THE FORUMS

November 13, 2009 - Day 1

I'm wandering around in the hotel lobby, fiddling with my phone, ignoring the sinking feeling in my stomach.  I keep asking myself what I'm doing, girls make me nervous, clubs terrify me, I've never approached a random girl in my entire life.  I'm still not convinced a couple nights out is really going to change a lifetime of being a pussy around women.  I meet another student and we sit down and talk for a few minutes before Brad comes over.  We head over to a corner of the lobby and wait for the other student to arrive. Brad tells us some amazing stories and gets us laughing. The queasy feeling in my stomach subsides a bit.  While we're talking, the other student arrives and the lessons begin.

For the next two and a half hours almost everything Brad says contradicts every tenet I've ever held about women.

Looks don't matter...
Words don't matter...
Money doesn't matter...

When he starts explaining what does matter, his truths keep fighting with the beliefs I've pounded into my head for years.  

We continue with the lesson, and do some verbal exercises to practice making statements, being illogical, talking about anything, drilling the idea to keep your mouth moving. We finally head out and that sinking feeling I had returns.  I start thinking about the same stuff that has held me back before. I talk too quietly. What is my body language like?  

Goals for the Night: Open!

Brad makes sure that we know that we should do exactly what he says at all times while on bootcamp.  Less than a block from the hotel, this hottie squeals and runs over to Brad, opening him as we're walking by.

Wait, what the fuck?! This girl is into him right away.  Brad escalates with her while his assistant helps wing.  Watching him demo is amazing.  He puts all the things he talked about 15 minutes earlier into practice.  This girl wants him!

After a few minutes we continue on our way and make it to the bar.  Brad's assistant is in set as we walk through the door, and these two girls have their hands all over him in just a couple of minutes. Alright, I'm convinced.  This stuff works.  Brad starts sending us into set immediately.  I open simply by introducing myself, I talk for a few minutes and the girls seem nice.  I politely excuse myself after a few minutes, make sure my head is still attached and go find Brad.

"They didn't bite my head off!"
"I know. Go into another set."

I keep approaching and talking to girls and for the most part they are all receptive.  I only get completely ignored by one set, but I turned around and just started talking to the girls that are next to them. This is the first big realization I have during the weekend.  Getting blown out doesn't matter. A week later and I can honestly say I don't remember the girls at all.  I'm pretty sure I didn't remember them 15 minutes later. Awesome, so I can survive rejection.  I'm going to open every girl in this fucking place!

I start doing just that. I'm running in to take pictures with girls I don't know, stopping girls that are walking by me(Where the fuck are they going anyway? I'm right here! ), talking to girls that already have guys next to them, pretty much anything that an hour ago I would never have considered doing.  One thing I do notice is that I'm leaving after only a few minutes, I think the longest conversation I had was for maybe 10 minutes.  

I talk to Brad about this and he tells me to lower the bar for conversation...words don't matter.  

I go back into a set where I took a picture with the girls and the one I liked gives me a hug, demanding to know where I've been.  I stay in longer with this girl, flirting with her and teasing her, talking to her friends.  Then I feel like I should ask for her number, so I naturally give her a hug and eject. (FUCK!!)  I head over to the other side of the bar Brad tells me to open a girl who is sitting by herself.

"You seem lonely."

After a few minutes I'm ready to leave and start to get up.  

"Wait you're not leaving are you?" she asks, grabbing my hand.

"Um, I'll stay if you promise to keep being awesome."

"I will."

After another ten minutes or so she has to go meet her friends at another bar cause they keep calling.  (Monday Morning Realization - This would have been a good time to get her number... oh well.)

I open a girl whose friends I talked to earlier and things are going really well.  I steal her seat and she just slides into my lap.  She starts tickling me and pulling my hair.

"That's going to get you into trouble." I whisper and tickle her back, threatening to drop her.  She playfully punches me and I pull her in close for a kiss.

I look at Brad as I'm about to kiss her and the girl looks over too. She's up off my lap and chasing behind him.  About ten feet away she's realizes what she just did and looks back "I'm so sorry." and then she's after him.

Well at least she was polite.  I laugh, get up and take her over and introduce her to Brad. He hadn't even looked at her.  That guy is a magnet, girls love him!  This is something that I thought would crush me two hours earlier, instead, we were all laughing about it at the end of the night during debrief. It didn't even register what had just happened until her friends asked me about it as I was walking by.

"Aren't you mad?"
"About what?"
They point to Brad and the girl.
"No, that's my friend Brad. He's awesome."
Blah blah blah...move on to something else.

Open more sets. I decide I want to focus on mixed sets, I read on these forums that some people are terrified of them. Of the sets I opened, of which there were at least ten, only in one was the guy her boyfriend.  Much to my amazement, he didn't want to kill me for talking to his girl.  

As the night went on, I realized one of the best things about Brad was that he was always around if I needed advice and how he was paying attention to me in set even when I wasn't aware of it.  He would give me little tweaks and advice, but nothing so overwhelming that I couldn't implement it right away.

I see a girl I talked to earlier and she comes over and opens me.  
"Hey, do you remember what I do?" - Her, smiling.
"Ummmm. You're super amazing and awesome all day." - Me
"That wasn't the answer I was looking for!" - Her, not smiling.
"Sorry." - Me, actually being sorry.

After this she got mad.  I should have stayed unreactive, ignored the question and just reopened her.

Closing time came around and as the lights went up, I saw the girl whose number I wanted to get earlier.

"Hey, I forgot to get your number." - Me
"OUT OUT OUT GET OUT" - Angry Manly Bouncer, pushing me out the door.
"I'll follow you outside, just give me a minute to get my friend." - Cute girl who is totally giving me her number.

I get the number, and we go to get some food and debrief.

Brad gave everyone a breakdown of what he observed about them during the night.  He talked about my leaving sets too early and told me that while he didn't stay in set talking to a girl for three hours, I should stay in longer than I was since I wasn't used to talking to strangers.  Stuff I was worried about like the volume of my voice and body language weren't a problem.  The debriefs for the other students were good to listen to, a lot of the advice was stuff I could use as well.

Sets approached: 46

November 14, 2009 - Day 2

 We met in the afternoon and spent a lot of time getting into more of the detailed aspects of pickup.  Brad showed us a graph of women's receptiveness as the night went on, and how we should adjust our behavior in the venue accordingly.  The most important thing I learned from this lesson was tonality, and how to use breaking rapport.  A good amount of time was also spent on how to get physical with a girl. The most important aspects were how to do it and what it conveyed.  Brad showed us how it was done incorrectly, coming from a place of neediness, and how to do it playfully and naturally instead.  The teasingly poking a girl is pure gold.  He spent sometime showing how picking up a girl that was dancing was different, and how conversation was a lot shorter and simply just statements while you were dancing with her.  Another key thing I remember was the warm up set.  Brad talked about how it was instrumental into getting you into a social mindset.  We broke up for a couple hours and decided to meet back up at ten.

Goals for the Night: STATEMENTS, not questions.  Talk longer. Use breaking rapport tonality. Get more physical.

We met at the hotel and brave a crazy snowstorm and went to a lounge for a little bit.  I could tell that I was still nervous about going out, but Brad had me and another student, K.O.T.A., in set immediately. The girls I was talking to didn't seem that receptive but I kept plowing and talked to them for a bit.  This was good because the night before I usually left right when the conversation felt a bit uncomfortable or forced. The girls leave to go to another bar, and we decide to head out as well, the place we were at was almost empty.  We head back to the bar we were at the night previously and the place is more crowded.  We all break up and get into set, focusing on being social since it's earlier in the night.  I get into set and focus on my goals for the night. The sets don't seem to be going as well and I start to get bummed out a bit.  Brad notices and asks me what's up.  I tell him about how I catch myself using trying for rapport tonality and how I keep doing it even when I'm actively thinking not to.  I'm even doing it when I'm talking to him.  He tells me that now that I am aware of the problem it should correct itself over time, and not to let it affect me.  I realize I was probably using it the previous night and that it hadn't prevented me from talking to people. I start approaching again and stop worrying about it. Things definitely get better.  I am opening set after set again, getting social.  I try getting physical and a few times it works and a few times it creeps the girls out.  I notice the interactions where I do get physical do seem to go better.  I feel myself staying in set longer, and consciously changing my questions to statements before I speak. I approach a couple cute girls and stay in set long enough to get comfortable, and then naturally eject again when I feel should go for the number.  

Oh well, I'll get it at the end of the night right? NO! There were at least three sets where I was certain I was going to get the number and left too early, but next time I looked for the girls, they were gone.  Always ask for the number if you want it, you'll never talk to these girls again anyway if you don't have it so the rejection doesn't mean anything.

I open a set of girls that we're standing in a corner.  They told me I used the same line on them last night.

"Wow, and it's totally going to work on you two nights in a row?"

They laugh and we keep talking for a bit. I realize this is the value of being unreactive.  It doesn't give them a chance to control the situation.

Brad sends me into another set.

"Walk through those four girls and talk to the hottie leaning on the pool table."

I do it and the things seem to be going well.  Brad goes to get the other two students to help wing me.  While he's getting them, the girl knocks my drink over onto the pool table.  

"You just knocked over my drink." - Me
"OH MY GOD!" I have to go! - Her, FREAKING OUT.

She starts to run away.  I follow her and grab her shoulder.
 "Where are you going?"
"I have to go to the bathroom." 
"Oh." I let her go.  Monday Morning Realization - She was uncomfortable and just wanted to get away from the situation. I should have used it as a chance to isolate. 

I keep approaching, and start encountering shit tests.  We had gone over them a bit, but to me it just seemed like the girls were being mean, so I would usually eject. I talk to Brad, he tells me how to deal with them and not to worry. We'll go over them later.  Back into sets!

I start staying in set longer and having to start dealing with the girls' friends. Twice their friend dragged them away when it seemed like the girls were into me.  Both times they were leaving to go somewhere else.  Should have demanded their number before they left. 

I see to girls that I talked to earlier as they are headed to the door.

"Hey. We're leaving." - Them
"Ok. Have an awesome night." - Me hugging them and then walking way.
"Hey. We're leaving!" - Them, standing there, not leaving.
"Ok. Bye." - Me, smiling and waving, not understanding what's going on.

15 minutes later: "Oh fuck. That girl wanted me to get her number.
The next morning, courtesy of Brad: - NO. They wanted to FUCK you.  PLAYER MINDSET!

It starts to get closer to the end of the night and I get a little bummed out again.  This night has definitely been more frustrating than the one before.  Brad tells me to open a set of girls and though neither is super pretty I do need the practice.  I open and one girl immediately starts laughing.  I ignore it and talk to her friend.  After a couple minutes the girl that was laughing explains that they had just stood up to leave the second I opened them cause no one was hitting on them.  Brad comes into wing and I talk to the laughing girl for awhile.  I tease her about being too smart and stay in set.  Lights go on and I ask her for her number. Demand, don't ask. "Give me your number!"

"Awww. I can't. I have a boyfriend." - Her, wanting to give me her number.
"You have a boyfriend!? That sucks! How am I going to seduce you now? - Me, yelling, smiling though.
She laughs and gives me her number.  
"We'll hang out and be wholesome. I promise."

As I'm walking out I hear this girl saying she goes to the same college as I do. Remembering Brad's graph, I open her.

"Hey. Me too. I'm studying Poli Sci." - Me
"No way! Me too! - Her
"I'm going to be a way better lawyer than you! Give me your number." - Me, getting her number, but not getting her name. Oops.

We head to the pizza place and debrief again.  I'm definitely more frustrated tonight than I was the night before.  I talk about where I was finding myself getting stuck with Brad.  He gives some excellent advice and makes me realize that the night wasn't as bad as I'm thinking it was.  

Monday Morning Realization: I got more numbers on night 2 than I did on night 1.  I've never talked to a girl I didn't already know in a club before this weekend!  What the hell am I bummed out about?

Sets Approached: 36 + 1 during the day.

November 15, 2009 - Day 3

We meet up at the hotel and I have about a thousand questions for Brad. He's incredibly patient and answers each one thoroughly.  What to do on dates, how to improve tonality, how to day game. He explains shit tests in great detail and I realize I was passing them half the time without even realizing it.  We decide to get some lunch and Brad works with each of us giving us a plan on how to keep going with what we've learned, giving us a reading list and recommending material to use to improve the areas we are having difficulty with.  He stays and answers questions far longer than he had to, I'm pretty sure he was going to miss his flight if he had left a few minutes later.  It amazed me how dedicated he was to making sure we were all set before he left.

All in all this was an incredible experience.  Easily one of the best of my life and completely altering my self image.  That idea I had the first night of a weekend of going out not changing me was completely blown away.  A weekend of going out with Brad did change me. The RSD material gave me the fundamentals of how to improve an area of my life that has frustrated me since I figured out girls were pretty.  Thank you.