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December 7th, 2016
Masculine polarity - upsides, downsides?
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mattyc

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/27/2008 | Posts: 166

I'm working on having a more masculine polarity in my relationships with women.  A bit more forward, more "go-getting", unashamedly sexually interested in them, etc.  Girls like this, a lot (of course, it's flattering) - but I feel that it's putting me in a chasing role, and then girls try to make things difficult for me, show more resistance, start screening me, get more reserved, more passive, frame me as the chaser and them as the screener, etc etc you know the drill.  I don't know how to frame this any differently without looking/feeling/being weak and/or un-masculine. 

Positive ideas and viewpoints very welcome.
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#1

sctr

Member

Join Date: 12/25/2008 | Posts: 73

do it for yourself is what i gotta say.

let her come to you. masculine polarity is more about keeping in touch with your inner man, it is through this that she will see that. and the role of chasing/ and the whole trying rapport would not take place.

there is no down to this, its all in your head if your thinking of the worst. masculine polarity is also about living a life of fulfilment, your living in a world of abundance.

hope that made sense.

-sctr
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#2

sjoasja

Senior Member

Join Date: 04/08/2008 | Posts: 110

 first off.. im in the same boat , so  i'll just tell you what i have been telling myself. 

You shouldn't  want to be more masculine so that girls like you. Just do what makes you happy for example : You see hot girl.. you feel attracted to her , its a good feeling right ? Express the good feelings, act on it.  Don't try to be masculine so that the girls will like you. Be a man because that is you and express your manliness. 

Hope this helps 
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#3

Rich~

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/19/2006 | Posts: 1573

You can have a "screening" masculine vibe too..

It all comes down to value, and who wants what from who.  If your value to the woman is greater than her value to you (not as in SELF-WORTH, but as in "something the other person desires") then she'll chase you harder than you chase her.

Search for anything on "social vacuum" on these boards.  It's basically sitting there and letting her qualify herself.  It's rooted in you knowing WHAT YOU'RE WORTH to girls and seeing if they're suitable to come along for the ride.  Tyler talks about "staying with the tension" in his bit on masculine polarity on Blueprint actually.
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#4

ds~

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/17/2007 | Posts: 325

you already are polarity, you just have to embrace it, its not separate from you in my opinion...

the more experiences you have the more *polaraising* you get...iow more exp = more centred...

but none of this would involve you doing anything based on what you have read here...better to do what you feel like doing.
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#5

sjoasja

Senior Member

Join Date: 04/08/2008 | Posts: 110

ds~ wrote:
better to do what you feel like doing.
THIS.
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#6

YaBoiRayDawg

Trusted Member

Join Date: 03/02/2009 | Posts: 1499

well you are chasing aren't you? thats the whole reason you're adopting masculine polarity.
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#7
Hamlet

Hamlet

Respected Member

Join Date: 12/08/2008 | Posts: 589

All the above answers are true. Especially the bits about not being masculine IN ORDER to get her. Do it because it's who you ARE.

Here's what I would add: Masculine energy doesn't always manifest itself in action. It can also be a silent observing energy. Like having deep eye contact with her but speaking few words. All your actions, words, movements have purpose behind them. Eye-fuck chicks. This will get them chasing.

Remember it's all yin-yang. Find a balance between woo and intent, high and low energy. No need to go all-out in one direction, in fact this is unhealthy (other than for short-term experimenting with states).
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#8
TransgressiveFiction

TransgressiveFiction

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/01/2009 | Posts: 251

Watch the main guy at Pride & Prejudice to learn about masculine polarity, I tried to match it, and is very difficult, you really have to be grounded in yourself to achieve such a goal.
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#9

mattyc

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/27/2008 | Posts: 166

Thanks guys...

Ok, I hear what you guys are saying... the problem is that if I don't express interest  / call / text / ask for her number, nothing will happen (believe me, I speak from experience here).  If I sit there and wait for the girl to come to me (or stop running the conversation / doing stuff / being awesome), she'll get bored and go talk to someone else or be chatted up by someone else (again, speaking from experience).  If I don't call, she won't call.  If I don't text, she won't text.  Occasionally I try doing nothing and see what happens - and of course nothing happens.  It's not a big leap for a girl to realise that the guy calling her wants her or wants something from her (like all the other guys who call her do), and she starts to phrase this or think of this as me chasing, and she resists and/or does nothing herself.
I then assume I'm trying too hard, and I try a lot less, wait to hear from her, etc.  She will then do nothing and perhaps I'll text her in a week or two and hear nothing back.

> let her come to you. masculine polarity is more about keeping in touch with your inner man, it is through this that she will see that. and the role of chasing/ and the whole trying rapport would not take place.

The problem is that they don't come to me.  Girls don't approach me, girls don't make the first move with me, girls don't ask for my number, and girls don't call me first.  They are passive, they wait for me to call, and when I do they seem to expect me to do all the work (eg setting up a date).  If I do do all the work, then something might happen but it will be based entirely on me making it happen.  If I don't do all this, I don't hear from her again.

> there is no down to this, its all in your head if your thinking of the worst. masculine polarity is also about living a life of fulfilment, your living in a world of abundance.

I am not living in a world of abundance, and I am trying to fix things so that I am - that's why I'm here.
The whole "live life in abundance" is a very good mentality, but it doesn't quite make sense... if I have a million beautiful girls in harem at home, why the hell am I in the bar?  If I have girls after me all the time, why did I go and talk to her?  If I'm having round the clock sex, why have I called or answered the phone?  Let's face it, we call people because we want something of mutual goodness to both of us.

I invite my friends to the bar because I want to go to a bar with them for our mutual enjoyment, and they get back to me and we go to the bar.
I invite girls out because I want to go out with them for our mutual enjoyment, and they don't get back to me, don't return the favour, frame it as me chasing them, or ignore me.

I generally don't worry too much about one girl (there are many), but this scenario happens an awful lot and I need it fixed.

> : You see hot girl.. you feel attracted to her , its a good feeling right ? Express the good feelings, act on it.

Right.. so I do that.  I see hot girl, I go talk to hot girl, I tell hot girl I like hot girl, etc. etc.  Then I get said hot girl's number if I want to see hot girl again, I call hot girl because I'd like to speak to her (and let's face it, she won't call me) and hot girl views me as just another guy trying to get into her pants, rather than as an awesome sexy hot guy whose pants she'd be lucky to get into.

This seems to be how girls think/behave .... "The person calling is the person chasing, and I don't call".

> It all comes down to value, and who wants what from who. If your value to the woman is greater than her value to you (not as in SELF-WORTH, but as in "something the other person desires") then she'll chase you harder than you chase her.

Yes, and to demonstrate that you have value, you must communicate this to her, without showing off, seeking rapport or chasing.  I get that.  I do all that.  I'm a bright guy, I'm pretty confident, relaxed, and girls generally like me.  Things generally go ok when I talk to girls, I tease them, I communicate well, I get about the right level of interest and disinterest (I think), I'm not clingy, I'm fun and intelligent and people generally like to talk to me.  Then we swap numbers, and boom I'm slotted into the chasing frame and things go downhill from there no matter what I do or don't do.

> Search for anything on "social vacuum" on these boards. It's basically sitting there and letting her qualify herself. It's rooted in you knowing WHAT YOU'RE WORTH to girls and seeing if they're suitable to come along for the ride. Tyler talks about "staying with the tension" in his bit on masculine polarity on Blueprint actually.

So... I sit there and smile at her?  Sit there and let her talk, doing very little?  I don't call her?  I ask a massive question and sit there till she answers it, looking expectantly at her?  I've tried all this, and it's not too effective at making the girl want to jump on me.  More like she feels uncomfortable and leaves.

>better to do what you feel like doing.

What I feel like doing is making the effort and have her make the effort too.  But she doesn't.  I text, she texts back, I flirt, she flirts back, I suggest we go out, I get "I don't think that's a good idea" or "down boy" or some other variation of "you want me more than I want you and I'm going to make this hard for you by showing you I'm not interested and putting you in the weak position of trying to get me to go out with you after I've shown disinterest in you".

In other words... I AM doing what I feel like doing, it just appears to be the wrong thing.  I call/text/whatever her because that's what I want to do.  She frames this as me chasing her, wanting her, wanting something from her, etc. etc.

And that is my original question... how do I do what I want to do, be what I want to be, without her seeing this as me chasing her?  If I feel like talking to her, I'm chasing.  If I feel like phoning her, I'm chasing.  If I don't chase, I won't see her again.

I don't want to chase, I want her to make the effort and/or appreciate my efforts.  Neither of these is happening.

So I guess my new question is: how do I get girls to make the effort? What kind of guys do they chase? should I be aiming to have them do 25%, 50%, 75% or 100% of the work?
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#10

mattyc

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/27/2008 | Posts: 166

YaBoiRayDawg wrote:
well you are chasing aren't you? thats the whole reason you're adopting masculine polarity.
So how do I get girls without chasing ?
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