THE FORUMS

December 6th, 2016
What you Project. (The Player vs Relationship Guy)
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AdamVanWildest

AdamVanWildest

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/28/2009 | Posts: 493

So I was laying in bed with a girl I pulled last night and we had some interesting pillow talk. I'll call her Cali Blondy. The conversation started with my best friend who is engaged to his swedish girlfriend, this guy and I had been all over the world together and was the best wingman I have ever had, from 2006-2008, we had met tons of women and had incredible times all before we new about "The Game".  We were both very simular in our style except he would rarely get SNL (Same Night Lays) and usually end up in relationships.  However, I would never end up in them and always had 1 night stands.  So as Cali Blondy and I talked about this, I explained that I couldn't figure out what the difference was, I felt like we had very simular game.  She was able to pin point exactly what it was

She went on to talk about when I approached her the 1st time.  She said that everything about me told her I was a player, that I got laid a lot and that I had "NO FEAR". This made me smile.  She said that everything I did was smooth, natural and while she knew she was being gamed, she was impressed with how the entire interaction went.  She mentioned how at one point she noticed how she was mini isolated and turned away from her friends and all she could see was me and the wall and she was kind of boxed in.  Her terms for game were not good, but as she described the interaction, it made me feel good inside.  So her point was that she slept with me because she knew that I was a player, that she wouldn't have to invest anything afterwards, that I was used to sleeping with women and that I wouldn't judge her.
As for a guy like my friend, she wouldn't feel right doing so because he was more of a relationship guy, she might feel judge, it might be akward, and if she really liked him, she wouldn't want to give it up right away.
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#1
Trig

Trig

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Join Date: 05/03/2007 | Posts: 1955

Yeah, it's the old Lover/Provider distinction that they discuss in a lot of evolutionary biology books. 
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#2
Pimpski

Pimpski

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Join Date: 10/27/2006 | Posts: 1527

AdamVanWildest wrote:
 So her point was that she slept with me because she knew that I was a player, that she wouldn't have to invest anything afterwards, that I was used to sleeping with women and that I wouldn't judge her.

This is REALLY important.  Thanks for sharing.

The whole "investment" thing is a big deal.  I've always had that "relationship" vibe - no matter what I did - for a long, long time.  Mostly, because I like exploring one single girl sexually, opening her up to desires she never expected, and going down the rabbit hole with her...but thats another story. 

Then i went the POLAR OPPOSITE and couldn't get a girl to call me back after a lay to save my life.  Not that i necessarily wanted them to, just a figure of speach. :)

I just recently got back into the game, so to speak.  Leaving LA (and a girlfriend) behind and landing in a small mountain town in colorado.  It's been a strange experience of sending mixed messages.  Girls recently think I'm a player, but then think I'm more relationship material.  This even goes for girls i've flirted with over the 'net that i've known for a while.  Shit's changing in an odd way.

Anyways, one big limiting belief that I had for a LONG time, was that "girls don't like players" in which i would defend the player accusations with a "no i like to have girlfriends" statement as if thats what they want.  It was almost an autopilot response for me. 

But, in reality, everything you just mentioned above is absolutely true.  Girls do like players, exactly for these reasons. 

Thanks for the reminder :)

~P.
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#3
IvánPérez

IvánPérez

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Join Date: 07/05/2008 | Posts: 1714

Pimpski wrote:

Thanks for the reminder :)

Absolutely.

It's hard to shift from one to the other. I suppose it's the inertia principle Tyler talks about.

But well, it's also hard to change from fast game to laid back style so I guess with time you can choose more easily.

Again, thanks for this good thread.
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Some principles that have been getting me some success:
- When I'm out: it's me-time. I focus on expressing myself and doing what's fun for me, I don't care about girls. Self-absorbedness.
- 'It's all good, it's going to be fine, I am enough'. No worries or concerns. Let the dynamics work for me.
- Nobody is going to pull girls home for me. Self-image will stop you, take action regardless.
- Focus on finding a girl DTF vs. trying to game/arouse/whatever girl after girl.

IvánPérez.
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#4
crusher~

crusher~

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Join Date: 05/02/2008 | Posts: 1283

Cherish, it's like this. Women and especially hot women are getting attention all the time, they aren't as attracted to the purely physical attributes, consequently as a generalization women take longer to decide if they want to be in a relationship with a guy. Guys for the most part have to work at getting a woman and as long as she's hot, unless there is a glaring personality problem, decide quickly that they want to be in a relationship. Thus, it's the men in general who are future projecting relatively more quickly and a woman has to wonder if she sleeps with you, will you turn into a clingy needy stalker chode who is afraid that he'll never get laid again, or will you be a cool guy who gives her space and doesn't try and make something out of a fling.

Think about the article recently in the NYT about how at least among single college aged women, that the women were more attracted to a man if he was involved with someone. I have a married friend who spent the summer banging the hottie from Starbucks who is half his age and goes to school back East. She got what she wanted from him, casual sex with no ackward relationship problems. She knew that he wasn't going to get a divorce over her and they both got what they wanted. What are the odds that she could have found the same from a guy who is single? If he is a player, she might have found a FB for the summer, but guys who really can handle that aren't that numerous.

So, to answer your question, yes, these girls do exist in the UK. Ask some of the pimps from your side of the pond.

Peace
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#5
AdamVanWildest

AdamVanWildest

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Join Date: 02/28/2009 | Posts: 493

Here are a few more points that I have personally found over the last 10 years. 

* The older OR more experienced the girl, the more they recognize the difference between the two and know what they want

* Younger or inexperienced girls tend to always lean towards relationships, but don't know the difference

* Girls on Vacation look for player types

* When a girl knows you are only visiting her home area, they are more willing to sleep with you

* Its easier to get laid when you live in a big city

* Small town girls have to invest more to sleep with a guy that lives in the same town.

* College ....if you have a lot of classes with a girl = harder lay, the less you see her, the less she has to invest

* Highschool..... a whole other animal, I never got laid in highschool, not until my senior prom when I went with a girl from a neighboring town.  But it goes back to the small town theory, a girl has to invest a lot more because she will see you all the time, probably has known you for a while.  But younger girls are mostly in experienced and usually think they want relationships.

* Europe, when I lived there it was easy for SNL, girls knew that I wasn't going to live there forever and there was little investment, plus they want the adventure of a foriegner.  
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#6
Poppa was a Playa

Poppa was a Playa

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Join Date: 01/21/2009 | Posts: 172

great post
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#7
Different Cloud

Different Cloud

Senior Member

Join Date: 04/28/2009 | Posts: 243

Great Post, I spoke to a girl i know about this to collect some more details on it and it's pretty dead on what you said.

ME:
Out with friends at weekend (girls and guys) we some how got into this dicussion of Player type vs Relationship type guys when your out, can you tell the difference?
HER:
*yeah course i mean not always because some put a front on but yeah you can

ME:
*Well, my mate Sarah her point was that she slept with this guy because she knew he was a player, that he is used to sleeping with girls and that he wouldn't judge her. Also that she wouldn't have to invest anything afterwards because she knew he was only in it for a fuck, However, if he was a relationship type of guy she wouldn't have done it.
HER:
well its like when you go for a girl you can tell if there just in it for a fuck or more cant ya, it's the same with us

ME:
*She meant that she wouldn't feel right doing so because he was more of a relationship guy, she might feel judged, it might be akward, and if she really liked him, she wouldn't want to give it up right away.
HER:
Well yeah course if you like the guy youd make him work for it

ME:
Meaning, if you knew he was a player, you would just fuck him but if you liked him, you would make him invest a little, show thats he worthly before you get your tits out? ha
HER:
hahah funny but yeah. i mean i wouldnt just meet a guy and fuck him but thats me

ME:
Even if he was a player, you were attracted to him and you were horny?
HER:
we'll nah because. id just come to you :P haha ... nah i dont really sleep around much

ME:
... Much? So you have meet a guy and just fucked him?
HER:
well yeah course. but i didnt enjoy it ...Ok well i did but like id rather be with someone i knew cared for me and shit...that just just random guy

ME:
Your lieing now :) You just said you wouldnt just meet a guy and fuck him and that you didn't enjoy it? haaaaaa
HER:
haha well no i wouldnt now but i have done in the past like when i was on the drugs and shit, long time before we met

ME:
Ok, that covers up the lies (Y)
However, I'm still not convinced, even though you say you wouldn't now, I'm pretty sure you would if the guy made sure he was the one responsable for it happening and not you (so that you don't feel slutty)!
HER:
haha nah

ME:
Last point of view from your prospective, whats the main noticalbe difference between this player and relationship type guy?
HER:
well like players are mainly so full of them self and think they can get any girl they want and relationship guys are kinda the same in a why but not so forward about it

ME:
Hmmm but in a nightclub, if a 'guy' approachs you, you initaly just think he just wants sex? ... relationship guy or not.
HER:
depends how they do it

************Thats Enough**************
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#8

JAS760

Member

Join Date: 08/03/2009 | Posts: 41

Thank You Cloud
that was very interesting
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"For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be…I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. - Brad Pitt
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""Don't go out tonight. Noone will miss you. people will still be having sex tonight, with or without you.
How's that spark the fury?
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#9
NeilYo

NeilYo

Senior Member

Join Date: 06/16/2008 | Posts: 130

Although we know that the 'self is always coming through' and it's a lot down to BL, tonality, beliefs etc, I wonder if there are certain things you can do or say that can put you in that player category.

Eg. talking about sex and hooking up in a matter of fact way. Asking her if she's gotten laid recently etc.

What do you guys think?
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#10
MasterSword

MasterSword

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/06/2009 | Posts: 207

Yea, this is brought up in the blueprint also.... You don't want to come across as the "provider" guy because then she may feel like she has to wait to have sex. The reason is, as  in Adam's post, she'll feel like she is being judged. You just want to be the layed back flirting guy who get's laid and they can feel it. I'm glad i seen this post because it's very good to remember this type of thing when your out. When you have a conversation, how you project yourself right off the bat determines if your gunna get a SNL.

Goood shiiieeett!
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