January 18th, 2019
Relationship Series Part 1: Introducing The Next-Level Relationship
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Trusted Member

Join Date: 06/23/2008 | Posts: 1586

From my perspective, there are three pillars to an amazing relationship

1. Be an attractive man
2. Push the envelop sexually
3. Grow together

This is the first of three articles on that third pillar: “growing together.”

The word “grow” sounds very airy-fairy on the surface. It is used a lot in personal development, but nobody really knows what the hell it means.

For our purposes here, it means that you are self-actualizing; ie becoming your best self so that you can make your purpose in life a reality (you are in touch with that, yes?)

One of the most profound things I have ever read that gives me a new epiphany every week is what Steven Covey describes as the three stages of personal development:

Dependence----> Independence-------> Interdependence

Think on that every day for the rest of your life, because the more I think about it, the more I see that it applies to every area of life.

It has a lot of implications for a relationship.

Dependent Relationship: “If I don’t have her, I am not OK.” The relationship itself validates you in some way and makes up an important part of your self-esteem. These relationships oftentimes feature neediness, abuse, being whipped, and general faggotry.

Independent Relationship: “I have my shit together, and she has her shit together.” This is what a lot of guys strive for, especially in this community. The idea is that you build up your “inner game” to the point where a girlfriend is a nice compliment to your life as opposed to the source of your self esteem. This type of relationships can be described by words like “fair” and “sustainable.”

Interdependent Relationship: “I help her become the best woman she can possibly be, and she helps me become the best man I can be.” This is a relationship where there is mutual growth, and this is what creates an AMAZING relationship as opposed to a great one.

IMPORTANT: In order to have an interdependent relationship, you must first be able to have an independent relationship. You cannot skip steps.

The first two pillars I talked about- being attractive and pushing the envelop sexually- are essential for an independent relationship, and that relationship can be great. A lot of guys are very happy in that kind of relationship, and my last relationship was very much like that and I was very happy in it.

That said, I have found that taking the next step up and having an interdependent relationship is very, VERY rewarding.
You see, the level of intimacy in a relationship gives your woman a unique opportunity to help you become the man you want to become, and you have that same opportunity with her.

Obviously, a benefit of this is that you are able to make tremendous progress in your own personal development. A less obvious benefit is that the relationship gets exponentially better and better over time.

Why does the quality of sex in many relationships decline over time? Why does the passion in many relationships decline over time? Because sex and the relationship itself becomes a predictable routine.

In an interdependent relationship, this is not the case because the two of you are growing together, which means that the relationship is always fresh, and the passion and intimicy gets better and better over time.

I have been proactively getting to know couples over the past half a year to find models of successful relationships. The ones I’ve come across who have been together for many years (some well over a decade) and are still getting better are ALL interdependent relationships. This is THE common denominator; well, that and none of them are married.

The next two parts will go into the specifics of an interdependent relationship, but here are a couple of general things that I have personally noticed as I’ve gone through the stages.

1. The type of woman you desire changes.

When I was in the dependent stage, looks where far and away the most important thing. The mindset was “I want a woman who is hot, because that is what biology and society say I should want, and when I have that I will feel awesome.”

When I was in the independent stage, personality became almost as important as looks. Like 60% looks and 40% personality. The minset was “I want a woman who is physically attractive and who is fun, spontaneous, adventurous and not-needy.”

Since I’ve been in the interdependent stage, the most important characteristic is “will she accept 2nd class behavior from myself?" That’s like 40%, looks 30%, personality 30%.

Obviously I’m not going to become girlfriends with an obese buck-toothed woman, but what was once a “7” can be my personal “10” if she has the awareness and level of personal development to say to me "that's not you being your best self" when I don't go to the gym because it was raining outside.

This change has been fascinating to me as I’ve observed it in myself.

2. Transparency wins the day

When you are in an interdependent relationship, you don’t need to worry about being Mr. Alpha Male all the time. You can actually say things like “you know, right now I am feeling a lot of fear” or “I’m angry right now. Let’s pick this up again in 20 minutes.”

ALERT: Before your chode senses start tingling, remember that the context is that I am a masculine, attractive man. If I was needy chode who was all like “oh dear, I’m scared honey! Let me jump into your lap and cry,” this wouldn’t be very good for the relationship.

Again, you must first go through the independent stage before going into the interdependent one.

3. The level of intimacy skyrockets

The first block I had to overcome in my development was “physical intimicy.” Game allowed me to do that a couple years ago.

The second block I had to overcome was “emotional intimicy.” This is allowing yourself to be emotionally vulnerable to your woman, and took me a much longer time to do.

The third block I had to overcome, and am still working on, is “quasi-spiritual intimicy.” This is when you allow yourself to be vulnerable to your woman on a deeper level. This will be the subject of the next part.

4. Bringing out her different sides, including her bisexual side, becomes very easy.

At the same time, I’ve found that different sides of myself that I didn’t even know existed have come out, which has been fascinating. This will be the subject of the third part (Which will include a step-by-step guide to bringing out her bisexual side, for your instant gratification needs)

5. I don’t see her as a “chick” anymore

Instead, she is more like a “sister human being.” I don’t really have the words to describe what this paradym shift is like.

Feedback , comments, experiences, other perspectives and questions are welcomed.

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Respected Member

Join Date: 06/30/2008 | Posts: 994

 Quality post. 
That was then... THIS IS NOW.
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Junior Member

Join Date: 07/11/2015 | Posts: 3

great post loved your post on this and the sex god method, my current goal is to reach the independent stage.
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