October 23rd, 2018
Burning High school to the ground.
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Join Date: 07/17/2009 | Posts: 330

Seriously, re-title this to 'burning high school(s)' to the ground.  Okay.  There was a play out at another high school, and I promised a mate I'd go and support him.  well, another friend, the ex (Ill call her AB) (angry babe) was showing up, and she saved me a seat.  I felt hell of low energy the whole time, it was great.  Pop in, my name gets called.  I come over to a couple girls I'd known from years back.  blah blah blah, warming up.. I go and pick a seat next to AB.  She does alot of the usual stupid really pushing shit tests, and I don't feel a thing.  I look behind me, and notice a couple dudes from a clique the guy I was going to support was in.  I go in there, and one of the dudes looks like he fucking hates life. The other superchode I had met a couple weekends ago now acted like a total dickhead.  Whatever.  

The show starts.  The show gets in halfway.  I stop by and see another friend, meet her mom, blah blah.  Apparently her mother punched a guy that her daughter was dating.  That's why you don't game high school girls/girls who live with their parents.

Anyway, the show ends, and the girl I'm with was too nervous to approach a guy that sat in her sixth period class.  He was in the play, and he was her brad pitt or something.  I decided it was time for her to learn a lesson, and went up to the guy.

"AYE."  I have a friend over there, and she's so nervous she won't even come over here to talk to you.  She wanted a picture with you but she's too shy.
"Oh, the girl who sits in sixth and never talks to me?"
"Yeah, her." (beckoning towards AB)

So she pussies out.  Man, this must be what it's like being a instructor.  Anyway, we go outside and I bust on her about being lame.  Oh well.  Everyones leaving, and they need help setting shit up.  They have this really, really cute 25 year old teacher that's asian.  Aye, I knew I'd kick myself if I at least didn't say hi to her.  So I nut up, and ask her if she knows xyz from my school.  She doesn't, and it feels really tense.  Then I say something about her looking like her dark twinsister, or something, and she breaks the tension with laughter.  Note to self: tension fucking sucks.  Anyway, AB comes over and she relaxes a bit over casual conversation.  I bid her farewell, I had to go find my friend.  Apparently the teacher clubs alot, and I'm making it a point to hit the clubs in six months.  ;P.  One of my mates was 16 at the time, and had a 24 year old game him, pick him up and fuck him.  So I figure it can be done.

Anyway, it's getting late, but I don't mind.  I'm running around talking to different people, high fiving girls, etc.  Then mr. 'brad pitt deluxe', pops in behind me and AB and says "AYE, ..can I get a picture with you?"

Haha.  Goal reached.

Her.."Sure."  Watching her reaction was like watching the worlds biggest chode try to game a turbo.    I offer to take it, and I try to get him to claw her, it looks so fucking awkard the position their in.  He declines. "I have a girlfriend."
What the fuck?

Whatev., dude.  Their body language will tell you the theme of the picture.

Haha.  I find a old friend, we chat.  It's about time to go, I take AB out, and by this time I'm super out of state.  I decide it's time to get shot down hard.  I grab her, and go to kiss her.  "Get away from me!"  Ouch.  I let it sink in, and sting.  I went all 'ecky power of now' style,  and watch how I felt.  Butthurt ego deluxe.  We ended up walking home, and it's funny how you can completely ignore what happened and continue on like normal. 

Oh well.  At least I had the balls to do it.

"Happiness does not come from a vagina. It goes into one."-Utopia5
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Join Date: 10/28/2009 | Posts: 51

I stop by and see another friend, meet her mom, blah blah. Apparently her mother punched a guy that her daughter was dating. That's why you don't game high school girls/girls who live with their parents.

Well, as long as you aren't a total dickhead and the parents like you, they won't punch you. Not dating high school girls or girls because they live with their parents just sounds like excuses to me.

But I gotta love that picture. Classic "I'm-a-chode" position. That guy must be major whipped since he apparently can't even put his arm around a girl without creating a massive shitstorm with his girlfriend. I feel very bad for him.
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Join Date: 07/17/2009 | Posts: 330

Hahaha. Exxagerated sarcasm on that part, but yeah.  True.

Apparently he's one of those 'church chodes'.  She ended up getting his number and apparently they talked for two and a half hours.  Word.

Today was fun-er. 

I walk in and see like 8 girls at once that I'm famliar with.  If I hadn't gotten into RSD, I would've known 2 of them.  One goes to hug me, I have to stop her to finish up convo with another girl.  Not massively playerish, but I don't like cutting convo's mid-half.  First period was another one of those 'long drawn out videos'.  More fun roleplay times.  The hbfreshies in a relationship though, so it'll have to wait.  (she's content in it) 

Third I spotted a old girl who I superchoded around with years ago rewalking the hallways, she was lost.  "You've been walking in a square for like ten minutes now!"  " I DONT KNOW WHERE IM GOING."

FUCK.  I should've stopped right then, but my feet kept moving.
Remember that next time. 

Went into 3rd, super deluxe times.  The really hot bitchy girl apparently broke up with her boyfriend.  I used to think being a 'rebound' was a bad thing. ;P

I go to the in school club.  Exneverclosedblondie is being weird.  Or maybe she's just shit testing, I don't know.
Leave out, go to lunch.  Wonder what I can get away with, end up pouring chips all over cute asiantooyoung's face, twas' hilarious.  I seriously need to one up these social scales.
I ask a UG : " how can you wear that shirt?  You live in x y z". (opposite team)  Another hb7 chimes in when the fatty leaves, "I know, how could she wear that shirt?"  I bailed to the bathroom. WTF.  
Not again.  Stay in set/meet her.  Jesus christ.
Fifth we had something like speed dating, but speed studying.  I spoke to everyone in the class, even the chodes/fuckers I don't like.  Alot of good eye contact practice.  The asian cutie was fun, too.
Oye, note to self:  More conversations, more expression.

I watched a video on the experiment done where they put fake inmates and prison guards in, and how they had to stop it because the guards got too tough, and the inmates went crazy.  It was only going on for six days, but these people took on the identities/behaviors of their projected role.  Not to mention that, but the guards took the whole 'status' way too far.  Great example of how your 'identity' affects behavior.

Then I had to go home.  funliterature, and now some chodey kid from awhile back is txing me
"you herd me foggot??????!"


"Happiness does not come from a vagina. It goes into one."-Utopia5
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Join Date: 07/17/2009 | Posts: 330

Lets see...

Wake up.  Tired as fuck, bizzare state.  Go out, desensitize ASAP.  Was talking to a group of people and flopped out with "At least my cock isn't hanging out."  ("Your zipper, dude.")  It was more of a 'shock and awe'.

First period a bit of the cocky funny was coming back.  Like random shit, that is just funny.  Feels good to always have something to say, but lately it comes and it goes.
I get out into second.  A bunch of joking around.  The bitchy girl behind me drops her calc, and I pick it up.  "Sweet calculator."  "Um excuse me?"  Man, some girls have serious issues.  I can honestly see why high school makes or breaks alot of people.  

I'm walking to third.  I spot ex girlfriend.  She's still acting weird.  Maybe it's just me.  Tell some dude he looks like another guy I know.  Bounce to third.  Hbsacagawea(cutie that sits next to me) is asleep.  Fuck!  Not much to say, besides drawing boundaries with some girl who kept playfully hitting me.  Its one thing to hit playfully, but to fucking attack someone is another story.  Fuck that.

I m going from third to fourth.  I'm bantering with hbbitchy, and I slip into what happened to her boyfriend.  FUCK, DON'T DO THAT.  Apparently, her boyfriend dumped her.  Either the dudes alpha, or she is a bore.  It's hard to think of hotties as clingy, but the truth is they are the same as any other girl, just with stronger external realities.  Why is it girls who play hard to get respond to players?  Players don't do stupid shit, like give too much validation/act needy.  Strict, straight to the point.

Fourth: Dude city.  Fifth:  I read pyschocybernetics, and a part about "What is the worst that can happen?"  Opened my eyes.  Most of the time we make mountains out of molehills.  Man, that bitchy girl in fifth either wants my cock and is creepy, or completely hates me.  Either way, she has issues. 
   I leave the classroom, take a piss and turn the corner.  Cute filipino girl is standing at the soda machine, but I don't approach.  Damn, I need to hop.  To make up for it, I approach some 6 with "Is xyz cool? (On shirt)  Fun interaction.  Whatever.  Got to push the envelope.I hop out to lunch.  I find a friend of mine, and she's hanging out with two girls.  I chat them up about random shit, and we're having a good time.  I find out the line I want to be in, isn't the one Im in.  BOUNNNCE.

Some girl tries testing me.  "Why are you always talking?"  (She always catches me talking to someone)
blahblahblah.  Meet some dude.  Go outside.  Try hardest to keep shit flowing.  Oye.

Sixth was coolshit deluxe.
Stayed after.  Teased some girls in math classroom.  Out into god knows what, I was roaming.  Spot a group of freshman girls.  Met them all, apparently they were putting up a board.  I sign my name up there as a senior.  Good times.

Met up with half k.  She's seriously starting to invade on me hardcore physically, all onto my time and space.  Great sign of where I'm at with her, but I don't want to settle down.  She doesn't either, because she's shit scared of relationships.  But she's getting wayyy more touchy feely, cherish timez.  

I feel like I get this whole 'plug' whenever I cherish.  It's ego food.  I can't date half k.  It's like being promised access to a entire parking lot of cars, and only getting one.  I've got more work to do, and I want internal fulfillment.  I don't want to be reliant on girls, on people to tell me who I am.  I want to forge my own reality, and keep it that way.

I used to think "core confidence, must have!"  But moreso I want the world ot be a light place, like it was when I had the external strong reality.  But more...deeper.  I don't want to have to worry about what I'm going to say.  I don't want to worry about how I"m going to handle the next hour.  I want confidence.

Oye.  Whenever I talk, I just vomit words.  I don't even think about them, it's like theres a 'block' in my head preventing me from thinking about what I'm saying.

"Happiness does not come from a vagina. It goes into one."-Utopia5
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Join Date: 07/17/2009 | Posts: 330

Mm.  Progressively chipping away..not instant results.  Man, it's so hard 'working towards' something, when you've been constantly pampered/not had to work for shit your whole life.  I grew up getting what I wanted doing virtually nothing, and seeing any kind of work as bad. 

Was late today.  Got in school late-ish.  Check in to see hbcuteclingygirl with her face in her hands and her dad next to her in the front office.  She's cute, but deff. headscrew/clingy as fuck.  Maybe not even clingy, just depressed all the time.  Hop into second a couple minutes late, it's whatever.  No warm up sets, so the first bit of conversation still feels 'awkard'.  I don't have the whole 'it's the right thing to say because you say it' belief, that I'm working on.  
Went from 2nd-3rd super in head deluxe.  Made it to third, and half the kids weren't there.  They were off at some test, cool.  I look back on my conversations, and I realize I'll be conversing, and the interaction will go fine.  Then I'll get this feeling like 'you can't do this', and say some weird shit that sabotages me.  Self sabotage, literally.  Got to hang the fuck off that.  I finished my test, and had one of those 'in the now' moments for roughly 10 minutes.  That feeling you get where conversation is 'smooth', and you can never run out of things to say.  As if your beliefs temporarily dissipate to let you work your magic.  But after that, when you go into a new enviornment, your afraid to do it again, because you might not get the same validation you got before, and you feel anxious/self doubt yourself before speaking.  I know what's happening, and it's still  a mindfuck.  My ego LOVES feeling like a bitchy victim.  I'll break free of it temporarily, then I'll go right back into trancemode feeling like a victim who can't get shit done because outside forces 'contain' me.  It's a innergame issue.  
Fourth-Really long on conversations about music movements I don't know shit about
Lunch- Self amusement deluxe in lunch line, then chode

I'm not pushing myself to do shit, and that's the problem.  The only way I can gain 'confidence', is to push myself through all the scary shit that has to be done.  So tommorow is 'comfort' challenge.  Whatever I think about doing, I have to do.  realitstically, I probably won't do all of it, but I'm going to damn well try.

heres to progress

"Happiness does not come from a vagina. It goes into one."-Utopia5
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Join Date: 07/17/2009 | Posts: 330

I'm really restricted for time.  I'll cut the fat.

Early morning, warm up say whatever set.  I had forgotten that you can talk about absolutely nothing.  A group of black dudes came up to me and one of them did some sort of weird wiggle dance motion.  that shit was great, it set the tone for conversations for the rest of the day.

I ran off into first, and finally am getting back in the groove of socializing normally.  My state went goodgoodgood let it build AND crash after 2nd.  Like I could feel the 'high', the buildup, and then the 'crash'.  Validation seeking? I don't know.  
Jumped into third and felt all weird and shit.  State rose again in fourth, and again build build build build;  (Not mentioning bunches of sets here and there, 'trimming fat').  I make it to fifth, and things are going great.  Finally unstifling a bit more, and it occured to me out of the blue how bullshit it is that I tend to give hot girls better treatment than normal girls.  I realized this after thinking about how even if a hot girl is bitchy, she isn't worth anything.  Like, rotten to her core.  Creepy deluxe.  I thought "Who the fuck are they to get better treatment than others?"  So that's one of my new values/standards.  Incorporating not giving hotties any more 'special treatment' than others.

Got into lunch, and I'm starting to feel more normal, more 'congruent'.  I forgot how fluctuating girls shit tests are, when you start to present yourself as more confident.  Left and right at the lunch table, shit test, shit test. " Why do we hang out with you?"  (I looked back on this and analyzed it, but I was running a normal conversation, and they were having fun.  No weird game, no gimmicks.  Self amusement, and pure fun times)  
Theres this black girl that kept asking me for my name, and I kept playing it off C+F.  She's persistant, and one of those 'really hard shit testing types'.  All the girls are shit testing me and I'm holding state, until the black girl mentions something about me 'being ugly'.  I don't really think she thinks that, and if she does, it's really not in my jurisdiction to change her mind.  But it 'hit' something somewhere.  Telling myself I was unreactive would be a lie.  I lost a bit of state, but pulled back in around 5th.

So my state waned up and down until after school.  I was in'antinimbus' times, and I'm walking across the hallway with my mate.  I see my ex one-itis (the sole 'instigator' of my 'victim mentality')  the one I can't look at because of some subconscious issues in the past(read: chodey heartbreaking moments)  I associate her with pain, I guess.  Anyway, she's walking with my ex girlfriend that isn't too cute from 9th grade, and her brother.  

"Didn't you miss the bus?" Flat tonality.  maybe came off a bit weak (said to them)

I look at one-itis, and she gives me this "dead" look.  The look of fury mixed with cold, and doesn't say anything.  The ex girlfriend of mine says BR "Don't talk to her, faggot!"  and then her little shit brother pushes me and says, "Yeah, faggot." 

First instinction:  Kick that little shit in the face.
Second thought: Stand ground
Third thought:  Think of myself as a victim and go into super sulk mode for the next thirty minutes.

I've got serious shit I've got to sort out in my past with that girl, and then move on.  I feel the whole reason I got into this game ties into her in one way or another. 
Weird thing is, I haven't said shit to either of them that's 'offensive' in the past three days anyway.

Does it matter?  Yeah, a little.  Should it?  No.

Re-creating the reality guys, bear with me.

Oh, and met another honey at the library.  Didn't get much interaction going, oh well.
"Happiness does not come from a vagina. It goes into one."-Utopia5
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Join Date: 07/17/2009 | Posts: 330

The new joke- "Shut up, faw-geettt."  Take something painful/embarassing, and flip it into funny.  Did lucid shit again last night, and didn't sleep well.  Woke up late, hopped into third.  It was like ego city, stuck in head be-littling self.  Then I hopped into the hallway, and kind of just said FUCK IT.  There awaited me the longest line of new moon nerds period.  There are some serious hotties that are into that kind of thing.  I meet up with half k, and she's talking to some hb7 about the movie.  I introduce myself, and ask opinion on which dude is she more interested in.  I'm starting to think more 'adding to social circle' versus just attracting hotties.  Instead of running game on every girl I see, why not befriend a couple.  Instead of thinking every girl I meet needs to be layed, it's easier to pursue ones I'm actually interested in, and keep fun flirty vibes with girls I'm not.

I turn around, and see another girl I had apparently met.  It's pretty bad when you start getting "I've already met you", every other day.  Oh well.  I met her short cute asian midget friend, with a funny name.  They were both fun to banter with, and i hit that 'indifference threshold', for the day.  Where you just let go, and things start happening.  You don't try, you just DO.  That oh so sweet spot where I don't think about what I say, whether it will be good enough, any of that shit.  Next thing I know I'm talking to groups of girls about opinions/what not.

I wore a pair of really obnoxious looking glasses today, to counter the whole 'looking good' all the time rule.  Didn't affect the interaction one bit.  I had the girl in second tell me I looked like a rapist, and she kept trying to get me to react.  I kept flipping the frame towards " I don't hate you, I'm just fucking with you."  You could see the whole class watching our interaction, waiting for one of us to blow up at the other.  

Positive for today:  got back into 'that reality'.  Became more of a projecting reality type.  I had disbelieved it for a little bit, but there is some shit you can ONLY GET AWAY WITH if your congruent/unapologetic with it.  Something in the way you say it, just makes it work.  Also, I noticed I went breaking rapport tonality by default, almost like "Hey, whats up?"-ish.  Awesome shit.

Half k kept going for cuddle times, and I would push-pull physically.  She pops up on me today "My only rule for the friends with benefits thing is that You can't sleep with another girl If your sleeping with me."  I tell her I disagree.  "well, you can go sleep with another girl."

"Fine, I will."  I don't want to let go of a constant supply of sex/validation, but I know if I had to choose between improving my skills or keeping her, I'd choose skills.

We'll see how shit goes.

P.s.  Don't see new moon.  The shit is like a weak soap opera.
"Happiness does not come from a vagina. It goes into one."-Utopia5
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Join Date: 07/17/2009 | Posts: 330

I just thought about a event that happened months ago, in a major city in my state.  We were roaming the downtown area, after a show.  I was super chode, and running david style canned cocky funny miscalibrated nonsense.  I didn' tknow a damn thing about anything I was doing.

So we hit this venue where a show is playing.  There is this cutie, she's standing alone.  One of my friends say she's looking at me, and then pressures me, 'cmon dude, you do all this PUA SHIT, STEP IT UP DUDE'.  I couldn't say no.  I go nervous as bollocks.  (What a funny fucking word.)

I turn over to her, and say "Hey, which band are you here for?"

Standard response, I can't remember what she said back.  I retorted some text cockyfunny shit.  It wasn't even funny, it was like nonchalant scripted canned goodness. I just sit there making nervous weird conversation, and then I turn back.  I had some sort of ego like "Yeah man, play hard to get.  Open her, then stop talking and let her do shit, it'll show how much she likes you."  Total miscalibrated david half assedness combined with no social skills.

 So anyways, since I'm not engaging her my good looking friend who I wouldn't quite call a natural, because he's introvert, but he has a closer mindset starts talking to her.  She shit tests him with "I have a boyfriend", and he gives up.
My other chode good mate(this guy is super chode, but the proclaimed 'alpha' of the group)  comes in and talks to her.  He keeps talking, and talking, and we find out she came to the venue alone.  She didn't even like any of the bands.  I'm completely blown out by now, and give up all hope.  So they keep talking back and forth.  She's texting her friend saying "I wonder if I should tell them I have a boyfriend."  

Weird shit happens.  Show is over, but for my AMOG chode friend he pulls her from the show with us.  But it's a logistic nightmare, as he drove us, and we live cities away.  We would have stayed out to get him laid, but he never thought about it.
So we actually go to her boyfriends pad, in this really pimp suite for a couple drinks.  The guy screams RICH CHODE.  He sits in his room all day, and works on the computer managing a company.  The guys introvert, and really shy by nature.  She keeps shooting my chode friend IOI's/extract me please, but he doesn't see it.  We leave. 

He calls her back a couple weeks later, and the number flakes.  He didn't capitilize on his oppurtunity to close, I went this over with the friend that approached her/gave up, and we came to the conclusion that she wanted to get laid.  She actually got in the car with all four of us.

God knows if she wanted a 'group way'. 

Vague memory from the chode vault.
"Happiness does not come from a vagina. It goes into one."-Utopia5
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Join Date: 07/17/2009 | Posts: 330

Yesterdays FR didn't make it.  Oh well.

I finally dropped mr. miscalibrated weird pickup man persona, and am adopting more 'fun social guy'.  The difference is phenomenal. 

Today there was a event that showcased cars that people had that went to the school.  Twas' a huge social event everyone looks forward to all year.

I've been working on this new NLP exercise that helps you draw state.  I never seriously gave it a shot before, it's simple.  Vividly imagine a time when you felt most confident.  How you felt, what you saw, etc.  It never worked for me before, because I had never felt confident before.

Oh well.  Onward-

First rolls in, and I've got to get the ball rolling.  I jump into the show de car, and it's dead-mau5.  No, the place is fucking stale, like bread.  No music, it's cold, and there are twohundred ish people there, and no one is saying a damn thing.  Oh well.  I start looking for mates, and I come across a couple girls.  "Fuck it, let's do this."  I meet some girls friend, and I'm ignoring any possible shit tests/vomiting words.  I wasn't going for pure pickup persona today, but moreso 'banterman'.  People are so passive/stifled, shits not even funny.  They don't mind just sitting there and watching while you and others engage in conversation.  They call those 'social dead ends'.  My state starts to lower, and I know what I have to do.  I'm with a friend and the freshman girl from first, and one of them mentions a dance move called 'the jerk'.  This move is retarded.  

It's like hands on your knees meets epilepsy.  Seriously dumbest looking shit you can do.  I go up to a group of black guys, and ask them if they'll show me.  They refuse.  "Nah man, I can't do that."  I guess they figured they are too cool for it?  I dont know.

So now I'm on a quest.  Find someone who can teach me how to do 'the jerk', and execute it in front of a large number of people.

I see a black girl from fourth hanging out with a black girl from second, and two other black girls.  DING!  I run over to them.  "OYE, Look, I know you know 'the jerk'.  I need someone to teach me."

I love black girls who know how to have fun.  One of them calls out "AYE, TURN THE JERK ONNN", and we rush over to the back of the car.  I'm doing the white jerk, and next thing I know I'm knighted the professional 'jerk-er'.  A good 50 or so people saw me do this, it was glory times.

After that it was time to go.  My next two classes wouldn't be going back to the carshow, so it was alot of same old.  State went down again.  Oh well.  I hop out into fourth, and that teacher is going.   Cool;  Grab my shit, and head out to the playing field.  The entire time I was wearing this multi-colored tie, in a weird 'peacocking' way.  I kept trying to tie a double windsurf.  I see a cutie standing against the wall, smiling at me talking to my friend.  I'm in.
"You can't tie a windsurf, can you?"  My openers these days are normally situational.

"No, I can't hahaha."  
"Oh, I've been fidgeting with this thing for like ten minutes."
"Oh really?  something something."
I ask her name, greet her, and my mind goes 'ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSABOTAGE'.  I wheel off into the distance.  Remembering that girl for monday, it's on.  I sigh as I write this next bit.

So I'm on the move.  I just finished a tea, and I'm going more playful.  I chuck a small piece of ice at my ex girlfriend that I never close, and she smiles, hits me playfully, and then keeps on walking.  I throw another piece, and she walks up to me, stares me straight in the face  (I remember hearing my thoughts going : Hold eye contact, keep state) and then she slaps me.  Hard.

There goes state.  Without turning into a raging blind sack of shit, I grab her as she struggles away and tell her in the most br tonality I could muster:  "Don't fucking hit me."  I don't mind getting playfully punched, but seriously hit is one of my boundaries.

She struggles away from me, turns her back and runs off.  I get the weird feeling, I'll call it 'broken car' effect.  My stomache feels like this mix of paranoia, fear, embarassment, and anger.  FUCK.

I walk over to my other social circle, and the girls still talking.  I can't hear her though, my heads racing.  none of them saw, but man it was shitty.
I take a five minute break, recoup and decide not to let it bother me.  It was kind of in the background for the rest of the day, though.

I take a couple friends over to a few cars and start taking pictures.

Heres a few I took

I sigh again, looking back on that.  Wasn't the better part of the day.  I walk over to a girl that drives my friend around.  She's not cute, but is probably great for social gains.  I ask what she's doing, she says she's busy all week.  Suuuuuuuuuuuuuure.  Oh well.

I see a cutie walking around, asian deluxe.  I want her, but AA gets the better of me.  I spot three-four friends, and don't want to get blown out with them watching.  Something I have to work out.

I'm standing next to the cars, and the same ex- girlfriend who slapped me walks back over with her friend, and it goes something like this:

"Are you mad at me?" 

(Is that a serious question?  It's like she's in fucking elementary school again.)

"Yeah, pretty irritated with you.  That was unneccesary, and you really crossed the line."  (BR)

"Oh, I just wanted to say I'm sorry.  I was really pissed off at the time, and I just snapped.  Do you forgive me?"

"Sure", I muttered.  

"Well, I just wanted to say I was sorry."  and she leaves.  

Okay, great.  So the outside party is over.  Now it's time for the inside party.  I head into fifth for inside party deluxe.  Alot of the kids in the class are musically talented, so it was a fun time.  It hit me in the middle of it that a WHOLE PURPOSE I had missed about this whole pickup/socializing process is it isn't supposed to be all about results.  It's not supposed to be painful.  It's supposed to be fun, and having fun/giving value to a situation is one of the best things you can do to a girl/people besides plowing the girl with her knees on your shoulder.

Inner peace feels good.  I spoke to the really shitty ego-ic girl who normally gives me bullshit, and she was actually neutral.  I look back on what I was doing, and I must have came across as a pretty retarded guy.  I'm starting to see a bit of the 'social rules', that exist, that I was oblivious to.

I leave to go to lunch.  Wing girl still isn't back from sickness.  Where the fuck are you, wing girl?  Anyway;  There are only three girls there, and the envior-in 5th is way funner.  I head back there, and invite a friend back.

and there she is:  My marla singer.    My ex oneitis that never ceases to stifle my state when I see her.  To make a long story short, I was a chode, and the first real ever 'heartbreak' I ever felt/obsession with a girl was her.  Baadddd obsession.  Even though I don't like her now, there are weird as fuck subconscious links to that girl.

I'm dicking around, and I still am not talking to her.  She leaves, and everything becomes clear again.  There is probably alot of embedded shit in my head that I need to remove.  I'm joking around, whatever.  Then this real spanish hottie comes in and sits next to this quiet girl.  The same one I was throwing beanbags at as a opener after school.  "HEY, your the guy I was throwing beanbags with!"  
Glad I made myself memorable.  

and there it happens again:  My mind goes blank.  I sabotage myself, because I don't believe I deserve a girl of that caliber.  I pick the beanbags up and we go at it again.  Other people are jumping in now, and it went from a 1-1 to a 1-3.  This chode jumps in trying to talk to her, trying to intercept the beanbags.  "NO, GIVE IT TO HIM.  WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE FUN HERE."


I realize:  I can get much hotter girls.  I can be the high value cool guy, but I just don't give myself permission.  I know this, but I don't feel it.  I don't believe it.
If I wasn't jumping in my way so often, I would have great results.  

She leaves, and a couple guys come in.  These guys reek of 'high value' cool vibe.  They are the kids wearing trendy ed hardy with socks and sandals.  (Who the fuck wears socks and sandals?)  They interact with people in a 'I'm messing with you, I'm having fun." vibe.  

Finally, fifth is out, sixth is in.  I'm going to a school 'afterparty'.  (Not really a 'party', but gathering for academic accelerators)  and I meet up with half k.
I'm walking through tables, and then I see half k talking to the table my ex girlfriend, one itis and this other asian girl are at.  

You ready for what happens next?

SABOTAGE.  I literally go from being about to think thoughts in my head to having this mental 'block' that stifles my thoughts and brings me out of the moment.  I start rambling on shit I shouldn't, and the next thing I know one of the girls is insisting I leave.  "Yeah, you can leave.  Yeah, you can leave."  She wasn't going to give up.  Ouch.  It didn't hit the 'gut' until I thought about what was happening.  Oh well. 

It's about time to leave, and I'm walking by.  A real cutie is giving me shifty eyes.  I walk past her, and she says something out loud, I can't remember what.

I keep walking, and she yells at me, "OH and my NAME IS XYZ."

Can you scream "Come talk to me, I'm interested in you?"  I think you can.  I'm worn out as fuck, but a la ozzie: "One more set."

I go over, introduce;  Light qualification, quick kino, meet her friend, then the bell rings.  She's a freshman, though.  I'm going to remember that face come monday.

So let's go over:  The good, the bad, the ugly.

The good:  Drew state from within, pushed through bad feelings
Realized you should be having a fun time
Found actual examples and things that hold me back. 
Didn't break out and slap a girl
Opened two new girls, met a third and a couple guys.
I've 'planted seeds', and I'm well known, if not me directly, 'of me'.  Whether it's entirely good or bad is something else.  There are plenty of people to hang out with, and I don't mind taking iniative, but I don't have a car right now.  I don't see the point of trying to hang out if I have to get other transportation that isn't reliable.

The bad:
Rambling on and on about dumb shit
Sabotaging self

The ugly:

Getting slapped in front of 20-30 people
Getting told to leave in front of ex-oneitis
Fattie who went for a hug

This concludes my heavy thanksgiving day post.

My question to you is

have you ever been slapped offensively and maintained state?
"Happiness does not come from a vagina. It goes into one."-Utopia5
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Respected Member

Join Date: 07/17/2009 | Posts: 330

Posting this for self reflection:

You can't fool yourself into thinking you can have a 'emotional' connection with a FB.  That's a relationship, they are too different things.  I guess the needier side of my comes out, when I don't keep my habits checked.  Lately my FB is turning needychode mode on me.  I actually didn't mind it, until I re-snapped out of it.  Definitely not ready for cherish times yet, and I don't think I would do cherish times with her.  It's time to cut that chodey 'I can satisfy your emotions shit', and justify it with "I told her not to get too attached to me."  

"Leave her better than you found her." 
"Happiness does not come from a vagina. It goes into one."-Utopia5
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