THE FORUMS

January 20th, 2017
MEGAPOST: Happiness is your default state
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#81
Hamlet

Hamlet

Respected Member

Join Date: 12/08/2008 | Posts: 589

So I received a PM today from fetusgrinder420 telling me how he'd had a similar insight to mine and asking me if I had any additional insights. So i drafted a reply to him which I think sums up pretty clearly how I view the whole intent vs. freedom from outcome debate these days. I decided to post it here, including fetusgrinders original PM cause his experience reinforces my original post (hope you're ok with it bud - if not, let me know and I'll take it down right away).

Fetusgrinder wrote:
"Hey Hamlet,

so that post got bumped up to the first page again and i read it for the first time just now. just wanted to touch base with you on that real quick.

i actually had a basically identical epiphany about 8 months ago. mine came about not because of any tranquil experience, but actually a traumatic one. i was intent on self-improvement to the point where it was making me miserable. there was really no joy in what i was doing. it was actually something i read by Sam Harris at the time that flicked the switch at the time and made me realize "happiness is our default state", and constantly chasing one ephemeral goal or pleasure after another was inferior to just enjoying your life in the present.

when i internalized this it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and i basically did nothing for about a month. i just chilled out, and truly legitimately enjoyed life, vowing to never again chase after success in that way again. well the funny thing that happened after about a month of really living with this mindset was that i started working harder than ever. only this time, i was actually enjoying and loving the work because i TRULY was not outcome dependant, having realized and lived the fact that one could be happy as a default state (this also helped me internaliae the zen concept of focusing on the process, not the outcome, although that I am still struggling with that completely). i was working not because i wanted fame or skill or money, but because i loved doing it and it was just a natural extension of who i was (when i say working i refer to my art/freelance work, going to the gym, etc).

anyway, i've been living with this mindset very succesfully since then. my productivity has increased as well as my happiness. i actually wanted to touch base with you on this, since it's been about 2 years since you originally wrote that article. have you had any additional insights to what you wrote? are you still living in a similar mindset?

best,
fetusgrinder420"

Hamlet wrote:

"Hey,

Cool story. Yeah of course I've had innumerable insights since then but I think almost all of them fall somewhere on the spectrum intent vs. freedom of outcome. Wisdom just comes in various permutations of those two opposites, aka yin and yang.

The biggest insight, which you allude to in your message, is that whenever you fully embody one side of the spectrum, you actually find yourself living its opposite at the same time. As you said, when you learned to just chill and be at ease, you found yourself working harder than ever. Once you fully embraced "doing nothing", you found that your desire to do meaningful work sprang forth naturally and unhindered. This is true of any pair of seeming opposites, like masculine and feminine energy, gentleness and forcefulness, work and play. Although we might think that these are mutually exclusive (i.e. we can embody one or the other but not both at the same time), this is in fact a huge misconception and the cause of much (if not all) our suffering. Our brains slice reality around us into conceptual blocks that gradually harden over time and makes us see the world in terms of either-or dichotomies. So it is not uncommon for us to think "the way to become a real man is to grow a beard and hit the gym whilst viciously suppressing any weak feminine aspects of my personality." Actually, this course of action is likely in the long run to create all sorts of psychological problems and immature behaviour because it's like piling a bunch of weights onto one side of a scale without placing any balancing weights on the other side. Such an imbalance can never be sustained, and in fact leads to frustration, lack of motivation, depression, etc. Actually, the way to become a real man is to do all that manly stuff like growing a beard (figuratively speaking) WHILST SIMULTANEOUSLY enjoying feminine energy like playing with your nieces, writing poetry, taking a dance class, etc. Engaging with the feminine in this way allows you to push much further into the masculine than you would have otherwise been capable of. And the same goes for any other pair of opposites, e.g. to really enjoy work we must learn to really enjoy play / we can only be truly gentle, compassionate and respectful of other people if we are totally comfortable being forceful and assertive / we will only find nirvana when we stop looking for it. The realisation that all these energies need to be balanced and that more of one requries more of its opposite is a tremendous insight. It means that any doctrine espousing "stop doing x" or "you must be more y" already contains the seed of failure because it creates a dualistic division in our brains where we grasp after one thing whilst struggling against its opposite. It'll never work - the only way to achieve "x" is to simultaneously accept "not x", and in so doing, realise that "x" and "not x", when fully embraced, are in fact the same thing.... rather than being on opposite ends of a linear spectrum they in fact constitute a circle that has no beginning or end.

Incidentally, when you embrace these opposites, any egoic attachment you have tied up with either concept automatically dissolves. Ego can only function by clutching to an idea whilst rejecting its polar opposite, such as "I ain't no faggot cry baby, I'm a tough guy" or "I'm not like those drones running the rat race, I've learned to just relax in my hammock and take it eeeeeezzzy". See how ego defines itself by identifiying with one side of the spectrum and putting down the other side? By contrast, ego cannot survive "completely embracing both the feminine and masculine aspects within me" or "valuing strenuous labour as much as time spent relaxing in my hammock". The very fact of accepting both opposites means that you are not clutching to either but rather allowing yourself to seamlessly transition between different states. That degree of fluidity, I believe, is our ultimate "goal" and it's the biggest realisation I've had building on the original post I wrote two years ago. Actually, I'm gonna post this into the thread."
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#82

lobby-1234

Member

Join Date: 12/29/2011 | Posts: 52

i personally dont think this advice is very suited for newbie 
but really its great piece of mind
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#83
yearbook

yearbook

Member

Join Date: 01/13/2012 | Posts: 67

 I came to yhe realization that the point of life is to just HAVE FUUN FUN FUN FUN FUN a year ago . i was 17. its after watching all that david and echarttolle .. i just realized it on my own

I'm mad and happy at the same time that other dude has the same thoughts 
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#84
^eagle^

^eagle^

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/25/2006 | Posts: 872

Fagottry:

The beast lived then and is now stronger than ever.  A new revolution has begun.


 [=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif]i actually had a basically identical epiphany about 8 months ago. mine came about not because of any tranquil experience, but actually a traumatic one. i was intent on self-improvement to the point where it was making me miserable. there was really no joy in what i was doing. it was actually something i read by Sam Harris at the time that flicked the switch at the time and made me realize "happiness is our default state", and constantly chasing one ephemeral goal or pleasure after another was inferior to just enjoying your life in the present. [/]

[=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif]when i internalized this it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and i basically did nothing for about a month. i just chilled out, and truly legitimately enjoyed life, vowing to never again chase after success in that way again. well the funny thing that happened after about a month of really living with this mindset was that i started working harder than ever. only this time, i was actually enjoying and loving the work because i TRULY was not outcome dependant, having realized and lived the fact that one could be happy as a default state (this also helped me internaliae the zen concept of focusing on the process, not the outcome, although that I am still struggling with that completely). i was working not because i wanted fame or skill or money, but because i loved doing it and it was just a natural extension of who i was (when i say working i refer to my art/freelance work, going to the gym, etc).[/]
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#85

G Bizz

Respected Member

Join Date: 01/17/2010 | Posts: 525

MOST AMAZING ARTICLE I N THE WORLD

saved.

thanks Ham bro
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#86

TheFinisher

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/17/2011 | Posts: 861

 Great post man, It's eery how when we do this shit right, we ALL hit this happiness default state. I hit it about 6 months ago. Freakin' nuts!

Forgetting the self... I'm n ot sure about that. We shouldnt lose our moral compass man.
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#87

mise

Member

Join Date: 06/18/2013 | Posts: 62

 bump 
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#88

ayeayulo

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/27/2013 | Posts: 314

bump
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#89

Cholo

Senior Member

Join Date: 06/24/2013 | Posts: 202

Gold
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#90
MatthewFreeman

MatthewFreeman

Member

Join Date: 01/24/2013 | Posts: 55

Thank You Thank You Thank You!

You just summarized so much of my experience over the last 6 months or so. I've been on the edge of this realization 3 or 4 times so far, and every time it felt so good at first, but I always ended up running back to "working on myself" for fear of slipping back. Worrying that the epiphany I kept having over and over was really just my inner chode trying to find an excuse to stop trying. I've been struggling to reconcile the fact that learning game changed my life in so many positive ways with the fact that I don't need game. 

Just a few days ago I wrote this post: Purpose Doesn't Need to Be SO Lofty - Find Purpose Without a Goal

You can tell by the tone of it that I'm just starting to see it but I was still having trouble knowing what to do with it. I was toying with the idea that "maybe I don't need goals" but I wasn't really certain. Your post has really reinforced this for me and clarified a lot of what I've been struggling with so THANK YOU so much. 
 
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