THE FORUMS

December 11th, 2016
The "focus on the things I can control" challenge.
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Shazam!

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Join Date: 10/01/2008 | Posts: 1294

It is what it sounds like.  The only way I'm going to have the energy necessary to get a flying pace going on my goals from the near halt I'm at presently is to focus EXCLUSIVELY on the things I can control... none of that "almost exclusively" crap.  If some shit happens I will only focus on changing my behavior in response to it instead of fretting over the shit.  The net effect will be the same anyway, just less helpless behavior.

I made a little mental list of the things I can control should I need some pointers to the obvious (or somebody else may).

-My actions
-My thoughts
-My belief system
-My response to situations
-My emotions, to some extent... failing that, back to my actions.
-My state of 'consciousness'.. ie present, in my head.
-What my goals are/ my plans
-My behavior (genuine, not as impression managing 'acting'.)

That's about it.  That is ALL I am going to focus on for the next... let's say, 2 weeks.  It may be there is a need for some balance, but I'm going to find out by going full on this mindset, as much as possible instead of 'dipping my toes in the water'.

For further clarification, a list of things that are NOT under your control.

-People's opinions of you, or their belief systems
-The outcome... no matter how good you are at something, the outcome is NOT under your control... just your actions, no matter what your success rate is.
-The random happenings of life, the uncertain parts of the future (what will happen, basically.. so outcome again.)
-The past.
-Focusing on something you want to change rather than the actions you want to take to change it.
-Occasionally, emotions.  They're kind of like events.  You can only focus on what you'll do about them sometimes.  So.. just watch them and either stop what you're doing if you realize you really don't want it (usually not a problem with presence... no getting caught up in an 'unconscious (aka thoughtless) stream of thought and doing something weird), or pay attention to them, and proceed.

If I find myself focusing overly on any of these in this latter catagory I will IMMEDIATELY start focusing on the things I can control again.  I'll keep a log of how it goes, but if you wanna try it, I recommend you just do it instead of waiting... honestly not even sure why I want to update... accountability, I suppose.  I'm pretty sure this is going to give me the fuel I need to get MASSIVE ACTION going, though.  I can already see results just having tried it out for 10 minutes whenever I catch myself doing otherwise.
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#1
markzor

markzor

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Join Date: 11/25/2009 | Posts: 734

 How is this working for you? Seems like an interesting thing to keep an eye on. I myself find myself constantly monitoring if I am resisting or not, feeling lack, etc. If I am feeling emotions, what emotion that is, and try to let go by accepting it. 
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#2

Shazam!

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Join Date: 10/01/2008 | Posts: 1294

Ugh, to be honest, I forgot about it for a few days there.  But I like it, definately helps jump start the proactivity.  If you're in your head, you don't resist it from this mindset, but either get present, or if that 'presents' a problem to you, do something to get out of it and unstifled, or both.  Basically, while you still keep an eye on your situation, the emphasis is on YOU and what you can do about it rather than how you'd like things to be different.  No resistance, no distractions. 

Still looking into dealing with emotions.  To be honest, I'm fairly numb to them about 50 percent of the time.  It's better than the 90 percent of the time a few months ago, though.  Just always always make the focus on what you can control, on what YOU can do rather than wanting the situation to magically be different, that's the important part of this post if you didn't gather it.  The method of dealing with emotions can definately help, but it's kinda secondary here.

I'll be keeping a vague log starting now.
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My mindset and reading list.

I say evolve, and let the chips fall where they may.
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#3

Shazam!

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Join Date: 10/01/2008 | Posts: 1294

Well, these mindsets are alot to remember.  I think I'm just going to copy my sig into notepad and give it a version number every time one changes/give it a glance when I wake up, because I keep forgetting one or two of them.... maybe I should just commit them to memory. 

The "focus on the things I can control" component  is definately one I'm going to have to integrate, but I think I'm not going to keep a log on it until I get my FR thread up and running, which looking at the logistics (I'm not at my own place and would rather not make a habit of pulling to my dad's house, though it could be done.), won't be for a few months here, but then again I may start like next week and just pull to the girls' houses, depending on the amount of extra time/energy I end up having while putting out applications like a madman, working out, and meditating regularly. 

The log in this case would probably have little purpose except keeping me accountable, and honestly, not a very good job of that.  I would say I'm more driven by being fucking TIRED of not taking responsability for my life than I am by keeping the (probably small) audience I've got here satisfied, and the value is in the above posts anyway.  If you've read the above, and have decided to watch this thread before you give it a try (not my cup of tea, but not outside the realm of possibility), to see the log and 'play it safe', fucking don't.  Experiment with it at all costs, and see where it gets you.  Increased proactivity will result.  

Note that the above doesn't mean you lack goals, but that you are more action oriented than 'hope' oriented, and you don't get all bent out of shape over stuff  you couldn't control.
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My mindset and reading list.

I say evolve, and let the chips fall where they may.
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