERYWHERE.
I would love to have an angel even for just the summer. Every heard of "Summer Love"?

someone to share with. someone to spend time with. someone to love and make love to. Someone to teach, someone to learn from.

The "girls thing" just seems like it shouldn't be a big deal. Why should I have to poor SO MUCH energy into this? There are SO MANY girls. What is going on here?!

I'm confused because I feel like I deserve that simplicity. This is life.. I mean "Come on!".
This is just some crazy life thing that we have no idea what it is. Why not make it fun, light and playful.

I hear the back of my mind saying: "you know this is NOT going to make you HAPPY man. You have to be self-sufficient. You are enough, you suffice."

So more more more...?!! I always want more more more, it's never enough. I'm trying not to beat myself up over this now.

But, the inside of me starts to cringe when I feel it: "I DESERVE these lovely girls".

Why not me?

I see that MAYBE the concept of "having" or "getting" the girls is what's messing me up here. But does it really have to be broken down to such mirco-detail? Do I really have to analyze and "figure something out" in order to get myself into a situation where I am spending time with attractive women, sharing with and relating to them; a situation where we enjoy each other's presence and being? Is all my effort futile? Maybe I should just relax.

But, I feel like I NEED affection. And, I'm not getting it. It's killing me.
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Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/28/2007 | Posts: 3014

You are coming from a scarcity mindset.  When you see some chode with a hottie it should make you HAPPY.

It's like "YES!  There's another hot girl!  They are everywhere!  I can't wait until I get one too!"

Send positive signals to the universe that you believe women are abundant.

I normally wouldn't go this fluffy into this type of shit, but I know you can handle it and it is important.  It's a subconscious training technique used in wealth building as well.

Other than that, go out and talk to shit tons of girls.  But MAKE IT FUN!

This isn't serious.  Just go up, smile and say hi, and let things fall into place.

If they don't, wash rinse and repeat.

Women ARE everywhere.
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Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

 Thanks BRAD! did abundance "challenge/experiment" for five day consciously where literally every hot girl i'd see, i'd repeat: "YES! There's another hot girl! They are everywhere! I can't wait until I get one too!" seriously.
after the challenge ended i did it just by default/habit, especially the big loud "YES!" part. basically affirming hot girls into my reality
also i took some tyler audio and have been listening to it on loop. audio repeats (tyler's voice): "this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. she really does already like you. that's kinda what's crazy, is when you realize that girls like you... then they like you." (kinda gets trippy after a while, listened to it getting groceries, on metro, fucking everywhere. every night i'd fall asleep with that shit on. trying to get it deep deep into the subconscious.)

well anyway whats cool is i pulled from club last night. went out alone. this chick lives ON beachfront lake geneva and we had 15 hours of fun times. amazing
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