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December 6th, 2016
From Shy To Fly: A Big Guy's Journey With The Opposite Sex
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fromshytofly

Member

Join Date: 04/22/2009 | Posts: 37

My field report and development journal for becoming a more social person, especially with the ladies.

I'm James. I'm 22 years old, extremely obese (340 lbs *but I'm told I look more like 260, I can attribute that towards my height*), around 6 feet 3 inches (thank god), and, most importantly, have been a social outcast for the majority of my middle and high school life. You see, after my father passed away around 8 years ago, I really started struggling socially. No wonder the poor life decisions continued to take precedence for so long. I had no friends around here (they all moved away) and I figured I was going to be like this for the rest of my life.

But around two months ago I decided to change my life around. Since then, I have made serious life changes. I've been eating better, exercising, and I'm losing weight (around 20 pounds so far). I've also been receiving compliments that I'm looking better from my friends and family. This is a huge confidence booster for me. I am now beginning to be more confident and willing to try new things. However, in the women department... I've never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, and never had the balls to talk to girls in the "real world." I was the guy who would always shy away from talking to beautiful girls. I would hold my head down, never make eye contact, and general just avoid those situations.



However, the best thing that happened was one of my best friends who was in the Air Force decided to leave, and now we get to hang out. He is someone I would like to be like... He gets all the girls, yet I've yet to have one single girlfriend. He motivates me to become a better person, and now I have been gaining the confidence to go out and meet women.

This is my journey from the geeky, anti-social, shy guy to the new and improved fly guy.

I'll be posting my field reports, experiences, and observations with women. I hope that there are some others who are in similar situations like mine that can and will learn, and I hope that posting my stories will keep me honest and force me to strive to better myself when it comes to the opposite sex.

Anyways, here is my first ever field report. It happened a little over two weeks ago, but figured I might as well post it as it was a very important change in my life, and the beginning of the new me.

April 11th, 2009 — My First Club, Drink, and Experiences With Hot Women!

I've never been to a bar or club in my life. Alcohol has never really been a part of my life. Dancing... me... No way! Women... oh fuck me... I'm so screwed.

But my friend somehow manged to convince me to drag my ass out of the house and to the club. And so the night began, with me more nervous than ever before.

7:00 PM — We walk into the bar/club, and we are some of the first to get there. I'm nervous as hell, but try to keep my cool. The club just opened so we got in for free, so I think that if at least the night is a disaster it could be a relatively cheap one. So that was somewhat of a freebie.

After entering, I notice there are two bars. One in the center of the room with lots of guys and a few girls hanging around, and another way off to the side with no one around. My friend and I go there to bar off to the side to chill (which is what I would have done anyways, so I was more comfortable), and we were there for about an hour it seemed. Nothing much was going on, and there were only a handfull of girls in there. I was still very nervous at this point. We were just chilling and enjoying the DJ.

8:00 PM — I have my first drink of the night, a Vodka & RedBull, which actually seemed to relax me. I finally felt more comfortable. (With disasterous effects later)

Anyways, I was actually making eye contact with a few girls, and even the HB 9.5 waitress managed to return EC. But she didn't seem to have any interest in asking me if I wanted any shooters, so I didn't bother talking to her. So I shrugged her off. I didn't care, I figured I'd do my best to enjoy the night and not focus on women that much.

Still, I'm mostly on the sidelines, and throughout the next hour nothing too interesting happens. I do manage to ask one of the cute bartenders to take a picture of my friend and I, and she does so. This also helps calm me down further.

8:30 PM — More people are coming in. I start talking to a few of the guys that work at the club, and try to be more social. I am still wondering if this night is going to be a bust at this point. We are mainly wandering around the club.

9:00 PM — The dance floors are starting to get busy and the DJ is working the crowd.

My friend (the experienced one with the ladies) introduces me to these two girls who were just stainding around. The HB 7.5 was married and the HB 6 was her friend, supposedly taking her out for a good time. We start talking, as my friend works the HB 6, I'm talking to the married HB 7.5. I did about everything wrong... looking down & away, the conversation was minimum at best, but I manage to do some very light kino... putting my arm around hers to lean in to talk (it was very very difficult to talk with the loud music, so it was a no brainer). She seems to be all into me, but I know for a fact that she was extremely drunk (I later learned she got rejected from a bar opposite of the one we were in). Anyways, after about 3 or so minutes, a rock/pop type song comes on, and I don't know the fucking words but I just go along with it and we are all partying and singing the song. We make more eye contact and smiling, just having a good time.

After that song, it was back to hip-hop and this was where I blew it. She turns around and starts grinding on me... and I don't even touch her. I wasn't even thinking at that point because I was so in shock of what was happening. But now I finally let loose and we continue grinding and just dancing throughout the song. My friend pulled me away and gave me some advice about how I should have been touching her more and all that. But I'm still ina  euphoric state, as I never imagined myself EVER doing that with another girl, but it happened.

After that, we hit the bathroom and then go order some more drinks.

9:30 PM — Run into some older chick, looked like she was in her upper 30s, but at this point I'm just having a good time, so I'm talking to her and she tells me she has a younger daughter that is in the club. I ask where she is at and she points me to her. Turns out mommy's daughter is a HB 8.5, but she was surrounded by two guys, and I wasn't about to try and work my way into that. After dancing with the mom, I go back to drinking some more, and actually leave the club to get some fresh air and take a few more pictures.

10:00 PM — Later on in the night my friend introduces me to a HB 5.5 maybe. She is a chubby girl (and I'm a chubby guy), but we talk for a few moments and then we start dancing. Seems like she is a regular at the club scene, and she is grinding all up on me and encouraging me to grab her and pull her in close. We dance for a song, and then my friend shoots a picture with me and her. Again I'm feeling pretty good, and I leave her be, but I'd meet up with her again later in the night and just do some more dancing.

10:45 PM — My friend is talking to this wild looking HB 8 with tats and piercings everywhere. Her friend, which was an HB 7 was eyeing me down, but I still look away nervously. I was thinking about moving over to her to see if she wanted to dance, but another guy got to her right when I made up my mind to do so. I guess that's what I get for waiting.

11:00 PM — After taking another breather from all the dancing, which in itself was impressive for a guy like me who had never done anything like that before, we get back in line to head back into the club. My friend starts talking to these three asian chicks. We talk while waiting. All three were HB 7, but I have a thing for asian girls, so I really wanted to talk to them, and my friend knows I have this thing for asian girls too. Anyways, I learn that this was there first time as well, and I let them know that it was my first time here as well (don't know if that was a smart move).

11:15 PM — I see the three asian chicks dancing up on the stage. One of them notices me down on the dance floor and points me out and all three look at me and wave and I wave back. Thought that was pretty cool.

11:30 PM — I see the asian chicks at the bar and I talk to them a bit. I was getting ready to ask her to dance, but some other dude literally steps in front of me and asks her to dance. She shrugs him off, but I feel kinda down... wondering if I should have just immediately asked her to dance. I tried to not get pissed off at the guy, and I just wanted to my enjoy myself. So I move on from the asian chicks.

11:45 PM — I'm outside of the club relaxing, because I was dancing my ass off. The married HB 7.5 and her friend HB 6 come out of the club and we talk for a few moments. I learn that they were too intoxicated to go into the neighboring club. This makes me wonder how drunk they where when I was talking to them. I considered asking for a number, but I realized that she was married, so I told her and her friend to have a wonderful night, and they left for the night.

12:00 AM — For the rest of the night, I start feeling really dizzy. I consumed way too much alcohol. I had about 7 drinks, and I start feeling dizzy. And I end up resting and taking it easy for the rest of the night until 2 AM. It was the first time I ever felt like that, and I still didn't know if I was drunk, dehydrated (I think I was) or something else. But that was pretty much how the night ended. I really felt like crashing immediately.

I was somewhat disappointed because I wanted to keep dancing, but I guess that's how things go sometimes. However, I was very excited because I had a fun time, I actually danced in public for the first time in my life, I talked to some chicks (also a rarity), and I consumed alcohol in public (another first).

Recap

I talked to women, I danced, I drank, and I had a great time. What more could I have asked for from my first time of being a social person?

Talked to at least 7 girls, danced with 4 girls, and I think I could have gotten a kiss from that married HB 7.5, but I didn't go for it.

It couldn't have been a better night considering how I came in to that night and how different I felt when I left. I think that this night was one of the biggest changes in my life, and it shows to this very day. I'm more confident about everything now. And, most importantly, i feel like there is hope for me.

Lessons Learned:

Don't wait or overthink. ACT!

Don't drink so much damn alcohol!

If I don't make a move, another guy will, so I shouldn't wait, if at all, when I see a set that I want.

Observations:

Talking is not as important in a dance club, especially when considering the music is too loud to even hear what most people are saying. It's more about the approach and the vibe.

I shouldn't be so nervous the next time now that I was out at a club. I think I can go back to another club and not be so uptight, and most likely have an even better time.

Many guys I saw at the club were sitting on the sideline. The difference between them and myself is that I actually went out to dance and talke to these girls. I believe that puts me far ahead of some of the other guys, who had much better looks and style then I do.

I really should have done more kino with all the girls I met. Granted, it was my first time, so I'm not beating myself up too much, but I still wish I did. I could have had much better results if I just did more kino, and did it as soon as I talked to the set.

I should have dressed better. (I since rectified that problem by investing in new and better fitting clothes with the help of my friends. So I'm ready for anything now.)

Current Goals:


Work on my day game. I plan on making eye contact and saying, at the very least, "Hi" to as many girls as possible. I also plan on being more social in general.

Anytime I go out to a hot spot with girls, I am making a goal to strike a conversation with at least one girl. Once I'm regularly successful with that, I will try upping the ante.

The Rest:

I will be posting updates fairly frequently, as I think posting here will help emensely. If anyone has any suggestions/advice/criticisms, I, of course, welcome it all.

Hope everyone enjoyed my first post here on the RSD forums.
__________________
Journal: A Big Guy's Journey With The Opposite Sex
"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." — Italian Proverb
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#1
asian caucasian

asian caucasian

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/02/2008 | Posts: 295

Way to go man!!......... just remember anytime you get a bad experience with all of this, just remember it is a learning experience and move on. never get caught up in 1 bad experience. Just learn from the mistake. you've already mad a huge step in the right direction by leaving your comfort zone. you'll see in this process/journey, your going to be leaving your comfort zone alot!! but thats really the way to learn no doubt. Always be pushing your comfort zone and you'll progress nicely. also, never put a timeline on your success. dont get caught up in the fact that it might take more time then you expected for you to start seeing results. in time, with your calibration to your new lifestyle, it going to take some re adjusting. that is all apart of the process. so never get caught up in trying to get yourself at a certain "point" in an alloted amount of "time"

Glad to see you step up! keep building that social circle
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#2

fromshytofly

Member

Join Date: 04/22/2009 | Posts: 37

Thanks for the feedback asian caucasion! I know that I'm going to get rejected sooner or later, so I am hoping I just shrug it off and move on when that happens. But I am still trying to keep an optimistic attitude.

I had been considering waiting until I lost a lot of the extra weight to seriously attempt to go out meeting women.... but I figured that if I could push myself to approach women now, that, in the end, it would be much more valuable to me by the time I get into a fitter & healthier condition. This way, I don't put so much emphasis on looks and more about the personality and confidence in myself.

So, I'm hoping these experiences, which might prove a bit tougher, can still be valuable education for me and picking up women and being more social.

Oh, and by the way, as for a little addition to my above field report, I now remember what I said to the married HB 7.5 to really break the ice:

(Pause in talking and transition to a new song. Still very hard to hear.)
HB: "Are you having a good time tonight?"
Fly: "I am, but now with you here, it has made my night."
HB: "Awwww"
(She starts gettin' jiggy with me)

Now, after thinking about it, there are probably many more things I could have said that were more manly, but she was married... so I didn't want to threaten her in any way.

Also, another thing I did was I created an obstacle between her and myself. I held my beer in front of me, pretty much how everyone says you shouldn't do, so yeah... I really was doing a lot of things wrong. However, when this happened, I had never visited these forums or looked into PUA materials. So, I believe I have learned a lot and will do a lot better next time.

----------------

This weekend, assuming no plans change, I will be heading out of state to meet up with another friend of mine who is still in the Air Force. There is a club there, and I might be checking it out on Saturday night with my friends. So, I'm hoping that the new location and stuff will provide an interesting social challenge that I can adapt to. Also might head out to an air show. So, I'll try some things at these places and I'll be sure to post how it went as soon as I can.
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Journal: A Big Guy's Journey With The Opposite Sex
"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." — Italian Proverb
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#3

guitarstar

Junior Member

Join Date: 08/28/2008 | Posts: 13

Hello fromshytofly, you have no idea how much this has inspired me (I am now a active member again) I myself am a big guy 240 pounds(was 350)
my story is similar to yours, very shy to the point i never spoke at school/college and put on so much weight in a little time
i admired the fact your going out while trying to get your weight down, as i thought when i lose the weight i will suddenly be this cool guy who women are attracted to, so rather than going out etc. just working on inner game which to be honest has done nothing much so i know that it's nothing without following through with a plan and going out getting experience, but i have made big improvements in groups and social circle but going out(Bars/Clubs) would be so much better

just a little advice it kind of sounds as if your a little dependent on your super cool friend even saying you went to the bathroom together LOL, just try not to get too attached to him and also why don't you try opening sets and you be the wingman, help him out a little it will improve your game alot.

It’s so hard showing sexual intent being big, but it should get easier as i myself have had girls attracted to me but turned them down and put up a barrier thinking i wasn't worthy of them i now know that is BS, but now i regret them chances so much so you have to go for the close every time

I really hope you keep this up man, I will read up on this thread when I can, it sounds like you had a great time, and had more success than most guys on here LOL, well done matesmile
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#4

fromshytofly

Member

Join Date: 04/22/2009 | Posts: 37

Thanks for the feedback guitarstar. Glad I am helping to provide some motivation. It shouldn't stop us from giving it a shot. And, the way I am trying to look at it, no matter what the outcome is when you do try, there will always be 0% chance of success if you don't try at all.

Hopefully your quest continues well. As did mine just a few hours ago...

---------------

April 25, 2009 — "From Virginia to North Carolina"

This weekend I left to head out to North Carolina with my friend/wingman to see one of my friends who is stationed in a town in NC. It's a huge air force/military town, and it is nothing too amazing, but it's decent.

What wasn't decent though was the fact that there was only one dance club that I could find, but I did manage to find one. The pictures were nothing too impressive, but it gave me some hope. I told my friends that I WANT TO PARTY, instead of them forcing me to go out with them. That's quite a change in attitude about the whole thing. I even picked up a nice black dress shirt to replace my horrible clothing that barely got through the door at the previous club I visited.

9:00 PM — Long story short, we head out to the club. I'm not as nervous this time, but the two beers I consumed before leaving to the club (we had a designated driver... that's always important) really work a number on me. Apparently my system does not like beer, because it really fucked me up. I had to sit down for like 30 minutes before I felt better. This place was half bar and half dance club. A very small dance area. After I start feeling better, we head off to the dance club section.

9:30 PM — My two friends and I are the only people there. There is some nice music going, but the dance floor is completely empty. Wasn't looking so good.

9:45 PM — I decide to try and converse more, and a few guys come into the club... I chat them up (again, trying to be more social) and learn about where they are from, why their here, if they've been to this club before. I learn from the staff and a few of the regulars that the place doesn't really get going to much later at night.

10:00 PM — After being in the bar for a tiny bit (I agree to be the designated driver for the night so my other two friends can drink.... I was too worried about the beer making me feel sick again) we head back into the club. Same story. But one HB 6 is out there dancing on her own. I immediately think to approach her, but it is my wingman... of all people... who tells me not to go. I don't... and I'm not sure if it is the right decision, but a few moments later some guy is dancing with her. Them two were extremely close to whole night afterwards, so I am going to just assume that them two were really close. I kinda beat myself over it for a few minutes, but I move on.

11:00 PM – There are a few more guys and a few groups of girls now standing on the sidelines. I tell my friends that I feel like I'm at a high school dance.... no one is dancing. So, I just say screw it and I start dancing (or at least something that resembles dancing). I'm sure I looked like an idiot, but I didn't care. I kept going until many more people started showing up, and then after seeing that no one was budging, I just gave up because a few people is something.... but a lot of people is something else completely. And the lack of dancing continues...

12:00 AM — Skipping the lull... the club is really packed, but no one is on the dance floor. Maybe there is a moment when one guy would go out there and try to show off, but these girls are not playing around. My wing approaches a set of 3 — HB 8, HB 9, HB 9.5 — and they quickly shrug him off. But I didn't even need to see them shrug him off before I realize that they are playing the whole place. All night long they danced with no guy whatsoever. It kinda pissed me off because all these other girls were sitting aside and watching them three showing off. It was getting boring after awhile, but eventually some people start to dance, and, ironically enough, I'm one of the first to join in when I see some hope.

12:15 AM — My friend opens on two girls. He picks his girl of choice, an HB 6.5 and then I just come in to get the HB 6.0. It was nothing planned, I just got fed up and went on the dance floor and approached behind her, gently touched her shoulder to let her know I was there, and we were just dancing around for about 5 minutes. I didn't kino much... maybe because I noticed two of her friends standing aside. One of her friend's comes up to her and talks to my set and my friend's set for a moment, and she prepares to leave. I quickly grab her arm and ask her to stay and dance. She was maybe an HB 4.5, so I'm sure she was extremely self concious. My friend then tries again as she walks away, and she shrugs my friend off as well. So, I pretty much knew that we were screwed.

At the end of the song, her two friends come in and sweep both of the girls away faster than I can even say bye. I'm not that upset. I saw it coming, but I wish I could have had done something to try and get them to tag along instead of just stealing the sets away. But at least I tried to involve the CBs. At that point, there wasn't much I could do.

12:45 AM — Still dancing around like a fool.... the dance floor is finally a bit more active. I approach a set of 3 girls and just signal at them to come and dance because they were off in the corner just doing their own thing. One of them looked like she was getting ready to come over, but her friends seem to be sucking her away from me at every attempt, so I eject. I just continue dancing and dancing.

The mood is clear. All the girls in the club are very resistant to get out and dance. And I just didn't feel comfortable approaching the sets of two or three girls. I noticed many guys trying to get girls to dance, and some of the more "active" guys on the dance floor I pulled to the side and tried to figure out what's wrong. They all say that it usually isn't this bad, and I take their word for it. So I guess I'm just there on a bad night.

We left the club at 2 AM, and all I pretty much did from around 1 AM and beyond was just dance and sit on the side because I was getting tired. I wasn't really understanding why all these girls were not dancing, but then again, I don't really see it being that much of a surprise (recalls high school dances and such). It's just a shame because I was really ready to go and make some serious approaches. However, I was reassured that tonight was kinda lame as after leaving the club I heard many guys discussing how no one was even dancing. So, there ya go.

Observations:

Some guys had an extremely direct way of approaching women. Getting close to them, touching them immediately in sometimes extremely sexual manner, and dancing. Like the guy would stay on one set and go DIRECTLY to the other in a hurry and just keep dancing. It was quite impressive from a confidence viewpoint, but personally, I would never feel comfortable doing something like that. It seemed somewhat inappropriate and evens omewhat creepy. Not hating on the guy... just seemed odd. Plus I'm sure he could have pissed off someone quite dramatically if he approached the wrong girl.

Sometimes a the people in a dance club is missing the urge to dance, I guess. Or maybe it is better stated as a lack of the willingness to go out and dance. I was fully willing this time around... by myself... and I did, but maybe only a handful of girls came on the dance floor compared to the 75+ girls standing around in groups as the night went on.

I was more relaxed in some sense, but quite cautious in others. This club had a lot of mocho military guys, and the atomsophere just felt tense. Obviously I was not the only one feeling it. It didn't bother me too much, but the tension and restriction of all the other people really drowned out the possibility to make approaches in my mind. Sure, I could have tried anyways, but all of the events that happened during the night and the lack of enthusiasm was making me feel a bit uncomfortable.

I was more social this time around. I didn't really feel uncomfortable socially.

There were some HBs there that were JUST there to show off and screw with guys minds, I guess you could say. That kinda made me hesitant to approach, and it almost empowered other girls to follow suit, which was kinda pointless. I didn't feel any point in approaching just to be another guy rejected. My friend was much more upset than I was with them.

Lessons Learned:

Alcohol might not be that much of a contributing factor with my performance. As a matter of fact, some parts of my "game" were stronger tonight without it.

There are some girls that are just as close to unapproachable as can be. I don't know what the exact mission of these girls was, but they certainly wanted the attention, and that was just about it... nothing more... period. I was glad that I was able to notice this early on when they first started dancing. Makes me wonder if I'm starting to understand some behavior better after reading some books that I didn't think were going to help that much.

I need not rely on my friends to setup an approach for me. I can do it my own damn self, and I proved that tonight.

----

Overall, the night is a success in some respects and a completely failure in others. Some things just were out of my control. But the good things definitely help give me more confidence. I was also in a very different environment with a much more "hostile?" crowd, and I still managed to keep my cool.

I guess this is more of one for the books of becoming a more social person than being successful with women. They feel like baby steps, but they might just be giant leaps as far as my self development goes.

Unfortunately, it's now 4:20 AM, and I'm dead tired. I'm too tired ot read over it this, so bare with me on the spelling errors and such. If I think of anything else I'll add it once I get some free time.

Regardless, I think this was another big step in the right direction.
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Journal: A Big Guy's Journey With The Opposite Sex
"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." — Italian Proverb
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#5

guitarstar

Junior Member

Join Date: 08/28/2008 | Posts: 13

agree 100% gonna make a change myself now not waiting around for approval first FUCK THAT!!

there are good nights and not so good nights but both can make you a better man, can i ask what kind of routine you are doing like how many nights a week are you going out also have you thouight about daygame, because its important to be the fun guy all the time and not just as you are going out at night,(blueprint i think it was) maybe you should have a go at some self amusement stuff to get you out of your comfort zone, like singing happy birthday aloud and getting 50 high fives a day, made someone on here alot more confident can't remember the guys name

look forward to hearing more progress from you man, us big guys stick togetherwink
PS.massive KUDOS on the dancing by the way lol
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#6

fromshytofly

Member

Join Date: 04/22/2009 | Posts: 37

No update from last week because, unfortunately, I had a very serious cold (was worried that it was something to do with the swine flu stuff, but I survived).

Nothing too earth shattering happened during the past two weeks, but I have noticed some significant changes in myself from when I started this journey:

1) I'm much more confident in myself
2) I don't care much anymore of what others think of me
3) I have invested some serious time in finding out who I am and who I want to be
4) I have approached a lot more people and feel myself not as nervous to approach people
5) I am talking to a lot more people

Two days ago I was in the grocery store, and I saw someone who I went to high school.... Why is this a big deal? Well, a year ago I would have done my best to avoid talking to people from school. I was just that anti-social. Regardless, I went to talk to her. Talked for about a minute, and that was that. I managed to make her laugh and teased her about having a kid.

Also, as soon as I got home from the grocery store I saw another person who I knew when I was much younger, and I talked with him for about 5 minutes. Might not seem like a big deal for a lot of you, but to me, talking to people in person is something of a huge leap for me.

So today, I went out to the mall by myself and said "Hi" to around 15 different people. 3 or so said nothing back (they didn't look to happy even before I said anything, so I just shrugged that off), about 10 said "Hi" back, and 2 of them I had a very short conversation with (2 or 3 sentences max, no big deal).

I also went to get some Dippin' Dots (ice cream) and got the cashier, a young black HB 6.5, to laugh. I said something along the lines of "what do you have on the menu that is in the price range of, well, I don't know, Free???" To which she replied, "Well I don't know about that, but you can have me. I am free!" Was pretty funny.

Anyways, I just notice that I am letting myself open up a lot more, walking with my head held high, and, in the end, I just feel more confident about this whole journey. I no longer feel like a social outcast. I am really starting to believe that I can make this change, and I can make it be the me that I have always wanted to be.
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Journal: A Big Guy's Journey With The Opposite Sex
"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." — Italian Proverb
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#7

fromshytofly

Member

Join Date: 04/22/2009 | Posts: 37

May 9, 2009 — "One Step Forward, Two Steps Back"

10:00 PM — I convince my wing to head out to the clubs/bars at VA Beach, and so without much hesitation, even late at night and lightning blazing through the sky, we are off.

11:45 PM — After going through hell (like 40 minutes) to find a parking spot at VA Beach, we manage to get out and make our way to the first bar of the night. I quickly realize upon entering the bar that it is a completely different atmosphere than I am used to, and I quickly become uncomfortable... very uncomfortable. The bars are very small and jam packed, and the music is still loud, so talking to any girl would be difficult. I was so uneasy with the environment that I just manage to down a drink my wing bought me before we quickly walk to the next bar.

12:00 AM — We enter the next bar which is a bit more roomy, but I'm still quite uncomfortable. A live DJ mixing in front of all of us was quite entertaining to watch, but I didn't go out to watch a DJ do his thing (I do some DJing as a hobby), I came to see the ladies. Unfortunately, there were not that many girls, and all of them seemed to have a serious agenda with extremely defensive postures all around or a boyfriend who was holding them tight. No drink in here, so about 10 minutes later we are off to another bar.

12:10 AM — Make our way to the third bar of the night, and this place is even smaller than the rest and I just didn't even feel anything going on in there. We stay for about 20 minutes, but I'm pretty much feeling a bit down about everything so far, and these new environments are quite difficult for me to adapt too.

12:30 AM — We end up back at the second bar/club that I mentioned, and I agree to have a shot of tequilla with my wing. Was more of a celebration of being friends. Not surprisingly, it calmed me down quite a bit (after the inital shock of drinking that stuff), and I manage to dance around by myself. There are a very very limited amount of targets in the club, and the amount of guys compared to girls is just making everything worse.

1:00 AM — A set comes open and while I had my eye on her, my wing was right beside her, and well, she's a total freak. A white HB 6. They end up dirty dancing for the next 45 minutes, and my wing hands me the keys to his ride and he is spending the night at her house, and I'm home alone.

3:00 AM — About two hours later I arrive home from that long drive, but only after running through my mind about how much of an idiot I was for not pulling the trigger. I am so confident that could handle rejection from any attempt. So the fact that I didn't approach any girl is just pathetic. Is it perhaps that I just don't want to go through the process of being rejected? I mean, it makes sense that if I don't try, I won't even have to feel the rejection part, and therefore have nothing to fear. But that attitude makes no sense, so I almost can't even believe that this was what I was feeling. It's just a mystery...

What sucks even more is that there was one set that I KNOW I could have had. A black HB 7.5. And, ironically enough, this set was friends with the set that my wing got with! If I just would have opened my mouth.... hell, even tapped her on the arm and asked her to dance.... or any damn thing that was some sort of communication.... period ... I know I could have had her because she was probably the most lonely girl in the bar. She even looked at me a few times. It simply disgusts me because it was like I was handed a freebie and I fucked it up by not doing anything.

Now, it would be easy for me to blame all this in the new environment (which was a challenge for me) to try and keep my ass covered here, but I know deep down that I could have made at least one approach to at least test the waters out. It was just an epic failure on my part. All of this increased socializing is going to mean very little in the end if it doesn't lead to me talking to some ladies.

The only good thing is that my wing is getting some action. But it is hard to not be jealous of what he is getting on a regular basis.

-------------------------

I'm sure I'll have more to say about this tomorrow as far as lessons learned and what I do to fix it, but right now I just want to head off to bed and try to recover from this failure in inner game and confidence.
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Journal: A Big Guy's Journey With The Opposite Sex
"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." — Italian Proverb
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#8

fromshytofly

Member

Join Date: 04/22/2009 | Posts: 37

So, Maybe Good Things Do Come To Those Who Wait

Irony. It's pretty much my life story. So it wouldn't come as a shock that the day following one of my most disappointing evenings that a very good thing would come to from it all instead. Almost like a gift from above.

A friend I used to know in elementary school, who I haven't seen in at least 10 years and lived right down the street from me, is coming to VA Beach on May 22nd. She will be staying for an entire week. I'd say she is a solid 6. She is 22, just like me.

I've been talking to her for quite awhile online, and things have gotten very heated over time. I've seen her almost completely naked at times, and I know I've built attraction up very well. There is also plenty of trust built up.

A significant factor of why she is coming all the way from Illinois to VA Beach is because of me. So I know something is bound to happen. However, I already know she doesn't plan on having sex until she is married, but she is a freak. So while sex might be out of the question, who knows where it can go?

She is coming here with her family though, so that is going to be an issue, but I'm hoping I can steal her away a few nights while she is here.

But regardless of all the little details for now (which I am sure I will dig into when I actually meet up with her), this is a golden opportunity for me to get some experience with being with a women. I have almost no experience at all. So this will definitely open my eyes and it might be a HUGE confidence boost, and assuming I get to take any other girls out with my life change and all that, this could be excellent practice.
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Journal: A Big Guy's Journey With The Opposite Sex
"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." — Italian Proverb
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#9
Eazy-R

Eazy-R

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/11/2008 | Posts: 929

good stuff man

congratulations on your new lifestyle
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What's that feeling? Uh oh, what's that feeling in your gut?

You just realized that you don't give a fuck and you can do anything you put your mind to.

That's what that feeling is.
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#10

fromshytofly

Member

Join Date: 04/22/2009 | Posts: 37

Thanks for the comment Eazy,

The weight loss has been going great. I've lost over 40 pounds within the past two months alone. Also been a much more social person.... almost a different person altogether. I just need to put the peices together to work on my inner game and confidence.

----------------

Just a quck update:

The girl I was talking to who is coming down is acting a bit more sexual in instant messaging than I expected, but I think she is putting more pressure on the situation than I am. She is like a social outcast as I was, so I think her experience with me might be just as beneficial for her as for me as well. So, it's all good.

Also, I am putting together a few challenges that I hope to accomplish to help me with my confidence and indifference around women. I will surely post them in the upcoming days, and might work on them this weekend. Stay tuned! wink
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Journal: A Big Guy's Journey With The Opposite Sex
"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." — Italian Proverb
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