THE FORUMS

December 8th, 2016
Meeting->Email->Nice chat->fail. What was wrong with this!?!
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AmbitiousObsessive34

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Join Date: 03/31/2009 | Posts: 501

Does anyone know where i went wrong with this one? Out of the last 15 or so girls i met, i like her the best.
----
A little background, i met this girl with her sister roughly 5 weeks ago. I talked to them for about 20mins, her sis was quiet and i asked for their email. I got it and this girl and i have msg'd eachother a few times since then. Usually she replies the same day. I really thought she liked me. I asked  (somewhat) personal questions and she answered. She told me a funny story about being freaked out when she was a kid and etc. The below is random snippits of emails we sent to eachother. If you note you'll see how she writes subthoughts the way i do. (In brackets like this. and how she does it multi times) which i think she is unintentionally doing to 'be' in rapport? Heres the random email snippits.

>>Nah, we're not always together. It just appears that way I guess 'cause SISTERNAME and I are always on DA (and thus have crazy DA adventures) while my other sis doesn't like to go on the comp much. But we all get along pretty well I think xD

>Do all of you gang up on the other sometimes?

We used to a LOT when we were younger (the alliances always varied, but I remember a long period of time when my sisters would both gang up on me lol) but not so much now. We actually haven't argued in a very long time.. I'm glad we're past the era of constant bickering lol.

>>It was very funny tho.

>prolly 'cause I always play without items tho (for me an itemless match= true test of warrior skills lol).

She also said in another note. Its insignificant but i still think she had no reason to say that and may have said to bc she wants to be in rapport or something.
> I'd prolly have a similar style to you I think

The only 'strange' thing is i asked her where her school was and she answered the other email but not this one
i am curious, where is your res/how far away is it?
i keep thinking you go to a school in/near CITY and i ran into someone going to SCHOOL (DIFFERENT CITY) while taking the subway home last week

But i didnt care. I decided to tell her i liked her and that its to bad we cant date. I expected nothing would happen but INSTEAD i got a polite rejection which makes me think she thinks i am ugly or unattracted. WTF. I may have weirded her out. Can anyone see how?

Hey... so... I like you :)
I like talking to you right now and i enjoyed chatting with you at MEETING_PLACE :). I thought you were adorable. I wanted to hit on you at MEETING_PLACE but i didnt know which one of you two i liked better nor thought doing it in front of the other would be a good idea.

One of the things i remember was when it went silent at one point i wasn't uncomfortable. I was comfortable and started thinking about one of my crazy ideas for a few mins. That was cool i dont remember that happening with people i just met.

Anyways, you live on res. So i guess your pretty far? I wanted to ask you out :) :( :) :(. But it is pointless. If you like we can hang out once or twice or maybe every once in a blue moon if you want (but maybe).

TTYL :) :( :).


I thought this was simple but really didnt care bc i expected nothing to happen. I get this reply and was like WTF. I would have thought she liked it.

I'm sorry, I'm just so busy with school (among other things) so I'm unable to put time into any kind of relationship right now. I really need to spend all my time on my studies; as I'm sure you could tell by how long it took me to go through my DA messages and reply to your note (I'm sorry to have kept you waiting for a reply for so long). Thank you though, for the kind words :)

I hope you find someone for you..


Yeah... So something went wrong. What the F%^&*( was it? Like i said i met quiet a few girls in the past weeks, right now i like her the best. Theres 2 others i am hitting on and a 3rd girl i may just want to befriend. Anyways, where the F%^&*( did i screw up?

Thanks

If you want to know how i responded to the above i wrote this.

lol. This is so nice of you; to reply like that.

I didnt actually think we would do anything, i just wanted to let you know that i liked you :). I like it when girls tell me she like me (well, only if she is attractive).

I was actually wondering if my note was weird or not. I hope it wasnt. If it was tell me please. But dont tell me you think i am ugly or something :p.

I wonder if your the quiet sister. Back when i read SOMETHING (i read a few ppls) you seemed to be the most shy and the quiet one but right now SISTER_I_MET_WITH_HER seems to be the most quiet. I been talking to OTHER_SISTER and she's pretty cool as well.

Its awesome your parents DID_SOME_THING_OTHER_SISTER_MENTIONED_TO_ME lol :). I still think you are cool and that we would get along fantastically. I think you are cute in the cute way. Anyways i hope the last note wasn't weird and that you would tell me if it was ^^; I just wanted to tell you that sooner then later rather then never.

Take care. I still like talking about random stuff with you. I don't want to keep talking and guess if you like me or not. Have fun! especially without parent supervision (6)
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#1

Shadow-Flavour

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/16/2009 | Posts: 203

You went chodey on her man.  E-mailing and everything is nice, but you can't drop the 'i like you' bomb on a girl till way later.  She has to keep guessing and stay interested without you doing that.  What you should've done is escalated from e-mail to getting her number, then after talking on the phone a few times, asked her to meet you somewhere in between both of your locations.  It doesn't matter that she's a bit far away or not THAT'S HER PROBLEM  you ASSUME she wants to meet you, and make it happen.  If you write an e-mail that says you like her, and you want to ask her out, but you know it won't work----that screams chode to a girl.  It's basically supplicating and kissing her ass, which is not what you want, so girls are like 'oh jeez, not another guy who likes me already...he barely even knows me.' 

So next time, e-mail to the phone...from the phone to meeting...meeting to kiss/fuck close.....then later later later, tell her how you feel.
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#2

AmbitiousObsessive34

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Join Date: 03/31/2009 | Posts: 501

ROBOTB0NER wrote:
 You said "I like you" about 50 times.  It screams 'desperate'.  Do you even know why you liked her?  If so, tell me why.  Then the middle paragraph is so illegible i have no idea what it means, it sounds like you were telling her you like her because you felt comfortable around her.  basically the, "i like you because you like me," crap.  

here's the good part.  you actually told her that you like her.  most guys, and i really mean most guys... hardly ever get to stating their intent towards a girl.  you did.  which is awesome.

now you just gotta find the happy medium between stating your intentions and not seeming like a desperate weirdo while doing it.  took me like 3 years, but it paid off.
bahaha. ok. This is good advice. I like this. Which middle paragraph do you mean?

Does it mean nothing that i was not chody at all in the other msgs? I didnt even hint i liked her. I just chatted and laughed which made me think i could do this w/o making myself ssound like a code (or desperate).
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#3
6am.sedna

6am.sedna

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Join Date: 10/24/2008 | Posts: 433

you sound like my old self a lot. It's that whole "going through life in a walking daze" effect. Not knowing what the fuck you're doing, saying, etc etc. That's why you didn't even know in the first place where you screwed up. And I'm not going to repeat the other guys either cos it's obvious.

I used to be like that though, "Oh, do you have an email or something?" ALWAYS scared to ask for a number first. Go for the fucking number right away. "Hey, gimme your number, I'll give you a zing when something's cool to go down" etc. It establishes that you're a cool guy who knows about shit, instead of of the opposite. It doesn't necessarily have to be with girls, it's like this with all people.

I was at a club last sat, and yeah I was buzzed, but I just approached some random dude for an opinion "do you smoke weed?" or something. etc. etc. and left, then he finds me and like "yeah you asked me this...whats up?" and we just shot shit for a bit, then I go "Hey man, you're a cool dude, and all cool people go into THIS *as I show the cell fone*" and that's it.

Start making shit face-to-face, although I know in your case it was a long distance thing, right? but it's better face-to-face, PRACTICE it, don't resign to e-mails and all that shit, unless you have a good reason to.
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#4
Nova`

Nova`

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Join Date: 10/04/2008 | Posts: 412

More cocky/funny





Also,


>>Nah, we're not always together. It just appears that way I guess 'cause SISTERNAME and I are always on DA (and thus have crazy DA adventures) while my other sis doesn't like to go on the comp much. But we all get along pretty well I think xD

>Do all of you gang up on the other sometimes?

We used to a LOT when we were younger (the alliances always varied, but I remember a long period of time when my sisters would both gang up on me lol) but not so much now. We actually haven't argued in a very long time.. I'm glad we're past the era of constant bickering lol.

>>It was very funny tho.

>prolly 'cause I always play without items tho (for me an itemless match= true test of warrior skills lol).



^^^^ was kinda chode because you were seeking rapport and not putting bringing your own personality/stories to the table.






There was some book also that to be yourself you have to realize that you are unique, but everyone else is too, so you're also the same. You have to realize that you are like a piece in the puzzle, and you are the only one that fits amongst all the other pieces.

I think it was on dave d's on being a man, too.
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#5
Suspect

Suspect

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Join Date: 01/24/2007 | Posts: 1237

I disagree with anybody who says not to say "I like you". But you gotta say it with some belief. Like, as if, you know it's gonna work out. Say it like it's coming from an attractive male. Brad Pitt walks in the room, goes up to a girl standing there trying not to crap herself, and says "I like you." BAM! What's chode about it? Just because half the message board has never seen a nnon-chode example of intent they write off intent itself as chode. "You gotta play it indirect, bro, until after you're married!"

That said, you're email was NOT the high value example I'm talking about. What was the :) :( :) :( ? ASCII-art to represent self-doubt? If you're gonna tell a girl you like her, say it like ya mean it! When I say "I like you", what I really mean is "Girl, you are MINE, it's already true in my head." Not "Please affirm this for me." I'm not ASKING if she's on-board, I'm declaring my intentions. JLAIX likes to shout at guys STATEMENTS and COMMANDS! He's trying to communicate this ... you're not asking for shit here. You're telling her shit. I LIKE YOU. Statement. FACT. Yet for some reason guys use it like it's a question... I like you? :) :( !??!? (subtext: do you like me too? oh please! like me please? *cringe*) See the difference? Hope ya do.
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#6
JFM

JFM

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Join Date: 12/13/2007 | Posts: 2236

ROBOTB0NER wrote:
 AO34, your prior texts didnt SEEM needy to a normal person, but to people who know how to pickup chicks, everything you said was needy.

think about it, the things you were saying to her were boring, just plain totally boring.  now why would you as a "high value male" have a boring conversation with a girl you hardly know?  the answer is, because you feel that she's higher value than you are.  why?  probably because you aren't used to being around chicks you are attracted to.  this is just experience.

the more you approach chicks and leave your comfort zone in doing so, you will progress.  the less chicks you approach and don't leave your comfort zone, you will either stay put or get worse.

what i did?  i started a blog of everytiem i approached a girl and wrote about it.  in detail.  i wrote about how i felt about it, what i must do to get better.  if i want to get good with girls, or even just get a girlfriend that i think is amazing, i will work hard to do so.  but this isnt even work, it's fun.  
ROBOTB0NER you're posts always pack so much value...you operate from the basics....up.

Two things:
1.  Status.   That isn't about being "better"....it's even more basic than that.   It's about her body responding.   Think of it that way.  Is her BODY responding to you.   Not words or positioning or ANYTHING.   Why the body?   Because the body is where she registers if you're sexworthy or not.   Status was BORN because of that.  Why do dogs use status in their packs?   Because the dog with the most confidence fucks the female dogs...that's why.   The ABSTRACTION is a fuck-up....a place I'd lived forever...and only experience ( Masters in Disaster) has shown me HOW.  FUCKING.  BAD.  it was.  RSD teaches that deep identity level change comes from your STATUS....identity.   Where you have done the toughest work of all...accepted and loved yourself as you are....and having FUN with that....and just BEING.    Like you were when you were a kid.    RB is so right that normal people DON''T SEE THAT. 

2.  Energy inside YOU.   For fucks sake....it's so basic.  You project out what your fears are....mostly through CONTROLLING.   Holy shit dude...you're controlling....because like most guys....you think you're not ENOUGH.    This takes years and years of work and living to burn through...for most of us.   It's all your vibe.   The energy you give off....and girls are like dogs in that they smell that completely....I don't know how ...but they do.

I've started to think it's all quantum physics....you literally create your reality.  Somewhere inside of you, you have a deep reality generator that wants to keep women in a higher status so you can fail and be pissed at life....scouring e-mails to see where you "went wrong".   Status FAIL.   It's a hard habit to break.   I'm finally seeing it's all me doing this shit....nothing to do with her.   M8 is a great poster here who writes about this issue...about getting a life.

Sometimes there's a lot of work to do to see this...nice guys are blind...completely blind and in denial...with a society and family screaming that nice guy is the right way.  I certainly have been driven by this in the past.   
     
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#7

AmbitiousObsessive34

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/31/2009 | Posts: 501

Nova` wrote:
More cocky/funny





Also,


>>Nah, we're not always together. It just appears that way I guess 'cause SISTERNAME and I are always on DA (and thus have crazy DA adventures) while my other sis doesn't like to go on the comp much. But we all get along pretty well I think xD

>Do all of you gang up on the other sometimes?

We used to a LOT when we were younger (the alliances always varied, but I remember a long period of time when my sisters would both gang up on me lol) but not so much now. We actually haven't argued in a very long time.. I'm glad we're past the era of constant bickering lol.

>>It was very funny tho.

>prolly 'cause I always play without items tho (for me an itemless match= true test of warrior skills lol).



^^^^ was kinda chode because you were seeking rapport and not putting bringing your own personality/stories to the table.






There was some book also that to be yourself you have to realize that you are unique, but everyone else is too, so you're also the same. You have to realize that you are like a piece in the puzzle, and you are the only one that fits amongst all the other pieces.

I think it was on dave d's on being a man, too.

Oh shit! lol. I forgot that i should paste some of these. Its cut off bc she cut it off when she replied and i just copied/paste the majority of her notes (and i think one of mine)

Heres the full paragraph. Hopefully this is good enough and i dont need to paste more for you guys to get a better feeling.

Do all of you gang up on the other sometimes? XD
i notice when its just me and my bro or me and my sis its 'more' quiet (but not always...) and if its the 3 of us we will get into argument often and typically gang up on eachother 2 vs 1. Lately its me and my sis ganging up on my bro which is a nice change from them ganging up on me :X

Oddly enough we talked about video games in that email. I also said

>Haha wow lol that sounds intense! xD I bet you were pissed lol xD I've never had anything crazy like that happen.

I was shocked :O. I couldnt believe it happened. I was half wondering if he would die instead of fall back into the screen XD. He didnt die and he hit me pretty easily (AND QUICKLY). Its kind of impossible to dodge while holding a hammer >_>

It was very funny tho.


---
I always hated David D. I tried to like him but he annoyed the hell out of me. His get altitude set was good. The only package that didnt make me want to shoot myself 30min in
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#8

AmbitiousObsessive34

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/31/2009 | Posts: 501

Suspect wrote:
I disagree with anybody who says not to say "I like you". But you gotta say it with some belief. Like, as if, you know it's gonna work out. Say it like it's coming from an attractive male. Brad Pitt walks in the room, goes up to a girl standing there trying not to crap herself, and says "I like you." BAM! What's chode about it? Just because half the message board has never seen a nnon-chode example of intent they write off intent itself as chode. "You gotta play it indirect, bro, until after you're married!"

That said, you're email was NOT the high value example I'm talking about. What was the :) :( :) :( ? ASCII-art to represent self-doubt? If you're gonna tell a girl you like her, say it like ya mean it! When I say "I like you", what I really mean is "Girl, you are MINE, it's already true in my head." Not "Please affirm this for me." I'm not ASKING if she's on-board, I'm declaring my intentions. JLAIX likes to shout at guys STATEMENTS and COMMANDS! He's trying to communicate this ... you're not asking for shit here. You're telling her shit. I LIKE YOU. Statement. FACT. Yet for some reason guys use it like it's a question... I like you? :) :( !??!? (subtext: do you like me too? oh please! like me please? *cringe*) See the difference? Hope ya do.
The :) was bc i liked her and the :( was bc she is living away.
I said it with belief. I BELIEVED it was going to work. I thought i was going to get a fun letter back. I thought she may have been shy and say something stupid or short bc she was taking long and WANTED to reply back.

I thought wrong. I believed the above so much i told another girl that i just met (for fun) that she was cute and other things. I also said it by email and i said it quickly, after the 2nd or 3rd email. She replied "Haha. You're pretty straight forward. I'll let you play your game if you want. :P As long as it doesn't get out of hand. " >:-)

You and ROBOTB0NER said i wasnt talking/thinking like a high value man. What wasnt i doing? or what was i doing that was chody. I wasnt doing those commands, i'll try them out. I say them occasionally but rarely in person (i say it to have fun).
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#9

AmbitiousObsessive34

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/31/2009 | Posts: 501

ROBOTB0NER wrote:
 AO34, your prior texts didnt SEEM needy to a normal person, but to people who know how to pickup chicks, everything you said was needy.

think about it, the things you were saying to her were boring, just plain totally boring.  now why would you as a "high value male" have a boring conversation with a girl you hardly know?  the answer is, because you feel that she's higher value than you are.  why?  probably because you aren't used to being around chicks you are attracted to.  this is just experience.

the more you approach chicks and leave your comfort zone in doing so, you will progress.  the less chicks you approach and don't leave your comfort zone, you will either stay put or get worse.

what i did?  i started a blog of everytiem i approached a girl and wrote about it.  in detail.  i wrote about how i felt about it, what i must do to get better.  if i want to get good with girls, or even just get a girlfriend that i think is amazing, i will work hard to do so.  but this isnt even work, it's fun.  
There was some text cut off but i was having fun. I was telling some stories about myself in them. BUT what was 'needy' maybe nothing was but it was boring? i had fun.
BUT if i have a problem bc i am not "used to being around chicks you are attracted to" and "don't leave your comfort zone, you will either stay put or get worse" then i am fucked. bc i was not nervious AT ALL (thats probably why i was comforable with the silience as said in the email to her.) and when i approach, girls dont put me out of my comfort zone bc i cant seem to imagine them above me.

I dont know what i am trying to say here. Maybe the above shows more about my frame.

JFM: I dont know what you are trying to say about that body/control thing (B).
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#10
Suspect

Suspect

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Join Date: 01/24/2007 | Posts: 1237

Well, a few things.

I've found that when I'm having fun with a girl in a distant conversation, it's time to end it. The reason being, this is a natural time when we would both feel the desire to physically escalate - but if it's over phone, or text, or email, or whatever, that can't happen (this statement is only partially true, since I have verbally made the conversation sexual and had that turn out AWESOME). If I continue the conversation at this point without taking it in an intensely sexual direction, and go until I'm satisfied (aka bored), then guess what? So is she. You leave the conversation with both of you feeling completely satisfied, in other words, little desire to keep talking left. You have to leave yourself wanting more, so that you leave her wanting more as well. When you both want more, that's when it will be most natural for things to progress. So your conversation to me sounds like you've gone down the other side of the hill, towards satisfaction and away from the peak of interest where you really want to leave it. This only applies to technology, all I'm saying is to save the best for face-to-face time. As for that, the REAL part of interacting, you don't really want the conversation to go in that direction then either - but you can accent the high notes of the conversation with physical escalation. You don't want to be staying up until 3am talking about your siblings, that's no-sex land. So the point is you're kind of ... dickless, in this interaction. Hence why saying "I like you" is not gonna get you far - because so what? There's no sexual chemistry there.

You might come across as a teddy bear, I get that vibe from you. But that doesn't mean you ARE a teddy bear. Although perhaps you could learn to be more sexual, more dangerous. It can be a hard thing to do, because the most common emotional response is fear. Fear is what keeps you dickless. You might not see what I'm talking about right away, but if you pay attention for long enough, you'll realize there are certain "moments" in an interaction where you feel a little bit of fear/anxiety/anticipation/excitement (yes, all rolled up into one confusing emotion like that). These are the moments when your body is instinctually feeling the desire to escalate - that's why you are having an emotional response. The excitement is the pimp in you priming you to make a move, charging your body with anticipation, quickening your heart rate, making your hair want to stand up on end and your body wanting to feel itself against the girl. The fear you feel is the chode in you, making sure you don't do anything ballsy. The most common sticking point I see is guys who are so used to obeying the fear that they've forgotten about the excitement. The habitual response is to DE-escalate at the very moments when you should be doing the opposite. So, how you fix this, is when you get afraid ... MAKE A BALLSY MOVE. I mean a sexual one. The total opposite of your fear instinct. Counter-intuitive, and really powerful. There was a time when all I had to do to escalate well was follow my fear. If I was scared, it's because subconciously I knew it was time to take a risk. I made myself conscious of it. It really only has to work out for you once or twice before it becomes more exciting than it is scary... then it can be hard to stop.

So that was just slightly off-topic but I feel still relevant to you. The point about your email is that it is purposeless, and isn't escalating the relationship in a meaningful way, and more just an indulgence. You seem young, and god knows I wasn't a teenager anymore by the time I started to figure ANY of this, but then again I don't really know it's just the impression that I get. Anyway, the whole POINT of "game", especially if we're gonna talk about email correspondence or text, is to PUSH things forward towards you two hanging out. It's when you're hanging out for real that everything good happens. So really what's the point of just rambling off to each other back and forth over email? If you like to talk to each other so much, it's obvious that you'd be much better off getting together for real - so why not just do it? You see how congruent that can be, because it's just so simple. Before you get roped into a lengthy conversation with a girl via typed words you've both already got more than enough reason to hang out. Cuz, like I said, hangin out is where all the best things go down. Meanwhile, purposeless conversations get you nowhere.

And yes, you actually did sorta try to push it to a hang out, and that's great. Just think, more certainty, and less hesitation. How long did it take you to decide that you actually wanted to hang out with her? I mean, as soon as you know that, make it happen. "We should hang out". "Come over tomorrow night". STATEMENTS and COMMANDS. I mean, in a way that IS "asking". Just in a very confident way. You're just assuming she's gonna want to say yes. In a lot of ways it's all about just going straight after what you want without making any excuses or apologies for it. It's useful for getting sexual, too. You can straight up ask girls about their sexual fantasies, or they're naughtiest experiences, or they're sexiest outfit... if you're comfortable doing it, it's dynamite. If you're expressing yourself genuinely, and a girl gets upset, it's pretty easy just to shrug it off while saying to yourself (or out loud) "hey, it's just who I am." What that tells her is that it's okay. If she's gonna accept YOU, she's gotta accept that side of you. You want girls to accept you as a sexual man from the beginning. Hence, it's a good thing to create these moments for yourself, where there girl is trying to project shame onto you, getting you to backpedal from some bold sexual thing you've said or done, and it's absolutely relationship defining when she sees that you don't feel the need whatsoever to take it back. It's the realness that'll win her over. This can all be done OVER TEXT, which in fact I consider the absolute pinnacle of text game -- as in, I've met girls, had short interactions with them, and then had such awesome txt msg exchanges that by the time I was knocking on her door I didn't even get one WORD out before I had her pinned against the wall, fade lights to black. Like, even I've been shocked at how little I actually had interacted with this girl and now holy shit I'm in her apartment FUCKING HER!? It can all move so fast it'll make your head spin. I'm pretty sure this is what these RSD guys mean when they say that pickup "sounds like WOOSH" but I'm not sure. But my whole point of it all is that you need a purpose. Are you trying to meet up (basic txt game)? Are you trying to have a scorching hot sexual conversation (ADVANCED txt game)? Or where you just getting so much satisfaction from talking to her that you didn't want to stop? Remember what I said above about leaving yourself wanting more - it really is important. Even when I go sexual, I do it because it makes us want to fuck each other so bad - it's good.

Best of luck man.
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