THE FORUMS

December 8th, 2016
The Only Frame You Need
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Slojodan

Slojodan

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 1003

Hey Guys,

I'm about to introduce to you the one frame that really works.  If you've been in the community a while, I think this will really resonate with you.  If you're new, this will help you skip a lot of bullshit on your path to stardom. 

Frames and frame control have been discussed extensively in every teaching on the game, from NLP, to routine artistry, to natural game.

On a small level, there’s the Micro Frame. This is the supposedly shared interpretation of a moment or event involving you and the girl. You buy her a drink and take the frame of “This is me being generous,” or “This is me rewarding you for making me laugh.”

On top of that is the Meta Frame, where your whole relationship with her supposedly has a theme to it. “I’m getting her all sexually turned on so she’ll want to have sex with me."I’m the source of good emotions in this interaction,” or “I'm bringing the party. She’s trying to seduce me.”

While on a case by case basis, there is truth to these Micro and Meta Frames, they end up detracting from the one frame that matters, what your Global Frame is about relationships in general

The problem with both Micro and Meta Frames is that the girl has to buy into them for them to be effective. You have to either truly believe them, or project enough certainty and congruence for each frame that it overpowers what the girl thinks is going on. It’s a tightrope walk that can easily fail. Beyond that, even the strongest Meta Frames can be cracked once your true Global Frame is revealed.

Now while there are hundreds of possible Meta Frames and thousands of possible Micro Frames, there are only three Global Frames I’ve found in terms of meeting women.

The Selling Frame:

“You’re someone I want to be with, so I will convince you that I am the Sex-Worthy Guy.”

This is the most common frame in the dating/pick-up world, whether you’re in the community or not. Whether you’re DHV’ing well or DHV’ing poorly, you are in the Selling Frame if you’re trying to make her like you. Even if you’ve got her believing she’s trying to impress you, this is all a front, if you’re planning the next step. Even how you plan your pull extraction or date logistics can easily put you back in the Selling Frame. If you’re worried about her “losing state,” you’re in the Selling Frame.

This is not a strike against you if you match this description. The Selling Frame is as common in this world as not getting your suggested 4-6 servings of vegetables a day, so don’t sweat it.

So how do you get out of the Selling Frame? For years it’s been believed that the best way to not be the Seller is to flip the script and be the careful, rich Buyer. Here we have…

The Screening Frame:

“I know I’m the Sex-Worthy Guy, and I’m letting you prove to me that you’re up to my standards. If you have the qualities I look for in a woman, maybe we can hang out.”

Where in the Selling Frame we had DHV, DHV, DHV, we switch it up in the Screening Frame to qualify, qualify, qualify. In its primitive stage, we asked questions like “You seem like a nice girl, but can you cook? What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done? Tell me three things about you that would make me want to know you better.”

The problems that resulted from this formerly praised approach now look obvious in hindsight. Girls would get defensive and perturbed that they were being put on the spot, job interview style. Then you had the absurdity of looking into a very confused HB6’s face as she contemplated answering, “Beauty is common. What do you have going for you more than your looks?”

This smoothed out over time, and ways were discovered to look more realistically screening. It became a subtle art rather than a hard scientific procedure.

However, two major problems remained.

For one thing, 99% of people who think they’re using the Screening Frame don’t really believe it themselves. A more accurate statement of their frame would be “Screening guys look more attractive than Selling guys, so I’ll pretend I’m a Screener to convince her to like me.” This is true even if they repeat affirmation after affirmation that they’re sexy, confident, fulfilled, and walk up to a girl thinking, “I don’t need you; you need me!” They know it’s a lie deep down.

The remaining 1% of the Screeners crumble easily when things don’t go their way. There are a number of hot chicks that are legitimately in the Screening Frame. However, all it takes is a chode to ignore her touch one too many times in, and she switches to Selling Frame, qualifying to him so he’ll validate her.

Even if a girl or guy is a true screener, they’re still very insecure and easily manipulated by people who have greater confidence in themselves or can just fake it for five minutes.

The reason Screening fails as a frame is that, like Selling, it involves a value scale. You pretend the girl is of uncertain value, while you’re high value. Supposedly, you give her a chance to prove she’s up to your level.

Whenever you use the value scale, you end up pinning yourself at some level of coolness, and forever fear you’ll lose your status. You cannot use the value scale without being insecure or frightened of losing out.

Think about a 22 year old UFC or World Boxing champion. He knows he’s the very best in the world – well, for now – officially – assuming there isn’t a better guy he hasn’t fought yet.

Even if you see yourself as the pinnacle of success, your self concept is doomed to crack eventually once someone you respect devalidates it.

The solution? Turn that value scale sideways.

The Sorting Frame:

“You, me, and everyone in the world is infinitely Sex-Worthy. We just aren’t all compatible for each other. You and I will talk, and if it’s a sexual fit, we’ll take it to the next level. If it’s not a fit, we’ll either enjoy each other’s platonic company or excuse ourselves to find more appropriate partners for the evening..”

With this frame, you are automatically high-value, and no one can take it away from you. You say what’s on your mind, and self-amusement isn’t something you try to do; it just naturally comes out. If the girl doesn’t like your self-amusement, you don’t mind because it means that she and you are not a fit. If she asks the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done, you might say “Cockslapped a rhino.” If she doesn’t like it, then you laugh anyway and find someone who enjoys your gloriously juvenile humor.

But you don’t judge her as not having a sense of humor. You don’t label her as boring. She is just merely incompatible as a sexual partner for you at this time, and vice versa. Maybe a couple months later, you’ll have a more Cosby Show sense of humor, or maybe she’ll have a more South Park joke style. For now, you lovingly part as friends.

This applies to looks as well.

A girl isn’t too fat; you just prefer slimmer girls. A girl isn’t smelly, her odors just don’t appeal to you. “Not hot enough” doesn’t exist. Semantically, it can be a bit difficult to explain to yourself or others in a non-judgmental fashion why you don’t like a girl. If you can’t explain, just shrug and say “Not really my thing.”

The more you can extend this to ridiculous proportions, the stronger your frame will be.

If you can only take the “everyone’s sexy” frame when looking at girls who are slightly chubby, or cute but annoying, you will have a tiny amount of its potential power.

In order to really take advantage of this frame, you must completely obliterate any conception you have of a girl not being good enough for you. A toothless, homeless, smallpox infested crackwhore must become merely “not my thing,” if you are to really embrace this attitude.

Guess what happens when you eliminate the “not good enough for you” mind virus?

The opposite end of the spectrum comes into play as well. Since there is no girl that’s not good enough for you, no girl is TOO good for you either. Any hot girl is either compatible with you, or not. She’s never out of your league. If she’s not physically attracted to you, it means she has a different preference at the moment. It doesn’t mean your’re not good looking, even if she tells you to your face you’re ugly. And after she says that, you don’t even think she’s a bitch, just someone who’s a bit uncalibrated and has lost her way.

I know most of you walk around thinking “No girl is out of my league,” but it’s highly unlikely you really believe it at a core level. I’m not sure it’s even possible to believe no girl is out of your league if you believe there are superior and inferior leagues to begin with. If you’re not laying hot chicks regularly, and still believe are high value and low value girls, your mind has a real disconnect with the idea of you being hot chick worthy.

Question: Dan, aren’t we being delusional? Obviously a Playboy model is of higher quality than a 200 pound Taco Bell lady.

Answer: If you’re going to let society tell you who’s worthy and who isn’t, you might as well give up the game because you are clearly a loser for reading a message board on how to get girls.

Oh wait, that belief is wrong?

The fact is that none of these opinions are true. They’re only perspectives and perceptions. If you ignore what society says, the Taco Bell lady could have more real-world employable skills, more access to late night cheap snacks, and be far more secure of how she looks without makeup.

Why is being a pro-basketball player better than being a pro-Counter Strike player? Because society says so.

In order to make this work, you have to understand that what society tells you is good or bad is completely arbitrary. This isn’t a philosophy here, it’s as close to a fact as you can get.

It’s the same with who’s cool or not cool, who’s pretty or not pretty, who’s moral and who’s immoral.

Turn that piece of shit value scale on its side and make your own rules.

The Results:

Since I’ve adopted the sorting frame, things are a ton easier. While I’d been getting regular sex for a while, I’m having better options come up with women I’m much more attracted to.

I used to sarge online on Jdate all the time, and go for a phone number, meeting, etc. Now I just speak my mind when talking to girls, and not pursue it. More often than not, I’ll say “Well I’m going to bed, have a good night,” and they’ll say “Wait, I’m not a paying member,’ and ask for contact info. These are cute, tall, in shape girls too, not the bigger ones I used to be perfectly content with. Am I putting them above the bigger girls? Let’s just say I prefer the ones I’m getting.

I’m also invited out a lot more by girls I meet in other places. I don’t want to say they’re chasing, but they become a lot more proactive when it becomes clear that you aren’t a chaser, yourself.

When girls can tell that you have no fear of loss on the approach, the date, or even in the bedroom, they feel an irresistible magnetism to you.

Here we get into the paradox of me saying don’t care about what girls think so you can get them to like you. That paradox will be solved some day, but not by me any time soon.

Try this out for yourself.

--Dan
__________________
To all, thanks for reading.

If you'd like to know how I got to this mindframe, read my post:  How to Choose an Inner Game Program
If you're curious on how to meditate:  Meditation Made Easy
Recommends Release Technique, Sedona Method, and EFT
Please read the Meditation thread before PMing me with a question.  Thank you.
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#1
Alejandro!

Alejandro!

Respected Member

Join Date: 01/14/2008 | Posts: 784

 LOVED this article.

I 100% agree with it. Slojo, u have a way to break down things cool people intrinsically do/know. Major props, again deeeleeshiously written.



Whoop!


O->
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#2

SupersecretIdentity

Member

Join Date: 04/22/2008 | Posts: 49

Very, very well written post. Sums up a lot of things that I have vaguely thought about but have never really intellectualized.

I think the hardest part though is truely buying into this frame. I think it is just as easy to delusionally say "everyone is sexworthy" as it is to say "no one is too good for me". As much as I would love to be in this frame, I know deep down I don't believe it right now.

How did you go about adopting this frame into your lifestyle? Obviously it requires dropping judgement of everyone you encounter in life, from the basement-dwelling, neckbearded wow'er to the ultra hot movie star. The actual mindset shift sounds quite difficult, albiet incredibly worthwhile. It seems to me that in order to really, truely buy into it on a fundamental level it would require opening everyone you meet and reserving any sorting decisions for later. I would be really curious to hear what it was like for you to get to this place.
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#3
Caligula

Caligula

Trusted Member

Join Date: 06/23/2008 | Posts: 1586

Ha, this is a realization I had recently as well.  It's really cool that we are thinking along similar lines.

When you start giving up attachment to beliefs, a lot of interesting things happen.  Today I was approached by a Mormon missionary, and instead of saying "I believe that the book of Mormon is rubbish," I said "help me see things from your perspective."  The conversation that resulted was amazing.

Powerful shit.

-Caligula
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#4
Deft

Deft

Trusted Member

Join Date: 06/16/2008 | Posts: 2040

Dude i loved the article until the part it says you are sarging online.
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#5
Slojodan

Slojodan

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 1003

SuperSecretIdentity, -- Thanks man, added a link in my signature to answer your question.

Deft -- Judge not.  :-)
__________________
To all, thanks for reading.

If you'd like to know how I got to this mindframe, read my post:  How to Choose an Inner Game Program
If you're curious on how to meditate:  Meditation Made Easy
Recommends Release Technique, Sedona Method, and EFT
Please read the Meditation thread before PMing me with a question.  Thank you.
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#6
maddd0g

maddd0g

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Join Date: 10/04/2008 | Posts: 918

Sweetness.
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Smile. :]
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#7

Waus

Member

Join Date: 07/07/2008 | Posts: 39

very good stuff, tnx
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#8
Algeristo

Algeristo

Respected Member

Join Date: 01/29/2007 | Posts: 546

 Amazing, Slojo. You are a true philosopher. You see the BIG picture.
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I am what I am. I want my life to be a work of art. I will live forever or die trying!
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#9
sabster

sabster

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/14/2008 | Posts: 995

This is a great post!!  I never really thought of this stuff on this level!! Good stuff!!
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"Fuck social conditioning and fuck what anybody thinks of you!" ~Tyler Durden
Rejection > Regret
COLORADO
gangster chronicles
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#10
Ingvar!

Ingvar!

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/06/2008 | Posts: 332

I really like your thinking. Thanks for sharing.
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It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously. Wilde.
Nathan Stockholm Bootcamp 2008
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