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December 5th, 2016
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AmbitiousObsessive34

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/31/2009 | Posts: 501

I knew i had this problem for a long time, but i could never find a way to solve it or have other people help me solve it. I'll say a few things then i'll ask my question.

From the begining i always had trouble having a conversation. I remember when i started i couldnt have a 2min convo with a girl (problem solved. I can easily do 20. But that doesnt mean anything nor does it mean its good). In school i didnt want to sit with jocks because i thought they were f%^&ing idiots or were douches and i didnt sit with the geeks because i thought they were losers (i dont like school like most of them do). I also sat/tried to sit with a certain people/jocks but they talked shit to me and or kicked me out of their group (this is a vague memory, i tried to join because i was bored and wanted to see what happened.). So what i am saying now is i didnt sit with anyone because i thought they were idiot/douches/losers and have a non existant social experience.

So now that i think about it. I have fun when i am alone, not when i am with people (read my name! 8)). Trying my best to remember i think the way i have fun with friends is to 1) Talk about games/movies/stuff (which we do alone) telling eachother facts, trival, interesting tibits, (knowledge sharing) etc. 2) When i tell them and once in a while hear them with a creative idea. Some design or whatever it may be. I call myself a designer. 3) I cant really remember but an interesting story. Like watching a comedian and once in a while a movie. No interaction on my part. Just random things i find interesting enough to listen to ATM. So i DONT know how to have fun with other people. 2&3 is almost completely one directional and 1 only works if we have something in common and i dont want that crutch.

I thought fun was filler and not important. Recently i had a conversation with a girl without fun (or sexual comments). It was pretty interesting but i learned theres so much more when you can have fun with the other person. I think you guys reading should try bonding with a girl without joking around. Its pretty interesting when you do it >:-). Yes this is the kind of 'cool' convo i have with my friends http://www.rsdnation.com/node/137412?page=1#comment-505652 ok it isnt but it might as well be if i an not talking about videos games and the occasional movie. I found this line pretty funny (same post) "it sounds like the gay friend that wants to "tell facts about my life."" I found this line pretty good as well "Because I don't know her enough to CARE about telling her this shit." but being both ways (she doesnt CARE enough to hear about that stuff i am saying). But i dont know WHAT ELSE to say.

Once in a while my grandfather makes comments of how i dont talk. The last time he made one it hit me that it didnt occur to me to say ANYTHING. Have fun alone and not with people indeed (read above, i bolded it there too). I cant figure it out, the lame boring things i shouldnt say above. Not knowing how to have fun with other people (but only have fun alone.). What gives?

Edit: Copy from another thread. I act through my intentions a lot. When i do i get myself into trouble. The reason why i ask for so many examples is because i almost always get myself into shit and i dont know how!
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#1

bawc

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/19/2008 | Posts: 403

aspergers
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#2
PULS3

PULS3

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/25/2009 | Posts: 278

When in doubt of what to talk about:

-Sex
-Relationships
-Drugs
-Violence
-Pop Culture
-Dark secrets
-Music (Found this is more of a make or break topic.  Use at your own risk)
-Light philosophy
-Past adventures

I hope that gives you an idea of what makes a conversation "interesting."
You can literally talk about anything but there are certain topics that are more "attractive and fun" then others.
The strongest point of my game is comfort, rapport, and connection.  I found that just being purely OPEN early on in the interaction is very key.  No topics are taboo.  Talk about gay sex.  Talk about love.  Talk about life views.  Talk about crime and murder.
Don't talk about "normal" things (at least not early on.  There is a time and place for this and it's way later in the interaction).  LIke your job.  Or the weather.  Or your pet.

Also remember that what you talk about is no where near as important as how you talk.
I bet I can get a girl to be super psyched about cheetos and how amazing they are by simply making my vocal tonality super excited and using energetic arm motions.
So if you absolutely feel deathly uncomfortable with talking about sex and drugs that's fine.  Instead talk about how fucking terrible the deathly cold weather was today and how your nipples are like little popsicles.

Be passionate about LIFE
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#3

TheGoldenGun~

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/26/2007 | Posts: 244

No one can help you but yourself.

A bunch of keyboard jockeys on the net might award you with a bit of self-esteem and make you feel good about yourself but it won't solve your problem.

Let me answer your question with another question, I'm guessing you can ride a bike? at some point when your were a kid you din't know how to brake and probabally didn't know how to turn properly, how did you get to the point that you could ride a bike thoughtlessly without conciously thinking about braking and turning and instead they just came natural?

You know what to do, get out there and talk, talk to anyone and everyone talk until you lose your fucking voice, then when it recovers talk again, keep talking until you eventually become an expert at talking shit anywhere, anytime.

After a while of talking to everyone you see, you'll also gain some perspective on other peoples lives and will enjoy the process.

Just Do It.

Answers will come afterwards.

GG
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#4

berlinrsd

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/29/2009 | Posts: 734

AmbitiousObsessive34 wrote:
I knew i had this problem for a long time, but i could never find a way to solve it or have other people help me solve it. I'll say a few things then i'll ask my question.

From the begining i always had trouble having a conversation. I remember when i started i couldnt have a 2min convo with a girl (problem solved. I can easily do 20. But that doesnt mean anything nor does it mean its good). In school i didnt want to sit with jocks because i thought they were f%^&ing idiots or were douches and i didnt sit with the geeks because i thought they were losers (i dont like school like most of them do). I also sat/tried to sit with a certain people/jocks but they talked shit to me and or kicked me out of their group (this is a vague memory, i tried to join because i was bored and wanted to see what happened.). So what i am saying now is i didnt sit with anyone because i thought they were idiot/douches/losers and have a non existant social experience.

So now that i think about it. I have fun when i am alone, not when i am with people (read my name! 8)). Trying my best to remember i think the way i have fun with friends is to 1) Talk about games/movies/stuff (which we do alone) telling eachother facts, trival, interesting tibits, (knowledge sharing) etc. 2) When i tell them and once in a while hear them with a creative idea. Some design or whatever it may be. I call myself a designer. 3) I cant really remember but an interesting story. Like watching a comedian and once in a while a movie. No interaction on my part. Just random things i find interesting enough to listen to ATM. So i DONT know how to have fun with other people. 2&3 is almost completely one directional and 1 only works if we have something in common and i dont want that crutch.

I thought fun was filler and not important. Recently i had a conversation with a girl without fun (or sexual comments). It was pretty interesting but i learned theres so much more when you can have fun with the other person. I think you guys reading should try bonding with a girl without joking around. Its pretty interesting when you do it >:-). Yes this is the kind of 'cool' convo i have with my friends http://www.rsdnation.com/node/137412?page=1#comment-505652 ok it isnt but it might as well be if i an not talking about videos games and the occasional movie. I found this line pretty funny (same post) "it sounds like the gay friend that wants to "tell facts about my life."" I found this line pretty good as well "Because I don't know her enough to CARE about telling her this shit." but being both ways (she doesnt CARE enough to hear about that stuff i am saying). But i dont know WHAT ELSE to say.

Once in a while my grandfather makes comments of how i dont talk. The last time he made one it hit me that it didnt occur to me to say ANYTHING. Have fun alone and not with people indeed (read above, i bolded it there too). I cant figure it out, the lame boring things i shouldnt say above. Not knowing how to have fun with other people (but only have fun alone.). What gives?


no one is a loser or idiot(of course there are exceptions) .
Everyone has a certain amount of knowledge in a certain area. It seems you haven't done that already or it's not clear yet.
I think you need to define who you are more precisely and build knowledge around that.
Try to make things in your mind clearer. Make bounderies between things. Know what is what and don't confuse them.
Don't think of too many things at the same time. Makes you anxious.
If you feel anxious try focusing on one thing.
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#5

AmbitiousObsessive34

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/31/2009 | Posts: 501

PULS3: I think your reply is great but it isnt useful to me. I talk about many of the things in your list and i still have no clue was is 'interesting' (from your reply).

TheGoldenGun~: I remember at one point about a year ago where i was F^&*ing pissed that no one would talk back to me. Literely open 10+ people straight without any of them trying to have a conversation. I still have trouble but at least i have SOME conversational basics thanks to the few who were willing to talk to me and the forced convo i made a few of them go through. I am not really seeing how talking to more people will help since it failed me so far. But right now thats the only thing i can do. so i'm doing it.

berlinrsd: LOL read my name. I dont just have knowledge in a certain area, i am KNOWN for it. I sometimes wonder if i overdid it (read my name haha).

Sorry guys this thread hasnt been helpful although i do think  PULS3 reply is valueable. Keep them coming. I am sitting and thinking about each reply even if i make it sound like i am brushing a reply off (hopefully it doesnt seem like that).
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#6

AmbitiousObsessive34

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/31/2009 | Posts: 501

bump
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#7

StockholmSyndrome

Member

Join Date: 05/13/2009 | Posts: 36

I can relate in a way, but I just wanna know a few things. It seems like you are unclear about your motives, and unclear about what's causing your problems.
Do you want to be more social? Why? What do you think is causing the lack of enjoyment? 
I'd like to hear how you think about this.
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#8
PULS3

PULS3

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/25/2009 | Posts: 278

Okay look just forget about the topics I wrote about.

 I just want you to focus on HOW you talk.  Talk with enthusiasm.  There must be something in your life that makes your excited.  Something that makes you laugh out loud and smile.  What is your favorite hobby?  Video games?  Sports?  Engineering?  Computer programming?

Whatever it is, take your enthusiasm for that and inject it in every other conversation you have.

I'll give you a new list:

- When you talk, talk loud.  Imagine the person is about 10 feet farther then they actually are and talk at that level.
-Smile A LOT. 
-Use very animated motions (wave your arms and move your body a lot when you talk)
-Use animated facial expressions (this I found to be very valuable.  Practice really excentuating your emotions through your face.  If you smile make your smile go from ear to ear.  If you're confused raise your eye brow past your hair line.  If you're sad frown 3 times more then you normally would.  You should look like a cartoon character.) 
-Use animated vocal tonality (practice making your voice very high pitched and very low pitched.  Really exaggerate your voice inflections so you don't come off with a monotone voice.) 
-Pause a lot when you talk.  I don't know if you use filler words a lot (like um, err, and uhh) but if you do just replace filler words with pauses.

If you want an example of the perfect way to talk look at Jeffy. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvI0RKyVf0A

Notice he's very animated.  He does just about everything I mentioned above.

Do NOT talk like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILieHoAly0o

And if worse comes to worse, fake it till you make it.
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#9

AmbitiousObsessive34

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/31/2009 | Posts: 501

PULS3 wrote:
Okay look just forget about the topics I wrote about.

 I just want you to focus on HOW you talk.  Talk with enthusiasm.  There must be something in your life that makes your excited.  Something that makes you laugh out loud and smile.  What is your favorite hobby?  Video games?  Sports?  Engineering?  Computer programming?

Whatever it is, take your enthusiasm for that and inject it in every other conversation you have.

I'll give you a new list:

- When you talk, talk loud.  Imagine the person is about 10 feet farther then they actually are and talk at that level.
-Smile A LOT. 
-Use very animated motions (wave your arms and move your body a lot when you talk)
-Use animated facial expressions (this I found to be very valuable.  Practice really excentuating your emotions through your face.  If you smile make your smile go from ear to ear.  If you're confused raise your eye brow past your hair line.  If you're sad frown 3 times more then you normally would.  You should look like a cartoon character.) 
-Use animated vocal tonality (practice making your voice very high pitched and very low pitched.  Really exaggerate your voice inflections so you don't come off with a monotone voice.) 
-Pause a lot when you talk.  I don't know if you use filler words a lot (like um, err, and uhh) but if you do just replace filler words with pauses.

If you want an example of the perfect way to talk look at Jeffy. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvI0RKyVf0A

Notice he's very animated.  He does just about everything I mentioned above.

Do NOT talk like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILieHoAly0o

And if worse comes to worse, fake it till you make it.

Dude, i got to tell you right now. I love your response! (In all post i seen by you).

I dont think i mentioned it and i forgot. I do this ALL the time. What you said above, animation, pauses, everything. I dont know how i picked it up but within weeks i was able to do this. I did this for > 2yrs.

Video games and computer programming are my hobbies. But why should i talk about it? i dont not talk about it but i seen people have conversation for hours without mentioning what happened at work or any of their hobbies.

The problem i am having is not speaking but having conversations. I still cant have great fun talking to people. I dont know WHY i cant have fun. If the other person is very social it works out (or if she talks a lot). I just cant have fun while *i* talk. Sure i can make myself laugh but i dont count that and yes i do it while talking to others all the time. Usually they dont laugh but i only realize as a forethought.
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AHHH! Help! http://www.rsdnation.com/node/140610
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#10
PULS3

PULS3

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/25/2009 | Posts: 278

AmbitiousObsessive34 wrote:

PULS3 wrote:
Okay look just forget about the topics I wrote about.

 I just want you to focus on HOW you talk.  Talk with enthusiasm.  There must be something in your life that makes your excited.  Something that makes you laugh out loud and smile.  What is your favorite hobby?  Video games?  Sports?  Engineering?  Computer programming?

Whatever it is, take your enthusiasm for that and inject it in every other conversation you have.

I'll give you a new list:

- When you talk, talk loud.  Imagine the person is about 10 feet farther then they actually are and talk at that level.
-Smile A LOT. 
-Use very animated motions (wave your arms and move your body a lot when you talk)
-Use animated facial expressions (this I found to be very valuable.  Practice really excentuating your emotions through your face.  If you smile make your smile go from ear to ear.  If you're confused raise your eye brow past your hair line.  If you're sad frown 3 times more then you normally would.  You should look like a cartoon character.) 
-Use animated vocal tonality (practice making your voice very high pitched and very low pitched.  Really exaggerate your voice inflections so you don't come off with a monotone voice.) 
-Pause a lot when you talk.  I don't know if you use filler words a lot (like um, err, and uhh) but if you do just replace filler words with pauses.

If you want an example of the perfect way to talk look at Jeffy. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvI0RKyVf0A

Notice he's very animated.  He does just about everything I mentioned above.

Do NOT talk like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILieHoAly0o

And if worse comes to worse, fake it till you make it.

Dude, i got to tell you right now. I love your response! (In all post i seen by you).

I dont think i mentioned it and i forgot. I do this ALL the time. What you said above, animation, pauses, everything. I dont know how i picked it up but within weeks i was able to do this. I did this for > 2yrs.

Video games and computer programming are my hobbies. But why should i talk about it? i dont not talk about it but i seen people have conversation for hours without mentioning what happened at work or any of their hobbies.

The problem i am having is not speaking but having conversations. I still cant have great fun talking to people. I dont know WHY i cant have fun. If the other person is very social it works out (or if she talks a lot). I just cant have fun while *i* talk. Sure i can make myself laugh but i dont count that and yes i do it while talking to others all the time. Usually they dont laugh but i only realize as a forethought.

Hmm, the easiest thing to do would be to talk to you in person.

PM me if you're willing to talk on the phone.

I don't quite understand your problem.  It sounds like an inner game problem.  Surely there must be SOMETHING that makes you happy when you're talking.  If it's video games then so be it.  I've seen some pretty hot chicks at anime and video game conventions.  So there ARE girls that are into that.

But Im afraid that my help is limited unless I actually talk to you.
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