THE FORUMS

December 11th, 2016
Either You Have It, or You Don't
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Suspect

Suspect

Trusted Member

Join Date: 01/24/2007 | Posts: 1237

Yeah I know you've heard it, and a lot of you probably aren't liking me right now. "Fuck you, Suspect. How dare you STEAL MY HOPE." Sorry BRAH. It's true...

Either you have it, or you don't.

So what is "it". Huh? And why don't you have "it"?

















 
 



EXPERIENCE



Yup. Tha'ts "it". That's all "it" really is. You want to know what makes a natural any different from you? Nothing, damnit, you fool. NOTHING. It's just experience. Maybe he was popular with girls in middle school, fuck if I know. Do you really believe that you're cut from a different cloth than anybody? Like, what, they've got a 24th chromosome that contains the gene for "awesome"? Stop making excuses - you were born to succeed. It's literally what you're built for. I don't care if you beleive in god, or evolution, or whatever - it's obvious, we have at least one obvious aspiration in our existence - to thrive. If mother nature is your schtick, then it's adaptation for the sake of survival and replication. If you're more of a god guy, be fruitful and multiply. It really doesn't matter, but I'll tell what - you only have a few years, don't squander them. Whatever that means for you, do it. I don't care how seriously you take them, personally I take the fact that my existence is finite seriously enough to decide that taking life seriosuly is fucking bullshit. Life's too short to stress out. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna melt into my couch, eyes glued to the TV while my mind and body fall apart for the next 40 years. There's a whole world out there to see. As far as I'm concerned, it'd be a waste of a once-in-a-lifetime shot to not help myself to a full serving of experience. Just because I believe that me even being on the face of this planet is a mere coincidence doesn't mean that I find that a valid excuse to despair or in any way not make the most of it.

Yah, get to the point already, right? You want to be "good with women"? Then get your ass OUT THERE. So what if the pretty girls didn't like you in 7th grade, life goes on. I for one am 24 years old, and it's completely bizarre to me that the girls who wounded me so deeply have grown into such fucked up, ugly people - not that I'm judging them, but holy shit ten years has hit them like a freight train. Maybe it's fair to say that they were worse off for peaking early than I ever was, rejected and lonely as I may have felt. I learn my lessons slowly, through repeated episodes of pain, that's always been true for me, but some people I see drowning in pain never seem to learn any lessons at all. Maybe I'm wrong. Actually, I hope I am. It breaks my heart to see a person, as Tyler puts it, walking through life in a daze, drowning in pain without even hope of being jarred free. It's a stark juxtaposition against the beauty that a human mind is capable of appreciating and creating, but it's just as much a part of our humanity as anything. It hurts to aknowledge, but it'd be dishonest to deny.

So what am I getting at, about pain? Nothing, really, except... it's gonna happen to you. There will be pain. I would love to tell you otherwise, and coo in your ear like a concerned mother, telling you there are no monsters in the closet. Except... the monsters are real. You can't pull the blanket over your head and pretend until they go away. You're gonna have to face them. I don't know what your poison is, I know mine, and for fuck's sake I never dreamed I'd be dredging my fears up from the depths of my soul ON PURPOSE but I am, and it's worth it.

So that's what it's all about, really. The things I've seen and done are my foundation. When I look into a girl's eyes, no matter how beautiful, I know she hasn't "got one up on me". Maybe I'm no better than her, but I'm no worse either. Really, I'm not even concerned with "better" or "worse". My experience is a well, a deep well, that continues to grow and get deeper, and from that deep well is where I draw my confidence, my sense of identity, and my personality. Where did I get that experience? Very very good question, and the whole point of this ... rant. I got it ON PURPOSE. Going out 5 nights a week for years straight? Yah, maybe it seems like all fun and games. We - people, all of us - like to cartoonize life a bit. Neon lights, bubblegum pop music, girls all prettied up, it's all so very alluring but it's hiding something. I'm still not sure what. Maybe it's just mind created delusion, origninal sin, a relic of our ancestral need to survive in a harsh world, or just an idea in my head that's not true at all. That's the about world views, is you can never be sure you're right. I guess I just try to be as pragmatic as possible - but it's hard to practical about feelings. They're so damn illogical. They ruin everything.

So that's "it". Well, as best as I can say it anyway, which probably isn't actually enough for anybody to do anything with. But it's honest. All the people I felt inferior to that motivated me "do something about it", as warped and poorly understood as my concept of life may have been and, admittedly, probably continues to be ... most of them haven't seen shit compared to what I've seen. And that's weird to say, because I never imagined I'd have anything to compare with them. That's how fucked my self esteem was, I just assumed that I was somehow beneath the rest of the world, but I'm not. It still kind of weirds me out when I find myself pretending to know less than I really do just so I can relate with some joe who once upon I time I looked at like they knew something - no, everything - that I didn't. Experience CHANGES you. It changes you in a hundred ways you won't ever be able to undo, and for as painful as those changes can be at times, I wouldn't trade them for the world. Diving into my pain has taught me one thing - the value of true beauty. You'd be amazed at how blown away I am by a beautiful view these days. Seriously. I am absolutely tickled at how fascinated girls can become with me, just because I like to get lost in the moment. You let yourself go, just a little bit, and it seems like every other person and their mom is in awe of your freedom. Why do I find that so ironic? It's because I don't have anything that another person doesn't. I'm not even that free. I can't fee you. Free yourself!

I understand you might not really feel like you know how, but you do. It just takes a shove in the right direction... or to be more honest I'm not sure what it takes. This could be considered a half-assed attempt at expressing something I'm not even completely sure about myself. One thing I am sure of, though, is that there is nothing significant that sets one man apart from another. My whole life has been wayyyy off the bell curve - no I'm not like "everybody else", and I never have been. I'm smarter than most, and allegedly good with words, but that's surface level right there. I'm also a complete dumbass when it comes to common sense, born into a poor, confused family, I've felt completely alone in the universe way more than once, and I'm definitely capable of going months in a total zombie trance, accomplishing and feeling nothing. The worst part is realizing I'm in this trance, and coming out of it, are two completely different things. Some of the worst days of my life involve sitting on the couch knowing I could be living so much more but somehow or another completely lacking the motivation to make it happen. Sometimes I really am so lazy that it feels like the effort of getting up and walking out the front door is more trouble than it'd be worth, even if the reward would be all the things I've ever dreamt of come true. It's a shitty feeling, nevertheless it seems to be my greatest opponent in life. We all have our demons, well that's one of mine.

So I've said a lot on this forum about authenticity, masculinity, whatever. In a very real way, it's all bullshit. I've noticed I like to say things in "advice" form, just because it makes me feel authoritative. I did earlier in this post, even. Guys just lap it up, and I don't blame them. It evokes a great feeling. Ironically, saying something like that is a surefire way to get ignored, because it bursts the bubble, even makes people feel stupid, and nobody's gonna thank you for making them feel stupid. Coincidentally, feeling stupid seems to be one of the most dominant recurring experiences I tend to encounter in the game of socialization, so it's nothing to lie about. It hurts. When you get down to our reasons, they're icomprehensibly complicated. There's all kinds of psychological phenomenom going on in our heads that maybe we don't even have the capacity to understand, but trust me if you're reading "pickup" forums your reasons go way beyond sex drive. Thankfully the prescription of experience will illuminate even that. Everything I know, everything I learned, and all the knowledge I have is mine because I pursued it. Nothing in my life came easy, or free. Fuck I'm still poor - you could say I'm "working on it", but just an FYI as far as girls are concerned it's all the same. I slept with more girls on a futon in my best friend's living room than statistics show most guys end up with in a lifetime. To be honest, I'm not even sure that's a good thing. There's times when I suspect there's more wisdom in being more careful about your relationships than I ever gave the idea credit for. Then again, I've never been careful about anything, so there's nothing about a reckless, promiscuous life for me to surprised about really.

Long winded story short, if you're not getting the success you want, it's because you're not doing what you need to. You're not putting yourself through the flames. If you're looking for me, or anyone, to give you something... the truth is we don't have "it". All anybody has is their own experience. The thing about experience, though, is it translates roughly at best to anybody else's life. You might be inspired, put off, or any number of things by something I say, but you'll never truly "get it", not because of me. The best you can hope for is a sense of recognition. Maybe a good wordsmith can evoke an emotion you've felt before, or help you piece your experience together in a particularly enlightening way. I can give you all the methods you've ever wanted, but, honestly, the best way for you to get good with women is never gonna change. Walk out your door, and go do the things you've never let yourself do before. All the things that your fears stopped you from doing. I gotta be honest with you and say that a lot of the things I was afraid of really did happen. Rejection, humiliation, getting disowned by people I really did not want to get disowned by. Go ahead, though, and ask me if it's worth it. For reasons I can't quite explain, but if you've ever found meaning in an insignificant event like a gust of wind blowing through an aspen tree or watching cloud shadows pass over a pictueresque landscape, you might understand. It's totally worth it.
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#1
Stockholm

Stockholm

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/16/2009 | Posts: 175

True shit my tollebro from another motha!

If you keep doing what your always doing you'll keep getting what youv always gotten. Push yourself, get more first hand experience! ;)))
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#2

subx

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/18/2008 | Posts: 1248

Yeah, I used to come to these forums looking for an "answer".  I've realized the only answer is to put yourself in the situations you fear.

THATS IT .  
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#3

yttt

Junior Member

Join Date: 08/02/2008 | Posts: 2

 The Best Shit I Have Ever Read.
and believe me man, i've red a lot.
10/10
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#4
Nathan!

Nathan!

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 1470

Yes!  thumbs up

As I always say, men won't get it until they do it; women won't get it until they feel it.
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#5

sjoasja

Senior Member

Join Date: 04/08/2008 | Posts: 110

good post. excellent written 

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#6
Nathan!

Nathan!

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 1470

EXCELLENT videa. Stolen... expect to see it in an article.  When I was a kid I was a HUGE fan of Arnold and 'Pumping Iron'

Arnold Cumming day and night
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#7

Russianguy

Senior Member

Join Date: 04/25/2009 | Posts: 200

Awesome post, as usual :)
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#8

Macavity

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/25/2009 | Posts: 2511

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#9

stayfly

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/24/2007 | Posts: 230

thanks for this!
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#10
Android

Android

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/09/2006 | Posts: 2612

subx wrote:
Yeah, I used to come to these forums looking for an "answer".  I've realized the only answer is to put yourself in the situations you fear.

THATS IT .  
True that - thats the only one thing I tell people anymore. go towards what you fear

all your other questions will be answered, trust trust trust.
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null FIRE THE BITCH. G W
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