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July 24th, 2017
Is wanting to lose my virginity probably the thing that is holding me back?
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Kal0051

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/09/2009 | Posts: 581

K, well if any of you guys have read one of my other threads then you'd know I'm a 25 year old virgin (a bit embarassing but whatever). I think I've been really self-conscious about it, and wanted to lose it bad. So I asked out every girl I would meet, with all of them turning me down. It even got around my work(me asking out every girl, not the virgin thing, no one knows that), with one of the guys I work with asking me if I was trying to date all the girls there (but then again, he's an ass). I made it a priority to find a girl to fuck, but never found one (almost fucked this one girl but shit happened and it never happened). And I'd get disappointed when I'd fail with a girl, and I'd let it get me down.

Right now I'm trying to concentrate on others things, like my exams coming up and I'm trying to buy a new car (if anyone on here has a new 2010 Mazdaspeed 3 let me know how you like it). But I'd still like to lose my virginity. It's not a priority since I realize that it'll probably take a long time before it happens (or I just get lucky, maybe over christmas break). Anyway, for my question, is my wish to fuck some girl giving off vibes that are turning girls off?
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#1

Emericana

Junior Member

Join Date: 11/12/2008 | Posts: 8

yeah man it is. i essentially did not loose mine till a few days before i turned 23 (i got laid once when i was 18... then had a four year hiatus). throughout those four years, every day i obsessed about getting laid. now I get laid multiple times/day (gf) and looking back on thouse four years, if i had just chilled out, and not really worryed about it, and focused on being who i wanted to be and having a fun time, I would have gotten laid. for me, getting laid is a result of having a great time with yourself and being confident with yourself. it is natural when you are actually enjoying yourself. just calm down, relax, and dont be too desparate about it. just focus on joking around and flirting with women with the end result being finding someone cool who you can relate to, not just someone to fuck.

trust me, I KNOW this is MUCH MUCH easier said than done. but work at it and you will get it.
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#2

Kal0051

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/09/2009 | Posts: 581

I have calmed down over the last few weeks. I've stopped asking out every girl, I do ask girls to hang out but I make it more of a social thing than a date (no one's been able to hang out though with exams and such). There are 2 girls I do like. One of them just got out of a relationship and I took her not returning my calls as being not interested when she wasn't in a good mood and wasn't talking to anyone. I deleted her number when I didn't hear from her in 2 days but added it back when we spoke earlier this week and she told me that she was just bummed out last week. So I'm just giving her tons of space and will probably call her in a week or 2 and try to plan something with her (I'll take her out and show her a fun time). And the other girl probably isn't interested because she's already turned me down once and "forgot" that she had plans for the day we were supposed to be hanging out (maybe she did have plans, maybe she didn't).
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#3
Synyster

Synyster

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Join Date: 04/09/2008 | Posts: 1502

It seems that you are outcome dependent. I noticed that last nite when I went out.

I haven't gone out in like a month at all and last nite, i got blown out like it was the 4th of july but then it was like "shit i paid $10 to come in so im gonna have some fun."
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#4
Radikal

Radikal

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Join Date: 01/29/2008 | Posts: 1235

Vibe is everything. Having an agenda is repelling. Socializing, flirting, enjoying the moment is attractive. Do things that feel good and she will not let you go. Show obsession with sex and you are done.
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#5
Deft

Deft

Trusted Member

Join Date: 06/16/2008 | Posts: 2040

Hey could I use your body to lose my virginity?.
It can be a very weird thing to say to a girl, maybe play it cool and do not tell girls that you are a virgin just like that, say it kind of shyishly so they get the point, if a goodlooking guy did not have sex once in his life it could be kind of weird so yeah, dont stress over sex, it is not a big deal at all brosky.
Good luck.

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#6
WillH

WillH

Respected Member

Join Date: 01/25/2008 | Posts: 307

No way man, your belief about what virginity means is holding you back.

New frame time YAY!

"Women want to take a man's virginity, it's sexy and that way he can learn from the start how to make love the right way. Plus its sexy watching a man figure out exactly how to handle a woman for the first time and everything that comes with it."

Own everything about yourself, even this. Its not a setback, its what will currently fuel your fire.

As far as your interactions go...you're probably not being sexual at all with her. Keep approaching and finding/meeting new women. Physically escalate right away, go for kisses and makeouts. You can makeout a lot sooner with a girl than you think, you just have a limiting belief saying that you cannot do that yet. Start verbally being sexual and flirty. Assume attraction. The only reason you should not have sex or whatever is because she says "no" or "stop", never because you are wondering "is this the right moment to make a move?"

So next time you hang out with this girl just go for it. The best that could happen is you get laid, the other best that could happen is she could say she sees you as a TOASTER or some other inanimate object she never wishes to have sex with and you could STOP WASTING TIME and meet someone worthy of your Vcard.

BTW in highschool I had a really hot chick want to demoralize me and take my virginity etc. Unfortunately I effed it up and that didnt happen...but yah women want valuable things, your Vcard is valuable.
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#7
sinan

sinan

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/11/2007 | Posts: 1909

yh u got to be outcome independant

but u also got to have a closer mentality its a paradox like tyler talks about in the blueprint
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#8

JeeMo

Member

Join Date: 10/28/2009 | Posts: 51

Well it depends on how it's framed. If you use your virginity in order to fuel you and try to close every girl, being a virgin could actually help you get laid. But if being a virgin means you're afraid to lose the girl and you don't escalate because of it, yes, being a virgin is holding you back.

Use your virginity in order to fuel you. Bring that fury to the fucking surface, and try to close every girl you talk to. Even your mom! Ok maybe not your mom, but you get what I'm saying. Stop being afraid that she may or may not like you. As Ozzie said in Transformations, "If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. Next set." Something along those lines anyway.
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#9

Popsail

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/29/2008 | Posts: 304

Radikal wrote:
Vibe is everything. Having an agenda is repelling. Socializing, flirting, enjoying the moment is attractive. Do things that feel good and she will not let you go. Show obsession with sex and you are done.

agenda
n. schedule, outline of things to be done


Everyone has an agenda.
If they don't, they'll do nothing.

Even people who self-deny in order to get the greetings of god or whatever are still using an agenda.

You wouldn't say that "socializing, flirting and 'enjoying the moment'" is attractive if it wasn't for RSD.
You wouldn't even socialize, flirt and 'enjoy the moment' if you wouldn't consider it attractive.

Stop fooling yourself.

As for the Virgin guy :P   :

Don't tell girls you're a virgin, it's none of their business.
Don't go hard on yourself about it. You didn't know better before you went 25. Now you do, good -- do what you gotta do.

Btw, about reframing [fooling yourself] the whole virginity thing.. It is indirectly unattractive to be a virgin at 25 -- The same way being pre-selected makes you attractive before they even know you, being un-selected makes you un-attractive before they even know you.

Don't get stressed over this. Just know that girls don't get it. They don't see a reason why a 25y/o guy would be a virgin unless he's very weird.

This, again, is not saying you're weird. It's saying some people don't get it.


Anyway, look at the situation, and act as you see fit. That's all there is to it really..
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#10
Steve-0!

Steve-0!

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/08/2008 | Posts: 1579

 If you are focusing on losing your virginity, you are holding on to the outcome and will turn everything inside of you needy. You want it to bad. Learn to say if it happens it happens. Embrace uncertainty!!  
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